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" #*- Pledged but to Truth, to Liberty and Law; No Favors Win us and no Pear Shall Awe.1 FVOL. 10. M'HENRY, ILLINOIS, WEDNESDAY. APRIL 22, 1885. 6HPJ PutilUbed Kv«-y Wednesday by I. VA>' SI [{ BDITOi \XD PCTBLISUER. Office in Bishop's Block, -OWMJTI PBREV- it birix's. ?;r * . -v TKRSH OF SUBSCRIPT* JUie tear (In .vtvance) S1JW If S<»t Paid within Three Months 2.00 Subscriptions received far three or six months in the same proportion. Kates of Advertisings announce liberal rates for advertising in the PLAINI>EAT,ER, and endeavor to state them so plainly ihatthey trill be readily tin. lerstoed. Tltey arejas follows: 1 Inch one year - - . - .5 00 2 Inches one year » 10 #0 I S I n c h e d o n e y e a r . - . . . 1 5 0 0 H Column one year . ,y • • - . •" 30ftfl H Column one year- - : . - BOM Column one year - - - . 100 00 One inch means the measurement of one nch d»wn the column, single column width. Yearly advertisers, nt the above rates, have the privilege of changing as often »asj they thoose, without extra charge.) Regular advertisers (meaning those having Standing cards) will be entitled to insertion •f local notices at tlie rate of ft cents per line each week. All others will be charged 10 'eente per *ine the 11;st week, and 5 cents per line for each subsequent week. Transient advertisements will be charged at the rate of 10 cents j>e line, (nonpareil type, same as this is set in) the llrst issue, and • cents per line for subsequent issues. Th'is, in inch advertisement will cost $1.00 for one week, $1.50 for two weeks, #2.00 for three weeks, and so on. The PLAlNDRAtyBR will be liberal in giving editorial notices, but, as a business rule, it will require a suitable fee from everybody seeking the use of its columns for pecuniary gain. BUSINESS CARDS. H. T. BKOWX.M. I>. PHYSICIAN .\>Jl» sums EON. Office over the Post Oilice, opposite Perry ft Martin's Store up stairs, Mcllehry, 111. C. H. FEGERS, M, IV 1>HVSI01AN AND SURGEON. McHenry, I Ills. Office at Residence, on the Corner, Opposite Blake's Furniture Store. O. J. HOWARD, M. D. (>HY3ICIAS AND SURGEON. Office at my residence, opposite M. E. Church, McHenry. III. BAKBIA.N BROS. CIGAR Manufacturers, McHenry, llh Or­ders solicited. Shop, In Old McHenry, M Keitcr Block, two doors west of PLAIN- HCALER Office. ' . Q WASHINGTON, D. C The popular palace hole! of the National Capital. Conveniently located and accessible to all the street car lines of the city. Open all tbe year. O. Gr. STAPLES, PROPRIETOR. Late of the Thousand Island House. OPENED AGAIN! Robert Schiesste Waving purchased the eld stand of Joseph Wiedemann, NEAR THE DEPOT, McHENIlY, ILLINOIS, lias opened the same as a first-class Saloon afcd Restaurant, Where he will at all times keep the|best brands of Wines, Liquors and Cig.irs j: to be found in the market. }]' • Also Agent For FRANZ FALK'S MILWAUKEE LAGER BEER Beer in Large or Small Kegs or Bottles al­ ways on hand, cheaper than any other, quali­ ty considered. Orders by mail promptly attended to. GOOD STABLING FOR HORSES. ; SWCall and see us. Robert Schiessle. McHenry, III., Sept. 1st, ISM. M A R C U S ' GERMAN Manufactured by F. MARG US -DEALER IN-- PURE WINES, LIQUORS AND F CIGARS. Woodstock, III. rK'.syiSruii;. *<""*• F. MARCUS, Patentee. DONT YOU FORGET IT! ASA W. SMITH, F- - - --OF-- ' •. Woodsl ock, - • Illinois. Backed by Millions of money, offer you INDEMNITY against damage by . Fire, Lightning, Wind Storing, K CYCLONES AND TORNADOES. *1 Drv>|i me a postal card and I will visit' you; call on me and I will write you a policy, and Wiien either or any of these destructive ele. •tents devastates "your property, happy will bo if you hold oue of my policies, for I Will surety visit you, and minister unto you. iwiu not forsake you. ASA W. SMITH, OHi'iJiMManO Agi. BUSINESS CARDS. ASA W. SMITH, ATTORNEY AT LAW and solicitor in Chancery.