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< # ?. BE LOST THE RACK. ipttlide of Ufe In the Whooping Went I was hoofing it along & hijhway in Arkansas, my horse having gone dead lame and being left with a farmer,when a man driving a horse and buggy over­ took me and invited me to ride. I was only too thankful for the offer, and when I got in beside him I liked his looks. He offered me a cigar. We exchanged names. He was informed on politic* and current events. It was a spanking .horse he had, and he kept a steady gait for mile after mile. The only thing about the man that pnzzled me was the way he had of looking behind every few minutes, and I finally in­ quired : "Are yon expecting some friend to . overtake you ?" v "Well, no--not a friend," he replied. "Enemies ?" *It may be that the Sheriff and; his posse will be fools enough to try and overtake me," "My friend," I said after swallowing the lump which suddenly gathered in my throat, "is there any good reason why the Sheriff should want to over­ take you? This is rather blunt, I'll ad­ mit, but if I hurt your feelings I am ready to beg pardon." "Oh, no harm done," he laughed. "I borrowed this horse and rig about two horn's ago without the formality of ask­ ing, and the owner may hope to recover it. Don't give yourself any uneasiness, however. I run to horses and not to highway robbery." • Three miles further on, as we rose a hill, he looked back and then pulled up and said: "We must part here. The Sheriff and half a dozen others are in pursuit, and every pound of weight will now tell." N, ( "I am very much obliged for your kindness." "Oh, not at all. Your society has been reward enough. I would suggest that you enter that thicket and lie close until the party gets by. When an Ar­ kansas Sheriff gets after a stolen horse he means to hurt somebody, and his crowd isn't particular who it shoots at. And say, you needn't make any special effort to report that you have seen me.* Savey?" "J won't." "Then goocUby.* He put the horse on a dead ran, and was out of sight in two minutes. I se­ creted myself as directed, and in a few minutes the posse thundered by in a cloud of dust. I followed at a leisurely gait, and at the end of two hours came upon them, grouped around a tree. Hanging from a limb was the lifeless body ot; my friend of the road, and they were now waiting for the blown and ex­ hausted horses to recuperate. The Use of Hot Water at and Before Medls. Opinions differ as to the effect of the free ingestion of water at meal-times, but the view generally received is prob­ ably that it dilutes the gastric juice, and so retards digestion. Apart from the fact that a moderate delay in the process is by^no means a disadvantage, as Sir William Roberts has shown in his explanation of the popularity of tea and coffee, it is more than doubtful whether any such effect is in reality produced. When ingested during meals, water may do good by washing out the digested food and by exposing the undigested part more thoroughly to the action of the digestive ferments. Pepsin is a catalytic body, and a given quantity will work almost indefinitely, provided the peptones are removed as they are formed. The good effects of water, drunk freely before meals, have, how­ ever, another beneficial result--it washes away the mucous which is se­ creted by the mucous membrane during the intervals of repose, and favors peristalsis of the whole alimentary tact. The membrane thus cleansed is in a much better condition to receive food and convert it into soluble compounds. The accumulation of mucous is specially marked in the morning, when the gastric walls are covered with a thick, tenacious layer. Food entering the stomach at this time will become covered with this tenacious coating, which for a time pro­ tects it from the action of the gastric ferments, and so retards digestion. The viscid contents, a normal condition in the morning before breakfast, are not suitable to receive food. Exercise be­ fore partaking of a meal stimulates the circulation of the blood and facilitates the flow of blood through the vessels. A glass of water washes out the mucous, partially distends the stomach, wakes up peristalsis, and prepares - the alimentary canal for the morn­ ing meal. Observation has shown that non-irritating liquids pass directly through the "tubular" stomach, and even if food be preseut, they only mix with it to a slight extent.--Medical Classics. A Mighty Mean GirL There is in Washington a young type­ writer whose g >od looks and charming manners justify the sentiments which her employer feels toward her. He is in the habit of dictating his correspond­ ence while her expert fingers transfix the words as he utters them. The o(ther morning he concluded to end the uncer­ tainty which had come into existence by asking her to marry him. She was engaged on some copying when he ap­ proached her and poured out his senti­ ments, and notwithstanding the warmth s of his pleadings kept rigl^t ahead with the cliokety, click, click of the instru­ ment. In fact, she paid so little atten­ tion to him that he became discouraged and left the room, intending to speak to her when her mind was free from hqp- . duties. He went to his lunch and on his return sat down to sign a lot of let­ ters that lay on his desk. There was a large pile and he went through it me­ chanically, until he struck a sheet near 1 the bottom. Jumping to his feet, he | suddenly exclaimed: "Well, I'll be blowed!" The cold, glaring, typewrit­ ten letter read: "Miss Susie: Maybe youH think I'm an old jackass, but I ain't. I mean business. . I know I don't happen to be very pretty, but I'd be good to a family. I was thinking that maybe you'd learn to like me if you'd go to church with me--and give the minister a few min­ utes employment. 