The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

"Pledged but to Truth, to Liberty and Law; No Favora Win us and no Fes* Shall Awe.' VOL. 11. M'HENRY, ILLINOIS, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 4,1885. NO," Published we esday by J. - BOIXOR ASD PUBLISHER. Office in Bishop's Block, ! --OPPOSITE PERRY ft OWJEN'S.-- TERMS OS" SUBSCRIPTION. ;4ne Year (In A<tvaaeHe) -,|f Not Pair! within Three Months. $1.50 ; 8.00 i; Subscriptions received for |three or six fkonths in the same proportion. BUSINESS CARDS, Ar* 4S.V W. SMITH, TTOUNEY AT I.AW and Solicitor in Chancery.--Woodstock, 111. S. F. BENNETT, M. V. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. Also United States Examining Surgeon. Richmond, Illinois. A. 8. GUILDS, M> D., HOMEOPATHIC PHYSICIAN AND SRN-GEON, West McHenry, III. Calls promptly attended to, day or night. E. B. BENNETT,*M. D., Late House Surgeon Cook Qouhty Hospital, RICHMOND, ILLINOIS, Special attention given to difficult Surgical cases. DEUTbCH GESPJiOCHENi Office ivt Resilience of Dr. S. F. Bennett. Kates of Advertising. •Jfr We announce liberal rates for advertising ia tho PLAINDEALER, and endeavor to state them so plainly that they will be readily un­ derstood. They are as follows^ 1 Inch one vear t Inches one year 8 Inches one year • If Column one'year H Column one year- Column one year 5 00 10 00 1.100 30 00 60 00 100 00 , One inch means the measurement of one Bch down the column, single column width. Yearly.advertisers, at the above rates, have the privilege of changing as often as they thoose, without extra charge. Regular advertisers (meaning those having •tanding cards) will be entitled to insortion tf local notices at the rale of 5 cents per line • each week. All others will be charged 10 eents per 'ine the ll'st week, and Scents per fine for each subsequent week. Transient advertisements will be charged at the rate of 10 cents pe line, (nonpareil type, same as this is set in) the first issue, and • cents per line for subsequent issues. Th-is, an inch advertisement will cost tl.OOforone week, (1.50 for two weeks, $2.00 for three weeks, and so on. The PT.AINDRALBR will be liberal in givin'g editorial notices, but, as a business rule, it will require ft suitable "fee from everybody seeking the use of its columns for pecuniary fain. BUSINESS CARDS. H. T. BROWN, M. D. >HVS1CIAX AND SURGEON. Office at Residence, Mcllenry, (11. « C. H. FEGERS, M, D- [1HYSICIAN AND SURGEON. Mcllenry, Ills. Office at Residence. O. J. HOWARD, M. D. PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON, McHenry, I III. Office one door West of Fitzsiinmons A Evanson's store, upjstnirs. BARBIAN BROS. IGAR Manufacturers, McHenry, ifl. Or- ders solicited. Shop, la Old McHenry, la Keiter Block, third door west of Riverside House. C -mm. i The popular palace hotel of the National Capital. Conveniently located and accessible to all the street car lines of the city. Open all the year. O. G. STAPLES, 7 PROPRIETOR. Late of the Thousand Island House. ROBT SCHIESSLE Having purchased the old stand of Joseph ^Wiedemann, NEAR THE DEPOT. McHENRY, ILLINOIS, Keeps open, for the accommodation of the Public a First-Class Saloon and Restaurant, Where he will at all times keep the|bost brands of Wines, Liquors and Cigars to be found in the market. Also Agent For FRANZ FALK'S MILWAUKEE LAGER BEER. ' Beer in Large or Small Kegs or Bottles al­ ways en hand, cheaper than any othei^, quali­ ty considered. Orders by mail promptly attended to. t GOOD STABLING FOR.HORMsk,^ WCall and see'us. Robert Schiessle. McHenry, III., May 15th, 1385. ' ! \ • M A R C U S ' GERMAN Manufactured by F. MARCUS, -DEALER IN-- PURE WINES, LIQUORS AND CIGARS. .