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lamfltairr •m SC. Bilter aM >*(Jli»Mr. ILLINOIS 0S IAN AND THE ASCTDIAN. A MOBAIOTT. : % , "but it wttl«MM> lU iMl when M it printed. Tfce bfanl WilTtlw* be light, and the light diA. Hot, eineeT>e got my hand In 1*11 take a group of the children, When every man becomes his own photographer, BUY Ann--and every woman, too--the business of the professional will be paralyzed, and he will either hare to skirmish around by some other kind of employment, or go over the hill to the poor-house. It will be pretty rough on him, but 'every man for himself' is the motto in these days. Now tidy up the children, wash their faces, and comb their hair, and we'll soon have an artistic group of t9 em. Mr. Higglesworth prepared a plate, and when the children were pronounced ready, he arranged them in a group, threw a cloth over the back of the camera and his head, and prepared to "focus" them. "Humph! you are all there, but there seems to be too mnch promiscuousness about the group. Joe, place your right hand on Susan's shoulder, and stop your confounded snickering. Caroline, stop scratching your nose; and Tom, don't twist your head o£f trying to look around at your mother. Sary Ann, stand farther to the left, so they can't see you. Now, children, keep right still, and look cheerful and pleased, as if you had 10 cents to buy taffy, or I'll skin you--d'ye hear? Great universe! just look at 'em!" and he abandoned his camera, rushed up to the children, bumped their heads together two or three times, and posed them again. "Now remain in that position!" he commanded, peering through the lens. "Don't move, or I'll thrash you alL Now the thing has commenced." He removed the cloth, and gazed at his watch. "There--that'll do," he said, replac­ ing the cloth, and withdrawing the slide. "Now, let's see!" examining the plate after the negative had been devel- The man who conceived the brilliant oped. "One--two--three--four, you „> atoaettor remote of man," •. iBWWin, "is the Ascidian,*; ' !&•;• j k aoanty sortof water-beast ' iJJtjV ItM*, ninety million years at fcNtn j J9*6ore gorfllM eaine to bo, J#*" Went swimming up and down the B(B*. ; Their ancestors the pious praise, j And like to imitate their ways; v How, then, does our first parent live, ' V Whait lesson has his lile to give? Th' Ascidian tadpole, young and gay, Doth life with one bright eye survey, 4 Hie consciousness has easy play. ' ! He's sensitive to grief and pain, Hu tail, ami spine, and bears a brain, V" And everything that fits tho state Of creatures we call vertebrate. • B u t a g e c o n i e s o n ; w i t h s u d d e n s h o c k He sticks his head against a rock I ' . His tail drops off, his eye drops in. His brain's absorbed into his skin; He does not move, nor feel, nor know The tidal waters ebb and flow, j.But still abides, unstirred, * A sucker sticking to a stone. And we. his children, truly we ^ In youth are like that tadpole, free, J .. i And where we would we blithely go, _ V Have brains and hearts, and feel andkJIOW. ! ' Then age comes on 1 To habit we Affix ourselves and are not free; ' |Th' Ascidian'e rooted to a rock, "jAnd we are bond-slaves of the lock; JOur rocks are medicine--letters--law, JFrom these our heads we can not drawI .;/|Our loves drop off, our hearts drop in,. *And daily thicker grows our skin. Ah, scarce we live, we scarcely know, t • v The wide world's moving ebb and flow, ' The clanging currents ring and shock, -'But we are rooted to the rock. ">Aud thus at ending of his span.. ...Blind, deaf, and indolent, does man . Revert to the Ascidian. , ,, ^**hymes a la Mode, A. Lang. PHOTOGRAPHY AT HOME, ft* photographs of the idea of introducing the amateur photo­ graphic outfit should not be permitted to go down to his grave unhonored and unhu--that is, unsung. He has dis­ pelled clouds of carking gloom and dissipated chunks of depressing mo­ notony frem thousands of homes--in­ cluding the rural domicile of Beuben Higglesworth. While Mr. Higglesworth was in the city during the holiday season, a small boy thrust into liis hand a printed cir­ cular headed "Every Man his own Photographer." Following this an­ nouncement was a lucid description of •a amateur photographic outfit, where­ by any person, without previous in­ struction or experience, might take ar­ tistic photographs of all the anmate and inanimate things in bis neighbor­ hood, deriving both pleasure and profit from the operation. "Now I call that a mighty 'cute ar­ rangement," said Mr. Higglesworth, putting the circular in his pocket. "Guess I'll invest a few dollars in the amachoor machine and take it home to •muse Sary Ann and the children." "When he arrived home with his pur­ chase, Sary Ann Higglesworth and the four juvenile Higglesworths „ examined tiie contrivance curiously. Finally lbs. H.'s pent-np curiosity exploded in the interrogation: "What in the world is it, Beuben?