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OtXBt RAILBOAM, lie stood fo (be station; afaeseia*Ms<tts (Bbeisaf Ou their 1 It always follows the i ____ He loolm at the daring railroad man, 'At the train of cut aad kk bunce | AJW "Pettte, hWSSSlw, By the Kmkaiee or tbe Kokomo T railroad maps confuse theeji There's the C. B. Q. and the R. S. X2 Ana (his (me fays your life is at stakZ g# *«/ road but tbe Sky Blue Lake, TB»« J5. E. It. b. P. Q. J. JU". e peeper* on the entire way; Bttt A'vc i eiir d these,*rains are much! X&&)i Uy K^uuakee or the Kokoina." febi? murmured, « Sweetie, Pre heard Whet a fine o'.ii road is the P. G. K. ; » But matinue memed to disagree. Awl pr-fere the X, 8. A. O. P. ; Thii- chart say*, Babv, the views are _ Ob th=! T* *a<!-Co» fo- y Mustang line; But t perhaps ir» d better go Oa the Kiukakee or the Kokomo." ; A conductor chanced to pass them bp, And the bridcf/roum caught hia gentJseye; He said, " OLu man, with the cap of deep Inform :ne quick, inform me true, Which road io bttt for a bliuthing, para, Young, tin)id bride on her wedding tour! Ajtf IW! UR quickly what yon know Of thujKimktkee and the Kokomo." Tbe conductor's eyes gave a savage glaaaa. : The^e words roiled out in a limpid stream: Ai; * i There's the A, ft. 1. D. V. R. Z.. "&.*/• Connect# with the Flip- F jip-Rrff-Baac-n. f TCB can change on the '^-off-Sue And go through on tbe Paivoake-Ao That road yon named is blocked by now (The Kankakee and the Kokomo). 'ThePennsylvania, Pittsburgh Hljl^ Conn' ct«j with tbe Oslikonh Kalamazoo^ With a pinoking car all the afternoon, ^uit the thfngfora honey-inooa ; ' " fc And t'ae Central Scalp Tootli-Bungb;ita "mil» Goes through a vine-clad cjuntfy rick. i Of the road yon named I nothing knew "*0 Tbe Kankakee and the Kokomo." Tbe bride said: " B&by, 'tis bait, by Jhtk IJko the dollar, we return to pa. {That's a pun I heard while on a tnla On the XT. R. IT. G. Jersey main.") The c.-nductor (milled; hie eye-teeth showed He had ppoiled the trade of a rival road. He knew in hi« heart there was no snow On the Kankakee or the Kokomo. And the bride and groom returned to pa, Who heard it ah and then said, "Pshaw I If yon found yon couldnt «o that way, Tray didn't you go on the Cross Eyed-B^rt" The bridegroom gave a cry of pain; Tbe railroad names had turn.d hia tocata. Ha raves, insane, for ever more; la a. mad-house, chained unto the Ha gfbbera, " Tooteie, shull we go By the Kankakee or the Kokomo t" Times. JUDAS ISCAB10T. v;. f Her La»t Crulti*. •* She formerly showed the name Fly­ ing Sprite oa her starn moldin',* said Gapt. Trumbull Cram. " But I had that gonged oat and planed off, and the name Judas Iscariot in gilt sot there in- •tid." "That was an extraordinary name," aaid I. " 'Strornary craft," replied the Cap­ tain, as he absorbed another inch and a half of nigger head. " I'm neither a pro­ fane man nor an irreverend, but sink my jig if I don't believe that the sperrit of Judas posaeesed that schooner. Hey, Ammi?" The young man addressed as Ammi was seated upon a mackerel barrel. He deliberately removed from hid lips a black brierwood, and shook his head with gi eat gravity. "The Cap'n," said Ammi, "in nei­ ther a profane nor an irreverend. What he says he mostly knows, but when he sinks his jig he's alters to be depended on." Fortified with thia neighborly esti­ mate of character, Gapt. Cram proceed­ ed : "You l:irf at the idee of a schooner's flool? Perhaps you hev sailed'em forty- odd year up and down this here coast, an' 'quainted yourself with their diapo- habits of mind? ritiona and Aitami? ' The Cap'#, Hey, gentle-explained the matt on the mackere f keg,.44 hez coasted an' hez fished for forty-sis year. He's lumbered and he's iced. When the Cap'n sees fit to talk about schooners he under­ stands the subject" "My friend," said the Captain, '•» adhooner has a soul like a human being, but considerably broader of beam, whether for good or for evil, I ain't a goiit' to deny that I prayed forthe Judas m Tuesday 'n Thursday evenin' meetin" week arter week an' month arter month. I Ain't a ffMn' to deny thaft I interested Deacon Plympton in the 'raatle for her redemption. It was no use, my friend; even the deacon's powerful p'titions was clear waste." I ventured to inquire in what mmw«i» this vessel had manifested its depravity. The narrative which I heard was tlie story of a demon of treachery with three •nasta and a jibboom. The Flying Sprite was the first three- master ever built at Newaggen, and the last. People shook their heads over the experiment. "No good can come of saoh a critter," they said. "It'scon- trairy to natur. Two masts is masts enough." The Flying Sprite began its career of base improbity at the yery mo­ ment of its birth. Instead of launching deoently into the element for which it was designed, the three-masted schooner slumped through the ways into the mud and stuck there for three weeks, caus­ ing great expense to the owners, of whom Capt. Trumbull Cram was one to <he extent of .an undivided third. The ofacles of Newaggen were confirmed in thrtir forebodings. "Two mtiate is masts enough to nail the sea," they said; "the third is the devil's hitchin' post." On tlie first voyage of the Flying Sprite, Gapt. Cram started her for Phil­ adelphia, loaded with ioe belonging to himself and Lawyer Swanton; cargo un­ insured. Ice was worth $6 a ton in Philadelphia; this particular ice had cost Capt. Cram and Lawyer Swanton 85 cents a ton shipped, including sawdust. Tiiey were happy over the prospect. The Flyini* Sprite cleared the port in beautiful shape, and then suddenly and silently went to the "bottom in Fiddler's Ifciach, in eleven feet of salt water. It required onjy six days to float her and pump her out, but, owing