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V •>: 4, - • * * * • * ? M " U,f, i, ?<\ *. , 1 raflfttltr liililllvlllyl '1. VMI mt NWitier. MCHENET, - - ILLINOia 'IWW#] it... ir fo"' 1^ ?fc$k Ai/ A LOUDON psper offered a prize for ft apolitical epitaph," and the following •lines secured the guineas: Hero lieth Joseph Chamberlain; v Alas, how late will baulk us! ' * • '• % his own patent weapon 8laia»» • The sharp, two-edged caucus.. ; , * though Joseph with hie latest f- ' ' (Sao Labonchere's last wheeze) . »:e • Scribed hi• all untimely death To catching "Bright'# diaeaae." ' "THB ex-Communist Gen. Dubisson, •was encountered by Potapoux, one of ; fci8 former aides-de-camp, in a small town in Italy. "How do you manage • to live?" inquired Potapoux. "It is \ .quite simple," answered Dubisson; "I've run across a beggar who is both blind and dumb. I follow him about, and as rlie can't see the pennies that people £ throw to Mm, I stoop and pick them up." '• A PHILADELPHIA clergyman says he 1 liaa received from $200 to a pair of juicy . spring chickens for marrying a couple. St Another received <as much as $500 for ^performing a marriage ceremony, and tells of one time marrying a young > -couple and giving them several hun- dred dollars to go to housekeeping. 'The bride was his daughter. There is one Philadelphia minister, however, •who was once paid $5,000 for tying the knot. IT is related that an Ohio widow owned a large gravel bank which a cer­ tain railroad company was very anxious to secure. Several propositions were .jmade and rejected, and the President , finally sent his private secretary down with instructions to ofler up to $14,000. The young man returned after a couple of days, and, when asked how the busi­ ness had turned out, replied : "I will accept your offer." "You?" "Exactly, I married the widow ahd own the • bank." ALVIH ADAHS, when the express busi­ ness was in its infancy, had an office and two horses in New York. One of these horses was a fine, fast animal and •he other an old broken-down nag. Packages that.were to be delivered im­ mediately he sent out behind the fast ; horse. Of goods that didn't have to be rushed he would say: "Leave them . for the old hoss." In every express office to this day there is au "old-hoss" iroom, where undelivered and unclaimed packages are kept. AN umbrella was carried off from the ^editorial rooms of a Georgia paper, and in the next number of the paper ap­ peared this paragraph: "The man "who came into my office and deliberately " stole my umbrella is worse than a thief jand meaner than an assassin, lower th.m a blackguard and uglier than a *jrazy quilt. May each rain-drop that falls upon it turn into drops of blazing ^vitriol, and each sun ray bristle with ten thousand pointed needles dipped in %crid poison to prick his putrid flesh." Miss LILLIE DEVEKEUX BLAKE is try­ ing to reason the timidity out of the women. "She said in her recent Buffalo address: A woman, in order to vote, 'does not need to be about seventeen feet high, dress in "armor and get up on 'horseback. Why, the ballot-paper is mot as heavy as the fan I hold in my band, and women who have voted have survived the operation, have gone home and been able not only to recognize their friends, but to go about their ordinary duties without experiencing any evil effects whatever." But this is -.more than can be said for many male sovereigns after visiting the polls. IT is amazing that after all that has ibeen written of the absurdity of a cer­ tain class of obituary poetry, there should still appear specimens of the worst sort in genuine death notices. The following is no worse than many • other specimens, perhaps, but every fresh instance of this sort of thing con- „ vevs anew sense of the absoluteness with which many people lack the sense of humor. . The subject of this touch­ ing poem was a boy of three years: The one we loved Has passed away. Wc tried all we could to save liim. ' But God, it seema, Wanted him the worst, And now be is safe In Heaven. This is far funnier than any imitation oould be. WHAT surprised an Englishman who came to America is that at the bars the whisky bottle is handed' across the 'counter with the request to help your­ self. He says Americans must be a sober class of people, for if that sort of thing was allowed in England the streets would be full of drunkards. "There are, however, two sides to the question. The English must not think ' that Americans do not pay for this ' liberty. In England, it is true, the "liquor is measured, but the price of a .glass of whisky in England is only from 4 to 6 cents, while in America it is 10, . 15, and 20 cents. The glasses for it in this country are so small that even if filled to the brim the quantity taken leaves the saloonist a very handsome profit. TEE richest Governors of New York • ;were Samual J. Tilden and Edwin D. Morgan. Each remembered his early ."'hump, the one devising a library at New [ Lebanon, and the other by adding a $100,000 building to Williams College. Each of these men was estimated at a half dozen millions, all made by per­ sonal effort, but in an entirely different manner. Morgan was a merchant of extraordinary enterprise and sagacity, .and became rich by vast commercial transactions. Tilden, on the other (hand, earned liberal fees, but in addition : to this he operated successfully in " stocks. I do not mean Wall Street ^ speculations so much as the facility with ; -which he secured vast amounts of stock < in new projects, which were afterward .