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Iainletler. J. VAX 8LYEE, K4it«r * Pablitbsr McHENRY. : : ILLINOIS. GRANSm. Agt&ad old man, Built after the olden phute t A muscular body. a massive h _ A man to value the longer he livfik A.man to remember when dead. I Irish yon might see him *- Sit back at hia eaae | < Awake or Mleep, m you please), ® While he whiffs, and he whewa, Aad i reaa him the newa.^-,-.--- Who's killed to-day?" > $• " He ask* in Ms ancient ways ' * And what have they stoJentMs time, my lad? The ruotli, they thrive like * pusley' in MMe-- Bad works, boy, bad--very bad !" Then for that mdicrous perch of the eye While the pipe «ets a slid* ^ To the other aide, * *». - Where he puff* it Rnd poo^a, Keeping up with the news. A character! When he begins, "I tell ye, sir"-- W l * b 9 l f b o o k " f f o u r m u^aru tn]V• Then the .sil<>n<« aft<*r h-a "«ay;'r^ The eclemn shuffle of hia wau; . And tamping of Ms cane. You may put it down When yoasee that frown And the dim gray eye light* unraraally clever. He a about, to settle some Abject forever. He'a BO complete From his head to hia feet, Inside and out ao made to keep! There's no ons feature before the rest; He makew you laugh and he makes you vreep, He stops the hole in your soul; He softens the tough ' * And levels the rough Aa he snoozes and amokes And preaches and jokes. His children and wife Have gone to the better life. And not a companion is left; But he says, " ihey've only the start--that'a all," And you never would think him bereft- He wears the calmest face on the farm. And with a genuine stamp or joy Often declares he's " young as a buy!" Still he smiles and he smokes Between sermons and jokes. A grand old man. Built after the olden plan; A muscular body, a massive head. A man to value the longer he lives, A man to remember when dead. Years yet may he limber his cricks, i This peerless old son of the past; And may I be the last While he whiffs and he whews. To listfn, or read him the news. ~John Vance (•htut-js in Sunday Afternoon. MBS. BABNEY'S SERMON. Strangely enough the cellar-stairs preached it--at least they contributed that very important part--the applica­ tion. Sister Searls had furnished the text in the morning, thei* the sermon might £ave gone on from firstly to forty-seventhly without Mqs./Ba^ney's notice, had it not been for the dollar stairs. Mrs. Barney was hurried that day-- she was always hurried--and it was warm and uncomfortable -in the sun­ shiny stove-heated kitchen, where she was hastening to and fro, and growing fretted and tired without slackening her speed. Nealie, standing at the ironing, table, was tired also. " There's so much to do," she said, wearily. "I don't see why we need to do baking and ironing both in one day. It makes such a crowd, and we could have left one for the morrow." "To-morrow will bring work enough of its own,"' answered Mrs. Barney, quickly. " Beside, if we should get the work all out of the way the first of the week, a whole day to rest in would be worth something." " But then we shouldn't take it for resting just because it would be a whole day, and something else could be crowd­ ed into it," murmured Nealie, to whom one hour now looked very inviting and that possible day in the future very un­ certain. The mother did not answer and the young girl's hand moved more slowly over the damp muslins as her gaze wandered away to the hills where great trees were throwing cool shadows. How pleasant the shade and greenness were! The desire to bring it nearer suggested another thought to Nealie. "Some vines would be so nice at this window, mother, I could plant them if you would let Tim dig a little spot out there." "Yes, but if we ever get the house fixed up as we want it, we shall have shutters at that window." "Entire don't know when tra can do that, and the vines would be so pretty now," urged Nealie. "Pretty? Well, yes, if we had the whole yard trimmed and laid out as it should be. I hope we shall have it someday; but a stray vine here and there seems hardly worth fussing over when we can't have the whole done." Nealie sighed, but was silent, and presently Tim came in with an armful of wood. " Nealie," he said, pausing near her table, " if you'd just sew this sleeve up a little.. The old thing tears awful easy, and I just hit it against a nail." He spoke low, but Mrs. Barney's quick ears caught