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3WUUB tag propped MCi-Tra in low is Jost flva-and-tweljljr. * Pretty ? A matter of ta*to; 4- t Ween the re be rosier choeVs, Ttom ; Perhaps, too, aa irnpkt waist ••It what do ycra need with the earth, ^"hen a hemisphere fill* the bUlt the idiot calls for Niagara. ' -When happines* lurks in a gitL feomember the Titian Danae; That piri h> a t-hower erf stars? Qot a Jiun's physiqui*--It alarms DM Th.it she isn't behind the bars. TO like to see J<vve, the Immortal, Aronped from an aftern<ion nap, , Alt<1 brought face to face with the prowM Ol holding that girl on his lap I Vlnn look at the Angelo frescoes; There isn't a sea-dog that swims •at would leap at the flattering ®f owning such mastodon " Aad what of the Venns de Milo? Itespfiots to the clawrieai dame, f»a-my winh that the rascal who found Mr Bad Croken a third of her frame. ffenre might, in the ages atfono, Tom, Sefote men attended the club, B» demand for those imiHou.'ar females To govmn ttieir lords and the tub, 11 to wield in the gardens primeval •The earlier weapon of toil, With the music ol beasts to enliven The sun at its midsummer broil; Kre the arts of the corset and rouge, Toaa, Had sect to their pioneer grave These hideous demi-god models That frighten, though never can UTa M what we need now is a creator* Of meekqees a&d delicate stae; fin pounds just a hundred and ten, Tom, When you talk of the capital priaa 1 A being exquisitely gent'e, • Oumbiniug the roee-leaf and queen, Who will not settle down on your knee, Too, fc'ith the force of a first-mortgage Ilea. Ton dontjiuite agree with my notions? Ah ! wiflll, one competitor's gone; Hon en^war by the elephant pattern And I'll be content with the fawn. lure in his uniform. He * man. My turo came. I was the last speak­ er. 1 was well known to moat of the fudience, as I had been a long time in •thd college. The applause, as I began and ended, was vehement, but I scarcely heard it. A train had arrived just as I kad mounted the rostrum. Surely he Iras in it! Sorely he would claim me How before them all! I stepped down when I had finished, and took my place in the class- to receive my diploma. It was given. There was a short prayer, tunl all was over. Carrying the roll of parchment in my hand proudly as if it had been a Marshal's baton, "i went out, with Jenny clinging to my win, to the campus, crowded with my friends. Leaning "against the fence- was a bloated, blear-eyed nan, whose worn clothes showed that he had walked a long way. Two of the professors wore talking together behind the pillar by which I stood. "Yes, that is he," said one. "Gone quite to the dogs. Rum! rum! But lie has one redeeming trait. For nine Scars he has sent his pay to support thin oy and girl, and has lived himself on a mere pittance of his pay." " But they never saw him. What in­ duced him to sacrifice himself in that way ?' ® " They were all he had. The only drops of his blood in the world ran in tbeir veins. The poor wretch has never had anybody to care for him, and per­ haps he thought these children might have some affection for him, ruined as he is by his appetite for drink." I stood, stunned and dumb. I--I!---- It was--it was my brother, my hero, that they meant! ... At that moment the man came for­ ward, trembling. He had not drank that day, and was unsteady from excite­ ment and the want of liquor. " Rob­ ert !" He held out his hand, appeal- ingly. " I am your brother Douglas !" I made no answer. I glanced around in deadly terror lest some one should hear him. They had all heard. Then I looked him full in the eyes. " This man is mad !" I said, deliber­ ately. "You are nothing to me--noth- MY HEM. I had but one hero in my childhood, and that was a brother whom I haa never seen. When I was born my mother died, and Douglas, then a lad of seventeen, was sent to the Naval Academy at An­ napolis. He went into the navy a few years later as midshipman, and was sent on a fo^ir years' cruise. > Jennv, my sister, and Ireceived boxes . _ r from him from China, Australia, India, f 'nS • I can own no relationship with with strange, costly toys, aud joking, ' such as you ! affectionate letters, which we prized more than the gifts. We talked incessantly at school of " my brother, the Captain," and be­ lieved that the adventures of Sinbad were tame beside those which we im­ agined for him. He was, in short, the one hcroic and brilliant, though unseen, figure in our commonplace lives, upon which we hung all the romance and fancy which came to us from other eonrces. My father died when I was a boy of ten. Capt. Douglas came home in time to see him before he died. I re­ member of being led with Jenny to father's bedside, where a tall, bearded man stood, who put his arms about ILL, and, with a broken vrr( said: "Before Go<l, father, I promise yon that they shall be my care I " He wa3 compelled to join his ship as ooon as the funeral was over. The next week Jenny and I were removed to the town of Clinton, where t/e were placed at different boarding-schools. For nine years this invisible brother was our guardian angel. Nothing that money could supply was wanting to us. His letters, always full of a sailor's rol­ licking fun, were also tender as a wom- anV. There was a strange sensitiveness, too, in his affection that might have belonged to a mother. Whatever schools we were in, he al­ ways insisted that we should be free to pass one day in the week together; and on that day we usually compared his let­ ters, or messages, and brought him be­ fore each other in yet more heroic col­ ors. There was a certain mystery about liim, too, which added to our romantic affection. Why did he never come