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warn** TTtf"' '* VfcTn afrMia i. VAN SLYKE, Editor and Publisher. McHENRY, •<fc' 'i ILLINOIS. KISS •THROUGH THIS TKUCPHOfVK. • fSf*#; The Telephone, In merry tone. • . • fff i SMg'Tinkelty-tinkelty-ttnpIt*. I put iny ear v-a. V*. "»? •'% Close up to bear, , fta|wh«t did I hear, do you think* » "Papa hallo! TJto n?c, Vou know," DM voice of my own little Miaa, "You wi nt away From hnniK to-day, A$d yon never gave me--a kite. • "It" «M a mistake, f I wa not a* ake, a, «- ' Mm yOB *ent out of the haOM J thought that a kiss .* Wonlil not be amis* ' If I fare it alyaa a mousa. > "So here poo*. papa, • And on» fr in tnamma, - Aad toother when you can oome Just answer me tiia, ;. Is it nice to kiBs When you want through the daw Telefotne?" •>* "Hello!" I replied, v With fivtlinr.y jiri.lo,' •jFvagot them as t-nug a« can be; . rit give them all back. With many a suiack. Wlpbever I come home to tea.* j>#\ • 4; > VANITY OF VANITIKS. Bee to the blossom, moth to the flame ; Bach to his passion. What'a in a name? feed clover's sweetest, well the bee knows t Ho bee can suck it; lonely it blow*. I f* deep lies its honey -out of reach, deep; r ; What use is honey hidden to keep? ' ' s Robbed in the autumn, starring for breads ,,/f Who stops to pity a honey bee dead? sgtar flames are brightest, blazing the skiea Only a hand's breath the moth-wing fliea; Fooled with a candle, scorched with a broath, Poor little miller, a tawdry doatli 1 .ftite ia a honey, life ia a flame; . Saoh to his passion--what's in a name? "Swinfiiny and circling face to the suii, 1 . ®rief little planet, how it doth run; Beo time and moth time, add the amount; White heat and honey, who keeps the count? Oono some fine evening, a spark out-tost t The world so darker for one star loat t Bee to the blossom, moth to the flame; Bach to his passion--what's in a name? > AN AMUSING SKETCH, M Bfmia'i Famous ieeant ol SaakeMtela's Playlaift the Plane. -.1 "J "Jud, they say you have heard Rubin­ stein play when vou were in New York?" "I did, in the cool." "Well, tell us all about it." "What! me? I might's well tell you about the creation of the world." "Come now; no mock modestv. Go ahead." "Well, sir, he had the biggest, catty- oornerdest pianner you ever laid your eyes on; somethin' like a distracted billiard table on three legs. The lid was heisted, and mighty -well it was. If it hadn't he'd a tore the intire sides clean out, and scattered them to the four winds of heaven." "Played well, did he ?" "You bet he did; but don't interrupt me. When he first sat down lie 'peared to keer mighty little Txrat playin' and wish't he hadn't come. He tweedle- eedled on the trible a little, and twoodle- oodled some on the bass--just foolin' and boxin' the thing jaws, for being in his way. And I says to the man settin' next to me, s' I, 'What sort of fool- playin' is that? And he says 'Hush!' 'But presently his hands began chasin' one 'nother up and down the keys, like ft parcel of rats scamperin' through a garret very swift. Parts of it was •weet, though, and reminded me of a augar-squirrel turning the wheel of a candy-cage. " 'S'ow,' I says to my neighbor, lie's a showing off. He thinks he's fir floin' <pf it, but he ain't got no ide, no plan of Sothin'. If he'd play a tune of some j|ind or other, I'd- ' * "But my neighbor says 'Heigh,' very *> ^inpatient. •" "I was just about to git up and go home, bein' tired of that foolishness, when I heard a little bird waking away <" off in the woods, and calling sleepy-like hp his mate, and I looked up, and I see "Ihat Rubin was beginnin' to take some Jhterest in his business, and I set down *igin. It was the peep of day. The fight came faint from the east, the "freeze bio wed gentle and fresh, some birds waked up in the orchard, tlien «ome more in the trees near the house, < «nd all begun singin' together. People "began to stir and the gal opened the abutters. Just then the first beam of file sun fell upon the blossoms a leetle more, and it techt the roses on the -hushes, and the next thing it was the Abroad day; the sun fairly blazed, the birds sang like thev'd split their throat; the leaves were movin' and flashin' i diamonds of dew, and the whole wide World was bright and happy as a king, deemed to me like there was a good breakfast in every house in the land, and not a sick child or woman anywhere. It was a fine mornin'. "And I says to my neighbor, 'That's Dausic, that is.' "But he glanced at• me 1ik« he'd cut my throat. "Presently the wind turned; it began to thicken up and a kind of thick gray mist came over things; I got low- , fpirited directly. Then a silver rain $egan to fall. 1 could see the drops •ouch the ground, some flashed up like long pearl ear-rings, and the rest rolled away like rubies. It was pretty, but melancholy. Then the pearls gathered themselves into long strands and neck­ laces, and then they melted into thin silver streams running between golden gravels, and then the streams joined each other at the bottom of the hill, and made a brook that flowed silent, except that you could kinder see music, --especially when the business on the bank moved as the music went along down the valley. I could smell the flowers in the meadow. But the sun didn't shine, nor the birds sing; it was a foggy day, but not cold. The most curious thing was the little white angel "boy, like you see in pictures, that run ahead of the music book, and led it on and on, away out of the world, g.: ^ where no man ever was--I never was, 8*j> * ( certain. I could see the boy just as "plain aa I see you. Then the moon- , .light came, without any sunset, and •?V"j«hone on the graveyards, over the wall and between the black sharp-top trees splendid marble houses rose up, ' ' with fine ladies in the lit-up windows, y-ff : *.i and men that loved 'em, but never got nigh 'em, and played on guitars under * the trees, and made me that miserable W „ I could a-cried, because I wanted to '• ' love somebody, I didn't know who, bet , ter than the men with guitars did l>^'«Then the sun went down, it got dark, , I the wind moaned and wept like a lost 'Vfcv child for its dead mother, and I could a , " * got up and there and then preached a bet- sermon than any I ever listened to, tef?f There wasn't a tiling in the world left • *o live for, not a single thing, and yet «tidn't wast the music to stop one bit. It was happier to be miserable than to be happy without l>eing miserable. 1 hung my head and pulled out my hand* kerchief, ami blowed my nose to keep from crvin'. My eyes is weak anyway: I didn't want anyl>ody to be gazing at me a-snivellin', and its none of nobody's business what I do with my nose. It's mine. But several glared at me as mad as Tucker. Then, all of a sudden, old "lluhin changed his tune. He rip'd and lie rar'd, he tip'd and he tar'd, and he charged like the gyand entry at a circtfs. 'Peared to me that all the gas in the house was tnrned on at once, things got so bright, and I held up my head ready to look at any man in the face, and not afear'd of nothin'. It was a circus, and a brass band, and a big ball, all goipg on at the same time. He lit into them keys like a thousand of bricks; he gave 'em no rest, day nor night; he set every livin' joint in me a goin', and not bein' able to stand it no longer, I jumpt, sprang i$to my seat, and jest hollered. " 'Go it, my Rube!' "Every man, woman, and child in the house riz oh me, and shouted 'Put him out! put him out!' Put your great-grandmother's griz­ zly gray greenish cat into the middle of next month,' I says. 'Tech me if vou dare! I paid my money, and you j&st come a-nigh mel? "With that several policeman ran up and I had to .simmer down. But I would a fit any fool that laid hands on' me, for I was lH>und to hear Rube out or die, "He had changed his tune again. He hopt like ladies and tip-toed fine from end to end of the key-board. He played soft, and low, and solemn. I heard the church bells over the hills. The can­ dles in heaven were lit one by one; I saw the stars rise. The great organ of eternity began to play from the world's end to the world's end! and the nngels went to prayers. * * * Then the music changed to water full of felling that couldn't he thought, and began to drop --drip, drop, drip, drop---clear and sweet, like tears of joy fallin' into a lake of glory. It was as sweet as a sweetheart sweetn'd with white sugar, mixed with powdered silver and seed diamonds. It was too sweet. I tell you the audience cheered. Rubin, he kinder bowed,j like he wanted to say, 'Much obleeged, but I'd rather you wouldn't interrupt me.' He stopped a minute or two to fetch breath. Then he got mail. He runs his fingers through his hair, he shoved up his sleeves, he opened up his coat tails a little further, he drug up his stool, he leaned over, and, sir, he just went for that old pianner. He slapt her face, he boxed her face, he pulled- her nose, he pinched her ears, and he scratched her cheek till she fairly yelled. He knock't her down, and he stampt on her shameful. She bellowed like a bull,, she bleated like a calf, she shrieked likej a rat, and then he wouldn't let her up. He ran a quarter stretch down the low grounds of the bass, 'till he got clean into the bowels of the earth, and you' heard thunder galloping after thunder, thro' the hollows and caves of perdition; and then he fox-chased his right hand with his left till he got away out of the treble into the clouds, whar the notes was finer than the points of cambric needles, and you couldn't hear but the shadders of 'em. And then he wouldn't let the old pianner go. He for'ard and two'd, he cross't over first gentleman, he cross't over first lady, he balanced two pards, he chassed right and left, back to your places, he all hands aroun', ladies to the right, promenade all, in and out, here and there, back and forth, up and down, perpetual mo­ tion, double, and twisted, and turned, and tacked, and tangled into forty- leven thousand double bow knots. "It was a mystery. And then he wouldn't let the old pianner go. He feteht up his right wing, he fetcht up his left wing, he feteht up his cen­ ter, he fecht up his reserves. He fired by file, he fired by platoons, by com­ pany, by regiments, by brigades. He opened his cannon, siege gun dqwn thar, Napoleons here, twelve-pounders yonder, big guns, little guns, middle- size guns, round shot, shells, shrapnels, grape, canister, mortars, mines, and magazines, every livin' battery and bomb a-goin' at the same time. The house trembled, the lights danced, and the walls shuk, the floor came up, the ceilin' come down, the sky split, the ground rockt--heaven and earth, crea­ tion, sweet potatoes, Moses, tainepences, glory, tenpenny nails, my Mary Ann, Hallelujah, Samson in a simmon tree, Jerusalem, Tump Thompson in a tum- bler cart, reodle - oodle - oodle-oodle ruddle-uddle-uddle-uddle-raddle-addle- addle-addle-riddle - iddle - iddle - iddle- rettle-ettle-ettle-ettle-p-r-r-r-r-lang! per lang! p-r-r-r-r-r-lang! Bang] With that bang he lifted himself bodily into the air, and he came down with his knees, his ten fingers, his* ten toes, his elbows and his nose, striking every single solitary key on that pian­ ner at the same time. The ttiirig busted and went off into seventeen hun­ dred and fifty-seven thousand five hun­ dred and forty-two hemi-demi-semi- quavers, and I know'd no mo." M THE FIENDISH SIOUX. fhe Terrible Manner In Which a Stalwart 8oI«ll«r Wa* Tortured by Indiana. . The chief sent for me and gavA me to Understand that I might go and talk with the prisoner. At the time I took it as a gracious favor, but later on I saw it was only the first step on the program nt torture. They wanted to torture the poor fellow mentally as well as phys ically. I at once went over to him. He was dust-covered and blood-stained, and evidently half dead with thirst. Be­ fore speaking to him I handed him a gourd of water. The vessel held, a full quart, and he drained to the last drop before he looked up. "My God! You are a white man !" he exclaimed, as he saw my face. "Yes, but aprisoner like yourself/' "Oh! you will save me won't you! These infernal devils are going to tor­ ture me!" I promised to interfere for his life, though holding out no hope that I could save it, and then asked: "What command do you belong to?" "Gen. Sully's. ( 5 "Where is it ?'* , , ^ ; "I was captured about* twenty miles frop here, and we broke camp this morning." "Who was your Captain?" "Capt. Smith." "What is your name ?" He promptly replied to the query, but" I cannot now recall the name; it was like Saulsbury or Slaterly. He had the most direful foreboding of the immediate future, and anxiety and ill- usage had almost driven him crazy. He was a large, stout man, with black hair and deep black eyes, and had evidently been in the service for years. He might have been termed a game man, but the fear of torture had made a child of him. At his earnest solicita­ tion I went to seek the chief, but be­ fore I reached the tent a crowd of war­ riors seized the prisoner and hurried him to a stake driven in the clear space in the center of the village. I saw that I was too late, and started for mv lodge, but before I reached it I was seized by»two bucks and hurried to the stake and made to sit down on the grass beside a sub-chief. The head chief had a seat a few feet away, and his countenance expressed the great satisfaction he anticipated. The sol­ dier's arms were tied behind him to the stake, while his legs were left free. Such terror and anguish I never saw in a human f%ce before or since. He en­ treated me--he begged the chief--he appealed to the Indians to save him. He offered to be a slave--a dog--to join them and fight the whites---to do anything on earth to preserve his life. I was half wild, but dared not even reply to him, while the chief and the specta­ tors mocked him. At a sign from the chief the torture began. The soldier, as I had neglected to state,. was stripped stark naked. The first move was to cut a great slice from the left arm just above the elbow. The piece was held up to view and then thrown to the dogs. The man shrieked antf shouted, and tugged at his bonds, but while so doing a slice was cut from the calf of his right leg. Blood flowed so freely that I believed that he would be a dead man in five minutes. Then his other arm and leg were sliced, and his calls for mercy were answered by sneers and laughter. Then, at brief intervals, the prisoner's ears, nose, and chin were cut off, his l»ody cut and slashed, his toes seyered from his foot, and brands of fire lield against his legs and body that the braves might see him squirm and dance. Even now, fifteen years after, I grow faint at the thought, and I shudder as I recall his groans and shrieks. As I sat there before him I neither turned my eyes away nor fainted. There was a horrible fascination which I could not shake off, and the feeling was strong upon me that I would be the next vic­ tim. The torture continued for a full hour, during whieli time the man never fainted once, and there was scarcely an instant when he was not pleading and begging for mercy. He was dyed in blood after the first five minutes, and it ran down until the ground was saturated, but it was certainly a whole hour before he gave up. Along toward the last, when he showed signs of fainting, the knives were applied to a fresh part and the firebrands thrust against him, frben he would revive,. At length ho iell for­ ward, almost gone, and . a warrior stepped up and scalped him. This was a signal to about twenty boys in wait­ ing, and they at once rushed in, each one armed •with a knife, and cut and slashed and stabbed, until what was left of the poor body resembled a piece of bloody beef.--Captive Phymcian, in New York Sun. Steel Pens. Only a few years ago Bulwer put iiito the mouth of his dramatic creation, Richelieu," these pregnant wolrds: The pen is mightier than the sword!" In the short time which has since elapsed these words have acquired a new application; the pen has conquered the sword in the field of commerce as ompletely as it had formerly triumphed in the fields of high policy and wprld government. The little civilizer (^s it may well be called) is now in every hand, but within the memory of iqany men still living the steel pen was supply a curious and costly toy, noticeable as an ingenious mechanical fact, but h^t at all as an invention likely to» ocM (into practical use. The earliest form of the article was certainly not promising. A piece of sheet steel was, bent into a tub­ ular form, and cut or filed away to imitate the shape of a quill-pen, the junction of the two edges forming the nib, which, of course, extended all up the back of the pen. These Were known as early as 1812, but Were regarded as articles de luxe, to be given away as presents, and not for use. They were lighly polished, perhaps gilt or silvered, and sold for as much as 5 shillings each. In 1824 Mr. James Perry, the founder of a system of education once famous as the "Perryan" system, took up the steel pen as a practical invention, and by in­ domitable energy overcame the diffi­ culties in its construction and the objec­ tions to its use. He patented several varieties and spared no expense to attain perfection. His brother informed Mr. Samuel Timmins, of Birmingham, that he paid 7 shillings per pound for his steel and 5 shillings per pen to the first workmen ho employed, and that for years afterward the price given to his workmen was 36 shillings per' gross.-- fndnxtrkit of Great Britain. „ M AVOID shame, but do not seek glory ^-nothing so expensive M glory.--^W- , ney Smith. The Cherokee Nation. When the Clierokees were first known to the whites they occupied the upper valley of the Tennessee River, the mountains and valleys of the Alle­ ghany range, and the headwaters of the Savannah and Flint Rivers. De Soto's exploring expedition visited the tribe in 1540, but from their interior position, the CHerokees came very little in con­ tact with the white men for many years after the settlement of tlus country be­ gan. The tribe formed a peopie by themselves, distinct from the other Indian tribes, though perhaps con­ nected remotely with the Iroquois, and lived in small villages along the streams of their country. In the struggles be­ tween the French and English on this continent in the early part of the eight­ eenth century th.e Cherokees adhered to the latter, and in 1730 made formal submission to the English king. A few years later the small-pox broke out in the tribe, and nearly h%lf of their num­ ber died of it. This led them to aban­ don many of their towns, and in 1755 to make the first cession of part of their lands. In 1757 their warriors took part in the expedition against the French on the Ohio, and on their way home, being unprovided with rations, they plundered the settlers. This led to a war with the whites, which continued at intervals for over three years. In 1773 they ceded another large tract of land to the State of Georgia. They took part with the British in the Revolution, until their country was invaded and laid waste by the Continental soldiers. In 1777 and 17JB0 they were compelled to cede large tracts of land to the whites. By the Hopewell treaty, November 28, 1785, they acknowledged the sover­ eignty of the United States, and were solemnly confirmed in the possession of their hunting grounds. Settlemohts, however, were now rapidly encroaching upon them, and the Cherokees were themselves becoming civilized, and cul­ tivated more land and hunted less. Thev gave up further portions of their territory by the treaties of Holston in 1791, and of Tellico in 1798, and before these a part of their hunters in 1790, because of the scarcity of. game,' had crossed the Mississippi and settled on th'e St. Francis River. ' In' 1mI7 the Western Cherokees numbered 3,C0(X Tho Eastern Cherokees had now btj come quite civilized, and through thJ efforts of the Moravian missionaries, many had become Christians. The} rendered important aid to the Govern­ ment in the war of 1812. In 1815 thej had given up a large tract of land ir Tennessee, and by a treaty in 1817 thej ceded other lands to the Government iE exchange for territory cn the Arkansas and White Rivers, to which 3,000 oi their number removed in 1$18. These continued cessions of land had reduced the Cherokee territory to a mountain­ ous tract of itl>out 8,000 squre miles, chiefly within the limits of Georgia The people of that State were so anx­ ious to secure the total removal of the tribe that, by a series of most unj,iis1 laws, passed by their Legislative As­ sembly, they extended their jurisdiction over the Cherokee territory and aljol- ished the Indian tribal government. The Cherokee nation, in vain, appealed to the Federal Government for justice, or for the privileges guaranteed them by previous treaties. At last, throng!; the influence of the whites, a small party in the nation was induced to con sent to a general removal, and in 183£ Gen. Scott was sent into their territory with 2,000 soldiers to' transfer them ali beyond the Mississippi River. Theii numl»erB were now estimated at 27.00( warriors, squaws, and pappooses. Thej were moved to their reservation in tht Indian Territory, which comprised 9,776.000 acres. Part of this land, ir the Cherokee strip and Oklahoma terri­ tory, they have since ceded in trust tc the United States for the settlement ol other Indians, and another .part the> have sold to the Osages, so that the reservation now occupied by them in­ cludes 3,844,712 acres. Here they have steadily advanced in civilization, have built churches and schools, established a printing-press and published several newspapers and Bibles and school- book* in their language, and as a people, have devoted themselves to the raising ol grain, cattle, horses, and cotton, and also control valuable salt-works.--Inter Ocean. The Tallest Tree in the World. "Here are the extremes of plant life,' said a botanist, holding a microscopic slide in one hand and a picture of a great tree in the other. "This is a diatom, one of the smallest vegetable organisms, invisible to the naked eye, while this," flourishing the picture, "it the largest tree as to height in the world." • "One of the sequoias?^ "No," was the reply. "Uncle San: has don e pretty well with trees, but when it comes to height the British lior takes the belt, as the loftiest trees are found in the Australian dominion. This picture is a photograph of one found by a traveler in the Black range of Ber­ wick, and it is estimated ,at 500 feel from the ground to the topmoflt, branch. Think of it a moment," continued the speaker. "Five hundred feet means a good deal. It would dwarf the Bar- tholdi statue; Trinity would look like a telegraph pole compared to it; the Brooklyn bridge would be nowhere; Strasburg Cathedral would be fifty- four feet below the birds' nests on the top branches, and, if the giant was placed by the side of the pyramid of Cheops, the leaves of the eucalyptus would still be twenty-fivu feet above it. That's the kind of treea they have in Australia, and they are un­ doubtedly the largest on the globe, though it is claimed that the California specimens are more impressive from their greater bulk. The gum trees, a$ the Australian giants are called, are a comparatively modern discovery, and for a long time it was impossible to aj> proach them, but new roads are broken, and travelers can ride directly to tho foot of several. One of the first known, Kanni eucalyptus {Eumlpptii * rofossea) of botanists, was discovered in a glen of the Warren River, Wester^ Australia. When found by a party ol riders, it was prostrate upon the ground, and four riders abreast entered the trunk, that was esti­ mated at 400 feet in length. An­ other species, E. Amzgdalina, meas­ ured by Boyle in the gloomy forest ol Daudenong, was found to be 420 feet long, while another, now growing on the Black Spur, ten miles from Heales- ville, is 480 feet high. These measure­ ments, you see, are far ahead of the California trees, one of the largest, that I think is known as 'The Father of the Forest.' only measuring 435 feet, and being 110 feet in circumference at the base. The one called 'The Mother o| the Forest' measures 320 feet in height, with a circumference at the base oi ninety feet. When they felled the famous 'Traveller' in 1853, and, by the way, every man that had a hand in it ought to have been sent to Dry Tortugas, it took five or six men nearly a month to bring it to the ground, and they had all kinds of tools to work with, pump augers, wedges and everything you could think of." Malaga Olives and Gnpes. The olive tree in shape and size re* sembles exactly our own New England apple tree, and but for the color a plan­ tation of then would look Hk« an apple orchard. The leaf, however, is of a dull gray green, at times almost tsh colored, a.ud the effect of a bfll- •ude planted with them in regular rows is sombre and funereal. There are two varieties. Thoiie known to us as "Queen olives" are restricted to a small locality near Seville. They do not flourish elsewhere, and the supply will never be very large. No special 'preparation ia necessary to fit the fruit for market. They are gathered before they are fully ripe and thrown at once into salt and water, and in that state are barreled up for shipment. The other variety growg all over Spain. When fully ripe the l>erries, stone and all, are ground up in a mill and pressed, the process being very similar to cider-making. There are no t reliable statistics as to the amonnt of oil made in Spain, bnt in the aggregate it inust be immense, for it takes among all classes the place of lard or butter in cooking, besides the great quantity that is consumed in salads or with plain bread as we nsei butter or molasses. Of the grapes of Malaga there are three distinct varieties, the wine grape, the raisin, and the well- khown white grape, of which we Amer­ icans import so many. This last grows upon a running vine that is trained upon trellises or arbors, and is peculiar to this Vega, as it flourishes hardly any­ where else. I asked a friend if it was valued as a table grape at home. "Oh, no," said he, "it isn't fit to be eaten; it is only fit to be exported!" The cultivation of this crop is a good deal of a lottery. They cost very "little to raise, but as they must be shipped when still green, they are very apt to decay on the voyage, and result in loss, in­ stead or profit, to the shipper. The rasin grape also reaches its perfection only in the narrow district round here, though poor qualities are raised every­ where. The vine' is a low, trailing one, spreading closely over the ground like a melon vibe, and the clusters lie upon the sand, the only care necessary being to prevent them Irom l>eing scorched by the sun. Owing to the labor of curing them, the cultivation must be carried on upon a large scale, and requires a good deal of capital. The bunches re­ main on the vines until fully ripe, when they are cut without being disturbed, and are allowed to remain on the ground under the vines for two or threo days. They are then carried in shallow baskets to the drying-floor, the greatest of care being taken to prevent them from bruising or crushing one another. To such an extent is this care taken that only a single layer is allowed in the basket, and ais this basket must be car­ ried on a man's head sometimes a mile from the field to the drying-floor, it fol­ lows that this transportation adds largely to the expense of harvesting. The bunches are spread upon the dry­ ing floor in the sun, are turned three or four times per day, and at nightfall, in case of damp weather, are protected by cloth coverings. If the weather is fa­ vorable the grapes are sufficiently dried at the end of three weeks from the cut­ ting# when they are critically examined, bunch by bunch, all the decayed or blighted berries cut out with sharp- pointed scissors, and the good fruit is then packed in boxes and sent to the city, where they are sorted and re­ packed in the well-known rasin boxes. All this handling, including the trim­ ming out the decayed fruit, must be done in the full blaze of the sun and in the hottest portion of the day, and as, moreover, the drying-floor is located with a special reference to its being the sunniest, hottest spot in all the estate, it is no wonder that this class of labor is the highest paid in the country.-- Boston Cultivator. State JPride. "Judge," said an Arkansas man, who was arraigned for assault with intent to kill, "I'm no baby. I don't whine and kick. I went for this Tennessee man with a club, and that's a fact. But] your Honor, there was provocation, awful provocation." "Then you plead guilty?" "Certainly I do, but hear me. This long-legged, ganker-shanked, wilted-up specimen of humanity got right up on the head of a bar'l in front of Simmon's grocery and crowed like a rooster, and yelled out that Tennessee had two mur­ ders to our one! That 'ere statement touched^, my State pride, vour Honor, and I sailed in to defend old Arkansaw agin the world." The jury found a verdict of "not guilty," without leaving their seats. The Transition Period. A gentleman passing along Franklin Street saw two children, apparently 5 and 6 years old, playing in the gutter. The elder wore pantaloons, while the younger still clung to dresses. Stop­ ping, he addressed the lx>y with the pantaloons: "Are you both boys?" "No, was the answer; "I'm one, and Johnny's going to be one next week."--Chicago Times. Don't (Ho Anywhere. One of those sharp Eastern fellows was looking for land in Calaveras County, when he met a boy at a rail­ road station. He inquired of the boy where the railroad went to. "It don't go anywhere, sir," was the reply. "They keep it here to run the cars on."--California Maverick. Popped Bain. "See, mamma!" exclllimed a little girl as she looked out of the window during a snow-storm, "see- the popped rain coming down."--Harper's Bazar. *%- 1 • •" COMPRESSED paper ia said to have bfteta successfully experimented with in (J^ymany for Jriano cases. ' ' He Wanted Pennies. The conversation had just turned upon a reporter's recent attempt to corrtipt the Pullman car service by offering a porter 50 cents -for the privilege of waking up a sleeping politician for an interview. "I had a worse case than that once," said Conductor Jack Robinson, who has run a sleeping car in every State in the« Union. "How was that?" inquired a by­ stander. "Why, it was down on one of the lit­ tle roads which runs through the woods in Georgia; I don't remember whOre now. We had stopped about 1 o'clock in the morning at some little waystation to take water. When we started up I went through the car. I saw an old fellow sitting up with nothing on but his night .clothes, and swearing until he warped the mahogany veneering of the furniture. 'What the blankety-blank- blank land of a way have you got of running this road, anyway,' he gasped. " 'Wliv, stranger,' I said, 'what's the matter ?' " " 'Matter?' he frothed. .'Why, I was fast asleep, and in came a colored boy and pulled the curtail* back and woke me up. He wasn't mbre than 10 years old, bare-footed and bare-headed, and only one suspender. He had a grin on him like the mouth of a jack lantern. I jumped half scared to death and said, well, what do you want ?' " " 'Please, sah,' he grinned," ".would yo' len' me fo' five pennies ? De show was a comin' heah nex' week.' I started for him, and he jumped off the car. But that ain't no way to do business, letting people climb aboard a ear that way." 'I couldn't reason him out of it, and he went to sleep the maddest man in the State of Georgia. The little fellow had waited till the train stopped, and then sneaked in for the pennies."--Pitts- burgh Dispatch. Bound to Be Agreeable. Landlord--Well, what do you think of the house ? Fine neighborhood, eh ? Prospective Tenant--I dare say. But the rooms--look at the rooms! Why, I couldn't swing a cat around, if I wanted to. Landlord (cheerfully)--Oh, yes, you could! There is no objection to your swinging around as you please. I don't care about a little thing like that, and if necessary I'll provide the cats.--Phil­ adelphia Call. TREES were found in Africa which were computed to be 5,150 years old, and a cypress in Mexico is said to have reached a still greater age. The oldest tree, if not the oldest thing upon the globe, is the cypress of Santa Maria ilel Tule in the Mexican State of Voxaca. The life of this venerable forest mon­ arch has spanned the whole of written history. At last accounts it was still growing, and in 1851, when Humboltd saw it, it measured forty-two feet in diameter, 125 feet in circumfe^nce, and 382 feet between the extremities of two branches. WOULD you haye your songs endure f Build on the human heart. --Robert Browning. LIFE STUDIES. iliie Brown, in Chicago Ledger.1 IN the battle of life all have a chance to win the championship. THE devil can never be entirely crushed while the mule lives. IF a man don't say much he can soon get the name of knowing a heap. SMILES are not only the most becom­ ing of all adornments, but also the least expensive. VANDERBILT paid his oook $10,000 a year. His chaplain 1MS not yet been heard from. IT is said that Hawthorne never used an italicized word. Perhaps he never tried to put up a stove. AN Illinois man has been married seven times, and yet some folks contend that moral courage is on the wane. INGERSOLL says that to really know a fact is to know all about its kindred and its neighbors. If the facet is a female, Bob is right. THE first woman complained of hav­ ing nothing to wear, and her daughters have kept the same old story going from that day to this. Yoc might as well try to prove that the Queen of Sheba knew how to cook as undertake to convince some folks that there is still some wisdom afioat that they have not already gathered in. SOMEBODY wants to know why it is that gains in church membership are always greater in winter than in sum­ mer. Perhaps the fact that fish do not bite Avhen the mercury is flirting with zero may have something to do with it. IT comes about as natural for some folks to want the whole earth as it does for an Irishman to smoke a short pipe, but the boy who has just licked another fellow a year or two older than himself, feels that human glory has not entirely given him the go-by. SOMEBODY savs that a healthy infant, cooing in a cradle, is a sight that makes angels lean over the battlements of heaven and gaze longingly toward earth. The idea is poetic, but the cold facts in the case are that life is full of howling discord to the inexperienced father of colicky twins. He Didn't Drink. A nobby and snobbish milord of En­ glish extraction traveled from Big Horn on the stage coach. Milord was exces­ sively exclusive. He wouldn't be so­ cial, and spoke to no one except the two "John Henry" servants lie had with him, and was altogether as unpleasant as his snobbishness could make him. At a dinner station there were a lot of jolly cowboys on a lark, and one of them, "treating" everybody, asked the Englishman to drink. Of course, milord haughtily refused. The cowboy displayed a dangerous- looking six-shooter, and very impress­ ively insisted on his drinking. "But I cawn't, you know; I don't drink,'you know," was milord's reply. Mr. Cowboy broftght the muzzle in dangerous prox­ imity to the knot in which milord's brains were supposed to be hidden somewhere, and then he said he'd drink --he'd take soda-water, you know. "Soda-water nuthin', " said Mr. Cow- boy; "you'll take straight whisky." "But, aw, this American whisky, I cawn't swallow it, you know." "Well," said the cowboy, "111 make a hole in the side of your head so that we can pour it yi," ?nd he began to draw on milord, and milord said: "Aw, that'll do; IH drink it." The cowboy invited milord's servants to drink, which horrified him. "They don't drink, you know," he said. "Wedl, we'll see whether they do or not," said Mr. Cowboy. "The chances are you don't give 'em a 'hopportunity.' Come up-here, you fellows, and guzzle some." And the two John Henrys, with a little show of reluctance, but really glad to get a drink,' came up, and the cowl»oy passed a tumblerful of torchlight pro­ cession whisky, and the. servants poured for themselves. Then the cowboy made the John Henrys clink glasses with milord, and all clrank, and there was great fun. Milord tried after that to be very jolly, and the stimulant assisted him decided­ ly. But in the coach he fell back into his exclusiveness and retained it throughout.--Big Horn (Wyoming) Sentinel. Not Addicted to Slang. A Chicagoan visiting in Boston waxes indignant at the article regarding Chi­ cago girls, which appeared in an eastern •journal. The artiple charges that Chi­ cago girls are in the habit of using such expressions as "getting left," "rustle' round," "went back on him," "corraled her handkerchief," "in the swim," "made the riffle," and put in his best licks." 1 The article referred to was shown to her and she became exceedingly indig­ nant. observed: "That is a fish story. The fellow who wrote that is way off his base." "You think, then, that there is no truth in the assertion that Chicago girls are addicted to slang?" "Well, now, hold on. I don't mean exactly that. There may be some of them who sling slang, but I never work the I slang racket myself. I suppose some of the girls do use slang some­ times, but this child is not one of them --now you hear my bazoo!" "What is your opinion of Boston belles, compared to those of Chicago?" queried the scribe. "I think ^e can discount Boston on beauty, and as for accomplishments, why, that's where we hold a full hand. Take me, for example " "I should be most happy," said the reporter, gallantly. "Come off," she ejaculated, playfully. "Take me, for example; I can paw the ivory with the best of 'em. I can warble a few warbs, and I can elocute, too. No, sir, I can tell you, Boston girls have got to hustle to keep even with us, and it'•'very seldom I hear any of the girls use slang. Well, I must go and get ready for the matinee, so, over the river." --Chicago Rambler. The Indian Problem. Civilizing the red man is the only so­ lution to the Indian problem. It is the most philanthropic way out of the diffi­ culties into which we are constantly in­ volved with the aborigines, and though it may take years to bring about the desired result, there should be no abatement of the zeal of reformers who believe in placing the Indian on «a level with the white man. This may be be­ low his present standing, as he looks at it, liut we cannot help thdt. We are willing to give him all the rights we possess ourselves, and he should not ask more. It has been the dream of some statesmen that the Indians would gradually become extinct. This does not seem to be borne out by the facts, for we are informed upon the best au­ thority that they are steadily on the in­ crease. • MEDICAL men no longer bleed their patients with a lancet. PITH AHD A cow's horn--a milk punch. if THE best thing out--a big fire. ' -: A COMMON password--"the lratter, please." A MAN can always find his friends when they are broke." CAN the object of "a burning lore" be charged with arson ? SOME men take pleasure*in riding a horse, while others take pleasure in "straddling a blind. "--Maverick. FUNERAL exjratfses are so high in San Francisco that very few people die unless {weolutely compelled to.-- Maverick. . ' WOMAN was made after man, and still preserves the same order in conversa­ tion--she always has the last word.-- St. Paul Herald. THE wife of a Kansas mas has worn one bonnet twenty-two years ; but as she didn't wear it on her chin it is in pretty good condition yet. ~-Netcm an Independent. "WAS he killed in the discharge of his business?" asked a lawyer of a witness In the case of a policeman who was shot. "No, sir," replied the witness, "he was killed in the discharge of a gun in the hands of the prisoner."--Merchant Traveler. ' "DID you ever see anything likei this?" said a young lady to her e»seort,' at a church fair where raffling was in., progress. "Only once." "When was. that?" Well, I was on a Western train,* one time, when it was robbed."--ChiK cago Ledger. A A CHICAGO boy of 14 years recently; awav from home to become a pirate king. He was captured by a police­ man and returned to his parents. He didn't become that kind of a king, but after a brief interview with his father he was aching. "HE was mad, I suppose?" "That was no name for it. He was fairly foaming." "Then he did some rather tall swearing, I reckon." "Well, I should say so. He kept the recording angel on the keen jump for more than a half hour. "-4§Chicago Ledger. A CERTAIN patent medicine man ad­ vertises his pills as having been twenty- five years in use. It seems to us an in­ valid must have lost all self-respect that would consent to associate with a pill that had seen any such wear and tear as that.--Yonkers Gazette. PROF. BELL, of telephone fame, savs the time is coming when people will be able to see as well as hear one another at long distances. We fear this will not benefit the young man who wants to "see a man" between the acts of a theatrical"performance. He wants to be right along side of the "man" when he sees him. No long distance interview­ ing for the entr'acte fiend.--Norris~ town Herald: PROFESSOR (to bright student)-- "What is understood by the word acoustics?" B. S.--"It is the science of sounds." Prof.--"Verygood! Now,how is it divided?" B. S.--"As far as my experience goes sounds are more apt to be multiplied than divided." Prof.--• "No pleasantry, if you please. You un­ derstand that I refer to the divisions diacoustics and cataconstics. Now, what is the difference?" B. S.--"No difference, sir! cat acoustics are the most dire-'coustics known to the student of sound."--Yonkers Gazette. THE Norwegians are so honest that it is safe in that country to let an um­ brella stand out over night. They "hang their umbrellas on the limb of a tree by the roadside, and always find them when 1 wan ted." It is only a little different in this country. Here, if um­ brellas were to be hung on the limits of trees, they could always be found when wanted. That is, the tree could. The umbrellas, too, for that matter, if a man armed with a double-barrelled shot­ gun, a revolver, a sabre, etc., was to be employed to sit under the tree until the owners returned for their property.--• Norristoicn Herald. DEPARTED WORTH. On an Indian AQ#nt. Grand was the funeral pageant. He's gone where the virtuous go, For he was an Indian agent Who never had cobbed poor Lo. On a Butcher. With tears of grief our eyes are dimmed. Death came; he sought not to evade it. Good, honest man, he always trimmed The meat before he weighed it. On a Chiropodist. When trouble was afoot, and grief And pain the heart oppreat, To many a sole ho gave relief-- We trust his soul's at rest. On a Coal Dealer. He gave fall weight to all, 'tia Baid, Arid did it without vaunting j When in the balance he is weighed He will not be found wanting. On an Officer of a Society. A man of letters, it seems was he; The college made him an LUD., The Order a P. G. W. C. Grim Death has given him the G. B. And may his ushos R. L P. --Boston Courier. ;; -Si! r 'f% Enemies of the Telegraph In Brazil. The telegraph has many enemies to contend with in Brazil. The wires en­ counter not only natural decay, which is rapid in a tropical country, but with a sudden fall of temperature at sun­ down, which causes wires and insula­ tors to break by contraction. The lux­ urious vegetation cause, no end of trouble. Birds build their n^sts on the tops of the poles and ants on their sides while the skunks and armadilloes un­ dermine them and cause their sudden fall. The ant's nests have to be chopped off with axes when old and hard. Wasps build nests in the bell-shaped porcelain insulators, apes meddle with the wires, and enormous swarms of birds flying by night often wreck or tangle them. More mischievous than any of these is a huge spider that weaves its web between the wires and interferes with the electric currents. Add violent storms, which often prostrate the lines, and a pretty formidable catalogue is completed. Bmnan Remains In France. Archieological research has recently revealed in the neighborhood of Nantes the existence of a race-course of pre­ sumably Roman origin. The founda­ tions of the hippodrome occupy an area of about '223 by 174 meters. Further discovery has been made in the vicinity of an ancient roadway leading to the Loire, near the banks of which river traces of a number of villas prove the existance of a buried city, inasmuch as a theater capable of accommodating 4,000 persons has been, brought to the light of day. A quantity ofi. ornaments, jew­ els, and pottery has been recovered among the mins. Thus far the absence of coins has frustrated the endeavors of savants engaged in unearthing the rel­ ics to establish the epoch of this most recently-found city of the Roman occu­ pation. --London Times. THERE are in England over 300,000 cyclists, and the capital invested in man­ ufacturing bicycles and tricycles is $ 15,- 000,000, employing 8,000 persons. MEMOBY of the past is -the only para­ dise out of which we cannot be " driven.