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BT WIUUK COIXMK MTURb ' $ y -\ * Otboo. whoM ctaer1#hed Image MHBI A pwrton of my he^rt, WboMeyaa of light make {hd my driw% hrew 41, tor now we par . Th« nail i« swelling In tta> bay, .... Tint t-earm me on my rtlatatit w*%, . f»r y»ar«< to rove the dreary se s v- '? For years--»nd think ot only the#> Tot wil' that beant ou« image mke The dreary SPR le«s ilrear; 9 And tliv remembered *mile will watoB The hop-» h-tt trample* fear, Whe k<hall <ace tli tempest'* wrtth. Of atiu.-cle 'bough 'he dansreron* path Wtaeie the blue lce'ierg«, vajf and stvp. ., Dr if line- and cashing crowd the deep. Then, too, when heaven with clouds ia dark And wild winds sweep the vale. Wilt thon no th nk of h m whose dare Strive-' with Hie polar gale? j Wilt thon not'h nfe. and Kiftlypwy Fip-th<<*ei-w«nd • re* far ewav, » Tha% all hie toils a d perils o'er, Hio hand may clasp thy baud once more? Bntahoalrtst thon hear no more of Or 1te»r tha i have di d And deep wChin the fey sea, Or on its de* rt H do, Will not a rang hy !>osom press, Eren in thy p ide of lfv>-lln,>*«-- A tear in iliy sweet eyelid* shine Pair him whose latest thought waa tnlner IN AFTKK OAV9. BT AUSTIN DOBSON. r darV when grasses Msh OTortop the tomb wlier» 1 sh-iil lift Though well or ill the world ad jut. My stlender clnim to hono'ed dust, 1 atiat. not question nor reply. Ighill not see lh° morning »ky, . 1 shall not hear the night wind sigh, 1 shall be mate us *11 men most,-- , In after days I And yet, now livincr, fain were I That snine one then should testify. Saying--Ht held his pen in triM * ' To Art, not nervine shame or IvsU Will none? • • Th-n le- my memory die In alter days! Century. - Sn *, . >• . THE BISHOP'S SI*. "" As the Bishop's conduct has been the subject of considerable comment, it be­ comes a kind of duty to give the true account of tlve whole matter. As everybody knows, the Right Rev­ erend Evert on and Tauphie was a very- broad churchman. Had he not boldly opposed the Tractarran movement in his Oxford days? Did he not recently extend the Episcopal regis to Major the City-road devil-dodger, when that con­ verted reprobate pitched hi3 tent with­ in the very shadow of the palace, and preached eternal damnation in the ohoicest cockney? Indeed, the Bishop had been known to smile on Mr. Spur- geon, and beam benevolently upon the metropolitan Moodies and suburban Sankeys. The curates of his diocese •were not interdicted from cricket nor his rectors from lawn-tennis; and I am not in a position to contradict the ru­ mor that the Bishop has been known to cut into a rubber for "silver three- pennies," and in the shadow of a stage- box once saw Mr. Irving play "Shy- lock." Indeed, when Julian, his only son, was at Eton, his father rejoiced more at his winning the public school rackets than in his carrying off the Prince Consort's prize for foreign languages; and when, up at Oriel, he found his way into the eight, the Bishop's joy was so great as to beat moments positively undignifie J. He liked his son to be in the best set in town; he cheerfully paid entrances and subscriptions to various dubs tlio names of which were certain­ ly unfamiliar to him, but which Julian -assured him were "necessaries" even for a Bishop's infant. A rich and hon­ orable alliance for Julian be.: an to be a very definite object in the Episcopal •eye, and consequently he highly ap­ proved of Julian's country house visits; 1* If rin ii ry 11 tkn uf ofltu toitun^ Ltttalo^uezi of the notabilities with whom he had danced, or shot, or played charades, were balm to his soul; and at break­ fast, over an account of the previous evening's dinner and dance, the sacer­ dotal spirits sensibly revived. Nomin- inally, Julian was going to the bar, and duly ate dinners, or rather sulked in dignified silence at the Middle Temple 6 o'clock mess in full evening dress, and refused the proper joint on the ground that he never ate boiled mutton in the atternoon. Naturally enough this statement irritated his poor breth- Tfn, especially as it was Julian's wont to bo it to the Orleans for dinner the moment grace was said. Bearing these facts in mind, it will be understood that the Bishop was rather hurt when it came to his ears that his son had been frequently seen at Mrs. Gideon Blewsby's "small and •earlies" in Cockerton Crescent, Bays- water, and had subsequently been ob­ served at St. James' Hall, on Monday •evenings, apparently enwrapped in the strains of a Spohr quartet, in company with a pretty little girl known to all Bayswater as Kitty Blewsby. When finally Miss Crabbie told him that the pair had been noticed shopping at Wliiteley s he could stand it no longer. "It won't do, my boy," said the Bish­ op one day. "She mafr be all you say-- probably is: but then you know Blews­ by is a solicitor--attorneys we used to call them--and a Dissenter, and I don't like it; besides the Crabbie* talk about it so." "My dear father," said Julian some- what hotly. "Miss Crabbie is a mem­ ber of the Browning Society, and an Esoteric Buddhist, and all the rest of it; but she's a frowsy old gossip for all that, and Miss Blewsby is a charming natural girl, and worth fifty of Crabbie, .and--" The Bishop looked aghast. •Besides, you know, going to the bar one must make friends with solicitors, and her father has lots of work. to give, a fellow." Even the professional plea didn't sof­ ten the Bishop; and he wrinkled his brow and his apron--both usually smooth--as he said indignantly, taking bis bed-room candle. "Preposterous perfectly monstrous! I'm ashamed of jou !" Why Julian, rushed up stairs after bis father had retired, pat on a fresh tie, and dashed into a hansom, I don't qnite know; but in