-- a- patent oil stove or a new kind of «hurn?" "Well, your guess is away off. It is • machine for making* pictures. The man who sold it to me, Sary Ann. showed me the photographs of some likely young women one of these ma­ chines made, and they waa pretty enough to make a' man yearn to live Ilia courting days over again. A man em operate it by reading the instruc­ tions in this little book, and when I've WHltmid them, Sary Ann, I'll just load up the photographic box and take your picture first" _ lira. Higglesworth's preconceived no­ tion of having a photograph taken was something akin to having a tooth ex­ tracted. She had experienced the lat­ ter torture, but was thus far exempt from the former. "Will it hurt, Beuben?" she aaked, lacking away from the camera. "To be sure it won't hurt. The thing won't explode--not before it is loaded, anyway," he added, facetiously. "You must slick up a little and make your­ self look pretty, and 111 make your photograph look handsomer than a professional beauty." In a very brief space of period --lor a woman--Mrs. Higglesworth announced that she was ready. "Now take a seat in this cheer, Sary Ann, and look pleasant and natural­ like. I'm not going to wedge your head in a pair of tongs and twist yon into a position that'll make you look as Ulelees and wooden as a cigar-store In­ dian. Photographers who follow the business for a living always screw your head into a pair of diabolical iron damps, and make you set as you never •Ot before in all your born days--and never will again, unless you get your fehotograph taken by one of this pro tessional chaps. Now get ready to look natural and easy." Then Higglesworth looked through the camera at his wife, who was vainly trying to assume several different posi­ tions at one time. ; W "Throw up.your ch.in a Sary mnn--not quite so high. Twist your head a trifle to the right There-- that s better. You can wink all you Want to. Now look pleasant, and smile m little at the corners of your mou-- I Great kingdom, Mrs. Higglesworth! won't open your mouth that way! Dye want to bust the plate and spoil the picture? Think of something eheerful, and keep your mouth shut. Think of the sleigh-ride we took before Tre were married, when the horse ran •way and dumped us out in a demoral­ ised heap, and we had to walk three jniles through snow-drifts. When I 'he clcth off the nozzle of the ma- ; thine, the performance begins. Now!" The four children stood near the ; camera, two on either side of the sitter, gnd Mrs. Higglesworth made a heroic to keep her eyes on the entire Bftte, and once raised a finger jly and gave a thundergustic glance at Tom, the eldest, who was iifetiftg an original pantomime for the slectatioxi of his brother and sisters. , : " "There--it's all over!" said Higgles- ' worth throwing the cloth over the noz- sle of the camera. "Bakes alive!" exclaimed Mrs. Hig- gleewOrth, bouncing out of her chair, end giving Tom a smart box on the ear) •how quick that was done, and I was %siting all the time to hear it go off. $• let me see it, Beuben." : "Can't you wait till I develop the /the negative?" cried her husband, im­ patiently. "I'll let you see it in a min- and he rushed into his "dark " according to the directions, and i veturned and held the plate up to the light. "There you are, Sary Ann!" • "Do yeu call that me ?" said his wife, casing at the picture with her eyes Bristling with astonishment "Why, whatever it is, it looks as black as a are all here, anyway. Now, Tom, bring in Topsy, the cat, and we'll have her photographed in a jiffy." Topsy was placed on a chair, and "had her picture tooken," as Tom ex­ plained. Then, Carlo, the dog, was in­ troduced and submitted to a similar torture. "Sary Ann," said Higglesworth, "we'll finish the day's operations by taking my own photograph. I'll get the machine ready, put in the plate, and take a seat in front of the camera. When I say "ready," remove the cloth, oount fifty, and then replace it" Mrs. Higglesworth followed the in­ structions, but not without manifesting considerable trepidation. "Well, there appears to be some­ thing on the plate," observed Higgles­ worth, examining the negative, "and I guess it is your husband, Sary Ann. Now we have taken pictures of the en­ tire family, withont any fuss, and at very trifling cost. The amachoor pho­ tographic outfit is a great boon, and I wouldn't part with it for ten times its cost, if I couldn't get another. We'll print the pictures to-morrow, if the day proves clear. Next day the sun shone resplendent- ly, and the process of making the prints was commenced. Mrs. Higgles­ worth's was the first picture printed. "Let me see it, Beuben," said Mrs. H., reaching for the print, which her husband was gazing at in open-eyed astonishment "Is it a professional beauty?" Goodness gracious, Sary Ann!" he ejaculated, still keeping his eyes fixed on the photograph. "Was--was there a dime museum ireak looking over your shoulder when I shot off the muzzle of the contrivance?" "Why, no," returned Mrs. Higgles­ worth, taking the picture from her hus­ band's hand. "What a foolish ques-- Heavens, Beuben! What in the world is it, anyway?" Well, if it isn't a 'what is it,' I give it up," he replied, perplexedly. "The lens must have slipped an eccentric, or something. You are endowed with con­ siderable chin, Sary Ann, but not quite such a profusion as is exhibited in this photograph; and I admit that you haven't four eyes, and one of them don't slant around to your left ear. And look at that right ear! You didn't hold a palm-leaf fan alongside your head, did ye? And one of your hands is not as" corpulent as a sugttr-cured ham." "And that's the way you have made me look prettier than a professional beauty, is it? Beuben Bigglesworth, if I thought this was one of your jokes. I'd--I'd " And she placed her handkerchief to her eyes. "Now, mother," said Beuben, sooth- ingly, "don't cry about it. A amachoor photographer is liable to make a blun­ der at first 1 must have aimed the machine too high, and brought down one of Barnum's curiosities which hap­ pened to be passing at the time. We'll now look at the children's group. That'll be a beauty." _ The print was taken from the nega­ tive, and Higglesworth gazed upon it with an expression of horror. "Is it all right, Beuben ?" asked his wife, craning her head over his shoul­ der, while