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THERE'S HO OP TRYING. 1 ^T«aas Married Couples Can't Couceml jJ-'H v Their Happiom Crum tba KavHras "World. T, J £:f I' is ft Pullman porter, who is talking to an attentive scribe. fcv* "Hardly a week goes by, says the fct • porter, "that I don't see a bridal couple < > just starting out on their honeymoon. «I don't exactly know how I can tell ' . them, but they are as plainly marked £ . to my eyea as if they had the words **'•*. 'bride' and 'groom' stamped in big 7 ^letters on their foreheads. There is T*V' /something- about them that gives the situation away--a kind of cling- •Y" "rightnext-to-me-darling air. Of course, "v\ have made a mistake now and then, K # : *..but it is seldom I do, and I've often i * * found out, after changing my mind two ? / .or three times that I was right after all, 'though certain appearances were against it. We generally have a test which • never fails, and when a doubtful party comes along we spring it on them, just to be sure, vou know. • " What's the test? Well, m tell you. Not many weeks ago a couple got into my car and sat down quietly in their armchairs as if they had been used to it all their lives. These didn't seem to ^ ^ have the bride and groom air about . fthein at all, and from external appear- • a.ncea they might have been brother and ^--""Sister or married for years, but still there was a something there that made rue suspicious, so when I saw them to- r.-V, !g©ther I went to the news company's ? - "hoj and I says: 'Bill, here's a doubtful 'vpavty; get out the sample copies.' 'A "So Bill got his tests and started ' : e ffthrough the car. He handed books to " . everybody, and when he came to the ^ . ' ' .suspected party he took out of his pile gp%'ftwo little books and said, so nearly 1 1 - "everybody could hear him: 'Useful books, BIT; hints on housekeeping and hints to newly married people. Only 25 .scents.' ' "That did it. The girl got as red as | ̂ ; 7086 an<l the man blushed and said a ffi' ' fweak sort of 'N-n-n-no.' Then they flooked at each other and sort of snick- V„ _. lered, and I caught him full in the eye and smiled a sweet smile, giving him a respectful wink at the same time. It was all settled in a minute, and there was no doubt about it. Well, he took it good naturedly, and asked me after­ ward how in the world Ije had given himself away--he couldn't imagine. I made believe we could always tell, and talked so nicely he gave me a dollar when I got through. "There are plenty of other giveaways by which I can spot a' bride and a groom, and they are as safe generally as the test. One day a couple came in the car--which, by the way, was jamful --arid the raop-" they entered it was plain as day that they were newly wedded. I passed by them once or twice, and then went in my closetrand got the dustpan and brush. I walked right up to where the bride was sitting and dusted up a panful of rice that lav on the floor around her iu a complete circle. Well, if the people i»j tbat car dida't Jangh, J'm annther. ' L- "The cuotomof throwing rice after a bridal oup'e always makes it unpleas­ ant for the party, as lots of rice is al­ most sure to #3tick to their clothe3, ha's, and iu their hair. About the funniest ' thing I ever saw was that which hap­ pened in my car just two or three weeks ago. A c >nple came in, and the test revealed to me that they were bride and groom. They didn't seem to lake kindly to it, however, and we couldn't gfet any satisfaction out of them at all. By and by the man said to his wife: 'Seems to me this umbrella is not rolled .up very nice.' "Then he carefully unrolled it, and, bezing! out came three or four pocket- fuls of rice all over tho seats and floor. Their friends had rolled up a lot inside the folds of the umbrella, and, next to the young man I heard tell about who, when he went to sign his name in a hotel register, dropped a lot of rice on the book when he took off his hat, it was the most binding thing I ever "knew."--Philadelphia Record. from a high-class manufacturer, but it costs more than it is worth. In addi* tion to the soap for bathing, white castile should be kept for bathing the hair. Occasionally a little borax or ammonia may be used for this purpose, but it is usually too harsh in its effects. --Family Doctor. A Tough Yarn. "Talking of life-preservers," said the truthful mariner as he knocked the ashes out of his pipe, "you remember the old steamer Roustabout that used to run from Buffalo to Chicago? I was mate on her the year before she was lost. We were about sixty miles out from Chicago when Mike L?,nagan, who was doing something up on the mast, fell, struck on his head off the roof ol the cabin and bounced clean out into the lake. Well, the captain he see him fall and he stopped and backed that old Roustabout quicker'n you could say 'scat.' Mike went down like a plum­ met, for he was knocked insensible, and 1 know'd there was no use to heave a life-preserver