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THXKAfKIS ON THE ROOF. n aoun TBowi •,4A -- when MMrad Jum nnk to illoasa ̂ Iflajwi* turned to night, » < .jb.. .jys*r4Wi® c»rei and tffka that throng «S S' ?II»V8'|>a8»ed with the passing lights Mjr the mind will wonder 1 stray, despite reproof, . M ' 1 WftMMa the night i« dark and starlMa §$ And the rain is on the roof 1 11 tread the .sunny patl® »<1 in Childhood's hours: i With sisters o'er the hit|S r spring's first fioweft. Afmin I feel my father's amil^j ^ i Hy mother's fond reproof: gs^'% IHT» the old days o'er again k,, " j,; When the rain is on the roo£.J/S: ' Die world the blessed dead have 5 stu , - It HM not far from tbia; IP* ' if A, ̂ They yet have sorrow in our woea -'A'-'r> And joy 'in our bliss. " .• ?£ " < They semi me words of guiding And words of sad reproof, ' f 1 » + " And they com? and sit besiJe.BW fi *"'L_ Wheu tlie raiu ia on the roof. J< * .--Worna*'# Journal. ^«5H0N SMIDTJJND DRfflE' W$C:' BY MAKDA L. CROCKER. *Twas but a mite of a cottage, up which m: climbing roses had only to turn a hand­ spring from their box below, in order to land in a song-and-chorus, attitude on the Blown gables. But this cosy lilliputian affair, which stood, or rather nestled in the shadow of the Cleat cathedral in the Catholic quarter of the city of Wayne, had a history which bade defiance to its more pretentious neigh­ bors. There was the great drab-colored boarding-house, three numbers away, which knight revel in a hundred flirtations, over its mysterious menu, or profound "asides" passed in eulogy above the shin-bone porter-house, but it could not compare gum-drops with Von Nixy; not it, and it night flaunt its yellow shutters, and varie­ gated hash until the thousand years of peace, still Von Nixy would be ahead. Even the elegant residences over the way, whose be-laced and lie-ruffled inmates completely ignored the little gem of thrift in the shadows of piety, even they stood in sack­ cloth at the rear, when romance and ad- , venture came to the front. And that was the provoking difference; for, when sensa­ tion twangs her banjo, and calls for the sentimental, Nixy tightens her girdle, and bounces into the ring palpitating from the foundation to the top-round of the Tom ; Thumb chimney, with well-earned glory-- the achievements of the love that laughs at locksmiths. To-day it scintillates and glows, in the Mrora-borealis effulgence of a glory fairer, more Eden-like, than hangs like a nimbus over the woman who sits among thf thirteen stars on the almighty dollar, and everlastingly wears «her hair about half- leefed, and without any common-sense taste as to how the lest of her natural wig Hies fore and aft on her cranium. Yea! snore than this; over the-little dove-nest folds itself in a dreamy rapture that even the venerable tri-color emblem of our hation never indulged in on the Fourth of July. The heroine of this rapturous story, which the Von Nixy cottage nas legitimately ^booked onto, was the fair fraulien, Trixie Von Nixy, whose big brother ran the cash drawer of the little grocery at No. 18, on Market street, and whose globular vater stuck to his last, and punctured the hardened soles of the poorer denizens of UM quarter. The junior Nixys ran in and out of the little humble-bee home; a whole baker's dozen of them, rosy cheeked and bubbling Over with the soft liquid tongue of the Vatarland. Papa Von Nixy loved to hear Ac pfflsuasive language rolling over the Npaguat adjuncts of his beloved progeny, but in spite of his partiality to his ownest own, Trixie and the big 1 brothar chewed English, with their pretzels, and became the mashers of the family. These firstlings of the Von " Nixy flock didn't seem to browze off the sauerkraut fodder naturally, but some way sniffed the Yankee world afar off, and struck an attitude over the left shoulder, toward the innocent sweitzer-kase and mellow atmosphere of their rooftree, much to the disgust of their dismayed masculine parent. Mamma Von Nixy was a veritable roily- poly matron, fair-haired and blue-eyed, who waded around among the little Von Nixys with a good-natured waddle, and crooned the good old "Heim-gang" to the cherub in the wicker-basket cradle; that wicker preambulator which came over the pond with the wilful Trixie smiling in its depths. Little did frau Von Nixy think, when she yanked that little ark onto Ameri­ can soil, that its occupant would live to become a genuine heroine in the Hoosier State. But she did, and here comes the story, hero, heroine, seconds, and all. It was all natural enough for Trixie's big brother to have a friend and chum, down at the grocery, and he froze to young Her­ man Von Nixy, with the celerity of a rene­ gade wharf-rat buckling up to something to eat. And then naturally enough too, this friend who answered to the rhythm­ ical drift of the musical cognomen, John Smith, called occasionally, and twice a week, finally, at the cottage "under the rose," ostensibly to see Herman, but in reality to do some fancy romantic courting, as he sublimely smiled a whole back-load of little golden •hafts, said to be the property of Venus' sou, over Herman's shoulder at the blush­ ing Trixie. Curiously enough, the simple-minded fraulein fell straightway in love with our Sbonhie, or the big bogus diamond glorify­ ing his immaculate shirt-front, one or the Other. It didn't matter which point of excel­ lence commended him to Trixie, he was Supremely happy; and the ah!