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the Bears. For some weeks past Shinbone : Smallman and Hardtack Johnson have *J( t -i:«|a|ed in an enmity which bade fare f. end in bloodshed. It came about fs tinroogh a dispute on a biblical ques- *4 Won. Shinbone said that he didn t be- ypfil llaW My bears came out and ate up i *\ * the children who shouted after Elisha. Hardtack replied that any man who ^ ^disputed the statement was either a fool ^ *" or an atheist, and thus the gulf open- * ed. Several mutual friends haVe ' sought to arbitrate, but Shinbone was - Inn and Hardluck was determined. • They ignored each other's existence, [ Mid their wives and children made faces at each other over the fence. It had been wKispered around all the ; week that Brother Gardner would , bring about a reconciliation at the Saturday night session, and every face rerv lace . him as in the hall was turned toward •' . he arose and said: §"How much we know dat we doan' t know 'tall and 'kin nebber find out! »Dc aiverage man will bet mo' money §^&|on bis ignorance dan on his true know- * ledge, an' he will fight for a lie as soon 4 ias de troof. I see Brudders Smallman #' * an1 Johnson back dar by de fluted J icolumn. Boafe of 'cm will please Iretrograde to the front." , ; The two gentlemen named indulged . V in two magnificent starts of surprise, - 3/M"tted their teeth at each other, and , ' - fcdvanced to the president's desk in v: single file. ••Shinbone," said Brother Garduer, •When they stood before him, "do you Jbelieve de b'ars ate up de chil'en dat followed 'Lisha?" ' "No, sah." . • "J1 "Why doan* yonlRt/ *'Kase I doan'." "Hardluck, do you believe de b'ars ate the chiU'en up?" ' "Yes, sah." *** • * "Why do you believe ill*' "Kase I do." "I expected dis was de case. Fools an' bigots believe bekase dey believe. It hain't bekase dey havasense an' rea­ son on deir side, but simply bekase dey have made up deir minds to a sartin thing. One of you believe de b'ars ate de chiU'en bekase vou've heard so. De todder one believe it bekase he didn't see it done. Now, dis 'ere ftilishness has got to stop! It has got to stop V right yere an now! Hold out ver paws to each odder. Now shake, ifow .go an' sot down, an' when you go home arter de meetin' tell yer wives dat de match has bin declared off an' de countrv am safe. By-law 6,491 for­ bids any disputes on religus subjeks. You have laid yerselves liable to a fine of $13,009 cash, and if you don't walk powerful straight fur de nex six montlis sunthin will happen to upset yer peace of mind." The two members returned to their seats and began to smile and --hisper to each other and inside of three min­ utes had traded jack-knives and ex­ changed gum. "I should like to ask de cha'r," said Rev. Henstock, as he arose, "if he ;• meant to use de expreshun he did of: •Please retrograde to de front?'" "De cha'r did, sah!" "Yes--um--yes! Retrograde to de front!" "Dat's what I said, sah, an' de cha'r meant it If de cha'r had meant for . 'em to disrupt to de rear he would ^ have said so. What am de pint you wish to raise?" Dat de expreshun was not classic­ ally W O N D E l ? F U L SUCCESS. BOONOni IS WEALTH. -Alt the PATTERNS yon wish to nw during th, mr for nothing (a paving of from $3.00 to $4.00) fcy HuiMcribing for THE PLAINDEALER •'••MB-- PEMORCST'S'"-*̂ • mSSty TVla^a^ine With Tw.lv. Orders for Cut P»Morn» of your own selection and of My size. BOTH PUBLICATIONS, ONE YEAR, $3.00 (THREE* DOLLARS). EMOREST'S * THE BES Of all the Maoazlnes. CONTAINING STORIES, PORMS, AND OTHER LITKRASV ATTRACTIONS, COMBINING AUTISTIC, SCIEN­ TIFIC, AND IIOI'SKIIOUI MATTERS. ninntrnted trith Original Steel £*tgrat­ ings, Photoffr&rttres, Oil J'icfHm ntul /IHI> H'oottcutf, makinf/ it the Model Maffm. CIK.* of America. Each Magazine contains a coupon order entitling the holder to the yelcciJon of *nv pattern illustrated in tho fashion department, iu Mutt nnmlxr, and in •iiv of the 8ir.es manufactured, mnkinir pattern, during the v.'»r of the value of over three dollar*, DKMOKfiST'S MONTHLY is justly entitled th« World's Model Magazine. The Largest in Form. th. Largest in Circulation, and the best TWO Dollar Family 'M»im*inc i.