to see us ? Surely in nine years he could have had a furlough! We begged him in our letters to come, or, at least, to send us his photograph ; but instead came only playful excuses. " All very handsome men are modest," I said to Jenny, with the authority of a «oilege Senior, "and my recollection of In-other Douglas is that of a man of a euperb presence and the highest type of manly beauty." • At last the day came when I was to graduate, and Jenny to leave her school m the same town. It was impossible for Douglas longer to remain whelly sepa­ rated from us. We both wrote to him. "Surely," I said, "you will no longer refuse to come to us. You have been father, brother--all to us. Let me show you to my friends." I tried to tell him how noble he seemed to me ; how I had made him the model,of my own life. " Come to us," I urged. "Help me to be a man like yourself." Jenny inclosed a note, which I read and had half a mind not to send, so simple and girlish did it seem to me. "Dear brother," Bhe said, "we have a right to be with you. God has given ns to each other. You are alone, and I feel that you need the love we have for you. Let us at least make a home for you ; you have done everything for us." As if Douglas could need poor little Jenny and me! I thought of the wisest and best men, the most beautiful Women in the country, as only a court in which he moved like a Prince. The answer come almost immediately. Douglas could not be very distant. It was, oddlv enough, addressed to Jenny. He spoke to her as if she were a woman. " You are right, little sister," so the letter ran, " I need more than you know home and the love which you say you have given me. I had fully resolved never to show jnyself to you, but your words have moved me strangely. It is as if God spoke to me through them. I will come to you to-morrow." I was wild with triumph. I was full then of boyish conceit and the desire to appear well in the eyes of the world. The commencement day was a momen­ tous epoch in my life. All of my college companions and lady friends would be there. He staggered back as if he had been shot. " Great God !" he muttered. " I did not expect this I But--I--have--de­ served it!" There was a sudden rush, and a sob­ bing cry, and Jenny had both her arms around nis neck. " Douglas ! Brother Douglas!" she cried. "I have you at last !" Then she drew back, with her arm about him, and, turning to a party of her friends who stood near, said, with a calm dignity : " This is my brother Douglas. I owe everything I am and have in the world to him. And I have never seen him be­ fore. You will excuse me if I go with him now." She clung to his arm and led him away. " Let me go! " he said, struggling to withdraw from hor. "Let me go back and die in the gutter. It's the only place for me! " " I will never let you go!" cried Jenny, passionately. "Look at those people, how they stare at you walking with the drunken beggar!" " These people," said Jenny, steadily, keeping her hold of him, "know but your one fault. I know you for the noble, generous, brave man you are, brother. Let us go away from here. I love you. We TOII make a heme for each other." She led him, weak as a child, to his hotel. And, in spite of all my remon­ strances, she left town with him next day. I could not overcome the feeling of disappointment end of outraged pride. It was worse than foolish--it was wicked. Nevertheless, 1 left them, secured a po­ sition as clerk, and worked my .- own way. I acted, in short, like an ungrate­ ful coward. When I found Jenny persisted in re­ maining with him, I caased even to write to her. The work sh? began that day she never gave up. She did make 'a! ""Vr "'T'TTT 'lU!U5K home for him, the first he ever had ! on ^ andJ W18hed de*tr°y that lf known ; made it cheeriul and happy. AGRICULTURAL HOKD CROPS.--Farmers frequently stop the cultivation of hoed crops too soon and allow the weeds to gain pos­ session of the soil. Cultivate early and often should be the rule for corn. KEEPING GRAPES.--A lady has dis­ covered that grapes packed in granulated sugar will keep fresh longer than when packed in sawdust, and, as the sugar is not injured, expense will not prove an objection. ONIONS.--An old gardener says in the Detroit Tribune, with regard to culti­ vating onions, that if care is taken to draw away the earth gradually from the bulbs until they are quite uncovered, and only the fibrous roots are in the earth, yon will never have scullions, but very large, souud onions. GRAPES VINES.--Trellises for vines can be made or repaired cheaper and more conveniently now than in spring. Lo­ cust is the most durable wood; red ches- nut and cliesnut rank next. Where lo­ cust is scarce pieces three feet long may be sunk two and a half feet in the ground aud uprights of pine or other timber nailed to them. SALT TOR LAND.--Salt should hot be applit d to such lands as border on the sea or are in any way affected by the spray of the ocean. Coarse salt should be mixed with the compost heap and not applied direetly to the plants. As­ paragus, naturally a native of the sea­ shore, will require large quantities of salt. This should only be applied, how­ ever, when the shoots are growing. At any other time it will injure the rootjs. Used on the beds about the end of May it will help to kill weeds and grasses. STRAWBERRIES IN THE CITY.