Illinois News Index

McHenry Plaindealer (McHenry, IL), 8 Aug 1877, p. 6

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Jll.il ' A BONO or 8UM>»K«. 1 81 PBOF. BIACKIK. [Always in yotir darkest hour ber your brightest.--J. P. Rictoer. ] Sing me a song of mtniraw, For mv heart is wintry sad, . Xkat glorious bright new-comer. Who makes all nature glad! "1 Ifeig me a song of summer, • ' < That the dark from the bright may )»nw> fti.i the part in the radiant whole of things May drown its little sorrow. 'mug me a song of summer, * *.-•; ^Vhen Ood walk* forth in light, And spread* His glowing mantle O'er the Wauk and the gray of night; And where He comes, His quickening touch ' litvivos the insensate dead, And the numbed and frozen pulseof things Beats music to His tread. * '-"Iteg me « song of summer, - . .With his banners of golden l>Ioom, That glorious br'glit new-comer. Who bears Weak winter's doom, Willi banners of gold xnd of silver, : f; jtnd wines of rosy display, UMnd verduous power in hie path, When he comes with the pride of the Jlfcj'i ntn r..-' Air: .When he comes with his genial sweep O'er the barren an.i bare of the scene, And makes the still eart'i to wave With an ocan of umlnlant green; With flourish of leafy expansion, -And boast of luxuriant bloom, And the level of life as it triumph® ' •O'er the dust and decay of the tomb. «*g me a song Of summer; 0 Ood ? what a glorious thing Is the march of this mighty new-oomer With splendor of life on his wing ! When he quickens the pulse of creation, And maketh all feebleness strong, 51U it spread into blossom of beauty^ And. burst into paeans of song ! stag me a song of summer! Though my heart be wintry and sad, The thought of this blessed new-comer Shall foster the germ of the glad. *Hrath the veil of my grief left me cherish The joy that shall rush into day, When the bane ol' the winter shall perish In the pride and the power of the May. A SIGHT OF HORROR. I have passed through many a trying > scene in my life, scenes wherein danger lurked and death smiled grimly. On water and on land I have stood, as it 1 were, face to face with that dread of the human race. On the mighty ocean, when our fair bark was tossed as if it were a feather, I could gaze upon the surging billows with awe, aye, with ven­ eration--for there amid the roaring of the tempest, the lashing of the waves, I saw the power and might of that Diety. Death amid the storm and tempest, * the flashes of lightning and the roaring of the thunder, had no dread for me. To die thns, amid the war of the ele- , meats, would be a glorious triumph over ' slow death! Why should I wiite this sketch ? "Why describe a night of horror the remem­ brance of which, although many years have passed away, makes me shudder s - still ? Is it because it lives in memory, * like some horrid specter? It may, how­ ever. tend to withdraw the mind from that one fearful episode in my life, , which, like a dark shadow, keeps out all sunshine. To test theory, I send you this sketch, for the memory ol that night of horror. ' Like a drop that night and day Falls cold and ceaseless, wears my heart away. The State-House clock had struck eight when the clerks left the office. I remained alone, as I had some import- j . ant business to transact, with which the clerks had nothing to do. I locked the front of the office, and for one hour I nnj was busily employed at my work. In one corner of the counting-house stood my mammoth safe--a huge affair. I prided myself on being the owner of the fixture. I could stand upright in it and > ; arrange my books and papers without "• i stooping. It was a small house or an •: • iron tomb, just as fancy might determine. < Near the safe stood an old-fashioned, rickety book-ease ; a large, ponderous piece of furniture. The safe door, when opened, came within a few inches / of it. It is necessary to mention this book­ case, for had it not been there the ad­ venture I am about to relate would never have been written. I was inside the safe, putting in its , • j. place the last book, when there came „ upon my ear the cry of "fire !" followed »• :i by the rush of engines down the street. . •;, I listened for a minute, and was in the act of leaving the safe, when--oh, hor- < ror!