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y* " ';l.y * tT *||"", ,*|ppf| , ' * f C - « • < ' ' , ; . ' - \ * W % . • w ~ f i y * * * > ? * < $ » . . * | j . % ' - V ? j , : W 2 f c ? $ r ; ; . v ; f J f * t * / / " ' ^ fat HIGH »TAT cow. 5Th» hue ©f ber bUlo *a» dunk? brown, • ^ Her body tu lean and law nfjgfc «h «Um. .one horn turned up and tho otl.cr turned down, „ , :' HN «M keen of viaion and iong of limb; With a Roman nom and * fhort stump ta 1, -"^ " •And ribs liko the boop.t of a ho:ne-made pail. |T<v Many a mirk .ill her i>o ;v bear; >-/ Ito ba<J been a targ t for ail things known; ; •?-> Oninan? n scar tho dusky hair ' ^ ii , >*«wl<t grow no mere wuoro it onw had grow*; g*> v r Many a passionate parting shot r ; *• j^-Bad left on her a lasting spo . Many and many a well-aimed stone, I'" :, Many a brickbat of poodlv size, . * !,;• {r .And many a cudgel swiftly thrown k' Li, ? Hid brought the tears to her loving MM, Or had bounded off fr m her bony back 1' !. *'. -With a noise like tho sound of a rifle crack. | \ , if any a day had sho passed in the pound For helping herself to her neighbor's corn; ¥-' :j If any a cowardly enr nnd hound HM been transfixed on her crumpled bora; ,^tn|^a teapot and old tiu pail e farmer-boys tiod to her time-worn tail. 1'4\ •'•'.S^'^'/^bld Deacon Gray was a very good old mam, ® . Though sometimes tempted to be profane .»T;.- 'j, When many a weary mile ho ran * £ , To drive her out of the growing grain'; » . i ' .Sharp were the pranks she used to plat i .• *' TTo get her fill and to get away. * {- fPw '• •"• t >Jf}be knew when tlifl deacon went to town; / She wiseiy watched him when he went by; - fie never pasaed her without a frown {. . And an angry gleam in each tvnqrv eye; f• -"fie would crack his whip in a surlv wear#' .< <[• And drive along in his "one-boss shay* • J'S- fhen at his homestead She loved to catjf* ' ; *, 4'.':,; Lifting his bars with crumpled horn,. •riv' f^imbly scaling his garden wall, f '• Helping herself to his standing corn, | . bating his cabbases ono by on?. V flurrying home when her work was done, ^ r.v, -> human passions were quick to rise, ,' • - >v ' And striding forth with a savage cry, •Vt ith fury blazing from both his eyes, ,, " W ' . •* As lightnings flash from the suiiimeif Skft. •> ^-Jtedder and redder his face would grow, ' •, ivjS > And after the creature he would go. i£ ... ,-t)ver the garden, round and round, i ; f Breaking his pear and apple trees, ^trampling his melons into the ground, :j\ . Overturning his hives of bees, ' Cieaving him angry and badly stung, " Wishing the old cow's neck was wrung . i . f he mosses grew on the garden wall, . ; The years went by with their work and play, T- . - iThe boys in tho village grew strong and tall, * ' An J the gi ay-haired (armeis pasaed away, . • One by one as the red leaves fall-- But the highway cow outlived them all. •A CHRONICLE OF SMALL-POX F CREEK. "Ipray you, in jyour letters, When you shall these unlucky deeds relate, * 'fe £.f • - g.'; Speak of me as I am; nothing exterminate, Nor set down aught in malice. * In the Curd and Whey Sanatarium, situ- ated upon the romantic shore of the wildly rushing Small-Pox Creek, under the super- J^ision of the Quidnuncs, Unquenchable, Anatomical. Cicatrizing, Clinical Society, •were collected specimens of damaged hu- tnanity, whom the eloquence of men and angels would have failed to describe. Interesting invalids afflicted iu imagina­ tion with every disorder familiar to the medical profession, having tested in vain the virtues of all knoirn patent remedies, flocked hither with a zeal rivaling the % Athenians of old. to sacrifice at the altar of the unktwirn deity, " Curil and Whey." Dr. Hackemnp. the suave and indefati­ gable President of the Institution, (as silso <of the Q. U. A. C. K. S.>, was here, there and everywhere. Or as his wife expressed it, "He was simply amphrt>ions." "Indeed," continued this worthy lady,, *lf we were in more affable circumstances, I should insist upon his confining himself to revising his patieuts. Such devotion to business and disregard of health, are but lubricating the adage. 'Pen up the wise and pound the foolish." If it were not for the Cord and Whey Bitters. I really believe he •would evaporate." And Curd and Whey It may have been, which had tinted the Doctor's nasal organ , like the dying orb of day, and had imparted a somewhat unsteady character to the natural statelineas of his mien, but low be it spoken, could the little black bottle repos­ ing so meekly in his desk, or resting so in- ' nocently against his heart, have been inter­ viewed, it might have told a different tale. The inmates of the Sanatarium holding gossip in lofty scorn, the institution was as notably exempt from even a suspicion of that high bred propensity, as the average city boarding house. Still when it became apparent that Mr. Duckett Slasher, accord - ' ing to Mrs. Hackemnp, "the most legible man in the house." was devoting himself to Miss Tabitha Katerina Sniggers, it must be admitted that the -Card, and Whey consumers, ceased for a brief space their absorbing occupation, to give employment to that inaigniticsirit member, which since the days of the apostles, has been cele­ brated for its activity in kindling a great tire from a small matter. Mr. Slasher, who always referred to himself as "Duckett!" secretly inclined to the belief that he closely resembled the "great duke" of ' Wellington. A conclusion deduced per­ haps by the contemplation of his vast pre­ ponderance of nose, which through the injudicious indulgence of certain warlike proclivities, engendered in his naturally peaceful breast by the aforesaid resem­ blance. had become located principally upon his left cheek. One fang-like tooth graced his cavernous mouth; but if that lonely molar was as deep rooted as his pride therein, it could laugh to scorn the feeble attempts of those modern inventions, cast-irob padtry and rubber steak, to dis­ lodge it. Every one honored with Mr. Slasher's . intimate acquaintance, was requested to prove the strength of that tooth; and it was remarked as an evidence of his devotion to Miss Sniggers, that sh« had been observed testing its staying qualities, thrice in a single evening. L») " Miss Sniggers was not an ordinary young }£• lady, by any means. One glance into her S' j' *' sharp, black eyes would have convinced the Ipf« most skeptical that though her age might be uncertain, her temper was a fixed fact; and that defenseless man might, with more , safety, attempt to curb Leviathan in his > wrath, than to awaken the ire of this v' skinny midget. f ' * • B e i n g f r u g a l l y i n c l i n e d , s h e c o n t r i v e d t o make lx>th ends of a very small income not * f; -only meet, but also tie comfortably. For fit4^ * economy's sake, she washed her clothes in W'»'. her room, pressing them while still damp ?