a quarter of an hour he was laughing with Kitty Blewsby. Deir little Kitty--riante, maidenly, and witching--looked up with frank delight in her lover's eyes (for of course it is no secret now that they were lovers a': this time), and flushed as she listened to . Julian's somewhat irreverent account of hi* rocent interview. "You do believe me, Kitty!" ho plead­ ed; and she looked grave and said no'h- ing: but she certainly danced with him. And all Cockerton Crescent chuckled over it; a young person m book-muslin and a pink sash sang, 'O, that we were Maying,' with evident meaning, between the polkas; and Julian sat next to Krttv at the sit-down supper, and pulled criclters with her, and carved a game pie; there was no finesse about Cocker­ ton Crescent, I assure you. Hiss Esoteric Buddhist Crabbie told the Bishop all about it, and there is no doulrtthe Bt. Rev. Everton and Tauphie was very cross. There was a stormy , Interview; so far the paragraphs that appeared in the weekly journals were tjuite accurate,. But it is quite false 'fas I am instructed) to say that Julian litterallv cut the Episcopal apron-strings with a carving-knife. Still, I admit the interview, and I also am bound to acknowledge its character. The succeeding week was a fierce one for everybody concerned. The Bishop roundly slated three rectors and a dean, and racked a new curate who had pre­ sumed to adopt a scu'-sou'-western 1position during the collection; Julian tad a bad week at Sundown, naturally «nouch, for he had only backed hor-e-t whose names began with; Miss Crabbie read a paper on "Historic Feminine Singers" before the Notting Hill De­ bating Society; and Kitty cried. These events are now matters of history. The subject came up again, and this time the Bishop was volcanic. "Marry her! Dare to dream of marrying her, and vou mav go and play lawn-tennis with' Tom Hughes in New Rugby for a summer and starve for the rest of your life. I won't send yon to the bar; I'll stop your allowance; I'll cry down your creil it--O, .1 uli an, you--yon--apostato." It was the only word the Bishop could think of at the moment, and it fitted re- markab.y well But the apostate was very quiet, in­ deed, this time- meekly seemed to ac­ quiesce in his father's views; and then, to the Bishop's bewilderment, threw over all engagements, refused all invi­ tations, and settled down soberly and discreetly to work in Mr. Meeson Wel­ ly's chambers, with whom he was read­ ing. Home to dinner punctually every evening; talked little politics or a sen­ sational trial with the old gentleman; but after his coffce promptly betook himself to his "Storey," his "Taylor," bis '"Broom" and his first brand-new copy of the "Reports." Julian meant to be a barrister, and, oddly enough, evidently meant to learn law before in­ stead of subsequently to his being called, which shows what a very original young man lie was. It was perplexing. Julian the Apos­ tate had recanted his social heresy so thoroughly that the Bishop was suspi­ cious. The man worked, no doubt of it and would have nothing to say to the cloud of white cards that settled all over the mirror in his study liko a flock of butterflies. He was seemingly happy; and the whole thing was per­ fectly amazing. I grieve to say that his lordship be­ came a kind of amateur detective; he watched every Utter that arrived; he called on Meeson Welbv and found that his son was his most punctual and most industrious pupil. "I assure you, my Lord Bishop," said that distinguished advocate, "he knows a vast deal of practical law, and has the making of a very excellent 'devil' in him." The expression was startling but very gratifying when properly ex­ plained. Still, there the matter was; Julian the merry had become Julian the mysterious,.and there was no clew to it at all. One memorable evening the Bishop, having finished the sketch of a charge (I'ihean, of course, such a charge as would be produced by Bishop Butler, not Mrs. butler), sat in his study brood­ ing over it all. He was "doing his best for his bov," he kept repeating to him­ self; but his spiritual wrestlings were disturbed some way, and between him and the fire there came a moment's glimpse of a certan wistful little face he had once seen with Julian in the park, and a photograph of which sad little face hung framed in old-gold plush beside .TuMan's bed. His lordship's musings were interrupted by the sound of his son's quick step on the stairs, and then Ills voice. "All right, Pollard, I'm just running out to post a letter. I'll be back to drpss in five minutes. "You can post it here. Master Julian," said the voice of the old retainer, the Bishop's butler; I'm taking his Lcrd- ship's letters presently." "Quito sure it will go all right. Pollard? Very well, then." There was a metallic "flav," as the letter was dropped into the big oak pillar-box that stood in the hall, and then Julian ran back to his study A letter 1 To whom ? Why wish to post it himself? And then I fear some little demon had the audacity to whis­ per in the Bishop's ear, for that good man was disquieted, and rose from his chair. The room seemed hot, so he opened the door. The hall looked cool, so he walked into it. There was no one there. Like Eugene Aram, he took "three hasty strides," and then stopped opposite the oak letter-l ox, of which he and Pollard had duplicate keys. "After all, there can be no harm in just feeing to whom he is writing; it mi<?ht be some vile money-lender; and besides," added the Bishop to himself, "I may possibly misdirected some of my own letters." Still he paused, and the little demon kept whispering: "Take it ont! take it out!" Finally, with a quick-beating heart, the Bishop opened the box. Was that a noise? No, only the parrot "Hate parrots," he thought, as he peeped in. Yes, there it was, right on the top of the pile, ad­ dressed in Julian's big, good-natured sort of a scrawl. Feeling very like a fraudulent bank secretary borrowing securities from the "strong room," but still urging on his conscience that he was "doing it for the best," the Bishop put the letter in his pocket, slammed the door of the box, and retreated with his prize to his study, just in time to hear Pollard panting up from the re­ gions below to send the post off. Would that old servitor discover I he loss? Should he rnsh out and restore it? No, he would be firm; it was "for the best." The letter was addressed to Miss Kitty Blew.