the words. " That jacket torn again, Tim! I never saw such a boy to tear things to pieces! No, Nealie can't stop to mend it no\V, and I can't either. I've been intending to get you a new one, but there doesn't seem much chance to make anj thing new while you contrive to make so much patching and darning On the old." Mrs. Barney shut the oven door with a snap. Tina was the hired boy, kind- hearted but careless, and he was ratner discouraging. Board and clothing some­ times appeared to her a high price for his services. " Hurry now, and pick some currants for dinner," she said. Tim look the tiij-pail pointed out to him, but did not hurry as he passed with clouded face down the walk. The thought of a new jacket would have been pleasant a few minutes before, but it had suddenly lost its attractiveness. The boy drew his bushy brows' into a scowl, and, as soon as he was out of si^ht of Uie house, threw himself upon the grass and began his currant-picking in a very leisurely style. Then it was that Sister Searls drove up in her rat­ tling old buggy, with a horse that was, as Tim said, " a reg'lar old revolution­ ary pensioner." " If I can't have fine horses and car­ riages I can take a deal of comfort with these," was always Sister Searl's cheery comment upon her equipage. She had an errand at Mrs. Barney's and had stopped on her way to the village. A plump, rosy-faced little woman she was, norjoung, only that she belonged to the class of r ,*ile who never grew old; neatlv dressed, though it was but that old poplin made over, Mrs. Bar­ ney wondering a little that she should have taken the trouble, when she sure­ ly needed a new one. " This room is too warm to ask any­ one to sit in," she said, apologetically, placing: a chair for her caller just out­ side the door. " When we are able to have the house altered to suit us, I shall not have a stovchere in summer." " In the meanwhile you have this nice cool porch. What a pleasant place it is," said Sister Searls, admir­ ingly. "Yes, if one had time to enjoy it," answered Mrs. Barney, with an uneasy little laugh. " I'm so hurried, trying to get everything about the place in just the right order, that i don't have time." "Take time, Sister Barney, take time!" said Mrs. Searls. smiling, but earnestly. "Make the most of what you have while you are working for something better. Don't crowcT out any little sweetness you have to make I room for some great •pleasure that's farther off. You seet" she added, blttshing a little, as if her words needed excuse, "it's something I had to learn myself, years ago--never to trample.on daisies in a wild chase after the roses. The roses I haven't found, but the daisies have been enough to make the path bright." Mrs. Barney looked upon her in some perplexity, as she took her de- Earture. She had' listened with one-alf her mind on the loaves of bread in the oven, and the other half did not fully comprehend what had been said. "Daisies and roses! I don't see what any sort of a flower has to do with wanting a new kitchen! But there! 1 suppose ministers' wives, even if they are only country ministers' wives, hear so much talk that it comes natural to them. Bits out of old garment, like as anyway. Dear me! I don't get much time for poetry in my life! I'm sure of that. How Tim does loiter£" Tim, meanwhile, had sauntered out from among the bushes, and was en- faged in untying the old horse that Irs. Searls had fastened as securely as if it could be induced under any cir­ cumstances to run. He was moved to this act of gallantry, partly because he really liked the cheery little woman, and partly because he heard Mrs. Bar­ ney's call, and was in no haste to go to the house. *• That will do, thank you, Tim," said Sister Searls, nervously anxious to expedite his steps in the way of obe­ dience. " I think Mrs. Barney is call­ ing you." " Yes'm; she most always is," an­ swered Tim, philosophically, pausing to arrange the harness with painful de­ liberation. " But, my dear boy," urged Sister Searls, reading something in the knit­ ted brows, " you really should try to please her and help her all you can, you know. She is kind to you." "Oh yes, she's kind! Only when I see one of her kindnesses a coming I dodge; it generally hits a fellow hard enough to be uncomfortable," respond­ ed Tim. Then, having reUeyed his feel­ ings by this statement, his conscience pricked him