«£? -» between her matresses. Which, while it 5r. jmight have been denominated "a way that - • «u dark," could scarcely hare been termed «*. trick that was vain," since she thereby «M»ped a laundry bill. sanatarium fare consisting of an , • ' abundance of Curd and Whey in every shape and form, but very little else, she made a '"f^Jpoint of taking care of Ao. 1, in rather a *,/> V'lnniqee map«®r; denuding her favorite f vjfDTn breixf °f ,to entire crust without scru- Tlr^r*"1 versa transfering the tooth- _ Setaterior of every pie within her reach Itober own plate, leaving the leathery crast less fastidious or less enterprising in- fividuals. When requested to pass any dainty in her, vicinity, she invariably, to the dismay of the applicant, answered with much acerbity, "Let me help myself first," suiting the action to the word. Mr. Slasher was not dismayed by these peculiarities. On the contrary in the in­ tervals of imbibing Whey (?) he undaunt­ edly laid siege to her heart; confident doubt­ less of his ability to play the part of Pe- truchio to this modern Katharine. Making lowing questions in the negative: "Do you milk your own cow? Do yon fool with a fiddle? Do you have a lot of preachers hanging around?" He had also dedicated a lovely original poem to Tabitha Katerina, commencing thus: "Tabitha when 1 leave thy bower Igsl; ^ I do not know one happy hour; v i?; : ! • And all the Whey I drink tnrns •otrtWI*' On my Btoniach." . And continuing in the same strain through forty stanzas. Mrs. Hackemup declared this to be writ­ ten with a "quill plucked from the wing of tue blind god. Cupidity." Pronouncing it in her opinion "superior to any of Tenny­ son's 'Idols of the King,' and equivocal to a formal defamation." Having been made the recipient of these tender conlideucps, Miss Sniggers naturally considered herself admitted into the inner­ most shrine of his heart, and awaited im­ patiently the formal invitation, to bike Eossessioa of what she already regarded er own. At this juncture, when matters were, so to speak, in a pleasing state ot expectancy, one of those dangerous creatures, a widow, appeared upon the scene, like Ca>sarof old, and Mr. Duckett Slasher \ras one of her first victims. The facility with which this gentleman transferred his allegiance from maid to widow might be considered marvelous by the superficial observer, as the two ladies were the opposites of each other, physically and mentally. Miss Sniggers, as has been intimated, being somewhat Lilliputian, while Mrs. Hunkins, Leviathan-like, tip­ ping the scales at four, hundred pounds, irresistibly suggested the line: "Thinner slie might have been and yet scarce lose." Truly had Paris been compelled to award the golden apple to either, reduced to im­ becility by the effort of decision, he could never have captivated fair Helen's roving fancy, and the Trojan war would not have furnished the poets of old a theme upon which to string their immortal verses. Apart, however, from the natural fickle­ ness of a dashing man, beyond the magic power a widow is copceded to wield, lay the secret. The evehing of Mrs. Hunkins' arrival, Mr. Slasher chanced to overhear her asth­ matic voice cont\de to the hostess: "My dear departed Darius Napoleon, (Poly for short ), left me rolling in wealth, but what avails it me while I am rolling in fat? I have come hither, dear Mrs. Hacke­ mnp, to bant "Is it possible?" replied the lady ad­ dressed, '•/)? nut* or bust won est nnder- Mtanding, give me a good shankhigh or a domino, and you can have all the bantams you please. What are you snickering at?" sharply to a waiter who appeared at the moment, with a tray of the inevitable Whey. "It is a good thing we are promised civil servant's reform. The sooner the better / My dear Mrs. Hunkins I am delighted at your arrival. I am confident you will prove a great accusation to our society." So saying, she departed, and Mr. Siasher adroitly slipped into her chair, where mak­ ing hideous facts in the effort to look sentimental, he remained until the com­ pany broke up, pnssing his lately adored Tabitha Katerina with a nonchalant bow. As time passed on, the devotion mani­ fested by Mr. Slasher towards Mrs. Hun­ kins was only equaled by his chilling in­ difference toward Miss Sniggers; who, while exhibiting superhuman mildness out­ wardly, felt in every pulsation of her scorned heart, that fury which as gently intimated by the poet, rises far superior to the genuine article fresh from Sheol, and is ant to make the person toward whom it is directed, exceedingly uncomfortable. Mrs. Hackemflp regarded the slighted one as a martyr. "I confess, Tabitha Katerina," said she, "your strength of mind amazes me. What a beautiful dispensary of Providence, that the female sect when tossed by the wind of adversity always storm before they bend. If I had been deserted by such a Polly Belva deary as Mr. Slasher, I should like Clopatra snicideate with an aspect." Miss Sniggers sighed meekly* but a ma­ lignant glance in the direction of Mr. Slasher and his substantial inamorita con­ tradicted the expressions of goodwill she proceeded to utter. To effect the solidity of Mrs. Hunkins' charms, she possessed a piquant habit of falling into a spasm with­ out premonitory symptoms, recovering from the same apparently uninjured. At such times she invariably grasped the nearest object, clinging to the same "closer than a brother," until her convulsions ceased. Miss Sniggers would have been more than mortal, had she not exulted over her rival's discomfiture, but to her chagrin, Mr. Slasher's devotion rose triumphant to this ordeal. The lovers, absorbed in each other, and absorbing Curd and Whey, lived an ideal life. One sultry afternoon! the