--The fol­ lowing novel suggestion is from the fruit Recorder, aud is one that might be carried out with little trouble and ex­ pense: "How many of our city readers might have fresh, fragrant strawberries and other dainties, with but little care or trouble! But, say some, 'the rain water would be filled with dirt.' No, not if properly grown--that is, by setting the pots or boxes helding the plants in pans or boxes that are water tight. Fifty plants of strawberries would give a fam­ ily of four to five persons a nice dish daily for two weeks. Fifty pots of an­ nuals like petunias, balsams, etc., would make a show that would be beautiful and well repay all trouble. Try it, readers." ORCHARD NOTES.--It is commonly the case that the orchard is cropped year after year until the diminished yield shows that something must be done. The proper way is to give a moderate manur­ ing annually; stable manure put on in the fall and plowed in, or in small or­ chards forked in, may be alternated with ashes or lime on other years. Clover to be pastured by hogs, and afterward plowed under, is one of the best fertiliz­ ers. Trees of forced growth are more tender than others and so suffer more from sudden changes of climate. For this reason too high cultivation is as bad as not enough. Heading back and root pruning are the best methods of restor­ ing barren trees. Wood ashes is the best fertilizer for trees, vines and bushes. Prune apple-trees so as to give them a low, well-balanced top. One such tree is worth several tall, irregular trees. Peach orchards should have a dry, fertile soil on a Northern or Western slope. LATE EVERGREEN CORN.--A trust­ worthy writer in the Rural New Yorker plants liis evergreen sweet corn in the following way: The soil is sandy gravel, naturally warm, and of moderate fertil­ ity; in fact, not rich enough to produce satisfactory crops without manure, whioh I did not have in sufficient supply to feel sure of a full crop. Consequently I pur­ chased a little superphosphate to give the corn the benefit of its effects (if any) in its earliest growth. As the crop of field corn was planted, having a little manure yet in the cattle yard, we scraped together what we could and spread it on the plot to be planted to sweet corn for green fodder. The piece had wheat grown on it the year before, the ground having been plowed in the fall and re- plowed in the spring before applying the yard manure, also after the manure was applied. The reason why I plowed so many times was that a part of the piece had an abundance of quack grass She dealt with his failing as a diwaawA; watched over him night and day ; when i lie struggles with his tempter grew too hard for him, gave him medicine ; prayed for him, clung to him, never lost pa­ tience nor hope, and Bhowed him that she had not lost them. My motive in telling this story is to show that the drunkard may sometimes lie cured by unfailing love and practical common-sense. She did cure him. He lived for many years, and died in her arms at last. She had, it is true, good material to work upon. But there is almost always good material in the drunkard. His ailment is a physical as well as moral disease, and should be combated by physical as well as moral means. When I attained full manhood, I rec­ ognized the meanness and cruelty of my liosition toward them. I went to my brother and humbly begged liis pardon. He forgave me, but I have never forgiv­ en myself. The remembrance of this one chance which I lost to show myself a man humbles me with regret and morti­ fication.-- Youth's Companion. At1 Electric Fire Tell-Tale. There are several devices for enabling the rise of temperature accompanying an outbreak of fire at a particular place in a building to ring an alarm-l)ell by means of an electric current. There is the mercurial thermometer, in which the mercury column, on expanding by the increased temperature, makes contact between two platinum electrodes fused into the tul>e, and completes the circnit; and fliere is an arrangement in which the bimetallic spring, fixed at one end, is free to curve under the unequal ex­ pansion of the two metals, aud close a circuit in that way. ' A still simpler plan has been recently contrived by M. G. Dupre, in which the contents of the automatic bevs are kept apart by a piece of suet or tallow, which on melting by the heat allows them to come together l>ossible. Everything was now ready to plant corn on tins 2otli of May, the plot having been harrowed and marked. We then put about a tablespoonful of the superphosphate at each crossing of the marks, covering it slightly with mellow soil and planted the corn on the places thus prepared. PROFIT AND LOSS WITH POULTRY. A sensible writer says that the direct profit or loss with stock of any kind whatever comes from the feeding resorted to. If proper food has been given, at regular intervals, iu sufficient quantity, profit is the natural result, while haphazard man­ agement results disastrously. In the feeding aud management of poultry there is more lax discipline than with any other kind of stock. There is far too much corn, in different forms, fed to breeding poultry, and to layers to se­ cure the best results, for corn has a great tendency to produce fat, which is not desirable where plenty of eggs are ex­ pected, the fat forming so thickly on and around the ovaries and other organs as to effectually prevent the fowls from lay­ ing. In cold weather, warmth and heat are necessary, and feeding corn moder­ ately to the laying hens is not so ob­ jectionable as it is during the warm summer months, while over fat fowls aro moae liable to disease and ailments than those only in good condition. For the laying fowls no better food can be given for a principal diet than good, sound, whole wheat, though itanust not be given iu the same quantities as corn. Screen­ ings are not all objectionable, provided they are not musty or spoiled, though attacked the Sparrow; but the lat­ ter, being covered on every side and presenting only his large l>eak, at the entrance of the nest, was invul­ nerable, and made the boldest of them that durst approach him repent of their temerity. After a quarter of an hour's combat all the martins disappeared. The sparrow thonght he had got the better, and the spectators judged that the martins had abandoned their under­ taking. Not in the least. They imme­ diately returned to the charge ; and, each of them having obtained a little of that tempered earth with which they make their nests, they all at once fell upon the sparrow and inclosed him in the nest to perish there, though they could not drive him thence." -i* SCRAPS OF SCIENCE. HOUSEKEEPERS HELPS. APRICOT SAUCE.