slightly, and he added: "You see she's always in such a hurry. She can't come and bring'em; she has to pitch 'em." Mrs. Searls meditated as she drove down the country road. "Well, I never thought of that be­ fore, but 1 do suppose that's why the Bible speaks of the Lord's 'loving- kindness' and 'tender mercy'--because there's so much kindness in the world that isn't one bit loving, and so much mercy that is only duty and not tender­ ness. I'll tell Josiah that." For it happened that while the good minister pored over his books and studied the­ ology, his wife, going here and there, studied humanity. And though he cooked his own sermons, his wife often seasoned them. The baking was done at last, the currants picked, and Mrs. Barney's dinner ready. "For the bounty bestowed upon us may we be duly grateful," murmured Mr. Barney, with head bowed low over his plate. Then he looked up and re­ marked that he was tired of a steady diet of ham and eggs, and didn't see why they couldn't have a little variety. " You would see if you had to cook in the hot kitchen, as I do," responded Mrs. Barney, more shortly than her wont. " I'm glad to have" whatever I can get most quickly and easily. When we have a summer-kitchen we can be­ gin to live as other people do." "If we ain't all old as Methuseler," complained Master Tommy, in an un­ dertone which was perfectly audible. " Anywaj3^ th#) chickens will be if we can't" have any cooked till that time." He had sniffed the odors of the baking on his homeward way from school, an<£ settling his juvenile mind upon chicken- pie for dinner, had been grievously dis­ appointed. Warm and weary with the morning's work, the questions and suggestions fretted Mrs. Barney. She felt wounded and aggrieved, too, as she moved about silently after dinner. No one seemed to see that she carjed as much for things nice and comfortable as did the others, she said to herself. She cared far more, indeed, since she was willing to do without much now, and work ana plan for the sake of having things all that could be desired by-and-by. How many present comforts and conveni­ ences she had foregone for that! Those very cellar stairs, toward whose dark tortuous steps she was tending, were an example; they could scarcely be more illy-built, or in a more inconveni­ ent place. Mr. Barney had wanted to remove theift; but she would not allow him to incur the expense because a second removal might be necessary when the house was thoroughly re­ arranged. No, she had preferred to submit to the discomfort all this time. Too long a time it proved, for even while she meditated an insecure board slipped beneath her feet, plunging her down the narrow stairway against the tough stone wall, and then upon "the hard floor of the cellar. One swift mo­ ment of terror, the crash of dishes that fell from her hands, a flash of excruci­ ating pain, and then she knew nothing more. She did not hear Nealie's wild cry from the room above, nor see her husband's pale face as he lifted her in his arms. ' When she returned to consciousness a strange voice--the physician's--was saying: " N o bones broken, thoughit'sa won- der her neck wasn't, falling In the way she did." ® Slowly she opened her eyes upon' a confused mingling of anxious faces, wet cloths and bottles, of arnica and camphor, and gradually she compre­ hended what had happened, and her own condition--not dangerously in­ jured, but bruised and lamed, with a sprained ankle that would keep her a prisoner for some days at least. It was a sudden pause in her busy work--an enforced rest. She scarcely knew how to bear it for a moment, as she remem­ bered ail she had pianneu to do, until a second shuddering thought suggested that she might have left it all forever; then she grew patieiit and thankful. Yet it seemed strange to be quietly ly­ ing on the lounge in the bosl room, the room that had been kept so carefully closed to preserve its furniture until an addition to the house should trans­ mute it into a back parlor: to watch through Uie open door only a specta­ tor, while Nealie flitted to and fro in the kitchen beyond, snrs a dine the ta~ ble for tea. How good the children were that evening, and how thoughtful her hus­ band wp.s, coming to her side again and again to talk or read to her! They had not found much time for talking or reading together these late years, she and David; she had always