> Woodstock, III. , The best Tonic in the world. - Put up in Pint and Quart Bottles. F.MARCUS, Patentee.. DONT YOU FORGET IT! ASA W. SMITH, --OF-- WoocUrfook, - - Illinois!. * ' . Backed bv Millions of mnney. offej von INDEMNITY against damage by^ y Fire, Lightning, Wind Storms, CYCLONES AND TORNADOES. i Drop me a postal card and I will visit you; •all on me and I 'will write you a policy, and Waen either or any of these destructive ele •tents devastates your property, happy will Jou be if you hold one of . my policies, for I ill sureijr visit you, wi minister unto'vou. •«U not forsake you. , ASA W. SMITH. MIWBIM Apr* DR. C. R. WELLS. PHYSICIAN AND StTRiiEON, Wauconda, Lake. Co., III. All calls promptly attend­ ed, day or night. Office on Main St.* ea^t of Barker's harness ehop. MART G. BARBIAN. AIR WORKER. All kti.ds of 'Hair Work done in (Irst class stvie and at reasonable prices. Rooms st resilience, north­ east corner of Public Square, McHenry. III. H Da C. E. WILLIAMS. DENTIST. Resilience Dundee. Will be at McHenry, at Parker House, the 10th Uth 25th and SWth of each month. When dates occur Saturday or Sunday I make my visits on the following Monday, and the tirst day of such visit occurs on Friday, I will stay but one day. A. M. CHURCH, Watchmakor and Jeweler NO. 55 FIFTH AYE., (Rriggs House). Chi­cago. 111. Special attention given to re­ pairing Fine watches and Chronometers. A Full Assortment of Goods in his line AT THE OLD STAND, JACOB BONSLETT, JALOON AND RESTAURANT, at the old 7 stand, opposite Bishop's mill, McHenry, III. The choicest Winen, Liquors-an-< Cigars to he found in the county. Warm .or cold meals on short notii-e on application. PHIL BESTS MILWAUKEE BEER by the Bottle or Case, always on hand. GOOD STABLING FOR HORSES. J. PEKOVSKY, CIGAR MANUFACTURER, Wholesale and Retail Dealer. HANDLES nore but his own make,and will compare his Brands with the best mad<3 in the state. Store and Manufactory next door to the Post Office, Mcllenrv, III. J.'C.KARGES, House, Sign and Carriage f? PAINTER, Shop at McHenry House, Near the Iron Bridge- I am nrepared to do all kinds of Painting on short notice, and guarantee satisfaction. Sign Painting a Specially. Call and see me if in want of anything in the Painting line, as I am satisfied that I can ift layJuaanslup and juries... «T. C. Kai'ges. Mcllenry, June 15, 1885. DO YOU KNOW Pluar Tobacco «? W'ith Red Tin Tag; Rose Leaf Fine Cut Chew ing; Navy Clippings, and. Black, "Brown and Yellow Snuffs ure Hie bust and the etioieest quality considered. „ Attention Horsemen! I would call the attentfion ot the public to my Stable oi Stock Horses, four in number: two Morgans, one 3-4 Percheron, and one Imported Horse. They are all gfood representatives of their breed. Also a few Merino Sheep ii' r sale. The public arc cordially invited to call and examine stock, get prices, etc. No business done on Sunday. N. S. COLBY. io -7 - t t MCIIENRY, ILL PUMP REPAIRING, CEMENTING, ETC. The undersigned is prepared to do all jobs In the line of Digging Wells, Repairing v Pumps. Cementing Wells, or will put in New Pumps On short notice and warrant satisfaction. In short will do all w6rk in this line. Can furnish you a new Pump, either wood or iron, warranted, as cheap as any other man. Good references furnished if desired. If you want a Well Dug, a Pump Repaired or a new Pump, give me a call. WOrders by mail promptly attended to. Post Office, Johnsburgh, ill. • L. BANTES. Johnsourgh, III., May '25th, 1835. LORILURD'S X t h e l e a d . PLOWSHARE D I i i r * A s k y o u r 9 LH V • Dealer for it RUGGING O N E V D O L L A R We will send you the Formula for making the famous Compound OXYGEN HOME TREATMENT, a positive cure for Con­ sumption, Bronchitas, Asthma, Catarrh, Hay Fever and all Blood Diseases of either sex, from whatever, cause, or we will send you the Formula and a two months treat­ ment with Inhaler for $3.00. Send in letter at our risk. Address, OXYGEN HOME TREATMENT CO., 130 Dearborn Bt, CHICASft ftTflMM mention this Ftp*, "81 for 13 Weeks. The POT.I©E GAZETTE will be mailed, securely wrapped, to any address In the ' (Jolted Stales tor three months on receipt of ONE DOLLAR. Liberal discount allowed to postmasters,, agents and clubs. Sample copies mailed