the children stood around with pleasurable expectant depicted upon their faces. "Sary Ann, it is rot all right It ap­ pears to be something like a pn?zle de­ partment, and might answer for the map of the war in Egypt Some fiend has tampered with the machine. There are four figures here, but they don't look like civilized human beings. Here's one got a head as big as a water bucket, apparently, while another is no larger than a hickory nut; and the feet look like snow shovels, and here are three heads melted together, and-- Well, I swow if I ever saw such a group since I was born!" "Perhaps," suggested the wife, "the lens slipped another eccentric; or may­ be you aimed it too high and hit a band of savages in the street?" "Pop," broke in four youngsters, "let me see it!" "Oeerocsalum!" vociferated Tom, "if this doesn't look worse than a comic valentine. Which one's me and which Susie?" "Children," said Higglesworth, "we'll put this away for further inspection; and now let us behold the counterfeit presentment of your father, the ama­ choor protographer And what he beheld nearly paralyzed him. u "Wha--what's this?" he gasped. "This picture looks more like one of the bigheaded monsters in a panto­ mime than it resembles your husband. Sary Ann. The eyes bulge out like a pair of pearl door-knobs, and the head appears to have been driven down be­ tween the shoulders with a pile-driver. And that nose seemes to meander all over the face. Bary Annl ye didn't bust did **"?" when you removed the cloth. He goad curiously at the pietures for nearly n minute, and then broke out with: "Heavens and earth! what have we here? I never saw more curious beasts in a menagerie! Sary Ann, you've read about the frightful animals that lived before the flood--that paleotheriums and plesiosaurnses, and such? Well, here's a pair of 'em." And he handed her the pictures. She gave them a hurried look and let them drop, with a little shriek. "Beuben, sell that machine--or give it away! I wouldn't have the hateful thing about the house!" "I'll tell you what I'll do, Sary Ann. I'll get Tom to write to a Boy's Weekly, offering a first-class photographic out­ fit in exchange for a horse and cart or a bushel of turnips, or something that way. I'll give some other man a chance to be his own photographer. But I have an idea about the pictures I have already taken. They are not going to be wasted." A few days latter Mr. Higgleaworth took his wonderful photographs to the office of the local paper, and divulged his little scheme to the editor. And the next issue of the Howelltown Ban­ ner contained the following notioe: "REMARKABLE PICTURES. "We have been shown photographa of several members ol a new race of people recently discovered by explor­ ers in the wilds of Boraxicum, in Cen­ tral Africa. These pictures show two adults, apparently male and female, and a group of four children, whose sex is difficult to determine. They are probably the most frightful-looking objects wearing the semblance of hu­ man beings. While some of them have heads as large as half-bushel measures, the heads of others are as diminutive as acorns, in comparison. There are also photographs of two animals, whioh -are frightful-looking monsters, and an­ swer the description of the 'beasts' de­ scribed in the Book of Bevel ations. These marvelons pictures oan be pur­ chased for the small sum of fifty dol­ lars, and we hope they may be added to the Antiquarian Society of our coun­ ty." P. S.--And they were.--New Ywk Weekly. v *<.*•- . * V . ' . ! M k a f / i . "I--I don't know," she replied. "I didn't hear anything crack." "Well, I'll put this away with yours and the gs.wn§ !<* failure «oaridoration, The Happy Samoans. "The system," writes Mr. Turner,"of a common interest in each other's prop­ erty is still clung to by the Samoans with great tenacity. They consider themselves at liberty to go and take up their abode anywhere among their friends and remain without charge as long as they please. And the same custom entitles them to beg and borrow from each other to any extent Boats, tools, garments, money, etc., are all freely loaned to each other, if connected with the same tribe or clan. A man cannot bear to be called stingy or dis­ obliging. If he has what is asked, he will either give it or adopt the worse course of telling a lie about it by say­ ing that he has it not or that it is prom­ ised to some one else. This commun­ istic system is a sad hindrance to the industrious, and eats like a canker worm at the roots of individual or na­ tional progress. No matter how hard a young man may be disposed to work, he cannot keep his earnings; all soon passes ont of his hands into the common circulating currency of the clan to which all have a latent right Tlie only thing which reconciles one to bear with it until it gives place to the individual independence of more ad­ vanced civilization is the fact that with auch a state of things no poor laws are needed. The sick, the aged, the blind, the lame, and even the vagrant, has al­ ways a house and home and food and raiment, as far as he considers he needs it A stranger may at first sight think a Samoan one of the poorest of the poor, and yet he may live ten years with that Samoan and not be able to make him understand what poverty really is in the European sense of the word. 