^floated on the public. These grants which were of the highest Importance, as he was the best authority in • this specialty. His law practice was worth $50,000 a year, and he made very judicious investments. "STRAKGKR," said a strange gentle­ man, addressing the Hon. John Sher­ man on a train one day, "the conductor of this train has lost his pocket-book containing $200, and unless he finds it he is a ruined man. Now, I believe you have it in your power to relieve him of his embarrassment. In short, Senator, I believe you have that pocket-book in your valise." "Sir!" exclaimed the Senator, rising to his feet. "Pardon me, Senator, I do not accuse yon of anything. It was all a mistake." "Well, sir, let us look," said the Senator, still very indignant. The valise was thrown open, and there, sure enough, was the pocket-book. The Senator had gone to the conductor"s room to make a change of linen, and had pulled down the blinds. In the darkness he had gathered up, with the cast-off linen, the pocket-book, which the conductor had carelessly left upon the seat. It took lots of nerve for the strange gentleman to seem to accuse the Senator of theft, bnt he was so firmly convinced of the accuracy of his theory, on being made acquainted with the facts, that he undertook the task. TOMBSTONE, Arizona, has a secret society composed of yotimg men who call themselves the "Astonisliers." Their existence as a body is known to only a few select mortals aside from their own number, and those select ones are chiefly those who have been considered by them as proper subjects for the reception of their solemn rites. Whenever a man visits the community and renders himself unduly conspicuous or is believed by the Astonisliers to be a superfluous party, they hold a meet­ ing and decide to paralyze him. He is inveigled into their den at night on some pretext, and finds himself sur­ rounded by eight muscular young men, who toss him in a horse-blanket until he kicks the ceiling, after which they swab his mouth out with kerosene, hold a bottle of bi-sulphide of carbon under his nose, compel him to take a dose of castor oil, stand him up in a corner and pelt him with eggs, and slide him down a ladder on his back into a cellar half full of water. He is then given two hours to leave town, is blindfolded and taken into a dark alley, where the bandage is removed and he is told to "git." He usually gits. AT private parties in Paris a little trick is now very commonly performed which a conjuror has lately brought into vogue. A lady in the company is requested to seat herself in a bamboo chair, when Bhe is covered with a large shawl, under which the general out­ line of her figure is distinctly visible. The performer then claps his hands thrice, lifts up the shawl, and the lady has disappeared. A few days ago Vis­ count T., who had learned the trick, invited a numerous company to his house in order to experiment on his wife. Everything passed off success­ fully. The beautiful Countess sat down on the chair; she disappeared oh the third clap. Cries of "Bravo!" re­ sounded through the room, and the noble host, after reveling awhile in the general astonishment, said to his guests: "Now, ladies and gentlemen, I' shall have the honor of bringing the vanished one back to. the company." He then re­ tired into the next apartment, but as he did not come back for a long time search was made, and the poor Vis­ count M~as found lying in his bedroom, in a swoon. Her ladyship had disap­ peared--for good and all! In a letter which was found she stated that she could not live with him any longer, and had taken that opportunity to leave his house and return to her friends. A War of Extermination. To quiet an insurrection among the flies inhabiting the house which we pay a high rent per month fbr, we one day purchased a sheet of this sticky fly paper. The track on this kind of paper is supposed to be several seconds heavy for flies. The manufacturers even hint in type seven inches high that the walking on it is so exceedingly bad for flies that they will mire down and never get across. The prospect for a fly promenade on it is certainly very poor, something which they evi­ dently noticed, as they boycotted it from the start. We tried running them down and sticking them onto the paper. This was slow' and far from satisfac­ tory. We afterward .mounted the paper on the broom and slashed it around the room ten or fifteen times, and found that the plan was very successful. The first swoop brought down a costly vase which a warm political friend, who is also in the grocery business, presented us with on the occasion of our pur­ chasing a can of baking powder of him. Another wild sweep and an elegant plaque painted by our wife, and repre­ senting a pale-blue tree on a yellow- background, was in ruins. Qnr ex­ perience was that it is not difficult to exterminate the fly in this way. Mounted on a chair in the center of the parlor or drawing-room and swing­ ing the death-dealing paper about, we soon made it very uncomfortable for him amid the wreck of costly paint­ ings, the fall of the heavy lambrequin, and the general smash-up of the marble statue, the high-priced hangings, the imported chandelier, the jointed stove pipe, the plastering, and the decorated profanity. Life to the ill-starred fly on that occasion was but a hollow, howling mockery. No gleam of hope shown athwart the murky depths of the black night of despair which shut down around those flies. Every tiling pointed to a horrible death without a ray of hope. The accumulated wealth of years crashed around him, and there was no currant pie in which to hide. All was darkness, all was gloom, all was despair.--Estelline BelL 'Tis pitiful the things by which we are rich or poor--a matter of coins, coats, and carpets, a little more or less stone, or wood, or paint, the fashions of a cloak or hat; like the luck of naked Indians, of whom one is proud in the possession of a glass bead or a red feather, and the rest miserable in the want of it.