for him so I jest hurried up the boys in getting the boat down, although I didn't expect it 'ud do much good. We had Jim King on board. Passenger from Chicago. You remem­ ber Jim King, don't you?" "Can't say that I do,"remarked a by­ stander. " Well, Jim was champion quoit- thrower in them days. He's dead now, poor fellow, but Jim was a hoss on throwiug quoits. I tell you quoits were a great game them days. Every village had a quoit club and the boys on the farms used to throw hoss-shoes. It was something like base ball ixi these times, although I never oould see as much fun in base ball as I could see in a good game of quoits." "Oh. come off," cried the impatient listener. "What did Jim do, oi; did he do anything? Did the man drown?" "Now, don't be too fly. Who's teUin' this yarn ?" "Well, you don't seem to be." "Go on! Go on!" said the crowd. "Well, you know, in quoits a 'ringer' was when you put the quoit around the stake. It counted double. Well, Jim he picks up the round life preserver-- it's like a great big quoit, you know-- and as the Capp'n came running aft, Jim he si*>gs out/ 'Capp'n, I'll bet you $o I'll make a ringer on that man if he ^omes up within the length of this line."' " 'Bet you $20 you can't,'" said the capp'n. " 'Take you,"' said Jim, and just at that minit up bobs Mike's head about sixty feet astern. Jim threw it, and I'll be durned if that life preserver didn't go plump over on Mike's head clear down on his shoulders, p-*"® t'.jre it stuck. We got down the boat, and when we got to Mike he hsdu't come to yet, and didn't for some time after. He'd been a goner if it hadn't been . fui t'^t ringer, although it took the skin offen hu nose." tLe captain pay the §20?" " "Pay it? Yon jist bet he did. And Jim lie handed it over to Mike, and Mike he blew it all in when we got tc Detroit. I wish some of it was here now, fur I'm mighty dry. Thanks. I)on't mind if I do." ppr- JOYXER'S BE3£ BY OPIE P. BEAD. over the diamond, "it's your business to see it. Everybody who was watching saw that this man didn't touch the seo- -1 t J 1-.- <!?_ A » A flatboat had just landed at Joyner's , ond base and h^ is out. «nfl on thn T.ithlo W* Tk, » :.i Bend on the Little Red River. The lazy loungers and the industrious liars had gone down to the landing; the hali'- clad negro boys had thrown down their fishing poles, and, with wide-open eyes, were standing about. Some one"ex­ claimed: "Yonder comes Knock-Kneed Bob. Fetch out de cards, fellers, fur dat nigger gwine ter buck ergin us." The cards were brought out, and were thrown down on a bale of cotton; old Bob, paying no attention to the cards, stood gazing at the boat, "What's de matter, Bob?" a deck­ hand cried. "W'y, I 'lewed you'd be shnffiin' dem dar pastebo's by dis time. 'Gospul folks ain't got atter you, is da?" Bob sat down on a stump "and a num­ ber of deck hands, astonished at his re­ fusal to play, gathered about him, ex­ pecting to hear a miraculous story of reformation. "Look yare, nigger," said an old fel­ low known as Flat-Head Kinchin. "Wharfo' you ack so cuis in er 'munitv dat is so straightfor'd an' ter de pint? Dar lays de cards on de bale; vare is de boys jinglin' de dimes mighty like da ken hardly hoi' 'em in dar pockets. Wy I would'ter come up on dis trip ter- day lessen I hadenter thought dat I gwine ter git some o' dat money whut you totes round in yo* jeans. Look yare, man, whut is de "matter wid He is not oiit," said the umpire. "Well, he ought tq.b^ out," said the player. "I fine you $5," said the umpire. "You can fine as much as you please,* said .the player, "but I say that man is out." "I make that $10." ' "I see your $10," cried the base ball player, now thoroughly enraged, "and will go you $10 better. You have no business on the ball field if you do such injustice as that." "All right," said the umpire, "I fine you $20." "Fine and be hanged," cried the other. "Look here," said the umpire, "that'll cost you just $50." He said this with the air of a man who had concluded matters. "Well," said the player, "it is worth $50 to have the pleasure of telling you just what kind of an umpire you tire. What's an umpire on the grounds for, I should like to know ?" "A $100," said the umpire. "Exactly; that's just about the good you are to put on fines but not do any umpiring. Your eyes might as well he on the back of your head." "That fellow evidently thinks," said the umpire to one of the directors after­ wards. "that I'll lemit those fines, but How the Hawaii Revolt Was Pnt Down. Two ambitious subjects of King Kal- akaua pf Hawaii attempted to over­ throw the Government the other day. They attacked the royal palace with a crowd of valiant ragamuffins at their heels and made a dangerous demonstra­ tion with a brass cannon or two. But the martial king, who had been "taking in the town" with some boon Compan­ ions, and who, therefore, had escaped being cooped up in the palace, rallied the Honolulu militia and prepared to do or die. The