'How is it?'he will always say; 'no food? Has he no friends? No house to live in? Wbere did he grow? Are there no houses belonging to his friends? Have the people there no love for each other?' "--Samoa a hun­ dred Years Ago, by George Turner, LL. D. Dick Wintersmtth. CoL Dick Wintersmith is one of the characters of Washington. He is one of the best story-tellers at the capital, and he has a fund of reminiscences as long as the Old Testament, and, to my mind, a great deal more interesting. He can tell stories by the hour about the great men of the past, and to have a talk with him on horses and horse- racing is an equestrian education. He knows the pedigrees of all the noted horses, who have lived in Kentucky, back to a period not far distant frond the flood, and like his friend, Senator Beck, he knows their offspring and de­ scendants as well as his own genealog­ ical tree. He tells a story well, and en­ joys it himself as much as his hearers. He was acquainted with Henry Clay during Clay's latter years, and 1 heard him speak of his first meeting with the great statesman not long ago. Said he: It was after a great speech of Mr. Clay's in Kentucky that I was intro­ duced to him during the meeting, and after it 1 looked at him so intently that he remarked it and asked me why I did so. I replied: 'It has occurred to me, Mr. Clay, I am younger than you. and that after you have passed away, I will want to remember you as the greatest man and the finest orator I have ever known. I looked at you as I did that I might daguerreotype your every linea­ ment upon my soul.' " 'That,' replied Henry Clay, 'is the finest compliment I have ever heard.' During the remainder of the day Mr. Clay and myself met several times. At one time we were walking together, and he seized my arm and exclaimed: 'Mr. Wintersmith, I wish £ had your phy­ sique ! 'Yea,' replied I, 'and I wish, Mr. Glay, that I had your head!'" An Unreliable Barber. Gus De Smith came down Aiistin avenue with his chin cut in several places, so that it looked as if a drunken barber had been practicing on it "Merciful heavens, Gus!" exclaimed Gilhooly, "what did you do to that bar­ ber who cut your chin in that way ? You ought to have murdered him. That was the leaat you could have done for him." "I didn't do anything of the kind. After he was through shaving I invited him across the street, and treated him to a cocktail and a cigar." "Well, you are a fool.* "No, I ain't audi a fool after all," re­ sponded Gus, "for you aee I shave my­ self." "You may not be a fool, but you as sociate with some people who are not much baiter," replied Gilhooly.--Tex a$ Sifting Cbarth Kdiilces and tt» W< Thereof. It ia a fact, frankly acknowledged, that the Boman Catholio church in Mexico is now surrounded by the ruins only of its former greatness. Fifty years ago this opulent institution owned over three-fifths of the City of Mexico. The income of the archbishop was greater than that of the Queen of Eng­ land. In 1827 there were 150 convents and monasteries in Mexico. One-tenth of the products of the country went to the clergy as tithes. The estimated value of church property in 1850 was $300,000,000, one-third of the entire property of the nation. In the City of Mexico there were 5,000 houses, valued at $£0,000,000, of which the church owned more than one-half. Domes rose in every block, the cross was lifted upon every hand. The annual income of the church in the City of Mexico was $20,000,000, while that of the Be- public was only $18,000,000. The clergy in the city of Pnebla held mort­ gages on farms, in that State alone, to the amount of $40,000,000. Between Puebla and Apizaco, a distance of thirty miles, were 124 churches, and the valley of Puebla numbered 365-- one for each day in the year. The Grand Cathedral stands upon the site of the Aztec Teocalli; it covers a space of 426 by 500 feet, and its high altar, which is in the center of the edi- fioe, is above the spot once occupied by the sacrificial stone. The choir is one mass of elaborate carvings; extending around it, and leading to the high altar, probably 200 feet, is a railing of lum­ bago, manufactured in China, and weighing twenty-six tons. It is a brassy-looking metal, composed of gold, silver, and a small alloy of copper, but containing so much gold that an oiler has been made to replace it with pure silver, and give many thousand dollars in addition. The altar itself, placed upon a marble platform, is of wrought and polished silver, and the whole sur­ mounted by a temple, in which formerly rested the figure of the Virgin of Bem- edios, who was dressed in three petti­ coats--one embroidered with pearls, another with emeralds, and a third with diamonds, the value of which was over $3,000,000. This was only one part of one church in Mexico, and that said not to be the richest I dropped into the sacristy one day, and found two or three padres indulg­ ing in a quiet chat after mass. They politely volunteered to show me the magnificent set of vestments worked for the cathedral by command of Isa­ bella of Spain. They are of cloth-of* gold, incrusted with gems, and with passages of holy writ, so exquisitely worked in silk that it required the clos­ est inspection for my woman's eyes to discover traces of the needle. These gorgeous vestments are useless for prac­ tical purposes, being so heavy that no man of ordinary dimensions could sus­ tain their enormous weight, during mass, or even long enough to pronounce the benediction. The cathedral of Puebla is the best specimen of architecture I have seen in Mexico. The material is blue basalt, and the massive buttresses and lofty towers without, the noble arches and artistic pillars within, give a dignity and solidity often lacking. A favorite legend tells us that while in process of building, this cathedral gained mys­ teriously in height during the night ex­ actly as much as the masons had accom­ plished during the day. This was said to be the work