inmates of the Sanatarium sought the shelter of the large oaks which graced the lawn. Mrs. Hun­ kins and Mr. Slasher were seated on a rustic bench engaged in animated conver­ sation. At length Mr. Slasher ceased to speak, opened wide his mouth, pointing eagerly therein. Mrs. Hunkins lenning forward gracefully, mincingly grasped the tooth, which was now on exhibition for her express benefit. In the twinkling of an eye as she did so, "a change came o'er the spirit of her dream." She was seized with a fit. Writh­ ing in agony, Mr. Slasher in vain attempted to break away. No patent forceps on earth could have held more firmly, than the fat fingers of his lady love. Shaking the little man until he resembled a jumping-jack attempting a clog dance, while his tooth­ less jaws rattled and countless stars danced before his protruding eyes, the enterprising widow held on like grim death, until the tooth, the last of the Mohicans," yielded to strain, and the unfortunate whiiom pos­ sessor, flat on the green sward lay muu- bling "curses, not loud, but deep." At this auspicious moment. Dr. Hacke­ mup bent over the widow with the benvo- lent intention of applying to her nostrils the Aromatic Spirits of Curd and Whey. Grabbing the ministering angel by the leg, as the festive crab seizes the unwary duck, she impelled him to assume with great suddenness a most undignified position oa the grass, from which point of disad^nfsge her convulsions becoming more nolent, the unfoitunate Curd and Wiiey dispenser placed entirely hor* de combat, realized with painful fore* the necessity of devoting himself to a practical application of "nature's first law." With a nimbleness of a professional acrobat, he assumed a dozen remarkable postures in as many consecu­ tive seconds, in the praiseworthy endeavor to escape suffocation from the mountain of flesh, which threatened in its convulsive throes to flatten him as completely as though he were placed under the "squeezer," which manufactured the Curd and Whey Liver Pad for thq benefit of a suffering world. At the expiration of a few miserable mo­ ments, the vivacious widow ' relaxed her grip of the much abused leg. Raising her head and glancing in apparent surprise at the two prostrate forms, she inquired mildly, "Has there been a cy#lone?" Rising expeditiously and moving to a safe distance, Dr. Hackemup gasped feel­ ingly. <j If ypur occiput, ah, ana ydur dorsum, ah, have suffered m proportion tp mine, madam, ^ i I neither wonder nor am surprised at your his advances in a manner elevated as weli I diagnosis of the situation. I have no ob- astender, had not Miss Sniggers' attenuated I jecfion. madam, to your iiidulging in fits, nose been constantly buried in a mug of but I do protest, madam, against being uti!- Whey, it is more than probable that she •would have perceived the odor deUctabilia of spirits in the air. Miss Sniggere received his attentions with acidulated sweetness. Emphatically •endorsing the aneient sentiment "it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone," she •wisely concluded that as Mr. Slasher w08 the first man to pity her loneliness, he also might be the last. While he had not pro­ posed in due form, he had whispered to'her that "Duckett," hitherto a stoic to bright eyes and wavy tresses, was now templed to «k» a Utile shenanigan around the fairest of her sex; furthermore that if restored to health by the reviving influence of Curd jjlnd Whey, he should again enter the arena •of business, no man should be "Duckett's" partner, save he who could answer the fol- ized by you as a lawn-mower, ah,* during your indulgence in the s»me." And link­ ing his arm in that of hi« fellow-sufferer, Mr. Slasher, he witldrevf to his sanctum, doubtless to test the e®cacy of Curd and Whey Bitters, in case of bruised back, broken jaw, and woundtfd digaity. During these festivities the stage had arrived bnnging'Harry Hackemup, the Doctor's absent son. 1 he young fellow leaped to the ground, fancying ho had strayed unawares into a crowd of howling derrishes. The engag­ ing Mis. Hunkius. supjiorted by half of the screaming invalids, whose lungs at least bore no evidence <jf decay, 6till brandished aloft the bloody tropnv which she had ex- tracted from her devoted lover's mouth. Miss Sniggers alone stood gloomily aloof. To her Barry applied for an explanation of the scene. Convulsed with laughter he listened to her sarcastic account of the wofnl occur­ ence, cqpsing suddenly as she nttered with spiteful emphasis, the name of "Slasher." "SlasheR did you sny? Is his name Ducketti Well, here's lack! He's wanted "Wha^ for?" eagerly inqured Miss Snig­ gers, ^perceiving from the boy's darkeq^g face that Mr. Slasher was Wanted for no pleasant iea- son. "You may trust me. He has madft me the mock and gibe of the honse, and I'd like to return the compliment." Thus assured, Harry under a promise of secrecy, confided to Miss Sniggers why he he took sneh an interest in her quandnm lover. The morning in rose fair upon Small- Pox ("reek and the#Sanatorium appeitain- ing thereto. Mr. Slasher with touching magnanimity, pocketing his grievance, also his tooth, greeted the widow as tenderly as though no aching void testified to her strength, and his weakness. Mrs. Hunkins. "too innocent for co­ quetry. too fond for idle scorning," yielded to his soft blandishments without one sigh to the defunct Darius Napoleon. Miss Sniggers was quite gay and laughed unfeelingly, when Harry Hackemup re­ marked impertinently in reply to Mr. Slasher's plaintiff moan, that he felt as though he had lost his "entire jaw:" , ' . j. , "Your jaw can better be spared, a9 jr«*% seem to be well supplied with cheek." *, Mr. Slasher glanced fiercely at the per­ petrator of this insult, but * as his face in .addition to being swollen to twice its na­ tural size,was also swathed in a Curd-and- Whev poultice, his Wellingtonian scowl failed to produce the desired effect. Servants wages at the Sanitarium being almost infinitesimal, there was generally a great scarcity of these useful appendages. It was therefore with surprise and relief that Dr. Hackemup accepted an applica­ tion, made through the friendly Miss Snig­ gers, from a woman, who represented her­ self as trilling to work without pay, pro­ vided she could receive the distinguished