4nd this ain't to save any salary either. It's because I want you for your . Say, you ain't listening, are you? Well, I'll come in later when you ain't so busy." ^ A Cluster of Millionaires. In the territory between Dobbs Ferry and Tarrvtown, a distance of only six miles, there reside at the present time sixty-three millionaires, and it is doubt­ ful if any such cluster of rich persons can be found in a similarly small subur­ ban territory in anv other part of the wc-rld. Several of these persons have fortunes BO gigantic as to have attracted the attention of the entire world. Among the number are men who are in charge of some of the largest rail* .4^ .4' road?, telegraph ccmpanie^ijanks and trust companies of the nation. These sixty-three persons are, upon careful computations, estimated to be worth more than $500,000,000 in the aggre­ gate. " Tbe namdl of these wealthy individ­ uals are John Jacob Astor, Kdwai'd S. Jaffrey, John D. Archiliold, Eugene Jones, Dr. John C. Barron, William E. Kingsland, Mrs. William Barton, Mrs. George Lewis,, jr., Mrs. Janies H. Banker, George D. Morgan, Arthur L. Barney, Caroline L. Macy, Mrs. Clara Russell Bacon, F. Otto Matthesscn, Ed­ ward C. Bull, J. Jennings McComb, Edward B. Cobb, Miss E. T. Minturn, Bainbridge S. Clark, George, B. New­ ton, Henry Chauncey, Mrs. Anson G. Phelps, Mrs. Cornelia L. Chauvet, Mrs. •E. S. Paton, Thomas Cochran, Henry Parish, William F. Christie, William Rockefeller, David Dows/ Roswell Skeel. Mrs. Henry Draper, George W. Smith, Timothy C. Eastman, Frederick J. Stone, James Frasier, John Sinclair, Cyrus W. Field, James M. Sigafus, Frederick A. Foster, Samuel B. Schiffe- 1 in, James C. Fargo. Robert Sewell, Mrs. William Fogg, James D. Sarven, Frederick W. Guiteau, Augustine Smith.- Robert Graves, jr., John T. Terry, Jay Gould, Gen. Samuel C. Thomas, Fletcher Harper, Charles L? Tiffany, Alexander Hamilton, Henry VilJard. Mrs. Robert Hoe, Charles C. Worthington, R. E. Hopkins, John G. Wen del, John H. Hall, William H. W ebb, Mrs. Annie L. Howard, J. Henry Whitehouse, Mrs. Henry R. Worthing* ton.-- New York Times. . r History of An Irish Will. Just seven and thirty years ago there died in a village by the Shannon, County Limerick, Ireland, Mrs. Mary Mahon, at an advanced age, leaving a fortune of £50,000. She had numerous relatives in the surrounding localities, each of whom fondly hoped to enjoy at least a portion of the wealth the old lady was known to possess, but when, on the afternoon of the day when the remains of Mary Mahon had been laid to rest in the family vault, the village attorney opened the last will and testa­ ment of the deceased, it was found that s«e had bequeathed the whole of her for­ tune to the Bishop of the Diocese in trust for the Roman Catholic Church for masses to be offered for the repose of her soul. The indignant and disap­ pointed next of kin contested the will in probate on the grounds of want of testamentary capacity on testatrix's part, and also undue clerical influence. A powerful bar was employed on each side, and after a trial of some days' du­ ration a verdict was found annulling the will, the jury being satisfied that when Mrs. Mary Mahon executed the docu­ ment she was wanting in a testamentary ca[.acit~ and that undue clerical in­ fluence liau been exercised. The case was carried on appeal to the Court of Chancery, where it was argued and re-argued, and dragged along its weary way for years, as is usual in that distinguished court. When eventually the rnling of the higher court was handed down sustaining the verdict of the court below, all the next of kin who had contested the case were gathered to the bosom of mother earth. What remained of Mrs. Mary Mahon's original fortune after years of expensive litigation, in the absence of any living relative to press a claim, lapsed to the Crown, and the money thus vested has rapidly accumulated since litigation ceased and now has reaehed the sum of a quarter million dollars. The Crown has always conceded the right to this for­ tune to any relative of the deceased Mary Mahon who could clearly estab­ lish a claim. Capt. Patrick J. Coleman, of the Grattan Guards, Second Battalion Irish Yolunteers, this city, is a graud-nephew of the deceased Mary Mahon, and he believes her only living relative. He has placed his case in the hands of a New York lawyer, as, for an obvious reason lie cannot go to Ireland to per­ sonally prosecute his claim. It will be remembered that Capt. Coleman is the gentleman for whose ar­ rest the British Government offered a very large reward some years ago for alleged complicity in the attempt to blow up the London Mansion House. However he is instructed that the British Crown cannot retain this money should he fully establish his claim to be grand-nephew of Mary Mahon, as he was never a convicted felon, and was only suspected of an offense which baa never been proven against him. The lawyers of Capt. Coleman are al­ ready in communication with the British Legation at Washington regarding his case.