---there came a crash ! the book-caeo had fallen against the door of the safe, *' and its spring was caught in tti3 intii- -* cfcfce workings of the huge lock ! I was thus inclosed in a living tomb, •and as the dread sound echoed through the safe I knew it was the knell of my death. For a moment I stood utterly confounded, and when the true state of my situation was realized no tongue can describe nor pen portray the remotest . .j; idea of my feelings. Entombed, incased in an iron coffin--all sound dead ! The Bhout I sent forth, as if it could be ever i heard,came back in reverberating echoes. Then again all waa still--still as death, for my voice was hushed ! The few mo- *• ments that had passed since my incarce­ ration seemed as though many years, i How would I die ? Raving mad, per-1 haps, or by immediate suffocation. Al­ ready I felt the presence of the Con­ densed air acting on my brain--already I felt the blood rushing in tumultuous • .. Waves to my liead ! To die thus, strug­ gling for life in an iron vault, was awful. I calculated the hours, the minutes and seconds before the time of the opening the office, and then--then--the key of the safe--great Heavens!--it was in my , pocket, and there was no duplicate. i .; Hours and hours must pass away be­ fore the safe could be opened. Opened by whom? The man who made it. I had no partner in the business; my clerks would not suspect that anything hud occurred, and they would not at- ' tempt the opening of the safe until they had heard from me. How in Heaven's onm<> could that be? Never, never would they hear the sound of my voice again ! 1 was there--death's prisoner in ah iron vault; they knew it not, nor even imagined such u horrible contin­ gency could b° attached to my absence. «..... Even if it were so--even when the safe was opened, how would I appear to them ? A lifeless corpse, or a raving maniac. I did not shu-lder nor groan. All cor­ poreal sensation was lost in that of the ' biain. I felt that death in some horri- ble shape was gathering its shroud around me. In my excited state I imag- , ined that all was over with me. How should I meet death ? Dash my brains out against the iron-eided prison? No, no; not while reason remained. If I ! Were to lie down with my face pressed to the floor, »m;i remain there quietly, shut my eycb and keep out the oppressive darkness, might I not sleep? I threw myself full length on the floor, for, as I have already said, the safe was a large one, in the hope that sleep or suffocation wotild end my mental suffering. The density of tlie atmosphere must natu­ rally produce the latter result. No, no; here was no atmosphere, for that was in­ visible, elastic fluid, which surrounds the earth, and presses by its weight the as­ semblage of aeriform vapors. Here was no air--no vapor, no motion, no sound, atmosphere, to produce either of these agents of the universe. No ! Death was far away, yet I felt as if the very silence was killing me. The buzzing of a fly, the hum of a bee, or the sound of that mysterious insect whose peculiar imita­ tion of a time-piece gives it the name of the "death watch," even that supersti­ tious pleasure was denied me. There came a change, sudden as it was alarming. The brain began to throb. The heart beat in unison. I felt its deep pulsations; I heard its deep, heavy thud against my breast. This I say I heard, for it was part of myself. No other sound outside of my own person could have readied me there. I felt a pain in my head and brain; not an ordinary pang, but one that struck at the base of reason. Death was coming ! Welcome! And I laughed the wild, unmeaning laugh of the maniac. And yet I was not mad^ but so near it that had not reason told me it was approaching apoplexy I would have been raving. Welcome ap­ oplexy ! It, however, came not. I rolled over and over in my limited cell; I screamed; I yelled and shouted for help, and yet all the while I was perfect­ ly conscious of what I was doing. Death was playing with me ! I prayed, too, but did not curse. No, no ; for if I am to die--thus I reasoned--let me die in peace with God. These thoughts, the result of my early religious education, kept my soul intact with Him who had the best right to it. I endeavored to be calm, strove to rea­ son myself into patience, and wait the coming day. Day! alas! what to me was day ? For here all was night. But reason faileu. It had no argument to confute facts. Death was here and I had to meet it. But how ? Alas! alas ! that mystery was yet to be solved. All was so still, so silent, that my faculties were benumbed. I remember wonder­ ing if the voice of the Deity could be heard in that dreadful place. Was this blasphemy ? Perhaps it was; but I was not then accountable for either my words or actions. I was, for the mo­ ment, mad. I took off my coat and made a pillow of it. Sleep! Oh! if I could only sleep, and, in forgetfulness, escape the horrors of my waking moments. Sleep was impossible. There was a constant buzzing in my ears, acute pain in my head--a vertigo that drove me again to my feet, and I reeled round the limited space in a whirligig for life. I struck my