of two angels who came down from heaven and wrought with golden trowels in their hands, hence the city acquired the name of "Puebla de loe Angelos" (the City of the Angels). Here, the great altar affords the finest display of Mexican marbles in the Bepublic and beneath it is the se- pulcher of the Bishops. Before the revolution there depended from the center of the vast dome an enormous chandelier--a mass of gold and silver weighing tons; one may imagine its value from the fact that the cost of cleaning it amounted to $4,000. Here the candelabra were of gold, and so ponderous that a strong man could not lift them; the value of the jewels was of historic notoriety, and an image of the Virgin boasted a zone of diamonds Valued at $il,000,000. The cathedral of Santa Gaudalupe is the most famous in Mexico, and was once the richest and most venerated shrine; but the grand old Indian Pres­ ident, Benito Juarez, confiscated most of its gold and silver ornaments, and coined them into money, to carry on his war against the church party. Even the frame of solid gold which sur­ rounded the patron saint was taken, but this was afterward returned. The altar railing, weighing tons, is of solid silver. This alone, of all the sumptu­ ous church fixtures, was spared by the liberals.Pierce, in Frank L&- lie?8. '" HK who can implant courage in the New Departure in Corn. Under this head a New Jersey con- respondent of the Country Gentleman writes: During the past season I grew from the same seed good crops of both corn and material for silo. I planted my corn by hand, in drills four and a half feet apart, with one seed every nine inches in the drill. When the grain was glazed I pulled the ears in the husks and spread them, about seven inches in depth, on a piece of sod. The stalks were then cut, passed through the cutting machine, and deposited in the silo. Should rain fall on the heaps of corn before it is ready to husked, it should be raked over with a wooden rake, so as to prevent heating, for of course it is in a very succulent condi­ tion. When I had filled my silo, say in ten or twelve days, I husked the corn, left it in conical heaps for two or three days, and then cribbed it It was an unusually favorable time for curing, and the ears and stalks were a little further advanced to maturity than I fancied, by reason of a draught. The corn that we pulled first is a little shrunken in tbe grain; the remainder looked as though it had been left on the stalks until maturity. I could scarcely make old farmers in my neigh­ borhood believe that the corn which they saw in the crib had been grown and ripened in this manner. I got a good crop of corn, and I think, about eight tons of green stalks to the acre. There seems to be sufficient virtue in the gTeen, moist cobs and husk to ripen the grain to the point of safety for cribbing, and making good corn meal. The shrinkage in the grain will not exceed 10 per cent, in ordi­ nary seasons; with the dry time of ifcst year it did not exceed 5 per cent,-- in fact, taking the crop as a whole, the shrinkage was not perceptible. Before we had finished the stalks had matured more than desirable, yet they were quite succulent to the root, and made ensilage that my stock eat with avidity. Whether it is owing to the more ma­ ture condition of the stalks or to the length of time occupied in filling the *ild, I am not prepared to say--proba­ bly both causes operated--but my en i tilage ia tiwB ewaL umi _ sixty bsaheli of shelled oora to tho acre, and I have no doubt I can grow fully that Amount of corn, and get eight to twelve tons Qf green fodder per acre. My drills were too far apart, and this year I will make them three feet nine inches or four feet distant, with one grain every nine inches in the drill. The custom of planting corn in drills for grain is mnch practiced in western New York, but is rare with us. It is estimatod that you can get 20 per cent more grain and stalks than by the old plan of hill planting. One of my neighbors practices it, and says that he can get sixty bushels per acre by this system as certainly as fifty bushels by the old method of planting in hills. There would seem to be more work necessary in tending the crop than when you can plow both ways, but with straight furrows, early use of the har­ row, and a two-horse oorn plow we found but little to be done with ,the hoe.;«v':.^. Farm as a Factory. It should be considered by farmers that the farm is a factory, but the ma­ jority of farmers do not avail them­ selves of its advantages in that respect The farm also produces its own raw material from which to manufacture articles of sale. Instead of the farm being adapted to a single occupation only, it is really a combination of a great many pursuits. The implements and machinery are varied, and the pro­ ducts are not limited to any particular articles. It is because all the advan­ tages of farming are not utilized that so many failures occur, for with proper management and judicious sys­ tem no pursuit is surer, owing to the many available forms in whioh the farm product may be marketed. There is no advantage in selling the raw material of the farm, and by the term raw material is included all the vegetation produced. The farmer usually sells the product (which brings the lowest price always) and its con­ version into more salable matter is done through the agency of others. He can partially regulate the prices obtained by sending his produce to market only in such forms as will bring a profit, and his advantages lie in the unlimited time for doing this. The machinery for producing the raw material is con­ stantly getting out of