--N. 1". News. From the Heart. The very necessaries of life are pur­ chased, in some professions, at the cost of a jest; through the jester's heart be breaking, he must smile or starve. Pub­ lic mention has recently been made of a pitiful yet heroic example of this kind in the case of the late P. H. Welch, a man who made jokes for comic papers while his body was raked with pain, and who, lying in bed during his last illness, still dictated jokes to supply the family needs. An old illustration of John Leech shows the dressing-room of a circus tent, where the ring-master has just ap­ peared to summon a performer to an expectant audience. But the clown, for whom the crowd is waiting, sits, with tears rolling down his painted cheeks, upon the edge of a bed where lies his dying wife. Even that extremity of grief cannot excuse him from the duties of his profession; grins and vul- I gar jokes are still demanded of him, though his heart be breaking. Like these cases, and yet unlike them, was the case of Herr Wachtel, the armv-wagoner, whose songs at the camp-fire had first drawn attention to his wonderful tenor voice. He was singing to enthusiastic audiences in some of the large Western cities of this country. On,e night, the delight of hig listeners knew* no bounds. They rose, mounted their seats, tossed up their hats, waved handkerchiefs and, indeed, gave the singer such a royal round" of applause as few men ever receive. It was noticed that the great singer appeared somewhat tardily for the last act, and at its close, the manager an- _? inced that Herr Wachtel would sing a song of Franz Abt's. Strangely calm, he advanced to the footlights and began, "Each night be­ fore I go to rest." An unearthly sweet­ ness and pathos dwelt in his tones; the music quivered with passionate pain. The Jine, "Good-night, my dearest child." with which the song closed, £6$med like a solemn farewell to the dead, and the audience, affected bA ond . measure, wept as freely as they had ' formerly cheered. They left the hall in silence, and next morning the newspapers stated that Herr Wachtel, during that performance, had received a telegram announcing the death of a beloved child. Tie Preacher and the Snakes. "I want to tell you a good story on Rev. J# Wesley Johnson," remarked a friend of that gentle nan to a reporter. "You wont,Md jou, will you?" *, „ ^NOpe," '• "Well, you know Johnson enjoys fishing about as well as the next one, and is quite successful, too; and he thought he understood the ins and outs of the sport pretty thoroughly; but he learned something the last time he was out. It was one day last week he gath­ ered iu his poles, and, having secured a fine lot of live bait, went to the lakes southeast of town to put in the dav. He arrived safely, and had excellent luck from the start. Big fat perch and gamey bass nabbed at his bait as soon as his line touched the water, and he soon had a fine string. After a while, not wishing to bestow all his patronage on one place, he went to another, leaving his string of fish in the water, tied to a root. "At the new place he caught another nice string, and leaving them where he had caught them again changed his base of operations. At the third place he had the same excellent luck, and soon had the third string of fine fish. Finally he concluded that he had better get the result of Jiis catch together, thinking he had about all he could carry to the train station, so he started to the plaice where his first string was, and there he beheld a sight which would have struck terror to the heart of some men, for they would have thought that they 'had 'em' sure! There in the edge of the water where he had left his fish, the, astonished dominie saw a writhing, seething mass of snakes. He gathered a pole and beat the reptiles off, and found that they had eaten his fish to the gills. He then hastened to whore his second string was and found more snakes there than at the other place, and they were having a great feast of his fish. Then the preacher was as mad as a preacher can well get, and the way he used his pole on the pile of hungry rep­ tiles was a caution. He had" been thinking all day long how agreeably he was going to surprise his friends' by sending them a nice mess of fish of his catching, and then to have them eaten up by a lot of nasty snakes! He started back to where he had left his last string, declaring that he would take that Btring of fish and his lines and leave and never again fish in that neighbor­ hood, which was so alive with the var­ mints which had been a plague to the world and a companion of tlie evil one since the time of Adam. "The clerical gentleman's feelings can better be imagined than described when on arriving at his fishing-place lie found his last remaining lot of fish sur- sounded by more snakes than he had ever seen in one place before. As he began winding up his lines preparatory to departure he set to thinking seriously. this was a plague sent upon him by divine direction for something he had done which had displeased the ' Ruler of All; such things were done in i olden times, why not now? As he was j revolving these thoughts in his mind some boys--natives of the neighborhood --approached, and he addressed them: 'Boys, do you ever fish here?' "'Yep.' " 'Do the snakes ever bother your fish?' " 'Nope.' " " 'Why, I had three strings in differr ent places und the snakes ate them all.' " *H-e-l-l, course snakes'll eat 'em if ye leave 'em in the water this time o' year. Yotter know that much.'" The preacher went home a sadder but wiser man.