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7% "if t7^ (Tf1 - ^ r^*<wv«'7 - • •* "=•% - »tv , !„>•.• * '....,J" s~** * . « „ * , „ ; "Ttfr-J 5V% .y < ;",;r "v" ' f* \ > - - * *< * •< * A ^ . x&.,*4&Agfcj£i v' < w* k v ^-»ftl.|ll*< VOL. 10. ^ j f? ^ " * \ M'HENRY, ILLINOIS, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 25, 1885 >.:. ;S NO. 36. « .. ... .-,-.1' Pledged but to Truth,to Liberty and Law; No Favors Win us and no Fear ShallAwe/' • ?*&-• Jl^wy ̂ kkietlw. > *. . Pahlisiied Kv"-v Wednesday by 1. VA> SLYKE " EDITOt x*n POBUISIMS*. « "f Office in Bishop's Block, Nfc-' Jne rear (In Artvtae.*) If Not Paid within Throo Months 2.00 Subscriptions received for three or six nonths in the same proportion. Kates ol Advertising. w« annonnce liberal rates for advertising m the Pr.AiHi>EALER, an<l endeavor to state them so plainly that tliev will be readily un^ iergtood. Tliey arej&a fiollp\ys: 1 Inch one year « • • 5 ®® t Inches one year', - - * • « in no ^ I n c h e s o n e y e a r * - t * % » , 1 5 0 0 If Column one yeufr' - . . . . 30 00 If Column one year1- • Column one year • • • • 100 00 One inch means fhe mefnunement of one nch down the column, single column width. Yearly advertisers, at the above rates, have the privilege of changing as often Ui» they •hoose, without extra charge.1 Regular advertisers (meaning those having Standing cards) will be entitled to insertion •f local notices at the rate of 5 cents per line each week. All others will be charged 10 cents per '.ine the fl st week, and Scents per line for each subsequent week. Transient advertisements will be charged at the rate of 10 cents pe line, (nonpareil type, same as this is set in) the first issue, and i cents per line for subsequent issues. Tl*es, ftn inch ad vertiseinent will cost $1.00 for one week, $1.50 for two weeks, *2.00 for three weeks, and so on. The PLAINDRALER will be liberal in giving •ditorial notices, but, as a business rule, it will require a suitable fee from everybody seeking the use of its columns for pecuniary gain. BUSINESS CARDS* * ' i* II. T. BROWN* M.D. PBVSICIAX AND SURGEOV. OfflcS over the Post Offlce, opposite Perry A Martin's More III> stairs, iicllenry, 111. C. H. FEU EUS, M, D- IVirsiCiAK A.XD StTKGEOtf. McHenry, I Ills. Offlce at Residence, on the Corner, Opposite Blake's Furniture Store. O. J. HOWARD, M. D. t>HVSlOIAS AND SCRGEON. Offlce at I my residence, opposite M. B. Ulnirch, HrHenry. 111. '• jl:: BUSINESS CARDS. BAKBIAN BROS. '* \ CIGAR Manufacturers, McHenry, 111; **r-de<*s solicited. Shop, li Old McHenry, Keiter Block, two doors west of Pf.AiN- JEAIJKR Office. TON, D. C llro nor WltolMi Capital. Conveniently located and accessible to all th«treet car lines of the city. Crpen all they O.G.STAPLES, PROPRIETOR. Late of the Thousand Island House. I: !•- OPENED AGAIN! Robert Schiessle Having purchased the old stand of Joseph Wiedemann, * ; ( NEAR THE DEPOT, McHENBY, ILLINOIS, , * Has opened the same as a first.class ' Saloon and Restaurant, Where he will at all times keen the best brands of Wines, l.iquors and Cigars '2;.' •>... to be found in the market. > r' Also Agent For FRANZ FALIi'S MILWAUKEE LAGER BEER Beer In Large or Small Kegs or Bottles al­ ways on hand, cheaper than any other, quail- •jrconsldsrtid. Orders by mail promptly attended to. ' " GOOD STABLING FOR HORSES, 49*0*11 and see ns. Robert Schiessle. McHenry, III., Sept. 1st, 1884. M A R C U S ' CERMAN l-i- I;' Manufactured by F. MARQITS -DEALER IN-- , / PURE WINES, LIQUORS CIGARS. AliD ^oodstock III , .Ipie beat Tonic in the world. fHtotand Quart Bottles. Put up in P. MARCUS, Patentee. ASA W. SMITH, : Woodst ook, 'ikfii '.»• Ulinoif Backed by Millions of money offer IJfDEMJfITT against damage by yon ASA W. SMITH, ATTORNEY AT LAW ami solicitor in Chancery.--Woodstock, III. JK*3E A. BALDWIN, ATTORNEY AT LAW. Law bneine^s in Every part of the State receives prompt attention. Room 24, 99 Washington St., Chi­ cago, III. S. F. BENNETT, M. D. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. Also United States Examining Surgeon. . Richmond, Illinois. THE CHICAGO T I A. S. CHILDS, M. D., HOMEOPATHIC PHYSICIAN AND SITR. GKON, West McHenry, III. Cains promptly attended to, <^ay or night. DR. C. R. WELLS. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, Wauconda, Lakt Co., 111. All calls promptly attend, ed, day or night. Office on Main St., east of Barker's harness (hop. MARY <i. BARBIAN. ,TTAIR WORKER. All kiuds of Hair IX Work done in tlrst class style and at reasonable prices. Rooms a t resilience, north­ east corner of Public Square, McHenry, IIL 4„ DR, C. E. WILLIAMS. DENTIST. Residence Dundee. Will be at McHenry, at Parker House, the 10th 11th 25th and 2fith of each month. When dates occur Saturday or Sunday 1 make my visits on the following Monday, and the first day of such visit occurs on Friday, I will stay but one day. W. J. CUTTERIDGE, TEACHER OF INSTRUMENTAL MITSlC. Term* reasonable, and satisfaction guar­ anteed. Rooms at Mrs. L. A. Clark's, Mc- Henrv, 111. A. M. CHURCH, Watchmaker and .Jeweler NO. 35 FIFTH AVE., Chicago, 111. Special attention given to repairing Fine watch­ es and Chronoine ters. WA Full Assortment of Goods in his line AT THE OLD STAND, JACOB BONSLETT, ^ALOON AND RESTAURANT, at the old J stand, opposite Bishop'.* mill, McHenry, III. The choicest Wines, Liquors and Cigars to be found in the county. tVarui or cold meals on short notice on application. GOOD STABLING FOR HORSES. J. PEKOVSKY, CIGAR MANUFACTURER, Wholesale and Retail Dealer. HANDLES nore but his own make,and will compare his Brands with the best made in the Stale. Store ami Manufactory next door to rhe Post Office, McHenry, IIL El A STOPPED FREE • • Marvtleus succttt. • • Insane Persons Restored • • •SDr.KLINEB GREAT • • NERVE RESTORER >R«/?BRAIN FT NRRVB DISEASES. Onfyturt urg for N*rvt Affections. Fits* Epiltpsy* €tc. \LLIDUH if taken as directed. No J*iis aftt* d<ry*s ure. Treatise Atii $2 trial bottle free to >atients, they paying expresschargeson box whes ved. Send names, P. O. an 4 express addrest ol ted to DK.KLlNli.o'U Arch St..Phi1%delphU,Pa. gists. BEWARE OF IMITATING FRAUDS. SHORT HAND BY MAIL. Thoroughly taught by practical stenograph­ ers in Rdwell A Hickcox' Corresi>onilencc Class of Phonosrrapliy. Tuition (ft a term (12 lessons) two terms in the full course, The most popular, the largest, the oldest, mo?t re­ liable v.lass of shorthand In existence. Through it hundreds have acquired a thor. ough knowledge of Phonography. Write for particular)- and ciiculars. R0WELL & HICKCOX. Boston Xui American agents for Isaac Pitman's Phono- praphic Books, and dealers in all Shorthand Book* and supplies. The American Shorthand Writer. ' (FOURTH YKAB.) The Cheapest Shorthand Journal in the United States. Each number contains far si'nile reporting notes of eminent stenographers in the various systems of Isaac and Ban Pitman, Graham, Mnnson, Takgrafy, etc., and all the news in­ teresting to the profession. Contributed to by leading stenographers. SI!list;IPTION si.00 A VKAR. Single lumbers, 15 Cents. Row ELL & HICKCOX, Boston, Mass. DO YOU KNOW THAT Having recently fitted «p our snop near the bridge, we are now prepared to furnish our customers with Fresh aid Salt Meats, OF ALL KIND?, Sausage, Smoked Meat, &c., - AT THE- Liying Prices, We buy none but the best ot Meats, and flatter ourselves that we can offer our ens. tomers meats in better Shape than any other stoop in this section. Thankful for past favors we solicit a con- tinuanieof the same, and we will guarantee to satisfy you both in quality and price. A- M FRETT. McHenry, III., March 17th, 188*. PUMP REPAIRING, CEMENTING, ETC. The undersigned is prepared to do all jobs it the line of Digging Wells, Retiring Pumpe, Cementing Wells, or will put in New Pumps On short notice and warrant satisfaction. In short will do all work in this line. Can : Wtisb you a new Pump, either wool ^ iron, warranted, as cheap as any other man. Good references furnished if desired. If you want a Well Dug, a Pump Repaired era new Pump, give me a call. i9"Orders by malt promptly attended to. Post Olttce, Johnsburgh, III. L. BANTES. Johnsburgh, 111., May 25th, lw4» yilcX STAt>ip He. WIG HTM AN, Proprietor. rir»t • class rigs, with or without drivers furnished at reasonable rates. Teaming ot all kind# do«« on short notice. 