repair, but the machinery used for converting the pro­ duct into different material is self-sus­ taining and self-repairing. To make it plainer, the cow is the machine tor con­ verting hay and grain into milk, but­ ter, cheese, and beef. As she gradually wears out she supplies herself with a new machine. She is capable of ap­ propriating and utilizing a vast amount of matter which could not find a mar­ ket but for her assistance, while at the same time she returns a portion of the original cost in the shape of manure for the purpose of assisting to further increase the amount of raw ma­ terial. The ewe furnishes wool, mutton, and lambs, and, unlike the cow, forages upon the barren waste places, gathering the scanty herbage, and compelling even the weeds to fur­ nish their quota. The sow, the most prolific of our animals, fills the family pork-barrel and furnishes progeny that mature quickly and reaoh the market in a short time, and on a variety of food which permits of the cultivation and utilization of many crops that are rarely salable, except at a low price. The mare gives us the power with which to perform the work required and adds her offspring to the revenue, and even the poultry, though but a small part of the whole, are effective and capable machines for the converson of much waste material into ready selling car­ casses and eggs. Thus it is seen that animals and birds are machines, per­ forming their work by different meth­ ods and giving a variety of manufactured products which are salable at all sea­ sons of the year. If the farm is a factory it must be, to yield a profit, a first-class one. A poor machine will do inferior work only, and to get the best results the most perfect and labor-saving machin­ ery alone should be employed. It is not gcod judgment in the farmer man­ ufacture? t6 use a machine that makes only ten quarts of milk from the mate­ rial used when he can aa readily use one that manufactures double that quantity, and even more. As factories are provided with the latest inventions in order to compete with rivals, so must the farmer begin to realize that he, too, is in competition with his fellow- farmers, and endeavor to secure the greatest profits by the efficiency of his machinery and the quality of his pro­ duct?. No business man is satisfied with the machinery of twenty years ago, and why should the farmer be less energetic ? The old-fashioned milk maehine should give way to the Hoi- stein, Ayrshire, and Jersey. The pork barrel must be filled quickly and cheaply by the Berkshire, Chester, Yorkshire, and Poland China. The wool and mutton must come from the Merino, the Cotswold, and the "Downs and the "old blue lien" must make room tor tho Brahma, the Leghorn, and the Plymouth Bock. The factory must be worked to its fullest capacity, and nothing should be sold off the farm until it has been utilized by the ma­ chines.--Philadelphia Record. The Louisville Girl and the< Memphis Man. A Louisville girl, who was visiting here a short time ago, scored a signal triumph over a fresh young society man of this city. They were sitting upon a sofa together, and as the conversation progressed he allowed his arm to grad­ ually fall down until he had it around her waibt. She arose very indignant, and he made the following explanation and apology: "I hope you will not think anything of this. It is just a way I have.- All the Memphis boys act the same way, and you will have to get used to it I hope you will not take any offense at it, as its just my way." She left the room, but came back in a few minutes with a married friend, and sat down on the sofa again. Soon she. began to yawn and gave every os­ tensible proof of being thoroughly bored. Finally she said: "I'm dread­ fully sleepy, and I hope you'll go home. You mustn't take any offense at this. All the Louisville girls act the same way. You are exceedingly tiresome, and you had better go home at once. Don't be offended at this. It ia simply a way I have." He stood not upon the order of his going.--Memphis Sunday Ttmes. THERE are three ways of getting out of a scrape--first write out, second, back out, and third, and the best way, keep out MEM generally put a greater value upon the favours they beatow than upon those they receive. 1 An Apperttk* Vliifi Um Great 1 cow ia a BWTFCWAXBFCOER. The following lingular story about a dream of the great nullified John a Calhoun, I get from an old scrapbook whose leaves are worn with the thumb- ling of two score years. It is said to be the story of an eye witness, who was present at this scene, which occured over fifty years ago. It is headed "The Spotted Hand," and reads as follows: "The other morning, at the breakfast table, when I. an unobserved spectator, happened to be present, Calhoun was observed to gaze frequently at his right hand and brush it with his left hand in a hurried and nervous manner. He did this so often that it excited attention. At length one of the persons compris­ ing the breakfast party--his name, I think, is Toombs, and be is a member of Congress from Georgia--took upon himself to ask the occasion of Mr. Cal­ houn's disquietude. 'Does your hand pain you?' he asked of Mr. Calhoun. Mr. Calhoun replied in rather a hurried manner, 'Pshaw! it ia nothing but a dream I had last night, and which makes me see perpetually a.large black spot, like an ink blotch, upon the back of my right hand; an optical allusion, I suppose.' Of course these words ex­ cited the curiosity of the company, but no one ventured to beg the details of this singular dream, until Toombs asked quietly: 'What was your dream like? I am not very superstitious about dreams, but sometimes they have a great deal of truth in them.'" 