--Woodstock, 111. JESSE A. BALDWIN, ATTORNEY AT LAW. I,«W BUSINESS IN Every part of tbe State receives prompt attention. Room 24, 99 Washington St., Chi­ cago, III. S. r. BENNETT, M. I>. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. Also United States Examining Surgeon. Richmond, Illinois. A. S. CHILDS, M. D., HOMEOPATHIC PHYSICIAN AND SUR. GEON, West McHenrv, III. Calls promptly attended to, day or night. DR. C. R. WELLS. PHYSICIAN AND SURUKON, Wauconda, Lake Co., 111. All chills promptly attend­ ed, day or night. Office on Main ijt.* £Sst of Bafrker's harness shop. MART «. BARBIAN. HAIR WORKER, AH KNID« of Hair Work done in lirst class style and at reasonable prices. Rooms st residence, north- east corner ef Public Square, McHenrv, 111. DR. C. E. WILLIAMS. DENTIST. Residence Dundee. Will be at McHenry, at Parker House, the 10th 11th 25th and i!«th of each month. When dates occur Saturday or Sunday 1 make my visits on the following Monday, and the first day of such visit occurs on Friday, I Will stay but one dav. W. J. C UTTERIDGE, TEACHER OF INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC. Terms reasonable, and satisfaction guar­ anteed. Rooms at Mrs. L. A. Clark's, Mc­ Henry, III. A. M. CHURCH, Watchmaker and Jeweler NO. 3!i FIFTH AVE., Chicago, 111. Special attention given to repairing Fine watch es and Chronometers. *S^A Full Assortment of Goods in his line • AT THE OLD STAND, JACOB BONSLETT, CALOON AND RESTAURANT, at the Old J stand, opposite Bishop's mill, McHenry, 111. The choicest Wines, Liquors and Cigars to lie found in the county. {Varm or cold uieals on short notice on application. GOOD STABLING FOR HORSES. J. PEKOVSKY, CIGAR MANUFACTURER, Wholesale and detail Oealer. HANDLES nore but his own make,and will compare his Brands with the best mad* in the State. Store and Manufactory next door to 'lie Post Office, McHenry, 111. E|V ASTOPPED FREE H H Marvticus success. • • Insane Persons Restored • • Dr.KLINE'S GREAT NERVE RESTORER yr allBRATTF & NKRVB DISEASES. Oniy s*rt ure /!>r Ner^>t Affections. l'iist etc, ALLIBLH if taken as directed, A't» Fits a ftt* 'day's use. Treatise and $2 trial bottle free! >2 IV g Jnfflictei to PH.KLINE,< I Druggists. MEIVARB , r. (J. and express address ol :,91t Arch St.,t^tU%detphia,Fl» OF IMITATING FKAVVSk SflflET HAND BY MAIL. Thoroughly taught bv practical stenograph­ ers in Ruwell A Hickcox' Correspundence Class of Phonography. Tuition fS a term (12 lessons) two terms in the full course. The most popular, the largest, the oldest, n?o*t re- liable class of shorthand in existence. Through it hundreds have acquired a thor­ ough knowledge of Phonography. Write for particular* ami ciiculars. B0 WELL & HICKC X, Boston Mass American agents for Isaac Pitman's Phono­ graphic Books, and dealers In all Shorthand Bookt and supplies. The American Shorthand Writer. (FOURTH TEAR.) The Cheapest Shorthand Journal In the United States. Each number contains fac.simile reporting notes of eminent stenographers in the various svstemsof Isaac and Ben Pitman, Graham, Munson, Takgru'fy, etc., and alTvhe news in­ teresting to the profession. Contributed to by leading stenographers. N. SUBSC1FTION ai.00 A YtCAR. ' Single Numbers, 15 Cents. Row ELL A HICKCOX, Boston, Mass. YOU KNOW THAT Plug Tobacco, With Red Tin Tag; Rose Leaf Fine Cn». Chew ing; Navy Clippings, and Black, Brown and Yellow Snuffs ure the best and the choieest qualjty considered. Attention Horsemen! I would call the alteutfion of the public to my Stable ot Stock Horses, four in nutuber: two Morgans, one 3-4 Percheron, and one Imported Horse. They are all good representatives of their breed. Also a few Merino Sheep i.' r sale. The public are cordially invited to call and examine stock, get prices, etc. NQ business done on Sunday. N. S. COLBY. 