President's treatment. Immediately upon her arrival at the Sanitarium, this woman sought Miss Sniggers' apartment, naturally desiring to express her gratitude for the service rendered her. Mr. Slasher and his elephantine fiancee were rather tardy at tea that evening. As they entered the dining-room arm in arm, neither noticed the new servant, who at their appearance leaned panting againt the wall, white with fury. As tho loving couple were about to be seated, she sprang across the room with a bound, and snatching the widow's pudgy hand from Mr. Slasher's clasp, dealt that astonished gentleman a series of well- planted blows in direct defiance of the Mar­ quis of Queensburv rules. Mrs. Hunkins screamed with alarm, and grabbing her assaulted lover by the collar fell into a fit. * The stranger interpreting her action as an intention of carrying off the bone of contention, seized the unhappy mau with one hand while with the other she furiously menaced the widow. Poor Mr. Slasher, much against his will between two fires, stiffored the usual fate of the intervening party, his defenceless head receiving the greater part of the blows intended for the widow, while the latter in her struggles still holding his collar, nearly throttled him. Mrs. Hunkins at length emerging from her fit, loosed hir hold, and the new serv­ ant was left in undisputed possession of the little man, for whom she had fought so valiantly. But who would have recognized in the drooping, wild-eyed, dilapidated manikin, the jaunty, pompous, self-satisfied bride­ groom-elect of a few short moments be­ fore? Truly could he have exclaimed "Ich- abod?" Too crestfallen to speak, he stood sullenly beside the victorious Amazon; while she volubly expatiated upon her wrongs and his villainy, concluding with: "I'm his lawful wife, ladies and gentle­ man, and he ran away from me and the nine children two years ago. Thanks to the young Doctor and the little lady," pointing to Harry and Miss Sniggers "I've got him again and I'll keep him- He'll go in harness in place of the dog, and earn his living turning the crank of the washing machine." Sic transit gloria Slasher! Mrs. Hunkins departed by the next sta^e. The banting process had not proved a suc­ cess. Dr. Hackemnp overwhelmed at the loss of his rich patient, vanished into his sanc­ tum, where emulating Clarence, but im­ proving upon the pattern, he drowned his woes instead of himself in the Lethean waves of Curd and Whey (?) Bitters. "Well,"said Mrs. Hackemup, in summing up the events with Harrf and Miss Snig­ gers, "I never read anything more novelty. Mr. Slasher is a double-tied traitor and de­ serves incassoration. It's a mercy, my love, that you and Harry umnassacred his wickedness, or we might all have been ar­ rested as bigamusses and polygamers." Miss Sniggers, whose black eyes wore the serenely savage expression of "a woman piqued who has her will," replied slowly and impressively: "Time at last sets all things even-- (And if wo do but watch the hour) There never yet was human power Which could evade if unforgiven. The patient search and vigil long Of him who treasures up a wrong." All Overdressed Society Lady. Speaking of morals reminds me that one of tlie ladies of the Diplomatic Corps is causing a great deal of talk br lier immodesty in dressing, and at a public gathering recently she appeared in a costume which, if it had been wo« anywhere else, would have eamjtxf th0 interference of the police. Sbe* is young and beautiful, and her imputation is un­ stained, but even in Washington society, which tolerate almost any tiling, sho cannot 8° nlTlch farther without losing tbe respect of all decent people. She has always been noted for an ambition to exhibit the charms with which bountiful nature has endowed her, and the artistic perfection of lier figure is as well known as the Washington monument, but her dresses have been cut shorter and shorter at the top, and wound more closely around her as the season has grown, until she might as well wear nothing at all. On the occasion referred to she ap­ peared in a pink tinted-silk which fitted lier so perfectly that one who looked at her from across the room could not dis­ tinguish* where the fabric ended and the flesh began. There wasn't a ruffle or a wrinkle from her corsage to her train, and not the slightest ornament except a bunch of roses at her waist of the same tint as her neck and dress. The corsage was laced at the back, what there was of it, but from her chin to her waist was one unbroken line, and as she faced you she looked exactly like a nud« statue of a pink mermaid. Her skirts were as tight as her corsage, and every outline was as distinct as un- draped nature itself. Of course she made a sensation, and I suppose that is what she wanted, She couldn't have caused more talk had she appeared in flesh-colored tights.--Washing ton Cor. New Yorjc World. - "Do FISH sleep?" anxiously asks a scientist. They certainly do. Take a morning after you have dug two hours for worms and then dodged the people on their way to church and tramped two miles through the woods to the stream, then you will see that fish can slumber; every fish for four miles in each direction will slide away off down in the bed of the creek and go to sleep so sound that its snoring will jar th bate off your hook.--Estelline (Dak. Hell. TUB PATENT OFFICE. How It Began Life Under tho Fostering Care of*- afoflferaon--Ita Snbtrqu«u'. His­ tory. By act of April 10, 1790, the first American patent system was founded, writes a correspondent to the Cincin­ nati Erujuirer. Thomas Jefferson in­ spired it, and nmy be said to have been the father of the American patent office. He took great pride in it, it is said, and gave personal consideration to every application that was made for a patent during the years between 1790 and 1793, while the power of revision and rejec­ tion granted by that act remained in force. It is related that the granting of a patent was held to be in those early times quite an event in the history of the State department, where the clerical part of the work was then performed. It is a matter of tradition, handed down from generation to generation by tlibse who love to speak of Mr. Jeffer­ son and his virtues and eccentricities, that when an application for a patent was made under