to a certain incompatibility between ioe and salt the salvage consisted exclusively of sawdust. On her next trip the schooner carried a deck-load of lumber from the St. Croix liver. It was in some sense a conse­ crated cargo, for the lumber was intend­ ed for a new Baptist meeting-house in Southern New Jersey. If the prayerful hopes of the navigators, combined with the prayerful expectations of the con­ signees, had availed, this vovage, at least, wonldhave been successfully made. But about sixty miles southeast of Nan- 'tucket the Flying Sprite encountered a mild September gale. She ought to have weathered it with perfect ease, but she behaved so abominably that the church timber was scattered over the surface of the Atlantic from about lati­ tude 40 degree® 15 seconds to about latitude 42 degrees 50 seconds. A month or two later she contrived to go on her beam ends under a gentle land breeze, dumping a lot of expensively-carved granite from the Fox island quarries into a deep Hole in Long Island sound. On the very next trip she turned deliber­ ately out of her course in order to sma«k into the starboard bow of a Norwegian bark, and was subsequently libeled for heavy damagea. It was after a few experiments of this sort that Capt. Cram erased the old name from the schooner's stern and from her cjjJjtffjlnJvaJ tlitti-Af Ttl rl n n 1* vWUMi Lmriol He ectalddinover no designa­ tion thafc expresaed so well bit con­ temptuous opinion of her moral qualities. She joemad sttfmste with the spirit of porposdessmsliod, of malignant perfidy. She was a floating tab of eusseaaess. A board of nautical experts sat upon the Judas lsoariot, but ooaid find nothing the matter with her physieally. The lines of her hull were all right, she was properly planked and ceiled and calked, her spars were of good Oregon jane, she was rigged taut and trust­ worthy, and her canvas had been cat and stitched by a God-fearing saihnaker. According to all theory, she ought to have been perfectly responsible as to her keel. In practice oh© was frightfully cranky. S;ti!iug tlie Judas Iscariot was like driving a horse with more vices than hairs in h\s tail. She always did the unexpected thiug, except when bad be­ havior was expected of her on general principles. If the idea was to luff, she would invariably tall off; if to jibe, she would come around dead in the wind, and hang there like Mohammed's colliu. Sending a man to haul the jib-sheet to windward was sending a man on a for­ lorn hope; the jib habitually picked up the venturesome navigator, and, after shaking him viciously in the air for a second or two, tossed him overboard. A boom never crossed the deck without breaking somebody's head. Start on whatever course she might., the schooner was certain to run before long into one •f three things, namely, some other ves­ sel, a fog-bank or the bottom. From the day on which she was launched her scent for a good, sticky mad bottom was un­ erring. In the clearest weather fog fol­ lowed and enveloped her as misfortune follows wickedness. Her presence on the banks was enough to drive codfish to the coast of Ireland. Tlie mackerel and porgies were always where the Judas Iscaviot was not. It was impossible to circumvent the schooner's fixed purpose to ruin everybody who chartered her. If chartered to carry a dek load, she spilled it; if loaded between decks, she dived and spoiled the cargo. She was like one of tlie trick mules which, if they can not otherwise dislodge the rider, get down and roll over and over. In short, the Judas Iscariot was known from Mar'ulehead to the Bay of Chaleur as the consummate schooneration 'of mal­ evolence, turpitude and treachery. After commanding the Judas iscariot for five or f*ix years, Capt. Cram looked fulty twenty years older. It was in vain that he had attempted to sell her at a sacrifice. No man on the coast of Maiue, Massachusetts, or the British provinces would have taken the schooner as a gift The belief in her demoniac possession was as firm as it was uuiversaC Nearly at the end of a season, when the wretched craft had been even more unprofitable than usual, a conference of the owners was held in the Congrega­ tional vestry one evening after the monthly missionary meeting. No out­ sider knows exactly wliat happened, but it is rumored that in the two hours dur­ ing which these capitalists were closeted certain arithmetical computations were eff ected which led to significant results and to a singular decision. On the forenoon of tne nent Friday there was a general suspension of busi­ ness at Newaggen. The Judas Iscariot, with her deck scoured and her spars scraped till they shone in the sun like yellow amber, lay at the wharf by Capt. Cram's fish-house. Since Monday the Captain and his three boys and Andrew Jackson's son Tobias, from Mackerel Cove, had been busy loading the schoon­ er deep. This time her cargo was an extraordinary one. It consisted of nearly a quarter of a mile of stone wsiil froaa the boundaries of the Captain's shore pasture. " I calklet," remarked the commander of the Judas Iscariot, as he saw the last bowlder disappearing down the main hatch, "Uiar'snigh twoliun- dud'n fifty ton of stohe fenoe aboard thet sclioon'r." Conjecture was wasted over this un­ necessary amount of ballast. The own­ ers of the Judas Iscariot stood up well under the consolidated wit of the village; they returned witticism for witticism, and kept their secret. " Ef you must know, I'll tell ye," said the Captain. "I hear thar's a stone-wall famine over Machias way. I'm goin' to take mine over's peddle it out by the yard." On this fine sunshiny Friday morning, while the luckless schooner lay on one side of the wharf, looking as bright and trim and prosperous as if she