--Emerson. * <y • , , <!<; i... *•» • BILL HTB. ' Be Gran Tired of Waiting fbr UM Coming Poet, ud Takes a Whack at the Mm HilTIMllf. I have been waiting patiently for the coming poet to take up and thread a theme which has for years been knock­ ing on the door of the slumbering bard and asking for admission and recogni­ tion. The slumbering bard has ignored that call. He has slumbered on. He has turned over and put a pillow in each ear, as it were, in order to avoid the loud, clamorous appeal of this theme. He has shown that he would rather continue to be the slumbering bard at his present salary than the coming poet at better pay. So I have been compelled to attune my own lyre, and, in halting numbers, handle it myself. It is out of my line to write poetry, but those who think I cannot write a poem thas will be raven­ ously snapped up and published by the American press do not thoroughly un­ derstand my true nature. Any of us may be able to write poetry, no doubt; but will it be pub­ lished? That is the test. Will it, I ask, or will it not be published ? To write true poetry, therefore, we must not do so solely to gratify, our­ selves. We should remember that tlio publisher, the editor, and the public have feelings, also. My theory has al­ ways been and still is that poetry should be so written that it will convey an idea and still not inflame the public. Inflammatory poetry is unworthy and transitory in its results. I do not know that I am making myself perfectly clear, but let those who read these lines attempt to write lucidly and learnedly on a subject of which they are entirely ignorant and they will see at once how I am hampered. But to continue the thought. I say that poetry should, in my judgment, awaken a throb in every heart. Is it not a pleasing senation for the true poet to know that he holds in his hand the consolidated throbbers of 50,000.000 people, exclusive of Tntiian^ not taxed and therefore exempt? t I believe so. It is therefore a great boon to me to realize on this pleasant morning that a mighty multitude weep together with me over the following poem, which is founded on fact. There are tears in it I know. I would spare the reader these tears if I could, but I cannot. I have run the poem through the wringer three or four times, but it is still damp. Will the reader forgive me and loan me his lachrymal glands for a few mo­ ments? The poem itself is based upon the sudden drowning of a married man who had been for years connected with the eel business. By his death his widowed wife was left with no husband. The poem seeks to disclose her woe and still reveal to the thinking mind how she muzzled her great grief and battled on through life. In the third and fourth stanzas I aim to do some fine word painting, and pre­ sent to the careful student a delicate little picture of the humid and yet hungry, moaning sea. Later on I may write some more sad poems, and finally prinf them in a small, dark blue volume that will be within the reach of all. Writing poetry with me is not irk­ some. It is not hard work. It does nbt strain my mind. In fact I can write poetry readily while using my mind for other purposes. It is not acquired in my case. It is a gift. Ever since I got jerked around in a cyclone two years ago and stepped on a peal of thunder and broke my leg and concussed my brain, I could write poetry like this: A BRAVE HEART. BEDHIUnBB ON THE DEATH CF A M1BBIH) HAH, BY A F12LXOW-8UKFKUKB. r. Out where the blue waves ccme and go Out where the zephyrs kiss the strand, Down where damp tides ebb and flow, Down where the ocean monkeys with the nod, Williaiii, the hungry, rustles for his meal, 81im William, the eeiist, (.athers the eel. Up where the Johnny-Jump-Ups smile, Up where the green bills meet the sky, Whore, out from her window for many a She watches the blue sea dimpling lie, The wife of the eelist, with visage grim, tits in the gloaming and watches for him. Down in the mo'st and moaning sea, Down where the day can never come. With staring eyes that ea-i never see And lips that will ever continue dumb, With eels in bis breast, in a largo wet wave, William is filling a watery grave. IV. Up wh?re the catnip is breathing bard, Up where the tanzy is flecked with dew, Where the vesi^er soft as the onion peels Wakens the echoes the twilight through. The new-made widow still watclus the bhore And (its there and/waits as I said before, v. They come and tell her the pitiful tale, With trembling voice and t<»ar-dimmed eye, They watch lier chcek grow slightly pale, 1 Yet wonder at the calm reply : "All our t ars are but idle, gentlemen, Go bring in the eels and set htm again." BILL KYB. W. ' , •Ml , A Woman's Premonition of Poverty. A lady whom I M ould not care to an­ noy by giving her name, the wife of a merchant doing a considerable business in a country town between Cleveland and Toledo, from being a lively and vivacious companion among her lady friends, became all at once a recluse, and whenever she chanced to meet an acquaintance she wore so solemn a countenance as to attract no inconsid­ erable attention, and at last her old friends began to indulge in remarks about the wonderful change that had come over her. She one day visited a friend who had known her all her days, and this friend insisted on knowing what great calamity had wrought such & change in her deportment. After a slight pause, the lady answered by say­ ing that she did not really know. It was not a dream, nor was it a vision. It came to her partly in the form of one and partly in the form of the other; not when she was sleeping nor yet when she was broad awake, but