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-• VV;* ' u - THK FAULT-DEMON. Py* seen » whl -• ob>d m*ldea, ? s, wM Bdirtfi cold hair lidcn, ' IP lwsvy-birrdeil-U bodv A *he cn'd ||k £M to** a wife I tack raven.' v ' frtcegcr andsomavei, ^ . ^knd bid liiniselt all b.lent in her fahr sold hair. „ When «ho crUd, 'Thru mt^bch-xTenl" ; r"/" *Tkw"Hl't the wi d dart raven, •*!•»- find *11 her tedi tii lire Ik only Mid "CawI* ' ' •* • Yet Mite on herplmol'lfr, ' 'ihls l'rar» b'rck hi d-tx>wlder, And m«md not-, would not 1 carta her, for pa­ tience or lor law. el' »§?8 Now, on h*r tomb w»< gravse I 'A Maidht of the SflfMi, jiWho re-red tiom horlongt.rcssi T o m * s a i d t h a i I t « a < t r i t e Gave thA bir-1 fo long a rule." Vat he left h<r when thj chnrch bell rang so- swonwljr. --ROM hawthorns Latlirop. • ,3, <,vj« BKAUTV THAT WILL. LAS% Qtve me fcesn'y but. will lest >• Af>c y«n h'» bright years i re pw*. ttfr* r > nmmer rife* lade From the cheek< of man and maid. |' Pom°thng finer than the »<«e ©f the <-ye 8 most perfect blue, Or'»v< untitle, witching-hiae Of the black orbs mostdlvtna Let it be the qnenehleFS ry J*orn of kindi ess the' will stsjr ;"j When the oolor we udmiie Shall have lost its transient fixe. •. , Fe-telrss rha m>. thata-e not lost., V hen th > har is iomh»d by frost* "* When the tunowrd lines of ca e if ' Made the bit w that cnce was fair.'j 1- •, __ ,c&' ' what at*-the Tp* of ruby red 1 hat no kindly word* "svesaid? •;< Wh-«t i re hrn-r-sa* white *» sn-w v. ' * That hare dene no Rood bel w? ; . , What the fair a d piwefnl form That ensh-ine*no spi-it wurm? Mo iond hea t th t sra'teis wide SraOes and «n?ishin« o er life's tid||t < ^ Priceless beanty o'the soul! •' , TMM shall livewhile a re* roll,1 . : t' And therein beam love and grace , Like unto an an^ei'a t&r.e. Give *« beenty Wat will last Af er yowh's trlent year* arepastf After joy, an'l care, and j»in Like the «nnshin! atter .ain. --Mr*. At. A. Kidder. gentleman wished to sea hha, at the same time handing him the visitor's card. "Inspector Potto, of the oity polios T exclaimed Mr. Doubleehin with a start as he rubbed his eyes. "A poliee officer? Blesa my soul! What can I;c want, I wonder," ejaculated Mrs. Doubleehin, looking alarmed, while her daughters raised a chorus of inquiries. "I can't E MR. OCUBLECHIM'S ESCAPE. Mr. Doubleohin -was one of those in­ fatuated o'd gentlemen who imagine themselves ladv-killera. Ho was stout and elderly, with a bald head and a fatuous smile. He had a wife and a family of grown tip daughters, and in t|ie domestic circle he was a model of a ataid and respectable paterfamilias. The fact was that he was kept in ex­ cellent order at home, and was dread­ fully henpecked and bullied. But be­ ing a business man he escaped from the thraldom of domestic discipline for oeveral hours every day, and be availed himself of his liberty to indulge in mild flirtations whenever an opportun­ ity occurred. If h&met a pretty girl in a railway iniin or about the streets, he would tilt his hat over his eye and look unfJtterablv wicked. "But the ohief objects of his gallant attentions were the young ladies who presided at the refreshment bars of the < ity res taurants where Mr. Doubleohin was ac- Otisi omed to take bis midday meals. He might have been discovered any day Jbetwe^n 12 and 2 o'clock perched on a three legged stool, ogling and flirting wi'h some fair IJel>e Mho ministered to his creatnro comforts. To be sure, tlx •re *iw nothing very singular in his Conduct in this respect, for a great Riuiiv elderly gentlemen who are fondly teu.'iix d by their wives and daughters to 1* immersed in business all day, ftnd leisure for this form of amusement. 'i here was one yonng latly in partic­ ular whom Mr. Doublet-bin honored by Ma plak/Tiic admiration. She M as the rsi'ling deity at a quiet refreshment in H city thorougafare which shall be n imeless. {suffice it to say that Mr. 10 wiiidB ••Ifr ifllilI'I hiii found his way there very often, and spent a good deal of his time at the feet of his ensiayer. He called her by her Christian name, and conversed with her on terms of pleas­ ant familiarity. She was rather a apri^ht'y young lady, with a taste for practical joking, but she had always been tender and sympathetic in her de­ meanor toward Mr. Doubleehin, who imagined he had made quite a conquest. One day he brought out of his pock- «t a ring belonging to his wife which he "was taking to the jeweler's for some trifling repairs. To do Mr. Doubleehin justice, 1-e had never attempted to pass himself off as a single man, bat talked freely of his wife and family at every restaurant he frequented. Mi>;s Ktubbs for instance--that was the name of this particular cliarmer--knew of every­ thing that went on in Mr. Doulechia's domestic circle, including the price of his wife's new set of false teeth, and his hopes of getting one of his daughters married to the curate. On this occa­ sion he handed the ring to Miss St abbs for inspection, and explained that it •was one of the presents given his wife during their courtship. Miss Stubbs went into exstacies of admiration over it, and ended by slipping it On. her fin- ger. "It is quite lovely!" she exclaimed. Y "It certainly looks very we;l on your •dear little band, Emmy," said Mr. Dou- i Mecliin. >"f "Oh, indeed! "What would you say w, if 1 couldn't get it off my dear tie hand?" remarked Miss Stubbs, Ofchly. "Would you like a ring to wear as a little keepsake, Emmy?" said Mr. Dou- Mecliin. lowering his voice, and looking as tender as possible. - "A bird in the hand, you know," re­ ed the young lady, still admiring e ornament. "Besides, I really can't t it off--honor bright. Try your- •elf!" It