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t ^ *<> inpiw^.1 mjpw '? ^(PRNRG PAIUDCALFC J. VAN SLYKC. Editor and Publisher. IcHENRY, ILLINOIS. A 8*. I*otns man deferred his suicide until he eould have some mourning paper exquisitely printed with his mono­ gram, so that he conld write his fare­ well lettera in good style*. A BALTIMOKK Alderman has advertised :or his lost pocketbook, which contained, he confesses, passes over all the rail­ roads running through the city, over ev­ ery steamship line having a terminus there, and to every place of amusement JTHXIB TBAVBBS, of the Iowa Supreme Court, decides that railroad companies are liable for injuries to animals run over on Sunday, no matter how carefully the trains are operated, because the run­ ning of trains at all on Sunday is un­ lawful. Tax largest land transaction ever made in Texas has just been closed by a real, estate firm at Denison, who have sold 187,000 acres of railroad, school, and patent lands in ti e Pan-handle of the State to Eastern capitalists, who will iocate immigrants on them in oolonie®. JUDGING from the Russian dispatches, that empire is thoroughly saturated with the spirit of revolution. "Whenever the army and. the police "catch on," the empire will be sunk in a deluge of blood. From the exiled Grand Duke to the scullion in the imperial kitchen, n the navy and in the colleges, Nihilism as taken deep'root. THE Southern States are at last awake ;o the desirability of attracting to their rich soil a fair share of- the hordes of mmigrants pouring into the United States. An immigration agent, rdpre- enting Texas, Arkansas and Louisiana, will soon sail for Europe, to es­ tablish bureaus in seven of the larger cities. Tbe Germans who were dis­ patched from Castle Garden to South Carolina report themselves highly please! ith their new home. A GALVESTON (Texas) newspaper says ihat Mr. Jay Gould and his party ate resh eggs at a farm-house on the line of railroad which they were inspecting in hat State. The thrifty farmer wanted B50 a ozen for his eggs, and when Rir. Gould remarked that eggs must >e scarce in that region, the host eplied: " There's plenty of eggs here; ut fellas like you, that can afford to ay such prices, is Boarce. That's why *ggs is worth $50 a dozen on this joyous occasion." JOHXG. WHrrriEBhaving been credited ith securing Dr. Loring's appointment s Commissioner of Agriculture, he has written tp the Boston Journal, approv- g the appointment, but denying re­ sponsibility. He adds: "Ihave had no MjHiHl1" 01' luxation to solicit the ad- inistration in the matter of distribution, with the single exception of joining with y friends Longfellow, Holmes, Howells, Aldrich, Dr. Holland, and other 'literary ellowa,' in behalf of one of our craft for consulate." was done, carefully and fairly, in the presence of an invited company. The loser accepting her luck uncomplain­ ingly, and is to fee first birdesmaid at the wedding. A somewhat similar case had a different termination at Bowerton, Mich. The girls in this instance were sisters, and they were willing to divide the lover between them. carry out that idea they have started for Utah, where they will practice poly­ gamy ; but the harmonious sisters have exacted a solemn vow from the mau never to have more than two wives. TIE BfBfiK. MB. BUBCHABD, Director of the Mint, has prepared the following statement, showing the gold coinage, by periods, of countries named, and estimated gold cir­ culation according to latest returns. It will be seen that the estimated amount of gold circulation in the United States is $520,000,000. Of this $91,000,000 is bullion. The Government is about to coin this, and Mr. Burchard thinks that it should be coined into piece* of small denomination, in order that it may go among (he people, and be less Kkely to be exported when there is a foreign de­ mand. The statistics of other countries show that they have coined the most in the smaller denominations: Country. Girmatiy....... JiiiRlatxi....... France......... 8p«in .... , Portugal....... Kussla United State.. Mexico......... Australia....... JQOLO COINAOH. Period. 1873-1879 .........1861-187# 1803-1880 -1861-lfTO ...1855-1879 ........ 878 .........1Bod-1880 1875-1879 ........1855-1879 Pitt.let of $5 and not over #10. 9,367,080 4,018^396 40,884,385 65,495 42,822,1*6 )8,u7i» 296,760,00J IHtettoJ « $10 and tM over $20. Germany England France 9,897,580 Spain Portugal 464,432 Kimiu. •United Stated.. .44,293,020 •M«xic,o 274,600 Australia 'Piece* of $20 or over--United States, 919,754,480; Mtrxlco, 3,35W,840. HOLD CIRCULATION, Estimated Treasury Actual gold gu'tlcircu- and bavk circulation latv.n ('-'.in iwi-ts (not in Country, and bullion). (gold). reserve). Qtrmanv $»V01VS00 $134,u00,«#0 $202,000,000 Kugiami 50;,0n.',mH) ie9,0!M),OfK> 428,0U0,0.H) Fiance C27,«W),O.H) lll,0MyH>0 S1«,0J>,0K) Spain 130,0"(>,04 K) Note. 130,000,OUO Portugal «H,UH,U0» 9,000,000 S9,000,000 Kanna No retarn. 107,00!), 1)00 ITnitwI States. 264,000,000 266,000,00U Mexico lO.OOtylOO Australia..... Mo return. 