head against the side of the safe. I felt no pain, for there was a madness in my acts, with just sufficient reason to add to the horrors of my situation. What could I do now but rave and yell, call­ ing for help, well knowing there was no help at hand! Why did my senses re­ main to torture me thus V Why not go mad and commit some fearful act to end my misery ? Because I was in the hands of One who has issued his canon against self-slaughter. I trusted to Him. I started to my feet. My head struck the top of the safe, and I was dashed back again to the floor. Again I shouted, again I laid flat on my face and called on death to come and end my woes. The shout was echoed in low, rumbling sounds, which died away, leaving the silence tenfold greater. Like the dark­ ness preceding some greater shock of nature, its intenseness aould be felt. I felt--felt it in my heart--felt it in my brain--it was pressing me to death ! Had I nothing else to think of but my­ self? Reader, I have given my own mental and physical sufferings while entombed. I was not selfish even; I analyzed my own feelings, and seeming­ ly forgot others outside of the tomb. What, describe other sensations--sensa­ tions that sprung from pictures I could not bring my mind to contemplate? Pictures of home--of wife and children- friends-^ all these seemed, in my state, as only adding to my misery, for I was doomed, and they were for the time being happy. I kept those pictures back. I even magnified my suffering so that memory might be silent. I could not contemplate in my excitement two dis­ tinct events. I therefore settled all my thoughts, fixed all my energies on one object--self-preservation. I would strive to live--live for those who were even now wondering why I was not with' them. Reader, I strove as hard to for­ get wife, children and friends as I did to master my dread of the horrible death awaiting me. Understand me. No one placed as I could think of the past, pres- i ent or future with any degree of calm- | ness. The reasoning faculties succumbed to physical excitement; they became an­ tagonistic, and, although I endeavored to separate the two, I became more con­ fused. I could think of nothing but my own position. Beyond that, if I at­ tempted to go, I foresaw madness. Bo, to avoid all that, I centered all my thoughts on one purpose--self-preserva­ tion. To accomplish this I could not, even in thought, go beyond my prison- house. Why proceed--why even at­ tempt to describe the sufferings I under­ went? I raved, I screeched, I fell to the floor, rose again, reeled in madden­ ing fury around my living tomb. I even meditated self-destruction. I argued the point with death. I quoted author­ ities to prove that suicide was justifiable in some cases, and mine was a case in point. My mind, weakened as it was, hesitated to grasp at this mode of ending life, and there came up, at that moment, a small, childlike voice, saying: " Hope --hope on !" Was it a voice, or was it merely imagination conjuring up sounds to soothe me ? " Hope !" I started ! a new light seemed to enter my soul, and illuminate the Cimmerian darkness sur­ rounding me. I lost all consciousness and fell as if dead. Was it a dream? No! no!--reality! The safe-door was thrown open, and a* I rolled out on the floor of the counting- house I again became unconscious. * * • * + When I came to my senses I was sur­ rounded by four fierce-looking men-- one was bathing my head, while another was holding me in his arms. What could it moan ? I was saved, but how and by whom ? They were burglars who came for the purpose of plunder. They told me so; and instead of money they found what they took to be a corpse. They stood apart--whispered--seemed to hesitate how to act. ffhe safe was opened; the owner was there at their mercy. Weak as I was, I at once discovered the cause of their hesitation. 44 You came," I said, "to rob me, in­ stead of which you saved my life. The amount of money which you would have obtained is no considerable sum; it is there--there in that second drawer from the right. Take it--divide it between yourselves, and take it with my tWiku You see I am very weak--the excite­ ment caused by incarceration." One of the men approached me and said ; "We are robbers; we are in your power, but we are not murderers. We came for money, but " .