rebels were soon driven to cover in a bungalow, where they waited for reinforcements. The civil •war in Hawaii was at a standstill. Both parties rested on their arms. At this crisis some follower of the King suggested dynamite. It was a happy thought. Dynamite was pro­ cured and put in bottles along with a great deal of ominous scrap iron. The next question was: How should the dynamite be brought in contact with the rebels? The distance wife too great for an ordinary man to hurl the bottles and no one could suggest any other way to explode their contents in the proper place. Then his Majesty Kalakaua spoke. "Bring," he said, "the pitcher of the "Honolulu Base Ball Club." The pitcher was brought. He had learned his art from*" Captain Anson's men, when those Chicafcoans sailed around the world last year. He hast­ ened to put a few bottles oi dynamite where they would do the rebels the most harm. Many were killed and wounded by the explosions. The rest surrendered. This is the first armed rebellion ever put down by a baseball player. We live in a frivolous age. Even war has > its humorous side--in Honolulu.--Chi­ cago Daily News. A Girl's Toilet Articles. A sensible girl will not keep a lot of cosmetics and drags on her toilet table, but there are a few articles she should always have in a convenient place. She should have an array of glass stopped bottles containing alcohol, alum, cam- phor, borax, ammonia and glycerine or s vaseline. A little camphor or water may be used as a wash for the mouth and throat if the breath is not sweet. • Powdered alum applied to a fever sore t will prevent it from becoming very un­ sightly and noticeable. Insect stings or eruptions on the skin are removed by alcohol. A few grains of alum in I tepid water will relieve people whose .hands perspire very freely, rendering . them unpleasantly moist. A few drops of sulphuric acid in the water are also ; beneficial for this purpose, and are also desirable for those whose feet, perspire .freely. We should always recommend ? care in the use of scented soap; in many cases the perfume is simply a disguise ^for poor quality. A good glycerine or phoney soap is always preferable. Of ' • i , A & A . v « g l v A n *' *• ' Fifty-seven Guineas for a Pock ol Cards. Fifty-seven guineas is not a bad price for a pack of cards, and it was given a day or two since by a dealer at a sale held in Birmingham. The pack is stated to be the only one of its kind in the world. . Every card is specially en­ graved, and the pack comprises an ex­ haustive pictorial history of the princi­ pal events in the reign of Queen Anne down to 1706. They include the vic­ tories of Marlborough, the sea fights ol Admiral Benbow, all the various changes connected with the parliament­ ary proceedings of the day, and the conclusion of the treaties between En­ gland and France and Spain. The queen of hearts is a very well drawn picture of Queen Anne herself, and the king of hearts represents Prince George of Denmark, her husband. The queen of diamonds is Annie Sophia, Queen ol Denmark ; the queen of clubs is the Princess Royal of Prussia, and the queen of spades is the Princess Anne ol Russia. The knaves were represented by leading politicians of the day. This curious pack was the occasion of much spirited bidding between the gentlemen who held commissions for the purchase. Had they gone to one of these local art gallery would have eventually received them. As it is, their destination is Shropshire.--Pall Mall Gazette. Deceitful Man. Mrs. Brown -- Such impudence! There's that Mrs. Robinson was in here to-day to know if her daughter Jennie could be placed under your protection next time you go to New York. ' Mr. Brown (delighted, for Jennie Robinson is very pretty, but feigning to be annoyed)--That old Mrs. Robinson is an idiot. Tlie idea! Catch me being seen in the cars in company with her daughter, that freckle-faced, turnup- nosed, red-headed fright! Mrs. B.--What! Why Miss Robin­ son is considered the belle of the town, and is described as having golden hair, a lily complexion and a Grecian face. Mr. B.--Fiddlesticks! That's be­ cause she's got some money in her own right. Every wealthy girl is beautiful. I want none of her company. Mrs. B. (after a pause)--Well, my dear, I think you had better take Jen­ nie under your protection. We should be polite «o the Robinsons. They are well off, and they have always been good neighbors. Mr. B. (in a whirl of delight though apparently with great reluotance)-- Well if you say so Mrs. B.