61,COO,000 •May 0, 1881. Blrtavjr •* Ike Fwnstios of tike M- ' vine Work. v It may help to an understanding of the work involved in revising the ac­ cepted text of the New Testament, says the Philadelphia Times, to recall the circumstances under which this collec- ^ tion of sacred writings had its origin. In" order to i The history of the formation of what is technically known as the canon of the New Testament--that is, the collection of those writings that were accepted as cf divine authority and the separation from them of other writings, even con-C temporaneous, that were not accepted-- bears some points of resemblance to the long and gradual growth of the Old Testament canon. This, it will be re­ membered, was a process extending over centuries. After the return of the Jews from captivity, one of the first cares of Ezra and his asEociates was to collect, edit and transcribe, if not to translate, the Booka of Moses--called in Hebrew Tora, a landmark--known to us as the Pentateuch, or, from the Greek title afterward given them, "the Law." After that an effort was made to gather to­ gether the various prophetic books, "the writings of the sainte," and in the course of time there was gradually formed the second part of the canon, which is referred to in the New Testament as "the Prophets." Fi­ nally there were collected from the remaining body of Hebrew litera­ ture, both ancient and recent, a variety of sacred writings or " Hagiographa," some of them used in the Temple ser­ vice, some handed down by popular tradition, and some evidently compiled from various sources to complete the historic record. This group, which took its popular title from the leading divi­ sion, " the Psalms," was not closed un­ til long after the Law and the Prophets. These were the three separate collec­ tions JSO often referred to by the sacred writers. The dates of the different books thus gathered together cover a period of at least 1,000 years, and there is no doubt that they were originally i78 7fi(M'0J written in a great variety of dialects and characters. As finally transcribed ami edited, however, they formed the sacred cauon of the Jewish Church, in some­ what different order but substantially as we have them in our Bibles to-day. The whole of these sacred writings was Total. t 404,057,11* 448,486.000 1,743,^8^,040 145.380.105 5,83-',U01 178,760,000 1,047,753,9a 3,717,974 286,760,000 Piece* of te*» than $5. 404.057.106 448,486,000 l,7-24,0a3,3#3 145,380,105 the opportunities of • modern scholar­ ship to reach the exact meaning, if not the exact original text, of the apostolio writings; yet the result of the recent revision shows that, whatever verbal in­ accuracies may have been introduced by successive generations of copyists, tbe Christian church has preserved and transmitted the body of the New Testa­ ment Scriptures through all these centu­ ries with marvelous fidelity. » ^ , PITH AND POINTL Tkb miser's little joke-r-Don't ̂ ive it away. A SOFT answer--What will you have for breakfast ? Mush. _ THE hardest road to travel for a Rus­ sian Czar is the shell road. "WHAT a beautiful thing, my dear, is a rosy cheek." "Yes, husband, but how great the contrast when the bluBh settles on the ntifee !" " AKE you mate of this ship?" said a newly-arrived passenger to the cook. " No, sir ; I am the man that cooks the mate !' said the Hibernian. " MARIS ! what's that strange noire at the gate?" "Cats, sir.". "Cats! Well, when I was young cats didn't wear stove­ pipe hats aud smoke cigars." "Times are changed, sir." A CHURCH deacon at Tarry town, N. Y., snored so loudly that the sermon had to stop until he could be awakened. When aroused he jumped up and said; " I vote aye!" The ayes had it. " How is your wife, Mr. Smith?" Says Smith, pointing to where his wife sat in the next room at work upon his ooat. "She's sew-sew." Mrs. Jones. "Oh, I, see ; she is mending, sure enough !" Lons A. GODBY, of Godey's Lady'* Rook, left an estate inventoried at $221,854. As a distinguished French­ man said, " Let me publish the fashions of a nation, and I care not who loses money by publishing its classics." IT is well known that certain fowls fill their digestive apparatus with gravel and pebbles, which act as millstones to grind up their food. Human beings should act on this suggestion, and before dining at a Western restaurant swallow a sausage cutter.--Philadelphia News. " WHERE would we be without wom­ en ?" asks an Ottumwa man. It is hard translated into Greek, at Alexandria, by to determine just which way the majori- PARAGKAPHIC POINTS. THIS Salem (Mass.) Gazette is 113 years Id, and very sedate, but it tells the fol- oving story: "A Salem mother has a daughter who so closely resembles her hat the one is frequently taken for the jther. The other day the mother walked ip to her own reflection in a large mirror u« dry-goods store, and, pntting forth ier hand, said: 4 Why, Maria, when did rou conic home? I thought you were to itay at your uncle's a week?' A broad smile rippled round the store as the mys- ified lady touched the glass." A CBUEL blunder was made in an- icun^ing the verdict in a St. Louis nurder case. The foreman of the jury landed the clerk several slips of paper, gad the clerk read : " We find the pris­ oner not guilty, on the ground of in- lanity." The culprit's face lighted up tith delight, and he exultantly shook lauds with his counsel. "There's a his take," said the foreman to the clerk ; * you've read the wrong slip. The one tiat's signed is our verdict--guilty of hurder in the first degree." AH EXCHANGE says that the coming girl is to be more generally pretty than the kind we have heretofore had. IF WE could see others as we see our­ selves there would be more good-lookiug people in the world.--Buffalo Express. A LADY who has returned from Borne says the principal attractions are fleas, beggars, dirt, and the ill-smelling Tiber. WIDO .'.'S over fifty can not iharrv again in Portugal, but this doesn't trouble them any, for who ever knew a wdman to acknowledge being over forty ? e THREE Newport belles, now married, were once known in society as "Battle," "Murder," and "Sudden Death"--their names indicating their style of con­ quest. PAPER dinner plates are now in use. "By and by," says the Syracuse Herald, "they will priut the news of the day around the r^m and serve them fresh at every meal." THE English gulp down $50,000 worth of drinks per year, and are no better off than if they had used the money iu sending out missionaries.--Detroit Free Press. OF AI,IJ tilings that man possesses, women alone take pleasure in being pos­ sessed.