10-7-tf McHKNKY, ILL Culver Houses RICHMOND. ILL. C. N. CULVER, - - PROPRIETOR, HAVIN3 recently purchased the above House, I have put it in thorough repair, with fnew furniture throughout, and would respectfully invite the patronage of the trav­ eling public ami others. The tables will al­ ways l>e provided with the best tint can be procured, and polite and attentive waiters will be in readiness at all times to attend to the wants of guests. No pains will be spared to make this a First Class House. Large and commodious barns on the premises. Free Omnibus to and from all trains. Sample Rooms on llrst floor. BOBSBT C. BUNUTT, -BREEDER OF- LittM Brahma RICHMOND, nifc (FIRST 11EMIUM VT MCHf.NRY COUNTY PAtR.") Mv fowls are of the celebrated DUKE OF Y'ORK strain, remarkable for their great sixe and laying qualities. I can show a trio of last season's chicks weighing SI pounds. Eggs, per setting of thirteen. $1.50, delivered to purchaser in Richmond, Shipped, securely >fOBBBTa MrAjrerr WM. H COWLIN [6CCCK88OR TO M. M. CLOTHIER] U. S. WAR CLAIM SOLICITOB AND ATTORNEY. ALSO NOTARY PUBLIC. Prosecutes pensiot or any other claims against the government, relating to the late, or former wais. Complicated cases and re­ jected claims made a specialty. If stamps are enclosed for reply, all communications Will bp promptly answered. - OffioeatEesidenoe, KADS0K ST., t W03D8T0CX, ILL. References by permission as regards char acter, business ability, reliability, Ac., Ac : Gen. John A. Logan, U. S. Senator, Chicago, Illinois. Gen. J.C. Smith, State Treasurer of Illinois. Hon. R Ellwood.M.C. Sth III. Dist., Syc­ amore, III. Hon. John C. Sherwin, ex-M. C. Sth III. Dist., Aurora, III Hon. A. M. Jones, U. S. Marshal,Chicago, III Col. Jas. A. sexton, Pres Union ^Veteran Club, Chicago, 111. Jetse A. Baldwin, Ass't U. S. Attorney, Chi­ cago, III. Messrs. Selz, Schwab A Co., Wholesale Boot andShoeDealers.Chicago.Ill. Also hundreds of county and home referen­ ces. PUMP REPAIRING, CEMENTING, ETC. T"he undersigned is prepared to do all joba in the line of Digging Wells, Retiring Purnpt, Cementing Wells, or will put in , New Pumps On short notice and warrant satisfaction. In sbort will do all work in this line. Can furmsh you a new Pum)), either woo I or iron, warranted, as cheap as any other man, Good references furnished if desired. *If you want a Well Dug, a Pump Repaired|era new Pump, give me a call, WOrdeis by mall premptly iittwted to. Post Oilice, Johnsburgn, 111. L. BANTES. j»., May 25tli, ltto-t. . { nn ' : IT K. WIGHTMAN, Proprietor. First XX ciass ri«,s, witbor without drivers furnished at reasonable rates. Teaming oi all kinds done on short notice. J. P. SMITH, MATCHMAKER § JEWELER, McHenry, - Illinois. H*vmg moved into my new store, one door K*st of Mrs. Searles' Millinery Store I am ntw prepared to show to the buying public as fine a stock of Watches, Clocks, Jewelry. Silver and Plated Ware, Astaibc found in the county, which I goffer \t prices thai cannot be beat. The Anest line o<* Pinger Hing-s, aver seen In this section.4^Also Agent for StePipular 9* 9 Ham« Stirlag M&ckint. A Fine Stock of CHOICE CONFECTIONERY, AND CIGARS. aiwavs on hand. 49*Call in. examine gotds an I !iarn prices. Kemember I will not be un l*rsold, quality of goods considered. J.P. sMim McHenry, III. JOct. 13, 1184. k SALOON and RESTAURANT Buck's Old Stand, McHENRY, ILLINOIS. Fine Kentucky Liquors, French Bitters, McHenry Lager Beer, Phil. Best's Uilw&okte Bsn By the Bottle or Cas». We buy none but the best and sell at Reasonable Prices. Call and see me and I will use you well. f ANTONY ENGELN. McHenry, 111., 1884. For '-History, '.Romance and Philosophy of Great American Crimes and Criminals." The most startling book of recent vears. Biographical, Pictorial, 161 Superb Kngravings with personal Portraits of the t;elebrated Criminals. 