when she was in a sort of doze. It was as vivid as any dream, and impressed itself upon her brain as firmly as if she had beheld it with her own eyes when broad awake. It had come to her not once or twice, but many times, and always the same, the same in the beginning and the same in the ending. By it she had become fully impressed with the idea that her LmsUand was in some way to be nearly but not quite killed, and that in this condition he was to remain on and on, neither fully living, nor yet entirely dead, his property constantly wasting, his temper becoming morose and ngly, until at last, as age came upon her and she required repose, his support and her own would devolve entirely upon her own feel >le efforts. This, in short, was her story, the cause of all her woe. Her friend tried to persuade her that it was all an illusion, aud urged her to banish the thought from her mind and cheer up. Bnt it was all in vain. Time passed on--only a short time--when one day a clerk rushed to the house with the fearful but not unexpected an­ nouncement that the merchant was dy­ ing, and that some men were bringing him home. He had be n stricken with paralysis, and from his hips to his toes was not materially different from a dead -»5t, . >. . < a * ,, %• * ' t- >*- r At ? ^ • man. And Urns hft remained. ffig property, somewhat incumbered, was not long in being wasted, and step by step the poor woman saw only tbe in­ evitable, and prepared for it as best she could by taking in work from her neighbors, many of whom a few years before were but too happy to perform a similar service for the merchant's wife.--Cleveland Leader. Adviee from a Creole MotlNr. A Picayune reporter has been per­ mitted to copy for publication the fol­ lowing rules: Encourage strict confidence with your husband; withhold nothing from him, and be patient in hearing all he would confide to you, that he may always fly to you as his counselor and best friend. Be punctual to a second in all engage­ ments with your husband, and he will be the same with you, and in thus doing you will avoid much that is unpleasant. A failure, in this important though apparently trifling matter frequently leads to great unhappiness. It is to be essentially regarded. Practice economy in taking care of what you have, keeping a strict account of what you spend, buying nothing but what you pay for immediately, and making your account of each month's expenses show you have more than you have spent. Be your husband's cash­ ier, and surprise him at the year's end by a sum laid away for investment. He will deem you a good repository and make you the complete sharer of his business affairs. This is a great way to win a man's respect, to make him feel he has a little savings bank upon which he can rely in time of sickness or finan­ cial difficulty. Rule only by love. If you find a va­ cant place in your heart, a yearning for something greater, try and try each day to probe the cause, tirst look within and see if the cause in some way be not with yourself.' Strive to call "out the best feelings of your husband's nature with continual loving attentions, which, though they may be small in them­ selves, make such a strong chain around his heart in time that he cannot turn carelessly aside from you. Show him your heart, without foolish pride--it is all his--and let him know you need all of his encouragement and affection to be all you desire to him. This rule, well attended in the commencement of married life, marks most always a per­ fect uuion. Go out always with your husband, but manage to make home so attractive that he finds no place so dear. Dress better for your husband than for any one else. Take ,a pride in his appearance, that he nvay judge your heart by his own. Never allow him to see yon slatternly attired. Even be tasty in a kitchen dress or looking pretty over a biscuit board. A woman often is as charming in a working suit, if she understands the art and necessity for being so. Take pains in thia. Be strong in your determination never to gossip, to harshly criticise. Keep a strict guard over youi1 tongue when you would speak unkindly of another. This is ennobling to character and will ele­ vate husband and wife. Nothing men so much despise as gossip; nothing makes a woman rise so much in a good man's estimation as to see her charit­ able, particularly with her own sex. "For large charity does never soil, but only whitens soft white hands." Seek to elevate your husband's heart, you will keep his respoct as well as affection. • Strict temperance must be the order of your home. Set a go&d example to all; exclude even wine from your table, never taking the social glass in your hand; be your husband's strong guide, his guardian angeL Put down your book when your hus­ band enters the room, and interest your­ self in whatever pleases him, seeking also to bring him over to your tastes. Try for mutual concession, else you may travel different roads. Never bother your husband about the servants. Cast aside disagreeable top­ ics when he returns from business. Give your orders to your servants kindly, but firmly, exacting obedience, yet showing them the encouragement of consideration whenever it is in your power. Never keep late hours. Rise early, that your husband be not disor­ ganized.