--Malherbe. They do seem to take pleasure at times in being possessed, or acting as if they were. TEXANS now take their whisky from an . ox-horn fitted with a brass bottom and holding an even quart. They are handy to carry, can not l>e told fjom a powder- horn, and sure to kill at forty rods. ADVICE to girls: Bemember, also, that a pretty hand is one of woman's cliiefest charms. Never assist your mother in her household duties. It doesn't matter so much how her hand is sprawled out by hard work. She is out of the mar­ ket.--Boston Transcript. THE original of "Mary had a little l a m b " w a s w r i t t e n b y M r . J o h n R o u l - . . . , stone, of Boston, son of Colonel John j i11ftl^aTc^e_Pte.d o5_i'e3e'^.d. a^I Boulstoue, proprietor of a popular rid " " "" ~" order of Ptolemy Philadelphus, by sev­ enty-two learned men assembled for the purjiose, and this version of " the sev­ enty," or the Septuagint, was the ver­ sion Unit was familiar at the beginning of our era and that is commonly quoted in the New Testament The history of the New Testament does not extend over any such long period, but within its narrow* r limits the process was not dissimilar. The earliest of the Christian writings is sup­ posed to have been the first gener.il epistle of St. Peter, which was written some sixteen years after the formation of the Christian Church. After this St Paul -wrote his letter to the Galatians, those to the Thessalonians, and like messages to other churches that had been established through his preaching. Naturally these letters were highly prized, and no doubt they were handed about and copied, aud as the number of them increased the churches in different cities would take pains to secure copies for their own use. It was not until those who had been the personal com­ panions of our Lord on earth were growing old, and felt that it would be well to leave a permanent record of what they had seen and heard, that St. Matthew and St. Mark were moved to write the Gospel narratives that go by their names. St. Luke wrote his Gospel and his history of the Acts of the Apostles a little later, St. Paul having meanwhile added to the number of his epistles, and the several writings o( St. John, the last survivor of the Apostles, were written last of all, the date assigned to his Gospel being near the end of the first century of our era. There is no record of the manner iu which these various writings were cir­ culated, but that they were verjgj com­ monly circulated is evident in ~ many ways. St. Peter, for example, alludes to the epistles of St. Paul as thougli they were kuown to his readers, and St. John plainly wrote his Gospel as a sup­ plement to the others. In the writings of the early Fathers we begin to meet with refeiences to the Gospels and to the apostolic discourses, and by the middle of the third,century we hear at the New Testament as a collective body of sacred-writings to be named beside the Old. Still there was no authoritative action , like that by which the Great Synagogue ing school sixty years ago. "Manr," the owner of the lamb, is now Mis. Tyler, of Somerville, Mass. THE Philadelphia Times is constrained to give this information to an inquiring correspondent: "It is not customary iu this country for 'a young man, when in­ troduced to a young lady, and she ex­ tends lier hand, to kiss it.' The young lady would be very likely to respond by boxing the young man's ears." RUSSIAN ladies, it is said, always weai in winter time fur next to the skin, as iu consequence of the intense cold, no ordi­ nary meriuo or flannel is sufficient. Lynx is most frequently used, aud every Russian bride has oue or two DR. JAMES MOORE, of Ironton, Ohio, 1 , , ' . young JttUBsian oriae nas one or iwc jhinks he h-is discovered a specific for undergarments iu this fur, and then she imall-pox in lemon juice, which he used I jg considered set up in life. in his own case with such results as to make him say : " So strongly am I con­ vinced of the power of lemon juice to ibort any and every case of small-pox hat I look mpon it as a specific of as nuch certainty and power in small-pox & quinine is iu intermittent fever. I, iherefore, publish my experiment, hop- ng every phvsician having a case of imall-pox will give it a fair trial and re­ port the result to me." MA*. GBOBOE W. MURPHY, of Pitts­ burgh, wanted to commit suicide, but Hidu't like to make a fuss about it. He Vas a real-estate agent, and conducted \is own destruction on purely business iiinciples. He took a dose of strych- kite, And then, walking into the office of 4 fiend, said : " Benham, I have taken p-fcon and will die in a few minutes. I •wfit you to witness my will." He hand- ediis friend a document, but Mr. Ben- had thought it was a joke -and com- A Peculiar Affliction. Mr. Edwin Cowles, the editor of the Cleveland Leader, has a peculiar afflic­ tion. From boyhood he has been troubled with deafness somewhat of the nature of color blindness. He has never heard the sound of the birds, and until he grew to manhood he had always thought the music of birds was a poetic fiction. "You may fill the room with canary birds," says Mr. Cowles, "and they may all siug at once a-;d I never would hear a note, but I would hear the flutterings of their wings. I never heard the hiss­ ing sound of the human voice, conse­ quently, not knowing the existence of that sou:jd, I grew up to manhood with­ out ever making it in speech. A por­ tion of the consonants I never hear, yet I can hear all the vowels. About a quar­ ter of the sounds in the human voice I never hear, ii^id I have to watch the motioh of the lips and be governed by the sense of the remarks in order to un­ derstand what is said to me. 1 have walked by the side of a policeman going home at night, and seen him blow his whistle, and I never would hear it, al- ! though it could be heard by others half iu|iced to remonstrate. It was too late, ^ a mjie awaj\ I never heard the upper iilrever, when he