4lAWaa«d BBSIAHRAHT Buck's Old Standi McHENRY, ILLINOIS. fine Kentucky Liquors, French Bitters, McHenry Lager Beer, Phil. Brat's Uilwauktt Bnt By the Bottle or Case. We buy none bnt the best and sell at Reasonable Prices. Call and see me and I will use you well. ANTONY.ENGELN. McHenry, JL1L, 1884. Plug Tobacco, Plrsv Lightning, Wind Storms* ' CYCLONES AND TORNAVOK& l)rop me a postal card and I will visit you ; call on me and I Will write you a policy, am( waen either or any of the9e destructive elei •tents devastates your property, happy will you be if you hold one of my policies, for I Will surety visit you, and minister unto you. 1 will not forsake yon. ASA IT. SMITH, <J€n'l Inmiance Apt jsfAWe carry the largest line of Clotb- 'itig In the market, and our prices are always as low aa good goods can be cold Henry Colby. With Red Tin Tag; Rose Leaf Ftnfi*Cht Chew ing; Navy Clippings, and BJp<rtc; Brown and Yellow Snuffs ure the busy #nd the choieest quality considered.* A t t e n t i o n H o r s e m e n ! I would calf the altentfion ot the public to my Stable ot Stock Horses, four in number: two Morgans, one 3-4 Percheron, and one Imported Horse. They are all good representatives of their breed. Also a few Merino Sheep ii r sale. The public are cordially invited to call and examine stock, get prices, etc*. No business done on Suuday. N. S. COLBY. 10-7-tf MCHENRY, ILL Culver House, * RICHMOND. ILL. C.N. CULVER, - - PROPRIETOR. HAVIN3 recently purchased the above House, I have put it in thorough repair, with new furniture throughout, and would respectfully invite the patronage of the trav­ eling public and others. The tables will al­ ways be provided with the best that can be procured, and polite and attentive waiters will be in readiness atall times to attend to the wants of gneals. No pains will be spared to make tins a First Class House. Large and commodious barns on the premises. Free Omnibus to ami from all trains. Sample Rooms on first floor. 9HDXB TBI BISfc, ^ NEAR THE DEPOT, West McHenry Illinois. You Will Again Find. "Uncle Ben" Atall hours ready te showjold customers siml new oues a choice line of FRUITS, REQCEBIBS AND ' PROVISIONS. To exchange for the Produce of theOoaatry or even Cash, for what it is worth. B011BT C. 1EM1TT, -BREEDER OF <v. %iokm^j.dh ^.:FOWLS r #fCHMOND, ILL. (FIRST PREMIUM \T MCHEKBT COCICTr FATK ) Mv fowls are of the celebrated DITKE OF YOlilv strain, remarkable tor their great size and laying qualities. I can show a trio of last season's chicks weighing 31 pounds. Eggs, per setting of thirteen, fl.50, delivered to purchaser in Richmond, Shipped, securely packed, 92.0a ROBERT G JBEAWBTT Cannod Goods, &reen ui Dried Fruits, And in short everything usually kept in a 11 rat class Grocery, and at PRICES as Low as the Lowest, quality of Goods considered. fiTThe Highest Market Price paid for all kinds of Country Produce. , B. GILBERT. West McHen*y, III., Sept. 16, 1884. 10-9-3m. For "History, Romance and Philosophy of Great 0 American Crimes and Criminals." The most startling book ot recent vears. Biographical, Pictorial, 161 .Superb Engravings with personal Portraits of the Celebrated Criminals. GSR Royal Octave pages. Low retail price, $2 5C. It is a work of art as well as of thrilling historic interest. Is bound to produce a profound impression. Agents sell it by the thousands. A grand chance for canvassers. Apits ff3ite4.