--Put half a ]x>t of apricot jam in a saucepan with half a pint of water and a glass of sherry; boil, strain and serve. IRON MOULD.--To remove iron mould from linen, wash the spots in a strong solution of cream of tartar and water; repeat if necessary, and dry in the sun. FRIED SMELTS.--Let them be carefully floured, and fry them in plenty of hot lard. When done drain them well/ in front of the fire, sprinkle them all-over with very fine salt, and serve with fried parsley and lemon cut into "quarters." COFFEE CAKE.--This is one of the best of plain cakes and is very easily made. Take one cup of strong coffee infusion, one cup molasses, one cup Sfeugar, one- half cup butter, one egg and one tea- spoonful salaratus. Add spice and rais­ ins to suit the taste and enough fiour to make a reasonable thick batter. Bake rather slowly in tin pans lined with but­ tered paper. SIR WATKIN WYNN'S PUDDING.--Six - GO^CWRNINO the cause of London fogs, it is now suggested that they are largely due to the burning of sulphur, 200 tons of this substance being daily burned in London. IT has been found necessary to begin the formation of a new entrance to the Monnt Cenis Tunnel oh the French side. The former entrance showed dangerous signs of sinking. M. BOUCHBT has found that the juice of the fig tree contains a powerful fer­ ment, capable.of digesting albuminoid matters as they are digested by the juices of the stomach. THE inquiries of Professor Cohn, of Breslau, indicate that short-sightedness is larely or never born with those sub­ ject to it, and that it is almost always the result of strains sustained by the eye duriag study iu early youth. THE force exerted by the discharge of heavy guns is something tremendous. In some experiments at Woolwich it was estimated that the pressure upon the base of the gun at the moment of the explosion was more than sixty tons per square inch. M. DOHBX is stated to have introduced the telephone in connection with his sci­ entific: explorations of the bed of the Bay of M aples. By this means the diver and the b#atmen overhead are able to com­ municate with each other as quickly and intelligently as can be wished. ANOTHER scare is to follow that in re­ gard to color blindness. Statistics have Ween published by a learned Heidelberg professor to prove that engineers on railways are peculiarly subject to affec­ tions of the ail-, which might compro­ mise the safety of passengers. IT is asserted that if a person, exposes himself to the electric light for some time in a close inspection of the same, ounces chopped lemon peel, four ounces his hands and cheeks will show--if he be beef suit chopped fine, four ounces wnite of fair complexion--all the simptoms of bread crumbs, one tablespoonful of | "sunburn," even in midwinter, and he flour, three ounces of moist sugar, two j will develop freckles on his c»untenance ounces of apricot jam, a small liquor j as quickly as when he goes about unpro- glass of marachino or of curacoa, one J tected by a sun hmbrella in inidsum- desert spoonful of milk and three fresh mer, eggs. Mix all together, pour into a but­ tered shape and steam three hours. Apricot jam sauce to be served under the pudding. SAVE THE PICTURES.--Picture scraps may often be used with capital effect. Small Booms, and nurseries especially, papered with them and afterward var- A HUNGARIAN chemist has shown some surprising experiments in Paris with a new light giving substance which burns with so little heat that its flames will not set fire to a handkerchief, carpet or other fabric with which it may come in con­ tact. A person may hold the burning liquid in his hand without injury. , This over that same height; in 1880 the num­ bers were 398 and 602 respectively. Surely these facte show a decided im­ provement in the physical strength of our soldiers, and afford a positive denial to all the wild statements which are so commonly bandied about as to the inferi­ ority of the recruits who now enlist un­ der the short-service system, compared with those we used to obtain .formerly.-- Sir Oa; net Wolsely, in Nineteenth Cent- prow PPKrr nislxed afford great entertainment.« Cor- j new illuminating fluid is prepared from nices may be made of tkem to run all petroleum. around the wall papfer, with about two inches of gold foil between each and a black bordering. Wooden fireboards add Holland mats may also be covered with them. These must, of course be varnished. ROAST SIRLOIN OF BEEF.