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ve man. fc4fkmnd ifl( ON style of Queen 11 txaoe iter alj 6tf#r the natifcn rising, Perjr,-*ffe« deuce take l-of hcmae deeoratlOn. « i a home that la plat* M a j for e«tlin«a that ornament lack, i without freeooya* Mo, or frie*«. i itot littered with smart, bric-a-brac, Aala a good Ml tout eftter tople«*s<> ; i ami for halla where there'* not cnoh a HOW her emiiwb.1 on finally on personal ones. ered they had many mntnikt tances in Chicago, where Mtik but singularly enough, had tteViip nor even heard of each other^ vilripl l»ad met in this out-of-the-WRY At the time promised the agent ap- or the lit diioaai President's fn Ittiml Mill«r tutfcs t well ivn thslr that it is ths Pi ,t Mr. Miller to thsBttprtfafaa We will venture to Inform them peared, onlv to give them fresh disap- ®on©u. We will venture to infc pointment. After a few moments of '**•* J"1? "ot<be q.11"* mM ** *® locking down something wherever Ito '̂ •|BftJliljf ,"for a shelter teas utterly utter gydftwm the depths of a surfeited heart I a*a ytf f yearning! • 'Xmm ^twap would I see where I'm bidden to Would have fewer conrsea to drink and to eat, U Una feasting were not so exquisitely fine ooald easier feel that the life's more than ' HMfct ' y*f:' , As ti>. Heaven help as, we mis'rable sinners, ;V AM pardon such thoughtless, mat bdtiv bvii^y* "01 couiploc, so grand, so women t<ro* oar (KB- *|&E ' ners Not th*' sonl, bat the stomach seema really worth saving! • V/ I*ft1 weary of dwellings that strive to snrpass^ Of boudoirs ecstatic in white and in gold, ,<JU©g8 on the hearth burning nothing but gas, Of furniture ugly, but awfully old. |p| the pHHt not the house but the mortal that Ivtiilded ,,,, Jffost Y- oithy of honor was commonly nck- • oned, fftat now--in an age that is known as the i' ' giJded-- ' The house has the beaor, the builder Is seo- ond! • ,r "• • 1 ' '• © F;% i. A queen tnfr gaoA say Ijewe tk*t afaoH gain'.. -' . <* Ctaly treatment cbivalrio from worshipping , man. ;s|t my feelings I can not, I shall not restrain, -.Sty tMiijier grows hot as I ponder on Ann-- Qneen Aline, as I trace her all over the nation 1 feel my gorge rising, I cry, "The deuce take her." , . I'm terribly tired of house decoration ad I long for a. home fifcitHi ftb&i ttf W "uaker. , • , ^ T vV York Tribune. TURNING THE TABLES. w> M SYDNEY |>'n'ip'^11". • ^ pretty "Iiois Ybrk'ud heFsr^r-it*- i'lwr ascended the stairway to their bed­ rooms, at midnight, on returning from tiie theater, they were startled by a most unearthly noise. A combination of sounds like tearing muslin, a grunt, and final snort, then a silence for fresh efforts. It was only Mrs. York's better-half snoring ; and such blood-curdling, sleep- destroying, profanity-inspiring snores are seldom heard! "How horrible!" exclaimed Lois "I would get a divorce; I never would en­ dure that! Charlie ought to be ashamed himself!" Mrs. York, after swallowing a yawn, •aid: "That's nothing; you get used to it." , "Well, I wouldn't marry a man that •aorted like a Leriathan of the deep!" Her sister laughed and said, "You wBl end by being a glorified spinster then, for all men snore more or less; •depends a good deal on what they Jiave ca£sr«. He is only lying ©i» his back." A repetition of the noise, augmented bv a continued gurgle, caused Mrs, York to hastily disappear within the apartment "from whepce came those horrid sounds." Lois rushed to her own room at the farther end of the h^H, with her fingers in her ears.. A few days afterwards Lois . started on .along promised visit to a friend in On the outgoing journey she ier the guardianship of an old .n, a friend Of the family, who after as far as Topeka," which a few miles from her destina- is she had rather dreaded, on of the many changes, but the trip was only a repetition, and it was Without any fear she set out after a long pleasant visit with her school-mate. She had perfect confidence in herself as a traveler, nor was it misplaced as far *• she was individually concerned, but trains are not so reliable. So, when eke found herself seemingly the sole occupant of the little waiting room at a country junction, her courage somewhat failed her. The man in charge, who combined in his person the agent and telegrapher, informed her that the train an<* ^ would be "nigh about midnight when it came in." Then he <»oly set about closing up his office, preparatory to taking his departure, "when a voice from out the 4i-knnm aaked indignantly : "You are surely not Intending to flhut as out of doors?" and a genteman stepped into the square of light in fiont of the open door. Iiois looked up quickly and took in •i a glance the personnel of her, till then unsuspected companion in mis­ fortune. "O, no! I shan't shut up the waiting coom, and 111 be back at half-past eleven," and off he went. The man who had spoken approached Idas and, lifting his hat, said: > "It would be better for you to be in- »de; it is too cold out here for you. Best if you can, and I will see you are not disturbed." *But it will be too cold (or you, too. Don't think that because you are a •tranger I would be so selfish as to de wive you of the little comfort there is u this dreary place." "Thank you," he replied: "I will •mail myself of your kindness after fln- ariungmy cigar." She went into the station, and, estab­ lishing herself as oomfortably as she Oould on one of the stiff, hard benches, with rigid arms, so equally dividing the dqaace allotted to the traveler. As it was late and she was very ti^ed, she <KXm dropped asleep. At first she slept ®s peacefully as a chila, but the discom fort of her position began to be felt, and a draft fJom an illy-fitting window "stopped up" "her head, so that from in- fant-lik^ breathing she was soon snoring horribly. At this unlucky moment her fellow-traveler finished his cigar, opened | the door and stepped inside just as iiois ';vv gave a tremendous snort. Mr. Norman Burrell was a very fastidious person, and was horrified to hear such sounds issuing from such ... Jtosy lips. f) He looked hard at Lois and said sotto ~j(f "*!?