certainly was a tight fit, as Mr. , Doubleehin discovered when he at­ tempted to remove it. But the truth Was, he did not try very hard. The pleasure of holding Miss Stubbs1 hand petween his own, and the beseeching glance she bestowed upon him, proved too much for his strength of mind. Af . ter a moment's hesitation he gave her hand a parting pqueese of the tenderest 'description, and abandoned thie ring to r. He felt a twinge of remorse aud asiness, but Miss Stubbs' profuse ks overcame his scruples, nnd he nsoled himself with the reflection iat he could buy liij wife a better ring place of ibis one. Fortunately for m his wife waa npt addicted to timent, end when Mr. Doubleehin xplained that lie*had parted with her Id ring in part payment^ of a nev and isjnore valuable one, she raised no objec­ tions and expressed no regrets. Shortly after this Miss Stnbbi sud- '"-gjlenly left her situation, and disap- Vjjbeared .from the shrine where Mr. J)oul)lechin had been accus'oined to or-sliip her. He bore her departure ith equanimity, and speedily attached liiniself to some other lady of equal '^jacinationij and attractions. The inci- \ jpeat of the ring passed from his mind Completely, until he was unpleasantly :„;,.*en»inded of it some months after in the vjliispollowiug manner. •JJF!-;^T He was seated in the snug »>itting- Jcooiu in Iris villa at Balham one evening ter dinner with his wife and daughter^, . > "When the servant announced that a m imagine," observed Mr. Doubleohin in a great fluster, as dread­ ful thoughts of his safe at the office having been rifled flashed across his mind. "Show the gentleman in, Eliza," he added, pulling himself together. The inspector made his appearance a moment afterward, and turned out to be an odd-looking little man in private clothes. He saluted the ladies with a bow, and turned to Mr. Doubleohin: "Sorry to trouble you, sir," he said in a business like tone, "but I was in atracted to call and ask if you know a ytmng woman named Emily Stubbs ?" "Do you, Joseph?" inquired his wife, sharply, as Mr. Doubleehin gave a palpable start, and turned the color of a boiled lobster. "Never heard the name before in my life," he gasped, in desperation. '"So we expected, sir. May I ask if you recognize this?" said the officer, producing a ring wrapped in a piece of tissue-paper, and holding it out for in­ spection. . "Why, Joseph! I do declare it is my old ring!" interposed Mrs. Doubleehin, in accents qf unfeigned surprise. , **Oh! pOor! Nonsense, my love 1" exclaimed her husband, scenting seri­ ous danger in the air, and seeking to look unconcerned. "My dear Joseph, I should know it among a thousand. Why, here is the atone that I chipped! It is nonsense to pretend that you don't recognize it," said Mrs. Doubleehin with a glance of ^sudden suspicion. "Of course, my dear, you know beat," said Mr. Doubleehin, trembling with apprehension and vague misgivings. "How did you come by it ?" inquired his wife, addressing the inspector. . "A young party, giving the name of Emily Stubbs, attempted to pawn it, but was, detained. On being asked to account for it, she said it was given to her by this gentleman," answered the inspector, with a glance at the unhap­ py Mr. Doubleehin, "and I was sent to make inquiries." "Never heard of the woman in my life," asseverated Mr. Doubleehin, put­ ting on a bold front and facing hia wife's scrutinizing gaze. "It is very singular," remarked Mrs. Doubleehin, while her daughters ex­ changed glaaces. "What sort of a per­ son is this--this creature, inspector?" "A very ordinary sort of a young person, I believe, ma'am; but I haven't set eyes on her, myself," said the in­ spector. with a sidelong glance at Mr. Doubleehin. "How did she get hold of your name, Joseph ?*' demanded his wife. •'She had got it pat enaugh, cer­ tainly," interrupted the inspector. "How the deuce am I to know?" re­ turned Mr. Doubleehin, quite fiercely. "Well, sir," said the inspector, taking possession of the ring again and replac­ ing it in his pocket, "I was bound to make inquiries, of course. If we had believed the young woman's story, I should havenot comedown here. I shall have to ask you to attend at the Man­ sion house to-morrow morning, at 11 o'clock." "Why?" asked Mr.--Doubleehin un­ easily. "The young woman will be brought up for not being able to give a satisfac­ tory account of the ring. If she insists on her story, your being there may save a remand," explained the inspector. "We may have to put you in the wit­ ness-box, sir." "Very well," returned Mr. Double­ ehin, faintly, while beads of perspira­ tion broke out upon his brow. The inspector made another bow aud backed out of the room. Mrs. Double- chin sat with her eyes fixed upon her husband's face and never uttered a word until the slamming of the hall door reverl^erated through the house. Upon this Mr. Doublecliiu immediately jump­ ed out of his chair, with the evident in­ tention of rushing after the inspector. "Stay here, Joseph," said his wifa in a very peremptory manner. "My dear, I wisli to speak to the in­ spector," he ventured to say, mildly. "You can have nothing more to say to him. I want to know the meaning of this, Joseph," said his wife, in an awful voice. Mr. Doubleehin was so cowed and terrified by this aspect of his helpmate that he plumped back into his easy chair, and faced her like a stag at bay. For ten minutes by the clock he was subjected to a vigorous and searching cross-examination, the drift of which p'ainly showed that his wife was not deceived by hia denial. But he was f.iirly desperate, and his story was too simple to entrap him into mistakes He stoutly avered that he had sold the ring to the "ewelers, and