been so busy when he was in the house. She had dreamed of a leisure time coining, though, when they should Lave many eveninsrs like this, except the illness or accident coming to mar her plans, or of death suddenly ending them. But it flashed upon her now how many loving words and offices and daily enjoyments had been crowded out of their home and in that brief retrospective glanoe she understood the meaning and the earnestness of Sister Searls' entreaty. " Why its all kind of real nice and jolly--if you wasn't hurt," declared Tommy, unable to express his enjoy­ ment of the pretty room, and th* unusual family gathering any more clearly. Tears gathered in the mother's eyes, but she had found her clue and meant to follow it. She had ample time for thought in the days that followed, when she%as only able to sew a little now and then, on garments for Tim, it look over seeds for Nealie's vine-plaii, ing; and slowly but surely she learned her lesson, and brought it back in health with her--to gather life's pleao antness as God sends his sunshinyt day by day.--Kate W. Hamilton, »n terior. , »e PERSONAL AND LITERARY. The Baltimore Gazette says o: well-known peripatetic journalist: word is so good that it is a bond to $ contrary of what he says." i --President Hayes has" received a leu. ter from " a Virginian," who no doubt is crazy, saying that unless he receives $200,000 from the White-House he will go there and assassinate Mr. Hayes. --Two thousand dollars is a moder­ ate price to pay for an honorable im­ mortality, yet this is the sum by which Elihu Yale gave his name to the most noted of American colleges. --Gen. Frank Williams, Postmaster of Stoninffton, Conn., has held that position or that of Deputy Postmaster there for fifty-two years, except for a short time while he was traveling in Europe. --Mr. William Wertenbaker, librari­ an of the University of Virginia, is eighty years old, and is said to have held that post for fifty-two years, his commission having been signed by Thomas Jefferson. --Mr. Charles E. Stowe, the son of Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe, has just been licensed to preach by the Congre­ gational Association. He is said to be clever, is a graduate of Harvard, and has studied at Bonn. --An eccentric man in Canton, Conn., who is seventy-five years old. has ordered that when he dies his horse, now eighteen years old, shall be killed, as the old gentleman says he could not rest in pcace if he thought the faithful beast was in danger of being abused. --Senator Bruce (colored) is said to have driven out, in his bachelor days, in a coape with a white driver. He is popular with his brother Senators. His wealth was acquired not, like that of most negroes who make money, Irom the menial occupations, but from plant­ ing in Mississippi.--N. T. Post. --An autopsy on the body of Dr. J. C. Ayer, the millionare pill-vender shows that the brain was hardened, the convolutions shrunken and yellowed, and the coverings thick and clouded, with general congestion of the mem­ branes, and all the signs of advanced general peresis, from which he had long suffered. The bones ol the skull were much thinned on the sides, and the arteries were hardened, obstructing the blood circulation; but the brain weighed fifty-three ounces, four or five ounces above the average. --It seems that Speaker Randall is one of the largest landowners in the United States, if a correspondent of the World is not mistaken. Writing about the title of the West Virginia land sold in this city a few days ago, he says. "Mr. Swann, a Massachusetts capital­ ist, lent large sums of money to Vir­ ginia during the Revolutionary War. He received in liquidation of the State's indebtedness to him a great land grant, which he located in Southwestern Vir­ ginia and in Eastern Kentucky. These: lands lie partly within the boundaries of McDowell County, and of the origi­ nal survey all that now remains in the State of West Virginia is an estate of 1,300,000 acies, belonging not to an obscure and unknown person such as the vendee in the late titular sale in New York, who only acquired his as­ sumed title in April of this present year, but to no less distinguished a gen­ tleman than Mr. Samuel J. Randall, the Speaker of the present House of Rep­ resentatives." ' Holy Week in Honduras* , ^Tegucigalpa is now the Cafrttsl of Honduras, in Central America. It