--Cut off most of the flap and trim the joint neatly. Have a clear, brisk fire, well built up. Place the joint close to it for the first half hour, then move it further off. Baste frequently. When nearly done sprinkle the joint well over with salt. Put a small quantity of Water in the dripping- pan, then pour off' the gravy, free it el- fectually from fat and pour it over the joint in the dish. Time of roasting, about three hours for a ten to twelve pound sirloin. Garnish .with scraped horseradish and Yorkshire pudding. Serve horseradish sauce in a tureen. IN an essay upon the nutritive value of fish, Professor At water gives this ta­ ble: Taking medium beef at 100, we have, as the food value of like weights of fish iree from bone; medium beef, 100; fresh milk, 23.8; skimmed milk, 18.5; butter, 121; cheese, 155; hen's egga, 72; codfish, fresh, 68; flounders, 65; halibut, 88; striped bass, 79; mackerel, 86; lake trout, 51; eels, 95; shad, 99; salmon, 1(1-1; salt mackeral, 111; dried codfish, 34.6. CONCERNING "applied science," Prof. Huxley remarks: "I often wish that this phrase had never been invented, for it suggests that there is a sort of scientific knowledge of direet practical use which can be studied apart £rom another sort of scientific knowledge which is often of no practical utility, and which is termed ,'pnre science.' But there is no more ROAST WILD DUCK.--Boast at a very j complete fallacy than this. What people brisk fire not longer than fifteen, or at most twenty minutes. Baste frequently with butter, and sprinkle freely with salt at the time of serving. Serve with Bigarade Sauce. Pare off, as thinly as possible, the yellow rind of two Seville oranges; cut it H|to very thin shreds and boil them in for five minutes. Melt a piece of butter in a saucepan add to it£a tablespoonful of flour and stir until it begins to color; add a gill of stock, pepper and salt to taste, the juice of the oranges and a good pinch of sugar; then put in the boiled rinds, stir the sauce until it boils and serve. STBWED CELERT.--Trim and cut to the same length a number of heads ef celery, split them in two lengthwise, tie them in bundles with thread, and parboil them for ten minutes in salted water. Drain thera, and arrange them in a saucepan over slices of bacon, with a bundle of sweet herbs, a couple of ouions, pepper, and salt to taste, and a blade of mace. Add enough stock just to cover the con­ tents and simmer gently till the celery is quite tender. Having removed the string, dispose the celery on a dish; take call applied science is nothing but the application of pure soience to particular classes of problems." PERFUMERS are aware of the curious fact that some of our sweetest and most delicately scented flowers are of no value for perfumery. For example, no process has yet been discovered by which the fragrance of sweet-brier and eglantine can be extracted and preserved, but a good imitation is produced by a com­ pound of neroli oil with alcoiiolic ex­ tracts of rose pomade and of orange flowers. Lily of the valley, which is likewise unavailable to the perfumer, is well imitated by a compound of vanilla, extract of tuberose, jasmine, and otto of almonds. Lilies are little used in per­ fumery, their odors being too powerful. WITH the single exception of Saturn, nothing in the heavens presents a greater attraction as an object of study than Jupiter aud its moons. There is a pecu­ liar fascination in watching the four little points moving iu rapid succession around the parent body, passing now as dark spots across its <disk, and then behind and eclipsed by it. A glimpse of the V A "Long-Felt Want." At last there is a demand for some­ thing new in the way of exclamations, ejaculations and expressions of sudden surprise, fear and astoaishment Just think of it. For six thousand years or longer men have been pegging away at the "great horn spoon," "thunder and lightniug" and "by gum!" And it is only duriug the last twelve months that any dissatisfaction was noticed. When the children of Israel arose in the morn­ ing and saw the ground covered with manna, they looked at each other and exclaimed: "For the land's sake!" "Did you ever!" "Well, what next!" just as people of this age would do and say The expression: "Oh! dry up!" is over four thousand years old, and a progren sive au4 enlightened race should scorn to use it. "Jewhittaker!" which is a" popular swear-word in the agricultural regions, was perhaps in use in the land of Nod when Cain first reached there. Customs, manners, language, tools, cropd, buildings and aU else have changed, and yet when an American plow strikes a root the American, farmer at the handles scarcely has time to come down on the broad of his back before yelling out his favorite expression. "Jewhit­ taker!" is not the name of man, animal, river or country. By substituting "Texarkana," "Two-Shilling Tea" or "Three for a Quarter" we should not only have something fresh and new, but something that has a meaning. When Nero become ruler of Rome he was waited on by a deputation of leading citizen and asked to deal softly with them. His reply was: "You shall see to read your prayers at midnight without the aid of lamps, and don't you forget it!" And ever since Nero's time we have been telling Tom, Dick and Harry not *to forget it, aud not one move has been made to substantiate the expression. The words born before the walls of Rome hundreds of years ago are echoed in every American city to-day. The expres­ sion "By George!" is a favorite one with clerks. It can be used to express either disgust or pleasure, and is always handy when the knee attempts to rub the head off a tenpenny nail. The "by Georges!" are to be found OH every street and square, and yet they are making use of a swear word coined in England before this country was dreamed of. We have all the material for a new expression. Why not say "by Davis!" oy "by Conk- ling!" or "by Blaine!" or "by Beeclier!" or "by" any of the other Americans who are daily noticed and daily talked about? Not twenty-four hours ago a man looked into a Detroit saloon and yelled to the bar-tender: "See any moss on my back?" He might have believed it something new, but the fact is the ex­ pression originated ia Russia six kuudred years ago. How easy itr would be for some one to say: "Do you take me for a strawstack?" or "Do I look like a last year's mince pie?" but they go right on with the same old guys and gags as if our people were plowing with sharp sticks and pounding their corn in mortars. But, as we said at the start, a demand has arisen for a new class of swear' words and expressions. This demand will broaden and deepen; and the need of something new will be so fully realized that within ten years of this date no man who strikes an old hat with a stone under it and yells, "By Jingo!" ^ill be looked upon as a native-born American.