--Yes, I think ycfu had better look after Jennie. I'll run over and tell her mother its all right*--Boston Courier. " Moss Bottle. I would like to tell the little people how to make something pretty. Take a bottle holding about three pints, of round shape, with a long neck, such as an old beer bottle; get mamma to give yon one of her old stockings (cotton), cut off the foot and gather the leg closely and tie well; put your bottle in this, stretching it quite tight, and tie around the top of the bottle, or rather an inch from the top; now, with a stick, poke the rest of the leg inside the bottle. The stocking leg should be as long inside the bottle as it is outside. Wet the outside and fill the bottle with water, roll it in timothy seed, taking care have seed adhere evenly all around; hang in a warm sunny place and fill the bottle with soft water twice a day; wet the outside at the same time, but be careful not to wash the seeds out of their places, and in a few days your bottle will be covered with a beau- J tiful green moss; but you must keep the stocking moist or the seed will not grow.--Western Mural,. "He doesnt care for the fine," said the director, "that man's worth $750,- 000." "Good gracious," cried tho umpire, as he fainted on the ground.--Detroit Free iVes*. you, nohow ? Some preacher done got! I tell you they go. I don't stand such de swing on yo . Some mo'ner's bench chinning and then take back the fine." politician dun vinced you dat yo'g Wine -- ter de place whar de worm ain't dead yit, an' whar dar ain't been no water poured on de fire?" "Genermen," old Bob replied,1 "I didn' come down yare ter gamble. I ain' gwine gamble no mo'. I wan ter see de cap'n of de boat ter see ef I kaint «git some plank." "What in do worP you want wid plank, man? Cut dem pastebo'ds dar an' let us dance ter de musis o' de silver jingle." "No, I tells you," Bob replied. "I tells you no, flat-footed. Day befo' yis- tidy w'en dis boat wuz up yare I gam­ bled wid you. I didn' come down fur de purpose o' gamblin', nuther. My little gal wuz sick, an my wife she gin me 30 cents, all de moner dar wuz on de place, an' tole me to hurry ter de plan'ation drug sto' up de bayou yonder an' git some medicine. I got 'long yare jest as dis boat landed, an' you gener­ men wanted me ter play cards wid you. 'Wall,' thinks I, '30 cents ain't gwine buy nuff medicine ter do much good, so I'll try my luck fur a minit or two, caze I feels like I ken win anyhow.'" "An' you did win," old Kinchin ex- claiiped. "Yas, I did win. I win $10. Den I struck er trot fur de sto', an' w'en I got dar I felt so proud o' my 'bility dat I thought I'd treat myself ter er little licker; so atter gitten de medicine I tuck er drink o' licker. Den some o' de boys drapped in and w© had some mo'. 'Den,' thinks^;I, 'dar has sich luck come ter me dat I er-ford ter 'joy myse'f right yare. I sailed in, I did, an' bought er quart, an' den putty soon I started home. I cut ercross er near way through the woods, but I hadn't gone fur till I met one o' ole Ab's boys. We sat down on er log an' looked at de sun through my bottle. De next mornin' I woke up, lyin' side er log in de swamp. De fust thing I thought erbout wuz de medicine. I clapped my lrsn' on my pocket an' dar it wuz. Den I hurried on home thinkin 'bout my little gal-- thinkin' o' her sweet song in de ebenin' atter all her work wuz done. Jest be- for' I got home I met ole Aunt Silvy Johnson. " 'Good mawnin', Aunt*Silvy,' says L * 'Good mawnin', Bob,' she 'plied, an stopped in de path. She stood fur a few minits, an' den said : " 'I has jest left yo' house.-' "Dat's jes like you. Aunt Silvy, huntin' for places whar folks is sick. De Lawd ain't furget you. Wall, I mus' hurry on home wid dis yare medi­ cine so my little gal ken sing ergin in de ebenin' when her work is done.' " 'You neenter hurry now,' said she. 4Yo' little gal's ebenin' has come, an' her work is done. De little lady is dead." "Generman," the old negro added, as he took up his hat, "I'se come down ter see de cap'n o' de boat ter git some plank ter make a coffin outen." -- America. Don't Toss the Baby. The throwing a baby into the air and catching him again is always a risky practice, certain though the tosser may be of his quickness of eye and sureness of hands. A sudden and unexpected movement of the child in his mid-air flight may result in a cruel fall. Baldness* The life-time of each individual hair is from two to six years. At the end of that time the hair falls out, and is at once replaced by another which grows from the same root-sheath. In a healthy scalp this process con­ tinues indefinitely; but iu certain dis­ eases the life-history of the hair is not so long, and the hairs die and fall out before their full length is reached. The next generation may have still less vitality, and the same process may con­ tinue until there is left an area covered with a stunted growth of poorly-devel­ oped hairs. Later, even these may fall out, leaving a patch entirely bald, or covered with a fine, downy growth. The condition occurs more frequently iu women that in men, and often follows exhausting diseases, such as scrofula, fevers and nervous exhaustion. In ordinary baldness the history is entirely different. Here, the fully- grown hairs drop out and are replaced at once by the downy ones, and when these disappear, a smooth, shining sur­ face of skin is left. In this case there is an atrophy of the