--Joplin (Mo.) News. Old-Tiine Navigation. In accounting for the frequent' col­ lisions at sea nowadays, it is often re­ marked that there are so many more ships afloat. This is not altogether a satisfactory reason. It is true that the commerce of the world is greatly in­ creased and extended. To offset tins in a. measure, it may be shown that our modern ships have a carrying capacity ten times greater than the ships of the last century, to say nothing of what they were in earlier times. Again, the improved methods of keep- ftig the ship's reckoning ought to re­ duce the risks of collision. The real explanation of the disasters is rather to be found in the circumstance that now vessels sail independently of one an­ other, while a hundred years ago or so the merchantmen used to be despatched in fleets, and these were under a con­ voy. An armed vessel was deemed necessary to protect them. An old log recently printed throws much light on eighteenth-century sail­ ing. Commodore Anson sailed down the Channel in 1740 with ten men-of-war, and in charge of one hundred and fifty sail of merchantmen, all more or less in sight, with nothing but sail power to help them. Hadley's quadrant was invented about 1731, so that there was almost time- ten years--for it to have been adopted by the navy. But there were as yet no chronomet­ ers, and the ancient mariner was forced when driving in the streets of Moscow, [ he saw a policeman arrest a peasant be- | cause of s«...,.)e very slight offer.ee against the police regulations, and lead him along the street. Ordering his coach­ man to halt, the Count rushed up to the policeman and asked him if he could, read. • "Certainly." , ...... *' ' "Have yon read theBible?* The answer was again iu the affirma­ tive. •, .. "Then," continued the Count to the surprised officer, "do riot forget that w< are commanded to love our neighbor as ourselves." The policeman looked at him in as­ tonishment for a moment, and then be­ gan an inquisition of his own. "Can vou read?" he asked. "Yes." . . "Have you read the police regula­ tions?" The Count was obliged to "reply iu the negative. "Then," answered the officer, as he proceeded upon hts wav with his victim, "read them before you come here to preach." Horace Greeley. From a chapter of reminiscenced, by P. T. Barnum, in the New York Tri­ bune we take the following: "While I resided in New York Mr. Greeley frequently called on me, and on one occasion stayed with me over a week. He could never write except by raising the desk as high as his head. 1 arranged in my library a desk of that kind expressly for his use, and there lie sat and wrote every day, his private secretary calling for his manuscript for the Tribune. "He wore a pair of thick-soled cow­ hide l)oots, and I begged him while in the house and at his work to take them off and put on a pair of my slippers. He peremptorily refused, and said "he was used to the boots, and it was all right." I insisted that slippers would be more comfortable, add to his pleas­ ure, and even prolong his life. "I guess not," said Mr. Greeley, "but if it did, that would not be of much conse­ quence. It is not the length of a man's life, but the good or evil which he does while here that counts." I urged him to take of his coat and slip on one of my loose dressing-gowns, which lie also declined, but finally accepted. He had many political callers at my residence, asking favors or making sug­ gestions. He alwavs answered them firmly and somewhat dictatorially. He evidently understood them perfectly, and all the subjects they brought before him. On one occasion a seedy-looking individual oalled and asked for Mr. Greeley. At first I hesitated about ad- mittirg him, but he said that he and Gree| were old "cronies," and he mu^, ; As soon as they met Mr. "id, "Sam. have you got around agat^ What have you been doing?" "Sam," who had a red nose, which indicated what his principle occu­ pation was, replied, "Well, Greeley, I have been trying hard to make a living, and I can't do it; 1 want you to get me some place in the Custom House, no matter if it is only a messenger's." "Now, Sam, what is "the use?" said Mr. Greeley, "if I could do that you would bo drunk in two days and only disgrace yourself and give the Collector the chance of lampooing me." "Now, Horace," replied Sam, "you have holped me a good many times, and I have promised you oftep to reform; but, if you will try it once more, you may depend I will stick to my resolu­ tions, and you will have saved ni6 from the }>oorhouse." „ "Well, Sam, it is very discouraging," said Mr. Greeley, "but I will try you once more." Slipping off his dressing- gown and putting on his coat, he took "Sam" into a Fifth avenue stage and rode down to the Custom House. On his return I asked him if he got a place for Sam. "Yes," he said, "I have got him a situation where he can keep the •wolf from the door, if he only has the pluck and resolution to do it. But I am afraid it is too late." "How can you have the patience," I asked, "to follow up such fellows and help them to such an extent ?" " Oh," he replied, "once in a while we can save a poor fellow, and that pays for the mistakes we make in helping those who have not the good sense to help themselves." Marriage Customs. The joining of right hands in ancient times had the solemnity and validity of an oath. Giving a ring is supposed to indicate the oternity of the unions, seeing that a circle is endless. Under the Roman empire marriage was simply a civil contract; hence we read of men "putting away" their wives. Among the Jews the rule was for a maiden to marry on the fourth and widow on the fifth day of the week-- not earlier. In Jewish marriages the woman is set on the right, but