-- Detroit Free Press. Neuralgia, Somtica, Lumbago, Backache, Soreness of the Chest, Gout, Quinsy, Sore Throat, Smell, ings and Sprains, Burns anif* " • Scalds, General Bodily Pains, Tooth, Ear and Headache* Frottnl Feet mud £«rsf ami all othep' Paim **mf Mek®s. Ho Preparation on «arth aa a M/«, a exmlls ST. JACOM ON - siniple SM cheap Kztmaf iMioedy. A trial entails bat th® comparative!* II7Z7 ** wuvcmw vui ui« cumpajiuTtl* trifling outlay of 60 Ctattts, and every one suffering with pain can liara cheap and poaiAva proof of ita clatma. Directions in Hares I^wngnagM. BOLD BY ALL DBUG<HST8 AND DEALEM W MEDICINE. A, VOGELER & CO., •Baltimore, JWd., XT.B.Am ONE POUND OF TEA I F Special clTer fa REE from 1 x t'> 25 < j house, in* I olTer t-o introduce our choice, pure Tees at :tO centn per parties iviiiiitinjr $3 for Six Pouuns, Will KEOKIVK UNR TOl'ND FH1SE. Bursa ins in jm-en coffees, 1*2^, - - , . 1 #,ts. per pound, worth byt] lis and all Ckica.^-0 j>apers some of the stock in which it has been j moou8 mVy be had even through a good stewed, remove all fat from it, add a small piece of fresh butter, pour it over the celery and serve. The Art of Feln ̂a Bore. "The other night at the opera ball I met one of our comediennes, who is gen­ erally recognized as among the most, amiable in her profession, and especially fond of gavety. "'Well, you have plenty of fun,' I observed. " 'Oh, so, so ! the men, and especially the young meu, are such bores.' "In a single word the fair speaker had unconsciously delined the constitutional malady of this French people, which passes for the wittiest nation in the world, and is so in fact; but which occa­ sionally expends a vast amount of wit for the purpose o< appearing to l>e witless. " I may seem to l>e uttering a paradox, a ludicrous contradiction, but the fact I speak of is simply the exaggerated result of our instinctive horror of all that is cold, sad and serious. " Ho great is our horror of ennui that we defy it, for the same reason that sav­ ages worship what they most fear. This is why, in this insolent, skeptical, mock­ ing, laugliiug France of ours it has be­ come a profession to be a bore. "Not a vulgar profession, but an ex­ cellent and incomparable one, without the price at which they are usually soid j risk or peril, which opens all doors aud is a safe conduct to all aspirations. through the operation of a small weight I had spokon to them all of my broth- I at<ac^ed to the uppermost contact bar, '. Had described his HXCPIWIPAS ANA The tallows is not of course placed im % , . described his excellences, and ma nobleness of character. When I told them he was coming, they all desired an introduction. "I expect him," I said to my most inlunate friend, "in the noon train. I suppose the President and faculty will drag him oft to the platform as soon as lis arrives." How happy and proud I was! Jenny's cheeks, too, were flushed and her-eyes ahone with a brilliant light, buiihe we very quiet. The noon-train came however, and he was not there. The college hall was crowded in the afternoon, even the campus was dotted with gay groups to hear the addresses of the graduating class. . But still no Oapt. Douglas. My heart beat high with anxiety. I glanced along the row of dignitaries. How they would shrink into insignifi­ cance before my brother's splendid fig- placed im­ mediately between the contacts, for in that case the fat would act as an in­ sulator, and prevent the flow of the cur­ rent. The apparatus is readjusted after an alarm by charging it with fresh tal­ low. Arming His Adversary. James Brown was at a social danee gpven by Yellow Jaoket Hose Company in the old Capitol saloon building, got drunk, and became noisy. Town Mar­ shal Kennedy told him to keep still, or he would arrest him. Brown said: "If I was heeled you couldn't take me." Kennedy pulled his pistol out of his pocket and handed it to Brown, saying: "Now you're heeled, what are you going to do? You are afraid to shoot." Brown had scarcely taken the pistol in his hands befere he fired, mortally wound­ ing Kennedy.-- Virginia' (Nev.) Chron- makes them more expensive than good wheat, for the simple reason that scarcely one-half the screenings is wheat or will be consumed by the poultry, the greater part being cheat, cockle, weed seeds, etc. For the fattening of poultry corn is the very best and cheapest food which can l>e given to accomplish it. To se­ cure the greatest profit from the poultry it is economy in the end to keep the birds growing rapidly from the start, and a couple of weeks befoie they are to l>e marketed have them penned up and fed principally on soft food, suoh as scalded corn meal, well boiled mush, oat meal mush (if the meal can be gotten cheaply), etc., feeding twice a day at first, and toward the last three times, only what they will eat up with an appe­ tite, and confining the birds in a dark­ ened room, giving them light only at feeding time. Ornithological Justice. A most remarkable instance of a sparrow perpetrating a shameful theft, and its punishment, has been recorded by Father. Bougeant-^-tlie advocate for the