were the best-paying maritime investment in the world, the tng Pug, of Portland, lay un­ der the other side, with steam up. She had come down the night before in re­ sponse to a telegram from the owners of the Judas lsoariot. A good land breeze was blowing, with the promise of fresh­ ening as the day grew older. At half-past 7 o'olock the schooner put off from the landing, carrying not only the Captain's pasture wall, but also a large number of his neighbors and friends, including some of the Bolid­ es t citizens of Newaggen. Curiosity was stronger than fear. " You know what the critter air," the Captain had said, in reply to numerous applications for pass­ age. " Ef you're a mind to resk her an­ tics, come along, an' welcome." Capt. Cram put on a white shirt and holiday suit for the occasion. As he stood to the wheel shouting directions to his boys and Andrew Jackson'» son Tobias at the halliards, his guests gathered around him--a fair representation of the respectability, the business enterprise and the piety of Newaggen harbor. Never had tne Judas Iscariot carried such a load. She seemed suddenly strnck with a sense of decency and re­ sponsibility, for she came around into the wind without balking, dived her nose playfully into the brine, and skipped off on the short hitch to clear Tumbler island, all in the properest fashion. The Pag steamed after her. The crowd on the wharf and the boys 'in the small boats cheered this unex­ pectedly-orthodox behavior, and they now saw for the first time that Capt. Cram had painted oi> the side of the vessel in conspicuous white letteis, each three or four feet long, the following legend: ;THI818 THE 8CHOONER JUDAS ISCABIOT. B A WtDI BKXTK. Hour after hour the schooner bound­ ed along before the northwest wind, holding her course as straight as an ar­ row. The weather continued fine. Every time the Captain threw the log he looked more perplexed. Eight, nine, nine and a half knots ! He shook his head as ho whispered to Deacon Plymp­ ton: "She's meditatin' mischief <?' some natur or other." But the Judas led the Pug a wonderful chase, and by half-past 2 in the afternoon, before the demijohn which Andrew Jackson's son Tobias had smuggled on board was three-quarters empty, and bafore Lawyer Swanton had more than three-quarters finished his celebrated story about Gov. Puring- ton's cork leg, the schooner and the tug were between fifty and sixty miles from land. Cram gave a grunt of ̂ •*. * • ' - ~L ' a blue line just above the horizon marked a distant fog bank. "She smelt it an' she run for it," he remarked senteatiously. "Time for business." Then ensued a singular ceremony. Firat Capt, Oram brought the schooner to, and transferred all nis passengers to tbe tag. The wind had shifted to the southeast, and the fog was rapidly ap- i poaching. The sells of the Judas Is- ! oariot flapped as she lay headed to the | wind; her bows rose and fell gently tin-; der the infiuenoe of the long swell. The ^ Fug bobbed op and down half a haw- j length away. j Having put his guests and crew aboard j the tug, Cap. Cram proceeded to put; everything skip-shape on the decks of , tlie schooner. He neatly coiled a loose j end of rope that had been left in a snarl, j He even picked up and threw overboard j «ie stopper of Andrew Jackson's son • Tobias' demijohn. His face wore an 1 expression of unusual solemnity. The J people on the tng watched his move- > ments eagerly, but silently. Next he i tied one end of a short rope to the wheel, ' and attached the other end loosely by • means of a running bow-line to a cleat: npon the rail. Then he was seen to take I up an ax and to disappear down the ! companion way. Those on the tug dis- i tinctlv heard several crashing mows. \ In a moment the Captain reappeared oa the deck, walked deliberately to the i wheel, brough t the schooner around so 1 ' f- ' 1 ** Darn It" They had a terrible time up at Petalnma, and wfafcii only goes to show how the smallest drawback will ","7- ' i at a ^dfling- A Binder IMwHlt. For some Ha# Texas has bean rejoic­ ing in thS'ftoiaMMeion of what was de­ clared to be t£e oMe.st buscuit in the sometimes lake the stiffening out of tbe i country, a litteait which a soldier car- swellest oocasion. j ried home from the war in his pocket. It seems that the ceremony was a very ! Twenty years did seem a tolerable age grand affair, indeed. There were eight * for any arttole of food, but it is never bridesmaids, and the church was crowd- ' * ' * " • ed from pit to dome, as the dramatic critics would say. But, when they got to the proper place in the ceremony, and the groom began feeling around for the ring, he discovered that it wasn't on hand. After the minister had scowled at the miserable wretch for a while the latter detected that the magic circlet had slipped through a hole in hia pocket and worked down into * his boot He communicated the terrible fact in a Whisper to the bride, who turned deadly pale, add was only kept from fainting by tlie reflection that they would inevit­ ably cut the strings of her satin corsage in case she did. " Why don't you produce the ring? " whispered the bride's big brother, hoarsely, and feeling for his pistol, un­ der the impression that the miserable man was about to back oat. . " I can't It's in my boot," explained the groom under his breath, his very hair, meanwhile, turning red with morti­ fication. ! safe to boast of ar» antiquity till Boston | has been heard from. True to her ! name, Boston now stepa smilingly for- I ward with two buscuita which' were brought to this country in 1630 by Rob- j ert Pitfrce and Ann, his wife, in the ! good ship Mary and John, Capt Squeb. The bread spoken of appears to be made j from ooarse oat meal, and is as hard and dry as wood, so that there is no reason why a fellow who got hold of one of the buscuits in the dark, while looking for lunch, wouldn't think he'd hit npon a railroad restaurant provender. BGAFTIFIX WOMEN • aiepade pllid and unattractive by functional ! irregwlAriu- H, which Dr. Pierces " Kmaite Pre- | Bcription " will infallibly cur®. ThoOMOClfl of • testimonials. By druggM*. i MABSHAIX WU STANDING on tbe sidewalk on Austin avenue, when Frisby came up and • : me you thinking about when you oon t think about anything y " "Then I : Mn tamliing what answer to give a man who j has asked no question."