*^. snoring woman is an nomination. It's bad enough in man, but unpardonable in -a woman. * never snore myself." s , .^®n a of kindness prompted ;. hiai t0 see if her position caused the un ' pleasant noises. He discovered her "®*d had fallen to one side, limp in «1®«P. in a very uncomfortable fashion He^mtly attempted to change it-to a more comfortable position, only to awaken her. She sat up straight for ..-un instant, then hurriedly began getting iglMirttoigs together. the train coming C&jras her fiiit rfi"- * No, ii will be here for an hour. §1 is only II o'clock, and the agent said ft would not be here till 12. Yon quee- telegraphing ne informed them the train would not be along till 3 in the morning, as the trouble was more seri­ ous than was at first supposed. The only thing they oonld do was to accept the situation, so they rammed their conversation. After a time Lois notioed her com­ panion's head dipping up and down in a jerky way; finally his chin rested on his breast and he was sound asleep. She quietly slipped from the close room for a walk an the platform. After a few turns she was glad to return, being chilled by the mist which rose from the adjacent river. She entered the room to find Burrel with his mouth wide open; and O, moat disgusting!--snoring in a way that could discount anything Charlie had ever done in that line. "How abominable! I thought him so ! nice, too, and such a gentleman!': En­ tirely ignoring the fact that a gentleman might be addicted to snoring, just as he migfht have red hair, or have had typhoid fever. She let him sleep on, only shndder- ing at ftny outburst eclipsing anotheT. "I'm so glad that don't snore,* she murmured complacently, while gaz­ ing at him. He was not a particularly pretty object when asleep, although when awake he passed for a good-look­ ing fellow enough. His chin was on his breast, and he was huddled down so he resembled a hunchback. : His ap- pearanoe was not in the least romantic and he bore not the least resemblance to a sleeping knight He had had a hard day's work, and was thoroughly worn out. • Either the magnetism of Lois' gaze or a particularly rasping snore caused him to awake with a start. "Did you speak to me?" He tioned of Lois. "O, no!" she replied shortly. He, supposing her to be sleepy, sub- sideded into silence. There they sat for an hour or more, mute as statues, till the train came along. Their jour­ ney lasted for five hours longer. They breakfasted amicably together at a station, and each completely forgot the others disgusting fault. When they arrived at Chicago they felt they had known each other for years. He had been so kind and thoughtful for her comfort, and so entertaining, she thought she could have liked him very much, only-- He thought her a pretty sensible, en­ tertaining girl, who would make a fel­ low a splendid wife, only -- She introduced him to her brother, who immediately recognized him as the cousin of his friend and partner, and cordially invited him tfo his house. Subsequently he availed himself fre­ quently of this privilege. But, much to the surprise and pique of Miss Lois, he showed that he had not succumbed to her charms; and she intentively felt that, for some reason or other beyond her fathoming, he did not intend to! This respectful resistance only made him the subject of her thoughts and speculations more frequently than any other of her gentlemen acquaintances. One Sunday afternoon, whep he was calling, the entire family were gathered in the parlor, and Burrell, referring laughingly to their first meeting, added: "And when I came in from the plat­ form yon were snoring away like a Trojan!" "You must be joking when you say that! I never snore," answored'Loia, a little indignantly. "O, yes you do!" exclaimed Mr. and Mrs. York in chorus. "Many a time I heard you across the hall!" chimed in Charlie, with brotherly bluntness. Her face turned red with indignation^ and before she could make a reply Mr. Barrel remarked: "It's a thit g I never do myself, but I think " A buret of laughter from Lois and Charlie interrupted him, and he looked from one to the other in sur­ prise, and asked: "What is the mat­ ter?" Charlie stopped laughing long enough to inquire: "Didn't you camp with Smithson and his set up in Mich­ igan last year?" Yes." Well," continued Charlie; "they said you nearly drove them distracted with your noise. You slept like a log and snored like a fog-horn. They took turns shying beer bottles and shoes at you, all to no purpose. They told me they thought they would never invite you to accompany them again you made night so hideous." Before Burrel could begin his dis­ claimer Lois broke out with: "Yes, and when I came in off the plat­ form you were asleep, snoring with your chin on your breast and your mouth wide open. You were anything but a pretty looking object, I can assure you." The laugh had hardly died away when Mrs. York was called from the room, and Mr. York soon followed. Burrel and Lois looked at each other and