existence of language among ani­ mals--as having taken place on the banks of the Leven, in Fifeshire. " A sparrow finding a nest that a martin had just built possessed himself of it. The martin, seeing the usurper in her house, called for help to expel him. A thou­ sand martins came full speed, and "Nevertheless, it must not be sup­ posed that one can snccoed the first time, or in one day ia becoming a perfect bore. One is not l>orn such under this sun of ours. One can ortly become so, just as one becomes an orator, after iong and continued violence done to his own na­ ture. Even with the true vocation and especial natural aptitude, ene must pa- tiontlv practice for years. " For it will not suffice to be simply a bore; one must also be serious, very se­ rious. "A certain apprentice in diplomacy who was not greatly worried by his ex­ cess of brain-power once asked M. de Talleyrand for advice how to succeed iu his career. " 4 First of all,' replied Prince Bene- vent, * never laugh !' " 4 Thanks, Monseigneur--and then'-- " 'And secondly--never laugh !' " There is no use denying it, tho whole secret lies in that. Fancy the influence a man mast have who never laughs!"-- Le Voltaire. Wmtr is the world? A dream within a dream; as we grow older each step i an inward awakening. The yontL awakes, as he thinks from childhood; a full-grown man despises the pursuits of youth as visionary; the old man looks on manhood as a feverish dream. Is death the last sleep? opera-glass, and in an exceptionally clear atmosphere. At a considerable elevation above the sea, they have been seen by the unaided eye. The large red spot may be seen with a five-inch telescope. The size of this spot varies somewhat in length, but is quite constant in breadth. Its average length is about 23,000 miles, by a breadth, in the widest portion, of 6,900 miles--equal'iu area to about three- quarters of the entire surface of the earth. -* It Hardly Pays. A New Jersey merchant met an ac­ quaintance on the railroad, and the latter said: " I saw a newspaper notice that you had failed." " Yes, I went by the board." " Outside speculation, I suppose?" " Partly." " Creditors willing to give you a chance to recover?" "Yes." " Glad of it. Suppose you'll soon be all right ? " "Yes. I tell you it is very disagree­ able business. I had to plead family ex­ travagance, and my wife, who hadn't had a new, dress for six months, was as mad as a hop. I proved that I had given too much to the church, and the minister raked me over the coals. I had a clerk abscond with a lot of cash, and the cred­ itors made me own up that he was my brother. I supposed that I had lost 8500 by a fire, but they showed that I was $100 ahead. I figured on having enough to pay 30 cents on the dollar, but somehow they got hold of enough to pay 98, and put all the costs on me. I lost four weeks of trade on top of this, and I'm feeling awfully blue. It hardly pays to fail--unless you've got a partner to help bluff creditors." Eaylish Infantry. The standard of height for the infan­ try cf the lino is now five feet six inches, and for chest measurement it is thirty- four inehos ; no recruit is accepted who does not fulfill these requirements, which are in excess of those in all, and are mat h higher than those in most Continental armies. Some, indeed, are in favor of lowering these standards, because in consequence of them we are forced to reject so many recruits whose chest - measurement is only thirty-three inches but whom, in every other respect, it would bo desirable to enlist. Without in any way going back to the very low standards to which we have often had to resort in the days of long service, we could at any moment increase the num­ ber of our recruits very cousiderably by reducing our standard to that of Ger­ many or of France. In 1873 there were in ^eVery 1,000 men in the army 41i$ under five feyt ecyeu inches, and 588 P AGENTS WANTED FOR THE IGTORIAL HISTORYWTHEWAR Thin is tho chrtnpep' and otilv corap'eto an-1 reliable history of the Gre it Civil War l>uhl(«h<iri ; it abonnds in narrativesi>f personal adventure, t'ir.liLnu incidents, ilur- in* exploit*. Heroic deeds, wonderful cecities, etc.; and contains lifelike portraits of lOl) lending Generals. Send for specimen pnRes~!ind extrateims to Agents. Ad- dreaa NATIONAL PUBLISHING CO., Ubicago, m. 5=* WEBOIt'S COKPOUSD OF PUEE COB LIVES OIL AHS LIME, To Olio anil AII.-Ar«yon sufloriiif? from a Gouieh, Asthma, Bronchitis, or any of th'i various pulinonAiy tmnbUsM tlint no nitcn In CoBsumartrnn t it SO, uao " Wi'b tr's !*ur* Cud-ticrr Oil and Lime, a eaf© and sure renw;«ly. This is no qu-tck preparation, but is gret»crib'*d by iJ:e lacmlty. Manufactured only y A. B.Wn.i.* >k, 1 /iminii-t, Boston. Sold by all druggist*. Life of the Czar of Rnssla. The following brief sketch of the Czar's life is taken from Chambers' Encyclo­ pedia: Alexander II., Emperor of Russia, was born April 29, 1818. He was carefully educated by his father, Nicholas, who professed himself delighted with the manifeseations of true Roman spirit in his son. At sixteen he was declared of age, and made Commandant of the Lancers of the Guard Hetman of the Cos­ sacks, First Aid-de-Camp of the Em­ peror, and subject daily to a life of ma­ neuvering, reviewing and military parade, which at last seriously injured his health. He then traveled through Germany to recruit his energies, and while there con­ cluded a marriage with the Princess Maria, daughter of the Grand Duke of Darmstadt in 1841. He now vigorously applied himself to his studies as Chan­ cellor of the University of Finland. By his dexterous and subtle manners he insinuated himself into the affections of the Finns, and