• I interrupted him. ' "No hesitation, sir; it is yours--my free gift--take it." He then joined his companions, con­ sulted awhile, then caxne tb me and said: " Suppose, sir, that we were detected? Our entrance may have been observed-- the money found upon us--the condi­ tion of this safe--thus, you see, upon such evidence we would be convicted at once." " Will you place that chair before the table and help me to it 5 I am com­ pletely unnerved. Seven hours in that safe nearly killed me." The chair was placed as ordered--the man who had spoken assisted me to it. I took paper and pen, and, while those four stalwart, desperate men gazed upon me, I wrote the following: "For valuable services, I pay these four men (for the soul of me I could not write gentlemen) the sum of $1,500. They rescued me from a most horrible deatn, for which, in addition to this sum, they have my most heartfelt thanks. [Signed] . " Take that paper, sir, and, if any­ thing should occur, come to me." Thus was I saved, but it was many weeks before I recovered from the ef­ fects of that night of horror.--Hartford 1 im.es. THE CIRCASSIANS.; How long I lay thus I had no knowl- edge, when I came to myself it was to hear a dull sound as if some one was striking the safe. Was help at hand ? Then came a grating sound--then a shock--then came a louder sound, as if from the explosion of gunpowder--a flash, as of lightning. It came into thfe safe and for an instant the whole space was illuminated. What could it mean Important Legal Decision. The recent decision of the United States Supreme Court given by Justice Miller in the case of J. K. Place & Co., of New York, is an instance when law and equity have joined hands to protect the shorn creditors from the wiles and devices of dishonest business men filing voluntary petitions in bankruptcy. Like hundreds of others before him, Place had taken money from his business, had invesited it in real estate, and had set­ tled the same upon his wife. Without doubt, both of them had concurred in the idea that it would be a good thing, while business was prosperous and credit was good, to build a nice home, and se­ cure the same against all possible con­ tingencies of the future. The plan was accordingly adopted and carried out, the fine residence was erected on Fifth ave­ nue, properly transferred and secured (as they thought), and then Mr. Place and wife were ready to submit to the in­ evitable reverses of fortune with a read­ ier grace and a more submissive will But the over-bold creditors stepped in just here, and very forcibly questioned the right of Place to thus use their money for his own personal purposes without as much as saying, "By your leaVe.'" Or, in other words, after Place & Co. had failed, the creditors insisted that the Fifth avenue property should be sold, and the proceeds reckoned in with the other assets of the firm. Whereupon Mrs. Place, through her agents, objected, and the case was carried successively through the local District Court, the Circuit Court, and then up to the United States Supreme Court, from which a decision has been given that said Fifth avenue property, inasmuch as it was purchased with money taken from the business, rightfully belongs to the com­ pany's creditors, its transference to the wife in the meantime to the contrary notwithstanding. This decision, coming as it does from the highest legal tribunal in the land, and therefore final in its nature,'becomes very" important to the wives of all busi ness men who may be fancying that property thus secured to them by their husbands is safe from all further mo­ lestation by legal processess. It is also very important to business men them­ selves, showing them, as it does, that all such gay and festive schemes to defraud their lawful creditors of that which has been intrusted to their management and care for the time being, will be sure henceforth to " gang aft agley."--Chi­ cago Journal. A Shrewd Swindle One of the latest and shrewdest schemes of swindle lately took place in Cleveland, Ohio. A stranger appeared at a saloon, having in his possession several boxes which he claimed con­ tained valuable jewels which he would like to keep safely for a time. For this purpose he engaged a room and had the boxes placed in it. He occupied the room a day or so, and then left, leaving the things there. In the course of a day or so he returned, saying that he had been detained away by business, but would pay for the room just the same. While he was making this explanation a second Btranger, who spoko very broken En­ glish, appeared and called for a drink. He had no money but would like to sell the large diamond cross which he wore. The first stranger examined it, and said that as an expert he should regard the cross as worth at least $4,000. The price of the article was $200, and if the saloon keeper would let him have that amount he would at once go to the bank, draw some money, and return him $500 for the favor. The money was furnished, with the exception of $17, and the two strang­ ers departed--never to return. It