burst into a laugh. He then took a chair near her and said, leaning to­ ward her, "It's a pity to infiict two other people with our bad habits. We can endure it from each other--cin't we?" And Lois with drooping eyes and blushing face, simply said softly, "yes " fend mentally, "So that was the reason." |fr would better try to sleep again "O, I can't; I am quite wid wide <awake ,'v ' President's intent until he h|M--1f has proclaimed it Among the many virtues of President Harrison th:«t of patient and silent deliberation is not least. He j has made no important appointment in haste, nor has he ever been quick to pro­ nounce or to indicate the proDHbilities of I his protracted mediations. He has re­ ceived everybody's suggestions, investi- gated the character of the persons sug- fsated, and in due time has acted upon is own conclusions as to the titness of , fhe snggestees, if we may be allowed to coin the word. The public is more than satisfied with the results: no President has been so fortunate in gaining general j approval upon his nppointments. j We have no doubt that the name of Mr. Miller has been suggested to the President as that of a person well fitted to perform the duties of a Supreme Judge, and we have no hesitation is say­ ing that the suggestion is we,Il made. The most brilliant advocates have not al­ ways made the best judges, the most active politicians ,»re not always the best endowed with the judicial faculty. Mr, Waite, for exam pie, was neither a brilliant orator nor an active politician, but he stands well in history as an able and up­ right Chief .Justice. His tnenioiy does not suffer by comparison with that of any of his illustrious predecessors. As to Mr. Miller it is to be said that he has long been an active partner in a law firm whose practice is the most extensive and responsible of any in one of the great States of the Union. By the elevation of General Harrison to t>e Presidency he would have become the head of the firm. He relinquished the pleasing prospect of the simultaneous acquirement of wealth and honor to accept a place in the cabinet of his old friend and part­ ner. General Harrison appointed Mr. Miller to the Attorney Generalship be­ cause he knew that he was Jit for it. It was not a pood political appointment in the vulgar senseof thephrase; cold friends might have bten made warm, or warm friends might have.been enthused by the appointment of some other person. Mr. Miller brought no new allies to the Presi­ dent nor could his nomination increase the personal following of the President in his own State. But the appointment was unanimously indorsed by the bar of Indiana, and as warmly approved by the laity. The legal scholarship andacumefb of Mr. Miller are well known in Indiana, and already are favorab y recognized in Washington. His elevation to the Su­ preme Bench would be no more than a promotion for merit, and it would be a promotion of which the Northwest es­ pecially would be proud, and of which the country at large soon would express approval. But as to the President's in­ tention we know no more than those of our Democratic contemporaries who prematurely are discussing and disaootov- mg.--Chicago Inter Ocean, IS its' ien voterg oarried eleo- Thick-Skiuned Animals, The whale, which belongs to the mammalia, no doubt holds the palm for thickness of skin. At some-parts of the body the skin is only two inches thick, but in many places its pelt is fully two feet in thickness. The skin of the whale is the substance usually known as blub­ ber, and in a large specimen will weigh altogether more than thirty tons. The distinction of being the thickest-skinned quadruped belongs to the Indian rhin Some Evidences of Democratic Corrup­ tion. Givethe Democratic party of New York State half a chance and it will always de­ clare itself on the side of fraud and cor­ ruption in elections as against honesty. The same charge might be brought against the Democratic party all over the coun­ try, but the average New York Democrat can give the others points in election villainy. 1 hree prominent illustrations of this tendency have recontlv occurred. First, there was the Governor's open and unblushing veto of the Saxton bill to se­ cure electoral reform, which needs no comment. The second case concerns election outrages which have no parallel outside of Yazoo or Conway County. In April last, at the local election in Watei*- vliet, Albany County, the poliing-place in the Eleventh District of the town was in­ vaded by a squad of Democratic police­ men from Albany, sent there by the Dem­ ocratic machine in the latter city. Ev­ erything was quiet at the precinct, but the Democratic thugs deliberately drove out the Republican officiuls and turned the ballot-boxes over to the Democratio inspectors, who allowed the Bepublican candidate for Supervisor but eighty-seven votes, and some thirty other Republicans but forty-six votes each, thus carrying the election for the Democrats. Two hundred and seven citizens of XVatervliet •t once came forward and made affidavit that they voted for the Republican can­ didates, and upon the strength of this sworn testimony the Grand Jury of Al­ bany County was asked to indict the men who committed the assault and stole the suffrage, 'lh.it Grand Jury, composed of Democrats selected by a Democratic Blieiill at the bidding of the boss of the Democratic machine, with the testimony beforo them unchallenged in any way, failed to find any indictment against the political desperadoes! A more brazen and shameleBs defiance of popular rights