-you-do-ad- mfre-me smile spread over his pink-and- white English features, as butter dis­ tributes itself over a hot flapjack. And thusly it happened before the glory <*f the June roses faded into the stereo- hurrah of the small-boy-and-fire «Mcfcrr day, this mutual freeze had made • honeycomb frostwork of both youthful s. And Cupid sat snugly among gabled rose vines and watched his little game go on until the shadows of the «mat Cathedral could mark the boundary <©f the daffodil garden of love but vaguely. Hut in this case, as in many others, the tender passion did not get a chance to run • iull gallop. From the perversity of aumdaqB hit and miss there always Springs up some east wind, bearing on Us vampire wings, a blight deadlier than a full-fledged sirocco, and the budding sweetness of our pet Cupid goes down with S suddenness which never sat upon Jonah's gourd-vine. In this case the dynamite was toted around by papa Von Nixy, who finally fired the fuse one aggravating morning in dog-day weather, after the Von Nixy's Usual war-dance, and blew Cupid out of 4he rose-vines ker-flop, landing himsome- ipfMge this side of heaven, with a black eye MJtd'S broken wing to comfort him. Von Nix MMe a. would I out of itself, leaving the sufferers and grow wiser lor their having DOgb one of life's fitful fevers. frisky passion left its chiysa- "1 earnest for the broad expanse .BSS delusion, he deliberately rWfags, and cuffed the feathery t tiers. In other words Yon the soul of St. Crispin, and JWw. establishment, that that "Shon Smidt to pttai Drixie's affections. * So ^ sat down on the rose and i manner: haft dat goot fur noting wikgftbone smflin' 'roun' here at you, shust like von shiok kitten vat tinks you haff shweet gream fur its shupper?" During this lengthy question, the healthy old vater eyed the blushing Trixie, much as he would a mug of beer which he sus­ pected was not genuine, Trixie was inclined to take this in a ban­ tering mood, at first, but when she saw the tell-me-at-once-or-die resolve can4ering over her father's countenance, with the strength of a pioneer limburger, she knew the game was up. Then the eldest daughter of the castle of Nixy, knowing that the knight of the fastness was in earnest, could no longer doubt the mustness of the climax: yet she merely hung her sunny head and listened to the two-forty gait of her life's pumping machine, while it threat­ ened momentarily to burst its barriers, and flop right down, before pater-families and plead for itself. But papa Von Nixy had opened the cam- aign against "Shonnie," in the spirit, and is daughter's reticence was no damper whatever; in fact, it only convinced him that he had struck the right trail and would soon have that "buppy luff" where it would be obliged to cry for quarter. "Veil!" he exclaimed, so explosively that the bristles on the "waxed-end" he jerked into place lifted up their extremities in sheer amazement, "Veil, I haf shworn by mine awl and all, dot Misther Shonnie's visits hef An endt. He ish not amoundting to much, by Shimminy, und dish billin' und cooin' pesthness heff shust got to be sthopt, now right avay soon. Und Drixie, dere ish no use a veeping mit te mem'ry ov dish scallawagt, fur he ish nodt worth te shalt in von leedle gryspell." But Trixie's eyes were suspiciously moist, and the native roses on her blooming cheeks withered, most pitiful to see. "So, so, now Drixie," continued Vater Nixy, patting the braids of his darling, "you shust gif him up, und your old bappy vill gif you te shining balm of peing a shenuine Von Nixy. It ish only buppy luff, Drixie, only buppy luff, und ven you gets ofer it vhy you'll see shust how condemptible a buppy you haf luffed." % But instead of proving a comfort;, this unlucky allusion to her illusion only served to nettle her generally mild disposition, and she fled to the solemn Sahara of her room under the rose, and spent the re­ mainder of the day in saline recreation. In common parlance, "she cried her eyes out" over "Shonnie." Papa Nixy, nothing daunted, however, rapped his lapstone a terrible clip, by way of emphasis, and said to himself, "Py shimminy cracious, I'm poss, und dot con­ demptible buppy vill do veil to look oudt mit himself, or he vill run onto a shircumb- stance vat vill knock te hindsights off dot pig baste bin of hisch. Mine coddage is mine castle, by shimminy!" So papa Nixy held the castle against all odds, pursuasion, and tears; but that "wagabone" was a wily, determined lover, and despite his flashing "bastebin,"proved to be more than a match £q? the Gterman anti-Shonnie committee. CHAPTER If. Thus it went on down the pay-roll for the "gay, guiltless pair." From 6ighs to tears Trixie descended, until she landed at the mosaic work called the sulks. On "Shonnie s" side of the stage he was noted for his absence mor^ than anything else, until Cupid concluded that to smuggle notes from one trusting soul to the other wouldn't be a bad thing. The ardent lovers tumbled to the racket, and after duly installing the big brother as postman all parties were made happy. # Time went on in his tireless lope toward the mysterious bourne, and jerked the leaves off that ancient rose-vine, a hun­ dred at a time, more or less, until Cupid was compelled to retreat to the cellar. This he did with rapid flops after Miss Trixie. received a certain pansy perfumed noter, which\seemed to cap the climax and tighten the gulden chain between the home oMhe Smiths«and Castle Von Nixy. "The pent-up tide of true love was slip­ ping over the dam, which Papa Von Nixy had thrown across itB course; here a good deal and there an awful sight, until finally, one breezy night in October, it swept every vestige of the obstruction out of ex­ istence with a vengeance. And Cupid ca­ ressed his broken wing and sang of Paradise. Now in our narrative we come to John Smith as he really is; heretofore we have been viewing him as though a gin bottle. Like a bar of beaten gold the sunset light lays across the questionable tide of the Maumee, and a gray gleaming hugged the horizon, trembling in anticipation over the events to come. But the golden bar, nor the poetical gleaming as it hitched itself onto the car of night had any place in the thoughts of "Shonnie," as he folded his brave arms and looked about him, let­ ting the boat drift toward the confluence of the two rivers, which shift their sands over the toes of the byssiest city in Ingeanny. Now which John Smith this was, com­ muning with his over-yanked heart, we are not able to say, not havidg examined the city directory. But the great town clock struck the rest­ ful hour of 6 o'clock p. m., and our hero grasped the oars and muttered, "to-night, by hall the harrows Venus' little