«S«'€s prolitable hook published; or, to save time, semi 76 cents at once for cinvassing Hook and state your choice of townships. Address n. u. THOMPSON & Co., Publishers, St. Lonis, Mo. or i>ew York City. Soldiers' Department, CONDUCTED BT D*. & F. BKNNKTT. County CU A- R. Directory. RICHXOSD POST NO 2W. Meets the flrst and third Friaaj evenings of each month. Da. S. F, BKNNBTT, Com. WOODSTOCK POST, KO 108. Meets the third'Monday evenings of each month. ^ • B. N. SMITH. Cora. " NITNDA POST, WO , MeeU the first and third Wednesd*y even la^of each month. WM. Burma, Com. > 5 HA8TAKD P*>8T, NO 2.VV llfeetk the second and fnanh Monday cvev ings ot each month. ^ , DR II. T. tf OODRUFF. Com. . • «VBT.W . ••V-e-t, Vet" What doeslt mean, Upon yon soldier's faded coat? His hand Is hard and ron|Aand brown, I sec a scar along his thTMt; • His eves seem looking ffcriiff still; - , »i j'close-shut mouth is Arm and grim. Mother, what means that little word, Upon a sleeve so worn add dim?" ' It means, my child, that Has wielded musket taw. Has sent the iron thnndelE And tuned ths seng of It means that, steady, •< He fairly won that rac_. While voii and I sat sate a And read the news aben: What wonder if the moatl That sa d so many swlf Life's common words am Beside these earnest ba What wonder if the gat* And von<ler strangely The eve that has looked Ilis linage may no. soo». And this is what it mean^i' The title "veteran" oft To march through flood - Where Southern rifles _ To serve the guns In rifla. To sleep beneath the sir To dream of home, and *" To see a comrade drop To hear and l\eed the feaWHi song Which whistling mlnaWHtlets sinf, To ftint and fall, and KnMHg lie For one coo! draught fMKtOcky siMrtng. And this, my child, is xv|^B* »ays, • That little word of lett^Kihree, Go, clasp his hand, and gfif htm thanks, For battles fought for yidysand me. --[Exchange. ed hand nd well;.:.. chins: s eh and t sear, he war. grim ood-byea?" breath, -cries Ira, rs yet? ight atd U etd.or l p the in to war, G«n. Grant ia a v writer. Ufa Century battle of Sliiloh wat written six times bel It go to the printer. lug a history of t flnlslieri 1200 or* 1 manicrplt. Not long after ttM BMU Run, a certain Major 3 •' "p1. of the rebel anny. called on Geu. «|oe Jolitiston at y ; painstaking rticl) on the tten and re- he would lei Is now <vrit* ar, and hits >a^e.« of tli* sight in his front and already begi 1- iiliig a movnneat to flaok liis position. His division ha 1 been badly out np and demoralized, and he was at that IUO ment witiiout a Biugie piece of artillery. The brigade « ood between the Con­ federate right and t!ie road to Chnt- tanooga. Let th^m flunk or crd«h this brigade aitfl^^VAvere on tlie flank of the Federal line or" battle. Wood renllisiMl tin si^ia'tlon. and. although outnumbered thr«>e to one. he determined to bft wiped out right there rather than give away. He had fair cover in the shape of fences, walls, and standing timber, and to reach him the Confederates must cross an open valley. Across .the c 'uteivof this valley ran a fence, a pfirtiou of which stands there to-day. It is mostly of stone, with heavy logs resting *n top. Wood suddenly realized that If he coul! secure and hold the fence Jie could make his infer! >r force a match for the enemy preparing to move The Confederate commander saw the value of the position at the same moment, and it was a quest ton of which side should get there first. On the Federal side it rested with t e One Hundred and Twenty-fifth Ohio, that regiment Leing nearest the fence. When ordered forward the m^ngripped their muskets at a "trail,'1 pulled down their caps, and lowered their heads, and.at the word they rushed as il breasting a hailstorm. M«re than one poor fellow went down under the rain of bullet^ and fragments of tdiells, but the fence was reached and cover ob­ tained. Tliej Sixty-fourth, Sixty-fifth, and Fifty-eigth Indiana followed, and the whole brigade were scarcely under cover when the Confederates were within a stone's throw. They had to give back before the terrible fire, and for a time were badly demoralized. Before they could flank Wood out of his position, the gap i« t i£ lines had been filled. 