--Texas Siftings. m . wGOU)KK Modica! Dineoverf" taaMonlya " Try and fish it oat somehow--hurry I wwregu rem«dy for consumption, bnttko for vp," mumbled the minister behind his ! f!0n*amP,;ive. night sweats, broachitia, oon^hs, hoot ; influenza, spitting of blood, weak lungs, nhorfc- " I'll try," gasped the victim, who was ' ^ aud kindmi ^ ! rather stout; and he put one foot on the throat and chest By droggista. that her sails filled, pulled the running bowline taut and fastened the rope with several halt hitches around the cleat, thus lashing the helm, juniy ed into a j chaucel rail, pulled up his trousera lea I *!,Yo° «®®» 1 follow," «uda polioo aory and sculled over to the tug. began making spasmodic iabs for I c4'!8iB«a pickpocket down Pine Left entirely to herself, the schooner j the ring with his forefinger. The min- ™ otroet. -1 but you don't exactly apprehend roc, ' replied the thief. a» he dodged into the Ilrok- in & few notes to fill up tlie time, while i Jfoanciaco Port. a rumor rapidly went through the con- V - "--:-- orecration to tlie effect that a telfurram • , Ptkkckb "Pellet* "--"tittle Liver Pins" ^ i C«ug«r -oateoi)-purify the blood, epeedily oo^-had just arrived proving that the groom | reot all dieoriorn of tlie liver, itt^nr-h »**•* bow- had four wives living in the East j By diuggista. already, mid started off toward the South Atlan­ tic. But Capt Trumbull Cram, stand­ ing in the bow of the tugboat, raised his hand to command silence and pro­ nounced the following farewell speech, being sentence, death warrant and funeral oration, all in one; " I ain't advancin' no theory to 'oocmt for her cussedness. You all know the Judas. Mebbe there was too much fore an" aff to her. Mebbe the inickerty of a vessel's in the fore an' aff, an' the var- tue in the squar" riggin'. Mebbe two masts was masts enough. Let that go; bygones is bygones. Yonder she goes, carr y in' all sail on top, two hundred 'n ' I--I can't reach it,* groaned the half-married man in agony. '4 It won't oome." " Sit down and' take yonr boot off, you fool!" hissed the bride's mother, while the bride herself moaned piteoosly and wrung her powdered hands. There was nothing left, so the sufferer sat down on tlie lioor and began to wrestle with his boot, which was natural­ ly new and tight, while a fresh rumor got oda ton o stone fence in her holt * ' tinder way to the effect that the groom hole good two foot acrost stove in her - ' 45 • belly. The way of the transgressar is hard. Don't you see her settlin' ? It I should be a lesson, my friends, for us to profit by; there's an end to tbe long-sof-1 ferin'est mercy, and unless--. Oh! yer ' makin' straight for the fog, are ve? Well, it's your last fog bank. torn of the Bea's the fust port you'll fetch, yon critter, you I Git, and be to ye 1 This, the only oocasion on which Capt Cram was ever known to say such ' a word, was afterward considered by a 1 committee of discipline of the Congre- | gational Church at Newaggen; and the j committee, after pondering all the cir- j cumstances under which the word was j uttered, voted unanimously to take no! action. I Meanwhile the fog had shut in around ! the tug, and the Judas Iscariot was lost I to view. The tug was put about and , headed for home. The damp wind, chilled everybody through and through. ; Little was said. The contents of the i demijohn had long been exhausted, j From a distance to the south was heard ! at intervals the hoarse whistling of an j ooean steamer. " I hope that feller's well nnderwrit," said the Captain, grimly, "for the Judas'll never go down afoas she's sarched him out'n sunk him." "And was the abandoned schooner ever heard oft" I asked, when my in­ formant had: reached this point in the narrative. The Captain took me by the arm and THF.RI: are some dispensations of nature 'which aj*e not easily comprehended by the o%a- nal inquirer, and do not become very much plainer when caresu'.ly examined. "One of them was remarked upon the Qither dav by a young lady. "It is very curious," she ob­ served, "altogether unaccountable, indeed, that the tortoise, from whom we set all our tortoise-shell wimbs, has himself no hair what­ ever."--Boston Courier. . THE dencou's wife wanted to jot down the text, and, leaning over to her ecapegraee nephew, uRo wlnopered, "Have yon a card about you'i' "You can't pity in church," was hw Bolemu, reproving answer, and the good woman w&E BO fluttered she lor6ot all about was beastly tight and insisted on paring his corns. * " 1 --> As the boot came finally off its crushed j text. wearer endeavored, unsuccessfully, to ! " ~~ hide a trade-dollar hole in the heel Of his I _ Th" D,,ly ttf Ncw^papera. stocking; noticing which, the parson. > j- ,cl!e*Pw'<®wv]. l*»<!ti.'Hi tad nnpr«J«- , ® „ "Zi* , _ | diced phvwwaiw whL-IV uid^r-v hikI leeomsuend W 10 was a humorous sort Of a sky-son- t a [Ui.whc.me. known*.; from ttic ingVi'dients it conlaiuB that it in nature's best an-istaitt as a hciiUU iea' wei. i iyH-ciitlly in cuiin.; impure blood, iivs;H>pt!i<v, kidm*y ami lua,' •lipase?, fe- r.isleconipiiii'its r.iul general wc;.kii\'fH, tlien, .iudeed. ehouid the i>e\v»pai)er