hair bulbs, and consequently the hair can never be re­ stored. In the former case the trouble is due to deficient nutrition, and if this defect can be remedied the hair will grow again. Certain diseases, especially those ac­ companied with high temperature, are usually-followed by more or less com­ plete loss of hair. Typhoid fever pre­ sents a very notable example of such an effect. In some forms of neuralgia, alsoi there is a baldness along the course of the affected nerve. A very curious phenomenon is the falling of the hair in small, isolated, round or oval patches, which are apt to be at the back of the head. They are small at first but gradually increase in size away from the centre. Several patches may thus run together and oauso a baldness of nearly the entire scalp. This condition, occurs in both sexes, and especially in the young. Some­ times there is itching and tenderness in the spot, but in other cases there is no local symptoms to give warning of the approach of the disease. The cause of this affection is not surely known, but very likely it is due to some nervous disturbance. It is comforting to know that, with the exception of the baldness of old age, the loss of hair may be only tem­ porary, and that, with restoration to health and the removal of the particu­ lar cause, the hairs will grow again. A general course of tonics, with shampooing and proper applications, will give good results, although it is sometimes months before a perfect cure is established.--Youth's Companion. One of the Smartest. "Come over and get introduced to one of the smartest girls in Philadelphia," said the Colonel the other morning, after we had finished our cigars. "I ^ young father snatched up his I don't call her a beauty, but she is highly baby boy one morning and tossed him ! educated and as sharp as a razor." to the ceiling. Twice tho little fel- I "Detroit, Detroit," she mused as we low went flying through the air and j were introduced. " Oh, yes, I can place came down safely into the waiting arms. The third time the excited child gave a spring of delight as his father's hands released him, plunged forward, and pitching over the father's shoulder, fell head downward to the floor. When the poor child came out of the stupor in which he lay for hours, it was found that, although no bones had been broken, the brain had sus­ tained an injury that would in all prob­ ability render the child an imbecile. Another baby snatched from the floor and tossed into the air, received a fatal wound in the top of the head from the pointed ornament of a chandelier. Still another child .slipped between her father's hands as he caught at her in her downward flight, and although his frenzied grasp on the baby's arm saved her from falling to the ground, it now. I was wandering whether it was in Quebec or Ontario. I was there once." "Indeed." "Yes, and the people were celebrat­ ing the Queen's birthday." "I see." "They were celebrating it by a snow and ice carnival. You are a vefy patri­ otic people." "Well, yes." "I suppose the Johnstown horror has rendered them somewhat apprehensive in Detroit?" "As to what, ma'am?" "Why that Lake Michigan might burst out and sweep you all away." "Oh, we don't ieel any fear of that." "Don't you, indeed. Ah! yes, but how stupid of me! The Rocky Moun­ tains are between you and the lake, of it wrenched the muscles and sinews so ' course. Are there many wild animals cruelly that the girl's arm was shrunken j left in Detroit ?" and practically useless to her all her ; "A few grizzly bears and mountain life. These are extreme cases, but the ; lions." fact of their occurring at all should be ; "And the Indians?" enough to warn one from the habit of i "They never approach within a mile relinquishing one's hold on a child j of the stockade, and they don't kill over when tossing it.--Harper's Bazar. a dozen people a week." "How nice! I must sit down some­ time and talk to you a whole half-day." When the Colonel and I had returned to our end of the veranda I looked at him. He had his face turned away. It was all of two minutes before he slowly wheeled arourd and brought his fist the exolama- ^ Astonished the Umpire. There is a base ball player in one of the leagues who is worth" a very large sum of money. He does not play for the cash there is in it, but for an enthu­ siasm of the great game of base ball. He is a gentlemanly fellow, who has a 1 down on his knee with temper of his own when he is roused. , tjon: The other day a player on the opposite j "Well, IU side made a hit which he thought was a j Free Press, Lome run, and which, because of the umpire's unwatchfulness, proved to be one. He lammed around the bases, and coming to second cut the corner, speed­ ing to third without having touched second base. The player in question loudly called the umpire's attention to it, and, as the umpire was looking di- " at direction, it seemed to him ht to have seen it. on," said the player, "that ver touched second base. *aid the umpire, that I <,11" pl»ye* $onuag be hanged!"