--New Orleans Picayune. What We Eat. " 1 An article recently published in the American Chemist in regard to the adulteration of food is calculated to make a hungry tramp pause before ac­ cepting an invitation to a banquet. The high priced champagne that causes a flow of wit and a bad taste in the mouth next morning, is not what it is claims to be. It is the combination of cheap Jersey cider and carbonic acid that gives the gentlemen in full even­ ing costume chronic dyspepsia and makes him hope the gruel war will soon be over. • As a general thing, German mustard is so badly decomposed that the coroner should be notified. It is, moreover, made of the cheapest materials. In regard to genuine pepper, it may be recognized by the buyer not finding it for sale in any of the stores. Pulver­ ized cocoanut shell combined with fla­ voring extracts is what masquerades as genuine pepper. French brandy is so-called because it is neither French nor brandy. It con­ sists principally of poor whisky flavored with poison, that would eat a hole through a plate of sheet iron. It has as much kick in it as a mule, abd "the mouth iftid elbow wrestlers," as inebri­ ates are now called, who indulge in it find themselves in as dangerous a posi­ tion as the man who is trying to learn to ride a bicycle. The smoker who pays fifteen cents for a cigar imagines no doubt that he is getting tobacco. This is mostly a de­ lusion. As for cigarettes most of them could be used for poisoning rats. The chewer of tobacco has no idea of what an "incliewrious" habit it really is.-- Texas Si/tings. A Literary SnrrivaL The Gothic, or Runic, alphabet was called the "Futhorc," from the first six letters,--F, u, TH, o, R, C. The third rune (TH), which somewhat resembles V and came from the Greek D, survived in English literature until the last century, and is occasionally used to-day when people wish to write in an old-fashioned style. And they are apt to make a curious mistake in its pronunciation. This rune remained in Irish and Anglo- Saxon for the sound TH, and in England it was preserved longest in the word "TIIE," because that word occurs very often, and it was easier to write one letter than two. But in the course of time it came to be mistaken for Y; and, although our ancestors knew better than to pronounce it like Y, their descend­ ants do not, but usually give this appar­ ent Y the sound of the real Y, making YE'S out of all the THE*S. They do not know that this is a survival of a rune almost to the present generation.-- Henry Eckford, in St Nicholas. . Wi*. •• , .•*«¥-* i, • PEOPLE W AFFAIBS. , Balera of the Bassian Empif*. The Emperor of Bussia is the &ntr&l figure in the negotiations and? intrigues now in progress in Europe, and in which such immense possibilities of war and bloodshed are involved. Alexander III. is a Boman- off, this being the name of the family whose representatives have been the reign­ ing power in Russia since Ihe early part of the seventeenth century, and have indeed been the most conspicuous rulers of Russia since the Tartar invasion. The first of the Romanoff dynasty was Michael Fedorovitch, who was the grandfather of Peter the A WASHINGTON ir' x* v. V///.V .VVWfca Great, one of the most prominent figures in the world's history. The family also numbered among its members Alexander I., who was the first to break the power of Napoleon, and followed the latter to Paris. II} on the monument on the bnttle-field of Borodino is the following inscription: "Na­ poleon entered Moscow 1812, Alexander entered Paris 1814." Alexander III., the present Emperor and Autocrat of all the Russias, succeeded to the throne after the murder of his father by Nihilist conspir­ ators, 51 arch 13, 1881. Alexander III. was born March 10, 1845, and since his eleva­ tion to the throne, has seldom appeared in public, hut has lived in the closest retire­ ment at Gatchina. He wns crowned at Moscow, May 27, 1883, amid great pomp and splendor, and the coronation exercises were chronicled even to the slightest de­ tails by the newspapers at the time. He is noted for his sympathy with the old Rus­ sian party who are prejudiced against all foreigners. His younger brother, the Grand Duke Alexis, visited the United States in 1871, and was received. with the greatest eclat. i The Czarina of Bussia, Marie Feodorovna (formerly Mary Sophia Frederics Dag- mar), is the daughter of Christian IX. and Queen Louise of Denmark. She was mar­ ried to Alexander III. in the year 1866. Her father, Christian IX., in seeking this alliance for his daughter Marie Feodor­ ovna, knew that he was securing her the position of reigning over the largest em­ pire in the whole woild, European Bussia alone comprising a vast area, without tak­ ing in Asiatic Russia, which itself com­ poses several immense domains and prov­ inces, including Siberia. Three children have been the result of this marriage be­ tween Alexander and the Empress, all of th m being sons. The Grand Duke Nicho­ las Alexandrovitch, who was born on May 18, 1868, is heir apparent to the crown and throne. He is in very delicate health, and fears are entertaiued as to his ever living to be come the successor to the throne. The Minister to Colombia. 1*9 appointment of Dabney H. Maury to be United States Envoy and Minister Plenipotentiary to the United States of Colombia was announced by the President to the Senate during the latter part of the last session. The Senate failed to act upon his confirmation, the matter going over till tbe next meeting of the body. The country Which Mr. Maury is accredited is a re­ public in the northwestern part of South America, and consists of nine States. It is through the territory of this republio that the great Panama Canal is to run. Mr. Maury's official residence will be at Bogota, the capital, a fine city of a hundred thou­ sand inhabitants. GUILELESS SAVAGES. Where Afric'i Sunny Fountains BOll Dm the Golden Sand. [London cablegram.] Details have been received of the misaa- <cre of native Christians of Uganda. Af!riea. by the order of King Mwanga. The massacre began in Jun*>, and was directly due to the refusal of a Christian lad acting as the