prc-d •; the country give publicity to tiio fact. Wo refer to I)r. Guysotfti Yellow IlO'k mid Si\r»;i parilLi, a ^ ® ! tracto- , said, grimiy " You seem to be getting married just in time, my joung ir;end.' And tlie ceremony proceeded with the party of the first part standing on one leg, try­ ing to hide his well-ventilated foot under the tail of his coat, and appropria tely i medicine of which over a million botiltn were muttering, "Darn it!" at short intervals. --Derrick Dodd, in San J?Yancisco Post. Preparing for Eternity* On the Nolensville turnpike, about twelve or thirteen miles from the city, lives an old gentleman named Taylor. His family consist only qf himself and wife. Taylor is between sixty and sev­ enty years old. His wife is three years his junior, Recently the old man has been in quite feeble health, but able to get about *n the place with tolerable alacrity. On account of the many grave robberies which have been committed in the vicinity, the old man became much concerned regarding tha preservation of his body after the alumld have passed from this life toohfeofsuwnity. With the end in view of defeating such •old liint ytar. wii.hoat one single uwtanoe of complaint.--Titnes. * Ask your dntggfet to get it tat yon. " GIVE yon 10 cent# ? " echoed a citizen who was halted on tlie street by a trump; "why should I give you 10cents?" "To l uv a cork­ screw," was the c&lin reply. " And what on earth do you wnnt of a corkscrew 7" " To pull the cork Irom a beer Ixittle." •• I can't let yon have it" " Very, well!" said the tramp, as he turned away. " Here I find a bottle of be^r in the road. If I had a corkscrew I could drink the beer, and sell the bottle lor a niukeL But for want of 10 cents I niunt break the neck, lose more or less beer and ruin the bottle, and like enough cut my throat on a piece of glass. It's no wonder a poor man never gets aloiig."-- Jktroil Free Press. * Batch Skate* Two kinds of skates are used, eacSi of distinctive character, but both intended for running--straight-ahead traveling-- no noftsense of fancy figuring. No; first and foremost rapid locomotion on the principle inculcated by Euclid, that the nearest way from one place to another is a straight line drawn between tho&# two points. The Frie*l»n<l skate is very, light iudeed, and its iron very thin and narrow--not much thicker than the back of the blade of a carving-knife; the wood- is low on the blade and close to the ice,, and carried up high in front on tho prow of the blade, which terminates in a;, little brsss acorn; the blade touches tho ice all along the length of the foot The way in which Dutch skates are fixed on to the boots is likely to take the English skater by surprise, particularly when it is impressed upon him that to tie them on as loosely as possible is the greatest desideratum in the country. Small line or rope or stout string is generally used, and not straps; these would be too firm, and I think our friends in Boverlaud might be inclined to look upon them as "foppish." This, then, is the Friesland skate. Now let us take the South Hol­ land form. This is not so jnuoh a run­ ning form, but is more especially adapt­ ed for what is called the Dutch roll. In this South Holland form the iron is slightly curved, like an English skate, directly under the foot; its principal characteristic is the very long sweep of the iron forward in front The fastening is rather firmer, bat the same in action as the other. Xisrht Learn From the Monnd Builder*. Everywhere in the Mississippi delta are to be found traces of engineer­ ing skill of the mysterious race vaguely called "mound builders." Artificial ele­ vations, miles of canals and long stretches Of low-protecting levees are to be seen in nearly every county border­ ing on the river from Cairo to New Or­ leans. Would not modern engineers do well to study carefully the system which these ancient people no doubt found to l»o an efficient remedy for devastating floods?--Memphis Av<\t'>nrhf. JvlUsftft ANB SOI ' SEKEDY F0S V!f. i The Illuminator. ceived the idea of making his own sar , , - , , cophagus. He has selected a place be- led.me out of the grocery store down to '1 tw^eil -m4 buge boulders, and reached a rocks. Across the mouth of the 1 <|eptii of about six feet. The sareopha- Av editor, who does not «i«h his name men­ tioned, writes an follows: " Exoeaaivv mental activity seriously affected my health. My kid­ neys tad liver gave me greatest annoyance. Se­ vere headaches often made me unfit for work. Milky urine and other symptoms «avo evidence of the grave robbers who may have de- t 0* physical decay. Dr. GuysottV Yellow Dock signs upon his corporal frame, he con- I 8ftr«emril3tt banished every feeling or dis- " -r - - j tress. I think it the best medicine in the world, j and shall do all I can to increase its sate." the smali cove back of his house, blocking the entrance to his, wharf and fish- house, was stretched a skeleton wreck. " Thar she lays," he said, poiuting to the blackened ribs. " That's the Judas. Did yer suppose she'd sink in deep water, where she could do no more damage ? No, sir, not if all the rocks on the coast of Maine was piled onto her, and her hull bottom knocked clean out She come home to roost She come sixty mile in the teeth of the wind. When the tug got back next mornin' thar lay the Judas Iscariot acrost my cove, with her jibbeom stuok through my kitchen winder. I aay schooners has souls." A Tough Snake Story. * {Salt Lake Tribune.] "I hate a man who lies about snakes," said an old fellow who had been listett- ing for nearly an hour, to small stories, around the stove of the Overland house. "Perhaps you mean that we are all liars" said the most loquacious of the i tie of St. Jacobs Oil