«sned. l&s will he the Twenty- third re*ir of its pr.MieAtion. It is continually im* proved and so extensively as to place it at the head of Family Periodicals, it con'ains 72 pagrs. larse qn*rtt\ sVzllU inches, el<S5T»utly printed and fully illustrated. Published by W. Jcnuiiifa Deniorest, New York, AND BY SPECIAL AGREEMENT COMBINED WITH Tlu PlaiMealer at $100 Per Tear, D WEST SIDE L I. LINCOLK, Prop. Having recently refitted my Restaurant, near the Depot, In first class style. I am now prepared to accommodate the public with Warm or Cold Meals, Hot At all hoars of the dav or evening. Ooffee or lea oa five minutes notice. A FULL STOpK Of Baker's Supplies, ALWAYS ON HAND. Fruits, of ill Ms, IN THEIR SEASON. Choice By tk« Suit* Can or Dish. Aim the Choicest Brands of Cigars and Tobacco to be foun'l in the market. With everything in lirst class order, and promptness to wait upon customers we solicit | a share of public patronage. L. D. LINCOLN. West McHenry, Mfj 31st. 1887. ly nor grammatically correct." I A /^TT A 1VT I ^ "Brudder Penstock you sot down, I h\ 1 I-1 b\ I \ I "T i* doan' you be ober fo' minits fiittin' I •*--1' an dar! Dis club doan' do business on de classically or gramatically basis. We seek to speak so plainly da't everybody kin understan'. 'Bout de time we orter have bin in college, bitin' off hull hunks of wisdom from de branches of de tree of eddecashun, we was handlin' de cotton hoe an' workin' in de sugar­ cane, an' we isn't to blame fur it. Yes, sah, sot right down, an' stay sot, an' de secretary will enter a fine of $7,000 •gin you fur disturbin' de harmony of de meetin'."--Detroit FreePretb The Traditions of Feathers. Who can imagine a gallant cavalier 1 «NM» nlllfln hmo» ""I"" OFF tO the WEST McMENRY* InC' . Wilbur Lumber Oompanv, will now devote their entire attention to the saie of of **ye olden time' % • m p&:: going ng ph capP Why, its absence would tirely mar the effect that the knight would scarcely seem worth one's ad­ miration! Lonj* before the age of chivalry quaint ideas were extant re­ garding feathers, and some of our well-known sayings owe their origin to the waving plumes. "To plume one's self" comes from the Hungarians, who placed in their caps a feather for eacn Turk killed, and therefore were decorated accord­ ing to valor. The use of the white feather as a sign of withdrawal from a contest or as a truce undoubtedly arose from the fact that in leaving the field the white feathers were most easily seen. The sending of a white feather to one who intended fighting meant usually a warning from some friend that discretion would be the better part of valor. The question has often been asked why the feathers of the peacock, beau­ tiful as they are, have the reputation of bringing bad luck to the wearer. The East Indians and the North Amer­ ican Indians believe that feathers en­ dow their owner with the vices or virtues of the bird from which they are plucked, and as the peicock is vain, arrogant, and greedy he can scarcely endow one with all the vir­ tues. The kingfisher has been a highly honored bird, and to possess one of bis feathers or a bit of the skin has meant great fortune. The Tartars firmly believe that he who touches a beautiful woman with a kingfisher's feather will gain her love. People who appreciate the beauty of fine ostrich feathers can imagine the appearance of helmets formed entirely of them; and yet they were so used by the ancients without a thought, ap­ parently, of their ornamental value. Some old paintings show the artists' love for plumes of various kinds; the PMCock fans wave before an eastern beauty, the long white plumes in some bero s hat, the hereon's feather in the saucy page's cap, while the plumes that fall far down on white and dimpled shoulders are depicted with the brominence they deserve. Womankind, doubtless, will always approve of feathers--they are grace­ ful and becoming, adaptive and ele- i gant. And are not these virtues a sufficient! guaranty for their continued favor?