bad never ret eyes on Emily Stubbs. To this, unve- rucious statement he persistently clung, and wisely did not at empt to offer any suggestion of how his name came to be mentioned. His wife was fain to drop the subject for the moment from sheer helplessness, but the expression on her face warned him that she would return to the charge. Meanwhile, however he was thankful for the respite, which he took advantage of to endeavor to collect his ideas and realize the situation. But his reflec­ tions only served to lurn his uneasiness into another channel. From what the inspector had said, it waa c!ear<jtbat he held poor Emily Stubbs' fate in the hollow of his hand. If he denied giv­ ing her the ring, she would proliably be convictecT of coming by it dishonestly Of course, this was out of the question, bnt, on the other hand, it would never do to rnn the risk of his guilty secret reaching his wife'« ears. He felt con­ vinced that if the case eame into court she would be sure to hear of it, and he shuddered to think of her furious r*ge and indignation when she learned that he had deceived her. It naturally oc­ curred to him tha1. if he had seeu the inspector in private all of this nn pleasantness might have been averted, and then it struck him that it might not be too Lite to remedy the evd Glancing at his watch he perceived that the inspector might still be waiting at. the station for t.'io Loudon train, and he might easily have a talk with and set matters straight before harm ha'l been done. Mr. Doubleehin took heart at idea, but perc ived tha'. he must be cautious, for. if his wife suspected his errand, she wt,u!d be i»rettv snre to put difliculties in his way. He therefore did his best to look cheerfully indilTer ent, and presently sa d. in u oasual way "Mv dear, it is warm indoors to night" "Beallv ?" ejaculated his wife, in a tone which would have ohilled a re­ frigerator. "Yes. I--I t-liink I will go and smoke a cigar outside for ten nonntea," said Mr. Doubleehin, jauntily. "Nonsense, Joseph. You don't stir outside this house to-night. You were complaining of a cold at dinner-time; it would be suicidal to expose yourself to the air." His wife's answer waa reasonable enough; but it was her tone rather than her words which convinced Mr. Double- chin that he must abandon his design. For the remainder of the evening he sat in his arm chair in a state of mental perturbation wkiclv defies deception, shrinking guiltily whenever he en­ countered his wife's gaze, and feeling more and more unequal to the situation. Under these circumstances it may easily be imagined that poor Mr. Doubleehin passed a sleepless night. His wife, to be sure, affected to believe that he was utterly incapable of the meanness and wickedness of giving presents--and especially that particu­ lar ring--to a young woman. But the vehemence of his asseverations plainly showed that they were not based upon conviction, and Doubleehin groaned when he thought of the life that was in store for him if the truth was to come out. Scarcely less apalliug wW the prospect of be«g forced, in self- defense, to give false evidence against an innocent person, which involved a charge of perjury should his perfidy be discovered. The only way out of the difficulty which he could devise was to start early for town the next morning, and endeavor, by meana of bribery, to hush up the case and obtain the unlucky girl's release. This resolve comforted him a little, and enabled him to snatch an hour or two of troubled slumber In the morniug he got up the moment he was called, and in the midst of his shaving operations he remarked carelessly a3 possible: "My dear, I wish to catch the 8:25 this morning. I am very busy at my office." "We shall have plenty of time," re­ turned his wife. "Did--did you say 'we,' my dear?" asked poor Mr. Doubleehin, with a start. "Yes, Joseph, I am curions to hear the end of this extraordinary case," said his wife with emphasis. Mr. Doubleehin was so startled bv this announcement that he inflicted "a severe gash upon his chin, which, at' least, served to cover his confusion. His wife's intention of accompanying him to court meant that she Would dis­ cover everything. It was useless to struggle against fate, for he guessed in­ stinctively that she would not suffer him to leave her side and get the chance of carrying out his little plans. So utterly disheartened did he feel that it was only sheer cowardico which pre­ vented liim from making a clean breast of his iniquities. Luckily for him, how­ ever, he did not do so; and if the truth were known it is probable that his stolid air of gloomy resignation which was entirely due. to skent despair, passed muster for calm equanimity. Toward the end of. the journey to town, however, he began to manifest visible symfoms of extreme uneasiness. The near the approach of the ordeal which he dreaded was proving too much for his nerves. When the train reached the London terminus he was seized with a frenzied desire to get bis wife out of the way--for an hour, at all events. It was absolutely his last and only chance of avoiding the dire catastrophe which threatened him, and desparation spurred his inventive spirit, with brilliant results. Turning to his wife he said as calmly as he could summon up: "I think I had better put you into a cab. my dear. I must positively run 'round to my office first." "Where am I to go to, th$n ?" inquired hi* wife, guardedly. "To the Mansion house, and ask for Inspector Potts. I will join you in a few minutes." The suggestion was so natural and plausible that Mrs. Doubleehin appar­ ently did not doubt his good faith. She suffered him to lead her to a han­ som cab, and took her seat inside