and be cured. I invested gus was between three and four feet wide and about six feet in length. He also placed around the coffin several wayon- loads of boulders, to be laid o^tne grave which was to contain his remains. Thii;, we believe, will effectually prevent the medicinal fraternity or their agents from reaching his bedy. Kansas Praising It. " While I was in Topeka last winter, "said the Hon. Arthur Edgington, " I had a pretty rough time of it. I ^ot a bad cold, and then, that not being sufficiently severe, I was also attacked with rheumatism. The pain was in my left shoulder. At times I almost writhed in agony. I tell yon, sir, that tbe pain could not have been greater had xay shoulder been screwed up in a vise, I was atterly helpless, and felt like I was destined to remain in that condition indefinitely. My friends and a physician were generous in their prescriptions and my room soon became a miniature apothecary shop. But nothing did me any good. One day some one told me I was enduring a great deal of needless pain when I could invest 50 cento in a hot- yarn spinuers, •fOb, no; I haven't heard anything from you fellows that astonished me," continued the stranger. "Perhaps you know a few snakes stor- <•>* vouisell?" suid oue of the group. "Well, I do recollect a curious eircum- stai.ee connected with sisakw. Up at Malad JcM summer I saw a rattlesnake going along the road with thirty-six young snakes in tow." "Must have been a polyg," remarked a by-stander. Oh, that wasn't anything; but when j Commercial Agency. Upon subsequently the big snake saw me coming it just j making Mr. Edgin^on's acquaintance the swallowed those thirty-six young snakes, 1 1 J one after the other. " Oto, he in a bottle of the Oil, rubbed it 011 my shoul­ der twice, and in two days rtorgot that I ever had rheumatism. Yes, that is a gimi remedy, and no mistake. They can't say too much in favor of its healing power." The above was uttered by Mr. Edgington while sitting in the porch of the La Gonda House, at Columbus, the other evening, and was overheard by an escaped reporter, who is traveling ov« the oountiy incog. Inquiry developed the fact that Mr. Kdgington is one of the most widely-known men in Kansas, figuring profaiaaanqr in politics, and acting as the respoiuible agent of the Bradstreet MB. MAKBOWFAT was reading an account of tbe musical festival to his wife, in the coarse of which occurred the announcement that Wag­ ner's " Gotterdainmenng'" excited great ap­ plause. "Well," exclaimed Mrs. Marrowfat, greatly shocked, " no wonder New York's such a wicked oity, when folks nay *4 a seat to listen to such profanity.--lh-txMyn Kaglk THET have been raising parsnips in Ohio as much as three feet long. When they raise them as long as six feet they won't be it for anything lews than a Oa&sust appointment.-- lowtll Citizen. CHILDBEX are cored of bed-wetting BY Kid­ ney-Wort. Sold by all druggists. "TAKE that right away," said tbe young man to the waiter, as he pointed to a saucer of whipped cream which had been brought for bis strawberries ; "I did not oome in here to get shaved." Vaiatfi Safe KidaeyaaALiirtr^BN. §The existence of good elingon the pan of the rencn Nation for the peo- pleofthiscountry is shown oy the presentation of a colossal bronxe figure of Freedom holding aloft the torch of 1 .ibertyr Beauty, with usefulness, is com­ bined in this immense Work of art, as the bright, blazing torch will serve the purpose of a beacon light in the harbor of New York. There is another figure which will chal­ lenge larger praise and ad­ miration tlmn even the ?;reat work above reierred 0. K is illustrated here­ with, and represents the njaxl and worthy ST. JACOB, holding aloll in his hand that beacon \\ hiA will guide aright all sailing upon the sea ot life, whose waters abound with tlie *honlsand dan- arerous places of sickness and disease. The light at easts is designed to show Unit ST. JACOBS OH. is ithe true and trusted means of keeping the body on its proj>er course, and of eosing un<l" righting it should it bo unfortunately oust upon tlie shouls of rheumatism or other painful ailments. Thous­ ands of grateftil ones throughout the world have proved the value and felt tlie good ef this tireat «erinnu Uemedy, and are glad to recommend it to all needing the services ef just such a remedy. In this connection Mr. John 8. Briggs, a well known citizen of Omaha, Kelt., told a newspaper man that he was terribly afUictcd with an neute attack of rheumatism in his back. The disease, which had been preying upon him for years had drawn him out of shape. lie resortea to every remedy known to physicians, but found no relief until he tried ST. JACOBS OIL. one bottle of which effected a complete nnd radical cure. Another case may justify reference : A VETERAN SEAMAN'S TItOVIiLE. Editor Intcr-<kmnt C'kicago, JtL; I send you this, feeling that the imoiniatlkni conveyed will be ol material benefit to many of your readers. One of our oldest citizens, Captain C. W. BOynton, the Government Light-house keeper at this point, Is probably one of the oldest seamen in America, having sailed twenty-six years on salt water. After this forto--slx years' service his eyesiyht foiled him and he kept the Light at Chicago r.titil the Government built the tirnss Point Light here, when he was transferred. \Yhile seated in my store this morning tlie Captain volunteered the following written statement: "This is loec-rtiiy that I have been afllicted with rheumatism for twenty (:"ii years, both In my side and limbs. I Am happy to say that, after nslns? less than twobot- tles of the ST. JAOOHS Oil., 1 am entirely free trojiy jxiiii. though still limping somewhat when walk­ ing, from 1<tng force 01 habit, (I. \V. BOYNTON." Inferring