-- Tke Delineator. _F°rty years ago an old lady in Bald- Will, Florida, about to die, made her | children promise not to bury her body She threatened to haunt them if they did. And so when she was dead they placed the body in a stout coffin of Florida pine, placed it on the surface the graveyard, and The and HARD AND SOFT COAL, BRAN, SHORTS, OATS, Lime, Stucco, Etc. Ar.d by keeping a fall stock always on hand will, in the future ac in the past, do all in their power to plense all who may favor them with their patronage. Pricci u Lowu tha Lowut All persons knowing themselves indebted to us are requested to call and settle the same without delay, as oar old books must ^be clos­ ed. Delays are dangerous. Smith, Son ft Co* West IfcBenry, Aug. 9th, 1887. In Woodstock - V Baring- leased the Store In IMfer* New Block, have opened up with a targe and sea*, enable stock ot Boots, Shoes, t nj-n ^ etc. To which we invite the Atientlon ef tbe buying publio. ' >• ' Ltditsud Gents fiae Shots. It Bottom Prices ; First-Class Codtft. Onr Winter Stock i.« now just comin* in and it will you while at the Fair to just call in and loo'k over our stock. ' We will guarantee to please la both qualtt; of Goods and price. ALTHOFF - BROTHERS, Jpe now receiving To which they respectfully invite pubKc. Our stock of - W V SffRp. MM -- • • McHenry, Illinois. attention of the buying GENERAL MEKCHANT)ISE Has been bought in l&rger quantities than ever. We cordially invite the public to call and examine good* and compare prices. Kvai'v rmirhiHKPr lmw tha iiilvtintftora uf fimliiur KAHA. , T - *, ^ *** mmwsmh . , / f | -J» A ' T B Ready-Mad^ Clothing, ii 4 RUDOLPH & McNETT. Woodstot h, Sept. 5tn, 1887. P. HAll PERISCH, i Carriiie THE WILBUR LUMBER COMPANY. M A K E R MoHenrj, Illinoim. I have now on band a lot of Top Buggies, Spring WagOns, Lumber Wagons, all of my own make, which I will sell at And warrant them to be A No. 1 in every tlcnlar. It yon want a bargain in this call on me, I also do a General Blacksmithing Business, and will do your work in the best of manner and with the least possible delay. REPAIRlS G Of all kinds promptly attended to> Call and see for yourself. P. HAUPERISCH. McHenry. Sept. 28, 1887. FISH, Practical Fainter ail Decorator, HEBRON, ILL. Decorating, Paper*Hanging, CALCIMININQ, GRAINING, dc Dene on short notice and satisfaction gu&ran teed.' Oall on or address. H. FISH. Hebron, 11L, May 9M, 1867. HAVE YOU SEEN IT? THS AK1EICA5 BOY. The Popular New Pa^er Disease M ViM Medicine. k MARVELOUS INVEHT10I FOB HBAUNO T1!E SICK AND CONQUER-1NU SNUJI. A T»1o»Mb TO««1T«F7 for Bnpp?T!ng ^a'jar ((e tfeahe. BU lilrrtrlcil/ »r>l Kiignpf.hm CUltei u Sever Itefuro tut ll?«Uag tk« Siek. Wo wnfro no -warfare against pliTsiriang or the •nedical fraternity generally. Their sphere Ot fulness is Iai Ke and we desire to aid them in lishijip auxiliary means for curing the sick, lonest phyBician occupies a high jplacein pn esteem and descrveflly so, too. reveryil afford n spe< Appli­ ances are not a panacea for every ill, they are what we claim for them and will affora a speedy entimea after medicines have failed to give relief. r cure of t- BENUINE MASNETEC APPLIANCES CLASSIFIED. MAGNETIC 'clftShFoS. Bend nice of shoe worn. Send for cold feet and bad per pair by mall. Send for circulars* MAGNETIC per pair. Send measure of wrist. Send for circular. MA6NETIC of ankle. Send for circulars. MAftHFTIft SLEEPING CAP for nerroaa MHBUE IIV nca<iacne, nenralfria, tleepless- new, Catarrh, sic. Price S3 by malL Send tor circular. NMNETIC WSSBIK2B hip disease, etc. Price 95. Send site of waist and leg at hip. Send for circulars. MAGNETIC ProTCcFwi^rv^B^sas; neuralgia or catarrh, will give relief Immediately. Price each. Hood size ot bat worn. Send for circular*. magnetic KEr,.9.%:sr;;jrtlrr.'5 reduce the swelling and restore to natural size Immediately. Price 98 each by mail. Send «!