it. "Where to, sir?" inquired the cab­ man. "To the Mansion House," said Mr. Doubleehin loudly, so that his wft could hear ; "and," he addid with in­ tense earnestness, an he lowered his voice, "for heaven's sake go by way of Hampstead and High gate!" By way of where ?" gasped the cab­ man. Here," said Mr. Doubleehin, putting a couple of sovereigns into the man's hand. "The lady wants to go to the Mansion Houses but you mustn't get, there for a couple of hours. Do you see?" A wink, mere eloquent than words, convinced Mr. Doubleehin that the cab man had grasped his meaning. When his wife had disappeared from view he sped like an arrow from the bow in the direction of the Mansion House, and never stopped till he had gaspingly ask$d for Inspector Potts. The rest of the story is soon told. It turned out that there was no such per­ son as Inspector Potts, and Mr. Double- chin then realized that he had been hoaxed. At first he was furious with rage aad indignation, bnt he calmed down aftar awhile; and when his wife at length made her appearance, looking very pale and agitated, in consequence of the cab-horse having, as she inno­ cently believed, ran away, and borne er to a distant part of the metropolis, he forgave his enemy on the spot. Mrs. Doubleehin suffered herself to be easily oonvinced of the truth of her lord's representations, and returned home in a subdued aud apologetic frame of mind. As for Mr. Doubleehin, he wisely resolved to profit by the legion he had received, and to make no more presents to young lady acquaint­ ances ; but' to this day he has been un­ able to ascertain which of his stock ex­ change colleagues personated the soi- disnn-t Inspector Potts, though he soota discovered to his cost that the joke was generally known in "the house."--Lon­ don, Ti ulh. him any this Wnskal Item. "Miss Esmerelda Longcoffin is a most beautiful young lady. I wonder why she hasn't go' married long a<?o?" "Tkere is nothing strange about that. She don't know how to play on <ha piano" , '•Well, t*here are plenty women; who can't piny on the piano, lliatshe can't play on the piano is no drawback." "Yes, but my dear, Bir, you don't quite understand me. Although she can't play on the piano, she ia ever lastingly trying to. That's what scares the yonng mon off. it's worse than listening to a man sawing wood.-- Tescaa Sifting*. A TROUT was recently caught in Grand Lake, Maine, which had in ita stomach an nndiiUHted unirreL -- r: .r- 1: • THE AXIKALS THAT LAU&H. Birds and Beaata Which Have Their Jokes and Sorr wt. Two essentials are needed in order to piodnCe the physical phenomenon of laugllter in man. First--facial, vocal o^ other muscles, including^the dia­ phragm, and, second, the emotions or ideas which give rise to laughter. Certain animals possess both these es­ sentials. The gorilla possesses the fa­ cial muscles, and Darwin elaims that various monkeys have them. All the mammalia, in common with man, have the diaphragm, which is capable of rapid relaxation and contraction as well as spasmodic action. The chim­ panzee is said to smile. The smile of the titi monkey is a playful one. The dog can both smile and grin, whether affection or pleasure, hypocrisy or cun­ ning dictate. Dogs distinguish the difforent kinds of laughter, they note the distinction between that which is good hnmored and that which is sar­ castic. They are sensitive to ridicule, yet not unfrequently try to produce laughter in man, and deep is their mor­ tification if they fail. Romanes tell ns of a Skye terrier that tried to amuse his master and provoke his laughter by certain tricks it had taught itself, and was sulky if its efforts proved fruitless. An orang-outang in the London Zoological Gardens showed every sign of pleasure when its practic­ al jokes excited men's laughter, and Rev. Dr. Wood records the instance of a tame jackdaw who enjoyed the fun of boys' games like leap-frog and tag as much as the boys did themselves. The parrot is a capital laugher. He langhs at his own practical jokes. White, of Selbourne, speaks of the heartiness of laughter in the wood •pecker A pet magpipe of Jesse's, he says in that incomparable "HistAry of Selbourne." had a laugh that was so hearty, joyous and natural that no one who heard it could help joining in it Theie are tales of certain swallows who, on the successful issue of a prac tical joke playod by them on a cat, seemed each to set up a laugh at the disappointed enemy very like a laugh of a young child when tickled. There is a certain hyena which, from the peculiarity of its cry, is styled the laughing hyena, and, in Australia, there is a bird--a king fisher--which called, for a similar reason, the laugh­ ing jackass. Its notes strongly resem- •bie a rude, powerful laugh. The great African traveler, Livingstone, speaks of the African brown ibis, whose cry is aloud ha-ha-ha! As it is true that certain animals possess the physical qualifications for laughter, so, also, is it correct that tkey possess all the apparatus for shedding tears, The dog, hcrse, elephant, bear, ra^, donkey, mule, various deer, soko, chimpanzee, mandrill, titi and other monkeys or apes, cattle, camel and giraffe shed tears under emotions of grief and sorrow. The parrot does not shed tears, but possesses a kindred power of sobbing. Chimpanzees will weep at dread of punishment, monkeys and elephants on account of mortifica- cation and disappointment, the Cinga­ lese elephant on account of captivity and confinement, the titi from fear, terror or fright, the stag at bay And caged rat from despair, certain monkeys because they are pitied, and the youn * soko, savs Dr. Livingstone, out of mere pettishness or non-compliance with his whims. f