weakened their love of independence. He founded a chair of the Finnish language aud literature, patronized the Aoademy for the culture of Finnish literature, and defrayed the expenses of numerous remote expedi­ tions undertaken by the savants, such as Cygnoeus, Wallin aud Castren. In 1850 he visited Southern Russia, Nickolaieff, Sebastopol, Tiflis, Erivon, Ac. It i8 said he witnessed with regret the atti­ tude which his father assumed toward Europe, and that he altogether disap­ proved of the Crimean War. On his accession to the throne, March 2, 1855, he found himself in a critical position. He had two parties to conciliate at home--tiie old Muscovite party, blindly zealous for war, and the more peacea­ ble and intelligent portion of the Nation, who possessed his personal sympathies. He pursued a course calculated to en­ courage both; spoke of adhering to the policy of his illustrious ancestors, aud at the same time concluded peace. Since then he has shown a strong desire to purge the internal administration of its impurities. He has sharply rebuked the conniption of functionaries, and severely punished some as a warning to the rest. An honorable recognition has been given to public instruction, which he has freed I from military influence where that ab­ surdity existed, as in the law schools of St. Petersburg, and has placed it under his own direct and personal superintend­ ence. His moderation has even stimu­ lated the hopes of the Poles. By a ukase of May 27, 1856, he has granted to all Polish exiles who are willing to express repentance for the past, permission to return home; but, though desirous of preserving the nationality of Poland, he will not separate it from the Great Rus- sian Family. The grand achievement of his reign, however, as yet is the emanci­ pation of the Russian serfs in 18fil, and of tho Polish serfs in 1867. An attempt was made to assassinate him at Paris, June 6, 1867, when on a visit to Napo­ leon III. "Torr must not play with that little girl, my dear," said an injudicious pa­ rent. "But, ma, I like her; 6he is a good little girl, and I am sure she dresses as pretty as ever I do, and she has lots of toys." "I can not help that, my dear," replied the foolish mother; "her father is a shoemaker." "But I don't play with hor father, I play with her; she ain't a shoemaker." If you area maul of business,weak-' cned by the strain of your duties avoid stimulants an d use Hop Bitters. If yem are younpr and I discretion or dfsnipa I ried or single, old orl poor hearth or languish I ness, rely on H o p | Whoever you are. whenever you feel that your system needs cleansing, ton- i fug' or stimulating, j without intoxicating, \ t a k e H O D Bitters. Have yon dy»- pepsia, ktdn " or urinary coi plaint, dlsesi of the sfomacft, botrels, blood« liver ornervea 9 You wi11 be cured if yaumse Hop Bitters If you are sim­ ply weak nod low spirited, try lti it mill ?ave your i f e . It has saved hun­ dreds. rH you are ®, man o::' lot' fcera toiling; over; niffht work, to res­ tore brain nerve aud I waste, ut» Mop B. I suffering from any In- I tion j if you aro mar­ ly ouug, Buffering from ling on ft bod of ilck- 1 Bitters. Thousands die a>- nually from tone f o r m o f K i d n e y disease that nuKht havu brea prevented I by a timely use of HspBlttcrs o. u o. la an absolute and lrrealsta- bto c u r e for drumkenne s s, use of opium, t o b a o o o , o r narcotics. BoldbydrtiK- (rfcta. Senator Circular. 88F Ifflim 18*1*6 CO., Bockwtrr, H. T. & Torooto, On I, HICAGO PITTS! F o r t y e e a e o n « f t h e o l d r e l i a b l e ' T M e a c * Pitts" Separators, the only fiist-class Apron Machine now in the market adapted for larg-0 or merfi'.ciJy. " Chicago ... M®Biat©a HoraePowers are the Imit i BLACK HAWK If yon want a Vibrator, bny our Black Hawk. Why? Became It is the latest improved machine ..By r XKSUHUBW it m HJJW mwctjv uiii.n.'O'vtru lb the market, having alt of the merits and none of tfts defects of vibrators. Agitators, Oaoaliators. et£, ltow 111 use. Ligtiter draft and trinrn durable, its motion is reciprocal, consequently will not wialte to pieces. Thorote/fhltf te.ateH. Beats tbeni all .in Flax and other kinds of grain. It Is nmpUcuy itself. Turns In its own length. h. a. pgrrr sons isfq® 00. ? andO S. JsffsrsowSt. CHIC AGO. ILL- The Best Field t- pon. EMIGRANTS. AN IMMENSE AREA ISF RAIMtOAI* AND GOVERNMENT I,AMISS, OF «KKAT FERTILITY, W1THIK KAHY RKAt'H OF PERMANENT MARKET, At KXTRIi.WK- Mr I,OW PRICES. 8s »o«r •«••«>* for ««i* BA8TXERN OREGON and H.MJTERN WASH. 1MGTON TERRITORY. mi i.mla fnrin nft of tho srosA GRAIN Rfel^of thS Paetnc Hlope, and are within of 860 to 300 uitoa &£$M63BP***;,:1: GRAIN AT PORTLAND, OREGON, COM. HANDS A PRICE EQPAX. TO THAT OB. TtraKP IN CHICAGO. Th« early eompletion of th* l+rth&rn Pa- B. H. <• now and guarantee® to 0OUUT0 eheap and quick transportation jmf mood markets both Bant etnd ITest, Thm openttf of thi* new overland line to the Pa- JSu, together wtth the tonstmietion of th« ttefeork of lOO miles of railroad % th* <h R. & If, Co. in the valleyt of the great Columbia mttd ita principal tributaries, rendm ® certain m rapid increase in the value of the lands now open to purchase and pre-emption. Therm is every indication of an enormous movement of population to the Columbia tMmer region in th« immediate future. LAJVPS SHOW an AVERAGE YIELD of 40 BUSHELS OF WHEAT PES. ACRE. Ns Failure of f'Yops ever kaowa. AP LAN DS offered at tho utfom nuo of W.SU m» Acre. CLIMATE MILD AND HEALTHY. Eor pamphlet Md naps, doooiiptlTe of oonatry. Ita reooarcea, ellmato. route of tnwslt ratos a ad fall information, addna A. I» STOKES, '•*» 8n'l Eastern Paaa*r AfMt, M Clark fit., Okies**, UL