and the will of the majority has never occurred in this country, not even in the worst negro-hunting sections of the cot­ ton States. It even rouses that peaceful and conservative old paper, the Albany Evening Journal, to declare "if Grand Juries won't protet the rights of voters in Albany County firearms will." The political outrage'in Albany Coun­ ty, however, is not a whit more exasper­ ating than the conduct of the Democratic District Attorney in New York City, Col. Fellows, who. while running for the office which he now di-grnces, was personally indorsed by Grover Cleveland and his election asked for. In January last the Reform Club of New York laid before him definite charges that six prominent politicians in New York had been guilty of bribing voters, accompanied by posi­ tive evidence. It tcok two months be­ fore they could induce him to secure an indictment, and there the prosecu­ tion hangs. Nearly four montns .have passed, and the District Attorney has not taken, and lefuses to take, a step to ^biing them to trial.* Disappointed, dis­ gusted, and disheartened, the club has addressed an open letter to Grover Cleve­ land's friend, in which it says: "While yon have seen fit to prosecute with energy obscure criminals for offenses either pet­ ty in themselves or involving no large public question--while you have actively interposed the machinery of your office at the instance of great moneyed interests ---you have allowed to go unpunished a cr.me that undermines the foundation of our State." With a Demo ratic Governor trampling upon every etlort to secure hon­ est elections, a Democratic Sheriff and machine boss in Albany corrupting jus­ tice at its source, and preventing the punishment of suffrage thieves, and a Democratic District Attorney in the me­ tropolis obstructing the course of justice deliberately and for the purpose of pro­ tecting political bribers and scalawags, oceroa, whose hide has a knotty or gran- one need not go further to establish the ulated surface, and is so impenetrable' * '* " as to resist the claws of the lion or tiger, the sword, or the balls of the old-fash- ioned musket. So stiff and hard is this skin that were it not divided by creases or folds the animal imprisoned in its armor could scarcely move. It is man­ ufactured into leather of great strength and durability, and targets and shields are made of it that are absolutely proof against darts or sword strokes. The skin of the hippopotamus runs that of the rhinoceros very closely as regards thickness. When dried it is also -used for shields which are highly^ prized by the natives. . * "SERIAL buildings" are whit they °n«W> Chic perfect identity of the Democratic party in New York with every form of political corruption and dishonesty. It has sunk below even the average standards of po­ litical morality in the South. --Chicago Tribune. EX-SBNATOB BIIAVCHB K. BBUOI has written a letter on the subject of Presi­ dent Harrison's relations to the colored race. He believes that the colored people will receive every proper recognition from the present administration, and tells them that their future depends less upon that than upon their own efforts. He accord­ ingly urges them to cultivate economy, industry, thrift, and integrity, and every Other quality which can aid iu elevating th® race intellectually, morally, and ma­ terially. That the colored people are ad­ vancing, Mr. Bruce is a conspicuous it himself, and another is the large intelligent contention in Mississippi NOTES,. turned Bgpabtfoan te cartoons fnr Wine. rK has been fteeretery months, and he has not into war" yet He is evi- terrible a man as the Dem- itie majority in the Mon- itional Convention has down to five. This in- e of one labor candidate, Itofore been a Democrat. Tai«4t|F* ie 100 years old. Tammany expeett continue to boss the Demo­ cratio patty of the United States. The **ohem* have, a a infant by the name of Cleveland, which they are bringing up on the bottle. J >°tjGlides, Lynch, and Smalls! An- otoer one-dajr exclamation of Democratic horror ov«r President Harrison's "failure to recognise the colored man" has been dissipated by acts wiiich speak louder than words.--Albany Journal. THE Democratic spavined political equine ia Ohio has not yet been trotted out, but the boss jockeys nr& all the same boasting of Gov. Foraker'H defeat. Ex­ perience don't seem to teach Ohio Demo­ crats anything worth mentioning.--Inter Ocean. THE Hon. Frederick Douglass is a thorough American, and he will fitly rep­ resent the nation in the much-bedeviled country to which he is to be sent. Mr. Douglass has a p^od head and plenty of pluck. No better man could be commis­ sioned to Hayti.--Chicago Inter Ocean. WITIIII'AM WALTER PHELBS is the only one of our foreign Ministers who won his spurs in diplomacy before being appoint­ ed a Minister. His elevation is a proper sequel to his Snmoan work, and nis fit­ ness for his new position will not lessen hiB influence in discharging its duties.-- Washington Post. A IJABOR movement of formidable dimensions has been organized in Ala­ bama. The Democratic Legislature has been so unfriendly to labor that 100,000 Knights of Labor are reported as having organized a new party. They propose to co-operato with the Farmers' Alliance and capture the State.--Des Moines Reg­ ister, JOHX H. OBKMIY has lost his offiee, and has, of course, dropped the non-par­ tisan disguise*in which he has masquer- aded for a few years. He is-trying to get into the newspaper business as an anti- administration partisan Democrat in Washington. The "Bishop" was never a non-partisan except to serve a purpose.