--Detroit The Mystery of a Flannel Shirt. When the flannel is brought home the proud husband and father dons it and £oes forth to defy the sweltering heat'of a July day. The next week it is washed, and then it is just about the size for the twelve-year-old son. An- nother week roals round, and it is just fit for the baby. The fourth week it descends to Betsy's doll, and the fifth week it vanishes altogether--disappears mysteriously. It was seen to go into the washtub, but that was the last of jLr-^SocIte iUrti&aiAL Of Course They DM. Jk- mall boy was crying and making use of some very emphatic expressions and exclamations the other day, when a gentleman halted and observed: "Tut, tut, my boy! Such words as those won't help your case any." In backing- up he struck the same loose plank which had tripped the boy up, and he fell at full length and roll­ ed off the curb-stone. He gave proper vent to his feelings as he lay there, and as he struggled up, the boy ex­ claimed : "What do you say now? Didn't they help you a heap?" \ ^ To Those Interested. _ HASTINGS, Mich., April 29.18891 Blieuillktic Syrup Co., Jackson. Mich: GENTS--This is to certify that I had been troubled with rheumatism in all its forms for the past twelve years, and was confined to my bed at various periods from three to Six months at a time. I could get «.Wat only hr the aid of crutcnes. I employed several first-class physicians of this city, none of whom effected a euro or gave tem­ porary relief even. About two years ago I was induoed to try Hibbard's Jtneumatio Syrup, and. after taking a few Dottles I experienced relief, and now consider rnyeelf cured. I unhesi­ tatingly recommend this medicine for rheumatism. I know what it has done for me. what physicians could not do, L e., cured me of rheumatism. MRS. E. J. KmmsijD. Ask your druggist for it. X certify to the above statement. FEED L. HEATH, Druggist. A Case of Conscience. of conscience has lately oome to 6uf notice which is so exceptional as to merit attention. A merchant in this city some time ago applied to the Gov­ ernor for an appointment as a Justice of the Peace. His application was favorably acted upon, and he took the usual oath to obey all the laws of the Commonwealth. After taking the oath it occurred to him that there were some things he would have to give up if he obeyed his conscience. He enjoyed an occasional game of poker, for instance: but he must give this up or prove false to his oath. He was addicted to nu­ merous other fashionable vices, which, though not particularly deep-dyed, are contrary to the law. Thinking it all over he concluded that he couldn't live up to his oath, and so he sent in his resignation.--Boston Herald. erjr Risky IndHd. To tamper with symptoms indicative of grow­ ing kidney disorder; to neglect for a brief time needful •timulation of the renal organs when their inactivity points, as It always and unmis­ takably does, to their eventual permanent dis­ ease, is certainly very risky indeed. This is, however, a risk that many persons peroeptibly drifting Into Brlght's disease, diabetes, catarrh of the bladder, etc., constantly Incur. To those who read, reflect and heed the lessons of record­ ed experience, the advisability of using Ho8tet­ ter's Stomach Bitters as a diuretic ueeda scarce­ ly more than a suggestion. No fact is more generally admitted by the medical profession and the public than its efficacy for the preven­ tion of Berious renal diHease. Tho unmedicat- ed excitants of commerce, MO matter how pure, bear in mind, react prejudicially upon tho kid­ neys M'hen inactive. The Bitters subdues '"v laita, constipation and rheumatism. The Road to Wealth. "Mr. Jones!" said the old million­ aire. "Yes, sir," answered the private sec­ retary. • "Here are fifty begging lettofik An­ swer them all with a refusal." "Yes, sir." "And you will observe that every one has a two-cent stamp inclosed tax "C, Bir." ' "Well, answer them on a postal."-- Society. #. 9 * The Best Testimonial Tet published for aby blood medicine Is the printed guarantee of the manufacturers of Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery, which trarranis that wonderiul medicine to benefit or cure in all cases of those diseases ' for which it is recommonded, or money paid for it will be returned. It cures all diseases arising from torpid liver and im­ pure blood, and their names are legion. All Skin. Scalp and Scrofulous affeotions. Eruptions, Bores and Swellings, Salt ltheum. Tetter, Erysipelas and kindred diseases are among those in which the "Discovery" effected marvelous cures. : WHEN everything else fails Dr. Sage's Catarrh Bemedy cures. SO cents, by drug­ gists. "Hi, there ! Can't you see that sign, 'No fishing on thqse grounds?'" Col­ ored fisherman--"Co'se I kin see de sign. Ts cuilud, boss, but I ain't so ignorant as to fish on no groun's; I'm fishin' in de crick." Hibbard's Rheumatic and Lirer Pills. Those Tills are scientifically compounded, uniform in action. No griping pain so com­ monly following the use of pills. They are adapted to both adults and children with perfect safety. We sjiariinteo they have no equal in the cure of Sick Headache, Con­ stipation. Dy.