Mrs. Burton says she had seen, in the Syrian Desert,' tears roll down camels' cheeks, with thirst." Some one speaking of a mule crippled by a two-inch nail in his foot: "His f»ce was the picture of pain and dispafr: Tears streamed out of his eyes." Dr. Livingstone re­ cords an instance of a young soko, which, if not taken up in tiie arms like a child when it desired, and appealed to be so carried, engaged in the most human-like weeping. Dr. Boerlage shot a female (mother) ape, in Java, that fell, mortally wounded, from a tree clasping the young one in her arms, she died weeping. A giraffe, wounded by a rifle shot, was also found to have tears trickling from the lashes of his dark, humid eyes. Gordon Cumming, the African traveler, speaks of large tears trickling from the eyes of a dying elephant. Some old rats, finding a young one dead by drowning, wiped the tears from their eyes-with their fore paws, says the Animal Worlds Instances might be enumerated with­ out limit to show that certain animals #have both the physioal requirements for grins and tears, and are susceptible to the .same emotions that cause tears and langhter in men.--Cincinnati Enquirer. - Getting at the Exact Truth. As a matter ot fact, nobody ever makes larger allowances for the people, in the estimate of their veracity, than the scientific inquirer. Knowing him­ self, by painful experience, how ex­ tremely difficult a matter it is to make perfectly sure you have observed any­ thing on earth quite correctly, and have eliminated all possible chances of error, he acquires the fixed habit of doubtinp about one-half of what his fellow-creatures tell him in ordinary conversation, without for a single mo­ ment venturing to suspect them of de­ liberate untruthfulness. Children and servants, if they find anything they have been told is erroneous, immediate­ ly jump at the conclusion that the per­ son who told them meant deliberately to deceive them. In their own simple and categorical fashion they answer promply: "That's a lie." But the man of science is only too well acquainted in his own person with the exceeding difficulty of ever getting at the exact truth. He has spent hours of toil, himself, in watching and observing the behavior of some plant, or animal, or gas, or metal; and after repeated ex­ periments, carefully designed to ex- elude all possibility of mistake, so far aa he can foresee it, he at last believes he has really settled some mooted point, and triumphantly publishes his final conclusions in a scientific journal. Ten to one, the very next number of the journal contains a dozen supercili­ ous letters from a dozen learned and half-salaried professors, each pointing out a dozen distinct and separate pro- cautions which the painstaking observ< r neglected to take, and any one of which would be qnite sufficient to vitiate the whole body of his observations. There might have been germs in the tube in which be boiled the water (germs are very fashionable just at present), or some of the germs might have sur­ vived and rather enjoyed the boiling; or they might have adhered to the un­ der surfac e of the crock; or the mix­ ture might have been tampered with during the exrerimetitor's temporary ab ence by the son, aged ten years (scientific observers h»ve no right, ap­ parently, to hare sons of ten years old, except, perhaps, for purposes of psycho­ logical research); and so forth, ad in­ finitum. And the worst of it all is that the unhappy experimenter ia bound himself to admit that every one 'of the objections is perfectly valid, and that he very likely never really saw what with perfect confidence he thought and said he had seen.--Cornhill Magasme. „ . The Little Vem tirens* "Ah! good morning," said a brisk, nattv little fellow, walking right in on the "Topics of the Time" serf, and trip­ ping highly over a cuspidor, "I repre­ sent the Little GemOircos." "We have thrown off on circuses." snapped the serf. "These grand con­ catenations" "We have not got a single concatena­ tion. We don't carry them any more. They are altogether to common. In fact, we are drawing our circus very mild this season." "Why, haven't you got 15,000 feet of venomous serpents?" "Not a foot--not even a dead garter snake in a bolt to of alcohol. Boa con­ strictors and pythons are out of style." "Don't you advertise three miles of golden chariots, headed by nineteen silver-plated bands, a steam calliope, a galaxy of Circassian beauties, sixteen educated stallions, a bass drum with two heads, a dozen eighty-one ton elephants and twenty-six limber-joinfed acrobats on bicycles?" "No'O, no," answered the advance agent, with a sickly smile hovering in the corners of his mouth. "We drive into town with an old lumber wagon and a trotting sulky. Our elephant. Henry Ward Beecher, died last season of hay fever and our beauty eioped with one of the canvas men. We have got a pretty middling good snare drum­ mer, and a Bohemian with a flute lip who blows the fife. That is our band." "Of course you have the wonderful gigantic Bovolapus which sweats blood, and disembowels camel-leopards." "Well, no, you see our Bovolapus was ill last fall, and was laid up in the Marine Hospital for six weeks. He finally escaped by chewing up the hos­ pital steward, three guards and the physician on night watch. But he was never the same Bovolapus afterwards; he drooped, pined away, and one morn­ ing we found him dead in the horse tent." "You don't seem to have many at­ tractions, that's a fact. Of course you have the wittiest clowns in the world ?" "Clowns! O, no, sir. Only one clown, and he is a bhmol fool--a regular howling idiot. Some of his old jokes are covered with cobwebs, and besides that he is blind