659 Royal Octave pages. Low retail price, #2 50. "It is a work of art as well as of thrilling historic interest. Is bound to produce a profound impression. Agents sell it by the thousands. A grand chance for canvassers. Send for particulars and be convinced that this is the most salsble and profitable book published; or, to save time, send 75 cents at once for c invassing lJook^and state vour choice of townships. Address K. D. THOMPSON- A Co., Publishers, St. Louis, Mo. •r s«w York City. *w Apts Wantel Men Wanted. To sell our Nursery products, on salary ami expenses paid by ns, oi, if preferred, on com­ mission. Work every month in the year tor energetic and reliable men. Business easily learned. Wages liberal. Terms and outfit free. Address, stating age and inclosing itamp, »• 6' UHA|B ft CO-L t (The Chase Nurseries.) M. T* SI for. 13 Weeks. The POI-ICE GAZETTE will be mailed, securely wrapped, to any address In the United States for three months on receipt of ONE DOLLAR, I.iberai disomnt allowed to postmasters, agents and ciffbs. Sample copies mailed tree Address all orders to BICHAED K F£, I is : f RANKHN SQV ARE, New York. MOW TO SAVE <IMHII by going |o the wetMcnown MERCHAMTVAILOR, Wauconda, III. --Dealer tn-- rOBBQV AID DDUISHC CLOTHS Of all kinds. Order you a suit of cltthes which is perfect fitting ami all WORK WARRANTED, Or money refunded. Herman ft. Maiman. Waucomla, March 23d, 18M. Smokers Call NICBXS For OR S CENT STRAIGHT CIGAR. S I L V E R T A G , Or 3 for a Quarter Cigar. OR 10 CENT STRAIGHT CIGAR. The Finest Goods Ever Offered FOR SALE BY All First-Class Dealers. RETAILERS ATTENTION. We advertise the above brands in the lead Ing St. Louis dailies, and your name will »p pear among the list of agenoics once a week tor 60 days from date of last purchase. *Vith first order we send 3 neat and ^pretty signs. We have one price for these good's from which there is no deviation, namely: Xickle Tag, #::5 00; Silver Tag, tfit.OO; Gold Tag, $70.00 >er 1000. We also carry the most extent ivo ine of Domestic, Key 'West and Imported Cigars in the country,'at bottom priccs. Sample orders solicited. (Snods guaranteed. Address. TAYLOR MF'G CO , St. Louia, Xo. H. P. II dll, Manager. T v<. SIBLEY!S gea4 for our ILLUSTRATED UJ DL BI'RIPTIVK cATALiMii'N OF prrnn Vegetable, Flower and Field OLLuA DIIIITC n-OHlMTifW. rLlllilQ PUBS nnii I•>!PLKMENT8 •riul klads, mailed KItKK on appllcatloa HIRAM SIBLEY & CO. ROCHESTER, N. Y. CHICAGO, ILL. ^822-326 E. Main St. 200-206 Randolph St W I N S L O W ' S "Vineyard" Roller Skates. For the best, most durable and easiest run­ ning Roller skates get tire ••VINEYARD." *'l the principal ltinks are usinir the "VINEYARD" Roller. Put up in All Clamp, Half Clamp and Strapped Complete. The demand for these skates is so great that they are kept in stock by all principal har I- ware dealers throughout the country. Manufactured by the Inventor and Patentee SAMUEL WINSLOW, WOBCESTElt, MASS. FOB BAQAIHS IS and Wood ---CALL OH-- E M. HOWE Opposite Bishop's Mill, #ho bas a completejline of the best stoves in the market, as well as a large stock of Mare, Mechanic's Tools, fill, COPPER & SHEET IRAN WARE, c And, -inffact, everything in the hardware «tove and tin lino. ' JIE WILL NOT BE UNDERSOLD. Call at his store before buying elsewhere lobbing and repairing promptly attended to 48-llemember, extra good bargains can al­ ways be obtained at Howe's. McHenry, Dec. 1, 1883. Soldiers' Department. CONDUCTED BT DB. S. F. BENNETT. Important to Ruptured Persons The Excelsior Rupture Cure M'fg Co., of Ogdensburg, N. V.. guarantee to cure any case of reducible Herr ia w.th their Remedies.,, THE RUPTURE PLASTER AND HEALINO Com POUND. This treatment is endorsed by our I best Doctors', Druggists, and the general I public. Send Sets for free book on Rupture or «^yoarijraMirtfivtheRemed&'{ County C. A- R. Directory. RICHMOND POST NO 2M. Meets the first and third Frictftj evenings of each month. DR. S. F, BENNETT,|Com. WOODSTOCK POST, NO 108. Meets the third Monday evenings of each month. . B. K, SMITH, Com. MIMTT KMT, NO , .