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Wll IMSICA I.ITI ts. A medical writer, asks: '"Does po»l- tlon *0ect Bleep?*' Well, rather; If you're liuug up by your trowaert on h •|>lke<l fence, you won't sleep y«ry Soundly. Boston recently celebrated Its 350th atiuiversary, uud it is said that some •f the hotels served up for the occa­ sion spring chickens bom on the fctlenti-, oal day the city was founded. "Why do not more of oar yonitg men get married?" asks a recent writer. Whist! till we tell him. There J«n't more than about one young man In ten who is worth marrying, and the girls arc finding it out. "We had a short-eake for tea," said a girl to a neighbor's boy. to whom •lie was talking through the fence. "So 4id we." tie answered; "very short--so Very short-it didn't go round." A southwestern editor, speakiifg of a large and fat contemporary, re­ marked that if all wap grass, he must be a load of lliay. "I expect I am,** said the fat man, "from the way the donkeys are nibbling a; me.'* A man who married a Jewess short­ ly afterwards joined the temperanee society, and never dared to kiss his wife from that day, becanso he had Considered himself prohibited, by the pledge from meddling with Jew-lips. He said lie was bashful, and blushed painfully, and aiked her if she could spell bashful. She said she might do it 011 a pinch, and spelled it b-a-s-h-f-o-o-1. Then he looked uneasily at her and began to wonder if she were unutter­ ably ignorant or superlatively sarcas­ tic. "Blondes," says a society Journal, "are ,out of ifashion." Young men who have recently married blonde» will "^jnowl deeply regret that tliry didn't select brunettes. The fact^that a mauVwife is an unfashionable blonde is not sufficient grounds for a divorce, we believe;and.if he was to exchange her for a.dark-hued woman it would occasion unpleasant remark. Everybody has heard of the jolly Dutchman who, when the steamboat was likely to siuk, succeeded, after much trouble, In finding a life-pre- fierver large enough to fit hiiu. While he was trying his best to blow it up, a young fellow standing by said: "You can't fill that with wind; it leaks.-- Don't you hear it siss?" "Ish dot »o?" tie replied. "Vail, I dinks, deu, I pet- fcer keep de vind in myself." A subscriber wants te know,"hew to pot plauts for the winter." The belt way is to procure a pot large enough to hold all the plants, and pitch 'em In, cover with dirt and set the pet in one corner of the yard until spring time comes again, gentle Annie. Every plant may be as dead as Julius Caesar: but this ia bfcter than to carry 95 f rorth of plauts in the garret In the all and bestow 930 worth of labor and -.Attention on them. FALL ASS WISTZB OAMPAICIT OPENED. LAUER & BECKER, |Near the Depot McHenry - - - - - Illinois, Have Just lllt4 licit •tyre *Hh a fail sleek e( the latest iljrlti Ml pat­ terns of CLOTHS, -FOR-- Fall & Winter Suitings. Which they are prepare ed to make to ordur on abort notice, and war­ rant satisfaction. We also have a full l ine of FURNISHING COODS* Collars, Cuffs.SnSpenders, Hosiery, HATS, CAPS, &c. in which we will aot be nndersold, quality of Roods considered. In the Hat line wo hare the Garfleld and Hancock, the latest and nobbiest style out. When in want of a single garment or a.full suit do not fail to give us a calL LAUER A BECKER McHenry, Oct. 5th,JW80. I®"Charles D. McGuffey, of Chatta­ nooga, has been endeavoring to "get some idea" of the magnitude of the national debt at the close of the war. He has made the dhlculation|that if four men were to sit down to pay the Interest, and count a silver dollar a second, and work every second of the year, theylcould not |keep tdown the Interest on the original debt; and if another should sit down at two years of age to count the principal at the same rate, he would be over one hundred and seven years ol<} by the time he counted the last dollar, interest on the principal having ceased from the first moment. The pile of silver, more­ over, which he would make in count- Ins: that principal woulil be four feet square and fifteen tidies as high as Lookout Mountain (1.600 feet above Chattanooga); and if the silver were conveyed in a continuous wagon train, each wagon carrying a ton and each wagon and team occupying thirty-five feet the train would strctch fiom Chat­ tanooga to Columbus. ®®*The people of the United States may well rejoice at the "goodly her­ itage" with whlfch we are endowed.