*» of knee. Send for circulars. MAGNETIC •«, lungrs. They prevent and cure cold, rheumatism, neuraJjfla, pneumonia, throat troubles and ca­ tarrh. Price Send for circular* with %m noii&Is. MAGNETIC IWoIt a^'Mu- A benefit to elocutionists, public speakers and sing- firs. They strengthen tho vocal cords and prevent hoarseness. Send for circular. Price 91 each by mail. Send else of neck. MAGNETIC •aricose veins. These leKKlns nave acquired ini- Tersal praise for their medical qualities, and ' the ease with vhich they are worn. Price $S ei by mail. Bend size of leg around calf and wnkie. Si-ad for circular. MUNETtC Ktlon, kidney ana liver trouble. <juick * ckacheg peculiar to ladieo, and impai YOUNG For MEIi AND BOYS. Boys write us from everywhere that it is juat the paper they bare been looking for. Do you want a. paper filled with intcrfBting stories of lan<t and »ea; columns of "Tricks of Magic;" amateur base ball, and interesting miscellaneous reariin*? Send and have your names registered for a sample oopy. Ml eents a year. write to-day to HUDSON BROS, 70S Che'tnulja., Philadelphia, Pa. Mention this paper. . pine, placed of DM ground in built»i bnilt % strong log pea about it. ' lo^toaM tola good condition now, for th» PLAJXDXALKB. Attention Horsemen! I would call the attention of the Public to m7 Stable of Stock Horsea, four in num­ ber: Two Morgans, one X Percheron, and one Imported Horse. They are all good rep resentatlves of their bre«d. Also a few Merino Pheep for Sale. The public are cor. dUlly invited to call and examine stock, get prices, etc. No business done on Sunday, N. S. COLBY. m . • WUmr, m IT al Mlon, kidney and IWer trouble. Quickly removes ackaches peculiar to ladieo, and imparts wonder­ ful vi^or to the whole body. Persons of sedentary habit* and ImpaizvtS nervous power will And them aTaluable companion. Frlce ®2ea^ by toaU poiilr paid Send for nir<'ul»,r& jUUKm SSWaSWJK.SSS: lowinjf diheaxes without medicine: Pain in tho back, head or limits, nervous debility, lumbago, general debility, rheumatism, paralysin, neuralgia, sciatica, <J1sc ab<_a of the kidneys, torpid liver, sem­ inal emissions impotenoy, heart disease, dyspep­ sia, Indirection, hernia or rapture, pllen, etc. Con- gultatlon freo. l'rice of Belt, with Magnetic In- eoles, glO. Send measure of-vaist and rise of sbo* woro* Head for circulars. MAGNETIC rheumatism!, neuralgia, nervous exhaustion, dys­ pepsia or with dUeaaes of the liver, kidney*, head­ ache or cold feet, lame back, falling of the womb, leuoorrhtta, chronic inflammation of the womb,-- abdominal belt and a pnirof Maynetie Foot Bat*( les have no gupcriora in the relief and cure of i_ t"ese complaints. Thny carry a powerful maa- netlc force to tin- seat of the diw'dse. Price of Rrft with Magnetic Foot Batteries. »10. Sent by express O. O. D.. and examination allowed, or by mall on ZBSZtfJS'3 M °m"u» - lUGNETIC chronic rhi'umatjyjn, K^ut, lumbago, paralysis, bronchitis, lunj* disease, and other complaints. Mich bctSle the akill of our best physicians: Price •SO each with insole. £icnd meaKure of che^itor bust and waist. Persons living at a distance who can not consult us in person should crive a clear statement of their difficulties by letter, and we willI designate the kind of Appliftnces required ID each rase to effect a cure. R<-nrl your address for the 44 New Departure in Medical Treatment With­ out Medicine," with thousand* of testimonials. The Magnetic Garments are adapted to all MM. are worn over the underclothes (not nexttothe body like the many galvanic and electric humbturs advertised «o extensively) and should be taken off at night. They Imld their power forever and a^e worn a t all treason* of the year. tSTOrker direct throuprh your Druwrlat, Physician. General More UeaieriorthrO'itfh the publisher at thi* THE MAGKETIC APPUAHOE <00^ 184 PtsfWs Htf Cklaa#^g IE For Men, Youths and plete line of the latest in Jt) selected «uid tx»m- GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS, HATS AND CAPS, A large assortment of Boots and Shoes, for Men and Boys, the best manufacturers. • from *New Goods Every Week. A full line of choice Family Groceries. Come and see us. ALTHOFF BROS. (Successors to Qmlth, Son ft Co. > Near t ho Depots, "West McHenry, Illinois. Having purchased the Lumber Yard and stock of Lumber