has many very interesting relics of an­ tiquity, and if we but remember that a Catholic people conquered the aborig­ ines and impressed upon them their customs and religion, we are not At all surprised to find churches which count their years by centuries. So perfect is religious teaching here according to the New Testament that one walks not in spirit, but in body; not in imagination, but by immediate perception. During Lent one actually sees Christ begin his forty days of fast­ ing, and as the time advances he be­ comes thinner and thinner in flesh. He walks the streets with his disciples, ?reaches to them, is brought before ilate, tried, condemned, is made to bear his cross, enters the city on an ass colt, is crucified, buried, rises from the dead, and finally ascends to Heaven. I have not yet seen him go up to Heav- ««, b»it the good people Here assure me that Jesus really does ascend to Heav- cd in forty days, and as I have seen the entire drama, which ends in his death, I have become so credulous that I be­ lieve I shall see ths Savior go up on Ascension Day. What I have now told you in gen­ eral I shall describe in particular, that you also may believe how much this people are capable of doing. Palm Sunday was inaugurated by a grand procession from one church to another, .a distance of about half a mile. It was headed by boys dressed in a white blouse and cardinal red shirt, such as is usually worn by boys who serve at the altar. Of these boys there were about fifty, all bearing a green pine limb, about four feet long, held upright, and presenting the ap­ pearance of a moving forest. Follow­ ing these were the priests, six in num­ ber, all in full church vestments. Then came a person representing Christ, riding on an ass and bearing Hi cross. I do not know where they get their authority for compelling him to bear His cross before He was tried be­ fore Pilate. Following in this proces­ sion were the fathers of the Church, numbering possibly two hundred, also bearing palms; then came the younger people and soldiers. The number must Hppr* at least one tkousjuuL TJu enjol tnond, Hebron 12 cents above, Bi ply 124 cents, and Algonquin 23 cents a weal and the lowest valuation in the c< w®a1 is for Riley, 014,86. The numb won 'own assessed in the vlllag \8 Richmond is. 242; at an average V live j tion of $256.84; or a total vali^ cup.J 971,036. From this assessment the; H mittee deducted 5 per cent, m ^er, J the total #58,984. Richmond O fromi , expel Plea«> copy. CO.NV] I congratulate the PLAINDSA^ mmq^ . 19 IIIV lliuat xrtrrA- Worthy, since every joint of the body is made movable by means of hinges, and his face assumes the different ex­ pressions that a person is supposed to undergo from the first nailing to the' cross to the point of death. So im­ pressive was this ceremony that men shed tears and women wept aloud ahd fainted. Indeed pen cannot describe and do justice to the scenes that daily took place during Holy Week. Proces­ sions were held daily on the streets, ex­ hibiting to those WHO were too careless- or indifferent to attend the churches the various scenes through which Christ is recorded to have passed during the pe­ riod just preceding his crucifixion. On Thursday,at four p. m..wfas inaugurated the lamentations which are supposed to have been made by the friends of Christ, and men, in squads of from six or eight up to fifty and a hundred, and likewise of women, performed what is known as " making the stations," go­ ing from church to church, each party keeping a short distance from the oth­ ers, repeating at the same time their prayers in a loud tone. To each squad was a leader, who led the prayers, while the others answered in chorus; and this was kept up through the entire night till six in the morning, of Friday. So steady was this moving of worship­ ers that my sleep was disturbed the entire night. Some bands were so large that -.their-choral response - could be neard a square off, and my resi­ dence being on the street of their passage, the approach of such a band always woke me from my slumbers. The noise resembled distant thunder. On Thursday, at noon, the President of the Republic visited the cathedral to worship, and remained one hour. He was escorted by the military, with arms reversed, drums and bugles draped in heavy mourning, the music tyeing fu­ nereal. On Friday, at two p. m., came the nailing to the cross in the cathedral. At the same time the bells at all the churches tolled solemnly to indicate that the hour had come, and simultane­ ously every residence of those 'who could afford it was draped, the win­ dows and doors in deep mourning, and so they remained until Sunday, or the day of the resurrection. From the steeples of every church floated black flags at half mast. After the crucifixion scene on Friday, at live p. m., the body Was taken down, and then began the greatest procession of the occasion, wlien the body was taken from the cathedral to another church, half a mile distant, in great solemnity.