in one eye, knee sprung in the left leg, and dying with consump­ tion. I hardly expect he will live to get here with the show. But it will be a small loss." "Of course you have three rings?" "On the contrary, we have only half a ring. We send the old plug of a pad horse half way around a circle, and there is a turn-table at the end, like a single track car line. We then head him the other way, build a fire under him, and he jogs back on a slow trot." "I don't see what you can want with the assistance of au influential newspa­ per like ours," said the " * #pics of the Time" man. "You do not seem to want to advertise anything, or rather you do not appear to have anything to adver­ tise." "Advertise! Death on a cream, horse, no! What I came in *for is to see how much you felldws will take to stay away from the show and say nothing about it. Name your figures, and if they are any­ where between a sour toddv and sixty dollars, I'll cash right in. Can we trade?" The "Topics" man was thus easily corrupted, but it was noticed by the managing editor that when he returned from a trip round the corner in com­ pany with the advance agent, he was full of inspiration, and it required the whole force to restrain him fn#m giving the Little Gem Circus a preliminary write up.--Texas Sifting*. Wonderful Towers. The ancient city of Pisa, Italy, is fa­ mous for its lofty and magnificent structures, some of which have very in­ teresting histories. None of them, however, is so wonderful as the cele­ brated leaning tower. This building was commenced in 1174 by a Pisa archi­ tect, named Bonanna, by William of Innspruck. It is of cylindrical form, 179 feet high, 50 feet in diameter, and leans 12 feet 9 inches from the per­ pendicular. It consists of eight, stories, each of which has an outside gallery projecting from it. From the summit, which is roached by several hundred steps a beautiful and extensive view may be had of the surrounding country. The misconstruction was discovered before the tower was finished, and the npper tiers were so shaped as to partly counteract the arcutation. At the top of the. tower seven immense bells were so placed as, by their weight, to coun­ terbalance the leaning of the tower. The highest tower in the world is at Cremona, in Northern Italy: it is 396 feet high. It was begun in 1*283, and the bells which are in it were cast in 1578. An astronomical clock, made in the year 1594, is placed in the third story. The Florentine campanile was com­ menced in 1334, by Giotto, the great painter, architect and sctllptor. He commenced the erection of the tower with the determination to surpass all the ancient structures of this kind, both in height and in richness of design. But Giotto having died in 133(5. the tower was completed by Taddeo Gi'ddi. Its height is 276 feet, and it is divided into four tiers. It is of equal dimen­ sion from bottom to top, and is built in the Italian Gothic style. On the base­ ment floor there are two rows of tab­ lets in relief; they are the work of Giotto. There are also many beautiful statues on the upper tier. It was the original design of Giotto to have a spire surmount the present tower. And the columns which were to support it may still be seen at the top of the building. The famous tower known as Giralda is situated at Seville, Spain. This tower, when originally built by Philip Guevara, the Moor, was only 250 feet high. But in 15t>& a magnificent bejfry 1(K) feet high was added, and it is now the second highest in the world. This oampanile was call Giralda becaunc of the brazen weathercock in its top story Although the fignre weighs over a ton and a half it is easily turned by the wind. It is said that a very fine onmpanile was situated at Salisbury, England. It is supposed to have been 200 feet high, and was probably destroyed by Sir Thomas Wyatt, the younger, while leading an insurrectionary mob.-- Christian at Work. "ACGU8T08." she said, "Why is there so much confusion in that store?" know not, dearest," hd simpered, "i.„ less it is caused by that bustle in the window." THK manufacture ef perfumes from grown flowers is becoming an exten­ sive industry in Florida. Mr. Jones F ads a Bog; There appeared a few days ago In ft number of the city papers the follow­ ing notice : " oand, ado*; wflj be fh-erfnlly r-aterod to tt» owner if said owner wH Identity the doe. and l av damn.es. Address, Jeptha i. Jonts, C avenue. The way Jones came by the dog was this: He was on his way home when he first noticed the animal dogging his steps, and as he is naturally fond of dogs and has three boys growing up, it seemed that he was just the man for a lost dog to tie to. So he encouraged it by a few gentle words and when be opened his hall door it slid in after him and stood coolly waiting till he turned on the gas in the hall lantern and 11 "No," SAID a man who applied 1 nr. nlo naw T...1 il -- * _ looked at his new possession. Just then Mrs. J ones appeared, saw the dog and prepared to go one better. "Where on earth did it come from?" she asked, with that horrOr of all dogs which is her habit. "That's what I would like to know," said Jones as the animal pushed up against him and growled at Mrs. J. "It's a French poodle," said Jones whose knowledge of canine history had been obtained mostly from Willie's oc­ casional pets, "and a-white one at that; wliere's the string?" "What string, Maria?" "Why, the leading string. It's the kind of dog a woman or a blind man always leads by a string," $ "Nonsense." grumbled Jones; "it's a fine imported dog, and if no one adver­ tises for it we'll keep it. Why, you conld sell that dog for $50 any time." That reconciled Mrs. Jones to the <3°g» and she made a mental