codger carries hin is quiver, hi ham going to win or lose; there's no huse 'aving my 'art hall broken hup without a cause; so 'elp me jehosephat!" Having thus poured out the red-hot lava from the fiery crater of his volcanic organ of love and hate, he pulled rapidly for the shore, feeling more like the stranded wreck pulled to the banks all over Chris­ tendom. than anything else in this precari­ ous sphere. Giving the boat-chain an extra jerk as an emphasis to his declaration of inde­ pendence, the little Englishman, adjusted his left cuff-button, and struck out on a midnight-fire-in-town amble, for the Mar­ ket street grocery, and was soon out of sight. The old fisherman, who had been watch­ ing our hero, pulled his eight-cornered hat-rim a little more to the left, spit on his bait, and wondered where "that galoot was strikin' fur, anyway." But when darkness had settle down over the city, softly and tenderly as the feath­ ered mamma prepares the trundle-bed for the downy children, and the winds went whooping down the street, and talked of the frigid hours to come, that old fisher­ man smoked his pipe alongside of that "galoot" in the spicy grocery where Her­ man Von Nixy, presided. And John Smith listened to Ju8 nobbiest yarns of the "red-hoss and sturgeon, he netted and hooked in Hoosierdom long ago;" nearer to the time when Anthony Wayne held hia picnic, and serving the "hot and hot," smoothed the thomv pathway to the happy hunting grounds for his angelic red brother he found in the wilderness, than to the tame days of present retrogression. But right in the midst of the old fisherman's most brilliant piscatorial triumph, our hero went out in the blackness of the October night; as a candle goeth out in a gust, so went John Smith, but instead of dropping into annihilation he went to reconnoiter around castle Von Nixy. It might have been that Herman knew nothing of Johnnie's wanderings in the J night time, but the way he drew down his pursy mouth at the off corner, augured differently. Perhaps ,he knew more than might have been healthy for him, had Papa Von Nixy known. „ But Von Nixy senior didn't know, and smoked away on his curiously-carved Ger­ man pipe, and chuckled to himself as to how easily he had gotten ahead of "dot schamp." Nevertheless, while he meditated and puffed away his cares in the clouds of fra­ grance, and while frau Von Nixy cuddled the last American-born cherub to sleep, the firstling of their flock was up-stairs scraping together her gew-gaws, arranging her spit-curls, and blacking her "toed i; tt said it was wise not at all timei, and, in her . „, Concluded this must be one of the Hues when silence was golden. So she spent the satin-shod hours rattling her traps together and reading a note alternately, which said,' "be ready, dear, at precisely 10 o'clock, or as soon thereafter as the old gent is asleep; but for the love of heaven don't make a move before he goes to bed. Yours for time and eternity, John Smith." True, Trixie wept a little over the pleas­ ant excitement, but "Shonnie" was hers, diamond pin, waxed mustache and all, and a Smith was as good as a Von Nixy, so why not--ah, why not? Ten o'clock found papa Von Nixy dream­ ing of his beloved Vaterland, and of the marriage of his "Drixie" with a grand German count, who owned a luxuriously appointed castle somewhere--Lord knows where--like those of the old legends he had read of, when he was a boy. And how exultingly he smiled in his dreams when he espied "dot schamp," had simmered down to only a valet in Trixie's household. But dreams go crawfishing sometimes, and at this suspicious moment in Papa Von Nixy's dreamland triumph, the real John Smith was just beneath his window, bent on a silent serenading expedition. The town-clock, faithful old monitor, notified our youngsters that it was time to "pass the countersign." Trixie pushed up the sash and let drop the gewgaws into the claws of the agile "Shonnie." Then with stealthy tread he deposited the precious bundle of the princess of the castle with the utmost caution by the gatepost, and then dodged around the cottage to the rear cellar window, and crouched down to wait and listen. Cupid's hour had come for glory on earth, and he Blung his shot-pouch on his back, ran his golden bow over his arm, and danced over the kraut tub in ecstacies. Trixie crept softly down stairs, in her stocking feet, arrayed in her Sunday best; and carrying her slippers in her hand, while Papa Von Nixy slept on, reveling in his German castle over the pond, and Mamma Von Nixy hugged up the least little birdling to her faithful bosom, and slept the unbroken sleep of the just. One step at a time, successfully meas­ ured by the nimble feet of the tricky Trixie, and she found herself in the little box of a hall below; never had the cottage stairs seemed so long to the fair-haired fraulein. Then Bhe cautiously opened the trap-door of the cellarway and glided down the half dozen steps to the bottom. With the help of the candlebox and kraut tub, on which Cupid was waltzing out his sweet life, the dauntless Trixie climbed on the top of the venerable cider-cask, and tapped with one little taper finger pp. the row of panes fastened in a rude sash, com-" posing the cellar window. Then our crouching hero gave the rude sash a wrench, and out it came, letting a draught of cold autumn air go skirmishing over the carefully-prepared toilet of the future Mrs. John Smith. "Mercy!" ejaculated Trixie. "What is it, my dearest one?" came in dulcet tones from the crouching "Shonnie." "Oh, nothing," answered the expectant bride. Thus reassured, the brave lover gathered his precious love in his great faithful arms, and gave one tremendous lurch backward, similar to the retrograde movement of a gosling, when dining on the growing hay crop. This heroic effort brought Trixie to solid terra firma; bet unluckily the final frantic flop of the little fraulien upset the cider cask, which keeled over and came down kersmash on a row of fruit cans at its frisky foot, making more noise than a tin-can escort seeing an express canine home on Sunday