took their host but a few minutes to see that he bad been victimized, and he rushed for the boxes of jewelry, only to find them filled with stones. Thlir •Cruel Oppression by the BdMMi Aa> thorlties-- Habits and Peculiarities. [From the Chicago Tribune.) The Turkish army contains a small auxiliary force of Circassians, whose valor is almost as well approved as that of the Montenegrins. There is one regi­ ment of Circassians in the First Army Corps, stationed at Constantinople, and scattered squadrons of cavalry in Ar­ menia and the Balkans; but the bulk of their fighting men may be found in the ranks of the Bashi-Bazouks, or ir­ regular volunteers. The circumstances under which the Circassians became faithful allies of the Turks are unusual and romantic. They dwelt in the moun­ tain regions of Caucasus, and were alter­ nately under the dominion of the Turk and the Russian. They were not good subjects to either Government, paying no taxes and recognizing no authority which did not seem to them convenient In 1829 the Caucasus fell into the hands of Rupsia for the last time, and thence­ forward the hand of that Government pressed upon the Circassians with con­ stantly-increasing weight. -They were rebellious, and the mountainous nature of the country which they inhabited made them troublesome enemies to con­ tend with. After thirty-five years' ex­ perience of Circassian craft and prowess, the Government of Russia determined to settle the Circassian question, at once and forever, by expelling them from the country whicn they had so long pos­ sessed, and which they cherished with the deepest affection. In 1803 they were ordered to pack up and move off. On their refusal to do so, and the continu­ ance of hostilities, the policy of indis­ criminate massacre was adopted by Russia. This last stroke overcame even Circassian contumacy. More than 300,- 000 emigrated, leaving their homes and their native land to the spoiler. Of the whole number of emigrants about 200,- 000 settled in Bulgaria, along the coast of the Black sea, and the remainder in Armenia. The cruel expulsion of the Circassians by the Russian authorities has scarcely a parallel in history. Whole nations have been transported before, but never for such insufficient reasons, and never, it may be said, on so large a scale. The French driven forth from Nova Scotia, whose hardships have been celebrated in verse by our own Longfellow, numbered barely 18,000 souls. The Huguenots of France had at least the alternative of staying in their homes and abandoning their religion. The Moors in Grenada were themselves aliens and invaders, in theory, at least, and were driven away to their own kindred and the land of their faith. Not so with the Circassians. They loved their mountain homes as passion­ ately as the Montenegrin or the Switzer. They imbibed in the clear atmosphere which surrounded them the same uncon­ querable spirit of freemen. Russian oppression was to them an impossible condition of existence, and they resisted to the last, even when they knew defeat was inevitable. When they yielded, they chose to become subjects of Turkey rather than Russia; and hatred of Russia became for them the controlling principle of their national life. Travellers tell of meeting Circassians in Europe and hear­ ing male children asked by their parents: How many Russians wifi you kill when you are a man?" The present war is therefore an opportunity for the Ciicas- sians--the first they have had since their expulsion from the Caucasus; and if they do not use it to the full it will not be for want of desire on their part. They are already famous for their exploits in the ranks of the Bashi-Bazouks; and, though their mode of warfare is not, like that of the Montenegrins, always honorable, it is none the less terrible and harassing. In the loog run it will produce results of importance; and, in case of a Russian retreat or disaster, the Circassian contin­ gent would be likely to pay off old scores by a frightful vengeance. The Circassian has some peculiarities which iiiiiik him for becoming an object of European and American sympathy to any large extent. Though not a coward by nature, he prefers to fight in Indian fashion, and to kill his enemy with the least possible risk to his own precious person. Moreover the Circassian scorns to tell the truth when he can possibly avoid it, and theft is with him a cardinal virtue. The Circassian boys ure taught to steal by their parents, just as the .Lacedemonian youth were; and the celebrities of the nation are the persons who have learned to steal' blankets from the sleeping owners thereof, or horses out of stables in which the master peace­ fully reposes. Obstinacy