the first act he would summon Mr. Henry Ivnox, of Massa­ chusetts, who was Secretary of War, and Mr. Edmund Randolph, of Virginia, who was Attorney General, these officials being designated by the act, with the Secretary of State, a tribunal to ex­ amine the application critically, scrutin­ izing each point of the application and claims carefully and rigorously. The result of this examination was that during the first year a majority of the applications failed to pass the ordeal, and only three patents were granted. In those years every step in the issuing of a patent was taken with great care and caution, Mr. Jefferson seeking always to impress upon the minds of his officials and the public that the granting of a patent was a matter of no ordinary importance. The growth of our patent system, its vast importance, its intimate connection with and direct influence upon the property of the country, de­ mand that it shall receive a degree of attention which it cannot and will not receive while it remains a merely subordinate bureau of the interior de partment. The first patent was granted July 31; 1790, to Samuel [Hopkins for making pot and pearl ashes. An examination of the patents granted between 1790 and 1810 shows most surpisingly the gerpi of the ideas which by subsequent im­ provements have been incorporated into an inventive system.. By the act of 1886 a board pf examiners was created. The official system was not a very large one at that time. The office was created, but it was attached to the department of State. There were provided for the office, to be appointed by the commis­ sioner of patent?, with tlie approval of the Secretary of State, a chief clerk, an examining clerk, three other clerks, a machinist, and a messenger. That con­ stituted in 1836 the entire force of the patent office. In 1849 tlie office was disconnected from the department of State and attached to the department of the interior, which was then created. The establishment of the patent office marked the commencement of the mar­ velous development of the resources of the country which is the admiration and wonder of the world, a development which challenges all history for a parallel, and it is not too much to say that the unexampled progress has been not only dependent upon but has been coincident with the patent system of this country. We have had fifty years of progress, fifty years of invention ap­ plied to the every-day wants of life; fifty years of patent encouragement, and fifty years of a development in wealth, resources, grandeur, culture, power, which is a little short of miraculous. Population, production,business, wealth, comfort, culture, power, grandeur-- these have all kept step witli the ex­ pansion of the inventive genius of this country, and the progress has only been made possible by the inventions of its citizens. It is only when the brain evolves and the cunning hand fashions labor-saving machines that a nation be­ gins to throb with new energy and life, and expands with a new growth. It is only when thought wrings from nature her untold secret resources that solid wealth and strength are accumulated by a people. Especially is this true in a republic. Under arbitrary forms of government kings may oppress the la­ borer, kings may conquer other nations, they may extort from, oppress, an<3 de grade the men who till aa(l they may thus acquire »* **»<•!; but in a republic it is onlj wlien the citizen conquers nature, extorts her resources and appropriates her riches that you find real wealth and power. Women are among the army of inventors. The majority of applications filed by women for patents are for articles used in housekeeping, or for dress, or toilet. Several have invented sowing-machines, and others sewing-machine attachments. A great many applications have been made for patents by women, the princi­ ples of which have already been patented. One woman has a patent for an artificial stone composition, probably for building or paving purposes. One has received a patent for a disinfectant; one fot preserving eggs. Another, looking to tko comfort of her children, perhaps, lifts invented an ear-muff, for which sjhO has been successful in having a patent issued. A lady, who is possi­ bly a dressmaker, has applied for and received a patent for a hook-and-eye. T. 't-. „ , - Uilt-Edged lbitter. Few tables in Boston can afford to have "gilt-edged" butter. More have oleomargarine than they do of such but­ ter, or even of good butter. Most of the gilt-edged butter that comes to Boston is engaged beforehand by the Parker House, Tremont House, and by general first-class grocers, who deal it out to those of their customers who can afford to pay the price. The best packed butter in the market to-day comes from the Western creameries, although New England has the best natural facilities for butter-making in its rich herbage and clear-running streams. There is sold in Boston at present about 300 pounds of fancy butter per week, which brings 75 to 80 cents a pound--I have known $1 per pound paid for such but­ ter. The demand is much greater than the supply. This butter is made by careful methods from tho milk of the Jfersey cow, and it comes principally from Farmingham, !Lenox, and other points io^fcbe midst of good farming country.^ The "gilt-edged" is delivered to consumers twice a week. It is not expected to remain sweet more than three or four days. Jersey butter is the fashionable butter of the day, and as farming is done for profit, it would seem that there must be profit in "gilt- edged" butter. The Jersey cow is the most profitable butter producer. From the Jersey,, cow of an acquaintance of mine, at Newton, there were made 27 pounds 11 ounces in seven days; an­ other, 25 pounds in the same time; an­ other, 26 pounds; another 15 pounds in three days, and a Farmington farmer has n Jersey "ow that produced ~u pounds in 156 days. It takes six or seven quarts of Jersey milk to make a pound of butter. The globule in the milk is very large and the cream rises quicker than in ordinary milk.