night. Cupid poised him­ self in the midst of the din and dust, and with a seraphic "hoop-la" followed his wards to the wedding feast. Papa Von Nixy awoke as suddenly as if a million fire-crackers had fizzed under his couch, or a dynamite explosion had up­ rooted his German castles--count and all. "Dere ish thieves in mine shellar," he shrieked. "Mien Gott vare ish mine von leedle gun, dot shoodsmit its revolushuns?" Not waiting for an answer he racked off down cellar, holding his night lamp aloft. At the trap-door the draught from the opened window whiffed out his lamp in the twinkling of an eye, and played "Greenland's Icy Mountains" with the hem of his night-shirt, with such icy fingers that a shiver went to his marrow bones. His hair stood on end as he thought that likely some one was making ready to grapple with him in the solemn night, and not being willing to die in the dark he shouted, "Gretchen, mien vife, Gretchen, the night browlers are in mien shellar; und pring me some madches right avay gwick." Reinforced by Gretchen and the luci- fers. Papa Von Nixy began investigations, but no "browlers" could he find. A half- dozen fruit-jars smashed beyond recogni­ tion, with their contents making little rivu­ lets here and there, however, met his af­ frighted gaze; then there were the careened cider receptacle and the open window to contemplate. "Veil, veil," muttered Papa Von Nixy, "it peats tefery tevful, Gretchen, vot vash schamperin' after our vinter Bub­ blies." Gretchen made no reply, and her liege ruler sputtered and bobbed this way and that, righting the commodities, not display­ ing half the agility his Drixie had in dis­ arranging them, however. Finally the window was pulled into place, and the tomato sauce scraped off his stockings by the good wife, while her husband indulged in figuratively exploring Bheol for a place for his "browlerB." Then he preceded Mrs. Von Nixy up­ stairs and went back to his slumbers and castle and count, only to be rudely awakened next morning by the news that his eldest blessing had flown through the window, upsetting their winter's store of sauce with her pink toes, and gone with "dot schamp." Ah! the still watches of the night had unroofed his castle and crumbled its walls to dust over the bones of his illustrious son-in law; and the valet, John Smith, had arisen to the august position of hus­ band of the flower of the Von Nixy cot­ tage. Papa Von Nixy sat silent and thoughtful over hia beer that morning. Mamma Von Nixy let the crystal dew of the soul bathe the baby's face, while she rocked back and forth. Herman looked guilty and sheep­ ish, and the bare rose-vines rapped the gables ominously with hard, thorny hands. Cupid had triumphed in spite of the head of Von Nixy cottage, or his patron saint. In the coarse of the day the "wagabone" came in with his wife Trixie on his arm, and Cupid smiled triumphantly on the vine with its thorns, and thought he had laughed last. The shadow of the cathedral failed this time, signally, to gather in the mixed- up greeting of the inmates of Von Nixy cottage. There were tears, there were curses, there were blessings; there was good English shying around at Fapa Von .Nixy, from Fort Smidt, there was broken German mopping "Shon- ov®r the brainpan, aid both languages rolled together promiscuously as twins or potato vines. But by the persistent efforts of the newly-fledged son-in-law, order came out of chaos after a while, and Papa waH he.ard lo exclaim: "Mein i« j ' ' i"h so mixed up mit my­ self dot I haf no notion vat dish ting ish; vether I haf losht mine fraulein, vat vash a Von Nixy, or vether I haf a son vat ish no Nixy vatover, I kandt make oudt. Mine cracious, I ish nhust disgusted mit mine memory of dc way dish vamily ish hitched up. Aline last child ish mine oldest son; veil, veil, veil! Gretchen, I shust guess dish vamiiy additions hat p'etter sthop, or else I vill be pack in mine hinafores pooty slippers." And in the fullness of her filial affection she bad told mamma Nixy of an invitation out in the evening, but concluded not to go. She did not add, as she might, that she was invited to a party, and that she was the party of the second part, and best calico disciple on the floor, and that "dot schamp" was to figure as the best gial ,fpr jroa kwidck, by shimminy." HOMELY girls, who don't believe that kissing will cure freckles, occa­ sionally try tjie experiment just to con­ vince superstitious young men that there is nothing in it. BOSTON'S Directory is the Smiths, A PANggBOUg BUSINESS. A Stcep!e-Cltmb«]r *V]]» How He Became Aecoatomed to Hia Work. With bated breath and upturned faces a large crowd stood watching a mtSi who was slowly ascending the steeple of an up-town church. He seemed to go over the delicate scaffold­ ing like a snail. The crowd below were expecting every moment to see him fall. When he reached the end of the scaffolding, and stood upon a piece of framework that looked in the distance as if it was about a foot square, he leaned far over and shouted something to another workman about half way down. The spectators shuddered, but could not take their eyes from the little climber, who had left the scaffolding and was still going up the steeple. When he reached the top he remained for a few minutes, examined the steeple on every side, and then retraced his steps. When he got safely back to the scaffold he waved his hand to the peo­ ple, and smiled. He went to the top Of the steeple several times in the course of an hour, and every time a crowd gathered. "You think it hazardous?" said the steeple-climber to a reporter when he came down to the ground. Though he looked so small when in the air, he was considerably above the average height, slim and wiry, all bone and muscle, with a clear, steady eye and hand, and perfect confidence in himself. His eyes sparkled as if he was in love with the worjf, as he continued: "People who are not used to being at great heights, and who feel dizzy when a few feet from the ground, naturally look with wonder upon a man working high up in the air, and think that he must feel