-- Chicago Journal. GEN. STEPHEN D. LSE. President of the Agricultural and Mechanical College of Mississippi, wants the Democratic nomination for Governor of the State. He think*) that the multiplication of fac­ tories ant*, forges is the way to settle the negro question, and he promises to aid in the multiplication if elected Governor. Gen. Lee's way is certainly preferable to the shotgun way that so many of his po­ litical asfco iates have tried.--Iowa State Register. Ix is the opinion of Bepublieans and Democrats alike that the nomination of Governor Foraker for auother term con­ solidates and enthuses the Ohio Repub- licuut, as no other nomination would have done, and insures a full Republican vic­ tory in that State, including the election of a Republican Legislature. Ohio, one of the grandest of the Republican States, will then have two Republican United States Senators, instead of being in p&rt misrepresented by one Democrat, as it has been for over twenty years. AT the slow rate of progress being made in the recount of votes in West Virginia, Goft's election will be recog­ nized and oonceded just about the time the next election takes place. Meanwhile the Democratic hold-over Governor will serve out a term, or part of a term, for which he was not even a candidate, and the Republicans will be cheated out of an office to whiirh they are honestly en­ titled. If West Virginia actually de­ sires to repel settlers and capital, it has adopted the right sort of a course to do it. --St. Louis (Jlobe-Democrat. EX-MINISTER EDWABD J. PHELPS de­ clares that "the time has come when we need to have established a distinctive, definite, wise, firm, and, above all, a conscientious American policy in interna­ tional relations." This is sound talk. Professor Phelps might also have added that the present administration, by the uniformly high character of its diplo­ matic appointees and the clear, straight lines they are following in their negotia­ tions with foreign governments, is rap­ idly making the needful policy a reality and a permanency.--Philadelphia, Press. A Reformer Forgets His Trade. Last fall a gentleman of the name of Burt--Wellington li. Burt--was nom­ inated by the Democrats for Governor of Michigan. He was the standard- bearer of the party that was charging the tariff with responsibility for all the trusts that regulate the production of useful articles. He led the campaign in MiVbigftn with that famous I)emooratic slogan: "Down with the trusts," (the other fellow's trusts). Mr. Wellington B. Burt was not made Governor of Michigan. The peo­ ple didn't seem to be impressed with the fervor of his denunciations of the tariff and the trusts, (the other fel­ low's trusts). A few short months have passed-- where do we find Mr. Wellington R. Burt now? Alas! what a fall. In­ stead of continuing in the business of denouncing trusts (other people's trusts) this distinguished Democrat is bending all his energies to the forma­ tion of a gigantic salt trust, that is to regulate the production and price of an article of daily use in every home in the land. , And worse, and more of it, Mr. Well­ ington R. Burt has been to England-- free-trade England--to find the capital and the men to take the lead in liis great trust. How could he thus ruthlessly expose the dishonesty and hypocrisy of his party ? With every Democratic paper denouncing trusts as something in which only wicked Republicans were engaged, how oould he, late Democrat­ ic candidate for Governor, stand up and give the lie to all their charges ? And when they said that trusts were only the outgrowth of a tariff system why did Wellington R. Burt go to En­ gland to find a great salt trust which he could use as a starter for an American trust ? Only a sudden and unaccountable forgetfulness oould have caused Well­ ington R. Burt- to make such a fatal break. We shall soon hear every Dem­ ocratic paper in the land reproachfully CtJf ^ Oh, Wellington,, " f * ' Sow could your, ^ But Wellington has ddife W?' He is trying to get head over heels in a trust as fast as he can, without regard to his Democratic alliance. And he went to free-trade England to find his salt trust, in spite of the Democratic charge that trusts only grew in tariff coun­ tries. * sad day for Democracy when Wellington R. Burt forgot hiawelf.-- Iowa SUite Register. O0BMM woman vice versi^ : know tiU5*!!* man who . married to I and toWto* or will i liatanced at the final winding up, how much mental and moral wear and fret there is about such a union. These everyday martyrs are 'so com­ mon that nobody notices' them, and yet it surely must be easier to die once at the stake, seeing as all have got to die some way, than it is to live on for fifty years--three hundred and sixty-five days and six hours to a year--with a "partner" who is never quite ready, but who is going to be **in jnst a few min­ utes." The punctual woman has her meals ready on the stroke of the clock and her unpunctual husband knows that they will be ready, but he stops' and does a little job of work that might as well have been left till afterward, and the potatoes get cold, and the beef­ steak tastes like tough leather in conse­ quence. The man who is on time has to go round drumming his fingers'on the win­ dow-pane, and fingering thei curtain pulls, and making himself disagreeable generally, waiting while the unpunctual wife gets things on the table, and won­ ders what does make men folks so fidgety. And that man suffers a