--Cor. N. T. Observer. --A young Sacramento lady a year ago commenced using arsenic for her complexion and bleaching her hair. After a few months she began to com­ plain of terrible headaches, and has finally been sent to Stockton a hopeless lunatic. Yexatlon of Different Weights. A writer in the New England Journal of Education argues in favor of the adoption of the metric system by show­ ing the confusion introduced in weights by the statutes of different States. He says: People living near the boundaries of a State are constantly in trouble be­ cause of these extra laws on weights and measures. A few illustrations will suffice: Twenty-four pounder of dried apples are a bi^hel in Illinois, twenty-five in Indiana, twenty-eight in Michigan. Of barley--forty-six in Iowa, forty-eight in Indiana. Buckwheat--fifty-two in Illinois, forty in Wisconsin, forty-two in Michigan and fifty ih Indiana. Broom-corn seed--forty^six in Indiana* and thirty in Ohio. , Corn meal--forty-eight in Wiscon­ sin, and fifty in Michigan. Dried peaches--twenty-three m Iowa, twen­ ty-eight in Wisconsin, and thirty-three in Indiana; while of dried peaches pared--forty pounds in Illinois, thirty- three in Iowa, twenty-eight in Wiscon­ sin, and thirty-six in Ohio make a bushel. Blue-grass seed--fourteen in Wiscon­ sin, and ten in Ohio; but of clover-grass seed, sixty in Indian? and sixty-two in Ohio; while of Hungarian grass-seed-- forty-eight in Indiana and fifty in Ohio; and of millet grass seeds--forty-five in Iowa and fifty in Ohio. And the end is not yet, for of hemp seed forty-four pounds in Indiana and forty-two in Ohio make a bushel. Thir­ ty-six pounds of malt barley in Iowa, thirty-eight in Indiana and thirty-four in Ohio; while of malt rve, thirty-five pounds in Illinois, thirty-four in Ohio, are a bushel. Mineral eoal--forty in Illinois and seventy in Indiana. Oats--thirty-three in Iowa, thirty-two in Indiana, thirty- five in Maine and thirty in Ohio. Onions -fifty-seven in Indiana and fifty-six in Ohio; but of onion tops--twenty-eight in Indiana and twenty-five in Ohio. Sweet potatoes--fifty-four in Wiscon­ sin, fifty in Maine, fifty-five in Ohio. Fine salt--fifty-five in Illinois, fifty-six in Indiana, fifty in Ohio. Turnips-- fifty-five in Indiana, fifty-six in Ohio. So many inconsistencies in the one matter of bushels in three or four ad­ joining States. A bushel of coal weighs forty pounds on the Illinois side of the line, but hand it across that line, and it is only 40-70 of a bushel. John Chinaman and the Bool. At a shoe store in San Francisco: The persons concerned were the pro­ prietor of the store and a John China­ man. Examining a pair of boots, price five dollars, John inquired: " How muchee you axee for bootee?" In a spirit of wagery, it is presumable, the owner replied: " Two dollar and a halfee. John. Very cheap bootee, aintee?" "Cheapee bootee," said John, who thereupon examined a pair, and, concluding to buy, offered a quar­ ter eagle. " But," said the dealer in leather, " this is only enough for one boot. They are two dollars and fifty cents apiece; two boots cost five dol­ lars." John was somewhat aston­ ished, said he would not buy, and de­ manded the return of his money; but the dealer was inexorable. " No John," said the latter, " you have got one boot and paid for it; now give me another piece Jike this and take the other." John saw the drift of the game and was at once resolved. " Well," said he, " this bootee be mine, may beP I pay for he?" " Yes," said the dealer. " And you no give me other bootee?" asked John. " Not without the money," said the other. " Well," said John, " I do with he bootee what I please--I cuttee he up." And there­ upon John whipped out a knife, cut the boot to pieces and thrfiw it into the street, exclaiming as he departed: " That am my bootee; that other be your bootee; you sell he to next fool Chinaman what come along." At last accounts the boot dealer was looking for the man with a wooden leg, to whom he might sell the odd boot and thus save the expense.