--Boston Cor. San Francisco Call. ̂ ' Our Ancestors in 1098. The number of a man's ancestors doubles in every generation as his de­ scent is traced upward. In the first generation he reckons only two an­ cestors--his father and mother. In the second generation the two are converted into four, since he had two grandfathers and two grandmothers. But each of these four had two parents, and thus in the third generation there are found to be eight ancesters--that is, eight great grand-parents. In the fourth genera­ tion the number of ancestors js sixteen; in the fifth, thirty-two; in the sixth, sixty-four; in the seventh, 128. Ifi the tenth it has risen to 1,024; ih the twentieth it becomes 1,048,176; in tlie thirtieth no fewer than 1,073,741,834. To ascend no higher than the twenty- fourth generation, we reach the sum of lti, 777,216, which is a great deal more than all the inhabitants of Great* Britain when that generation was in ex­ istence. For if we re^J^SSff^^he ration at thirty-three years, twenty-four of such will carry us back 792 years, or to A. D. 1993, when William the Conqueror had been sleeping in his grave at Caen only six years, and his son, William II., surnanied Rufits, was reigning over the land. At that time the total number of inhabitants of England could have been little more than 2,000,000, the amount at which it is estimated during the reign of the Conqueror. It was only one-eiglith of a nineteentli century man's ancestors if the normal ratio of progression, as just shown by a simple process of aiitlimetic, had received no check, and if it had not been bounded by the limits of the population of the country. Since the result of the law of progression , had there been room for its expansion, would have been eight times the actual population, by so much more is it certain that the lines Of every Englishman's ancestry run up to every man and every woman in the reign of William I., from the King and Queen downward, who left descendants in the island, and whose progeny has not died out there.--Popular Science Monthly. The Rnral Oyster. Lost Monday afternoon, the Man- eater came up-stairs to the line-em­ bossed, pine-quilted recess where we write thrilling editorials on Canon's future, and the outlook for evening promenades in the near hence, and by loudlv exercising his lnngs, tried to intimidate us. We didn't intimidate, however, for a cent. We just sized up this blooming blowhard of uncompleted kidhood, as he wagged hi* cliin while singing his song. It was immense-- the song we mean--and worthy of a better reception; and if we had not been too busy at the time, we should have paid him for it with * lick from an old stove-liook, along th» base of the vacuum which is supposed to hold his brains. If the parents of this mouthy young man would look after him a little more closely, they might save themselves a good deal of sorrow in days to come, and help to abate a nuisance that has long afflicted the people of Canon. There are several varieties of oysters, but the one which we are writing about at present is the rural oyster, and is not a salt water product, but an inhabitant of country mns, where he grows to exuberance. Ih fact he is always fresh, is in season all the year round, and. al­ though not a fish, he tries to drink like one, thinking by so doing people will imagine he is a man. If he were cooled once in a while, he would furnish his own sauce. He can be found lounging about the church door when the ladies are making their exit; and the saloons. His steady occupation consists in lis­ tening to the clatter of his own voice,, when he is not sucking a cigarette Just as the tougli gradually develops into the slugger, so does the fural oysj tor in ^ue process of evolution develop into the tough, so to apeak. A religious paper says that fche oyster should be opened with prayer. This evidently does not refer to the tHral oyster. He should be i>ri«l open with a stocking f,jl of l>ran mash.-- Cation City Mer- t~ury. An Anecdote of Longfellow. Prof. Longfellow, while connected with Bowdoin College, in this town, re- sided in the house on Federal street now occupied by Judge Barrows. Soon after his return from his European tour and while residing here he wrote and" published "Outre-Mer; a Pilgrimage Beyond the Sea," one of his first liter­ ary productirttis that appeared in book form and was issued from the press of the late John Griffin. Theodore S. McLellan was the foreman of Mr. Grif­ fin's printing establishment at that time and executed all the presswork. The Professor furnished his copy written on the outside of old letters--a dozen or more being stitched together. To fur­ nish each compositor with a "take" the manuscript had to be divided by tho foreman, giving each typesetter a por­ tion commencing and ending with a paragraph, the whole being returned to the Professor with the proof-sheets. The Professor, not relishing the mutila­ tion of his manuscript, wrote on his next supply of copy the following stanza: Mr. Griffin! Mr. Griffin I If yon let that devil "Theodore" Tear my c py any more I'll destroy him in a jiffln. The verse was set in type and re­ turned to the Professor interlined be­ tween two of the most thrilling sen­ tences of his work. On receiving tjie proof he repaired to the printing office in great haste, fearing the verse might appear in his work, and saw it stricken from the ".form."--Brunswick (Me.) Telegraph. She Wished It, Too. "They tell me you've traveled, Mr. Crinisonhack," said Miss Fussan- feather, during a lull in the conversation the otl;er night. "Yes, I've traveled considerable. I used to travel for a dry goods house. I wish I was traveling now." "I wish you were," innocently re­ joined the young lady, noticing that both hands of the clock were pointing upward.