-b>, 214 A Cockerton Crescent, Bajswater.^ Corresponding with her secretly! Monstrous! It must be stopped at once. His fingers played with the en­ velope as he held it up between him and the fire. "No, no, can't do that; wouldn't be honest," said the Bishop sternly; and having comforted himself with the reflection, he locked up the letter in his drawer, and then the dress- bell rang. Julian was very pleasant and bright that day at dinner. He told his father Old Oxford stories, insisted on pledging him in the old '47, and when he ran off Jo read (he never went to the theatei now), he dropped into the drawing room and ran his fingers lightlv over the keys of the Erard. The Bishop heard the musio as he sat, brooding, and melancholy, and remorseful, in the room below; for all that he hardened his heart like Pharaoh, and would not let the letters go, because "it was for the best"--a bit of jesuitical casuistry that he nevertheless derived but small comfort-from. It required much more Pharaoh-like fl ntiness to endure Juli­ an's first anxious, and then disappoin­ ted face when the early post next morning, and several successive posts for the next two days, failed to bring him something he evidently looked for. 1 • '.-Y: The inaptly, "Anything for me, fath­ er?" ana the invariable answer, "Noth­ ing, Julian," became a little tragedy, in w hich the Bishop felt he waa oast for "first murderer," and he was by no means easy in the part. The piano was never opened now, and Julian stuck to his work quietly and pluckily. At last he was duly "called," and won the £100 prize given by his Inn for an essay upon "Probate and Divorce as practiced by the E;irly Ayran Ra ces." lie never slackened work for a moment, Imt went to court ever day, and still preserved the same quiet mys­ terious manner that so battled and wor­ ried the Bishop. His fun seemed to have evaporated,and in its place he had a purpose. His father had a bad time of it--passed sleepless nights, and even so far as to read the essay on probate and divorce. Once he suggested in playful fashion to Julian that "now that he was on the high road to the Woolsack it was time for him to look about and settle," but only elicited a rather solemn. "Don't let's talk of that subject, father," und felt snubbed. . It was clear to the Bishop that he had succeeded in alienating-Julian's af­ fection for Kitty; but he certainly never meant to make a confirmed misogynist and a'bigoted bachelor of him, and this was seemingly what had happened, for dancing Belgravia knew him no more. It was precisely at 9:45 on the even­ ing that has been so much talked of that the Bishop was strolling home af­ ter attending the great conference that met to discuss the long-vexed question concerning*Archidiaconal functions. He had ouce been an archdeacon himself and he sympathized with the rather vague position of the very reverends, and he was really rather pleased with the resolution he had proposed, making gaiters and broad brims obligatory on them as a class, although dear old Saw­ dust ami Bran (a brother bishop) had so stoutly opposed it, on the ground that it would lead to aprons. It is right to mention this, as it accounts for the Bishop's preoccupied manner that even­ ing. Passing up that pleasant little segment of a circle that is called Dean street, the Bishop noticed a carriage whisking rapidly westward. A glance as the lights flashed by showed him a glimpse of a pale sad young face, with a square line of stiff white linen cutting across the brow, round whic4i fell the black folds of a nun's veil; the dress was that of a religieuse of noma order. The Bishop wo~, thunderstruck. It was Kitty Blewsby, poor little Kitty, and in that dress! The thought flashed quick upon him; of course she was go­ ing to a convent--immuring her young life within the fatal walls, sinking all her love and all Julian's hopes in the dread vows, sacrificed in one of those mysterious Anglican sisterhoods against which he had so often inveighed, re­ nouncing-- "I renounce the devil and all his works!" exclaimed the Right Reverend Lord of Everton and Tauphie, inter­ rupting his own thoughts; and then, to the astonishment of Sam Snapper, who was passing at the time, and who, I firmly believe, wrote all the stupid paragraphs about it, the Bishop dashed after the retreating carriage, with apron flying, mud spattering and small boys cheering him. John Gilpin's ride was a crawling Lord Mayor's show compared to the Episcopal hundred yards, quite the best (ecclesiastically) on record. He didn't care. What were conveyances beside conscience and convents! Away he went toward Park Corner, and by dint of most undignified shoutings suc­ ceeded in stopping the carriage just as it reached the big bronze warrior who now shelters himself in sculptured sulkiness under four trees opposite St. George's Hospital. It was a bishop's charge with a ven­ geance ! "You, my Lord, Bishop!" cried out the little white nun, shrinking back as he puffed at the window; for she was quite familiar with his appearance, al­ though this was their first interview. "Let me in, my dear Miss Blewsby; I must talk to you and at once;" and as he got in he pin ted out "Home!" to the astonished coachman, who had never seen a bishop in a hurry before. "What does this all mean ?" "O, I'm so sorry!" sobbed Sister Kitty, wiping her eyes with her veil. "I never thought you would find it out, and of course it was very wrong; bnt, you see, they made me promise, and tliere are many other girls I kpow there, and what could I do?