-pepsia. Biliousness; and. as an appetizer, they excel any other prepara­ tion. MRS. SOCIETY (of Chicago)--"How is business, Mrs. Elite?" Mrs. Elite'-- "Picking up, my dear. I added $5,000 a year to my alimony income by my last two divorces." For Rickets, Marasmus, and all Wait­ ing Disorders of Children Scott'a Emulsion of Pure Cod Liver Oil, tetih Mypophosphites, Is unequaled. The rapidity with which children gain flesh and strength upon it is very wonderful. "I have used Scott's Emulsion in cases of Rickets and Marasmus of long standing. In every case the improvement was marked."--J. M. MAIN, M. D., New York. Sold by all Drug­ gists. * "THE days o! miracles are past" That may be, and yet some of the most wonder­ ful things ever wituessed by the human family have occurred within the last dec­ ade. Not the least of these wonders is the success which the agents of B. F. John­ son & Co.. Richmond, Ya., are meeting. Write them for particulars. They will show you how to work wonders. EX-QUEEN ISABEL.LA of Spain, who delights in music, is herself an accom­ plished harpist and has a highly cultivated voice. NEABLY every article sold is cheapened. In cost of production, at expense of quality. Dobbins' Electric Soap is exactly to-day what it was in 18G5, absolutely pure harm­ less and uniform. Ask your grocer for it. STRAKGE as it may appear, there is no­ body fresher in company than the old salt. A 10c. smoke for Be.--"Tansill's Punch." Salt Rheum Often causes gnat agony with itsintenee Itching and burning. Hood's SarsaDariila, the great blood puri­ fier, cures salt rheum, and all skin diseases. It thoroughly cleanses, renovates, and enriches Um blood, tiive it a trial. "After the failure of three skillful physicians to cure my boy of salt rheum, I tried Hood's Bars spa- rill a and Olive Ointment. I have now used foar boxes of Ointment and one and a half bottles of 8arsaparilla, and the boy is to all appearances com­ pletely cured. He Is now four years old, and ha* been afflicted since he was Bix months of ago.* Mas. B. SANDKBSOX, 56 Newhall Street. Lowell, Mam, Hood's Sarsaparilla Bold by all druggists. $1; six for $5. Prepared ots^T by C. 1. HOOD ft CO., Apothecaries, Lowell, Mass. o Doses One Dollar 940 cart for SIS. Catalogue (•,» tree, i mrioesni.c to., PAPER VBSH VSITIN* to ASfinaai, M HOUR CO* 1 h4 :DYf*i XX GOHCUF.n3 PAm. Believes nnd cur«s j UEADACIIE, RHEUMATISM, Toothache, Sprains, NEURALGIA, BRUISES, Sciatica, Lumbago, ] Burns and Scalds. AT DRUGGISTS AND DEAT.FRS, _TOECHARLES A. V06ELER CO..Baltimore.M. Elf's Cream Balm WII.I. CURE CATARRH g Prlco so Cent*. ~| * ...I Avply Balm into each nostril. KLV BB08., MS Warren St.. N. ¥. £| AO Family Scale, Bras* Beam and Scoop, teTIHIMM, HOME STUDY .BusinessForms, « PenmsnaJiin, ̂ Tit)iTO?«r,Short-h«ld, etc., thoroutrlily tausli t by mail, arcu)ar* m lb. Platform, ?I6; 1.638 lb.. »15; 1,500 1W ton W«*on 8oal*. »«0;!*ton FKISiS. Am **•»!• <'*> , Chieaye. Ill, mps Bead for list of urn article* at one-half ' reL UWCAOO BCALB Co., ChleagoTnL B PAPER « 't# t|ft § kUnes not under th B«ron!es worth fluafREBt ..... Hie horse Rfeet. Write ter Safety Rein-Holder Co., Haiti*. Mlrh, fail TUB FAHCR mm nmn T» I«H»--m BASEBALL HON THIS PAPER Hive KMMW cf • toy T>fer*t«T. RATAITS French vitauzers. Vfl I WH W Msaly VigrST, th* SB• T Utf! TFFUL AND !.®«! TU-UITT KIESW*. A ' jiy mail. tor Cirsuitn ir**, DR. QAiON, *0 ASWRUTtMrna. r >-- B*st Wagon mads S50. B'lg- J gies,Carriages. Harness, etc., torlil't. I'HU'AtiOM'UX CO., CMetig®. MENTION THIS FAPKK *>• BDOER'8 P/WTItlSaSfl HIGHLAND PARK, ILL., NORTHWESTERN MILITARY ACADEMfr, Prepares for College, the Government Academies, snd for Catalogue. and Business. Send Plso's Remedy for Catarrh It tbe Best, Easiest to Use, and Cheapest. CATARRH 8old by druggists or sent by «*•»«• 50c. E, T. Hazeltlne, Warren, Pa. AfiENTR*70 P*r month and expem ' y paid any utn man ot woman t»Mlt Mr« WANTED W nunpl* aad lira at konw. Bakry paid ly prwnptly and wpwn In adwaiw. Fallpar- (III (Ionian and aample MM FRKK. W. MAAJNM ii anw whatwntay. Htaadnrd Silverware lUlHT. V.. toO BOJT TEmraTtAnTunaM (KNTION THIS PAftii CMAOWICrt MANUAL. SENT FREE THEObORE HOLLAND, P. 0. Box 120. Pbita4a.,Pft. A 8 T H M A . PmteM'* AtthM 9»*cfS«. Belief in m smnnm. WM. OOOHOM, Uaioner. Hi.,writ**: "IhaTenotha® io sit tip an hour for thiea vears. I hope 0m ml that invented the S»*cnrHS may have i- vprfaxting lite ana (fail's biesnting whl'e be livea'Sold by Ul dnNKista, J1 l>e r box by maiUpoetpa i FAMILY •EE,*- A UMtrranitd V. A StGuuktr& Family Scale. iC "unce to Zt4 pounds, sett free anywhere in tT. 8. on receipt of price. Price list of allgi»s free. Ad* drei-s "JONES, hf pays the freighl* liinghamtoD. N. T. HALF RATES FarmiiFrbinS WEST, SOUTHWEST, NORTHWEST. For particnlara call on yonr Ticket Agent w addme Paaa. Agt.,C. B. A a. &.,Chte*40~ FREE TRADE PRICES! ft!iiTK..no*! soMimun §4§.i»!ffllSf§ We arf now wtlin? our |?