is another characteristic of the Circassian. They brought their slaves with them into Tur­ key, and, although often admonished by the Sultan's officers that slavery was cont* ry to the Koran, they refused to make any proclamation. Many times they fought in defense of what they con­ sidered their rights in this respect, and have proved perhaps as troublesome subjects to the Sultaa as they were to the Caar. They are good Mussulmans, too, having been converted during the Turkish rule in the Caucasus, from the peace of Bucharest in 1812 until 1829 . but, as may be imagined, they do not acknowledge the authority of the Koran in matters of opinion so vital as the slave­ ry question. In like manner, they sell their girls for use in the Turkish harems, esteeming it a high honor to have them there, and being seconded in this respect, it xxrast be confessed, by the young women themselves. In spite of the depletion of numbers and blood from this cause, they remain a rugged and adventurous people. The men are short and slender, but broad across the shoulders, and possessed of wonderful powers of endurance. They are masters of the art of hating, and have the longest memories in the world for an injury. If they do not, in the present war, pay back to Russia at least a part of the ancient grudge they owe, it will be for want of opportunity, not because they lack the disposition. Composition on the Rabbit. Rabbits is generally about the size of a cat. They ain't so useful to catch rats as a cat, but they will pull the bark off a grape vine awful quick. I had a rabbit once, and he gnawed the bark off my grandfather's pear tree, and he got mad, and kicked the stuffiu' out of him and I skun him. Babbits' ears is long, so you can pick 'em up easy. A rabbit often has red eyes, but if a girl had red eyes she'd look bad, you bet. Me ana another boy done up some hoss-radish in a cabbage leaf and give it to Mr. Hackett's rabbit to eat, and he jumped over a clothes-line and run into the kitchen and upset a bucket of syrup all over his hair, and he was a sick-lookin' rabbit, and don't you forget it. I'd rather be a dog than a rabbit. «t < is--.,, -.if J The En broidery of History; J One of the bits of history most famifiar to Americans is Jackson's" battle of New Orleans, where, from behind his breast­ work of cotton bales (a material which the enemy's cannon could not pierce), he repulsed with prodigious slaughter Packenham's veterans, fresh from their European victories. This story of the rampart of cotton, as related in both English and American histories, is, how­ ever, purely apocryphal. Its origin seems to have been the fact that, many days before the battle of Jan. 8 (for Jackson's troops had been working steadily at the intrenchments since Christmas), about fifty cotton bales were taken out of a neighboring flat-boat and thrown into a line of earthworks to in­ crease its bulk. About a week before the assault, in a preliminary skirmish, as Walker tells us "in his " Jackson and New Orleans," the enemy's balls strik­ ing one of these bales knocked it out of the mound, set fire to the cotton, and sent it flying about to the great danger of the ammunition. All the boles were consequently removed. "After this," continues the account, "no cotton-bales were ever used in the breastwork. The mound was composed entirely of earth dug from the canal and the field in the rear. The experiment of using cotton and other articles in raising the embank­ ment had been discarded." Again, for eighteen years after this battle it was gospel with us that the British officers at dawn " promised their troops a plentiful dinner in New Or­ leans, and gave them ' booty and beauty' as the parole and countersign of the day." In 1833 Gen. Lambert and four other British officers, who had been en­ gaged in the luckless expedition, denied this story, which accordingly has meas­ urably vanished out of history. The ab­ surd fiction of the "booty and beauty " watchword reappears, however, at inter­ vals in our own civil war, ascribed to Gen. Beauregard and other Confederate officers. Our ancestors, also, used to enjoy the story of Putnam's exploit at Horseneck, where he escaped from a party of Ty- ron's troops by forcing his horse down a flight of seventy stone steps (another account swells them to a hundred) that formed the stairway by which the vil­ lagers ascended to the church on the brow of the hill. This is the narration in Peters' " History of Connecticut," a book which Dwight calls " a mass of folly and falsehood." The story of the stairway is sheer fabrication, founded on the fact that common stones here and there aided the villagers to ascend the hill ; yet there exist pictures of Putnam charging down a long tier of steps, as well-defined and regular as those of the Capitol at Washington, while the dis­ comfited dragoons at the top pour in a volley that does not harm him A partial parallel to this exaggeration may be found in the current descriptions of " Sheridan's Ride " at Winchester, a a solid exploit, brilliantly touched up in Buchanan Reade's verse, concerning which last the great cavalry General is said to have jocosely remarked that if the bard had seen the horse he never would have written the poem.