small martyr­ dom while he is waiting, and if he does not swear about it, put it down to his credit, oh, recording angel. An unpunctual person never can con­ ceive what a trial it is to a punctual one to have to wait, and wait, for what could just as well have been attended to on time. You are going somewhere at 10 o'­ clock.' You tell your wife to be ready at that time. You hurry to keep your appointment, and you keep it. She knows that you will. But she thinks there is plenty of time. People who are invariably behindhand always think there is time enough. That is the rock they split on. You come home and find her not ready. But she tells you reassuringly that she has only got to change her dress and comb her hair, and see about dinner, and it will only take a few minutes. And by bitter ex­ perience you know that it will take a good hour to accomplish all these things. Of course you fret, and you keep calling out up the stairway to know what in the dickens she is about, and you tell her that you could have built the City of Jerusalem in the time she has been combing her hair and getting into another dress, and you get out of doors, and stamp about in the yard to pass the time away, and you resolve that the next tivie you ask her to go any whore with you, yev won't tmk her It is exasperating to wait, and any one who has tried it knows it without being told. So we say to all our friends, do try and be ready when the time to be ready comes. It would save so much dis­ comfort, so much irritation, so much friction and fret. And it is just as eas) after you make up your mind to it. Try it--try it in earnest--ye who are always behindhand, and see if we are not right.--Kate Thorn, in New York Weekly. , •. i 1 * .f * A Sfdry of Edwin Forrest. Edwin Forrest, one of the most famous actors of the generation now passing away, had the notion that he could not be frightened, and one day he said as much in the presence of a lion tamer named Driesbacli. This lion tamer, now dead, was then as famous in his line as Mr. Forrest was in the theatrical line. Mr. Driesbach invited Mx. Forrest to visit him one evening. The latter accepted the invitation, and at the house, after passing through a long,] dark hallway, he was asked by Mr. | Driesbach into a dark room. Meanwhile Mr. Forrest had not thought that his courage was being put to the test. Suddenly, however, he felt some­ thing touch his leg in the darkness, and reaching down his hand touched what he thought was a cat's back, which he gently stroked. A rasping growl greeted the motion, and he saw two fiery eye­ balls glaring at him. "Are you afraid, Mr. Forrest?" asked the lion-tamer, who was invisible in the darkness. Forrest replied: . "Not a bit," when the lion-tamer said something, and the growl deepened and the back began to arch. Mr. Forrest held out for a few minutes, when he exclaimed: "Now. let me out, you scoundrel, or I'll'break every bone in your body!" The "lion king" kept him there, and he did not dare move a finger, while the tiger kept rubbing against his leg. Mr. Forrest finally gave in, and promised Driesbach a complimentary sapper ii he would let him out. Driesbach also told of an adventure in Baltimore: "We were playing a piece in which one' of my tigers was suddenly to leap from above upon me, as if to kill me. After it would jump on me we would roll around on the floor, to all appearances engaged in mortal combat. The theater in which we were playing had a large pit, and it was filled almost to suffocation that evening with boys and men. This time the tiger jumped over my head and was flying for the pit, when I caught him by the tail and pulled him back. I needn't tell you that room was made mighty quickly in the pit when they saw the animal coming. They rushed out pell- mell, yelling and screaming for me to hold him." But Driesbach held'on tc the tiger's tail until* the theater wat empty. An Ailment From Erie. A man stood on the postoffice sflfep* the other day looking across the street, and a newsboy stood in front of the man gazing at him very fixedly. "What yer looking at?" growled the man, as he finally realized the lad's presence. "Don't yon know what ails it?' "No." I . "It's erysipelas. Ray* had it for ten years." "Goingback there?" "Where?" "To Erie. If that's the kind of 'sipelac they have there you'd better hunt some other climate."--Detroit Free Press. - liafdand card , th?S^%rIx^8 II mentkfaed ofthese a Cody macfo now reply toA Oapaia was soon after Knobs, where Cod lybaa'avafled Of the opportunity to scalp _ Several officers were oonvei|l|i|l|? the room together, when one j| as his opinion that Cody ought not to scalp. He said: " It is all right enough for the Indians to scalp; they know no better. Bnt Cody ought to be above such things." • s The ocuui who was Deing criticised was standing in the doorway, and though he could not be seen by the in­ mates of the room, yet he heard every word that was said. As the speaker concluded, Cody walked into the room. He certainly was a picture. His tall, lithe, muscular figure was set off by a gorgeous suit of black velvet trimmed with gold braid. His long golden hair hung below his shoulders. In a belt at his waist two colt's revolvers and a hunt­ ing-knife reposed. Fringed buckskin leggings, which were almost one solid mass of bpadvrork, covered the lower part of his shapely legs. A broad-brim­ med h#t of light felt a la the Earl of Dun- raven was perched jauntily on his well- shafted head. His complexion was--as it ever has been since I first met him on the plains--as pink and as white and as fieckless as a blooming maiden's of eighteen summers. I tliinkthe manufac­ turers of different kinds of soaps, washes and lotions, so highly recommended by the clergy, and st^r actresses, could do a neat stroke of business by getting Cody to indorse them. Well, "he strode into the room and said: "Gentlemen, I want you to understand one thing; the Hon, William F. Cody does not scalp Indiana. But when I am on the plains I am Buffalo BUI, and Buffalo Bill scalps them every time.