to tlie foregoing facts, I might allude to numerous similar eases that have come to my notice, but "a word to the wise is sufficient." JOHN GOKBEL, Pharmacist, Evanston, 1U r f J MB UU BI ALL MHJSUlftTS. YOU >18 MEN aaUun. MtdrMt VALI ••• Wke m Mimi «f RINTERS^ all kiodkef PapOT t •Ml PriaMnit Mai •hoa'd »*dw*»1»0 U38,Cbietco,lil. f A. REED & SONS' QR&U&l | { ?; minim i New Illa-tntad Catai(«iMa. WM, wot &M. Smctet . "Ices. Agente want«$d In ova* coantjr. KEGVS KMl'I.K OK MUSIC, 139 8*u» 8t.,f%rtCA«lo. A V . " >. IH^AI EwtaMlafced 1S§4» Wlllll CoifflissBi lerc^ntt, 11 LIUL Miftiismmssmz?, ww™ ('HK'AUO. % A. ALLEN & CO. Iti'.Ki;aEKCK8--Bankon ad Merclnafa *rner*!ly. [IOWA Half •1111-- Aeres For SAL. 1I; tisa lc«3 R.R.Undf. Cv4*r Rwids. I^wa. 1'uumiv^ I'libk !, •• ;.vi a-: 11 completely cliang* fii'lf tysffia in ihrep moiitha. Anr *111 Is'r.? one pill each »Jg}i»! ">ml toDw««kai rt>«t,or<'.'i to iviiil ltuaHh, i/ ^ a thlnir b* RE Sold •"•ITVW or SENT bv audi lor S1 I. S. JOHNSON f*in< rir Bauw. Me. •if - A •K :,•» V • vA * ? * . *! t 1 ^ • m "•* : tv. •*» ,, ... , ; f , J %•*> t r i *. .' 'i 1 b MAKE HENS LAY. l eriDMT btticeoa and Ckea]M.aitV > V lountrr. aaja that moat ot tli>OM» C, • An I'litcliaU Vet traveUtu; lnihi* LULUTT M) aui". t\-.u i- Po wjers m>ld utM ar*i t bat BharMan's Ooaditlc IT tinrt* una T will m ikr> aeaa POBP. on* t««a »wr; »b«* oraant LOFFSBONAOOUFT AGESTS ff ASTEDtfl Sell tk Liftl If The :i"(un<m»otttl»wa. OaebtaiMrfaftWr Full aodinmt of tb«chootlnff of Jain J. his fxi trait bafnraaad aft«rdteto; plotvnavf On; wife, thf two ehi dm nnd UM IWaom. SMiw „ wll«l(ire. Onr apnt rrpnrti 114 bkI#m ••In>-. \CTIT .itpli it rhi,n< r In auk* MMMT, OutStUc. Address C. B. BRACK A tX)„ Qtfeago. O. 1'i i ? -,\ri 's a good one himself," said out) of the crowd. ; "I did not sea anything surprising in that," continued the Malad man, "but what struck me as curious was that when I c<u>ie to kill that snake, about two minutes afterward, I could not find a solitary young snake inside the big one after cutting it open." "Holy Moses! What a whopper!" they exclaimed, in ;id miration. "But still," responded the story-teller, "I afterward figured -out wliet at first 8! cmed almost inexplicable. Y >u see, after the family l>egan to realize its dan­ ger eighteen of those young ones swal­ lowed an equal number of the others; there is so many out of the way, then nine of those remaining swallowed nine *of the rest. You see its no trouble to explain these things if you only light up tlie mysteries of nature with the lamj» of . reason and intelligence. They kept ; ^um nP right on diminishing the number in ' arithmetical proportion, until there was but one left." "What in the deuce became of that one?" queried one of the group. "Oh, now you've got me; that's what makes my story so remarkable." reporter was assuied thai all he had heard was true, and he was at libartv to use it ia the papei-s.--Oswego (Ka».) fiemoamt. Consideration. Some people, when they are tight, are very considerate. Not long since Gns De Smith, being under the influence of a dinner party, called at the residence of CJol. McSpilkins. •'Ish Col. MoSpilkinsh int I want to ghee him on 'portant Liznish." "Yes, sail," responded the dnsky menial. "Sho heesh in, is he? Well, if heeah in never miud disturbin' him on my account. I'll call again shorn day when heea out." THE St. Paul (Minn.) Globe observes: Things had gone wrong with him, and he wanted to tlie ; yet he had the whole house darting around mighty lively, so we heard, hunting for the St. .Jacobs Oil bottle, when the first twinge of rheumatism gathered IT was a mean man and a Chicago j (igrtirjt who announced the exhibition of SXKATOB SAWYJEB, we are told, was ra well pleased with a dinner prepared en­ tirely by his two daughters that he gave each of them a check for 825,000. The story, of course, is true. At least it has the air of truthfulness about it that is | convincing. It teaches that after a has boai tied some time at a Washington hotel ho is perfectly willing to pay 550,000 for one appetiaiiij; dinner.--- stow* a magnificent piece of sculpture, "The Old Trapper," and then, when a delud­ ed crowd paid their dimes and went in- to the hall, showed them a fine-tooth' oomb of the vintage of 1853.--Burling- tan Hautk-Eyc. " CANT," says Emerson, "Is useful to pro­ voke common sense." It is also useful, with an apostrophe, when a doubtful friend asks you to lend him $5. IxQuiBxm: " What is the most soaroe Amer­ ican coin?" Don't know, sir; dollars are quite scarce enough.--Boston FotL On Thirty l»ay»* Trim. Tbe Voltaic lle!t Co., Marshall, Mich., wfQ •end their Etectro-Voltaic Celts unu other Eleo- tric Appliances on trisl - for thirty days to any person afflicted with Nervous Debility, Lost Vitality and kindred troubles, guaranteeing! complete restoration of vigor and manhood. Aodrees as above without delay. . N. B. --No risk is incurred, as thirty days? trial is allowed. Flic* anil Uugn. Flies, roaches, ants, bedbugs, rats, uiioe. go- ghen^ chipmunks cleared oat by " Uougn on XVXKT Horn should contain Eilert'I Extraol of Tax and Wad Cherry. This > elehrsted remedy will tmrdy cue® Colds, doughs, Croup, Catarrh, Consumption and all Bronchial oomplaints. Common (?