--Turner's Falls Reporter. The Claque in Paris Theaters. INCIDENTS AID ACCIDENTS. -The bite of a black spider r iniwofl the death of a Norristo^u (Pa.) child, two years old, a few days ago. „ "The sun caused a false alarm at New York, the other day, an automata ie telegraph wire running under a skit light being so heated that the thunj£.r stadt was affected as if by fire. --Evidently organ-grinders have no rights whatever in this country. One of them found it necessary, at Potto- town, Pa., the .other day, to compel a woman to pay for the music she had listened to by pointing: a pi&tol at hifr head. --A boy named Crowley, an inmate of the New York Juvenile Asylum, dreamed the other night that he wa»A struck by lightning and killed. He re­ lated the story at the breakfast table next morning. In less than an hoar after, while playing ball, he was struck by the bat and killed instantly. >. > --Miss Lida ilutton, sitting on"ii porch at her home at Avoudale, Ohio, on ths 4th, suddenly fell dead, as wfts at first supposed, from apoplexy, but an examination of her body disclosed the fact that a bullet had entered her breast and passed out at her back, kill­ ing her instantly. It was not knowk where the shot came from. --The Connecticutese are well known to be an ingenious and economical peo­ ple. Unfinished houses are by law ex­ empt from taxation--a circumstance of which a resident of Cos Cob has availed himself to leave up tho scaffold­ ing round his house and a window un­ finished. In this condition he has oc­ cupied it for years, defying the baffled Tax-Collector. --The Scran ton (Pa.) Republican of a recent date, says: "Recently there was quite a rivalry among the dealers in milk, and the result is a great reduc­ tion in prices. Five cents a quart seemed the standard figure, but even this was beaten by a dealer who started selling it for four cents, and established a regular route. He secured a brisk business, and among his customers was Mr. Fritz, the harness-maker, who bought a dollars' worth of tickets. A day or two after there was a commo­ tion in the household. A lizard was seen swimming about in the milk-pitch­ er. The thought that somebody migiit have swallowed the reptile, which mea­ sured about an inch and a half in length, made the matter all the more exciting, and the milkman was speedily advised of the circumstance. He explained the presence of the reptile by the fact that ne kept his milk-cans near the spring for cleanliness, and the lizard went In to get a drink of pure four-cent milk. A "chef de claque" sometimes pays so much a year to a manager for his privilege; but in most cases he works simply on condition of filling so many seats every night with applauders. When there is a piece on the bills that does not draw he may find himself out of pocket by this arrangement, and it has now and then happened that a chef' has had to recruit "claquers" by giving them five sous a head and a ;lass of wine between each act to induce them to sit out the five acts of a tedious piece. And even then many being struck with the incongruity of applauding nonsense have been known to do their duty in a lukewarm way, bringing upon themselvesthe indignant rcproaciies of their employer. In general a " chef de claque" has half a dozen salaried "sous-chefs," who attend every night and form the nucleus of his staff. Their headquarters are at some wine shop, and there they recruit tlieir " Romans?1 nightly by selling tickets to them cheaper than at the booking office. When a piece is attractive there are always plenty of volunteers who will applaud for the sake of getting a seat cheap, and on the nights of first performances of plays by Dumas, Augier or Sardou the "claque" seats fetch fancy prices, just like those in the other parts of the house. During the first few perform­ ances of M. Sardou's " Rabagas" the "chef de claque" at the Vaudeville found buyers at the rate of twenty francs a seat, and he must have made an amazing haul, but such occasions are, of course, exceptional. It is always an understood thing that a person who buys a "claque" ticket is