found out the truth, ' notes of a piano, violin, or other musical ni before medical assistance arrived jjrpby was dead. tax admirer of two girls at Waupaca, OjL c -uld not choose between them, .af,neither was willing to relinquish her c|ms in favor of the other. They, t>fore, agreed to decide the question i toss of a coin, and the tossing instrument, although I would hear all tho lower notes." Mr. Cowles has con­ sulted some of the most eminent sur­ geons, physicians, and aurists in the coun­ try, and they are unanimous in declaring his peculiar affliction to he without a precedent. THE London Religious Tract Society has circulated 80,000,000 booka and tracts in 130 different languages the Hebrew canon. By a gradual and natural process extant Chr'stim writings became divided into two classes --the " homologoumenoi," which the universal tradition of all the churches accepted as authentic, and " antilegom- enoi,(* which were accepted by some or a majority, but not by all. Among the books which do not appear to have been at first universally accepted were the epistles .of St. James and St. Jude, the later epistles of St. Peter and St. John, the epistle to the Hebrews and the Apo­ calypse, while some of the churches re­ ceived as authoritative the epistles of Barnabas and Clement, the Shepherd of Hernias and some other books that were afterward discarded. The prominence given to the Christian writings in the persecution of Diocletian shows what im­ portance they had then assumed, and it was during this period, no doubt, that the greatest efforts were made for their preservation. Long before the first General Council of Nicaea, which formulated the Catholic creed of the Trinity, the Holy Gospels had been held in the utmost veneration, alike in private devotions and in the divine serv­ ice, but as to the apostolic writings the canon had not been finally determined even at that time, and it was not until the third council of Carthage, in the year 397---which was not one of the great councils--that the last of .the books of the New Testament as we now have it,, reduced to the generally-accepted writings of the Apostles themselves, was first set forth complete by what may be called official authority. This was the period of St. Jerome, one of the greatest Biblical scholars of that or any time, who, partly by original translation and partly by revision and comparison of the various partial translations already existing--for by this time por­ tions of the scriptures had been rendered into many tongues--made up that great Latin version of the whole Bible, the Vulgate, which became to the middle ages what the Septuagint has been to the Jews and the early Christians and which has been the basis of all the early translations into modern languages. The English divines of 1611, who relied mainly on the Septuagint for the interpretation of the Hebrew Scriptures, made use of such Greek texts of the New Testament as were accessible to them, but still they were helped greatly by the Vulgate. The considerable number of the early manuscript® that have since been brought to light have uooh e&tegdl ty would drift, but some men we know of would be out of debt and out of trouble, and a good many more out at the seat of their breeches. THAT jolly old sea-dog, the Secretary of the Navy, rushed into Congress one day with a demand for an appropriation for sinking artesian wells on ship-board. He explained that it was about time our navy was supplied with pure, freshwater at all times. He was removed by force. --San, Francisco Post. A QUAKER maiden of 60 accepted an offer from a Presbyterian elder, and, being remonstrated with by a delegation of friends appointed wait upon her for marrying out of the meeting, she re­ plied : •• Look hero ! I've been waiting just sixty years for the meeting to marry me ; and, if the meeting don't want me to marry out of it, why don't the meet­ ing bring along its young men?" The delegation departed in silence. " I CANNOT pay you this morning," said the customer to the milkman, "you'll have to chalk it down." "Chalk it* down?" stammered the milkman. "Yes, chalk it down. Why, you look as if you didn't know what a piece of chalk was." The milkman blushed, and, picking up his canB, sadly took his whey from the door, pondering on the uncertainty of 1 Journal. liumauity. --Somerville - t - , • -m. 'Vt "But thou no fMtiac s * To ape me knee ing, My love revealiuj Day after day ?'* » HIIK. " Yes, I have feeling To we you knee'ing, Your bald heal revealing. Taxe It away." TBBBK a briglit young«ter named Jack On bis deur mother'* chair placed a tack; KUc arose with a " Yip!" Then Kr*li'x*d the yomn; chip And wanned him ilown uiidtr his back." --Derrick. A it AN from one of the rural districts went to Washington to Bee the sights. A member of the House, whose con­ stituent he was, said, " Come up to-mor- *ow, and I will give you a seat on the floor of the House." " No, you don't," answered Jonathan ; " I always manage to have a cheer to Bit on at home, and I don't come to Washington to sit on the floor!" A GALVESTON school-teacher asked a new boy: " If a carjienter wants to cover a roof fifteen feet wide by thirty broad with shingles five feet broad by ! to try. ** QUESTIONS ANSWERED." AVMtorWhfl Wa* Above the Vaaltlei •f Thl* WorNU [From the Brooklyn Eagle.] " Are you one of the editors of this newspaper ?" she asked in a fluttering tone, approaching the man who does the " Questions Answered" for the Eagle. '• Yes," he replied, taking her in at a glance. " Make the waist plain and •hirr on the skirt; put in an apron front and leave the back of the dress full, with a narrow flounce at the bottom," and the encyclopedia turned away to his work. " I didn't want to aak you about dress," Bhe faltered. "I hope I am .above the vanities of this world. Ihilve been a church member, but I am be­ wildered about mv