--I loved 1" im so!" Now the Bishop would have vastly preferred to have been preached to death by wild curates, as Sidney Smith once suggested, than face a pretty girl in tears. However, he was bound to go through with it now; so he nerved him­ self and said: "Miss Blewsby, listen to me. I never thought it would come to this. I never anticipated such a ter­ rible catastrophe. That dress! that veil! I am bound as a good church­ man to earnestly protest against it; and what is more, as a man, as a father," (here the Bishop's voice perceptibly faltered.) "I have a few serious words to say." Kitty clasped her hands tight­ ly and was silent in an instant. "I was wrong. I have stood between you two. I regret it. Only tell me that it is not too late to prevent yon taking this fearful step. No, dou't speak; you will do me a great favor if you wipe away a stain that--now do listen." Kitty hadn't said a word; she was frightened. "Please go home at once, aud promise me to take off those infer--infamous things; promise you will not go to where I grieve to learn some of your companions have already gone, and, on my honor, you shall marry my boy if von like. I swear --I mean I affirm it," and in his excitement the Bishop took both Kitty's hands and looked earnest­ ly in her face. "But I vowed I would go to-night and everything is ready for me; and you startle me so. Do you really mean this?" she added, somewhat pleadingly and timidly. "I pledge you my word I am in earn­ est." "It's too good of you--too good. Yes, I'll go home " And then, for soino un- hoard-of reason, Kitty cried again, and the Bishop felt very aakward- so much so that as they were parsing his corner f e chucked the check-string with a jorlc that almost pulled the coachman inside and threw the horses on their haunch­ es. "Good night," he said as he stepped ont; "we have made each to eaoh a promise. Keep yours, and J alian shall eome and see you to-morrow." Then he left her, and walked liom<> feeling that he had exorcised the littli) demon. . Another and still greater shick was, however, in store for the ill-starred old gentleman. As he came into the hall and passed by the fatal pillar-box he saw Julian stealing down stairs in a monk's robe, his feet in sandals, his waist girt with a rope, a cowl dra wn closely around his handsome faoe%aud a bed-room candle In his hand. In a moment fatner and son were iau* *. faoe. "What, yon too!" cried the Bishop "O Julian, this is too much! I have saved her; I may be yet in time to res­ cue you. Julian you shall marry her!" And then in a hurried fashion he poured out his story, ending with: "And now that X have promised, tell me t > what vile seclusion the poor girl wa i going, and wliere you were about to bury youself and break my old heart?" Julian's eyes had danced with joy a>- he listened, but he looked gray as ht» answered: "lean not tell you how I thank you, father; but don't lot us have anymore secrcts. There was no though of vile seclusion nor of burials; she w is going to take part in Lady Fanci- ful's tableaux vivants to-night, and. I confess, so was I. We were both in the same picture, designed by Sir Ifos- Madder, you know; and now I slial have to try and get an understudy for her, or cnt out the nun altogether, which which will spoil the tableau. Bnt father, she is such a dear, lovable girl, and indeed I meant to work and win her, and this was a pure accident. We only met at rehearsal a week ago. and madu it up. The fact is, 1 had quarrelled with her because she never answered a most important lette* that--" "Don't say any more, my boy," sala the Bishop, sadly and slowly, "go to Lady Fanciful's. There has been » --a mistake somewhere. I'm glad it i( all right. Good night/ Julian," and then he kissed his son and went into the study. That's all I know about it, and x must confess that certain journals have cruelly distorted the true facta in the case.--London World. THE FAMILY DOCTOR. A FASTIDIOUS convalescent may be de­ luded into taking more nourishment than ho knows of or is willing to take by having the yolk of an egg stirred in­ to his morning cup of coffee. Beat the egg very light. IF baby is hoarse at night take a small piece of oil silk rub a little lard or animal oil of any kind over it and fasten it next his skin, over the chest. It may be pinned with small «afoty-pin" to bis wrapper, A waifER in the Druggist's Circula* offers the following remedy for earache, which, lie says, after repeated trials, never fails to afford almost instant re­ lief: "'Olive oil .one ounce; chloroform, one dram. Mix and shake together, then pour twenty-five or thirty drops in­ to the ear, and close it up with a piece of raw ooiton to exclude the air and retain the mixture." A VF.UY simple and effective cure for cinders in the eye is simply one or two grains of flaxseed. These? may be placed in the eye without injury or pain to that delicate organ, aud shortly they begin to swell and dissolve a glu­ tinous substance that covers the ball of the eye, enveloping any foreign sub­ stance that may be in it. Tlie irrita­ tion of cutting the membrane is thus prevented, and the annoyance may soon be washed out. THK BLOOD.