- Meets thelfirst and third Wednesday even­ ings of each month. . - W*. BUTLER, Com. HARTARDfPOST, NO 285. Meets the second and fourth Monday even- ings ot each month. * DR. H. T. WOODRUFF. Com. Ther« are 18,000 ex-soldlers who have wooden legs caused by the war of the rebellion. The I'residont has accepted an tn- vttatl' n to visit the battle-fleld of Gettysburg, next May. It has been said that the clause In the iaatPension bill providing tliat the ad­ mission ef a soldier to the array should be regarded as proof of his previous sound condition would cost the Govern- ment immense suras of money. The apprehension does not, however, seem to be justified, the proportion of this class of cases behig only about one in a hundred of the pension claims not yet allowed. CoinmiMiener of Pensions Black has decided that a mother can not he al lowed a pension as a dependent mother and accrued pension for her deceased husbaild for the same period of time. He says: "Upon careful consideration o( the laws relating to the subjcct I am of the cpinion that when two claims united in a persons making only one beneficiary, that person cannot be al­ lowed either directly or indirectly the benefit of two pensions for the same period of time. Such revisions of the statute, which declare the pension laws shall not be construed so as to allow more tlinn one pension in the same time t,o a person." The following case was presented to the new commissioner of pensions for decision. A man enlisted In a voluti- teer organization, served through his term, and was honorably discharged. Ue subsequently enlisted In" the pegy-' lar army, and before the expiration of his term of enlistment deserted. He was arrested and held in confinement for a short time awaiting trial. Upon trial lie was found guilty of desertion and sentenced to one year's imprison ment, which sentence lie carried Into eflect. Ho subsequently served out the remainder of his terra of enlistment. Some time "tince he received a pension certificate for an injury alleged to have been received during his first term ef service. By an Inadvertence In the pension office arrears of pension were paid to him covering the entire time of his service both in the volunteer and the regular army. The attention of the commissioner havinj^ been called to the case he ruled that the payments made for the time coveretl by the sec­ ond enlistment were erroneously made, since a man could not legally receive a pension for disability while lie was actually serving In the regular army ; that under the law the time of confine­ ment for desertion, the time awaiting trial, and the time spent tn making good hie term of enlistment in the regular army should all be regarded as attaching to r.nd being part of the sec- end term ef enlistment: that he should te lie Id to havo been in the service from the time of his second enlistment to his final discharge therefrom; the payments made on account of pe'ision during this term had been erroneously made, and should be deducted from his pension to accrue.