--Yonkers Statesman. Impartial. A coronef ir. an Ohio town was called upon to "sit on" the case of A man who had been killed in an iron-mill. In order to impress the jury -with his honesty he began his address as follows: "Schentlemen, I hef no personal inter­ est in dis case. I hef been approached neder, by der manufacturers nor der deceased." IT is injurious to be in a hurry, and delay is often equally so; he is wise who does everything in proper time. Tardiness and precipitation are ex­ tremes equally to be avoided. Dread of Old Ago. The secret of tho undying popularity of Lee Sage's great work, Gil Bias, is the fidelity with which he portrays hu­ man nature. In his characters we recognize a similarity, not to say an identity with people whom we meet every day. All of us have laughed over Gil Bias' unhappy experience with the arch­ bishop, whose secretary he was. The archbishop regarded his secretary in* the light of a true friend, and, in one of his confidential moods, said to Gil Bias: "I know that I am an old man and that sooner or later, but probably sooner, I tvill lose my mental vigor. Now, Gil Bias, when you perceive that my homilies and sermons are not up to high water mark, when they fail to go to tlie right spot, I want you to come to me and tell me so candidly. If there is anything I dread, it is for me to keep on preaching after I've lost my reason­ ing faculties." Gil Bias, whox really liked the old man, promised that as soon as he per­ ceived the archbishop's intellect wob­ bling about on its throne he would in­ form him of the fact. "Do so, Gil Bias, and you will not find me ungrateful," intimating that he would remember him in his will. Not long afterwards the archbishop delivered a homily which abounded in chestnuts and was otherwise very weak. It was no goodi. The next homily was still worse, and showed conclusively that the time had arrived to inform his patron and bene­ factor of liis mental deterioration. Gil imagined that his candor would be appreciated and rewarded. Gil was quite young and inexperienced at the time. ' Gil broke it gently to the archbishop. He said: "May it please Your Grace your last sermon was very good, but "But what?" asked the prelate. "Has anybody found fault with it?" "You remember you requested me to let you know in case I detected any signs of failing in your sermons, and Jrour last homily did not brace me up ike the others. It was good, but not so blamed good." "So you think I'm played out, do you ? You mean I am a drivelling old imbecile, that I haven't good sense enough left to go in out of the rain." "Oh, no, by no means. You haven't got that far yet. Your last sermon was a boss one as far as it goes, but it didn't go quite far enough. It didn't knock the persimmons like your previous ef­ forts. You know you requested me to tell you candidly when your intellect began to wobble about and totter on its throne." The archbishop's eyes were ablaze with fury as he said: "You ought to know, blockhead, that my last homilies were the best I ever delivered. Go, Gil Bias, go to the cashier and draw your salary up to date. I wish you much prosperity and a great deal more good taste, but I can't keep a young man about me who has soften­ ing of the brain." The archbishop opened the door and shoved Gil Bias by the shoulders out into the cold outside atmosphere. Human nature is pretty much the same in the palace and in the hut. The correctness of Le Sage's portrayal of human nature is corroborated - by the recent request of his Holiness that the artist who was painting his picture should not represent him as an old man for he wasn't anything of the kind.-- Texas SiftingH. < Girls Spoiled by Chivalry of MM, We have ih America the remarkable chivalry of our men, a character un­ known and unrecognized in Europe, which, as always extended from the stronger to the weaker, of course in­ cludes a profound respect for women. This is the beginning of the best eti­ quette. Women all over America are protected, respected, supported, and petted. There is no such papadise for women. In Paris, the headquarters of elegance, the rottenness of an old civili­ sation has undermined this loyalty to the ideal woman. In London there is a brutality and coarseness descending heavily on women of a lower grade, and which by atmospheric pressure has reached the higher classes, and now af­ fects women of every statue in society, so that it is unpleasant for a woman to walk London streets alone, and impos­ sible for her to do so at night, even with a gentleman escort, after the thea­ ters ai-e closed. There is absolutely no propriety or safety in Rome for girls who walk alone even at mid-day. Every Italian feels privileged to speak to her. It is so universally the custom of the country that a well-behaved young lady should have a chaperon that an American un­ married woman of even 40 years takes a friend with her when she walks out in Rome. '(ii> • It is to be feared that American wo­ men have, as a class, disregarded this etiquette in Europe too much, and that at home (as we are now a nation of for­ eigners )tliey still disregard appearances. There is also no doubt that the Ameri­ can girl is a spoiled child. She forgets to be polite, to be. deferential; she dis­ regards such well-meant attentions in railway cars and society, while on the other hand she is apt to be, for appear ance's sake, too much absorl>ed in the man of her choice. Certain women think that they establish independence by abolishing good manners, and by ig­ noring refinement, gentleness and ele­ gance. But this is a great mistake. It is woman who preserves the order and decency of society; without her, men would soon relapse in the savage estate, and the comfort and grace of home are exchanged for the rude discomfort of the mining' camp.--Harper's Bazar. Missionary Intelligence. A New York missiontay who has been stationed for many years at one of the Sou£h Sea Islands^, has returned on a brief visit. "How are you coming on?" asked a brother clergyman." "The outlook is very encouraging. Many of the cannibals have embraced Christianity, but there are also many professional cannibals left." "You married a native, I believe." "My -wife is a convert and a consist­ ent Christian. The only trouble I have is with my father-in-law. Ho has not yet been converted. I have to keep my eye on him when he calls to see us, so that he won't eat up any of the children. One of the twins was terribly bitten one day, but I am still hopeful of his being plucked as a brand from the burning." "Dear me, how pleasant that must be," remarked the other clergyman.-- Texas S if tings. THE executors of John McCullough's estate say that over $36,000 will be left to the family, clear of all debts. Mrs. McCullough will receive two-thirds of this. She already owns her house in Philadelphia. PITH AITD POIHT. "N*YEB too late to men*," maid said £rhen die sent off th* faleii* tine.--Maverick. "GBEBCB is after Tnrkey," says news item. Generally dyspepsia follows . W turkey.