as they would. I probably go on more steeples and other elevated places .to adjust ornamental designs, than any other man in the business, and I feel just as much at home standing on a narrow board 500 feet from the ground, as I would on a rock. I feel a perfect sense of safety, and never think of fall­ ing. "But I was not always without fear. When I first began the business I always started up the scaffolding with trembling legs and a quaking heart, and many times I have not gone to the top, but returned with some excuse for not going up just then. An old man who had been a climber in his day saw me on one of these occasions when my heart was weak, and gave me a bit of advice that cured my faintheartedness in time. He said when starting up always to fix your mind intently on the work you are going to do, and keep every thought of fear, or that something is going to happen, out of your mind. This was just the thing, and I have found from experience that it is think­ ing about fear that makes a man afraid, and over-caution has given many a poor fellow a tumble, where boldness and seeming recklessness would have car­ ried him through all right. There are only a few expert climbers. Hundreds quit the business in a short time, be­ cause they cannot overcome their nerv­ ous dread. I have seen stout-hearted fellows who would march up to a can­ non's mouth without a quiver, when they got to the place where the scaffold­ ing ends, and from which point they would have to 'shin' to the top, try to step up, but a ton of lead had been hooked to their foot and it would not go up an inch. "I have known men who, when they got into a ticklish spot, would have black specks come before their eyes which would move up and down in a circle, and they would fall down and hug a plank like a long-lost brother. Their heads would seem to be in a whirl. This is where a man gets 'rattled,'and it requires the greatest exercise of the will to overcome tbiw feeling. I have felt this way many times, and even now I sometimes have a sudden desire when on the pinnacle of a steeple to jump off, but I always laugh at the idea and it goes away as quickly as it comes. A man who drinks stimu­ lants is out of place on a steeple, where a false step will send him headlong a hundred feet below. So also is the fat man, for a climber must be light, agile, and muscular. Dark-haired men with swarthy faces usually make the best climbers." , "Does it prevent dizziness when going to a great height to keep the eyes turned upward?" "This is a popular notion, but there is nothing in it ex6ept that the attention is turned from the idea of falling, and this will keep a man from tumbling. But the place for the eyes is upon the road to be traveled, to see that every­ thing is in position. A high wind some­ times renders scaffolding unsafe, and if a man had his eye on the sky he would never see it." "Did you ever fall?" "I have had many narrow escapes, but only one good fall. This was about seventy feet. I had a sick child home, and was thinking about her and was absent-minded. I started off sideways between the scaffold and the steeple, and in two or three seconds I was at the bottom. I thought I would be killed, and in a second my whole life flashed through my mind and also the future of my family, and how they would all look after the children were full grown. I knew that I was bumping against the timbers of the scaffold, but there was no pain, and I was overcome apparently by a soothing influence and never had a more pleasant journey in my life. It seemed as if I was falling for hours. I • knew when I struck the bottom and felt a shock at the sudden stop, but it was not disagreeable. I had enough pain afterward, though, and it took about six months to patch up my ltxjdy. Both arms and one leg was broken. I made up my mind to give up the busi­ ness when I got well, but in a little while the old fascination came back and I went to climbing again.--N. V. Tribune. rV .1 • , ••k . V Swimming for Girls. The public are continually reminded of the numerous contrivances, supports, stays, shoulder-straps, etc., and the various exercises that are best calcu­ lated to prevent round shoulders, a stooping, awkward gait, contracted chest, and so forth; but perhaps there is no kind of' exercise for girls more calculated to attain those desirable ob­ jects than that of swimming. During the act of swimming the head is thrown back, the chest well forward, while the thorocic and respiratory muscles are in strong action, and both the upper and lower extremities are brought into full play. Indeed, in a health point of view, females would often have an ad­ vantage over the stronger sex, as, owing to the large amount of adipose tissue oovering their muscles, and the com­ parative smallness and lightness of their bones, they not only have greater powers of flotation than men, but, as a mle, can continue much longer in the Water. They are, therefore, naturally qualified to become good swimmers; and Mr. Macgregor mentions that out of thirty girls, whose in- V ."[11.jl Tpi), 11| | j||||| 1^01). twenty-five were tanght toswimin six lessons, and six of von prices. It is to be hoped, therefore, that the girls will not be debarred from learning this graceful and healthful accomplishment either through the lack of baths or of teachers. Such a practice is particu­ larly called for at the present day, as a set-off against the growing tendency in the "girls of the period" to indulge in those literary imd sedentary pur­ suits which are anything but favorable to the development of a healthv physique.--Exchange. f There fire 4,000 women in tb» Gov­ ernment departments at Washington, and some of the best-looking and mobt intelligent ladies of the capital are so employed. _ They come, as a rule, from good families. Many of them are the widows of noted Generals, the daughters of ex-Governors and ex-Congressmen, and now and then you will find the rela­ tive of a President or a Cabinet Minister. 