--United Service Magazine. A Qaeer Predietment. : An Army officer told me a strangeHtit^ the other day, writes a Washington cor­ respondent in the Now York Tribune, of a brother officer who was graduated with him from West Point many years ago. Shortly after leaving the Military Academy, he married a pretty girl. For a time things went smoothly, but John Barleycorn, who has killed more soldiers than have ever fallen in battle, got the best of him and he went to the dogs rapidly. Finally he threw up his position in the Army,deserted Inrf young wife, and for years never was .eard of. At# last news came to the poor woman that the worthies" vre^ch was dead. After » tiisi sf_j married another officer. they moved out to .a station at one of the far Western posts. But it turned out that her first husband was not dead. In fact, after years of debauchery and aimless wandering about, he had re­ formed. He then began to make in­ quiries for the woman he had deserted; but nothing was known of her. After a long and fruitless search he was forced to the conclusion that she had given up - the struggle. He came to Washington, where, through the assist­ ance of some influential friends, he pro­ cured an appointment iu the Army. Then, believing himself free, he mar­ ried again, and took his wife to the frontier post to which he was ordered, the same at which his wife was living. Upon meeting, the shock of mutual recognition, the deep shame of the ter­ rible situation, I leave you to imagine. What could they do ? The question has not yet reached a satisfactory settle­ ment. Woman Not a Legal "Person.* . ; - During the session of the last Legfo* lature, a bill was passed, in the face of a strong opposition and a pronounced adverse public sentiment, giving women the privilege of practicing law. Judge Blake, in the District Court last week, rendered a decision in a case where a lady, Miss Knowles. as a deputy constable, served a garnishee on the Northern Pacific Railroad to secure pay­ ment of a judgment obtained by a gro­ cery firm against a woman to whom the company owed a certain amount o, money. His decision, in brief, is that women may not hold offiqes in this ter­ ritory, except when the statutes especi­ ally provides that they may, and, as the law only makes women eligible to school offices, all appointments conferring upon them the right to act as notaries or con­ stables are void. The Judge held that Miss Knowles was not a "person" in the eyes of the law and therefore unable to perform the duties of a constable. The female law­ yer bill was passed solely in the inter­ ests of this lady, but opened the doors for women with legal propensities from any section in the United States. Since the accession of Governor White, how­ ever, quite a number of women Rave been appointed notaries pnblio in the Territory of Montana, and the decision of the Chief Justice inferentially makes these commissions null and void.--Hel­ ena {Mont.) Letter. •.< Something to Be Thankffnl Far. "Have yon done anything for me?" asked the condemned man, in pitiful tones, as his lawyer entered the cell. "Yes, indeed," said the legal gentle­ man, gleefully. "Oh, what is it," demanded tha mur­ derer, "a pardon?" -No." "A commutation of sentence?" ^ "No." * - - -• "Then ifi mercy's name, what?" ; "1 have succeeded," said the lawyer, "in having the day of your execution ohauged from Friday to Monday. Fri­ day is an unlucky day, yoa know."-- Yankee Blade. ^ Found at Last. Horribly Ugly Woman--Plase, mum, the intellegince mon sint mo here; he said as how yer wanted a gurril. Mrs. Blinks (nearly fainting at the sight)--I--J--but stop. I will hire you, but not as a house-girl. Are you willing to be sent to a teacher to be taught another way to make your liv­ ing? "Yis, mum." •"Well, 111 have educated for • type-writer. My husband says he wants one."--New York Weeely. The Wise Druggist. -Well, sonny, what is it?" asked the A Failure. "I don't see what is the matter drug el'erk, peering over the counter at'»y son Henry," said a merchant (no ¥ h mi A# .. 4A U/vlvt HIM AIAMJ* * the three-foot mite of humanity. "Mamma sent me to get a piece oi soap--castiron, I think she saii" "We don't keep any summer hotel •oap here," returned the cUsrk; -you have mistokeu tfce metal- JKn^'ir with Tw done my beat to help him along. -Whut's the matter; isn't he doing well?" -I should say not He has toade an entire^ failure m business." v dOT Ti to niip^ A-OW^TRV doctor who owned a smoke- W& ^ANEW wif§^ says ' that poverty is * •' #j disease; and the wont of ft is •bwt the doctors all increase it. ^ No WONDER batt ijMfin to loofcplayfct : out at an early p^iQw of thifer mOVtal „ Vf existence. They are on the rack agmnfe . $ half th© time. < ^ ^ V /.yg GASTOX PLANT®, the inventor of the ^ electric accumulator, who died & j France , was one o f t he e l ec t r i c p l an t s ' 1 we hear abont MRS. UPPER TEN--Who is your ^ favorite author? Miss Van Aristocrat --The author of my being. He gave me a diamond necklace last night. 