-- Aud yet how few can grasp the re­ sources of our great farm. Hon S. B Ruggles has published a monograph on the agricultural pwjgr^s of the nation in cheapening the food Europe and America, lh It he brings out the amazing facts of the constantly in­ creasing growth of our cereal products. They were 615,000,000 bushels In 1840, 802,000.000 in 1850,1,238,000,000 in I860* 1,387,000.000 in 1870, 2.178,000,000in 1877] and 2,431,000.000 in 1879. The value of the annual products increased from 33.965,000.000 in 1750, to #7*977,000,- 000 In 1860. and 911.006 000,000 in 1870.-- It also states that north of the Ohio river there are 400.000.000 acres of land Immediately availabla, which can pro­ duce in wheat and other cereals at least 4.800.000.000 bushels annually to meet the demands of & greatly increasing population. Can there be any doubt that this is to be the granery of the World? >• D W I G H T Is more pared to move on the works of the enemy who are for ever charging the good peo­ ple of McHenry Co. such fear high prices for Boots M MI Her Ms. ' ' ' • He has just bought especially for the HOLIDAY TRADE a mam­ moth stock of Fancy and Plain Slippers which must be sold in season Regardless of Cost. He buys and sells more Boots and Shoes than all other dealers in Woodstock. Come and see him. Cor. Main St. and Public Square WOODSTOCK, ILJU ICOLBY BROTHERS! Ne* Hardware 8tore. L N. MEAD! NEAR THE DEPOT, --DEALER IN-* HARDWARE. STOVES, Tin. Copper and Sheet Iron fare, Table and Pocket Outlarr, SnUaors and Shears, Horse Rasps, Horse Shoes, Horseshoe Nails, ami riles of every description. Also everything thatls generally kept in a Hard, ware Store. Being a Practical Workman, I shall spare no pains in trying to give satis­ faction to all,who faTorJme with their patron age. All kinds o! Jobbing In mj line will receive prompt attention. Please give me a call before purchasing elsewhere when in need of anything in my HUE . I. N. MEAD. MnHenry,Oct. 10th . 1§79. --DEALERS IX-- General Merchandise, RIVERSIDE BLOCK, McHENY, ILL. We have one of the most complete stocks of Goods ever brought to this market, consisting in part ot m. Dry BOOTS AND SHOES, Notice. ThogA of our reAdors desiring steady and profitable employment, or valuable reading matter cheap for 18*1, should send 1« cents to the FRANK LESLIE PUBLISHING CO,. 61 Dey St. New York, for a complete net of thoir publications, and Illustrated Catalogue, con­ taining list of premiums, Ac.. or $1.00 for a complete agen ts* outfit of W beautiful thro, mos and our preminm book of valuable in­ formation, containing orer 900 pagss, with •ample copies of all our publications, Ac. See advertisement in another column. An active agent wanted in every towi-- twenty to thirty dollarn can be ruade weekly. Their il lustrated publications with their new premiums, take at sight. Do not delay if you wish to sccure your territory. ADDROS*, RITANK LBSLIB PUBLISHING CO., 15 Dey .^..New York. JOHN8BURGH 8®^The President of the United States cannot be arrested. If he com- Its any hijfh crime or misdemeanor lie can be impeached by the llenae! Wied by the Senate, and if convicted (pan be removed from office. After re­ moval from office he can be arrested »nd .tried, the same as any other cit­ izen, for any crime which he had com­ mitted wlillc in office. If the Presi­ dent could be arrested on charges pre- ferred against him. any petty magis­ trate might endanger the peace of the lountry. v Colby Bros., have just received a fine Jtn« of Youth's and children* clothing imd can now lit any from Ave years old Mt>. Their stock of clothing Is com- tn every particular, to which they invite the buying ' " »^v •- - Martin Warts. HENRY MILLER, --DKALBB IN-- American aid Foreip Marble. Monuments, Headstones, ETC., ETC., ETC. American & Scotch Granite, Constantly on Hand. Shop Two miles North of Mo- Henry, 111. fohneburgh, Aug. 90th.11877 Administrator's Nolice. °' Thomas Dindriok rleo.oasod.