4 '* eral la, arriving which was tent. When ied there was , and some ffl^taeath his headquarters lit just In time for served In the ge the meal was nearly a inovement undefc tiling like aya#n* it, the major at the same time feeling something heavy roll on his feet. Raising the cloth, Gen, Johnston look­ ed down and remarked: "Jackson smells the dinner at last; I know he must be nearly famished." "It was the only time 1 ever saw Stone will Jackson," says the major. He had been without sleep for three days when he reached Johnston's tent, and tumbl­ ing down in the centre of it the table was set over him. A Milwaukee special says: Brigadier General H. N. Strong has been dis­ covered in Milwaukee living in most destitute circumstances, and has been In charge of the agent ol a charitable institution. With President Arthur, lie studied at Union College, at Sc te- nectady, and was graduated in 1849. He went through the civil war, and was made brigadjer-General at the battle of G •inesville, while In command of Morley's Division. He is a strong sup­ porter of Gen. Fitz John Porter, who commanded at the battle. He was graduated as B. A. and M. A., and serv­ ed as rector «f several Episcopal con­ gregations at diflerent points, his last being at Baton Rogue. He eaine to Milwaukee In 18S0, after having mar­ ried a beautiful Southern lady thirty years his junior. He is now about fifty-live years of age. He speakes with great reticence of his cirumstances, and«ppears to be very prqud. Don't Be brono*. ttomrades have you been suspended or dropped from the roll for non-pay­ ment of dues? A sense of pride, If nothing else, should induce yon to rectify this at once, Our order a hive in which a drone Is a deteriment. Every man should be a worker for the good of the cause. Do you ever re­ flect that in a few yearscomparativcly there will be no Grand Army of the Republic? The Orler is to a large extent, vety exclusive; we can only admit to our ranks honorably dis­ charged soldi'irs, s.iilors or mariues who served in the war between April, 1861, and July. 1865. When these are all gone the Grand Army must go with theto. Why not then stand together in this grand companionship while we may? We earnestly plead with all comrades who are in arrears to pay up and be.cnce more active, zealous :nem« berg In good stand.ng. Any Post Ad­ jutant will tell you it actually "makes him sick" to look over his Descriptive Book and see the names of comrades "dropped." Let every comrade try to remove this stain from lbe records. Value of a F«n«M. * £»«rtrolt Free Press.] During the battle of Chlckamauga, General Wood, commanding a division, in making H change of position on the left near Roseville, sud enly found himself n command of only a single biigade, with the Confederates in full c A8I.KKP «!* OUfY. a sentry Kscaped Death. BV GEORGE W. OKSTKR. * TOST Vo. 48, P<culxvilleip(|kW<: Stout and Mail. ?' In 1863 I was stationed at East Mon­ roe, being a member of Battery C, 5th United States Artillery, the following story I heard from trustworthy sources: During the presence of the 112th Pennsylvania Regiment at the fort, a privato was stationed one night as a sentry upon the ramparts over the ord­ nance gate, and as many a poor fellow tu« average asleep. The officer or the srnaraTlu his prefer landseape reg.dar rounds, came upon him sitting there,Oblivious to tlie world about liiin his £un between his knees. The officer took the guu an I left the sentry, is lie supposed, unconscious of the act. But just at the moment he lost Ills gun he became aware of what had happened, but had the presence of mind to keep quiet, and the officer passed away on his round upon the ramparts, the dis- tanc>. by the way he had to go, beiug over half a mile. The officer traveled on, feeling assured of his vie iui, and in due time reached the guard house. deposited the gun thus obtained, upon the rack, ordered the two reliefs to fall In, and then sent the corporal of the guard after the offending sentry. Bo ing instructed that lie had. no gun, the corporal went as directed, but was sur­ prised to find the post In charge of a musket, and »f course, as he had no business with