-- I'eteran'e Advocate. CHARITY. The second of our cardinal principles is charity, And as holy writ says, "and now abideth faith, hope, and charity these three, but the greatest of t'lese is charity." consequently It must be true. Charity, it is said "covereth a multitude of sins." Whether or no the comrades of the Grand Army of the Republic have any sins, either of emis­ sion or commission, to cover, never- the less it is true, that in the light of Charity they are called upon about as often as any benevolent organization to relieve comrades either in tempor­ ary or permanent distress, though it is confined to but a few, and that few be­ comes less as the years roll on. Yet that few, had they justice done to them by the government, would have no need of this branch of the good woik of this noble order, an order, which if proper­ ly understood and appreciated, sus­ tained and encouraged, is destined to shed immortal lustre upou the soldier who braved death and hardship ter the saIvation of the Nation. The charity fund of the order has been subject to heavy drafts the past few years, with prospects that the demands will {in­ crease rather than diminish in the future. The comrades are growing old, and with age comes on the diseases whose foundation was laid in the swamps of the Chlckahomluy, on the banks of the Mississippi, or the mais- m itlc shores of the Carolinas.--Com­ rade, New White Goods and Embroideries mt rtrry A Oweo^s, - Written for the Plalndealer. ^ D ft R8S ICR'S DROIXKRlNa. * NO. 14. ' aift»ui>k,sr.u)tiM,ita. DKAR BOB:--A gentleman whom 1 have known for several years, and who will not steal much if you watch him closely, will soon visit your charming little tewu. 1 commend him to your courtesies, and any little k|nd^ees you may be able to show him, so yon do net lend him money, I will consider a per­ sonal favor. His name is Hiram V. Snoie. I consider that he poesestea literary gifts of a rare nature, and ID order to give you a better opportunity te judjfe of these sterling qualities, I will place before you a few extracts from his truly matchless works. He has a fine perception of the humorous, mingled with a love for all that is sacred, and it is in the following lines that these feelings arc predominant: A brick upon me swlftl v fell , From some new building strong; And came down with a rush pell-mell Ui>on mv head to lirmly dwell Like something heaven had flung! It Is evident that Mr. Snore consid­ ered the accident a divine dispensation of Providence, and lie took it all in per­ fect good humor. Leiser uiinds would have been angeted, and attributed the accident to some careless workman, perhaps. Mr. Snore does net excel alone in the field of humor, and sacred writings, but he also has a brilliant talent for the graver realms of tragedy. It is unsafe to read his grand poem en­ titled: "Where is the Dog? O, Sea." without taking the precaution to have a frying pan in the lap to cry into, for his pathos is wouderfully real. That you may better judge of the exciting qualities of the poem referred to I will produce a short extract from it for your perusal: Krom a dog without pity oh, who would not fl y ? Oh, some of the terror most surely would dlel Harkl Hark! 'Tis the mastiff ! He's scented this knare, This fool of a lover, a sweet woman's slave! Oh! soon I'll lie bleeding--oh, fly to my aid, pr low in death's Hgonies soon I'll be laid! Ah! now in my bosom no last hope remains- No more I'll see Ilan.iah-wish that dog were in chains! lie's sttrted the combat! Ye Gods, how I bleed! That dog has got teeth of a bust saw, indeed!. Oh, how hard lrom this World thus cruel te be driven! I'm dying--perhaps I'll meet Hannah in heav'n As the speaker reads the last line, his voice end6 in an audible sob, and tears dim the eye-balls. Like nearly all the poetic children of Xaturo, Mr. Snore is rery siwceptlbfe to the charms of Wo­ men, and it Is in the below poem that h« mixe? up his Mveelhcart with other beautiful thoughts In a masterly man­ ner. He writes, addressing a bumble bee This morning, when Mai Gee, and m«. Were talking of the gentle spriag^ I saw thee not, thou