-- having been appointed ul , x <• . t , i e o f Thomas J/",,0 , t , i e County of McHenry, JHinois. deceased, hereby K'ves notice that she will appear before the County H«M . '! *!o M 1* ,"T County, at the Court m, a t t h e January Term Momlay in January next, at ««Vh i- . '"i0 * Persons havinfr c 'aims against * r * r e an«l requested to at. itnn »or tlx* purpose . .f having the same ad- justoii . All persons indebted to said Estate nrc re((UPftod to make iininediHte payment to Ibe undersigned. Dated this 80th day of Voremticr A, D. 1880 MABY DIEDBICK, Administratrix. Paints, Oils, Drugs and Medicines, Crockery, Glassware, W ooden and Willoware, Groceries Etc., Etc f^r*We have one of the finest Stocks of Tens to be found in the County. to which we invite the especial attention of the public, sat­ isfied that we can suit them both in quality and price. ANOTHER ADDITION. G. W. BESLEY, Driopt ani Ajothecary. McHenry, 111. --DEALER IN-- Drugs, Medicines, Faints, Oils, and Toilet Articles. I have added to mv alreadv Larare Stock, a Fine Line oi TOILET ARTICLES, LAMPS. CHOICE CANDIES. HOLIDAY GOODS, <fcc. - To which he invites the attention of the buying public. Physicians Prescriptions Carefully Compounded. Gi^ meaCal». G W BESLEY McHenry, 111., Nov. 10th, 1880. " " 1 T>T?C ,"p business now before the public JjI-iOl. Tou can make money faster at work for us than at anvlhinK else. Capital not required. We will 'start you. #12 a dnv and upwards made at home I)v the industri­ ous, Men, women, hoys anil Kirls wanted everywhere to work for us. Now is the tunc You can devote your whole time to the work, or only vour spare moments. No other busi­ ness will pay you nearly as well. No ono willing to work can fail to make enormous pay by engaffinff atonce. Costly outfit and terms free. A Kreat opportunity for making money eaaily and honorably. Address TKUE & Co., Augusta, Maine. CARRIAGES, BUGGIE3, &c. We are now exhibiting a fine Une of Top Buggies, Phaetons, open Bug­ gies, Platform Spring Wagons of best make, aiuf warranted at lowest prices. 1. H. OWEN A Sow. GUIDE to SUCCESST FOK Business AND Society. BV F A , t tho best Business and Social finnleapd Hand.Hook ever miblished. Much the latest. I t tells l»oth sexes completely HOW TO nOKVKKVTHING in the b!£t way, How to be Your Own Lawyer, How to do ItiiMnexs Correctly at><! Sitcresnfully llow to Act in Society and in every part of life, and contains a gold mine of varied information, indispensable to nil t-lapses for constant ref­ erence, AOKNTS \V/% NTKI) f«»r all or spare time. To know why this baok of RKAI- value and attrnctioiiH sells butter than any other, apply for terms to • -•"•wmt J,. KOBT. HARRISON, W auconda. 111. Will sell you better Goods at lower prices than any other house in the county. Our line of D R Y G O O D S , Dress Goods, Hosiery, Toyvels, Table Linens, by the yard, and Pattern Napkins, and other articles too numerous to mention. Our lino of BOOTS & SHOES, Were never better as we have just received a new assortment. It is of 110 use to attempt to tell you all. We could not tell you even one- tenth part of it. The only way tor you to be convinced that what we say is true is for you to come and see for yourself. That certainly is t'air. In Groceries, We never had a larger stock, and we will not be undersold, quali­ ty of Goods considered. Give us a c'all when in want of anything in ourline- ROBT. HARRISON. Waucondvi, 111.; Nov. 24th, 1880. P I A N O S . GRANDS, UPRIGHTS AND SQUARES, Established ia Chicago ovar 26 Years, Ussd and Recommended by over 25,000 Artists & Amateurs Our Patent. Self-Bearing Agraffe attachment, Concave Name- Board, aud improved Veneered Bridge, arc valuable improvements, used in the Bauer Pianos only. Th.