<tld# neglected, are the cause of one- i bait the d-etns. Du't wait for sickness to come, { but this day take borne a bottle of Eilert's Ex­ tract of Tar aad Wild Cherry, for it may save the life of a loved one, when delay would be death. Bold by all Druggists, MANHKAH's PETTONIZS® BMFTOHM, tha onhr preparation of beef containing its entire nutri­ tious properties. It contains blood-maidng, force-j.'oneiattng and life sustaining proper­ ties ; invaluf ble for indigestion, dyspepsia, nervous prostration, and all forms of general debility; "Iso, in all enfeebled conditions, whether result of exhaustion, nervous prostra­ tion, overwork or acute disease, particularly if resulting from pulmonary complaints. Cas­ well, Hazard 4c Co., proprietors, New York, bold by druggists. * UXGLK SAH'S CONDITION POWDEB prsvaats disease, purifies tbe blood, .Improves the appe­ tite, gives a smooth and glossy coat ot hair and k<<epa the animal ia good condition. It cures Distemper. Coughs. Cold*, Fevers and most of tbe diseases to waich Horses, Cattle, Sheep, Hogs and Poultry an? subjeol and should be oaod by ererv one owning or having the care at •took. Bold by all Druggists. TBE Frazer Axle Grease is the beet and, in trinnically, the cheapest Dou't work your bonHssto'death l>y using poor axle greatc. Try it. | THE best and cheapest Car Starter is sold by Borden, Selleck & Oo., Chicago, 111 With it oae man can move a loaded car. ^ittebs Among th« aMdictual mean* of arresting dlaaaae, Bottettor1* Stnuds Bitten stand pra-«miii«>t. It ehevlu the farther ptogtem of all disordsrs of the •tamr acb, liver and bowels, revives the vital stamina, prevents and remedies chills and fever, increases the activity ot the kidneys, counteracts a tendency to rheumatism, and Isagemiiaestan endMiMete Seed, tnfin aad MrtM per*na. cr* For sale hysflDt^Mrfsli aai Weal-- a--s"llf. ri O. IIATCPERS, fie to Utt. St nip for IJi O VI riicnlor. Da; Bvos. £ Co„ Baltimcte, Md. ItCfi * w«*k <n r""r wn town. Tnrtns *nd f!i ontBt nee. Arifliew, H. HAIXKVT t Co.. Port.Knd.Me. A BOOK on the proper treatment of tke Throat aa4 I.un^s.bx R.Uontar,ll.D^l<JS Stuto St .ChloaSu./rM <170 A WEEK. tUada^athomeeaftihrmade. Ooetty Vie outfit free. Addruss TBDK A Co., August*. )h StiyMKH BO^RD! tVsrfa'ty funry. Ail nhWBdealeis. ,t>C. P. O. B- * '.ti.s, N Y. $5 to $20 A^drafs STIJiSo^f8o!TPwt£jS,SS | fire. G. W. ilUtatlAM .V ir.Uui, Mi flfonthtn* Habit Cnrrnm la IS Ut Nnpuy tsjl Cesred. i>H. J. jL^UUUUU. UillAe Tar the new brand, Spring Tobacea EVKKY lady who shops by mail should send ait stamps for a copy of Straw- yk>thier's Qitarterly. The present ains 1,000 t ngraviugs, illustrating ions, and four pages of new music. Clothier, Eighth and Market bridge nnmber c the new f Straw bri'l ' HOW TO SECURE HEALTH. It is strange any omgrill enfTcr from deraogemeiits BI inifhton by impure blood, when SCOVILIJ'S SARSA- PARILLA ANU STILLIKGIA, or BLOOI) AND fjVEK SYliUr, will restore tilth to tlie physical or- gxniKaticn. It is « strengthening syrup, pleasant to tak«, and the BUST BLOOD PURIFIER ever disrontwl, emirs Sctoiula, tjiiirl tic disordura. Weakness of tho Kidney*. Eryiipo as, Muhtria, Kervons dtm^ers. Debit- tfy. Bilons compii^ints, and D it eases of the Blood, Liver, ItiilLej*. 8t.-ra-.cu, KVn. etc. BAKER'S PAIN PANACEA cures pais la nan and be-.*t ; DR. ROGER'S WORM SYRUP iusUntly das troys WORMS. . SPiUlM *pE^TS WANTER- OO be« 1 tKKiu.t ro.,twa ! t9VQ«lVE£Ka£'0- V,rrlu»T Otro.. i UKS, 1.1VERY PHYSIf!fA«f. t-« frt tbe hhlvwt ar.d l«-f, J s .ould Uwsum t.ir Vitauut • c ^>>ti iu, s:.<1 itrsdaate iu iti« AUKHIi .t.N it R.» f.'t'M Ji. AflO.efw it# fir r tinati. O. AGENTS WANTED FOR THE H!ST0RY°™«LD tWv >>!' iim ifvit i'Rd aodmi t:u»es fadee-lMCa sP1; lory tlx* and fall of (he Oi Rmi , tun r«f Ibe New World, -to., ete It eon:sins «$';>' tins hlstoriealeoawleafcaad Is pires. tho middle ana, the tiua, tho dbeoteo aad Most H iJoty of the Wortd over lend for sDoo-msi! pwri and eatm terns to Aasats. _ NATIORAI, Ptnujamaa Oo- Ckiiseew IS O i ' ;j I ot ^ LYDIA E. PINKHAIfft VEG5TABLE C0MP0UK3X , '* Io a Positive Cure •"< We aoeomuoB to oar best ftnsw fspalatla* KwiUcure entirely tho worst ton of I'omaloO pUint-s all ovarian troubles. Inflammation end UkeeW , -- : ; tton Foiling and Wsrlscemects, and tho • ' f* S®ES^W K I'K can ba made in any locality. » Bpinal Wc&kness, and Is particularly i ; eyy Somethijw entirely n.^w fir ^ents. S5 outftt c^ar.sre THRESHERS- » The fit iit Pirated price Haft , tree. TOR AULTMAN A TAYUIR OO.. Manstlold.O. tAMY t'AHTVA SSERN wvnted in every tovnto J nel! our M Cof.ot ml Inso'w. (.'.o ; com* UMIOIM riUwed. Imi •>« st-tnip uir Ifin - !A\tU NKTON APP1.U1SUK CO . '.is .>!»»# On e ijo. npi i iM'" ||| j || |f |sgegily cure SENT KRRE. Dh MOKPHIXE Treatise on their Clutr-sTB cf Life- ft VT.n dissolve and espeJtmuorsfwmtSx* ea eeriy stbge of dereJopsBect. Tte tendse^1 tc CM> Oerous hmcontlcrois cLcckcd very speedily kylfesnefc It removes faictoess, fistaleney, «l«stre^»all raiavlajf fbrst'muliuits, aad retieves weaktess of the etoeeA, It cures Bloatinc. Ke-idschee, Serroos Frwtrltlea. Qcnt:ol Detility, 8Jsepl^»n««, Deeressioo and I tint fec'ing ofheartwdown,e«Bte» pala,^ and baciacLe, Is always permanently eared byttswfe It T.-Ul at ail ifcies and under all drcmastaaeoeertia hartnosy wl.'t; the l»*s tfcat poTero the (tnalt^lln For tho cured Kidney Comptatote of < Oocupor.nd Is ur-sarpaascd- tTDIA E. PIXKUA3W rOCXOls prepoxed at X3 and OS WMcra Aval I^cn,lfcss. PrUeJl. Sixbottl«4tor£«»fcy« lathe form of pills, also inthe form eCl reoeipt of price, Si per bos for either. frorljacsvore aU letters of inquiry. Seed for peavh- let. Address as above. JCmHon IMs Atper. |ti-> fsun'.lr fii-xild t>« withoet 1.YOIAE. PCSH1M UV£A I'll'-' They eaxe ennsHfWea, luHoiasMe^ aad torpidity of the aver. Metals par box. SS~ 8ald by all Drasgiaia. -BI , •'•fj lojrsnaK,P.O.Box ISS.Cnioagy^H. PT5QT TPTG TREE BKAX (Newt-Best in cnltl. * AW vatlcn. Knnrmonsly product>»e. Every l'\ rumr and Gardener sboald nave them 5W Cents I>er packet. A. D. HCSON, 8heboygmn Falls, Wis. TRUTHS ail »>U. br M aMSa'aWI IMukl ML^Mr.anlaettttScr tcastf XHJUl.S WK1TIJXU T® AUYEariSlUtik • e vltiur eay yaa. aaw the' aaverthMeaeata •ncs beverage. / ; ^ a; :