'Many of them have traveled widely, and the great majority are educated and re­ fined ladies. They do all kinds of work and receive salaries ranging from $720 to $1,800 a year. As money counters they are much more expert than the men, and the rapidity with which they ean count, thousands upon thousands of dollars without making a mistake makes ?our brain whirl as you watch them, 'he money-counters get about $75 a month, and they count millions of dol­ lars every month. At 6he side of each one on the table lies great piles of greenbacks, done into packages as they come from the press. I am speaking now of the Redemption Bureau of the Treasury. These bills are old and dirty. The strip of paper around each package of 100 bills states where they came from, and who counted them in the country. The young lady takes this off, and, moistening her fingers with a wet sponge in front of her, she counts the bills like lightning, and, if the packages are not right, she reports so ^ to the chief, and the banks from which tlft bills come must stand the loss. ̂ The girls seldom make a mistake, and if they do so, or pass a counterfeit without noticing it, they must make the mistake good, and the amount taken out of their salary. They can tell, how­ ever, a bad bill simply by feeling it, and a bank cashier will make a hundred mistakes where they make one. Not long ago one of these young lady counters was engaged upon a lot of $100 notes. She had been dropping the scraps on the floor beside her in a pile, after verifying the count. While she was counting a package she would lay this scrap, marked with the name of the bank which sent it, on the table beside her. At last she came to a pack­ age that contained only ninety-nine notes, and on looking for the scrap was terrified to find that it had fallen among the others. She was sure she knew the name of the bank, but she could not prove it. The bank was notified and refused to acknowledge the mistake, and the poor girl was forced to pay the $100. Both sexes of clerks at Washington work in the same department, and it is often the case that young men and young women have desks side by side. There is no restriction as to their social intercourse, and it is a matter of sur­ prise to outsiders that so few marriages occur among the clerks. It is not that the girls are not good-looking, nor that they are not good, neat, and intelligent. And it is not that the men are not noble and attractive. Washington living, however, is expensive, and it is contrary to the rules of the department that two members of the same family should hold positions under the Government. The ladies in the department earn enough to keep them respectably, and they do not care to marry a man who has no larger income than themselves, and have in the end not as much pocket money as before. Many of the marriages which do take place are with men out­ side of the departments, and it is not an uncommon thing here for a good- looking clerk to marry a Congressman, a Senator, or a newspaper correspond­ ent. Mrs. Theaker, who is now Stanley Matthews' wife, was a Government clerk when she met and married Judge Theaker, & former Commissioner of Patents. Stephen A. Douglas married a department clerk, and Attorney General Brewster's wife, although phe was Robert J. Walker's daughter, was working in the departments when he fell in love with her. Languages and the "Survival of the Fittest." I come now to speak of the struggle for existence which is constantly going on between languages geographically near to one another and between dia­ lect of the same language. Unless one of the idioms is specially favored in the struggle by political circumstances, it is evident that the one which is most advanced in evolution will gain upon those which are less advanced; thisjfact can be established by many examples. Thus, in the territory which is now Prance, Latin, introduced into Gaul by a relatively small number of persons, shortly surpassed the Celtic dialect. The French language is wholly Latin, having retained from the Celtic only a few recollections in its vocabulary; but when the Germans established them­ selves in a large part of Gaul, instead of giving their language to the con­ quered population, they abandoned it in the end and adopted the neo-Latin, which afterwards became French; and the French language is no more Ger­ manic than it is Celtic. Natural selec­ tion has caused the disappearance of a considerable number of idioms. Lan­ guages which come into conflict are like groups of animals that have to struggle with one another for existence. They must gain upon their competitors, or resign themselves to disappear be­ fore them. Just as, in the contest for life and development, the best-armed races finally prevail over those which are less favored, so languages which are best served by their own aptitudes and external circumstances prevail over those whose evolutive forces is less con­ siderable, and over those which histor­ ical conditions have less well prepared for the combat. In France, the French, the ancient langue d'oil, gradually sup­ planted the langue d'oc, the Corsican, the Breton, the Flemish, and the Basque. In the British Islands, En­ glish eclipsed the Celtic languages, Irish, Scotch, Manx, and Gaelic, and will shortly have supplanted • the Cor­ nish. German has overcome a number of Slavic idioms. Another kind of selection is going on within the language itself with refer­ ence to the use of particular forms find words. In reference to this, the study of dialects is of great interest. Dialects should not be regarded as degenerate conditions of literary languages. These languages are simply fortunate dialects, whose rival dialects have been less fav­ ored. We are constantly meeting in dialects forms and words which their sister literary languages have not pre­ served ; and this fact gives dialects an important place in the study of the natural history of language.--Popular Science Monthly. THE blessings of fortune are the low­ est ; the next are the bodily advantages of strength and health, but the superla­ tive blessings, in fine, are those of the mind.