ot Smith. Son & Co., West McHenry 111., and replenished the same with FULL STOCK OP LUMBER Of all kinds, we are now pre- )ared to offer to the public, the best quality of Lumber at the LOWEST LIVING PRICES- S, MEDICINES, ' MINTS, Toilet Articles, . ' • WIN IB FOR MEDICAL tJBE, •*, I Also Bottled Ale and Porter for Family uaa. ; The best brands of Cigars and Smoking and Chewing Tobaeco alw lys on hand. i- • • • * PHYSICIANS i»ERSCRIPTIONS <3urefully Compounded., (Jive me a call. McHenry, October 10th, 1887. f 0. #. bcsLns W, McHenry, •^P^KALER ' SHELF AND #• i ves, Tin, Copper Sheet-Iron Ware. Camp, Door and ¥Mov Frames-Ready laie-aliays oi Eait We shall bee;) our stock complete at all times and spare no pains to accommodate all wh » may favor us with their patronage. Our yard at this place will be under tne charge of CHABLES H. GRANGER, who will be ready at all times to make you price? on large or small lots Oil and see us . WILBUR LUMBER COMPANY* West McHenry, 111., Aug. 8th, 1887. STEVENS & MILLER, iftiwii I BOOTS AND SHOES. I SUCdtSSORS TO C. V. STEVB Are just receiving their new Fall stock of Obtained, and all I-A ' IENT BUXWMAS tended to for MODI:HATE FEES Our office to opposite the tl s. Patent office, and we can ob­ tain Patents in less time than tlioae remote from WASHINGTON. Send MODEL, DJiAWISQ at J'lfOTO of invention. We advise ns to patent­ ability free of etiarue and we make AO L'liAitQJS UMJCSS L'ATENT IS SECCUED. For circular, advice, term* and reference* to actual el lent* In your own state. Oiimtjr, City or Town, write to C . A S N O W H O C QpfXMUe Patent Office, Wa$kington, D $ Call on them and you will, find good goods in every department Oui stock of ' r "' . A BOOTS AND SHOES Are manufactured by 8elz & Schwab, the largest manufacturers of Boots and Shoes in tbe United States, and for good fitting, goo< wearing goods have no superior, in our line ot DRESS GOODS, holdTbarref. 8ee °ur Galvaniz6« ̂ Keroseat Tank., tbat We make oaraelve*, that) The Church Swivel Hay Carrier, with Tracks, Hangings. Floor Hook. «mt beat In the market. Oall and see it. B8* * ioot UOOK* WW Pulleya, :-|ke l*ULL £iI27B OF STO^TBS. For both coal aijd wood, of the best makes, always on hand In short I will keep everything in the Hardware line, to be found In McHenry county. Do not fail to call when in want of anything in my line and see what can be done. I have employed a first class Tinner, and all AND EEPAIRIIffif Will be done on short notice and Satisfaction Guaranteed, specialty of Gutter Factory work. A share of public respectfully solicited. W. P. STEVENS, :-1 •4 A patronage - I N - We have just bought a carload of iT- CASH BOTTOM PRICES^ And knowing well the fact that there has been a great drouth all over McHenry County, we shall sell these goods so low as to Hit( th» Wuta of Ivtry Uu, Woman and Chili. to come from all parts of the county to trade W. H. DWIGHT, Woodstock, III. N. B.--House Established In 1865. It will pay you with us H. V. SHEPARD, OPPOSITE BISHOP'S MILL, LEK IN- Will be f >und Mill Goods. In a complete variety of the'celebrated Bro tihead We are prepared to offer you the best mftkes of tbe Rock ford and St. Joseph Mills. ^ Groceries ! The purest and best we can Groceries! In short our experience in busiiiess I as taught us which goods are best for us to handle. We have proved all brand* and have aimed to hold fast to those which are best. We ask you to, c#ll and look our stock over. , W* give you the worth of every dollar you leave with us, i V toras - - 5 a Stevens WEST MoHENBY, SBELf ii HE1TT MWM Also the Celebrated 6arla&4- Stoves a&d Ranges " The Prize and Black Acorn, ' Unirvesal, Sterling, and Others. Coal and Wood Cooks, Small and Large Wood Parlors, Elegant Coal Heaters. We have one of the Largest Stocks of StvoeS IN MCHENRY COUNTY. , Over sixty stoves from which to make a selection. ' In short everything* in the Hardware, Stove and Tin line ctui bo fonnd;ni Our Store. Come one and all and examine our Goods and learn Prices. I F Y AJ^D Promptly Attended To, • 4 McHenry, Sept. 27th, 1887. H. V. - i ' - - ~ T ' j • :^»tr