bumble bee, ; Nor thought upon thy direful stltig, But now in me thy sting is blue, And I am sure tit there to sti, I hate thee, and I cuss thee, too,' For paining me in such a way. , liereafter, do not fly at me. And on mv brow cast such a gloom; But go for .sally Gee, - ; Her cheeks have got the sweetest bloom, f'o.ild the wild wind playing un­ earthly numbers on the JEolfiin harp equal the superb richness of the above? We thirik not. In our estimation a whole brass band could not equal it. Although Mr Snore grab? the biscuit as a poet, he has also contributed valu­ able matter as a prose writer. His descriptive powers are so viv|d as to be almost marvelous. Read how grand- iy he depicts the aspect of the domes­ tic fowl, "The Hen:" He who lias net marked the gleaming eyeballs ot the hen without a ghastly shudder, is unvorthy ot having either sight or 6mell. Mark how stately the noble bird straddles aleut the nice old yard in search of putrid flesh, aud other good things, to eagerly deyour, (with her beak). The rooster la built on the largest plan, but labors under the disadvantage of being unable to lay an egg. We extend our right hand to him in silent sympathy. He cannot lay anything else, either. Nervous persons say the hen sings worse than a cheap music box. The hen is just ex­ actly the same as other birds, only, larger, and much tamer.. Noble fowl! You will always held a place in my human intellect! I like you very much. Now I will telate a little anecdwte as it fell from his lips. I would not care to vou ;h for its truth, however. He says it was % 'A Deplorable Accident:" In the Senate, to-day, as Senator Pend­ leton was in the midst of an exciting speech concerning apple pie, he sud denly fell through a hole tn his pants, and severed his jocular vein. It is feared he can nevsr again tell a joke when he hears it. Hereafter, his speeches will be devoid of hu nor, and will be merely Saharas of dry, barren facts. His grandmother is greatly un­ strung by the accident. Mr. Snore lias two muses--the Mu3e, and the Amuse--and he works them for all tliey are worth. Now comes another anecdote which I have every reason to believe strictly true: "Barkhoffer's Experience:" Geo. O, Barkhofier. a native of Kentucky, visit­ ed Jersey City, aud took a room at Southey's Hotel, on the top floor. In the middle of the night he was awak­ ened by a heavy tramping on tbe roof, directly ever his head, as if some giaut animal were walking uneasily about. Mr. Barkhofier, fearing lest it might be an elephaut, and dubious concerning the strength of the roof, hastily sum­ moned assistance. He and tip attend- «at JtfftMMl themselves, weot eut with beating hearts upen the roof, and If yi It was a Jersey mosquito! I could give you many more samples Of Mr. Snore's production, but believe I have given you all you car* to pertiM at present. Treat him kind'y for mj sake, and lock up your jewelry. HeJir very fond of jewelry. Yours Jabberingty, LOTBLL. WASHINGTON LKTTBK. Ft em Our Regular Corresponded t» WASHINGTON, April, 18th, IK" 1 Affairs In Washington have tery. materially quieted down during tho last week and the Mugwump old lino democrat and republican •** resting calmly side by side. With the exception of the trosbl# In the Isthmus no very weighty qoeo* tlon lias disturbed the soul of the ad­ ministration and that point was dealt #lth a vigor that wen general commendation on all sides. Whe democrats are very happy over the favorable turn o( political affairs In the Jocnl elections In Michigan. President Cleveland is highly gratMK ed, and feels that his conservative poK, icy of civil service reform meets with the approval of the people. The In*' dorse ment of the policy of the ne# administration was made an Issue In the contest. In reply to a question of yowr correa* pondent as to whether any further^ action had bean taken In tho case o£ Miss Sweet, the pension agent ai^ Chicago, whose real/nation has bee# aaked for, the commissioner of pension!