responsibilities," and her eyes filled with tears. "Are you an idiot, lunatic, married woman, or habitual drunkard ?" in­ quired the " Questions " man, running over the Norvum Organum to see if the Piesiosaurus laid eggs or suckled her young. " Sir!" she demanded, with rising in­ dignation. "Because if you ain't, you're legally responsible," he answered, turning to the question : " How could the chil­ dren of Adam marry the daughters of man, if there was no man before Adam ?" "I don't mean thai, I want to un­ derstand whether I am a free agent, or if I am--" "That depends upon how you have made your contract. If you bought the goods outright you are only liable for the purchase pride,* but if you work on com­ mission-- "No, no. Not thatand streaming tears roused the "Questions" man to some show of interest. " I am in doubt. Which way Bhall I turn ?" "Well, my dear, that depends much on the dance. In the waltz you turn from left to right until vou reverse. In the--" " Good Heaven!" ejaculated the in­ quirer, " he thinks I dance. No, no, no! You don't understand me. I want to understand the right road." " Yes, yes; I see. That depends upon circumstances. If you're going to the cemetery, you take a Grtenwood car. If you're going over to Williamsburg, look out for a Greenpoint and Myrtle avenue car; or, if yon want the circus, you will find the Fulton Btreet--" 4 4 Merciful Providence ! It is not that, either. Can you scoff at me when my head is bowed thus in sorrow?" "Oh, that's it!" replied the "Ques­ tions " man, glancing through Boilin's history to find the difference between a Scandinavian and a Swedenborgian. "Get a brown chip turned up at the back or on the left side, and trim it with a yard of Spanish lace and a bunch of forget-me-nots in the front. Or, you might try a white Leghorn, with--" "Can't you understand me?" she moaned, wringing her hands. "Don't {rou see that my feet are sore and weary, ooking for tho right path ?" "Corns?" asked the "Questions" man, scratching his ear. " Pare 'em down carefully, and put on four drops of lemon, or--" " You mock me!" she sobbed. " Pray, lelrme rest a moment." The "Questions" man regarded her sympathetically, and turned to the in­ quiry, "Did the Athenians fry their clams or eat them raw ? " while lie gave her time to recover. " I come for information," she con­ tinued, at length ; " I want to know what I can do. I am in a fever--" " Salts!" proclaimed the encyclopedia with energy. " Ydu want salts; a table- spoonful an hour before breakfast. That will reduce the fever, and then--" "You horrible wretch !" sobbed the unhapp iv - MID, rising. "I came to you bee;. - thought you could guide me to the spiritual fountain for which I am thirsti ;<*, nnd you insult me in this wanton way !" and she flopped out of the office v-it'n riotous iudiguution. "Most unaccountable feinalo," solilo­ quized the " Questions " man. " I told her what I thought she wanted tc know, and she gets as mad as the fellow dia when I told him that pawubroking took its origin in shoving Jonah in the spout. I've got to have more salary for this business, or the Eagle must get auother man," and the encyclopedia bunt his attention upon his question, " What postage did Paul pay on his first epistle to the Corinthians?" Humorous Writing. Almost everv one privately indulges in the idea that he could beoome a cele­ brated humorist writer if he were only to peep, as it were, behind the scenes of an assurance office, and gather from their table the number of years they will give ns to live. This table has been the result of careful calculation, and seldom proves misleading. Of course, sudden and premature deaths, as well as lives unusually extended, oc­ casionally occur, but this is a table of average expectancy of life of an ordinary man and woman : A person 1 year old may expect to live thirty-nine years lon­ ger ; of 10 years, fifty-one ; of 20 years, forty-one; 30years, thirty-four; 40years, twenty-eight; 50 years', twenty-one; of 60 years, fourteen; of 70 years, nine ; of 80 years, four. Our readers will easily gather from the above tabulated state­ ment the number of years to which their lives, according to the law of averages, may reasonably lie expected to extend.-- Harper's Bazar. twelve long, how many shingles will he need ?" The boy took up his hat and slid for the door. " Where are you go­ ing?" asked the teacher. "To find a carpenter. He ought to know that bet­ ter than any of we fellows." A NICE-LOOKINO old lody, with a snowy circle of lace about her head, sat in a Wabasli-avenue car, and drew up her skirts nervously, lest the cataract of to­ bacco-juice that was pouring from the mouths of two loafers next her should deluge them. " Conductor," she asked, timidly, when he came in, "isn't it against the rules to spit on the floor of the car?" "No, ma'am," replied the C^nt conductor, " spit wherever you "--Chicago Inter Ocean. WITH an average price per annum of $7.33, and an aggregate daily circula­ tion of 3,581,187, the people of the United*States appear to pay out annually the sum of $26,250,100.71 for their daily newspapers. These totals are subject to oertain obvious qualifications. Every newspaper has a free list, more or less large, the chief item of which is in its exchanges. Allowance must also be marie for a small percentage of papers {>rinted regularly, but not sold or circu-ated aud including tear and waste. On He takes up a magazine or newspa­ per and reads a humorous article, and says to himself : " If I only had time, 1 could do vastly better than that." Now, friend, suppose you- take the time and try! If you can produce a first-class hu­ morous sketch, your fortune is made. You need not plod on in counting-houses or vegetate behind the counters of dry- goods stores Belling calico at a profit of 2 cents on a yard. You can just go on with your first-class humor, and