--L'Estrange. FBBQUENT consideration of a tiling wears off the strangeness of it, and shows it in its several lights and vari­ ous ways of appearance to the view, of Weather Xkfin* the m&L ~ ̂ * The Rule of Hospitality. True hospitality is a thing touches the heart and never goes be yond the circle of general impulses. Entertainment with the truly hospitable man means more than the mere feeding of the body; it means an interchange of soul gifts. Still it should have its laws, as all things good must have laws to govern them. The obligation to be hospitable is a sacred one, emphasized by every moral code known to the world, and a prac­ tical outcome of the second great com­ mandment. There should never bti a guest in the house whose presence requires any considerable change in the domestio economy. % However much the circumstances of business or mutual interests may de­ mand entertaining a stranger, he should never be taken into the family circle unless he is known to be wholly worthy of a place in the sanctum sanctorum, of a social life; but when once a man is admitted to the home fireside he should be treated as if the place had been his always. The fact of an invitation gives neither host or guest the right to be master of the other's time, and does not require even a temporary sacrifice of one's en­ tire individuality or pursuits. A man should never be so much him­ self as when he entertains a friend. To stay at a friend's house beyond the time for which one is invited is to perpetrate a social robbery. To abide uninvited to a friend's home is as much a misdemeanor as borrowing his coat without his permission. It is debasing the coin of friendship to mere dross when a man attempts to make it pay his hotel bills. The fact of two men having the same occupation and interests in life gives to neither a social right to the other's bed and board. A traveling minister has no more right to go uninvited to a fel­ low-preacher's hoa.iti than a traveling shopkeeper or shoemaker has to go un­ invited to the house of his fellow-crafts­ man. Men are ordained to the ministry as preachers, teachers, and pastors, and not as private hotel-keepers. They who go into the country in sum­ mer as uninvited guests of their farmer friends, should be rated as social brigands and treated accordingly. These few social maxims are by no means to be taken as a complete code of laws. Others quite as important will spring up out of the personal experi­ ence of every reader of this article, and the justice and equity of all may be tested by that infallible standard of so­ ciety--the Golden Bule. There can be no true hospitality that in practice is a violation of this rule; and you may safely rest assured that you have given the fullest and most perfect measure of entertainment to your neighbor if you have done exactly as you would be done by.--William M. F. "Round, in Sun­ day Afternoon. The English Racing Woman. . - v Our typical racing woman, having out of the crooked answers to her cross- questions elicited what she fondly be­ lieves to be the straight tip, loses no time in endeavoring to profit by the possession of that coveted mystery, and if she has not provided herself with a professional commissioner it behooves her at once to get hold of some unwary backer who may be induced to bet for' her, as she has not yet found the cour-f, age for what she must ultimately arrive at--namely, the bearding of the book­ maker in his" ring. Very young men are as a rule morally incapable of say­ ing "No," so among youth she seeks her prey, not by any means neglecting such opportunities as may present themselves with the more experienced veterans of the turf. They, however, are not easily caught. How many gallant men have we seen, noted squires of dames, stop and hesitate on their way from the Ascot paddock, ere they take the plunge into the throng of the Royal Enclosure, carefully scanning the ground, shrewdly marking the easiest method of access to the haven where they would be--the grass platform under the rails of Tat- tersall's Ring--then with head erect and eyes fixed on vacancy marching straight through heedless of the voice of the charmer! Though many may be called in vain, one is at last captured, and he proceeds to take his instructions with the best grace he can command. This process need not necessarily be a long one, for the sum to be invested rarely except on special occasions ex­ ceeds a fiver, with perhaps an odd sov­ ereign of insurance on a second string; yet has the coerced employee, who is longing to be up and at 'em on his own account, to be oonducted carefully through the card while the lady once more discusses the chances of leading favorites; then suddenly she will point to the name of some rank outsider, and say, "But why should this not win?" The hapless youth hastily advances two or three random reasons, and is finally dismissed with strict injunctions to be sure and get good odds. Woe be to him if he does not, for the racecourse habituee loves the "top of the market," and will tolerate no paltry excuse to the effect that her own garrulity occupied the precious moments when a price might have been obtained. If the out­ sider so casually alluded to should hap­ pen to put his nose in first, the best thing the amateur commissioner can do is to keep the width of the course be­ tween himself and his fair friend for the rest of the day, unless he particularly fancies having "Didn't I tell you so?" dinned into his ears in accents of bitter reproach, and being stigmatized as the deafest of deaf adders throughout the afternoon. The one thing he can rely on with certainty is that whatever turns up he will get no thanks.--London Saturday Review A Home-Made Barometer. The following, though old to some, may be new to others, and will enable the latter to make a simple barometer for themselves: Two drachms of cam­ phor, half-drachm of pure saltpeter, half-drachm of muriate of ammonia, and two ounces of proof spirits, in a glass tube or a narrow phial, will make a very good weather guide. In dry weather the solution will remain clear. On the approach of change, minute stars will rise up in the liquid, while stArmy weather will be indicated by the very disturbed condition of the ohemical combination.