through Christendom her place in the ceremonv is on the left. In a Roman marriage the bride was purchased by the bridegroom's pay- to depend for his longitude almost en- • ment of three pieces of copper money tirely upon dead reckoning; feeling his to her parents. way into the chops of the Channel by The custom of putting a vail upon repeated casts of the deep-sea lead, and the maid before the betrothal was done making careful notes of such geology as i to conceal her blushes at the first touch came up on the tallow on the bottom of it. Thus, "Brought too, sounded thirty- five fathums, ouzy sand aud broken shels." "Sounded thirty-eight fathums course grey sand with Hake's teeth." Maybe She, Too, Wanted to Smoke. A lady attempted to get into one of the smokef's seats on car 134 yesterday, rather than not get a seat at all, but was rudely repulsed by the conductor, who ordered her into another seat which was already full, but where she was given a crammed space. When the passenger spoke to theaconductor about it he informed her that it was against the rules of the road for ladies to ride on the smokers' seat. "But if the ladies can stand it surely the smokers need not object when there is plenty of room, as there is now," she remonstrated. If the conductor was right, then their should be a sign to that effect. "For smokers only," or a pen with wire netting, or something that will effectually set aside the smokers' Beat in the car, whether any one is in them or not. One lady, who sat in the smokers' seats rather than stand on the shelf at the side, was uold repeatedly by the conductor that tho seats were reserved for smokers. "\ery well," she said, "how do yon know but that I may want to smoke?"--Detroit Free Press. Literature for the Force. The celebrated novelist, Count Leo Tolstoi, as is well-knoAvn, gave up his literary work to a great extent, and busied himself chiefly with manual labor, and the spread of the "gospel of brotherly love. A short time ago, of the man's hand, and at the closing kiss. Kissing the bride the moment the marriage ceremonial ended, though not now prescribed by the rubric of the Western churches, formerly was an imperative act on the part of the bride­ groom. The early marriage ceremony among the Anglo-Saxons consisted merely of hand fastening, and pledging each ot|ier love and affection in the presence orfriends and relatives. Heartless Poetical Joke. A Milwaukee gentleman, who is a trifle worldly, recently played a mean trick on his wife, who is a church mem­ ber and heavy-weight Christian. She purchased one of those large-sized music-boxes some time since, .with an attachment in its construction which would allow ot the changing of its cyl­ inders. With the box came three cylinders which played only sacred music, and after several days of "Hold the Fort," "Onward ! Christian Soldiers," etc., etc., with variations, the wicked hus­ band yearned for a change of mnsic-- something quick and devilish, so to speak. The minister and several church members were to drop in that evening, and the evil-minded husband decided to "queer" that music-box, as he ex­ pressed it. Upon going down town he stopped in at the music store, and, after a whis­ pered consultation with the shopman, a mysterious package was handed to him, and he quietly took his departure. At night, when he went home to sup­ per, he slyly sneaked over to where the music-box stood, removed the cyl­ inder, and put one in its place. This done he removed the two extra ones from the drawer beneath the box and substituted two more. Later in the evening the minister and several meml;?rs of his flock as­ sembled in the sitting-room, and during a pause in the conversation the hostess exclaimed, as though she had just thought of it: "Oh, by Mie way, elder, I want you to hear lurv sweetly my music-box plays 'Abid'.; with me.'" The minister said that he would be delighted, and the good little woman tripped over to the box, where, after winding it up, she pulled the trigger and set it going. As the sweet strains of "Tommy, Make Room for Your Uncle" floated out on the atmosphere, the minister looked puzzled, then grave, then pale, while the poor little woman almost dropped dead. "We Won't Go Home Till Morning," "Denny McGunnigan's Daughter," "Mary Ann," and several others followed in quick succession, and the minister was about to offer up a prayer, when the hostess stopped the music, and capped the climax by faint­ ing away. When the guests had de­ parted a little later, and the wronged wife had been put to bed. the wicked husband changed the cylinders once more, and now Ids wife doosn't know whether she had a horrible dream or whether her music-box suddenly went out of its mind. (J-«-'•*< Be Merciful to Yourself; Aaiheed tbe appeals for assistance pat forth by your liver, when the organ is out of order. Among these are distress in the right side and through the right shoulder blade, yellowness of the skin and eyeballs, furred tongue, sour breath, sick headache, and, above all, irregu­ larity of the bowels. The mercy you extend to the afflicted organ is wisely shown by a prompt eourse of medication with Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, most genial of altoratives, and tho hepatic gland early reciprocates the deserved attention by resuming its secretive functions actively and regularly. Among the' accompany­ ing good results are renewed digestion, freedom from headaches, ana a resumption of activity of the I'owels. All bilious symptouix disappear, and appetite