fix your own valuation upon it. never fearing but it will be paid. But the fact of it is, you are a little mistaken. This humorist business is much cusier in theory than in practice. Anybtnly can criticise and find fault with our funny writers, but the question is ciin that same " anybody" do any bet­ ter? If so, let him do it. You think it a very easy and simple thing to sit down with a p.'n in your iin- ger-t and a sheet of paper before you and indite thoughts which shall con­ vulse the world with laughter, and say­ ings which shall l»e repeated for scores of years to come ? Well, we are all willing you should try, and when you achieve success we will laugh at your witty things, and sun ourselves in the flash of your diamonds, i and not feel any envy. • * * We the other hand, and especially in the ^ largo cities, a considerable per cent, of ^ ^ upon humorous writing the total circulation is disposed of by the single copy at the retail price. While the average cost to the annual subscriber is 2* cents per copy, the average retail price per copy for the country is nearly cents, the largest average for a State being Nevada, where it is twelve cents, and the lowest in Delaware, where it is 1J cents per copy. It is probable that the added cost of the papers sold at retail is quite sufficient to offset the de­ ductions which are to be made in the total cost given on account of the causse enumerated. In the census year the number of daily papers throughout the United States was 962--morning, 436; evening, 526. Of this number New York has 115, Pennsylvania 98, Illinois 73, California 54, Missouri 42, Indiana 40, Massachusetts 35, Texas 32 and Vir­ ginia 21, and so on, down to 3 iu West Virginia. During the year 114 were established and 86 suspended. The ave­ rage circulation was 2,800, and the aggre­ gate circulation 3,581,187. In the same year there were 682 weeklies and 138 Sunday papers running. INDIAKOLA'S Mayor has resigned. The •alarj was only about $17 a rear. as a pastime, as requiring less thought and iutellectuol power than the heavier essays which crowd our reviews; but in this we are mistaken. Your true hi* inorist must have wonderful imagina­ tion, observation, a keeu sense of the ridiculous, a thorough understanding of men, a generous power of language, delicacy, sensibility, tenderness and a strong love of humankind.--The Thorn Papers. How Long We Arc to Lire. It is not every one who asks himself that question, became, strangely enough, it iB the belief of many persons that their lives will be exceptionally lengthy. However, life insurance companies are aware of the credulous weakness of those whose lives they assure, and have, there­ fore, com pi :ed numerous tables of ex- p otaucy of life for their own guidance, which are CHrefillly referred to l»efore a policy is granted. The fo'lowing is one of those well-iiiithentieated tables in use among Tendon assurance compani s, showing the length of life ut various ages. In the first place wo have the present age of persons of average health, and in the second column wo are enabled Cobblers Win Went Beyond Their Last. No one but a shoemaker could have thought Coleridge serious in bis strange saying that the shoemaker's bench had produced more eminent men than any other handicraft. The Shoe and Leath­ er Reporter has, however, compiled a " bill of particulars " in the shape of a list cf famous cobblers, which seems to act as an effectual estopel on all jealous craftsmen. Hans Christian Andersen, i who needs no introduction, may head | the list, and Hans Sachs, of Nuremberg, whor though he made shoes all his life, yet also made 6,000 poems, plays, farces and rhyming fables, may be put next. Sir Cloudesley Shovel was a shoemaker until he enlisted in the navy, and ao was Sir Christopher Minns, another English Admiral. John Hewson, one of Crom­ well's Colonels, and a signer of Charles L's death-warrant; Samuel Bradburn, the " Demosthenes of Methodism," as well as a Bishop; James Lackinton, whoso catalogue of publications reached the total--enormous for that time--of 30,000 volumes, in 1787--all these were cobblers at first, if not at the last Con­ tinuing the English list, William Gif- ford, whose memory is preserved by a complimentary allusion in Byron's " En­ glish Bards aud Scotch Reviewers," and whose body is buried in Westminster Abbey ; George Fox, the arch Quaker; Williiim Carey, a missionary famous a century ago, and who read the proofs of the Bible in twenty-seven Oriental lan­ guages ; Samuel Drew, "the Locke of the nineteenth century," whose experi­ ence as an author led him to formulate the sad truth that " the man who makes shoes is sure of his wages, but the man who makes books is never sure of any­ thing ;" Thomas Holcroft, whose name is not nearly so well known as that of a single one of his plays, "The Road to Ruin;" the Bloomfield brothers, whom Byron thus apostrophized: Ye tuneful cobblers, still your notes prolong, Cotupore at onoe a clipper and a Bong; John Pounds, whom school-children cried at beicg turned away from--all these and lesser lights too numerous to mention were English shoemakers. Coming to our own country, Roger Sherman, one of the "signers," leads the list in time, but Vice President Hen- ry Wilson in rank. Beside these were Congressmen Shelley aud Noah Worces­ ter, not the lexicographer, but the founder of the Massachusetts Peace So­ ciety. And ex-Govs. H. P. Baldwin, of Michigan, and William Claflin, of Mas­ sachusetts, if they never made shoes, at least dealt in them largely enough to be named here. Altogether, the list is suffi­ ciently imposing and convincing to justi­ fy a verdict in favor of ^ Coleridge's say­ ing. The Pueblo Indians and Their Religions Beliefs. The wcod Pueblo means villages; and the tribe of Indians that have lived in this region take their name, Pueblo, from the fact that they