kind's page to commit a crime. Many Christians were tortured, mutilated, and speared, and th rty-two were burnt alsve to­ gether. The appeals of the missi naries for a cessation of the atrocities were un­ availing. The fate of these unfortunates did not serve to frighten candidates for baptism, and wi hin a week after the mas­ sacre many natives were baptized at their own de ire. Leaflets containing extracts from the Scripture, prayers, a- d hymns in the Uganda language are freely bong'.t by the people, a thotigh their possession in­ volves danger of punishment. The di-ry of Bishop Hanmngton, who was put to death by the King, wiJl soon be published in London. It is a thrilling and pathetic narrative of his experiences in Uganda up to the day of his death. Explaining Why There WanlolKaaj Surprises in the Baeeat - - Elections, -P? 1 • P Deotemttie Dismay Over Ifarifttlft Defeat--Carlisle's Clase CalL • [Washington telegram to Chicago Trflnma.] The outcome of the election has been discussecF here chiefly with reference to the Cleveland administration. Outside of a few parasites who would never be able to gee defeat, the ver­ dict to-night is that eighteen months of Demo­ cratic rule have not strengthened either the President or his party. Thia is said with the knowledge that the administration plans for capturing the United States Senate have mis­ carried, and without certainty whether the Democrats will be in the majority or in the minority in the National House of Repre­ sentatives. The lcoal papers, which take their tone from the administration and are never un­ kind enough to say things that would not be liked at the White House, are discreetly siient. This is only one of the many signs which show that there is profound disgruntlement in ad­ ministration circles. The people who echo what the White Honse tenant wishes the public to believe were apologising and explaining the day long, trying to make out that it wasn't so much of a cycione after all. The eagt mess with whicn tnese ex­ planations were pressed «ave rise to a suspicion that there was something bactt of them. Cliauce .Republican losses, dua to off-year accidents, were seized upon to show that there was really SO significance in the upheavals that had taken place among the Democrats, because their op- ponouts had also met with surprises, it was remarked, however, that those supposed to be* nearest both Mr. Cleveland and Secretary Man­ ning Had little to say about the barren victory in New York Stata and City. he success of Peckham for the Judgeship was accompanied by such evidences of dissatisfaction that there was little to boast of, especially since the scheme to capture the Legislature has failed, Tne election of an nnti-Administration Demo­ crat for Mayor, admittedly liv the votes of Ke- publ.c.ins who were scared by the George phantom, had little of benefit for the future in view of the Labor votes. The signittcaut spoech of George, in which he hinted at what might be done hereafter, taken with the reports from the New York politicians of the marvelous organization of the Labor movement, gives the gravest concern for the Presidential year. In one or two instances Mr. Cleveland was aole to And unalloyed grains of comfort. The success of the mugwumps in gaining two Congressmen in Massachu­ setts was the chief theme of rejoicing. With plenty ct money at their back and a careless Republican organization they made a dashing tight and won substantial trophies. The election of Leopold Morse over Bauuey gave huge delight to both Mr. Cleve­ land and Attorney General Garland. Bauney was the author of the stinging rej>ort on the Pan-Electric statesmanship of the administra­ tion. Mr. Cleveland's supporters also seemed to look upon the reported gain of Democratie Congressmen in Minnesota as a personal triumph for him. Republicans in Washington, viewing the re­ sult <;f the elections in their entirety, are in­ tensely gratified They And that a vantage Jround lias been gained for 1888, and tho un-crcurrent of talk among the Democratic poli­ ticians is tbe same. The notable feature which receives the most comment is the evidence that the Prohibition alliance with the Democrats, except in isolated instances, failed to accom­ plish the deieat of Republicans. The failure of the Democrats to manipulate the Labor vota is almost equally significant. This is clearly brought out in the 1-ennsylvauia contest. An ligly and determined effort wss made there to defeat General Beaver by throwing a large Prohibition vote to Wolfe, the leader of the Independents, who did succeed in de­ feating Reaver when he was a candidate for Governor four years ago. The Prohibitionists were kept in funds and made a systematic campaign. Then the Democratic State Ct ntral Committee had planned the capture of the KnightH of Labor in a body for Chauncey Black. In addition to this the Democrats had the ac­ tive support of the National administration, which turned over the patronage of the State to Randall. But Beaver was elected by an old- fashioned majority and all the side-issues failed. The judgment of experienced politicians here spems to be that the result in Pennsvlvai- hi a is even more significant than the disaster which overtook the Democrats in the Congres­ sional districts. Coining down to individual contests, an ex­ traordinary sensation has been caused by the defeat of Morrison and the close shave Carlisle is reported to have had. ThiB morning the anti-protection Democrats were gleeful over the impression that of the thirty-four Democrats who voted against the Morrison Tariff bill at least two-thirds would not be in the next Con­ gress. The defeat of Frank Hurd with a sui>- posed majority of i!,000 back of him had