'But this was such a peculiarly absurd dream,' said Mr. Calhoun, again brush­ ing the back of his right hand; 'how­ ever, if it does not intrude too much on the time of our friends, I will relate it to you.' Of course the company were profuse in their expressions of anxiety to know all about the dream, and Mr. Calhoun related it # " 'At a late hour last night, as I waa sitting in my room, engaged in writing I was astonished by the entrance of a visitor who, without a word, took a seat opposite me at my table. This sur­ prised me, as I had given particular orders to the servant that I should on no account be disturbed. The manner in which the intruder entered, so per­ fectly self-possessed, taking his seat opposite me without a word, as though my room and all within it belonged to him, excited in me as much surprise as indignation. As I raised my head to look into his features, over the top of my shaded lamp, I discovered that he was wrapped in a thin cloak, which effectually concealed his face and fea­ tures from my view; and as I raised my head he spoke: 'What are you writing, Senator from South Carolina ?' I did not think of his impertinence at first, but answered him voluntarily: 'I am writing a plan for the dissolution of the American Union." (You know, gentlemen, that I am expected to pro­ duce a plan of dissolution in the event of oertain contingencies.) To this the intrader replied, in the coolest manner possible: 'Senator from South Caro­ lina, will you allow me to look at your hand, your right hand?' He rose, the cloak fell, and I beheld his face. Gen­ tlemen, the sight of that face struck me like a thunder clap. It was the face of a dead man, whom extraordi­ nary events had called back to life. The features were those of Gen. George Washington. He was dressed in the Bevolutionary costume, such as you see in the Patent Office.' Here Mr. Cal­ houn paused, apparently agitated. His agitation, I need not tell you, was shared by the company. Toombs at length broke the embarrassing pause-: "Well, what was the issue of this scene?' "Mr. Galhoun resumed: 'The in­ truder, as I have said, rose and asked to look at my right hand, as though I had not the power to refuse. 1 ex­ tended it. The truth is, I felt a strange thrill pervade me at his touch. He grasped it and held it near the light, thus affording full time to examine every feature. It was the face of Washington. After holding my hand for a moment he looked at me steadily and said, in a quiet way, "And with this right hand, Senator from South Caro­ lina, you would sign your name to a paper declaring the Union dissolved ?" I answered in the affirmative, "Ye^ I paid, "if a certain contingency aris< I will sign my name to the declaratic 'CX of dissolution." But at that moment * black blotch appeared on the back < my hand, which I seem to see no\ "What is that?" said I, alarmed, know not why, at the blotch on m hand. "That," said he, dropping m hand, "is the mark by which Benedic Arnold is known in ths next world, flats. PINW Bqq1& & He said no more, gentlemen, but dre\ ***** from beneath his cloak an object whicl he laid on the table--laid upon the ver; Gf yery Desirable Goods, wHich C>W OAS.i PRICES, and it. will "There," said he, "there are the bone McHenry County and adjoining Isaac Hayne, who WSB hung at Charles e reason that we can and will make ton by the British. He gave his hfe ii )USe Established in 1865. order to establish the Union. Wlieif - • »••*. wuiar TH6 scat­ tered peasants were able to return to though it mar not always have enongK to eat, it always cud eat if ft ohews.^ Texas Sittings. HKB cheeks aire flaab«d, her eyaa are wtt. She hearea a gantle aigh. Hear hate ia mussed, she scaroe kaowa yot Whit'i best--to laaoh or err. Whatmakeaher bloinud tremble aa With mingled Joy and fright ? The first time in his life her bean HM kiaaed her sweet good-night. PHOTOGBAPH seller, saturated wit* modernism, to fair customer. She: "Have you a photograph of Washing­ ton Irving?" He: "Yes, mam 1 but, u you will pardon my correction, his first name is Henry."--Exchange. A PARIS AN doctor prescribed for ft lady who had objections against groff* ing stout: "Take exercise, my dear lady. Consider the trees of the field; they never take exercise, and, as a con­ sequence, they go on growing bigger and bigger every year."--Exchange. "MAMMA, do angels play on harps f" "Yes, dear, now run and take your piano lesson." "In a minute; but, mamma, I don't b'lieve I want to be aa angel." "Why not, child?" M'Cause somebody would be always paying: Now run and take your harp lesson."-^- Boston Post. A BRIGHT wife whose husband h^| contracted a club fever, hit upon £ brilliant scheme recently. She pro­ cured a partly-worn gentleman's glove and left it on the parlor Bofa when she retired, after sitting up till 12 o clook for her delerict lord. He does not go out in the evenings now.--Troy Times. "Do YOU want to see me turn a flap­ jack ?" asked a Passaic young lady of her bashful lover. "If you do, come into the other room." And then he grabbed his hat and was half way home before he realized that she wanted him to go into the kitchen and witness an exhibition of her domestic ability.-^-- New York Dispatch. THOSE people who wonder at tfeft,' wide circulation of the popular fashion periodicals have never stopped to con­ sider that if it were not for them our economical better halves would never get suggestions of ways in which to utilize a worthless old dust-pan at an expense of only $3 to make a lovely 18- cent ornament.