a man armed, he return­ ed to the guard house where the officer and reliefs were anxiously awaiting his return, and reported what he had ob­ served. The officer was Incredulous and would not be convinced, but said that the corporal was a bungler, and then, determined uot to be outdoue; sent the sergeant of the guard upon the same errand. He went, and in due time returned with tir; saine story. Then the officer went himself, as he was iu danger of being ridiculed, and when he got there, sure enough, there the sen­ try was with his gun, marching up and down, and all thqse at the adjacent posts were arm -d and on duty also. As soon as the officer of the guard was out ol sight he rushed down from the rampart, crossed the headquarters garden, jumping tiie fences, and made an air-line for the guard house. Then he called out a member of the guard, one ot his own company. In whom he could confide,stated the si tuation,gave the number of his gun. and then took his comrade's gun and scooted back to Ills post. The comrade, of course, was on the lookout for the officer of the guard to come in, watched him put the captured gun upon tlie stack, and when the order was given for the reliefs to fall in, made sure of the piece just de­ posited, and marched out with it, and knowing the number of that gun. gave it. The numbers all being correct the officer was nonplussed and concluded that that there must have been a collu­ sion between two of the sentinels--the one he relieved and the one next to hlin--and as he was unable to say which he had disarmed^was compelled to drop the matter, the trtuli of which be has mohably never yet found out. J'i' " Many forget that the hair and scalp needs cleansing as well as the ban s and. extensive ui-e of Ayer's Hair Vig- ftr has prov> n that it is the best cleans­ ing agent for the hair--that it preven­ ts as well as removes dandruft, cools and soothes the scalp, and stimulates thevhRir to renewed growth i^id ty. ' '"-'"A.' ". • ' Written for the Plaindealer. >«MUC8i»KU'8 DROLLgKIK* " • ' No 11. " BtLL. D.. 8T. IXJUIS, Mil. MY DEAR BOB:-As you may be aware, this city has been honored by a visit from Mark Twain, the renowned crim­ inal, and Geo. W. Cable, th£ (in)famous novelist. They came especially to read to the public extracts from books writ­ ten by themselves, and charged for the same pe• capita a very handsome little admission fee. 1 was somewhat dis­ appointed in their entertainment, as, before I entered, 1 was under the Im­ pression that G. W. Cable would play origina' tunes on a drum,or a jewsharp while Mr. Twain sang hymns from the bo:»k recently issued by himself. Some of Mr. Twain's extracts scared ms In a hideous manner, and mora than oAce I wished myself at home safcTly locked up In the wardrobe. What'Mr. Cable read was even worse, as it drew tears fr>m my eyes until my nose grew red as a politician's. He could not possibly conceive how he wounded my feelings. But it was no disgrace to my manhood to cry, becauie lie reminded mo of my dear dead lap dog. Freddie John, whom I loved as a daughter. When I got out­ side again iu the chilly air my smoth­ ered disappointment and grief turned to bit er rage, and to ease my feelings I chased a policeman forty-one times around the block. In my cooler mo­ ments, when my eyes no longer shone with the fire of'passion, 1 greatly re­ gretted my hasty action, as, in all probability, he sustained Injuries of a serious n iture because of the alarm he was occasioned. Some pe.iple think It gteat sport to chase policemen, hut ( counder it real­ ly inhuman as well as childish. Are yon a member of aristocratic "society f A great numbsr ef motiied people who constitute this so called "society" have but one bump on their head to indie >te character, and that is the bump of ego­ tism. A man who has an exorbitant amonut of egotism, and abundance of wealth, can get along fairly well with but little brain to speak of, for what "society" requires is gold, not intel­ lect. Even a cannibal would be receiv­ ed with