--Maverick. A BRIDE in AJbia, Iowa, got A bottl#". . of pepper sauce for a present. It was tha 'j gift of a warm friend. t A BUFFALO woman has commenced to * write a book, and her husband calls her * Charity, because charity begins a toma. » WHEN Joseph's brethren lowered him into the excavation by the side of the* rcai he is said to have remarked: "A pit it is, and true it is a pit, eh ?" 15| AN exchange wants to know wherii the hottest place in the United States it :! located. It is located *here you are •; sweet on two girls and one of them finds it opt. WHEN the clergyman remarked that , there would be a nave in the church the society was building, and old lady j w liispered that she new the party to j whom he referred. " 'i AGES will come and go; but woman. will not be perfectly happy , until she 1 can have eyes attached to her shoulders, t \ so that she can look up to and criticize t her own back hair.--Judge. J BEES near a distillery stay drunk alj : the time and make no honey. Bees anS a good deal like men. They don't care for honey when they can get beer,-- . Drake's Tt-avelers'Magazine. A PROPERTY-HOLDER--"Hey, wake u|f there \ I think there's a burglar in my 1 1 house." Weary officer--"Well, you've •! got gall to wake a man up out of a. sound sleep to tell him what you think.*, --Judge. 1 • ......Js A KANSAS man is sawing wood in tho navy-vard at Washington. Thus the 4 unexpected happens. He went there | for a post-office commission and, up to 1 date, can only say; "I came, I saw.n-- Boston Record. i PROGRESS is still skipping along, 1 knocking old theories topsy-turvey and -f jj building up new ones, but she can't "I quite make out what the sex of the | chick will be till after the egg is - ^jj hatched.--Chicago Ledger. THERE is some controversy going on as to the word "toboggan." Several authorities claim that it is from the Indian. A promiuent Utican of Celtic extraction, however, insists that it is an Irish word, and he gets at its origin thus: Once upon a time a poor farmer in County Cork discovered a valuable peat bed on the few acres he happened to own. His fortune was soon made, for he let the farming "slide" aitd went to boggin'.--Utica Herald. • SHE WOULD. DEEP IN HER EYES OF BONNIE BLUE " I SAW THE LOVE-LIGHT SHINE; V . "SWEET LOVE," I SOFTLY ASKED, "WILL YDJP MMS BE MINE V" ^ She rained her head and breathed a Hor eyes with teara were wet, :T" ; A n d b l u s h i n g l y s h e m a d e r e p l y . S " ; "You bet." --Boston Courier. Jk: "WHAT'S the cause of people paus'nC ; Near my honse from morn till NIGM^ T > Asked the owner of a bulldog; ; JVV \ "Are they paralyzed with fright?* "Not exactly," said a doctor, "For at present they're all right; But they want to go to Paris, And are waiting for a bite." --New York Journal. " MAMMA, " said a little Fifth Ward bojr lugubriously the other day as he laid down a volume of biographical sketches of the Presidents. "I don't believe I'll ever be a President. I ain't got tho chance. I wasn't brung up right." "Why, child, you have the same chance that other little boys have." "No I ain't. I wasn't born in a log cabin, nor I ain't drove a team on the canal, nor had to read a spellin'-book by the light of a pin® knot, nor had to split rails, nor nothin like the rest of the boys who got there. I tell you, mother, I'm handicapped on this Presidential busi­ ness.--Ehnira Gazette. THERE was a Sunday-school teacher, and her class was composed of a goodly number of average small boys. The other Sunday the lesson was upon tho Babylonian captivity, and the teacher had done her best in preparing the les­ son so as to attract and hold their at­ tention. This is not often an easy mat­ ter in some of the Old Testament historical lessons, and so the teacher's energies were,directed toward making the story lifelike and realistic to her young pupils. "Now just suppose, boys," she began, "that some great army was to come here and take fathers and mothers and you yourselves pris­ oners and carry you off to a strango land and make you work as slaves, and try to make you believe in their reli­ gion instead of your own," etc. As her vivid imagination enlarged upon the picture she was pleased to notice that the boys looked interested, but her satisfaction quickly ended as one patriotic urchin, amid tho smiles of his comrades, exclaimed. "Yessum, 'twould be kinder rough; but there ain't a na­ tion on the earth that's big enuf to do it.--Boston Traveller. The Common House-fly. The house-fly begins to make its ap­ pearance in July, becomes abundant toward the end of August, and lives from that time till killed by cold weather. The eggs are deposited in tho ordure of stables, whose warmth hatches them. The larva hatches from the shell in the form of a small, white worm; from this it passes into the pupa state. The pupa is larger than the larva, and is of a dark brown color. In this state the insect remains from eight to four-- teen days, then comes forth tho perfeot fly. All flies and mosquitoes grow in the larva and pupa state, and after they acquire wings they do not grow any more. The smaller flies we often see with the house-fly are not the young of the same species, but another and a smaller kind. As all flies apparentlv perish on the advent of cold weather, it is difficult to tell whence come the fresh swarms with each recuring sum­ mer season, but it is supposed that a few do live through the winter in se­ questered warm spots, and no doubt some lie dormant in the pupa state through the cold months. Thus enough are carried over to begin the work of propagation in the early spring. This work proceeds so rapidly that in a month or two a little one literally be­ comes a thousand, and July finds us with our usual crop of millions of our familiar pests on hand.--Inter-Ooean Flaineless Cartridges. * . In some of the English collieries ex­ periments have been made with "water cartridges," in which the gun-powder of the charge is completely surrounded by water. It is stated that no flame fol­ lowed the explosions, even when heavy blasts were made. The water cartridge and ordinary gunpowder cartridges were fired in liags of coal dust, the dust l»eiug ignited by the latter, while the former simply dispersed it in a dark cloud mixed with steam. The new cartridges are expected to render great service in mines whera fire-damp is present.