--While the daily food, of whatever articles it may be compos­ ed, i9 mysteriously transformed into blood, in the vital laboratory of the digestive domain, that blood to consti­ tute the material from which the mus­ cles, bones, nerves; every tissue of the body, is composed, to have pure blood we must take pure food, not tainted mea's, rancid butter, putrid swine's flesh or lard, reeking with disease, not half-decayed lruits and vegetables, not indigestible pantry, made so by the gen­ erous additions of lard and grease in general, not wild game which has been kept till it is so far decomposed and "tender" as to nearly fall apart, not oysters, undressed, containing all of the excrements--a scavenger at best--but honest, plain and natural food. Anoth­ er important condition is the breathing of pure air by which the blood is puri­ fied, while the pores, a very important means of carrying off the waste of the body, should be kept carefully open, free and active. And since the liver, kidneys and bowels are among the prom­ inent organs of purification, carrying off the poisons of the body, it is import­ ant that all should receive due attention in the removal "of all obstructions. The e purfving means are far more active than all drug medication, none of which purifies the blood, as is general­ ly supposed by the masses, chemically, but if at all by promoting digestion and excretion. Of all of the absurd ideas in reference to the me lical means of purifying the blood that connected with the use of ardent spirit •». I regard as the most baseless, while alchol, in whatever form it may be employed, is an ac­ knowledged poison, antagonizing every function of the system, producing com­ motion whenever it comes in contact^ with any surface, its stimulating effect.^ being attributable to the violent efforts of the body powers to expel the foe, the invader, in the shortest possible time, causing irritation and weakness--the re-action after stimulation---I am un­ able to see any philosophy in its use.-- Dr. Foote s Health Monthly. Be Kind. * A poor widow lives in the neighbor­ hood who is the mother of half a dozen children. Send them a peck of sweet apples and they will be liappfr. A child has lost his arrow--the world to him-- and he mourns sadly; help him to find it or make him another, and how quick­ ly will the sunshine play over the sol>er face! You employ a man, pay him cheerfully, and speak a pleasant word to him, i^nd he leaves your house with a contented heart, to light up his own hearth with smiles and gladness. As you pass along the street yeu meet a familiar face ; say " good morning." as though you felt happy, and it will work admirably in the heart of youij neighbor. We can make the wretched happy, the discontented cheerful, the afflicted resigned, at an exceedingly cheap rate. Dating Eggs. The only way for an honest farmer nowadays to compete witii rascally adulieration and fraud is to get a repu­ tation for his products, and let consum­ ers know where they come from. If his bntter, and cheese, and liams. go to market, and they are such as he can be proud of, let them bear the stamp of the maker, so that when purchasers get hold of them they may know where to always find a good thing. The latest suggestion we have seen in this line is that the man who sends eggs to market should stencil his name and residence, and the name of the breed of fowls pro­ ducing them, on each egg. This would cause some extra labor, but not much, aud it might pay in the long run. Why not add the date when the egg was laid"? --Lowell Courier. A CURTAIN lecture---"Why DON'T you roll that shade up straight?" The Burglar Alml "O, by the way, how does your burg­ lar alarm work," said one solid citizen to another, as the two stood up and the lunch counter sampling the cheese and crackers. "Works too well," said the solid citi­ zen, as he raised the rim of his hat and showed his friend a black eye, and then tackled the headcheese on another plate. Haven't slept a wink for two nights, and am going to have it taken out." "'That's queer. I thought those burg­ lar alarms were a big thing in a house. I have been told that if a burglar raises a window or opens a door, that the alarm would ring and wake the house, and Bhow by the indicator at what particu­ lar place the burglar was at work, and the noise of the alarm would scare the burglar so he would light right out," said the first solid citizen as he ordered a glass of beer and spread some mus­ tard on a piece of rye bread. "I was going to have one put in my house." "You can have mine," said a second solid citizen. "It might work all right in your house, because you have got some sort of system among your people, but in my house it is a sort of go os- you-pleasa. You see, when you retire you turn on the switch, and everything }s ready. The first night I turned it on, and just as I got to sleep the bell rang, and I jumped up to look at the indicator to see where the burglar was. I run my eye against the mantel, try-, ing to get a match, and in scratching it on my leg I set my shirt on fire, and be­ fore I could put it out and go searching for burglars, it was too late. I hunted around and found that the hired girl, who had been out to a dance, had come in, and started the alarm. My wife had a fit, the girl got mad because I told her what I thought of her, and left the next d^y. I put some liniment on me where 1 was scorched, and went to sleep again, and before I had drawn three snores the bell rung again, as thongh the house was afire. I looked at the indicator and found that it was the cel­ lar door, and I picked up a chair and started down the back stairs and met a man coming up. I hit him with the chair and knocked him down two pair of