tree Address all .orders to BICHA&D K. FOX, ; FRANKLIN SQUARE, New York. Smokers Call For N I C K E L - T A G , ORIS CENT STRAIGHT CIGAR. * S I L V E R T A G , Or 3 For a Quarter OR 10$CEN1 STRAIGHT CIGAR. _ The Finest Goods Ever Offered FOR SALE BY All First-Class Dealers. RETAILERS ATTENTION. We advertise the aliove brands in the lead ing St. Louis dailies, and your narrte will ap pear among the list of agencies on>'e a week for 60 days from date of last purchase. "With llrst order we send 3 neat and pretty signs. We have one. price I'rtr these goods from which there is no deviation, namelv: Nickle Tag, *83.00; Silver T«g, *«0.00; tiold Tag, #70.00 per 1000. We also carry the most extentive- line of Domestic, Key West and^ Imported Ciirars in the country, at bottom prices. ' Sample orders solicited. Goods guaranteed, Address. TAYLOR MF'G 0 , St- Louis, Xo. II. P. HULL, Manafcer. ATTENTION LADIES. MRS- J H, SEXTON, Yor the past ten years one ot. the leading1 Dressmakers in Elgin, las moved to McHenry where she is ready to do Dressmaking in all the latest styles. Satisfac­ tion guaranteed. Cutting and Fitting a specialty. Also agent for the I. X L., Tailor system of Cutting and Fitting. Full instructions given* -Rooms two doors West of the Riverside • HiOii-- K jiiwii wiiiiwiii • W I I \ S L O W ' S "Vineyard" Roller Skates» For the best, most durablejand easiest rmsc- ning Roller ->kates get the -'VISEYARD." \11 ihe principal Rinks are using the V iNEY ARD" Roller. Put up in /\U Clamp, Half (/lamp and Strapped Complete. The demand for these skates is so great that they are'kept in stock by all principal liar I- ware dealers throughout the country. Manufictured by the Inventor and Patenlee SAMUEL WINSLOW, WORCESTER, MASS. For Coal and Wood CALL ON E M. HOWE Opposite Bishop's Mill, •Vho has a complete line of the best stores tn the market, as well as a large stock of Hardware, Mechanic's Tools, TIN, COPPER & SHEET IRON WARE, And, ;ln|fact, everythingjin the hardware Htove and tin line. HE WILL NOT BE UNDERSOLD. Call at his store before buying elsewhere, fobbing and repairing promptly attended to •#"Remember, extra good bargains can al- *ays be obtained at Howe's. McHenry, Dec. 1, 1883 John Helm, Algonquin, III., DEALER IN Satdwats, Stoves, Tiawan, In short, we keep evcrythiutf • n the above mentioned lines, which we are riffe ing to the buy­ ing public as cheap as auy other fiousc in this Section. Call Atia See us. J0BBNG & REPAIRING, PROMPTLY ATTENDED TO. JOIIN HELM. Alj(<^<liiln. Feb. 18. 1®W. Meat Market. 9 Ilaviog opened a keat Market 111 - . . T NICHOLS% BLOCK,i Next door to Bltike's Fuiniture Store, I am low pie pa red to furnish the public with FRESH AND SALT MEaTS, or ALL KINDS, Saiagd, Smoked Meats, ALC, -ATIHB- Lowest Living Prices* I buy noneJjut the best of Meats, and flatter myself that I can otiter my sustomers meats in as good shape as any other Shop in this section. Soliciting a share of public patronage I will guarantee to satisfy you both in quality and prices E. LAMPHERE. Mcllenry, III., Oet. 13th, ^5. HR. WTOHTMA*," Proprietor. First L class rigs, with or without drivers furnished at reasonable rates. Teaming ot all'kinds done on short notice. J. P. SMITH, WATCHMAKER § JEWELER, McHenry, jr Illinois. As Fine a Stock of Watches, Clocks and Jewelry. A< in be found in the county, which I offer it prices thai cannot be beat. A Fine Stock'of v . CHOICE CIGARS. Call and examine goods and learn prices. J.P.SMITH. McH*mry, III.. July IStB. 1885. A PRESENT! Our readers for 12cents in postage.stamps to pay tor mailing and wrapping, ami tlie names of two book agents, will receive tree i Steel I\irtor Engraving of all our PRK81DKNTS. including Cleveland, size 22X28 inches, worth f4.00, AUilress Elder Chicago, 111, Plows! Plows! P. HAUPERISCH, McHeurj, lllinoiis« •Van I inform the farmers of McHenry and «ii"rounding country that he is pre|iared to sell them a K1RST-CLASS PLOW, Ana warrant the same,at a lower price tiute »*n '>• purchase<l elsewhere in the county, All Kinds of BLACKSM1TMNG, W AGON ind i ARR1AGE work promptly attended to. k IEPAIRING, • ttah kinds on short notice. 4STGive us a 9til * nd we will please you both in quaiitT • n I • rice of work. P. HAUPERISCH. M 'llenry, III., Oct. 7th, 1884. A. > SALOON and RESTAURANT Buck's Old Stand, McHENRY, ILLINOIS. Fine Kentucky Liqtfors, French Bitters, McHenry Lager Beer, Btu, By the Bottle or Case. We buy none but the best and sell at Reasonable Prices. Call and see me and I will use you T?ell. ANTONY ENGELN. McHenry, 111., 1884. Tlie Nickel B:irn Door Roller, ac­ knowledged by all to be the best thing of tlie kind on the tn irket, for sale by Joiiii I. Story. FIRST CLASS &&33TS Wanted In This County To represent our beautifully HFftslrated family magazine. Special terms unit perma­ nent ergagement given to the right party. Any smart man or woman who is willing to work and has the ability to push the magazine can secure a splendid position. Write us at once, giving age, particulars of past work and territory desired. Address, OOTTAGI HBARTH CO., Boston. Mass. Soldiers' Department. CONDDCTED BY DB. S. F. BENNETT. County Ci K- R. Directory. RICHMOND P08T KO 286. Meets the flrst and third Fridaj evenings of each month. DR. S. F, BENNETT, Com. WOODSTOCK POST, WO )0& Me«ts the .{third Monday evenings of each •month. R. $T. SMITH, Com. SCUBA POST, Meets the first and third Wednesday even inga of each month. WM. BUTMCR, Com. HARVARD POST, NO 255. Meets the second and fourth Monday evei* ingsot each month. DR K. T. WOODRUFF.' Com. MARKNQO POST, NO. 169, . Meets eve-y Secoml and Fourth Friday evenings of eacirm6nth. ^ J. R. BABCOCK. Com. An,Open Confession. Wljlle in our works in front of Kene* saw Mountain, on the cami)&lgn to At­ lanta, one foggy morning, the mess to- *liic!i I belonged ran short of grub. I took a stroll to the left, and rear of our front to look for some' w4tgon train» thinking perhaps I could catch on to something lor our mess. I had not gone f ir when I ran across a commis­ sar? where tlioy were Issuing rations to officers--hardtack and pork. There were several soldiers that had the ap­ pearance of being on the same errand as myself. The guard that was on duty seemed to he a new recruit, and the boys soon began to impose on him by crowding him. He made no at­ tempt to be ugly. A soldier that was leaniu^'on a pork barrel told me to hold my haversack close to him; and when the guard* back was turned he would try his hand. I did so, and in less than three minutes ho had my haversack full to the buckle with pork He told me to go to a large oak tree that stood near and he would try his luck on tome crackers. 1 went to the tree as lie bade me. While I was standing there I thought ! ha l a good thing, and so I struck out for camp. If tliis should come t<» that tu tu's notice i would like to hear what luck he had in the cracker line and how lie felt when lie found I had left with the sow­ belly. If he will send nn his name, company, regiment and post office ad­ dress 1 will send him THE NATIONAL TKIBUNK fcrone year at my expense. M u l b e r r y G r o v e , K a n . Look Out; lt*i Loadcdt 1 have .just added to iny collection of relics of the late unpleasantness a shell Ion nd by a Iriend at Spottsyl- vania Court House, concerning which 1 desire some information. It measures about 9J inches In length and some­ what resembles a cigar in shape. One end, wlt'ch lias a lead plug, is about 1| inches in diaiteter and abruptly swells out to about 2} inches, wnlcli measure­ ment continues about 5 incites in length and then terminates witli an edge of about } inch, from which is continued a tapering gradually extend­ ing the remaining length and termin­ ating witli a nose of about 1 inch in diameter. The part of the shell that is tapering has 7 slight ridges of tbout t inch in width running io the nose lengthwise, seemingly to re-enforce it. It is not intended for a rifled piece; the leaden plug is sunk in. so I judge it is a fuse and not a percussion shell. As it is unexploded. I am some- what anxious toknow if I CJUUI s .fely undertake to bore out the leaden p'.ug so as to remove the couto its and render it harmless in the event of fire, I would esteem it a favor if you would publish tills in your next issue, that 1 may be benefited by the infor­ mation I may derive from some of your readers who were familiar with these mSssHes during their experience of array life. They may be able to it- form jne what kind of a shell it is and if I.ean with safety remove its con­ tents. WM. A. UNDERWOOD, /Cleve­ land, Ouio. red by a Glass Rye. To THE EDITOR: During the Sum­ mer of 1863, while on the way from the Rappahannock to Gettysburg, rmI received a gun shot in the calf of the leg, and went bumming on mv own hook keeping just near enough t.»enjoy the success our boys were having in routing the enemy, but far enough away for safety. I came across a fal­ len, an J as I supposed wounled, com­ rade. He was lying In the hot sun. staring at mo with one eye. I asked: "Comrade, are you wounded? Can I do anything for yon? ' I received no response, and dismounted with my canteen to give him water. A blood­ stain on his breast led me to makn an examination, which showed that the ball had entered the region of the heart and that )ie w 8 dead. The natural expression of Ills open eye made me doubt. I examined tiie Closed eye, and found. it cold and glassy. I pulled up the lid of tlie open eye carefully, when out it popped with a loud snap, scaring me so badly that I saw or heard nothing until a Sergeant and squad with stretcher or ambulance arrived and asked what I was doing.-- I have no recollection of the answer I made or anything I said at the time. I had uever heard of ah artificial eye, which it ptoved to be. The man was Lester Blood, 6th Ohio Cav, A coin. rade, who I think signed himself Andy Laney, wrote of this engagement once. It he sdee this I wish he would tell if Oomfade Blood's friends teceived his effects, eye, etc., as I have a rather cloudy recollection of giving some of the party who aroused me from my trance a handful of things taken from the inside 6f his blouse or jacket.--A. M. BKALT. Co. H,4th Pa. Cav., Demp- eeytown, Veaango Co., Pa.--National Tribune. „ - Written for the Plalndeaier. DRESSER'S DROLLERIES- NO. 30. 'btu KM D,, St. LOUIS, no; The year 1483, when Richafd III as­ cended the throne, was a bad time for England. But.fortunately the reign of the aforesaid Richard was short, as two years later, his army wa9 defeated on the field of Bo8worth, and himself slain with a boot-jack. Conceding that the English had a rather lively ttme of in 1483, let us glance at his III majesty, as he sits in his palace, enjoying what might be termed private theatricals. Sitting under a velvet canopy that was besprinkled with golden stars, Richard t 'ie third sat on a cushioned throne. A green shade obscured his right,eye, as th-tt optic had been In­ jured the day before in an argument witti the hired girl, who declared that a king was no better than any other wo iian." On the king's right stood Sir Jameg Tyrfel. who had an un­ governable propensity for strangling children, wliether noisy or otherwise, as was evinced by his playful escapade in the tower", where he caused to be smothered two baby princes, and buried their bodies under the stairs without placing a tomb-stone to mark their resting place. On account of this playful piece of business he was dubbed, in a joking way, 'Lord of the Realms of Humor.' But; let us ring the curtain up! The stage was constructed after tlie approved pattern of the time, and in design was unique and ^tasteful. The scene portrayed a house, two stories In height, on which was a huge sign bearing the words: "Bordlng House.-- Keeped by Mrs. sO'Ryan,\ On the street corner stood a huge elevated lamp, presumably lighted by electric Ity and in th£ background a forest Could be seeii outlined agttiiist uisistni the ctu.&aiD~o-AA& the man who thuhdered at the bass violin continued playing in spite of the vigorous protests of the manager, having Imbibed too much sour mash at the whisky ring's headquarters.-- Lord Tyrrel, wiih his characteristic humor, sugges ed that the man be locked up iu a closet, and have read to him some of Henry Ward, Beecher's so called sermons. This terrible propos ition completely sobered the musician, who immedietely agreed to sign the pledge in order to escape tlie impend­ ing chastisement. <o .people of tlie nineteenth century it seems hardly possible so cruel a torture could be in­ dicted on a fellow being by any one other^hun a monster. Therefore, it is hi'g'my probable Lord Tyrrel gave t lie heartless advice he did tee rely as a practical jo\e. The play was tiow under way, A seedy looking man stood beneath the brilliant glare of the corner lamp, and held In his hand a long roll of manu­ script, which beseemed to be perusing eagerly. His nose was a hue peculiar to those who indulge too frequently in the flowing bowl. Ashe became ex cited over the matter contained in the manuscript, the reader commenced t<^ exclaim, and gesticulate wildly, his large mustache, and abundant, curly, iron gray hair shaking like the leases of a silver poplar, Just at this mo ment a window in the upper story was softly raised, and a bu&on damsel leaned far out, and soused tlie unfor­ tunate deelaimer with a pail of chalk and water, called, by courtesy, country milk. As the maid ?hut tlie window she was heard to murmur audibly: '"! guess J have done for that Mark I'wuin this time! He's always hanging around here creating such a disturb­ ance nobody can sleep. I heard him say he never goes to church because there are no "between acts," to enable a man to go out »id have a game of billiards. I 'm going to drop the sew. ing machine ou him it he comes around again tomorrow." Upon being deluged with tlie alleged milk the victim shot ofl the stage like a rocket, and, shortly after tho damsel had ceased her soliloquy, reappeared with a ladder, which, by placinsr it agaiust the house, he found would reach the window. Climbing to the top. the schemer gently raised the sash rfnd en­ tered the house. A moment later a succession of shots and shrieks were heard within, and shortly after a profound calm was evident. The door kuob was observed to turn, and the character designed as Mark Twain appeared, steaming with perspiration, and Uls clothing reeking with gore. He had "cleaned out" the house, and thus satiated his revenge in a sea.of blood. When the hero displayed fourteen scalps, King Rich nl was so delighted he ordered the tragediag to recite a poem, which he did after a few prefa tory remarks ou clams and the cultiva­ tion of the banana viue. - . WIITTER. ' , - ' The Winter Spirit now appears, % Borne on a frozen thunder clond. And where his camping tent he niuiif' The bloom is hidden 'neath a shror*"* When Dawn arises from her couSb ' To greet the world with kindlf.C) The clouds, her lashes dark, cncrob. And veil the blue that in them Ilea At noon, across the pearly WASte, Is.borne the merry sound ot bells. That, jangling on in tuneful haste, Seems music that concordant swell! From belf r es in ihQ,,gol<ien clime " That wafts across a silver bay! At night, the blast howls thro' the trees, Like demons shrie king out their !>•»<, While ghostly hands construct a friSffe . lTpon the window's hoarv panel The chimney's grimy lips breathe : A radiant host of mimic stars v " That, scattered by the breezed routr"-^, Seem kindred to the blood-red MarauT - When winter mounts his cloud, and JjMP ^To where the surging icebergs d*iplL&«.4? S w e e t s p r i n g a w a k e s . I n g l a d s r t r p r M f t . ^ Aijd breathes perfume o'er hillandl When the poem was concHit king gave the successful actor*] al note for seventy-five dollars half, payable in sixty years at tt of six per cent per annum,- Twain remarked that he would the note in the hands of Benjri Franklin for collection, provided he could get a can of oysters as ity, and, showing the homage accorded to kings, he got on a WalwiiiS' triln bound for the east. LOTELL. 1 Jwj | will jnirol The Wife Rale at. Home. Good old Martin L. Townsend this is the best thing Josh Billiiy|b overwrote: "Any man ,who accept* the office of tirst lieutenant in his own home need not look for promotion/1 i The idea conveyed by this gen of thought is that the man who places hU wife in command of his household need j never expect to rise above a subordin. •'* ate position in his own home. There i»%^"' neither wit nor wisdom in the saying. it is a cheap bid for laugh. If Josh Billings wrote nothing better than this 'twere a shame to dignify blin with tho name of writer at all. But Joeb BUI* f 'ties lias written many sensible tliteg|| and wo are of the opinion that were alive to see the above paragrap ed as his best he would f mortified over it. For no married man who fortunate enough to win a faithful helpmate wilt try toco authority In the household rather encourage it. The mor he has over it the better for llm »nd for his children, i< he is blessed any. The sensible mtMily man is ai> ambitious toH»e a cotnm of the hired girl, known by the grocerym? the milkman, and the egg wouial chief officer and post commandant. He is contented to attend to his business downtown, to supply his wife with nboney to meet her household expenses to keep his nose out of the kitchen stove, ami h's hands off the kitchen, provender. The man who hangs around the house,, peeps into the closets, ex­ amines the flour barrel, scrutenlzes the bread basket, and makes a general nui> sauce of himself may be the officercotn. man ding, but as a rule hl9 home is hardly worth the attention of a wife, and seldom gets It.- The woman's kingdom is the home. It is the one place where she should rule with unquestioned authority. If she is a good woman her rule is so gen* tie that Lt is never felt. Most women are <;ooil and most homes are happy, because most meirare sensible eneugli1 t their wives rule.--Chicago Mail. The Sau Francisco Examiner tells about a peculiar fish to be found !n Goose Lake. They rise to the surface, and swell up (o a large size by taking 1 in air. Then they float around reflect- : ing all the colore of the rainbow, A % crme recently swallowed one of thescr •?! tish when in Its normal condition, but J before Hie crane had got. more than fifty foet up above the lake the fls!i had taken in enough air to explode the* crane, which at the sound of a report ^ like that of a gun, flew all to atoms, - '.i and the flsh came lightly down on the-':-J water, no worse off for a short ri<|> In the air. terWhi e Farmer Wolf, of Moore* field. W. Va.. was gunning, Saturday^ for his daughter Alice and Joe Isenberjf who had run away to get married, anc| was returning in triumph with Ailce^ another lover Invaded the promise# and carried off another willing daugh~ ter. The farmer started for this second* party, leaving two other m&rriageabhir daughters at home, and the neighbor* 1 hood is looking on in expectation of atffi lettst three marriages before tb<£: trouble is ended. ^Lll the gossips agree that no other picnic of the year bat: equaled this one. • ? magr Ti e proprietor of a Japanese store in San Francisco offers cops of te%* as a delicate attention to his patrons, The Newn Letter says that a party re-t^ eenily entered the place "laden with lunch hamper, from which they ex-» > tracted various and sundry substantial articles of food, and setting forth upon the bamboo table beneath the big UBH brella, ordered tea for the crowdrj Having lun-hed comfortably' In thefp presence of the astouuded clerks they departed in peace and quietu-te and left their crumbs behind them." Tlie celebrated Cortland Side SprEag Buggy is the leader. Ask the 300 ii»' this county whu they think of tlien>,|^J ; Aiway* on USA4 Jt, *. I ' . . " '