--27ke ~ 'J* i<k *.t., « ',* . . •";: >>: ' THxLkHi fire-water. SIXTY in the shade-HNa old under a parasoL WOMAN'S greatest glory is her hair, and she should be very economical of it when she is cooking. THERE is-nothing like -prosperity la cover faults, and it may be that money covers more than charity. "IT'S a poor role that won't work both ways," exclaimed the boy, as he threw the ferrule at the schoolmaster** head. THE man who is pinched for' when running to catch a train is to bo pitied if he is also pinched by hit shoes. --Boston Courier. "AxWAYS aim a little higher than the mark," is good advice. We always do, but the confounded old hammer will persist in hitting the thumb nail instead of the shingle nn.il AN advertisement reads: "Wanted, a young man to be partly out of doors and partly behind the counter," andtho Cleveland Leader asks, "What will be the result when the door slams?"-- Texas Siftings. RUSTICUS--How in thunder do I get up stairs in this building? Janitor-- Go right through the hall there, and take the elevator. Bustious--Take the elevator! Gosh, I wouldn't know what to do with it.--Tid-Bits. "How is this, son-in-law; you went to the ball last night and here it it scarcely two months since you lost your wife?" "I acknowledge it, belle, mamma, but then, you know, £ dance so sadly!"--JTrench Fun. "HE has never smiled," reads the heading of a newspaper article. Not once, eh ? Does he know that a situa­ tion awaits him as editor of the humor­ ous department of any of our leading magazines?--Estelline Bell. HE--How much do you love me? She--Oh, I don't know, a thousand dollars worth, 1 'spect. How much do you love me? HE--My love for you can't be told in money, darling. She-- Can't it be told in ice cream, love?-- Detroit Free Press. A CITIZEN was basting an Anarchist from stem to gudgeon, when his friend interrupted. "Will you take that?" he said to the Anarchist. "Take it," con­ tinued the citizen; "of course he will take it. An Anarchist will take any­ thing except a bath."--Washington Critic. AT THE MATINEE.* I saw them at .the matinee; In front of me they sat; They were attentive to the play; K !V Each wore a low crowned hat. -»1 < - Yes, low crowned hate that did not hiW| - ' The actors from my view; /. With wonder I Eat stupefied, : For they were silent, too. . £ They were two maidens young «*<! Two maidens fair were they,.; And I behold them sitting theip; ' Attentive to the play. And then to think that I conld MB The stage 1 "i'was all in view. 'Twas such a great surprise to me, I scarce knew what to do. They did not chatter. Neither apoki So strange it all did seem 1 K®; I thought--but just then I awo||jfc ' And found it was a dream. , ~ --Bottcm Courier. -- ••'•.SPjii THE cashier of a business place had occasion to leave his desk one day, and he called the son of the proprietor, who was at work in another department, to take his place for an hour or two, «nJ instructed him about how to make en­ tries in the ca^a book, in case any money came inflPie receipts on one side and the disbursements on the other. The boy's father came in and wanted-- $2, which the son gave him, and when the cashier came back he found an entry in ths cash book. On one side was' this: "Took in $2 from a granger with his pants tucked in his boots." The cashier looked at the scrawl in the book, and then at the cash drawer, and said, "Well, where's the $2." The boy thought a minute, took a pencil, and wrote on the other side of the book: "Pa collared the $2." The cashier sighed, and the boy said, "Well, it bal­ ances, don't it.? What more j^ yAa want?"--Peck's Sun. Fixing It Cp. The next day after a man moved into a town in Western Dakota the Mayor called on him and said: "Just arrived from the East I "Yes." "Believe your name is Joneif* • "That's it."1 . ; "No title, I suppose?" . "None." "Of course you will want one now, but I'll tell you just how it. is; we haven't got much left to select from. We limited each title to five persons,' and we already have five colonels, five senators, five governors, five judges? and so on. We aren't quite full on majors and commodores, however, and you can take your choice." "Well, if it's customary I believe I'll take major." AH right, Major. Come on down to Judge Pott's poker parlors and Til in­ troduce you to Senator Blow, Geo. McGore, and other of our leading citi­ zens."--Estelline Bell. • He Got the Ffcss. ^ tfhe following, which is true inevtNEf particular, is too good to be lost, and we enbalm it in our columns: When Mr. R. N. Rice, who was after­ ward President of the Michigan Central Railroad, was the General Manager oi the New York Central, he reoeived hy mail an expired pass, across the back of which the holder had written in red ink; "Bless my stars t no more on the ears As a dead-head I'll ride on the ralL Unless Mr. Bice should take my advtoe And send me a pass by the mail." Without a moment's hesitation, Mr. Rice turned the pass over and traced in red ink on its face the following: "The conductor will j-.ass this bundle of gas . • , From July to the middle of Lent. . Like any other dead-head, without raying a NNtp" Let him ride to his heart's content.* The pass was never taken up, and is to-day in the hands of the family of the holder, who is now literally a dead­ head.--Drake's Traveller's Magazine. Hade to Order. Alderman--You are charged with en­ tering the complainant's tent, while camping out, with purposes of stealing. What have you to say ? Prisoner--I didn't intend to steals your Honor. I only went to see if there was anything I could do for him. Alderman--Oh, yes; then you admit that you were found in the complain­ ant's tent ? Prisoner--Yes, sir. , Alderman--Then it is for the in-tent I sentence you to sixty days.--Pitht- burgh Chronicle. 'v% A CALIFORNIA editor gratefully knowledges the rooeipt of an invitation from a subscriber to visit his house take a bath. A* MINNEAPOLIS doctor has been fused a license by the Board of Examin­ ers because he advertised :• tv.: •• ' -