stairs, and jumped on him, and my wife culled the servants and they lit the gas, and I hope to die if the burglar was not our coachman. He had been out to a caucus, to repre­ sent the house, and was going to his room. He was senseless, and we had to bring him to, and put him to bed, and he went to the hospital, and now I have to take care of my own horses. He says he will sue me for damages if he lives, and whip me if he dies. Well, I sat up all night, and slept the next day. The next night we turned on the alarm, and about midnight the bell rattled, and I found that a side window was be­ ing tampered with, and I put a charge of bird shot into my oldest son throngh the window. We got him in and put him to bed, and found he was not very badly hurt, and all went to bed. Along towards morning I heard a noise in the barn, as though one of the horses were loose, and I went out to see about it, It seems that when I opened the door to go out, I rung the alarm, and the whole family got up and laid for that door, and when I came back they hit me with everything they could lay their hands on, and my own dog actually jumped on me" and chewed me, and tore my pants till they looked a-i though they had run through a corn shelter. I tried to tell them who I was, but every time, I attempted to speak mv wife would hit me in the face with a pillow, and finally I ran outdoors and they locked the door and went to bed and I prowled around till morning, and came pretty near being arrested by a policeman. When I showed up at the house in the morining the folks pre­ tended they did not know it was me, and were not going to let me in. I guess if you could get a burglar alarm so it would only go off when there were burglars around, and would hold its peace for the family, it would be a good scheme, but this one makes the house too lively for me. I would rather open all the windows and doors and adver­ tise a burglar's matinee, free for all burglars in good standing, and give them the run of the house, than to have the trouble I have had lately. If you want that alarm you can have it at half price."--Peck's Sun. Arkansas Justice. ^Old Nelse Patmore was elected -jus­ tice of the peace. He could neither read nor write, but his friends assured him that such accomplishments were merely side issues. One day Jack Maine sued the commonwealth for false imprisonment. He employed excellent legal counsel and everyone thought he would surely gain his case. When the cause came up for trial, the judge said: " Young man, de 'dictment says dat yer wants damages fur false 'prison- men t." "That is exactly what we want, your honor." said Maine's lawyer. "Uh, huh." "And we think, your honor, that we are entitled to five thousand dollars damages." "Uh, huh," handling his papers. "We claim that Mr. Maine's imprison­ ment was falsa" "Uh, huh." "And we can prove it." "Uh, huh. Gingermen, yer say dat de man's 'prisonment was false." "Yes, your honor." "Uh, huh. He went ter jail, didn't he?" "Oh, Yes." "Uh, huh. What am de meanin' o' false ? Suthin' what doan' 'zist, ain't it?" "Yes. sir." "Wall, dis man went ter jail, Pat's faek, ain't it?" . "Yes, your honor." "Dat'zisted.didn* it?" "Oh, yes." "Dat wan't false, den. De 'cision o' dis cou't am dis. De gennerman claim­ ed ter hab been 'prisoned falsely. De proof 4iows dat de State didn' perten' ter put him in jail, but did put him dar. De cou't hoi's dat dar wan't nuthin' false' bout dat. Now, ef de state had pretended ter put him in jail an' hadn' denoit, dat woulder bin false 'prison­ ment. I'll jis' sen' de gennerman baric ter jail an* fling de lawyers in for de costs."--Arkaiwaiv Traveler. The Scare-Crew Poet. One of the most amusing of the an- ecdotes illustrative ef absent-minded­ ness is that told of Prof. Wilkie, of St. Andrew's University, Scotland. The professor, whose mimd was more intent upon problems in natural phil­ osophy than npon the events of the town, met, on a certain occasion, one of his former pupils. "I was sorrv, my dear boy," he said, "to bear yo< have had the fever in your fam ly, Was it you or your brother who died of it?" "It was I, sir," replied the young rogue, enjoying the exhibition of the professors failing. MAh I dear me, I thought sp! Yerv sorry for it! very sorry for itl" and he resumed his walk. The professor was a farmer's son, and when a mere boy began the writing of an epio poem, under circumstances the most unfavorable to the visits of the mnse. There were a number of pigeon houses in Edinburg, near which his fathers farm was situated. The pigdoos annoyed the farmer, and to save his i j6* he planted young Wilkie in the field to serve as a scare-crow. While guarding the wheat, he con­ ceived the idea of writiner a poem de­ scriptive of the descendants of those warriors who had been slain at the first siege of Troy. He carried his Homer into the field, together with a table, a pen and ink and a great rusty gun. He wouM compose two or three lines, write them down, and then, seeing a flock of pigeons settle in the field, rise up and fire at them. Dropping the scare-crow, he would retnrn to the table, resume his pen and add another lino or two, till a fresh invasion called him off.