memoran­ dum of what ahe Conld buy with the purchase money. The dog did not take kindly to the family, however, but sulked under the sofa in the library until bed time, and* no amount of coaxing could get him out. So it was decided to leave the dog where he was for the night. When they left it alone it barked furiously, and Mrs. Jones suggested that perhaps it had been accustomed to attendance, and Mr. Jones ought, to sit up with it-- a sarcasm Jones pretended not to hear. In the dead hour of night there was a fearful crash down stairs. It's burglars!" shrieked Mrs. Jenea, stuff ng a pillow into her mouth. Then a long melancholy howl. "It's that dog-gone dog," said Jones. "He may go hang for all me," and he tried to go to sleep. So did Maria. They were again awakened by the sound of music. "He's playing the piano," said Jones. "And singing 'Hold the Fort,*" said Mrs. Jones. "I hope he likes our style of music." The next morning there was a tired family convened at the breakfast table. Bridget had gathered »ip the shreds of the lace curtains and the remnants of furniture, but Mr. JoneV seal-skin cap was not identified until later in the day, and his silk umbrella resembled a a skeleton boquet. He took the dog out for a walk, aud in an hour returned alone. He goes home now by a new way, and when he sees a dog dodges 'round the block, and creeps into the back door. He says his dog days are over.--De­ troit Free Press. PITH AID POINT. THK scientists assert that there "starch in the blood." This - for the way some people are nj>."--Carl Pretzel's frwfcly. f. Mr lady'* eve* are brirfit. - Like n'arfl of Winter'a niKbt, .That shine a dark Mend a«Mf' gie'd make one's heart Befoi -B»d Hhe not m>eh a roioe-- *i '• It sonnd j like diataat tfaonds*_ --Chicago Sun. A MAN can live in Chicago for fcoi $1 to $1.50 per day. A certain editor, who visited that pony edition 1 Sodom and Gomorr.ih with the amount, only lasted one day.--Te Si/lings. Attention, Married Men* Married life presents as many differ­ ent phases as there are married couples in the world, but there are a few char- actertics common to all. If all the wives were to make out a list of their hardships, upon each one would be found a complaint in regard to money. It is really the :nost annoying thing married «omen have to contend with. The sacrifices of married life are about equal. It is not necessary to discuss them. The advantages are perhaps the same, rather in favor of woman. The pleasures, in the abstract, are pretty evenly balanced. Among wealthy peo­ ple, the husband, as a rule, works hard­ er than the wif%. Among the middle classes, the labor is about alike. Among the poor, the woman works more hours than the man. But it is not the labor which consti­ tutes the grievance. Men never "strike" because they have to work, but because they are not satisfied with their wages. The majority of husbands provide for their families as well as they are able. Women do not complain because they are deprived of the necessaries of life, but there are two sentiments of the heart which cannot and should not be suppressed, the love of independence and the desire to own something. It is a constant straggle with these two a»7 pirations that make women discontent­ ed. Men would feel exactly the same under similar circumstances. To make a practical application of this.--A man gives his wife a certain sum of money. Out of this she fondly hopes to save enough to buy some long coveted article, it may be of dress, household furniture, bric-a-brac, a pres­ ent for a friend, no matter What, it is something she vei-y much wants. But she is in duty bound to pay the grocer, the butcher, tlve servants, buy some accessary articlos for the children, and the money is gone. The next week the esnlt is the samo. If, by careful man­ agement, she succeeds in saving a little, •the is compelled to replenish the actual necessities of her wardrobe, and thus, Month after month passes by, and she is only able to meet the imperative de­ mands of daily life. Although she may disburse quite an amount of money she does not feel justified in spending i*iy of it in the little private luxuries her nature craves; in fact shecannotdothis for there is nothing to spare. And, all the while, she sees her hus­ band indulge his various tastes, good cigars, meals at the restaurant while his own are waiting at home; wine suppers when he chooses; a fast horse if lie wishes; a new suit while the old one is vet good; in fact he gets what he wants :f it is within his mean?. If the wife remonstrates, there is not a husband in the world who will not reply, "Well, I am spending ny own money." Ay, there's the rub! It is his Ottm money, and she cannot but ask herself, "Since I do toy share of the work, where is my o»cn money?" Although wives are often unreasona­ ble and fault-finding and dissatisfied yet they cannot be censured for wishing seme slight degree of financial indepen­ dence. Husbands ought to understand this feeling and sympathize with it. Ii they will set apart for the wife, a cer­ tain sum per month, no matter how small, and let it bo her very own, sub­ ject to her own wishes, they will find that, hi every respect., it is the best in­ vestment they ever made. --Ida A. Uar- >i(T in Trrrr Haute Mail. pension, *'I must acknowledge tha was never in the army, but I once felj, off a post-and-rail fence and broke mj wg while watching a military oomj drill.--Middtetoum Trariscript. "WHERE had I best open my course «f lectures? asked a youthful propouBcler of logic of a veterean in the profession. I expect the deaf and dumb asykoa would be the most appreciative plaftA'" was the reply.