--Gcelmxp. Summer Diet. Dr. W. H. Tail publishes an* article on summer diet, and starts with the follow­ ing argument: "God, in Hi» provi­ dence, has stocked the polar region with the seal, the whale and the bear; all the personification of fat and oil--while vege­ tation is comparatively unknown. On the other hand, as you approach the tropics, oranges, bananas, lemons, and all our luscious fruits greet you on every hand, and vegetation runs wild. This disposition of providence teaches us-- what our appetites confirm--thai in cold weather our diet should consist mainly of oily substances, or such food as is converted into fat by the process of digestion; while in the summer we should select such articles of diet as not con­ vertible into fat." D»: Vail adds that vegetables, the edible pasts of which iipen underground, such as potatoes, carrots and parsnips, are heat-producing, while those that ripen above ground are cooling. The latter, including especially asparagus, lettuce, peas, beans, toma- tf es, corn, and all fruits,, should be freely eaten. Meat should not be eaten oftener than twice a day, and lean is preferable. He particularly recommends tomatoes. Japanese Damsel Htfiet. The toilet preparations of a Japanese damsel are of no light consideration, and to be in good time for the feast she must be up and dressing long before the sun rises from behind Fuji^, the great sacred mountain. The long, coarse tresses of black hair must be was!i«d, combed and greased till the head shmes like a knob of polished black marble. The cheeks must be rouged to the proper tint, the throat, neck and bosom-powdered--care­ fully leaving, however, on the neck three lines of the brown skin of the own­ er, in accordance with, the rules of Ja­ panese cosmetic art- Then toe eyebrows must be carefully rouaded and touched with bltaek, the lips, reddened with cher­ ry paste, with a patch of gilding in the center. When all tbis has been done, and she gets together a proper allowance of poeket-handkeachief paper, her to­ bacco pouch, pipe and fan, she sallies forth. IK ThomasviHe, Ga., a man who had been suffering with cancer in the mouth, and had been pronounced incurable by his physician, became much depressed, and determined upon suicide. He went about his self-destruction in a very methodical and business-like manner. All his creditors were conferred with, and all paid up, even those to whom the amounts were not due. He proceeded leisurely and deliberately to set his house in order preparatory to taking the fatal step. He even made his own cof­ fin. After completing all necessary ar­ rangements he coolly cut his throat. NKITHEB Bret Harte nor Albert Rhodes has got his desired foreign appointment, but Secretary Evarts is amusing them, meantime, with such observations as this : " Literary men can get laurels on their brows, but they can't browse on their laurels." •U MASKJBD BATTERIES. it secret--honor bright-- oJ«!r Jf. ^ou a ^tle story, Jo© ; ocmething that happened to me last mght Here at the masquerade ball, you know.^^, Yonmay have noticed I've spooned of. 1st* ̂ ! ^ra Clyde--nothing else to do-- * Pretty--at any rate, Pond of flirting, and I am, too. t*nr»'a a friend of my Sister Fan J Her room joins mine, and the nh sol. by accident, heard them plan Their dresses for masquerading in.; The ball •was lovely, the costumes fine, And either dancing or iced charapagM-- Can't eaj which, but expect the wine- Just a little confused my brain. So meeting Laura--a gypsy maid-- : _ her at once by her drees, yon MO I took her out for a promenade On the piazza alone'with me. -- " Flirted?" Said I was deep in Ion,* Madly worshiped the ground she trod. V&wed it by all below, abovef Did she return it 7--a word, a nod f The fair head dropped in assent; and I Snatched off the mask--with rapture kissed A peal of laughter was my reply. By Jove ! Old boy, it was my sister. lAUgh at me, Joe! Don't spare my pride! Nor mind my feelings--I feel so giald It was my sister, not Laura Clyde: Heavens I What an escape I had -Vanity Verms. PITH AND FOIST. THE center of gravity---An undertak­ er's nose. GEN. HEDEMOFF would be a useful man in