© Bauer Cabinet Grands, The newest and (most Perfect Production in the art of l ' iano Making. By the introduc- tion of an improved Violin-Shaped Sounding Board the volume of tone isgreatly increased, and left entirely free from Metallic Qualities Promenent Artist* Pronounce it a Marvel of Perfection. MB8BR8.".JULIUS BAUER * CO., Chicago, 111: GENTLEMEN: The Bauer Piano which I purchased of you. I am happy to say,"Is" growing t n .• 'or every day. The more I use it the better I l ike it . I have had pianos from many vflcbrated factories, l iuilinve found none to equal vours in power and purity of tone, SXOIIASSIKO m y OABE Wh. BAU KR has proved a"lasting "ne.h '° ' ' P T O m , , t 6 d m e l n Pittsburgh, Pa., Nov. 28,nS" r e 8Pe C t f l l l l> ' JOHN HEBLING, Factory, 125, 127,129 E 129 Street, New York. A Complete Assortment of the Favorite Pianos will be found * at our Warercoms. JULIUS BAUER & CO. 182>184 W/ ABASH AV. between Monroe and Adams St. CHICAGO JACOB STORY, MeHENRY, ILL DEALER IN are, Scissors, Shears, Table and Pocket Cutlery, Spades, Shovels, Forks, Corn Knives, Axes, Grindstones, Window Glass, GRANITE-IRON AND TINWARE. J. STCRY. Attention! We are Not closing out, but are better prepared than ever to give rlose bargains on all kinds of Farm Machinery We make a speciality of ill the leading Machinery, among which are Walter A. Wood Reapers and Mowcrsj Peerless combined Reap­ ers, Leader Reapers, the celebrated Manny and Standard Mowers. P urst & Bradley's Cultivators, Rakes and Plows. Four leading Cultivators. The celebrated and unrivaled "iger Rake, Hollings- w orth Rakes and several others. PUMPS PUMPS! PUMPS! We also have a full assortment ot* the celebrated BUKEYE J OR E PUMP always on hand. Also the Adams Kenosha for a Wood Pump. km I Buigies! Bnsl Also We keep an assortment of Wagonsand Buggies ot all kinds, Howe's Planters, and in*faet everything that a fanner wants. If in want of anything in our line do not fail to call as we know we can suit you, at the Old Stand, opposite the Mill. 15. M. OWEIV & . HANLY --PROPBIETORSgdF MCHENRY BRICK HILLS, NEAR THE DEPOT. McHenry, - Illinois The public are respectfully in­ formed that the above named nrnfthave constantly on hand * large stock of the very Finest Flour, Bolted Meal, Feed, 4c. Vro have mi usual- facilities fo»- manufacturing and are well pio pared to do With all possible dispatch, and we are confident that 110 Mill in the Northwest can surpass u». either in the promptness of work done for customers, or IN-QUANTITY OR QUALITY |5ir"MERCHANTS and others who handle Flour are especially requested to give us a call, as our different Brands of Flour ars second to none in the market Thanking the public for past favors we hope for a continuance of the same A. H. HANLY & SONS McHenry, 111, Aug 10,1880 Ready for Fall Trade. JOI rue A iniiiig Has just put in his Store a Largre Stock than ever, and is selling at the very Lowest Prices possible. HAVE GIVEN PRIES BOT. Extension Tables, $1. per foot. Breakfast Tables, all walnut, $3.75. Centre Tables, from $3.50 and upwards. Common Bed­ steads, $2.75, $3.00 French black walnut bedsteads, $5.75 and upwards. Common Kitchen hairs,J $3. Cane Seat Chairs^ $5 up to $14t Bureaus $9 and upwards. Commodes and Wash- stands, $4.50 and upwaids. Lounges, Brussels Carpet, $8. Mattresses, all sixes, $2.75. Bu­ reau, with 14x24 Glass, $15. Looking Glasses and Brackets, Wall Pockets, etc. I also keep on hand a fine as­ sortment of COFFINS AND CASKETS, If-WHearse furnished at rea­ sonable rates. JOHN B. BLAKE McHenry, August 23, 1880. Established Orer a Quarter oi a Ceatnry. F. C. MAYES, MM Tailiir! -AND DEALEK IN-- Ready-Made Clothing. Cloths, Cassimerc nnd Worsteds to sell by the vard. The latest stvles of Woods on hana at nil times. My stock of READY-UiDI CLOTHING is npw complete apd ^ Will not be undersold Store in Old McHenry, neaf the Bridge. McHenry. III., Noy^i\ithT 18^?*^E8.