open arms If he had a good Urge bank account. . A phrenologist who examined my head pr-mounoed me a "blamed fool." upon which>*l got lip and knocked|his head clear through the other side of his he*(^,$o now he has to breathe o er his back, where his 3pine is--or ought to be. f Housekeepers in general d9 not reflect visitor would much scenery to Hie sttff locking portraits of friends or ances­ tors that gaze stoically out at one from gilded frames on the walls. To be sure, there are exceptions, especially If a friend or relative be a prptty maiden. I would prefer a charming female face to an Alpine sunset. I ti ied to we tr a pair of rubber pants the other day mere as an experiment, and I would much prefer wearing a double acting threshing machine, or a lady woman's bonnet. At first tliey bounced together making my legs fly as fast as a buzz saw,and then bounced me up on a picket fence, and from there inio the open window of a strang­ er's house. It was criminal to intrude on privacy iu that manner. The owner tried to turn me out, but tho«e pants banged me up against him until lie fainted--ah! he fainted. Ue did not know what had got into his house, but lie probably thought it was a Southern chivalry--thit rare bird. I bounced out. again, but fortunately fell Into a coal hole, and but for that, I would now be up In Canada soinewhers getting in scrapes, and bouncing, unable to stop myaeif. However. I have always want­ ed to see Canada. There is a saying that it takes a fool to make a tire, and if such is the easel must be a regular soaring genius, for I could no more make a fire that would burn than I could make a pie out of horseradish. An old maid and myself ran for a position to help light city street lamps, and as sure as a gun she got Uie most votes. She got the entire Irish vote and most of the Chinese, Politics are like patent medicine--the less you have to do with them, the better. A young lady, who considers herself quite an artist, sent me an oil painting representing as I thought, an over­ grown boy chasing a red Tom cat with a very blue tail; a trtickground of aa- sorttfd mountains, and other scenery. If, while struggling in this world for the many wants of self, we are made the object if some little act of Hudness it is perfectly natural we should feel toward the person from whom Itema nated the liveliest emotions of grati­ tude aud est'em. And it was to wake kuowu these feelings that t took up my pen and wrote the following note:-- MISS RUSSET; Dear Madam:--Many thanks for f Ue large boy, and the little cat. The mountain scenery js exquisite and original. I n«ver s"a» anything like it. 1 will hang it up down cellar where I car. go down and gaze at it without fear of interruption from the hired girl. The red kid boot hanging up on the hickory nut tree is a very fine piece°of idealism, and Is only equaled by the large cottage on top ot the moiiMtian. The hyena up In the tree eating oranges seems to be in a happy frame of mind, and I am greatly pleas­ ed with the pink gras-t. The pu-apkins growing mi the trees, too, are fine. Yours Very Truly, . LOVRLL DRKSS&R. But the reply she sent In answer to the note was surprising--especially %m me. It read:-- 1 MR, DBKSSER:--I think VN might 1flnd better employment tnan that of ridiculing my studies in art, for by doing so you only show your Ill- breeding, and that you do not appreci­ ate the beautiful. Of couri6 T<X» knew or ought to know, that tlril sarcastically called "a large ooy" none other than Daniel a cinnamon bear, and not "a cat. The huge "b'ot," •• yoa UMOttiy called it. is plainly a bird** MM, and how in the world you CVtild fetetako the golden sun just peering «o»r the mountains for a cottage Is Beyond ay comprehension. The "hyena," of coarse is a frisky monkey, devouring cocoa nuts. If you were not a fool yoo would know pumpkins do not grow on tree*-- tliey grow on bushes. That Is an apple tree, however. The grass is grass. shall expect you to apolMja*. Yours, etc., e4|BI JANE LEKTBCSSIT, If 1 am