'i MBS. GOTHAM---I adore traveling. Were you ever in Greece, Miss Loiif? ' Miss Loin (of Cincinnati)--No, I never was; but papa was in that lard trust * yon know. , \ I MB. POPIHJAY (at the theater)--I de- ^ olare, if we aren't seated directly be- ! * hind one of those confounded great opera hats! Mrs. Popinjay--Yes,thank Heaven! I can study it all the even- , •; mg. • A'-*| 18TJPP08K you 'have suffered heavy losses in yotit time in connection wita your great business?" -Yea, many, many thousands of dollars." "Thieves?" \ Cj "Oh, no; from men who were always behind time." • BEARDING the lion in Ms den.---Judge * w (severely)--I should think you'd be ^ ashamed of yourself, McNamara, to be in the court-room so often. McNamara (coolly)--Begorra! I'm not here any offener than yer'anner is." 'h f- IRATE Wife--John, this is the fourth f ^ time I've caught you in the kitchen 'I talking to the cook. "Well, my dear?" 'A "The next time I find you here HI-- well, I'll discharge her--and do the , cooking myself." He has never offended > : since. , ( "I DON'T say marriage is a failure," vl said Adam, candidly, as he sat down on . a log just outside the Garden of Eden , and looked hungrily at the fruit on the . other side of the wall, "but if I had re- > )5J mained single this Wouldn't have hap- N pened." , . • r ^ A MEMPHIS darftey * *J( arraigned a -t'/ii short time since, charged with the lar- : »"4j ceny of some wood; "I bought de wood, ' ^ and dat I knows I did; but to save my soul from de gallis I cannot tell de man . | I bought it of, kase I bought it in de 5 dark. I guess I'll plead guilty." MR. JONATHAN TRAMP--Yon are charming to-night' Miss Penelope Peaehblow--Indeed! What nice things you men say! Mr. Brown just told me the same thing. Mr. Jonathan Tramp (anxious to depreciate his rival)--Of course you don't believe he meant it?" BERTIE -- Who made the match ? Ethel--Mamma. "Who broke it off?" "Papa." "Well, what did you and the young gentleman have to do with it, anyway?" "Oh we sympathized with each other when it was made and con­ gratulated eAoh other when it was tab- ken-off. ' • /te'i •'t Potn® Doctor (cautictaslyT --Tottr husband is suffering from overwork or excessive indulgence in alcoholic stimu­ lants it is, ahem, a little difficulty to tell which. Anxious wife -- Oh, it's overwork. Why, he can't even go to a theater without rushing out half a ddzen times to see his business partners. OMAHA Belle--Ma, I really do believe that George is getting ready to propose. Omaha . Mamma--What inspires that hope? Omaha Belle--Well, last night he asked me if pa is doing well in busi­ ness, and when I told him that pa is getting rich he put his arm around me and balled me his silver star and his golden nope. HE was an artist courting the daugh­ ter of a retired sea captain. While they were seated together one evening in the dimly-lighted parlor, lie was sur­ prised by the hoarse exclamation of the ancient mariner in the next room: "Cast off that painter!" But she ex­ plained that her father was only talk­ ing in his sleep, and that a "punter" was a rope attached to a ship's small boat, and the engagement proceeded. ; | MT SHIP, ' 8be fell in love with the harbor booy; . ® ^ Bho couldn't have loved him more; -' , ' ; *»t one day jealousy spoilt their Joy-- ^. jle caught her hugging the shont ^ Tfkey fixed it up In the good old way, 'vf'fi.r> Ax you can determine with e&M, j ' ! f-'H t'ih wgr her captain wrote me the other day: , -- " " tajtbreasa.* " . ^She's enjoying a smacking breeM. :3: '--: v.! -4 I Uii Fooled the Bishop. A good story is told by the Brooklyn Cittten of one of the most popular clergymen in a city not one hundred miles from Brooklyn. He is a pldbsant, genial man? and on a certain evening in every week a few ol his brother priests meet at the rectory and they spend to­ gether an hour or two in a social way. Some curmudgeon in the neighbor­ hood happening to get a glimpse through the blinds at a bottle and glasses Mid the smoke of cigars aud to hear the sound of cheerful laughter, thought it behooved* him to let the bishop know what was goin on. Thereupon he wrote to that distinguished functionary, of course greatly exaggerating what he had seen and heard. The worthy priest got wind of this in some mysterious way and was on his guard. One night while he and his friends were enjoying themselves a ring came to the door. Going up-stairs to the second floor the good father saw the brougham of $ familiar build standing outside. Rais* ' ,' ing the window he looked down apd ^ discovered the bishop on the stoo)k. r t?* Sr * "Who's there?"' • ' ; "It's I, the bishop," wa« the reply., " -Oh, go along! You are an im- ? «• poetor," said the priest. "The bishop *• "/> is a decent gentleman, and would never be roaming around the streets at this * time of night. Be off with you at onoe S or I'll call for the police and have yon ,1 taken in as a suspicious character." With that he banged down the win­ dow and went baok to his friends. The bishop paid no more late visits to the rectory, and the pleasant weekly^ •posimn is continued, / Settling aa Old tirndgtr ' Wife--Don't fail to insert aa adv f̂ tisement about poor lost Fido. v "}•? Husband--Fear not. (Exit.) ^ - Wife reads in paper the following , morning: "Ten dollars reward. Lost , last Monday, a measly, hare-lipped, cross-eyed old yellow pup, answering to the name of 'Fido. He has no tail, j* is wild with fleas, has a glass eye, ana j his whines would make a rhinoceroa t shudder. Knows how to bite. Fifty dollars reward if he is hearse.* (Wife faiAts.)--i