temper­ ed their enthusiasm a little, but this was tbe worst disaster they looked for. But when a bulletin announced'that Speaker Carlisle s ma­ jority of ll.iXK) was dwindling down so rapidly that the district was in doubt it was thought the bulletin must be a forgery. The telegrams of in­ quiry sent by solicitous friends proved that tne Speaker was really having a close call. The news was hardly spread till the report of M rrrison's prjbable defeat got abroad. Tlia Waterloo Congressman's following resolutely refused to believe that he was in any danger, and they \Acre encouraged by the advices from St. Louis that he had pulled through by 501). These were soon discredited by dispatches from Democrats in the district admitting that there was little hope. Since tho news has been confirmed this evening that tho Democratic leader of the House is really beaten his tariS- . reform supiiorters are stunned. They don't want to believe it. The protection contin­ gent of the Democracy is not so incredulous. Morrison's rejection and Carlisle's narrow escape it accents as au absolute disavowal of their constituents of the Morrison-Carlisle plan of tariff revision. Force is added to this cluim by the explanation made of the earth­ quake which swallowed up tho Virginia l?our. boils. The Virginians declare their losses are directly traceable to two causes--the unpopu­ larity of the Cleveland administration and the att.tude of the majority in the House, under the lead of Morrison, against wiping out the internal revenue system of taxation. The dis­ aster means, they say, that taxation must be cut down according to the Randall plan. The reason given by the Morrison and Carlisle people, who will'not allow that the tariff h d anything to do with the Democratic backslid­ ing in their respective districts, is simply the unpopularity of the Cleveland administration. They say that both men, by virtue of their position, were forced to support the President in certain lines of policy which was against their better judgment. The Democrats of Kentucky and Southern Illinois, not liking this, gave voiie to their disap­ proval. It is curious to hear the Hoosier Dem­ ocrats talking the same way. In order t-j save Indiana tho President made the most debasing compromise that has yet marked his adminis­ tration. Though the Civil-Service Reform Asso­ ciation pleaded earnestly that an example might be made of the notorious violators of tho law, he turned a deaf ear to it. The Hoosier Demo cratic nianagors were given to understand that their manipulation of Federal patronage would not be interfered with, and it was not. All the Democratic candidates from Holman down were grateful, and got themselves interviewed about the President's popularity in their re­ spective districts. Nevertheless, to-day, when the disheartening reports came in, thay were unanimous in saying that thj milk-and-water admiuistrat;on did it. A bulletin that Holman , was being pressed by Lucas started the oaths, anutney came thick and fast. There is one DemocraUc candidate, however, who is grateful for the President's tolerance of civil-service vio­ lations and who will hold the administration responsible for his own defeat. But ne doesn't live in Indiana. His name is A. K. Delaney, ard a few days ago he expected to resign his District Attorneyship next March, in order to become a member of Congress. His resignation was sent in after the nomination, simply BB a formality. This afternoon Sir. Delaney tele­ graphed Attorney General Garland • "I am out of politics. Please withdraw resignation " This is a good illustration of tbe reform administra­ tion which allows resignations with a string to them. ft Weak Spots. Every one has his pet superstition, queer superstitions prevailed among bar­ barous nations. Their fantasies however, are no more ridiculous than many prevail­ ing amon? the wisest and gravest of the present civilization. The most judicious person you know will, within an hoar of confidential chat, surprise you by disclosing something of this sort. One of Chicago's most brilliant members of the bar--legal bar -tarries a horse-chestnut in his pocket. He is sure of its r medial properties for rheumatism. A prominent Board of Trade man never makes a sale on the thirteenth of a month. He is certain it would be disastrous for him to do so. Science has its fantasies, theology and metaphysics their inherited follies. A lawyer is thrown in horror at tiie si-lit of a plai ly written, in good English, will. The absence of whereas-es and in-as-much-as- es, give* him a tit of indigestion. A phy­ sician who would lie compelled to write a prescription in plain handwriting would expect his patient to surely never recover. There are men and women among us who have as much faith in charms and amulets, lucky stones and magic spells, as the African has in his fetich. ---Mate. Hastrieter, of Chicago !