Armenia now. EXEBCISE in moral comparison--Get on; get honor; get honest. DOGS are faithful; they will stick to a bone after everybody has deserted it. THE Chinese adieu is " Chin-chin," and so is a good share of the American ado. THE man who wrote of experiences sweet as a morning dream slept inside of a fly or mosquito net. IT is supposed that Kosciusko fell on Freedom, or else why did Freedom shriek when Kosciusko fell ? GOOD partners at cards--A chimney sweep and a bugler. One can follow soot, and the other trumpet. A LITTLE girl was suffering from the mumps, and declared that she " felt as though a headache had slipped down into her neck." JOHNNIE'S big sister doesn't part her hair in the middle, because of a cow­ lick, and Johnnie asked: " What makes your hair squint?" "WHAT'S a fellow to do, Doctoi when he's in company and has nothing to say ? " "He should cay it quietly," re­ plied the Doctor. THE difference between a sailor and an adulterator of tea is, that one is a toiler of the sea, and the other a soiler of the tea. A PBOUD and devoted wife, whose hus­ band had got a joD on a cellar excava­ tion, explained his abtence by saying he had gone to Wheeling. IN concluding an article on the last corn crop, an Alabama editor remarked, "We have on exhibition in our sanctum a magnificent pair of ears." " ABE those soaps all one scent ? " in­ quired a lady of a juvenile salesman. " No, ma'am, they are all 10 cents," re­ plied the innocent youngster. * IT does not follow that the acquaint­ ance of bandy-legged men should be sought more than others, because'"A friend in kneed is a friend indeed." THE gentleman who put his hand into another gentleman's pocKet and withdrew the other gentleman's purse pleaded that he was overcome by his feelings. A PABIS correspondent writes about the dismembered portions of human bodies that are constantly being picked up in the Seine. For that matter, at this season of the year, any number of big tows can be seen coming down the Hudson.--New lork paper. AN old colored preacher was lecturing a youth of his fold about the sin of danc­ ing, when the latter protested that the Bible plainly said: " There is a time to dance." "Yes, dar am a time to dance," said the dark divine, "and it's when a boy gits a whippin' for gwine to a ball." « WE heard one Of our bachelor friends singing the following touching solo the-^ other day. Guess his "iArabelleri». .* all right: My Arabella-, Ho ripe and meller, And, goodneHst Can't she love a feller! Her eyes are black, And pink her smeller; And, goodne&s 1 Can't glie hug a feller! Her cheeks are red, Her hair is yeller ; And, goodness! Can't she kiss a feller! ONE cold and stormy election day Judge Story felt it his duty to go to the polls. He ordered his carriage, but just as he was getting in, turning to his col­ ored driver, he said: " Have you voted yet ?" " No, Massa Story; I was wait­ ing to drive you first." "Well," re­ plied the Judge, " and who do you in­ tend to vote for?" "I Bhall vote for A.," answered the driver. " Well," con­ tinued the Judge, laughing. " I should vote for B.; so you may put up the car­ riage again, and we will both stay at home and pair off our votes." THK " Brewers " should to " Malta " gey The " Boobies v all to " Sciily," The " Quakers to the " Friendly Isles," The " Furriers " to " Chili," The little snarling caroling " Babes," That break our nightly rest, Should be packed off to " Baby lon,n To " Lapland " or to " Brest," From " Spithead " cooks go over to " Greece," And, while the " Miser " waits Sis passage to the " Guinea " ooaet, " Spendthrifts " are in the " straits," M Spinsters " should to " Needles "go, " Wine-bibbers " to " Burgundy,*1 "Gourmands" should lunch at "-Sandwich Islw," " Wags " at the " Bay ot Fun ly," " Bachelors " to the " United States," " Maids " to the " Isles ol Man Let " Gardeners " go to " Botany Bay," And " Shoeblacks " to " Japan." Thus emigrate--and misplaced men Will then no longer vex us, And then all wlio'rc not provided for Had letter go to " Texas." --Philadelphia Prem. UPON the announcement of the arrival of Prince Hassan, son of the Khedive, with the Egyptian contingent of 6,500 infantry and 1,000 artillery, the Sultan ordered the sacrifice of 100 sheep at the gates of his palace, in token of his thanks to God. The Prince conformed to the old-fashioned etiquette in pres­ ence of the Sultan. He touched both hands to his boots, and carried them to his head, and crossed his arms upon his stomach while reclining his body; but to the high officers of the palace, and other dignitarie.s, he simply gave a military sa­ lute in European style.

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