lived in Pueblos, or villages. The Pueblos have some peculiar ideas of the future. They believe that at death they will be carried away in some mysterious manner to a place beneath a vast underground lake, where melons and ]>eaches and beautiful maidens and horses are in never-ending supply for the g«x>d. The Zuni Indians have a tradition that they were placed where they are in order to l»e out of the reach of the deluge, of which they have some account. The tradition relates how the Great Spirit set them apart as a chosen people, and preserved them while all other tribes and nations were drowned. They also believe that all the people of the earth are descended from the Zuni thus taved lrom the deluge. This tradition has its parallel with that given us in the Sacred Scriptures. They also believe that in Pecos (a vil­ lage) Montezuma was born; that he grew up with extraordinary mental powers; that he traveled a great deal and taught the people many good things; that he usually rode on the back of an eagle and always went ahead of those who trav­ eled with him, and thus was, as was the star to the wise. men of the East, a guide to them both day and night, and, whenever the eagle stopped at night, there was planted an Indian Pueblo. The sign where th e great capital should be built was the alighting of the eagle upon a large cactus-bush, and there devour­ ing a rattlesnake. This, tradition has it, was on Montezuma's journey south, and was his great and last journey. The eagle stopped where the City of Mexico now stands. The Mexican Government has adopted the alighting of the eagle as the design of the national seal, and thus made memorable the legend. The same design is also stamped on Mexican coin. Montezuma never returned from his southern trip, but in some mysteri­ ous manner passed away to the land of the blessed, and since leads his people by his spirit. The City of Mexico was founded iu 1325.--New Mexico Cor. Chicago Tribune. PJJionWBLiitM. • * rmtoa, may *».--ontAm--un man omk sages on appropriation billj the flouts | ctirred in the House amendment# to tho Insane Horrvtal and to the Urbana Indi)«trisl University bill; refused to concur in striting out 42,000 for a water filter for the Jackson­ ville Insane H wpital; ootx-urml in the amend­ ments to the bill of the State Norm*1 Unfe voraity at Normal, »nd to th»s Appropriation bu| of the State Board of ARiicuttnrw. N4m~' of the Home amendment*) to the Gw»> eral Appropriation bill wore concur-»<1 in. The amendments to the bill of the Feeblp- Minded Asylum at Lincoln and tho Consolidated Penitentiary Appropriation bill were concurred in. The Mil to increase th» italarv of the Board of Appeals of the Chicago Board of Tra ie cams up on a reconsideration and wa« again defeat­ ed. The Senate reCnsed to concur in the amendments to the Kankakee Insane Hoe petal MIL Bills were passed: Allowing farrcioe- nrea on tax pale*: s Doe sad Shesp law; amending the law of the adminiwtration of es­ tates b? requiring a bond from sdmioiatrators in doable the amount of the personal propartgr only, except in cases when property u sought to be disposed of; puniahinx those guilty of the adulteration of articles of food or drink t apportioning the State into districts for the ad- mitfoion of the insane to the State asylums i l uuifttung adulterators and venders of doctored *• i m r, » V- . .it ; The Twe Girls of Frostbcrg. Two young ladies for the past four years have had control of a farm of one hundred and sixty acres near Frostburg. They have plowed, sowed, reaped, built fences, raised hogs aud performed the other countless duties incident to a pastoral life. In addition to their out­ side duties the care of a widowed and in­ valid mother has been a tax^ou their energies. One of the ladies is a shoe­ maker, and all work of that kind used by the family is executed by her. The house in which they live is large and roomy, yet these two girls, whose ages, by the way, are twenty-two aud twenty, have made all the carpet, and made it well, too, painted a number of farm scenes aud family portraits in oil, and filled up the otherwise vacant spots with waxwork, etc. Besides, the fact that they are good musicians, the fact that they never shock your refiued ear with ungrammatical remarks, is also note­ worthy. Go to that much-abused village of Punxsuatawuey, and, after inquiring for the location of Frostburg, walk in that directum just three mill's and you will reach the home-made home of Emma and Marrilla Black. --Pittsburg l/isputch. !•' - ̂ butter and cheese. A gold watch and were presented to Lieut, Gov. Hamilton. HOUSE.--After receding from its amendment to the Chenter Penitentiary lull, cutting out Uia item of $8,000 for gas works which the Senste refused to agree to, the question of receding from three amendments to the SontSu rn Nor­ mal University appropriation, which the Senate refused to concur in, came up. On re&swenibSng after dinner, the House receded from its amend­ ment Btrikrag ont the item for a filter at Jack­ sonville. and refused to recede frank its amendment to the Kankakee bm, on which a conference committeo was accordingly appointed. Tho same thing was aim done with the Road law. Bills were passed : Putting all the notes Of mutual insurance companion on the same basfaL and givmg t-uefa companies tbe right to erase! any policy and return the note, providing lbs amount of the notes i» not reduced below the legal standard of 150.000; the Senate Town­ ship Insurance bill; authorizing the appoint* ment of a public administrator in each county in the State, to hold office for the term of four years, to furnish a bond in the sum of $5,000; allowing • entities to sell forfeited property on ten days' notice; authorizing municis»al au­ thorities to abate nuisances and collect tbs expense of so doing from the premises on which they exist; repealing the law making a*» sesaments once in four years sad ^aiiirig for anunal assessments. SATURDAY, May 28. --SSXATK.