--Youth's Companion. Harried Life--Boarding-If eases. Nothing is more usual in New York than for the man just married to take his young wife to no other home thau a boai ding-house. He does it with the most It udable intentions in the world and with the fixed determination to go houaepeoping just as soon aa his im­ proved prospects will justify him to in­ dulge in an increase of expenditure. At present it is so nice to sit down to table without any harassing fear of butchers' or bakers' bills, no wrangles with un­ trained servants, no fear of mother-in- law's superior wisdom in household af­ fairs putting your verdant experience to the blush. It is so pleasant to go off just when you feel like it on little fly­ ing trips to the country or a visit to some friend without leaving a single doubt or care behind. You can calcu­ late just to a nicety what your expenses amount to, and consequently indulge in majny and unjustifiable little extrava­ gances, which had been a great deal better bestowed in a more useful cause. And so at the end of the year, though intensely weary of it all, you have drift ed into this irresponsible happy-go- lucky kind of existence, without any more definite course of action than when you first started. Your wife, deprived of all those charming little duties whicl constitute the chief pleasure of a mar­ ried woman's life, those nice little planti for beautifying and embellishing her home, in which her faculties for tlu? comfort of her surroundings find fuli scope, has either grown inert and list­ less, or she has found other interest/ with which to occupy herself. At the best it is a vague, purposless dragging along of one day to another, in which routine or method has no part. The most important task of her life is ho? to kill time most effectually, or to dis­ pose of the day in the least tiresome manner. Her proper vocation is mis­ sing, she knows no other duty than that of self-indulgence, till finally when the time arrives for you to give her a home she has lost all inclination for it, and prefers to live on as sho has begun. Perhaps after this the cause for so many divorces is not far to seek. There is no conntry in the world where people j have so little veneration for their house­ hold goods as in America. The most luxurious and elegantly appointed homes are broken up--generally for the most trivial reason in the world-- with the same easy facility as one would fold up a tent without the least com­ punction in parting with the thousand and one familiar objects endeared by long usage and association. Thus the ruling power receives yearly fresh im­ petus, and there is no fear of a decay of its supremacy EO long as people will not recognize that the chief welfare of a nation depends upon the home influence and associations--to the wife the home; to the husband the task of providing for it. If the former shirks her part of the marriage contract, it is surely ex-, cusable in the husband to shirk his re­ sponsibilities. The wholesome influence of numerous obligations, the necessary sense of weighty responsibilities, the beneficial restraint of home ties and duties, have no part in his life. The edge is taken off his ambition, because the chief incentive thereto is missing. He is a regular nomad with a regular nomad's idea of life. Its obligations and duties press but lightly on him, and he can pitch his tent wherever ho pleases. His landlady is the only per son he fears, because on her dependtt bis material comfort. That is why he alternately cajoles and flatters hei, meekly bows his head under his coarse despotism, abjectly accedes to her ex­ tortionate demand in "raising him,' submits to the most humiliating imper­ tinences from the servants, and in short lives a perpetual life on sufferance, while vainly trying to delude himself into a belief that he is a free-born man and an independent citizen.--New York Graphic. An IncMent en 'Change In War Days. "Gold! Gold! Gold!" All through the year 1864 speculation ran wild upon this precious circulating medium. Gold was the topic then, next to the move­ ments of the armies, pervaded every conversation. It controlled the specu­ lation in all other articles of use or com­ merce. The stock market largely hinged upon the quotations of gold, and grain and provisions were for months dependent entirely upon the operations of the Gold Board in Wall street. It was money itself that was being gam­ bled in. Money was bet on the price of money. The fever for gold speculation raged wildly throughout the community, aud the brokers were kept busy in execut­ ing orders for customers both in aud out of the city. One of the largest operators was E. B. Stiles, of Dixon, who was a rampant bull, and believed gold would never stop going up. He was carrying a million of gold on one occasion, when, having come up to Chicago in hot haste, he accosted his broker as follows : "My God, 3/ , how do I stand on this deal ?" "You are about $50,000 ahead at this minute," replied the broker, "and I would advise you to take your profit." "My God, I'll do it," said Stiles, and rushed out of the oftiee. An hour later the broker met him and asked what he had done. "My God, she's going to 500," ex­ claimed Stile; "I'll hold on to her." Needless to say. his profit of $50,000 resolved itself into <thin air.--Chicago Herald. FOB a long period Sonneberg, in Ger­ many, supplied the world with toys, but the protective tariffs introduced of late yeais in France. Italy, Sweden, and America have injured the trade to the extent of some $250,000 a year and thrown hundreds out of employ. W1H AND POUT. A PAMS Chinaman recently fbond a ^ kidney-pad on the sidewalk, and has made enough soup cot of it to start a boarding house.--Pari# Beacon. A 8MABT young man may feel flatter­ ed at being called a chip off the old blook, but when solid timber as wanted the old block is the best.--Carl PreUdf* Weekly. "IT is a wise man who knows his own business," says the Waterloo Observer, i Yes, and it is a wiser man who devotes his whole time to attending to it.