--Newman IndepmdeMi TBC man who in a steady way His con f»e through llfi ha* threaded ~ "" i(U in t he langii-ure of the (lay, * *; f Extremely "leyol-h^ade'l." • In taking terms Hire t his on trust 1 ® !» Ono can't be too particular, .. The ma ' whose head is level most *'*• • Be off his t crpendiculnr. --Somerville Journal . • -t jl THIN(J8 are not fairly and equttah)U|I divided in this sad and trim ftniiWj world. Some men haven't hair eneugl^ on their heads to make a baby's ojwfe' brow, while some butter looks like -ipi- was the boss of a wig factory.--'Matdfz man Independent. "BRTJDDER MOSES, how does yer staia? on de tariff?" "I doesn't know, lfiiiv Franklin, ef I stan's on de tariff at all ' or not. I kinder feel like de tariff standin' oh me, fur I allursi notice when I goes to de grocery ter buy thin' to eat, dey put de tariff on me as much as if I doan was no mini --Kenticchy State Journal. A LADY writes to know what is 4ho best way to preserve a piano. The best way to preserve the piano is to out it ill quarters, take out the core, and boil tho pieces until they are about half done. Then make a syrup of sugar and poor it over the pieces after which they an be put up in cans or jars. Pianos g^ot served this way will keep all winteit-- Peck's Sun. WHKN hearts wero trnmps: "Do you ever gamble?" she askod, as they sat together, lirr hand is his. He replied : ' No; but if I wanted to, now wouul be inv time." "How so?" "Because I hold a beautiful hand." ment is announced. The engage- _ A LAKKSIOB To an e litor «o hoary V •• Oara^a-ynnth in Antnmn'a ffldtyf " Bearing in his hand a story That of love's »wi tt tale did tolL Hofrlv laid it on the table .Whore the hand-made joko so able, Crop reports and new* trotn s'JtMe All in peacefulness did dwelL "I would like a situation. Humble in my present Htatlonj Prone to Fam e's abbreviation Is my lif-t's reaio>>el j s* msh. For. fr«m eiirht o'clock ti 1 s^vea •With an hour fcr lunch at eleven! E'eti denied • he light of Heaven---> Boxes mark I with a biush. y "I wotild fain attain pissitlon* Among those whose <<4e umbitUH • Is to better th--condition .. i Of onr li ernrr life. When my g^ldpn-locks are whlted, When Derail'* touch iny li"e has bllgMfil" And my soul above ha* kite 1. Let me have Fame for my wife." "I have listened to your s'ory,^ Baid the editor so hoary: "And can seo thaf for the glo V Of a t rond nime you wi 1 woilc Bur. if. seems to me-- conceding That you - rao-»t extorsive reading U t> t ho hicrh s Olympian speeding Bnrely '11 send yon wi <i a jerk-- That, when once yon've re- c* ed the i O-r bbed misfortune, and o'ero.i m < 1$ ' You w 11 softly murmur: "Dnm UJ I was happier as a clerk!" "For the cap of fame is ehftllow; B »n the rosy che k grow* sallow. And the yonth th-it once «ra< callow In n vear b^civmos ou fait Bawdu*t fills aoh pret'y dolli% After pie comes melancholy. Gra ve the man erstwhile u<>) lly-- Just because he's now blase." Down the stairs th» snthor g oth. And hi* ace deiecti n sboweth. Through t he crowded streat ho mewettl For himself a j>ath full wide. Takes the brash and pot cerulean And with strength tliaf is hercnlean Varies the boxes: "Mntn. B* Jntteor* Glass, with rar>\ ksep up this side.'"' --Chicago Tribune. TK Gospel of Evolution. 1. There never was a beginafcig. The efbrnal without us that maketh for righteousness took no notioe whatever of anything. 2. Aud Cosmos was homogeneous and undifferentiated, and somehow or other evolution began, and moleonlM appeared. 3. And molecule developed proto­ plasm, and rythmic thrills arose, Aad then there was light. 4. And a spirit of energy was devel-v oped and formed a plastic oell, whence arose the primordial germ. 5. And the primordial germ became protogene, aud protogene somehow shaped eocene--then was the dawn af life. 6. And the herb yielded seed, and the fruit tree yielded fru t after its own kind, whose seed is in itself, developed according to its own fancy. And Ihe eternal without us that maketh for righteousness neither knew nor cared anything about it. 7. The cattle after his kind, the beasts of the earth after his kind, and every creeping thing became involved by heterogeneous segregation and con­ comitant dissipation of motive. 8. So that by survival of the fittest there evolved the simiads from the jelly-fish, and the simiads differentiafcet*l themselves into the anthropomorphic primordial types. 9. And in due time oue lost his tail and became a man, ar»d behold, he Was the most cunning of all the animals, anckio! the fast men killed the slow men, and it was ordained to be so in every age. 10. And in process of time, by natural selection and survival of the fittest Matthew Arnold, Herbert Spencer and Charles Darwin appeared, and behold, it was very good. A Lncky Bey. A little chap who fell on the pave­ ment in front of a Wood u ard avenuo grocery aud broke a jug, jumped up and called out to a boy on the corne*: "Isn't that boss?" "Why, didn't you break the jug?" "'Of course I did, but it was empty. If I'd onlv waited five minutes I'd have lost a hull gallon of 'lasses by tho breaking. Bet your boots I'm * alius lucky!"--Detroit Free Press. THE first Jewish settlers in Hew York were twenty-seven exiles, ban­ ished from Bahia, in Brazil, on the general expulsion of the Jews from that kingdom, who came to New York in 1654 as the nearest place of refuge. After fifty years thov comprised but 100 persons, and for 170 years had but one synagogue. To-day there are thirty- one synagogues in New Y'ork. and the Jewish population is estimated at 80.- 000. • YOUNG Lady (who in writing a note for the housemaid)--"Is there anything, more you wish to say, Marv?" "No, m.irm, except ju«t say, 'Please excuse bad writin' and spelliu'.'*