--The Senate promptly concurred in the cotiferenoe com­ mittee's report on the appropriation for tho Chester penitentiary. The Appropriation bill for tlie Anna Insane Asylum came from tb* House amended. The actions of the Honsa were concurred in. The Needles Revenue bill came back from the House divested of its 'nmi'K'-'iicy clause, and the Senate concurred. Tim conference committee's report, on the Gen­ eral Appropriation bill was then concurred in. Bills were passed: Appropriating to pay the Sixth regiment, for wrvicos at the 1877 riots; appropriating $524,000 for tho comple­ tion of the State Hou-e, contingent upon a majority vote of the people at any general election ; tor the prevention of the spread of pleuro-pneuinonia; a brace of appropriations t\>»- the Supreme and Appellate Courts at Otta­ wa and Mount Vernon: giving the Arab Fun Company of Cairo §200 to pay for ihe burst­ ing of a boiler at the Auna Iuasne Asylum fire; preventing County Clerks from, holding tax-books for more than ten days after* the first Monday iu December in each year; giving the Governor of the State the power to appoint all Park Commissioners; a £>OK and •Sneep law; giving the Mayors of dries the ilower to appoint members of School Boards in June instead of July; perfecting the School law ; compelling Assessors, nnder pain of heavy penalties, to admin,ster oaths to parties listing , their property for taxation. 1 HOTTKK.--The conference committee on the General Appropriation bill, the Southern Nor­ mal Institute bill, and the Kankakee bill seat in the customary " split-the-diff erenoe" reports, jind the House promptly concurred in them. Mr. Carr. on behalf of thirty-seven members on tho Democratic side, presented a protest against the passage of the Chester Appropria­ tion bill. The House bill legalizing leases, bailments and conditional sales of railway rolling stock was called np, and the Ben- ate amendments concurred m.. The Dentistry bill was passed, as was the Tax Levy bill. MOKDAT, May 80.--SEHATK. --The General Levy bill amendments by the House were con­ curred in. Mr. Ithinehart offered a joint reso­ lution. which was adopted, to instruct tba President of the Senate and Speaker of tbe House to appoint a committee ot throe from tho House and two from the Senate to investi­ gate the auestion of (iioviduiK tor the curouio muiae. Messrs. Adams and Rhinchort were appointed such committee from the Senate. The bill to make Decoration day a legal holiday as regards promissory notts, due-bills, etc., passed by a vote of 33 to 0. The bill to legali/.e Quaker marriages passed oy s vote of 27 to 7. An executive session was then held, and tho Governor's aimomtments of notaries public and public administrators oon- drmed. George Terwithger, Assistant Secre­ tary of tho Senate, was presented with a hand­ some gold watch, Mr. Archer making the ad­ dress. A half honr was then spent in addresses lrom different Senators as culled upon, and many pleasing speeches were made, tho hatchet buried oil all past differences, and the parting beinst graced with thu kindest, expressions of t;ood will and esteem, and then, at 12:30, the ,ravel fell for the last time, and tlie Senate of he Thirty- second General Assembly stood ad­ journed sine die. HOUSE.--The House began business by pass­ ing, with the emergency clsnse, the Senste bill providing for immediate rettlemeuts between Couiity Collector snd Town Coikctors. The following Senate bills were passed and sent to , the Governor: rroviding that appeals iu tax suits, etc., shall be taken directly from the County Court to the Supreme or Appellate Courts ; amending the Garnishment law so as to require the garnishee to be tendered his fees and mileage when the summon* is served ; providing that changes of venue on the ground of prejudice of a Judge, shall not be allowed to another county, but only from two of tbe three Judges of the circuit; giving penitentiary authorities police powers on the grounds of tho institutions. The Road bill failed, the Honss refuriug to adopt tlie report of the conference committee. The House adopted a resolution providing for a CommisHioE on the Needs of the Insane of the State, and, after disposing of some routine business, took a recess until 3 o'clock. The event of tho afternoon was the presenta­ tion to Speaker Thomas of a magnificent gold watch aud chain, the gift of the numbers of the House. Tbe presentation speech very ap- m propriately came from Mr. lancey, of tM t Democratic side, who was in his happiest The House then adjourned without day. JC ' .v m A Shoddy View of Art. A Yankee who had suddenly acquired great wealth by speculation took it into his head to travel, aud, finding himself at leugth in Florence, made a visit to Mr. Powers' studio. Looking over the different statues, his eye rested on tho "Greek Slave." "What may you call that air boy "'The Greek Slave,"* replied tho sculptor. " And what may be the price of HF* continued the Yaukee. "Three thousand dollars," was tho answer, as Powtrs gazed on the odd specimen of humanity before him. " Three thousand dollars!" he ex­ claimed ; " you don't say so, now! "Why, It'ought of buying something on you» but that's a notch above no, ¥Ehy,ltfr» tiary is rio, isn't ii?* Sayings. Said Bishop Berkely--"I had rather be master of my own time than wear a diadem." Said Goldsmith--"I Mem to have been tied to a circumference, and whiried disagreeably round, as if in a whirling." Said Thoreau--" I would rat her sit on a pumpkin, and have it all to mvseif, than to be crowded on a velvet cusliion. It is desirable that a man live iu all re­ spects so compactly thai, if au enemy take the town, he can walk out the gate empty-handed without anxiety." - " • £ • THK new moon then it gets full. haa two haras, f --c;;