--Exchange. NOT long ago a lady, who had juift returned from Europe, was asked by a friend if she had seen the Lion of St. Mark. "O, yes," she replied, "we ai> rived just in time to see the noble creature fed." The late Dr. Beadle, of Philadelphia, must have encountered the same lady. He spoke of the beauty of the Dardanelles, and she replied: "O, yes, I know them well. They are intimate friends of mine."--Exchange.- A BIRD OF EVIL OWE-MEN. I would not live always--I ask not to stay Where men with their bills chase me round aJl' , the day; There's enough in this world, with each wor­ rying ill-- Its babies, its failures, its doctors who kill-- Without an Icthyosaurus To come round and bore us From morning to night with bis fearful long bilL --liockland Courier. ONE of the church wardens waa ob­ served to cast uneasy glances toward an individual wearing a sailor jacket and cap of a seafaring and jaunty ap­ pearance, which latter surmounted a clean-shaven face and closely cut hair. After a little while he approached the sailor laddie and whispered audi­ bly: "Can't you take off your hat? Is there any reason why you can't take off your hat?" By the discomfited look of the questioner as he returned to his seat, and the appearance of the rest of the costume as the wearer of the hat walked out of church at the conclusion of the service, it was evident that the whispered reply waa, "I am a girlf--• Exchange. t THE FA1RE P A88EN QAIRE* T He was a natty traveler, y With scads of ready cash, A paid-up Pullman passenger. And somewhat on the main. When ho had come inside the car, And laid aside his grip. He saw a female passeqger, _ Who seemed to him quite flip. He noticed that the girl was fair, • Although the light waa dim, And having wunk a wink at her She wunk a wink at him. "Ha, ha!" he cried. "I like the stylist It's something very green. And by my halidom, I swear, The fairest I have seen." So then the knight essayed a word, And asked if he might ride n little mile or two --- and Hand-Sewed French A RESTAURANT on the Bowery, New ¥ork, has "seats preserved for ladies." you put your name to a declaration c< dissolution, why, you may as well have the bones of Isaac Hayne before you--^ he was a South Carolinian and so are' you. But there was no blotch on hia| right hand." With these words the in­ truder left the room. I started back from the contact with the dead man's bones and--awoke. Overcome by labor, I had fallen asleep, and had been dreaming. Was it not a singular dream ?' All the company answered in the affirmative, and Toombs muttered, 'Singular, very singular,' and at the same time looking curiously at the back of his hand, while Mr. Calhoun placed his head between his hands and seemed buried in thought."--"Carp," in Cleve­ land Leader. Brather Bapid, "So you are a stenograpl "Yes, sir." "I should think it would be very difficult to take down everything a speaker says." "it's not so hard when you under­ stand it I was reporting a speech the other day, and I thought I would just try and see how fast I could report, and, will you believe it none of the speak era could follow me!"--Texas lifting 8. IT ought to be generally known that a man's hat will serve in most cases as a temporary life preserver to those in danger of drowning. When a person finds himself in tbe water he should lay hold of his hat with both hands, keep­ ing the crown close under his chin and the mouth of the hat under water. The quantity of air contained in the cavity of the hat will keep the head above water for a long time--sometimes for several hours. GIRLS, learn to swim. It accustoms you to kiok out, and after marriage it ia sometimes neoessary to use more than the hands in fighting. No NECKLACE ia the rule just now in Paris, if one have a pretty throat and shoulders. their homes, they were obliged to begin afresh the accumulation of domestic goods. By degrees, their prosperity in flocks and herds and broods and litters was renewed. Only a cat was wanting; and a cat was not to be had for love nor money, although the milk and but­ ter in the dairy, the eggs in the barn, and the grain in the garret were suffer­ ing from the lack of that useful animal. At last, somebody heard of a kitten to sell in a distant settlement; and a messenger was despatched forthwith to secure the treasure. It cost a good, round sum, too. But the man returned in triumph, and the kitten became at pnee the pet of the whole village. Every door stood open for her en­ trance ; every bed was at her service for the necessary cat-naps; and, doubt­ less, the richest cream and dain­ tiest meat would have been her por­ tion, if she had not been surfeited con­ tinually with the flesh and blood of her natural enemies. She reigned alone to a fat old age, when an enterprising peasant who lived in a hut on the hill­ side, went into the business of import-* ing cats for sale; and soon the whole country was overstocked, so that kit­ tens were bought no more, and probe- . bly the beds were no longer considered the appropriate place for their sluip bers.--Manhattan. An Economical Darkey. Gabe Snodgrass recently applied to the Beverend Aminidab Bledso, of the Blue Light Tabernacle, for some pecu­ niary assistance. "I jess can't do hit," replied Parson Bledso: "I has to e'port my pore ole . mudder." "But yer pore ole mudder says yer don't do nuffin for her." "Well, den, ef I don't do nuffin fdf my pore ole mudder, what's de use oh an outsider like you trying to make nn shell out ?"--Texas 8iftmgs. IT must oome easy tat a photographer to say No. He is never out of neg#> tine. ... . 'A . _ _ __ „ t f t A > . l s r « , A - ' . . k ? A , • ' f J . • J * *• i/ &£. > ̂i5 • A- „ <8. , . -t.j . i <, to..