̂ now with the Mapleson land, seems to be i there as she did here while with fbej can Opera Company. The eiifie* Cork Constitution credits htrwitlil saved a recent perfermanee of *11 tore" from being hissed. --A cat at Galena climbed a tree tempted to pounce npon a group of 1 sparrows which were sitting on • The sparrows attacked their enei their bills, and soon it was hundreds of angry birds. The sparrows compelled the cat to jump to the gnmni. They pursued ft, peeked oat its eyes, Midi finally killed it. ? --Miss Nellie Stagey beautiful and popular, the youngest daughter of the hie General Anson Stager, of Chicago, is en­ gaged to Lord James Arthnr Wellia |̂i Foley Butler, brother and presumpChr* heir to the Marquis of Orniond, peerage ^ Ireland, and Baron Orrnond, peerage of Great Britain. Lord Butler's family is of the oldest in the Irish peerage, seventeen years older than Miss Si He is wealthy and a writer on the question. Miss Stager is not quite 3ft. With her sister, Mrs. Ralph Hiekox, of Cleveland, she has been visiting in Gl|Mt Britain and the continent the past The marriage is expected to occur next year. SCHOOLS IX NXNFOM. Over One Million Pupils of School "Agp More than Twenty ThonnM TeMlwrt, The S ate Superintendent of Public In­ struction has published his annual report of public schools of Illinois for the vear 1885-6. This report is prepared from fcefet and reliable statistics collected from vatiSiii sources, and contains many interesting figures regarding the condition of the pttb- lic and private schools of Illinois for the year ended June 30, 188(i. The following are the most interesting features of tbe re­ port: CENSUS or MINORS. Number of males under <1 years of ag». UMVI Number of females under *1 years at •ge 904,290 Total 1,094,961 crastra or rmnom or soawt ui, Number of males between the ages of 6 and ->1 566,096 Number of females between the ages of 6 and 21 M0,MS >0% - "i Total ..MK.SI0 SCHOOL DISTRICTS, Number of districts having no schools.. 98 Number of districts having school leaa than 110 days .̂... St, Number of districts having school 110 days or more rl I.C0 Total 11,094 ' SCHOOLS. Number of graded schools in township • 1,964 Number of ungraded schools ia town­ ship.. MkTM Total 12,138 MONTHS OF SCHOOL. S Number of months graded schools were to session n,wr N>mbor of months ungraded schools were 5 In session.,....,. 76,878 • Total ........j....... 88,579 KSRomrBm'. Number of male pupils enrolled in graded schools .179,490 Number of female pupils enrolled in grad­ ed schools 178,771 Number of male pupils enrolled in un­ graded schools 907,819 Number of female pnpils enrolled hi un­ graded schools .191,971 • Total......; ,. ."..R?rt.,.74&MS TEjJbHERS. *"*• Number of male teachers employed in " graded schools. t,9Kt Number of female teachers euiployed in graded schools m.. "$,839" Number of male teachers employed in ungraded schools 5,490 Number of female teachers employed in ungr-ulcd schools........i 8,990 Total S0.84J ! M0NTH8 TAUGHT. Number of months t&uqht by male teaoh- ers in graded schools 9,969 Months taught by female teachers in graded sc ?ools 4S^<M Mouths tnught by male teuehera in un- grrulo.l schools i 31,881 Months taught by female teachers in on- graded schools 44,901 Total 136,533 DAYS' ATTKKOAJICB. Bays' attendance in graded schools 45,308,214 Days' attendance in ungraded schools.31.172,849 Total .njA6l,u£6 Number of high schools ' ]69 SCH OL-1IOUSES. Number of stono school-houses............ 104 Number of brick school-houses....**...^-*; 1,387 Number of frame school-houses. .,10,Mi Number of log school-houses .:i......,| m Total Number of school-houses built during the year. 990 LIBRARIES. Number of districts having school libra­ ries 1,080 Number of volumes bought for libraries during the year 19,440 Total number of volumes now in school libraries ltMSt PRIVATE SCHOOLS. Number of private schools in thatown- sh p 0S0 Number of male pupils in private schools. 44.SSO Number of female .pupils in private schools 46,690 Total. "01,957 Number of male teachers in -private schools 880 v Number of female teachers In private / schools..¥ 1,414 • ..i:\ 9£0» . 9300.00 S17.S0 - :M 10JJ0 Total............ .... uiisus,arc. , Highest monthly wages paid any male teacher # Highest monthly wages paid an*; female te icher £ Lowest moi.thlv wages paid any- male teacher Lowest monthly wages paid any* female teacher 8.CO Average wam-s earned by male. •.. teachers duriug the year ; - J Sill Avenge wayes earned by female teachers during the year.. "v^4U$- Amount of district tux levy for all school purjK'ses.niade August. 1885 £,300,'?93.99 Estimated value of school j.ro;>'. rty 2J,899,435.00 Estimated value of s hool libruri s. 139,713.00 Estimated value of school appa­ ratus 971,019.90 Amount of bonded school debt..... receipts. __ Knii'uce srmx>ried on hand June JU, 1S83 99,194,497.80 ' ! From distribution of Trustees Special district taxes, including railroad and back taxes Loans of district funds paid in Fees of pupils who pay tuition From sale of so ho 1 property From di trict bonds or notes issued for building purposes and to re­ fund bonds From Treasurers of other town* ships Fees of transferred pnpfls From other sources. 1, ^999,041.79 8G.401.it 38.7rai.86 17,411.40 stfjeMt •9^*M4 4,439.13 74JT83.00 14^33.64 Total balance and receipts 912,442,906.17 EXPENDITURES. paid male teachers in graded scl-o>ls S8S7,OT.« rai'l male teachers in ungraded schools 1,397,735.17 Paid female teachers in graded tiehoo's Paid f>ma!e teachers in on graded schools 7. 1.437,8'S.SS Total paid teachers Taid for new schcol-houses tad bouses purchased Paid for sites and grounds Paid for r pairs and improvements Paid.for sonool furniture Paid for school a oMirntus.......... Paid for 1*H»!;S for poor children... Pa d for Uo\8 for district libraries Paid fi-r fuel, janitors, insurance, und other incidental ex; enses Paid for services of clerks ol dis­ trict board* P:;id inter; st on district lwrts Paid j'nncipal of district l>on's Prtid tuition of ptip:!s transferred.. Pa d treasurers of other townships. lithfi eNpeuditures ......j,...,. M iscel laiieous .... i v.*. i. SU3a.811.40 9Fl.6S4.ai IS 1,344.70 1^,??3.34 e»,9!7.*T SMWU5 S.S1X46 LttSjaOlTl sa.oos.ai Total exj enditttfes^i.Jt 1 ;,l:»\OS8,9t Amount of loans of district f' nds.. 3tUKM.3$ Cash ha'ame on hand June 'i >, 183S 9C9yiH,tM Total expenditures, loans, tad balane s tl.'.mmit TOW\ • 1- S'-IR*. 1. FUftO. Au-ottut of town i io school fund.-.$l>,t'J7.lS(».® Income of township school fund... -'V