^ said that nothing further had booit don*. He said that he did not kao#;, that anytl.ing further w«s require*! from his office. When aaked If the rat* signatlon would be fourthcomlng. Gen. Black smiled and said: "The Lor# made women." Democratic members of Cengreae are still grumbling about the policy of administration, and predicting manf evils if the offices are net turned over pretty soon. The Virginia delegation has dcclded that the Mahoqltoa mast be put out of all the offices they hold in the state at once, or tbe democrat!* party will be in a bad way at tho ant election there, and they will have 44 hard time to hoi 1 on to the menage* ment of state affairs. The Ohio men . are even more cut up. and the result of the munfolpal elections adds their discomfiture. Some of tlio mom* bers from the far south are complain* Ing. too, though they say that what they want is not to have the ̂ patron? age thrown into their own sect!oi| particularly, but to have it go where It will do the most good. They want the states that are naturally demo­ cratic, but have been held by republU can patronaga, and these like lillnoia •<$> and Michigan, which are "misalonary , states," to be brought over to the par- , | ty by unlimited patronage. A democratic member of Co igrese , said to me that he felt that there wa* no use trying to conceal the fact that /!, the party politicians were altogetherVN'||§ at variance with Mr, Cleveland, and ',-V that It would have its effect on th# state elections. He said that tho poll* ticians would find out who waa the administration candidate In ovary case, and would kuife him as Felger was knifed In New York aa a rebuke to Aithur. He thought tho admlnle* tratlon and the House would be to* * gether this winter on the tariff ant) land grant ferfoiture question and other questions relating1 to the rail* roads; but that if tbe President tried to force the suspension of silyer ooln* age the demcrats In the House would rebel against the administration. lip the mean time the masses steadily re* fuse to get very mnch excited Aver tbo matter. For a long time it baa been«the uus» torn of the members of Congress aud Senators to sign about all petition# presented to tbem It being tacitly understood at the depart men te that such endorsement was not to be give# any weight. But President Cleveland! Ijas been rather daiing the atateamefc by taking them at their word. A western Domocratlo Senator called a| the White House yesterday te prea» the appointment of one of his conatl*' tuents to an assistant commissioner* ship. "When I was practicing law> said the President, "I found that a|'v instrument in writing usually weighted an oral statement. To# senators seem to have a habit of eigif»s ing petitions for candidates, and theit^ ask verbally for the appointment ef^;! ethers to tho very position. I can't afford to waste time considering suet requests. Half the Democratic senator® have signed a petition for the reten*. tion of the iticubent of this piace. an|fv your name Is on the list. I don't knew ' the man. but he la oertalnly well li»>^ doised." "Oh, no!" said tho 8enatoiy I have not signed such a paper.*?;- Thereupon the President Is said to have ptoduced a petstlon bearing tho Senator's signature as stated. wi never* was so flattened out In my life," re* marked the Senator when narrating the iucident to a friend. "The fact il we sign almost anything, bet ft hat generally been understood that It means nothing. . •; Wm - ' m-- S&4 The celebrated Cortland SideSpria|v Buggy is the leader. Ask the 300 in thi* county what tbey think of theta^ Always eobewj ** •mz '<i: