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--^-e /X/' * " •; "v # 1 ,1 " ! - \" "*-> f"/ 7*"v"f' ^ 4 .'v^: ' vi*** •rrt'i Y* « ^ S'. f %'*** ,'^1' il"f.lt" ._X~'^'<' 'I,.* •' ^ */;'^"'5'w"s"^' • »,"*'?' ' -' *"*»-•• ->• i^14** •* s ^ . a? •»-*?•>«•'*» * * * - * < i )*' • v < _ -"^* <•- "t -^rr :.v ~7 **;> v'f % -^ ,7^ ^ V '».# K ,. , .<wyjt* -- -*/' " A ". w ' •%.*•' -> , - .. *«*.-•&»,„ [fWtcntt) l?Iarailc«ilci i. VAN SLYKE. EdSor and Publisher. McHENRY, ILLINOIS. - THE debt of France now equals $8,000,000,000. Clemenceau [maintains that it inijst be abolished, and its amount BIIOWS clearly it will bo abol­ ished, "because the French can neither pay principal nor interest." THERE are only four students this year in the school for agriculture and horticulture connected with Harvard College. The instructors are so numer­ ous thai there is one for each pupil, and a few left over even then. The in­ struction is given by lectures and recita­ tions and by practical exercises in the green-houses, fields and laboratories. GEN. SIGEL, the newly-appointed pension agent at New York, was visited by two Germans the other day who in­ sisted on receiving government pen­ sions. Being asked if they were vet­ erans. they said they were--they served tinder Von Moltke in the Franco-Ger­ man war. They asserted vehemently that he had the power, as pension agent, to give his fellow countrymen pensions. .. • ' • " AT Btsdapesth, Hungary, the Austrian Government has a model dairy school, where from ten thousand to fifteen thousand quarts of milk are daily manipulated. It has also opened an official wine cellar where fanners can store their vintages if of a salable quality; have it. prepared, classified and sold under the guarantee of the state seal, as of a certain quality, and at a propor­ tionate price. "I SEE it stated," says Mr. Labou- chere, "that while Englishmen drink five times as much tea as coffee, Ameri­ cans drink eight times as much coffee as tea. This in a great measure is due to the coffee that is sold in the United States being less adulterated than ours, To a certain extent it may also bo ac­ counted for by the fact tlfat Americans are richer than we are, for thpre are a good many more cups in a shilling's worth of tea than in a shilling's worth of coffee." . IN one of his letters to his lister, just, published, Benjamin Disraeli wrote, anent a party at Bulwer's: "I was in­ troduced, 'by particular desire,' to Mrs. Wyndham Lewis, a pretty little woman, a flirt, and a rattle; indeed, gifted with a volubility I should think unequaled, and of which I can convey no idea. She told me she 'liked silent, melancholy men.' I answered 'that I had no doubt of it.' " And yet in a few years Mrs. Lewis and Mr. Disraeli "were married and lived happily ever after," as the story books say. A 15ECENTLY-MARRIED electrician who lives near Sacramento, Cal., has de­ vised a scheme for protecting his wife from the annoyance of tramps. The vagrants invariably sought the kitchen via a rear stairway, so the electrician detached the four bottom steps from the others and attached a powerful battery to them. A wire from the bat­ tery rati into the kitchen, and when a tramp is seen approaching all that is necessary is to touch a spring at the proper moment, and the astonished , seeker after provender is thrown nearly over the back fence. A YOTNG woman of Oolumlms., Georgia, about to visit the generating station of the electric light company, was told to leave her watch at home, lest it be magnetized by the strong electric current. She did so. but com­ plained afterward that her watch would not keep good time. She sent it to a jeweler, but he reported that it was not magnetized and kept good time. Still, whenever she carried it her time was too slow, although when she left it in her room it ran correctly. A gentle­ man who knew of the circumstances gnggestod to the young lady that she wear another pair of corsets when next she carried the watch. She did so, and had no further trouble with the watch. The steel springs in her corset had been magnetized. THE term lady has so fallen into doubtful repute bv indiscriminate ap­ plication to all sorts of people, reputable and disreputable, of high and of low de­ gree, to the ignorant, the vulgar, and the coarse, as well as to their betters, that wc manifestly need a substitute for a word which has been dragged into such evil usage. Perhaps no better word can be found than the half obso­ lete term gentlewoman, about which lingers so dainty and thoroughbred a flavor. We have no other substantive in the language which expresses so per­ fectly the characteristics which were once comprehended by the title of lady, and the word, though somewhat long, is well adapted to ordinary* use, people already being familiar with the mascu­ line form. A RECENT writer in the Atlanta Con­ stitution tells this unique story of Tiger Tail, the Seminole chief: "A sewing machine agent drifted into his dominion one day and set up a machine in Tiger Tail's tent. The old chief, with great deliberation, watched him put it through its paces. /^ He then arose, brushed the agent tfc one side, and, seating himself, adjusted his feet in the treadle. He started the wheel and found that he could make it go. He sewed up one piece of cloth and down another, and then gravely jand critically examined his work. At last he ap­ peared to be satisfied that it was all right. He then turned quietly to iris wives, who had watched the proceed­ ings with interest, and kicked them one •Iter the other out of his tent." | IT is reported in court circles at St. b Petersburg that a formal separation will shortly take place between the Grand Duke and the Grand Duchess Serge, wliosa eighteen months' inarrie l life hap baen prolific in squabblings and misunderstandings. They would have been separated nearly a year ago if the Emperor and Empress had not then interfered to avert the scandal. The Grand Duchess is the second daughter of the Grand Duke of Hesse, and the Queen will be exceedingly wroth at this termination of her granddaughter's married life. The Princess Elizabeth of Hesse was so sick of the sordid dog-hole economies of Darmstadt that she resolved to niarrv a wealthy husband, and she refused two highly eligible German princes only because of the inadequacy of their means. One of tliem has since married the richest royal heireas in Europe. THESE sits in Congress (says the Baltimore Sun) a man who once ran against Grover Cleveland for the post of Sheriff of Erie County, New York, and, although beaten by him at the time, he filled his unexpired term and is now a memtar of Congress. The member is John B. Weber, of Buffalo. He is a small man. with a pleasant face, and quick, active step and manner. He is a Republican, but that does not pre­ vent him from being on good terms with President Cleveland. Soon after Mr. Welier came here this winter he called at the White House, and jokingly remarked to Mr. Cleveland: "You see I am following you. First von beat me for Sheriff: I fell into your shoes when you became Mayor. ." Look out: perhaps the same good luck may follow me now that I am here with you in Washington." The President gmiled and said: "I am watcliing vou, never fear." , A KENTUCKY farmer moving to Kan­ sas chartered a box-car, into which he put eight horses, with his two sons and a dog to look after them. The boys had comfortable quarters in one end of the car, and as there was plenty of room, the thrifty old farmer put in two bee-liives. As they were jolting along the bees got warmed up, and came out to inquire what it all meant. The re­ sponse of the boys and the dog was as lively as possible. All made for the door, the boys yelling to stop c the train ^tid fighting the bees with their hats. The dog was first out, yelping and howling, and the others came tumbling after. By the time the conductor got the train stopped, and help arrived, the bees were out in full force and furi­ ously mad. It was only after a pitched battle that the hives were removed aud the horses saved. Some of the bees got into tin* passenger coaches, where they made things lively and warm for the passengers, but after a hard fight they were vanquished. COT.. BOB INGERSOLL (says a writer in the New York Times) entertained two or three friends at Iris home on Fifth Avenue, and not unnaturally, perhaps, somebody drifted the conversation over toward religion, and one man was rather aggressive in his condemnation of all heresy. This prompted Col. In- gersoll to tell a story. "My views re­ garding religion are not generally un­ derstood,',' he said; "lam credited with a good many ideas that I have never en­ tertained. I ani very much like an old Indian of whom I have heard. An enter­ prising missionary with the tribe was bent upon the conversion of this par­ ticular savage. One day out on the plains the good man plied his subject vigorously, till finally the red man. pick­ ing up a stick, bent down aud drew a small circle. 'That's what Indian know,' he said. Then he drew a larger circle round the first, and. pointing to it, said: 'That's what white man know; but outside of that Indian know much as white man--know nothing.' The In­ dian's doctrine is my doctrine," ended the orator. School-girl Sentiment. The autograph books of half a dozen school girls being subjected to close in­ spection lately, the result was as folj lows: "Tf-nsez n.moi, ma (-here amir," occurred thirteen times; "Thine till death," twelve. One-third of the "sen­ timent" (either original or selected from the modern poets) touched lugubriously on death and the grave ; more than an­ other third discussed the worthlessness of life, the falsity of love, aud the treachery of friendships; and the re­ mainder were tinged with a profound" melancholy, which would lead us to suppose that the only hope of these blighted souls lay in dynamite, or any other fulminating agent. • which would most quickly remove them from the necessity of living. Now these girls are not orphans, nor inmates of an almshouse. The world has, 011 the whol*5, used them fairly. They are as well fed, well clothed, and healthy as any other young women of 15; as fond of picnics, new hats and caramels, and as ready for jolly fun or a hearty meal. But their sentiment is, not confined to their autograph books. Take them in full dress to a concert, or any place of public entertainment, and they are suddenly as transformed from their natural selves as Tom the soldier, stiff and dumb in helmet, belt and knapsack, is from Tom in his slippers and shirt­ sleeves. "Ah, how sweet!" "Simply perfect!" "That music is divine!" "That soprano is angelic!" So they cry in lisping falsetto ecsta- cies, totally different from the straight­ forward, downright tones they use at the breakfast table. Tone, smile, man­ ner are false and factitious. What is the matter, girls? Why, when you come before the public in any way, do you hide your downright plain selves, and put on this giggling, sim­ pering, vapid sentiment, which de­ ceives nobody? The young woman who falls into ec­ static raptures over a prettily-set scene on the stage, will come out into the sol­ emn grandeur of a starlit night, and remain blind and dtxmb. Wait to feel emotion before you ex­ press it, if you would not stamp your­ selves as silly and affected. Some day, when God proves your soul by pain, or when you stand by the grave of your mother, you will understand that grief and death and sorrow are not a species of spiritual bric-a-brac, to be treated with feeble sentiment.--Youth's Com­ panion. , ZOO AMI ZERO. winter Problems of Natural History. The superstitious dread of fresh air is, next to alcohol, about the most fruit­ ful single cause of disease, and the ex­ plosion of its fallacies has initiated re­ forms in all departments of sanitary science, froni the diagnosis of drawing- room complaints to the pathology of the diseases incident to the indoor life of our poor fellow-creatures--domestic animals and menagerie captives. Sani­ tary statistics show that lung diseases will develop in stuffy lior&e stables just as surely as in ill-ventilated parlors; nay, that even our winter guests from the tropics suffer more from foul air than from cold air, and the experience of Prof. Hagenheck, the Hamburg menagerie magnate, proves that a city like Chicago would be decidedly far enough south for the establishment of a first-class zoo. Herr Hagenl>eck is not a showman, but a wholesale pet-dealer. He has agencies in all parts of the accessible world, and l>oards his pets in a cdlonv of zoological stock-yards, of which the city of Hamburg is as proud as Chic&go of her Board of Trade. His winter buildings also coYer several acres of grormd, a^d in their hygienic arrange­ ments are as superior to an old- fashioned menagerie as a modern sani­ tarium is to a mediaeval lazaret. Every cage has an indoor and outdoor section, divided by a sort of trap-board, turning in top'hinges, and «s movable as the self-shutting front door of a city restau­ rant. A slight push will open the door for a moment, and the professor lias found that even his tropical 1 toarders seem to enjoy their out-door rambles in all sorts of weather, just as school­ girls left to the guidance of their in­ stincts w|U vie with their brothers in running a recess-romp in the snow. While the guests take their airings in the outside inclosure their bedrooms can be thoroughly cleaned, and the per­ centage of pulmonary disorders has thus been reduced to a minimum--in fact below the average of the teneriients sheltering the human live stock of our large cities. The managers of the Cin­ cinnati Zoo have had a similar ex­ perience. Their airiest stables proved to l»e healthiest even in what our lake- shore cities would call a severe winter. The hardiness of wild-born animals, North or South, seems, indeed, to have been strangely underrated. The camel, for instance, was formerly supposed to be the most exclusively tropical species of the ruminants, because it seems to find a congenial habitat in tlio burning sands of Araby and Nubia. Yet that same desert-dweller endures the winters of Central Asia, for there are wild camels in the Baetrian Mountains, where the mercury often sinks to the Fahrenheit zero. Tigers, too, have been shot in the upper valley of the Lena and other districts of the South Siberian highlands, and would prob­ ably survive a winter in the pine jungles of Southern Canada. Several species of monkeys are about as hardy as minks. There are three or four varieties of wataquex in Northern China, where frost has helped more than famine to propagate the pessimis tic doctrinei/of Buddhism. The African balloons, too, face cold weather with that sort of robust indifference wliich seems to result from an exuberance of health rather than of fur. One species, the geladas, or mane-baboons, inhabit the icy summit rocks of the Abyssinian Alps. They are frugivorous (though Barnum introduced them as "African lion-slayers"), but have their head­ quarters at the border of perennial snow, whence they descend in the first gloam­ ing of the morning twilight and, with circumspect eyes and cheek-pouches as ample as tha conscience of a Tammany alderman, invade the orchards of the valley dwellers, whom the dread of frost, rather than of fatigue, prevents from following the robbers to their stronghold. A few months ago a Chatham street pet-dealer imported a box full of voung ones, and found that the N ew York winter had no terrors for them. At night they would huddle together, after the manner of their tribe, but frolic about all day. undismayed by the alarms of the weather bureau or the polar waves of hydrant water when their cage was swashed out with a wet mop. In a litter of w heat straw pets of that sort could weather the Chicago climate almost the year round. Besides, monkeys will get used to clothes. I have a pet chacma baboon who has learned to appreciate the ad­ vantages of her winter ^lat, a sort of sleeveless frock, which she put.", on and off, sometimes adding a mantilla, in the form of an old gunny-bag. She used to be fond of hearth tires, too, but hav­ ing once got badly burned she now avoids the chimney corner, and even makes emphatic attempts to suppress preparations of my fire-lighting boy of ail work, preferring to shift with an extra sack coat if the mercury gets too far below freezing. A monkey's ward- j robe is hard to keep clean; after a day's | wear the original color of his liney be-' I comes as doubt ful as that of the Cesnola | antiques, and. like our Saxon fore- ! fathers, he objects to immersion, yet, J withal, keeps himself more scrupulously I free from vermin than any other mam­ mal. Two 'monkeys in the same cage will pass whole days in entomological ! researches on the mutual insurance i plan, and can be warranted to expur- I gate tlip shaggiest hound in half an ! hour, so that considerations of cleanli- j ness would be no objection to an ex­ periment of indoor life in the long winters of a high latitude. With a combination of basement fires, straw beds, and old coffee-sacks we could easily winter some forty species of quadrum- ana, including the Northern maca- gues, the Gibraltar monkey, the Afri­ can aud Arabian baboons, and several varieties of Mexican ring-tails. Direct ventilation* say .once in six hours, by opening all the windows and doors for a minute or two, would suffice to pre­ vent the development of pulmonary disease germs, for fresh air, instead of being the cause of such diseases, is in fact their most effective antidote ; and experience has shown that as a sani­ tarium for consumption a winter cam]) in the Northern Adirondacks beats the best winter-hotel in Southern Florida^ --Dr. Fcli.r L. Oxiraid. Preparing Fermented Milk. In the heart of a widely scattered town of Mt. Vernon, near the northern line of New York City, is a manufactory of kumyss, the popular tonic made of fermented milk. The physician who manufactures it is pleased to talk with visitors of his methods in the prepara­ tion of kumvss. and to show the stable where the herd is kept. He has twenty- three Holstein cows. Ho has excluded Aldcrneys, having demonstrating to his own satisfaction that this breed is not the l»est to supply milk for kumyss. Having a good herd lu- pays special at­ tention to their food and habits. Dur­ ing the day the cows occupy a large yard, and at night find sin Iter in a stable -that is kept scrupulously clean. The little picturesque house where the milk is fermented is close at hand. The cows are stall fed the year roundf^ which makes the milk more expensive, but it is uniform in quality. The fol­ lowing is the diet list: ^ Timothy and clover hay, nitrogenous food; Indian meal, frinaceous food; bran, glntinou* food; linseed and cotton seed meal, for free fat ; salt hay for chlorides; com meal, for phosphates; turnips, earrota and beets, as succulents. * This preparation of kumyss is sent all over the world. Garfield used it in his last illness; Edwin Booth, John Slier- man, and Secretary Lincoln are using it now as an iuvigorator and tonic. Homer, Virgil, and Marco Polo mentioned fer­ mented milk. The Russians have made it from time immemorial, using both mare's and cow's milk, according to the season; and among the nomads of both Russia and Tartary kumyss is the nour­ ishment of children, aud refreshment of the old and sick, and luxury df" all classes.--Xeir York Tribune. The Last Rally. "He will pass away before morning." So said the doctor to the nurse as ho passed out of the room down the stairs, perhaps having a bit of sadness in his heart--perhaps dismissing the matter from his mind as if the, death of a human beiug was of no consequence to him or the world at large. Perhaps it was not. Why should one be startled when an old soldier--a mqu of toilsome marches and many battles is about to pass away? He must die, like the rest of us. * The nurse was an old comrade. While the dying man beat the rally on his drum as Casey was hurled back at Fail- Oaks, the nurse swung his hat and shouted to the men hurrying to the rear: , "Come back, comrades--come back! Let us form a line here and beat them back!" When the drummer beat the advance on the right at Antietam, and Joe Hooker's front pushed Iwldlv in to meet Stonewall Jackson's men. the nurse was in the foremost 'rank, his teeth hard shut and his eyes blazing fire. " R-r-r-r-a-t--tat! tat!" sounded the drum in the streets of quaint old Fred­ ericksburg, and the nurse was there to face the terrible Stonewall and to be driven back bv the murderous tire, "Tat! tat! Tat! tat! R-r-r--tat! tat!" sounded the drnm at Gettysburg, as Pickett's Virginians massed on Han­ cock's front; the nurse was there to help stem that mad torrent of war and hurl the shattered legions back to the cover of ridge and wood. Shell and shot and bullet had passed them by, but now there was to l>e a battle with a grim and silent enemy. His forces were hidden in the darkness. There was no rattle of small arms--no roar of artillery--no shouts from lines of infantry or cheers from charging cavalry. The drummer awoke from his stupor and gazed around him. Something had warned him that a battle was immi­ nent. He looked it^Sto the eyes of his comrade and there was the same fire he had seen on a dozen battlefields. He felt the old excitement in his soul--the wild enthusiasm that comes from wav­ ing flags, tramping columns and crash of arms. He made a sign which was understood. The nurse took down from the shelf the same old drum, scarred by half a dozen bullets, and from the hooks the uniform which had not been worn for twenty long1 years. "Ah! comrade." whispered the drnm- mer, as strength came l»ck to liis limbs, "we may have l»een driven, but we never surrendered. We will not now! Let us form the lines as of old." "Ave! We will battle again!" cried the nurse, and he placet! a faded blue cap on his head, brought out the old musket from a corner, and continued: "Attention! Right dress! Steady, now, men! There's the battery before you! We will take it or leave our bodies in the meadow. Forward-- double-quick--hurrah!" R-r-r-r-rat! tat! tat! went the drum, and the old gray-lieaded drununei straightened himself up and made the sticks fly. "Forward, men--forward!" shouted the nurse as he waved his cap on high. "Tat! tat! R-r-r-r--tat! tat! tat!" sounded the drum, and the veteran who handled the sticks breathed as if the old enthusiasm of butt If was upon him again. % "Here we are--at them, men--the guns are ours!" shouted the nurse. "Hurrah! Hip, hip--r-r-r--tat! tat! R-r-r-r !" The drum fell to the floor, and the fingers loosened their clutch on the sticks. Then the old man's hand crept up to remove his cap, a cheer died away in his throat, and he sank to the floor a corpse. "We have been defeat id!" whispered the nurse as he looked down upon the dead, "but it was by the army of Death]" --M. Quad. Drafts Made by Society. "How much does it cost to keep in the swim of society here?" "Well," said the young man of whom I asked the question, "that depends. The men. especially the young ones, can keej) in on very little, for the bur­ den of entertaining falls on the unfor­ tunate with a household and a couple of pretty daughters. The first reipusite for a young man is membership in a club. If he wants to go further he can have a room at the Brunswick, or bachelor's apartments elsewhere. In that case it costs considerable for entertaining his 'set,' who drop in and out at all hours. But, with the exception of a bouquet now and then, that is as far as he need go. In fact, the expense can lie kept down to cab hire and bouquets if necessary. The married man with a daughter or two has to have an open purse, though. Each girl needs five ball and reception dresses a year at $200 apiece. His wife will give at least one ball aud, say, half a dozen teas. He can't get out of that at less than 92,000. His wife's dresses can l»e set down at another £1,000, while carriages, flowers, and suppers" will cat up what is left of $5,000. I am speaking now of people who are forced to keep their expenses down. Those in Avhat is called the leading set' here spend all the way from £25,000 to £75.000. I don't sup­ pose Mrs. Astor, Mrs. Lorillard, or Mrs. Goelet spend a penny less than £75,000 a year in society."--"Neiv Y&rk Cor. Fittsburq}) Dixpatch. The Microscope in Business. A member of the London Microscop­ ical Society has described a case illus­ trating the value of the microscope as a detective agent. Fraudulent additions were made to a l>ond. and the ink l>eing darker than the original the forger traced over the whole writing to give it a uniform shade. Under the micro­ scope the difference between the origi­ nal and the added portion was cleai I n­ discernible, and the forgery was- estab­ lished. HOTSHOT. t Thfr Hypocritical Pretersto o£ U» S^moaratic Party Laid iV [Extracts from the speech of CoagiMsmatt Bv- , rows oa the Edmunds resolutions.] If there bas been any one thing in the last fifteen years to which the Democratic party seemed more ardently attached thsn any other it "was reform in the civil service. In season aud ont of season, in public ml in private, by speech and platform, it has coveted every occasion to make solemn protestation of its devotion to this new-found object of its idolatry. Its enthusiasm at times would brook no restraint. Although reform and the Democratic party never hud any personal acquaintance until 1S7-J. I when they met for the first time in a Liberal j Republican convention, yet from that hourthere • spamp up ail attachment between them which : ha* been absolutely phenomenal. Some slight conception of the warmth of its devotion at that i time may be gathered from the following de­ votion presorved in its platform of 1872: I The civil service of the Government has be- i come a mere instrument of partisan tyranny I and personal ambition, and an object of selfish ! greet!. It is a scandal and reproach upon free institutions, and breeds a demoralization"cian- gerous to the perpetuity of republican pov em­ inent. We therefore regard a thorough reform of the civitservice as one of the most pressing necessities of the hour ; that honesty, capacity, and fidelity constitute the only valid claims "to public employment; that the offices of the Gov­ ernment cease to be a matter of arbitrary favor­ itism and patronage, and that public'station shall become again a p:>st of honor.--Democratic plat/m-m, July, 1N72, jinlt>niuri\ In 1S70 the Democratic party renewed its vows of fidelity with such earnestness as to banish all thought of the possibility of betrayal, in the following language. Reform is necessary in the civil service. Ex­ perience proves that efficient, economical con- dnct of the Governmental business is not pos­ sible if its civil service be subject to change at every election, be a prize fought for at tne ballot-box, IH> a brief reward for party zeal, in­ stead of i*>8ts of honor assicned for proved com­ petency, aud held for fidelity in the public em­ ploy ; that the dispensing of patronage should neither be a tax upon the time of all our public I men, nor the instrument of their ambition.-- Democratic jiltitform, St. l.t.uis, Mo., June 27. 187#. In 1880 its ardor had somewhat cooled, and was fast settling down into respectful consider­ ation, as the following declaration in its plat­ form discloses: "We pledge ourselves to a gen­ eral ami thorough reform of the civil service." In 1SSI six words, compressed into one curt sentence, measured its waning regard: "We favor honest civil-service reform." But if the pithlio mind had become distrust­ ful of the sincerity of the Democratic party in its professions touching reform in the civil ser­ vice. it was fully reassured by Mr. Cleveland in his letter of acceptance, in which ho said; "The selection and retention of subordinates in Gov­ ernment employment shall depend upon their ascertained fitness and the value of Their work. Public employment »ill be open to all who can demonstrate their fitness to cuter it." These are some of the piofessions with which the Democratic party came up to the campaign of 1884. and under which it was intrusted with national control. in view of thc»o utterances the people had a right to expect, and in many instances were un­ doubtedly deluded into the belief, that the Deiiioorutie party would in good faith redeem its promises in this regard. That, in the language of the Democratic platform, "honesty, capacity, and fidelity" would be the only valid claims to public employment, aud that, in the words of the President, "tlio selection and retentun of subordinates in Government employment would depend iti>on their ascertained fitness." Indeed, the Democratic party and its uouutieo for the Presidency were so completely committed to the doctrine of reform in the civil service that there was no escape from the execution of the law in this regard but uy public reuuncia- tion or secret evasion. The former step would have been commendable ill the highest degree ill contrast with that other course .which this ad­ ministration seems determined to pursue. To have failed to execute the law would have been bad faith ; to pretend to execute it while secret­ ly nullifying ft is not only bal faith but hypoc- n sy. On the 4th day of March, 1885, the President­ elect in his inaugural address declared that "the people demanded the application of business principles to public affairs," and that "civil ser­ vice reform should be in good faith enforced." While these high-sounding words were ringing in the public ear the Postmaster General is writing a "confidential" leitor to Democratic Congressmen "to get their cases ready." and lie thought "from 15 to '20 per cent, of foiirtli-class postmasters in Ohio might be removed within the next two months." This is the "application of business principles to public affairs." iLauj-'liter.] While the echo of these words was yet ringing in the public ear the Postmaster Oaneral quietly whistles to his side the whole uncounted pack of hungry office-seekers and sets them njton the track of honest officials with instructions to hunt them down nnd hold them at bay until the Postmaster General could take their official life This, Mr. Chairman, is reform in tlio civil service ! This is "doing busi­ ness behind g loss doors ." Tl io whole h is tory v t American i*»litics discloses no parallel to this. «It is no part of iny purpose, Mr. Chairman. to catalogue tie long list of removals or count the disreputable appoint­ ments whichlinike up the first year's record of this reform a I mini sti at ion. Every Congression­ al district bus its instances, and these are within the knowledge of the individual members of the House. I*>nly desire to summarize tli:' re­ sult of tne application of "business principles to mil die affairs," as exempli/ii d in the lY-stoltice Department dun tig the iirst twelve nxnths of its administration. The First Assistant Postmaster General, in his able annual report for the year eliding .1 urte :i0, at page '27, states the whole number of Presidential office' at that date was 2,2:51. and the whole mimlx r of fourth-class )'o<tolliies To these 2,2.">:t I'r"sid"ntiftl offices there were np]w>inted, between March 4, lss.">, and March 4, lHS(i, 1,(I7« Democratic Postmasters, or nearly one-half of the entire number were changed the first year. Of those 1,07S appointments, 7svi" were made neces­ sary by reason of death, resigna­ tion, or expiration of commission: 228 were appointed to 8U3ceed Postmasters sus­ pended, 7 in place of Postmasters removed for cause, and I tosuee.-ed a l oitmaster r.-moved --noarlv^OO suspensions and removals in twelve months in Presidential offices alone. Not con­ tent with 782 vacancies caused by death, resig­ nation, nnd expiration of commissions, the President supplements this record bv 2.K( sus­ pensions and removals--upon what gio.md tlio country is not yet advised. % But this does not furnish n fair illustration of the workings of reform in this department of the Government. The President and uui?o ibt- edly the Postmaster General have felt them­ selves somewhat hampered and embarrassed by that piovision ff the Constitution which makes it necessary in these matters to take the «d\ice nnd obtain the consent of the I'nited tat' 8 Rename. Such a re<«uir« r.iout glw s undue ublioity to offcial conduct and destroys that 'reedomof action which is f« tiud in fourth-ohiss •ftlc<S, where the will of the Postmaster Gen­ eral is supreme. t In resi«.)iise ta the request of the Senate re­ cently directed to the l o3t!i:ast r Gi u :al call­ ing upon him to state the number of removals in fourth-class offices between March 4, ISS.i, and Marjli 4, ISSli, he states the v.hole number of removals between those dates to have been S.eS.'I. This does not include appointnn nts to vacancies, but all these were lemovuls osten­ sibly for cause. Ada to this the Presidential re­ moval during the year and we find the tot^l -removals of i>ostmasters to be H.'j.'ii in twelve months. This is over 744 a mouth, every working day, 4 i n hour, or 1 every fitteeu min­ utes. This is conducting the affairs of the Post- office Department on -busin -ss principles." Tho foregoing exhibit in a sii.gle brunch of the Postoffice - Department furnishes a fair illustra­ tion of the practical workings of the civil-service law, us interpreted by tho Postmaster General. What is true of this department is undoubt­ edly tme of all. Indeed, as early as June, 1885, the country wtw advised by Mr. Higgins, when hungry Democrats were complaining of the delay in furnishing them with the means of subsistence, that tliero had already been be­ tween three and four thousand changes. "There are," he said, "about eighty-five internal reve­ nue collectors, and ftftv-two of them are now Democrats. Each has under him fifty to one hundred employes, aud all these are being con­ stantly changed, f-o you will perceive that you can soon eouiit up to the thousands. It is'the same with the customs officers and the post- offices." Tlii-t declaration was made within ninety davs after this administration came into power. This i* upon authority of Mr. Higgins, and what he does not know about "reform" is scarcely worth acquiring. But the most ludicrous feature in this whole reform busin 'ss is tne constaut boasting of the Democratic party that it has brought tho Gov­ ernment back to the practices of the fatbei s, and that in the applicati< n of its reform views to governmental atfnirs it is reproducing tho halvcon days of Jeffersonian simple itv and Jacksoniaii honest .'. One is at a loss to know which most to admire in this assumption, its novelty or its audacity. Let us read a page of the nation's historv#n the days of the fathers touching the question of removals in the civil service. Washington in eight years rnno.eil only nine, all for came. John Adams in four yeais removed nine, and, he stated, none lor politic al reasons. Jefferson in eight years removed th rtv-niiie; none for party ourposes. Maoison in eight, years .removed five*. Monroe in e.ght years removed nine. John Quincy Adams in four years removed two. The first six Presidents holding the Presidential i office for forty years removed only seventv- J three office-holders. Seventy-three removals in forty years! Why, sir, the Pcstoflice Depart- j ment alone lias mude more remo als than that •: i n f o r t y m i n u t e s i l a u u h t e r , d e j n p i t a t e s i m r > i than that before l.ronkfast as a mere appetizer. J And yet the Democratic i arty has tiie iinp>u- ' deuce to lojk the American people in the fac ' and declare without blushiug that it has le- i turned to the practices of the fathers. j I^et us have done with this farce of reform, j The people are sickening of it. It was quite an i attraction In the beginning, but it has ceased to draw, and you had better ring down the curtain and put out tho lights if you would Save the performance or the j performers frrm public ridicule and contempt. Take it from the boards, or it will bo hissed off by a disgusted public. And here let mo :5av that the crowning infamy in this whole busniess of reform ties in the dis­ honorable methods employed to secure the re­ moval ot honest, capable officials. If you would say to a Republican : "I want this office becauae you are a Republican, and I want it for a Demo­ crat because he is a Democrat," that would be honorable and manly. But you say : "We cannot.do that, for we are committed to the doctrine that removals shall not be made for partisan reasons, and that hon­ esty. eapacitv. and fidelity shall constitute the only valid claims to public emplovm.'nt. We must seeui to keep th is promise to the publ ic i f we bhiekfct the good name of every licpiihhciiii official inflthe land." Aud so you permit, nay, not onlv i^rinit. but invite, charges to be made. against faithful and upright public ser­ vants u]H>n which they are removed, and thereupon you j.ive out that they are removed or sus) ended for cause. But when the sus- speuded official or his frit nils ask to be advised of the nature of these charges, then this reform administration replies, -That is a sealed vol­ ume, and you can not be permitted to open it." I am not all tiding now to the controversy going on in the other end of the ("itpitol. I have in mind an im-t nice within my own knowledge. Two Govt rnmeut officials in my own city, of unquestioned integrity and unimpeachable character in public and private life, were re­ moved from office, aud when I demanded of the head of the department to be advised of the nature of the charges preferred against them. I was informed that I could neither have a copy of the charges nor be informed of their sub­ stance. These charges against those men are only harmless because no imputation can possi­ bly destroy public confidence in their official or private character. In this refusal to disclose the nature of these changes lies the infamy of this whole business. Men of the highest character in public and private life, against whose fair names the breath of suspicion even has never come,'are turned out of office and branded with some crime which they are. not permitted to know, and can not, therefore. di:-prove; and these charges, unknown and unanswered, unanswered because unkown, * pass mto the permanent archives of this nation to remain so long as the Government shall stand. This, I repeat, is the crowning infamy of this whole business, and ought and will consign any party that approves it to deserved retirement. . But I am suspicious the Democratic party has deluded itself into the belief that such a course will lead to great patty advantage and con­ tribute to its future success. You argue that this methed is a three-fold victory; first, you say, we get the Republican official out and a Democrat in, which is of prime consequence; second, by withholding all knowledge of the grounds upon which removals are made we will keep from the people the real cause, which is purely a ]Hilitical one, and continue the decep­ tion that wo are reformers ; and; third, by deny­ ing to removed officials the right to know and answer the charges made against them the sus­ picion will obtain that they are removed for some malfeasance in office, and in the approach­ ing cami*aign we have but to point to the long list of removals for convincing proof of official cOrruptiou. If this is your reasoning, let me say to you that you are making a fearful mistake. If you would remove the Republican official, saying to him, "It is not because you have not been a faithful aud honest public servant, but solely because you are not in accord with the Demo­ cratic party," there is not a Republican official in the land who would not gracefully surrender and accept the situation. Ho would probably continue a Republican froin^conviction. but the simple loss of his office would not spur him to unusual zeal. But when you remove him upon some seciet charge, emanating from some secret, unknown source, which he is not permitted to know or answer, reflecting upon his public or private character, he not onlv continues to be a Republican, but ho becomes your active, impla­ cable foe. The office was of little value to him, but his good name is a priceless legacy, cherished above all else, which he hoped to be­ queath untarnished to his children. That is but a common sentiment. "Who steals my purse steals trash; * • ^ llut he that fiiches from me my good n&UM • Hobs mo of that which not enriches him And makes me poor indeed." You, for party ends, are wantonly placing ft stain u])on thousands of good names, and be as­ sured tliev will not rest inactive under the foul asporsion. Nay, more, their kinsmen and their friends will make common warfare with them. Honorable men of all parties will espouse their cause, and this Democratic refonn administra­ tion will answer for its vilification of worthy citizens at the bar of public opinion, where it will receive swift aud merited condemnation. Pnlling Sloper's Tootli. It was a nice tooth once, young and in­ nocent, just like I was. We played togeth­ er in childhood, nnd I divided gingercukes and candy villi it. It was like "Mary's little ltuub," And everywhere that .Tack went That tooth was sure to go. Why. I even took it along when I went to nee my sweethearts, and it could listen to all the pretty talk, and when they laid their faces against mine, at different times, of course that tooth could realize that two souls were thinking about the same thiug, and two heart* were heating as one. Thiougli sunshine and storm, through heat and cold, I stood square up for that tooth, and H'ive it sugar, aud molasses candy, and tally, and butter-scotch, aud everything else it sighed for, aud Nu'ir did a wave of trouble roll Around its jieaeeful jole. Hut. in the oft-quoted words beloved by Abraham Lincoln. "Ob, why 'should' the spirit of mortal lie proud?" I had hoped that that tooth, like "Me and -lack," would "clam everyihing," and go arm-in-arm to­ gether down the path of life. I had hoped that they would lay us in tho same coffin, and we would be drawn by the same hearse -- alas! it was dwirn by a pair of forceps-- and together wu would sweetly sleep in the same grave. Kind render, it was not to be. I awoke one morning to find that tooth just a whoop­ ing me up with a maddening ache of the nerve. Aft»r the use of several patent per­ suaders from tho drug store I pacified it. and proceeding to the dentist I hud it tilled where a cavity had suddenly appeared of lesser magnitude than1 the Mammoth Cave. Aft r that the tooth only ached when re­ quested to do its duty in masticating food; then let it only be touched with even a mor­ sel of bread, and Jupiter! how exceedingly fine the mills of the gods liegan to grind in that tooth. Last week 1 accidentally crush­ ed a bit of render, imioct nt stewed lamb with peas between that tooth and the nether millstone, and the next instant I gave a yell that rose above the din of orders by the sable waiters. "Vou sou-of-a-gtin! What's the matter?" exclaimed my elbow neighbor, whose coffee I upset. "My dear fellow," said I, "you have never been a mother, or you couldn't talk to me that way." "Blast your hide, what's the matter with you?*' he again shouted, as he threw the remnant of the coffee into nt.v face. When I got through explaining what was the matter the chap was under the table and the proprietor was ejecting me from the dining saloon. To the dentist's I then repaired. Seated in the chair of torture, he applied the for­ ceps aud gave a pull, aud, well. I floored him. His assistant came rushing iu, and we three went at it after the Marquis of Stump-puller's rules. Alternately they floored me, and I brought tliem around groggy on their pins. At last the assistant said: "Why don't yon give him gas?" "Gas!" I exclaimed; "why, certainly; "why didn't we think of that?" Then I inhaled gas, and iu sweefc uncon­ sciousness I laid back while they gave that wicked tooth its just deserts.i--Joel Sloper, in Chicago Ledger. 'Squire Hobhs* Filosofy. DESPARE am de gatewa tu insanity. DE lier am a twin bnidder ob de theaf. FlLOSOT'Y ani de kee tu Natur's privat lybrary. simpathy am de motiv powr ob sibilizashun. IT am a lamnientibel fac' dat nun hat de good boyz ebber dy. IT nebcr paz tu be 2 greedy. De big or- ranj de sweetes*. . VISE am nn illejifermate chile ob sosiety, an' disipashun am its fodder. IXTKLI K:I::>'S am de. fodder of ability, an" morrallity am tie mudder ob jnstis. Er yon act a little man, doan' bo discur- rajed. De dog am milier dan de steer. A BAWKY mule ma be lazy, but it am al- waz bes' tu keep on de off sid ob de kickin'. part. DE fassest hoss doan' always win de rnse; likewiz de bee' man doan' alwaz git de oftiis. D:: different atwe^ne a dood an' a munky am tlat a dood haz a kano as' a munky baa a tale. IT am A pecnleyer fac dat de lazy am mos' always do won wot firs* kotches rabbet. ILLINOIS STATE NEWS. --Flunk Shaw, of Milton, killed forty. \- fire snakes on his way home to dinner. --Dcgs in a single night killed aaj maimed $500 worth of sheep belonging to -v; Alva H. James, near Fanner City. --The residents of LaHarpe settled their choice of postmaster toy a vote. cessful candidate was J. C. Colson. t | MI ' fy'Jt: --The Grand Jtirv ^of^Champaign County %as indicted a wealthy fanner for stealing; irom a store a ten-cent husking peg. --William Cornwell, Justice ofthe Peaee and a leading citizen at Maroa, dropped dead on the street fromiieart disease. ^ --Rev. L. A Powell, pastor of the Metb~ . odist Episcopal Choreh at Waynesviltit, has given np his work on account of failing health. * --A light form of scarlet fever has been epidemic in Decatur. The physicians had forty cases under their care witliin thrim weeks. --The horse of Willis Reynolds, a fandSi - er near Clinton, ran away while his foot was entnngied in the stirrup, fatally injur­ ing hira. * -s --Two men at .Clinton stole a nulnĵ *' ticket at the depot' for Waverlv, Ohio, utd have been given two years to work ont the price in the penitentiary. --Anxiety has been caused there by tha development of a bad and fatal case of < smallpox at Staley Station, just 2 Champaign. ; --The Kev. Mason Grosvenor, one of flie " founders of the Illinois College, died re­ cently at Jacksonville, at the advanced ago of eighty-five years. ^ --Samuel Pate and Henry Klein Baton* soap-box in front of a Tolono grocery,whit­ tling. Pate's hat blew off, and in throwing up his hand to catch it, he stuck his knife- blade intd Klein's eye, destroying its sight. --There having been complaints about tbe unsafe condition of the coal-mine at Xiao- tic, the State Inspector, who visited the mine, condemned one-half of it, and , men wove not allowed to work iafiKt s |̂* tion. • . • --Many prominent workers from various parts of the State were present at the Woman's Christian Temperance Union re­ cently held nt Clinton, and the convention « was characterized by much earnestness and enthusiasm. ;4 . --The failure of N. & Dyer, the extensflr nnd well-known dry- goods merchant, is said to be the largest and most disastrous that has taken place in Joliet for a number of years. The American Tea Store, of Baiiio place, has been closed by the Sheriff. --When the passenger train on the In­ dianapolis. Decatur & Springfield frctit Indianapolis arrived in Decatur the othir day Mrs. H. C. Gaznl, of Beverly, «M found dead in her chair. She was on her way to Blue Monnd, to visit her daughter. --Two young men of Hoopestown went over the line into Iroquois County and fought a duel wifh fists about a girl with whom both were in love. While they were • absent the girl took the opportunity to get married to a peaceable little shoe-store clerk. . > --'JThe students of Carthage College residents of the city held a surprise recejj^. tion at the residence of E. F. Bartholomew, President of the Carthage College, and presented him with a fine gold watch chain in token of their appreciation of his labors in behalf of Carthage College. ^ --A youth living near Champaign ptlt oa " his father's summer pantaloons and went to '1 a dance. A colony of wasps which had lo­ cated in the. long-unused garment became aroused by the heat of the ball-room, aad in the midst of the first dance sent the luck­ less youth plunging out.ioto the quiet siair^ light. 7 ;. --The sanitary survey of the city of Quincy, made by Dr. E. B. Montgomeiy, has been received by the State Board of Health. It is an exhaustive report in ei- • ervthing that pertains to life in that ciljf, aud contains accurate mortality statistics ' • for the last eleven years--a longer period than can be obtained in any other city fat the State except Chicago. ^ --While cutting up a head of cabbage- Mrs. William Burgess, of Mattoon, found* worm two feet long squirming in the folds of the leaves. It was transparent, flat, Imd a well-defined head and tail, and under 'i^ ' magnifying glass segments were detected^ f - It was nl>out the size of a three-ply fi|| • thread. It died in about one hour#aftW being discovered. i - --A party of Quincy gentlemen went dnt|| hunting. Before they left. home they in­ vited some friends to their camp to feast on ducks. The hunters found nothing to shoot at except owls. In desperation they bagged some fat owls, broiled them, and served ' i them up to their friends as pheasants. Sear* , ' ' eral of the credulous feasters are now 91 from the effects of broiled owl. --A voting man went to the State's Attor­ ney at Urbana and s lid that he wanted to plead guilt}- to an indictment. The State's Attorney searched for the paper in question, and found that it had no existence. The young man was dismissed vi'li instructions to call again in a few days, when an indict­ ment would be prepared to suit his case. --An old frame building in Danville, which was built as a storehouse by Gurdtfte S. Hubbard iu 1827, and which was the tint ftnioture erected by a white man in Vef*^ . million County, is about to be torn dowJI'Hr^ For some years it was the headquarters for * the In liau fur trade for many miles around* William Brady, still living in Danville, wtf one of Col. Hubbard's clerics. i ' • i'j --A young farmer of Malta, while OA hja »:f way to Sycamore with ?">0> in his pockefc ^, most of which he proposed to pay as re*fc - V . : . on the faim he o.eupie-, wa- robbed of Ljlt money by two men. The farmer aroustgA the aitthoiitits. and a fruitless search wa»tJ ^ made for the lolbers. It is now su-peeled'; that he was noMobbed at all, an 1 he hai;' been locked up oa & charge of defiauuiqg. ,iV, , s. k's creditors. --Tte Western Paper-Bag Faetoay, afe ; ;Hr Batavia, owned by the Van Nortwicks, haft /t, been entirely ('est oyt d by lire. The loai is <: stiinated at £7.},C!0P. on which there ifc an insurance of about The factory . was running to. its .fullest capacity. ac«| employed sixty hand*. Mr. Charles \\ est, foreman of the Yau Xortwie'.c Paper pauy, vr;B Siriously injured 1> - a stoneftoui ; J ^ • ' • the brralbg bnildicg striking fete baud.