--New York Graphic. "LOVE is blind!" Maybe that's why • the gas is so often turned d'own in the parlor when loves takes possession. Because wlrp ? Love being blind, there is no sense in wasting gas to make light for it. IT is very desirable to be a good read­ er. A clergyman is faid to have once read the following passage from the Bible, with the emphasis thus: "And the old man said unto his .sons, saddle me the ass; and they saddled him!" A NOTED phj*sician says that the fre­ quent use of an organ or muscle of the body greatly increases its size. If this were true, there is a woman in this town whose tongue would be bigger than her head, and her meuth would resemble a hungry boy 's bite into a cus­ tard pie.--Newman Independent. EUREKA ! An exchange has at last dis­ covered that "the reaaon so many young men are fresh is because they are not able to earn their salt." It may be ex­ actly as stated, but does it not seem that it was more because they are too much ind sposed to earn their salt in­ stead of not being able ? However, the mystery is solved.--Peck's Sun. "How did you oome over ?" asked the old gentleman of his prodigal son, who had been in Europe all summer and was looking somewhat run down at the heel. "First-class," said the prodigal son, joyously. The old gentleman looked suspicious but said nothing, and the prodgial afterward explained to his sis­ ter that he had come over in the steer­ age, but wasn't sick a minute,*and he called that first-class. --Hawkeye. SAYS an old lake captain : "There is one standard for mates and another for captains. For instance, a mate may shout 'Is your line clear?' and not feel it necessary to freeze the souls of pass­ engers aboard, but the captian views it in a different light. When he utters an order or shouts an inquiry he expects to see splinters fly from every ware­ house. Why, sir, when the captain of a first-class propeller cries out to go ahead or back her he expects to para­ lyze everything for a mile around." "And he needs a voice?" "Ay, sir, he must have a voice as heavy as the roar­ ing sea lion. When he has the voice ha must study pose. When he has the pose he must practice facial expression. To be a successful captain he must have a voice like McCullough, a pose like Barrett, and a dignity of look which might belong to an offended lion.--Bsc- cl tang e. LIT' UP YFB HAN'S. Ef ole Baton thinks he ken ketch <H« chile, LIT np yer ban'* ter de Livd;j He'll git mljrhty s»lck o' de tc >i*pul 'lh>, Lit* np yer hin's -cr de L^wd: He'd like fnr 'er to stick me in de bamla' lake, Llf'nr> ver han's tor de L»wd; Bat I knock* him down wid de heabenljr ejfegt Lit' aj>he- hsn's t~ de Lawd. OhI slnne" man, 0-o-»h, o-o-ah, O oaoher Come R ne >1e ban', O-o acher hi ho lioo. FM er leered dat 8atan hab ootch my wife, LIT no yer ban's ter de L<awd; Aa' ef she's below, she make er mighty BtrUe, LlC up yer han'* ter de Lawd; De debil will fine hi*»ef at HF*r IOHS, Iitt* np yar ban's tor de Lawd; Ter aee down dar dat be aln' de bona,. Lit' np yer ban's er de Lawd. Oh! my son!. O-o-ah, o-o-ah, o-o-acher e-e Will shine like ko1'» . _ j" O-o-soher hi ho ho* --Opit P. JReed, in Texas Siflings. A COMING KVKNT. When balmy arrow* the afr. Then housewives will prepare Their annual spring cleaning to oomraMMMt 'mence, menoe. Their husbands will look bine, And swear an oath or two^ And growl that women haven't not any iionsa. sense, sense. --Somerville Journal. The Skill of Prisoners. "There is a great difference in the me­ chanical skill of prisoners," remarked a gentlemfto interested in a firm which contraets for the labor of the prisoners at Wethersfield. The convicts are em- ployed daily upon machines for making shoes and as I say there's agreat differ­ ence among them." "In what respect?" ^ "Well, a long term man, one who has been sentenced for a series of years, goes to his work with eagerness, and seeks by constant and hard labor to make the days of his confinement pass by as rapidly as possible. By this means his mind is kept free from dis­ agreeable thoughts, and by jiight the work he has accomplished during the sunlight enables him to rest easy. On the other hand the 'short term' meu, such as tramps and others sentenced for minor offenses, pay but little atten­ tion to their work, and pass their days in fretting and longing for their release, If it could be helped I wouldn't give much for the average 'short termer.' "What class of prisoners are the best workers ? The burglars - - especially those who have been engaged in rob­ bing safes--are by all odds the best. It seems a queer thing to say, bnt I am always pleased when a bunk burglar is sentenoed to State Prison. I am quite sure then that he will be a good work­ man. Four bank burglars were re­ cently sentenced from Fairfield County. I am now on the lookout for their ar­ rival."--Hartford (Conn.) Post, At the Window. "Mamma," said a sweet four-year-old as she stood looking out of the window at the falling snow, "mamma, what's that?" • "That is snow, my c ear."* _ "Snow, mammfe?" * "Yes, child." "What makes it ?" "Oh, it comes from Heaven." "Then I know what it is, mamma." "Well, darling, what do vou think it far 1 "Why, mamma, it's only dandruff from the angel's hair." STATIONS for observing the habits, migration, and hatching of birds were tome years ago established in Austro- Hungary at the instance of Prince Im­ perial, and it is hoped that at the Or­ nithological Congress of Viennajin April arrangements will be made for estab­ lishing sooh stations in many other countries. THE following ages have, on the au­ thority of skilled arboriculturists, been attained by trees: Tew, 3,200 years; echubertia, 3,000; cedar, 2,000; oak,' 1,« 600; spruce, 1,200; limo, 1,100; Orien­ tal plane, 1,000; walnut, 900; oliveand cypress, 800; orange, 630; maple, 500; elm, 300. ______________________ ^ Know tliy neighbor; the proper study of mankind is to find oat who he is.