|t. MipNiaVEl tilSIR SEWKU-•t--same »s cut -- complete !i all at'segments and witp-ranted for r> j*psr» tor only i-fiul for >;r.uiar and we tall de> soription of this and other stvle* *- M. A. SCUI.I«KJi * CO- i West Lake St., Chicago, DL 11LMTION THIS PAPtH wmm, mvmmm w ON TRIAL FOR DETECTIVES Wanted lit trrry enimtr. 8hr*wd m.a ta aft under InMnictfcu. ta cmr SUfccrH Experience not h^eaaarv. (tamps 8rannanDetectlv*BureauCd.44Arcad«, Cincinnati,& DADWAY 11 READY RE '3 RELIEF. THE filtlAT CONQUEROR OF PAIN, Applied externally, Instantly relieves Sprains, Itruisss, Backache, Pain In the Chest or Sides, Headache, Toothache, or any other external pain, CONGESTIONS, DSFI.AMM.ATIONS, ItheumatiNiu. Neural- gln. I.umhago, Sciatica, Pains in tho Small of the Back, eto. CURES ALL SUMMER COMPLAINTS, Cramps, Spasms, Sour Stomach, Kau«ea, Vomiting, Heartburn, I>l AKIitHKA. Colic, Cholera Morbus, Fainting Spells, Intcr- Bklly, half to a teaspoonfui iu hair a tum­ bler ol" water. 50c. a bottle. Ail Druggists. RADWAY'S n PILLS, An excellent and mild Cathartic. Purely Vegetable. The Safest and best Medicine In the world for tho Cure of all Disorders of the LIVEB, STOMACH OR BOWELS. Taken according to direction* they will nd renew vitality. restore health ani Price 25 eta. • Bos. bold by *11 Draffffiita. t PU in the Wis THE CHICAGO LEDGES. The proprietor* of this old and well-known paper, being desirous of introducing it to as many MV reader* as po«sible before the new year, offer to Mai' it every week from October l, 1880, to January 1, UHk- to any person who will send - V' in pottage stamps, currency, or postal aote before September 90. JEach number contains from tbraa to Sw continued stories, several complete stories, much other interesting reading which cannot be found in any similar publication. Try it for three months. It is worth three times the price. Writ* name, town, county, and State plainly, and addresa latter* to THE CHICAGO LEDGER. CHICAGO, ILL. im ] Amsterdam, iaT« aol« Mg I prase rlbe and folly * dorse Big G as tba « specific for the certain c of this dis O. H.IKORAHAK.M. IX, STen" tb« i D. B. DYCHK * CO. Chicago, lu. gl.M. BoM by Dregs** Y[THICK WRITING TO AOVEKT1SEBS. J please aay yoa saw tho advertiaeiMat la tbia paper. . - $* '-*1 8 •1 **> -iV i TO HEAL ALL BLOOD CONTAGION. " Thus it tcat the Steift's Specific Brought unto the world its blessing; Over land and over water Went the priest and Uanita, Bringing to the people tidings Of relief from blood contagion-- Of a salutary agent * That would purge them of ail poison -nmor isox rout or "OAMIXA.' Took Off HI* Under Up. Sight years ago a cancer earn* on my lower life had it cut out while it was yet small, and it healad up apparently, but soon broke oat again and com­ menced eating very rapidly. It took off my undai lip from one bide to the other and down to my chin. I had it treated by burning, and got so weak that I did not think that I could stand it much iongar. After much suffering I discarded ail other treatment and began taking Swift's Specific, and the soon began to heal, sad in a short time it wa pletely healed and I was entirely well. It is over three years since 1 got well, and there has I no sign of any return of the disease. I know it m cancer, and I know it wa> cured alone by 3. S. S. X. V. FEBBASD, Ronton. La. 8. 8. 8. cured me of malignant sore throat aaA month, caused by impure blood. Tba tronbla w- tended down to my left lung, which wa# wry seao* The doctors practiced ou me tor three years withowk relief, when 1 left them and took S. S. S. Four botfla* cured me. BEN RILKT, Meridian, Mis*. IVeatlse on Blood and Skin Diseases mailed free. Swrrr SPECIFIC COMPAKY, Drawer & Atlanta, Qa. JOSEPH H. HUNTER, SHORT-HAND INSTITUTE and ENGLISH TRAINING SCHOOL. IstbaWT INSTITUTION and the LARGrBST X3T THB WOXUUD! tton. Catalogue, terras,ere., sent FH£J£. AddressH. & Blil A^T Jt 5«5i, • recommend this cotlese to oar natak Mention this paper wbea yon writs. The man who has iim stttl trum three to STC dollars in A Kubber CVat, and at his first half hour s experience in a storm finds to his torrow that It is hardly a better protection than a mos­ quito netting, not only feels chagrined at being so badly taken in, but also feels if he doe* not look exactly like Ask tort he" H SHI! li A Xlr'SucEM does not hare the FISH BKAKD, send fbrdei we oflir the man who wants serrioa (not style) a garment that will keea> him dry {n the hardest storm. It ia called TOW Eft S FISH l>RAN*l> " SLICKER." u r.iine familiar ta every Cow-boy all over the land. With them the only perfect Wind and Waterproof Coat is Tower's Fish Brand M eter. * and take no other. IfyonTstorekeep** itlre catalogue^ A.J. T.->WKX,AI Simmons St.. Boston. Mass. WET nri l/T w ' V r\