aud sleep improve. Beneficent are the effects of the Bitters iu malarial disease, kidney disorder, rheumatic ailments aud nervousness. Just Like the tiirls. A good story is told at the expense of one of the young fellows of the academy who conceived a strong liking for a bright-eyed seminary girl. The lady teachers never permit boxes from A Me or elsewhere containing appetite tempters to be received by their fair charges. The young fellow I speak of evidently did not know of this rule, or else he had forgotten. At any rate, he sent his lady-love a box containing a variety of dainties, cakes, pies, and an assortment of confectionery that would have tempted the eyes of a connois­ seur. Of course the box was inter­ cepted by some argus-eved -lady teach­ ers, and good Miss McKeen seated herself to write the young man a note, at the same time informing the re­ cipient of liis favor that the box must be returned. But, alas! The dear old lady knew not the wiles of those sweet girls, and while she penned her curt letter in­ forming the young man--pointedly, we may believe--of the full enormity of his offense, the fair charges extricated the contents of the box, filled it up with old shoes, and did it up again with a skill that avoided detection, and, while the good lady principal was peacefully snoring in her bed that night, it is safe to assume that they did full justice to the good things so opportunely secured to them. When the expressman brought that box back to the young man, it is safe to say, he was mad. He concluded, however, that it would be a shame to lose so many good things, and accord­ ingly redirected it and sent it to a kind, older brother at college. Just what the elder brother's feelings were when he opened it is one of the things which a curious public has not yet been able to discover.-- Andover let­ ter. "THERE i9 a tide in tho affairs of men which, if taken at the flood, leads on to fortune." If your affairs are at a low ebb now, don't fail to writo to B. F. Johnson & Co.. 1009 Main St.. Richmond, Va., who have plans that will enable you to make money rapidly. Didn't Work It Right. Old Clerk--When you hear the boss say anything you want to laugh as though it was the best joke you ever heard. It will get you into his good graces. Employer (ten minutes after to new clerk)--I want you to be more prompt in getting in in the morning. New Clerk (acting on his senior's ad­ vice)--Ha! ha! ha I haw! haw! haw! Good, good. Employer -- You impudent young man. Sir, you may consider yourself discharged. And the young man firmly resolved never to take any one's advice after that. A Matched Team. "Well, aren't Mr. and Mrs. Jones a team ?" said Jenkins as ha watched his host and hostess contributing to the comfort and hilarity of their guests. "Yes," ruefully observed their littler son Johnny, who had been coerced into good behavior for the evening; "they're a spanking teatj."--Buffalo Courier. Evidence that Man Is Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. An old preacher, after service one Sunday, announced his reading for the following Sunday. During the week, some mischievous boys obtained his Bible and pasted two of the leaves together, right where he was to read. Sunday morning coming, the agfd divine opened his book and read as follows: " And Noah took unto himself a wife who was "--and here he turned the leaf--" forty cubits broad, one hundred and forty cubits long." With a look of astonishment, he wiped his glasses, re-read and verified the pas­ sage, and then said: " My friends, although I have read the Bible many times, this is the first time I have ever seen this passage, but I take it as another evidence of the fact that man is most fearfully an<|X wonderfully made." DOBBINS' Electric Soap doe9 not chap the hands, being perfectly pure. Many people afflicted with Salt Rheum have be«n cured by its use. Preserves and whitens clothes. Have your grocer order it and try it note. Delicacy Itself. Diggs--That man Jiggs is, without doubt, the most ingenious fellow I ever knew. Now, the way in which he in­ formed Mrs. Spooner of the sudden death of her husband was so delicate and thoughttul. Figgs--How did he do it ? Diggs--Why, he went around and hired Dr. Palate's worst hammering patient to go up and break the news gradually to her^flHan- Tcpics. An Extraordinary Feat. I saw two women jugglers at Jep- pore, says an American who recently traveled through India. They were blight, intelligent girls, one of whom appeared almost old enough to be the mother of the other. They did many wonderful things, one of which was mixing up sand in water, and then, putting the hand into the discolored fluid, they brought a handful of sand which they filtered throHgh their fin­ gers as dry as before it went in. The youngest of these girls was perhaps 15. She was tall, well-formed, and fine-looking. She had bracelets on arms and on feet, and her eyes were as beautiful as those of a gazelle. One of her tricks was the lifting of a heavy chair by her eyelids, the thought of which almost makes my eyes sore. The chair was a heavy mahogany one, which belonged to the room in which I was staying. She tied two strong strings to the top of this, and affixed the ends of these strings to her eyes by little round metal cups, each about the size of a nickel. These fitted over the eyeballs and under the lids, and she bent oyer while they were so fast­ ened. Raising herself, she pulled up ' he chair with these strings with the muscles of her eyelids, and carried it from one side of the room to the other. It was a horrible sight, and as she took the metal cups from her eyes they filled with water, and she almost sank to the floor. I told her the trick was disgust­ ing, and that she ought never to try it again. Still, for this and the rest of the show these girls were well satisfied with two rupees, or about 70 cents. • Confidence Begot of Success. So confident are the manufacturers of that world-famed remedy. Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery, that it will do all that they represent, in the cure of liver, blood and lung diseases, that, after witnessing its thousands of cures for many years past, they now feel warranted in "selling it (a* they are doing, through drusf-rists) under a positive guarantee of its giving satisfaction in every case, or money paid for it will be refunded. No medicine of ordinary merit could be sold under such severe conditions with profit to its proprietors, and no other medicine for tho diseas -s for which it is recommended was ever before sold under a guarantee of a cure or no pay. In all blood taints and impurities of whatever name or nature, it is most positive in its curative ef­ fects. Pimples, blotches, eruptions and all skin and scalp diseases are radically cured by this wonderful medicine. Scro'ulous disease may affect the glands, causing swellings or "tumors; the bones, causing "fe­ ver-sores," "white-swellings," or "hip-joint disease;" or the tissues of the lungs, caus­ ing pulmonary consumption. No matter in which one or its myriad forms it crops out. or manifests itself, "flolden Medical Discov­ ery" will cure it if used porseveringly and in time. , • ITS thousands of cures are the best ad* vettisemcnts for Dr. Sago's Catarrh Rem­ edy. Johnstown Relics. > With very few exceptions, all the New York "boys" of the press who did duty at Johnstown brought back relics of the eventful trip. Among a collec­ tion which I happened to see was a gravure type of the Madonna. The flood had evidently torn the picture frame, but the face was not marred in the least. The relic was pasted upon a large wlute sheet of cardboard, and the whole piece framed so that the ragged and torn edges were visible. Among the same collection was a mar­ ble which had been taken from the lit­ tle hand of a dead child which the reporter had stumbled over tho first night he spent on the site of the deso­ late village. A more interesting souveuir, but one fraught with more sad recollections, is the silver half-dollar wrapped in a piece of brown paper, upon which was writ­ ten the following sentences: "Three and a half pounds of brown sugar, one }>ound of starch; yeast cake." The handwriting was that of a woman, and the coin and paper were tightly clenched in the hands of "a 12-year-old girl, whose body was found half buried in the sand. It Will Fill a Long Felt Want. Cnmso--I see that' Edison- has in­ vented a machine by means of which a person's face can be seen miles away. Mrs. Cumso--O, how nice! You 11 get one, George, and then when we go to the theater you can see a.man on the street without leaving your seat.-- Life. FATHEB--Why would* you like to be the Prince of Wales, my boy? Small Boy--'Cause then I could see a big base-ball-game fur nothln'. Out of Sorts Is a feeling peculiar to persom; <>I dyspeptic ten­ dency, or it may be caused by chanse of climate, season, or life. The stomach is out of order, the head aches or does not feel right, appetite ia ca­ pricious, the uervpH seem overworked, the mind is confused and irritable. This condition finds an excellent corrective iu Hood's Sarsaparilla, which, by its regulating and toning powers, soon restores harmony to the system, and i^ives that strength of mind, nerves, and body which makes one feel weU. Hood's Sarsaparilla Bold by all druggists. $1: six for $r>. Prepared only « by C. 1. UUUi) & CO.. Apothecaries, Lowell, Mass. IOO CoSe«5 On® Roller kiinew not timfor thr horse's feet. _ "tor Safetv H« in-Holder Co., Holly. rWlch, 4ENTION THIS PAPER WHIN WAIN** *o $5 $25 S100 to MR m <t*T. jiajnple* worth iimfp l *2.15, FRKB; „ Write Brews- m HOUR SV&* brco«r_ MKDIOAL CO., FKKK1NS Richmond, Va. Rheumatism Cured •BAUO*MO . MEEHAS*A*VDBEIERC(I HflUP CTIinV Bookkwpimr .Business Fornix •at w I till I •Penmnn*hin.Arit,in;rtir,FhoS» hand, etc., thnronshly tanrtt hrmirtl. CireulaW free. BRYANT'S BUSINESS COLLEGE, Buffalo, SJ. MhVTION THIS PAPER >m. fllTfilPS FRENCH VITALfZERS. UStSSf'A vni I VII UMalf ft»4 «|J UfftSwU ISpate A* tUcrai n« I MENTION THIS BR. HIGHLAND PARK, ILL., NORTHWESTERN MILITARY ACADE Prepares for Collepe, the Government Academii nnd Business. Send for Catalogue. CHADWRCK-S MANUAL.' 7 in. x !i in. TO lip | WSI BASE BALL SENT FREE on application '.» losin* THE0B0 He by ftdrtwMuir •• Box: ECF, r iiada., Ri AGENTS per month and exj ui* Pmd ,nv *ctlre m,n 01 woman to Mil WAKTEU •* "to »> hoi*. 3hU»ry~. Iiy r«"«ptly *nii »tpnin la Mhaam. Ml] UN tteol-TB and sample MM FRES. W«Man] Off AQV "J. St**di»rd Sllrerun ofiLSIii.t'p., Lock Ito BS08. ™ .MiCNTUSM THIS FAl'tK WHJIX vunjn TO , DETECTIVES wrnmtMiu ercry rnimtT. *"• -r • I uuiln IIIIIMIIIM la our Secret Sprvk-e. Fxp^nrr TMH - -mtrr.Heed2c. WinniitDtlicM vcBuraaitCo. 44 Arcada, CMmmIuC Piso'a Remedy for Catarrh Is tbe Best, Easiest to Use, and fhen,n»st C A T A R R H Sold by druggists or sent by 50c. & T. Hazeltine, Warren, Pa. --OF TM-- HALF RATES TO THE " ! REGIONS WEST, SOUTHWEST, NORTHWEST. «.'