bound on his honor to clap whenever the signal is given by the "chef;" an the indeed, if he fails to do so he is nudg< in the ribs by one cf the "sous-chefs and regaled with some warm languagr James between the acts. There are tiim„* h h when a "claque" is expected to mar- , " use of its fists, as well as of its ou *-,or,ier8 stretched palms. If a cabal is got i* has sold against a player it becomes the uuty 4th Shop, the "claquers" to see that play* William well through the business, whether l^k pOT5e8- or she be a liberal "tipper" or no. / . . The credit of the house is at stake if such cases, and many doughtJw® wish "claquers" have been known to she<f«rs, for- A California Mining Story* Not many miles from Shasta City Is the gulch of which the following mth­ ing story is told. It is a pretty deep ravine, with rooks showing all the way up the sides. Gold in paying quanti­ ties had been found along* the stream, but it seemed i.o disappear a few feet from the channel. One day, whilst a gang of busy men were toiling in tfte stream, a stranger, evidently green at mining, came along and leaned on rag­ ged elbows to watch, with protruding eyes, the result of their toil. The mi­ ner nearest him took out a five-dollar nugget, and anxiety overcame the greenhorn. " S-a-a-y," he asked, "where can I go to diggiu' to find it like that?" The hardy miner stopped his work, and giving the wink to aM the boys, so that the joke should not be lost, pointed up on the barren rocks where no gold had ever been found. " Ye see that rough lookin' place P" " Yes, yes," said the new hand. "Well, thar it is rich. Jes ye stake out ?* claim, an go ter work, an when we fin­ ish here we'll come up, too." Th^n the new hand thanked the honest mih-> er; and the boys all grinned apprecia­ tion of the joke. That afternoon they was a solitary figure picking away on the slope, and every time the miners looked up they roared with laughter. But about the next day the green­ horn struck a pocket, and took out something like $30,000 In a few minutes. Then, innocept to the lost, he treated all around, and thanked the miner who sent him up there, and took his money and went down into the valley and bought him a farm. Then the unhappy min­ ers arose, leaving their old claims and dotted that hillside for days. But there were no more pockets anywhere. The whole thing reads just like a tra­ ditional fairy story. But then I saw the fuleh. Much more unbelievable things ave happened in the mines.--Sum Francisco Bulletin. nasal blood in v&iantly doing their du^ ty in a pit battle. On the whole, though, the sweets of a "chef de claque's" life exceed the sours, and most of them retire after a few years with handsome fortunes. One who had exercised his turbulent functions for more than twenty years became a millionaire, bought a landed estate, and waS subsequently returned to the Imperial Corps Legisl^tif as an official Deputy. After haying ap­ plauded good and bad actors^ he fitly crowned his career by applauding good and bad Ministers through thick and thin.--London Daily News. IT is never too late to mend; but the better way is to avoid getting on' a tare. Latest Fashion Items. New neckties for gentlemen are of white linen duck. Pineapple handkerchiefs are folded into cravat bows. Black Russian lace trims handsome grenadine dresses. The soft willow feathers tipped witJh '"ffte subscribers would sajfj you wish to clothe your fa mild •do so by bringing or sending j| and exchange the same for g~ able goods. Will give yon washed from 25 to 28 cti., for on the sheep 35 to 37| ets., and washed 45 cts., and sell you per eent less than last year. W. A. WliKELEl , North Main St., Jaaea X:'£8 UNDENIABLE TB '^oii deserve to suffer, an lead a miserable, un^ati^factQ this beautiful world. It is ent own fault and there is only <| These dresses are excellent for coolness and durability. A stylish and novel way of freshen­ ing up dresses is to make a jabot of ribbon loops, that begin at the left ol the belt and extend to the hem of the dress.--N. ¥. Tribune. made. A CALIFORNIA paper tells of a hen that has a mania for laying in umbrel­ las. Now that umbrellas are so cheap there is no difficulty about laying: then* in, but the prevailing mania is for bor­ rowing and not returning them. If that hen had been on-nest, she would have kept away from the junbrella stand.--Philadelphia Bulletin.