eyer again presented with * picture, whether done In oil or wattr colors, I shall only return a note con­ taining the one expression of "Thank you," and then 1 can not possibly got Into trouble. At I know your time to be limited I suppose I must cease, and claim yoar attention no longer. I embrace yen, "and our spirits rush together at tbe meeting of the lips"--ai the girl said when she kissed her pug dor. Yours Immediately, - ^ . . . . . . . L O V E L L . , ..1 i, in Till Jajr-Kyo-Seo's Rival. - Jay-Eye-Sae's nose is out oft Joint, Her owner has a new pot, "J, T. Case*? said a Wisconsin man who sat in Broil* er Schwartz's office, "lias a grandaou now that has altogether supplanted the famous Jay-Eye-See in the jmfl mil­ lionaire's heart. When the miil!onater*s youngest daughter lost tier heart it went into' the possession of a voung fellow who had no money, and who had simply a moderate place in * the Racine plow work). "Oh, yes tike her if you want to, you don't get auyihing with her though; not a d--d a penny,** was the answer which the vuitorgot when he asked for the old man's consent. Then was only a modest wedding, ait A then the couple moved into a little oottage rented by the husband. "G We 'em a house? No, Let 'em hustle," was tbe way the old man met a plea from tlio girl's mother. "Didn't wit have to hustle, eb! Are they any kietter*n us?" The old man went Along thousands on his gelding. couple moved along In : J&i got around every day ; paid Ms promptly aud saved a little money. Then came a little youngster--a boy. Rough old Case got around to seo It; got around oftener after that., Ho used to dance tiie boy on bit knee. 4,W hatcher go In* to oaii htm?" hi blurted out one day. "We thought we'd name htm after his grandpa," said the pretty young mother. "Seo here young fellow," said the rough man of money, who started lift as a blacksmith, "here is 1100,000 for you. m start iu you In business.** Now the old man dances the grand­ son on his knees, the young man hus­ tles on his own account, the yoanp mother looks prettier than over, ar.d Jay-Eye-See's nose Is completely broken* ; « 1 f !h»l Remark The following story of the late mis­ tress of the White House occurred at her reception about two weeks ago. Among others who were presented to her by the master of ceremonies, Mai> ahal McMichael, was Dr. Mary Walker. Tliis nondescript personage, ^rearing tight trousers and a little caat and carrying a cane, presented a moat gro­ tesque and ridiculous figure, utterly out af keeping with tbe surrounding*. Mrs. McElroy spoke a word or two to her unexpected guest;and as it so hap* pened, the next person that was pre­ sented to her was a Miss Mann. To her Mrs. McElroy made the neat remark: "I have iust been presented to a woman who would like to be a man.' I am pleased now to meet a Mann: who Is content to remain a woman." I^TThe editor of the Dqsdweoil Roarer attended church for the (first time last Sunday. In about an hour bo rushed Into the offlce and shouted to the telegraph editor: "What in the blanked blase* ar* yoat fellows doing? How aboq£; l|U* now* from the seat of war?" "What uews?" "Why, all this about the Egyptian army being drownod la tho Red sea. Why, the gospel sharp up at the chucch was telling about it luet now, and not a word of it tn this morning's paper. Bustle round, you fellow, and get tho facts, or the Snap Shot will get a beat on us. Look spry there, and run aa extra edition if necessary, while i pat on the bulletin toard, 'Great EacUsh V i c t o r y i n t h e S o j d a n ! " -- m a > <H«4Xik/W. , .. ^ Nottoe*;- M To the holders of McHenry County Orders, notice Is hereby glTOP that on the 1st day on April, 188B, I will pay M the following 6 p^r oensVMO McHenry County orders: Nos. IS. 96. SA. 41, N, 62. 77. 78. 87, 136, 13ft, 161. 178, 18S «nd 191. Interest will cease on tbe abovo County orders on the let day Of April A. D., 1885. JAMES NISH. County Troa*. Wpodatock, 111. Fob. 97,1886, - - » 5 fh ' . „ •f'l.afc... J * . / n t A , ™ a u i f k .