°rjpartle»lar» ea!I on your Ticket Arent or addras* K a . g U 8 T 1 3 , Q « n ' l P a s s , A g t . . C . B . « R . » i FREE TRADE PRICES! >0 PltUTKI TIOS! RO (OMNIUM S45««um$1i We are now selling on HB. tliWIiKI SUSEI SCVUtlHr Cllft--«*me as cut-- compM» with all attachments and w ranted for 5 years tor only (dtt. (•end for circnlarand see foil de­ scription of this and other stria* tnM. A. SOUl.IJEN * COu i ;83West Lake St., Chicago, fit MLNTION THIS PAPER ww wimM n i & .• '$! • DADWAY'S II READY RELIEF. THE GREAT CONQUEROR OF NHfc 1 Applied externally, instantly TII'NT-- Sprain*, Bruln<*s. RnfkRiihe, Pain In tlM* "Afe Cheat, or Sides, Headache, Toothache, or ^ »IIV nilarnai ( OMiKgTIOJM- • IXFS.AMMATIONS, "Rheumatism, Neural-* .. Sia. l.uiubago. Sciatica, Fains in thaSwtt . of the Hack, etc. CURES ALL SUMNER COMPUUITS, ^ ('r:«iiips, Spnsma, Sour Stomach, Nausea* ViimitinK, Heartburn, DIARRHOEA, Celle, Cholera .Morbus, Fainting Spells, later- .j« nally, half to a teaspoonful in half a tana % 1 bier of water. 50«. a bottle. All Oranirtk • An excellent and mild Cathartic. Purebr ' Vegetable. The Safest and best Medicia* », in the world for the Cure of all Di^unian of the ?: LIVER, STOMACH OR BOWELS, A Taken according to directions tb.ey w8S ' restore health and renew vitality. ' Price 25 cts. a Bsx. bold by all Driifvitta. AIMER'S MAGNETIC INHALI If; M Price. Oae PaMar. Magnetism and Menthol as ait- Remedial and Curative Agent. , ' ^ ..'j- -I ftons time to ttme many luftngtMB stag dtfrTu-- fcave been ]>iaced upon the market claiming to coca catarrh, neuralgia, bronchitis, etc.. luauy of whiotk are said to contain electric or magnetic curativ» powers. Dr. Palmer Is a gentleman who has devoted a Hta of study to tlie subject of catarrh and diseases of the head, throat, and lungs, and some time since ha commenced a series ot experiments with a view to determining whether any combination could he termed which would kill the parasite aud act as a healing power at the waiue time, aad at ien«th HUC- ceeded in determining that menthol, when emubina® with magnetism. Uvould do HO, but how to arrange tliefe seemingly opposite agents HO as to render their use convenient and effectual was a question o* Rome difficulty. At length he succeeded iuconttnias within h vulcanite tube three inches long and aboat three-quarters o£ an inch in diameter a pertect i Betic battery in the form of ti coil of steel Wie­ the interior of this battery is stored a tiue gr.tde ( imported menthol. The ends ot the tube Lire cios by nickel caps, which, when removed, admit of i tee inhalation of the electro-mentliolized air. Tine menthol acts aa a germacide, while tk" magneBa- e^ectric force stimulating the weakened nerves oC the diseased parts into healthy actiou forms a wo*. derlul healing power, thereby successfully stopping »ity turther depredations. The fumes when inhaled are refreshing and ooa^ ing, and for the immediate relie-i and speedy cureaf catarrh, cold in the head, hay fever, headache, near ralgia. catarrhal deafness, etc.. it is unetiualed. It cures headache in live minutes. Sore th oat in one of the diseases immediately affected by the 1»- haier. Commencing cold* can be broken up in Mi hours by u tew inspirations from this little hen?t'afr tor. To ,'lear the throat and head, aud product*souujk and refreshing sleep at night, it has no etiual. Hm*- inspiration is pit asaut and effect wonderful. Nothing like it has ever been placed on the markMk before. I s rice is moderate. Its working is vclous. aud no taiuily can afford to be without one these inventions. Beware of imitation, as there are unscmpuloafc perso's eugaged m the manufacture of a spuria OB. fnlia er that strongly resembles the geituine. Full directions, te-timonials, etc.. sent with ea^db instrument. If vou are afflicted with Caiarrh. send fl.09 f:et a Magnetic Inhaler, which is certain taaff-M nstant relief «'id u permanent cure. Address * U % .tdeai .•iosed A MONTH and more la earned by graduate - who spent 6 months or less at the collt ge. Seud address of 2) \ frieuds and get circular and beauti- i _ _ _ ful specimens of penmanship FRKB. I Both sexes attend. Shorthand taught by mail. BUSINESS COhLKUfi. Sterling, IU. When .vou dare to eay that Jones of Binghamton, Bing- I ham ton, N. Y., doesn't Bell the very best FIVE-TON A. GAVISK, Western Agent, '471 Franklin Chicaisii ill. Beam Bos, Tare Iieam,:Vr»g|» Free price list, every sizc.^OU ' Jones he pay* the freight." NORTHERN PACIFIC II LOW PRICE RAILROAD LANDS 9 FREE Government LANDS. erailXIOSS or icin of In Minnesota. North Dakota. Montana, Idaho. Washiniitoti and Oregon. CCIIH CAD Publications with Maps deseribinglfca dCHI) rUn BEST Agricultural, iSra lng and TU» bar Land* now open to Settlers Sent Fre®. Aodj*i <m t. JOSEPH H. HUNTER, OnrM fndi C\ N. U. I prescribe and folly* dor?« Big U as the c specific for the cartain c of thla disease. G. U. IK a RAH AM. ̂ ft. We have aold BteCt M| many years, and it bat m triTfn the Mat of «tft» taction. D. K. DYCHE * CO, Chicago, 11$, SI.00. Sold b> Droggiattfe No. 35 ~8» "r •VITHKN WRITING TO ADVKKT1SKR& " TV jilraM any yoa aaw the ailvertiM-mtat in this paper. ATTORNEY. WASHBOTOX, IX C.. Wl I. t.KT VOI R rKXSION without DELAY, B ryant & Station Chicago Business Csilege! - ' • SHORT-HAND INSTITUTE and ENGLISH TRAINING SCHOOL. I*UwSTA2«IWUM» , "'i INSTimitlS >od th» XiAKOBST X*r '1'lUi WOXUjS! FullinfamB*-, » tioa, C&talofpie, terms, ete., sent KKEK. Address H. H. BKYANT A ~ . We recommend ihia college to oar readers. Meaiioa tkU »w»r wkca yen writ*, i k * . . - v i ' i i r f j " * ! ' T f n i l i B f i M i i