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$ « ;,«* tnw noTXJE. CftUiiot ,j.*m O. i with ait It tai^ftea-- ) you so. to ontrhinw vcmr n<4ghbor« in aVyla, the m<» •• y yon ovra, Ite the poorhouxe soon afcwr affect-- llnr my telling j ou %o. ing and bulging you try to impress W#rld with >our oon sequence. O, - & you are nothing--or j>o«»U»ly less-- .war Ay telliag you ao. ' t l ' . . Ink in m&ke people imagine you're wis® 'tltno' iug of things you doa't know, you're tbe fool that you ttmaew'^r my telling yon ao. go into business minus the cash v;fr r&akes tho mare pvo{>erly go. ' "* "• b struggle -wind up with * ber my telling you so. FjMn fcfy to bo happv without being *,. jmtm tt»9 a life that is slow, ' ^ , •jyajr •MvA And all your Jojra beoooat* gall «p w»- #f* wood - Remember my telling yoa MX *; ttvCM tory to Ixi healthy by swallowing piHa, • W Mutt Mnnl ways overthrow, find you're a vict im of aches and Of Ilia-- vi > y telling you so. Ijryra tBgr to Wb«i doesn't reciprocate, O, t!, And fin<l you are left when you IK for a kts% ".<& ItaiwmW my telling you ao. «•%' - 3a§'< So-so, }\ - Rtwtii iriber iav tolling you ao, ~ t • Free Press. 1 NARROW ESCAPE. BY KSTBEB S. KENNETH. %*Y«oliave a very pretty governess for your little.niece, Mrs. Vane." "Pretty, Mrs. Niloourt? Why, she has red hair!" < "Indeed? I did not observe. I thought ghe had a sweet, face. Only a moment's glimpse, yon know," responded Mrs. Milcourt, warned off dangerous ground. "Very good-looking, perhaps, if not quite underbred," observed Mrs. Yane, preceding her guest through the gar­ den to the bed of new pansies to be ex­ hibited. "She's Allan's fancy. Found her somewhere in a cottage, crying over her dead mother, quite alone in the World. He must needs take her up. Quixotic, you know--all the Elsiug- lmrgs are. There, here are the beau­ ties--King of the Blacks, I believe Mr. Vick calls them." "Charming--charming, indeed." "Syren wore a knot of them in : her acreage, at the levee in the city last •ight," remarked Mrs. "Vane, "All, Syren--yes, Lovely creature! lou cannot deny that your daughter is Ipsautiful, dear Mrs, Yane ?" v "She is considered beautiful, 1 be- Beve," condescendingly. ., ,. "Certainly, certainly!" sure now • of being on right ground. "We seldom kave the pleasure of meeting a young Jftdv like Miss Yane." Mrs. Niloonrt was new to Washing- 4Mi society, and a little afraid of Mr?. "Vane, Senator Elsiugburg'a aunt. 'Also •paost anxious to propitiate her. • ; "And your little nieoe is a charming «bii<iw s .. • !/.;• " -•;; "Angeliqueisa p&f returned» Mol Jfaiae. - • • "" Meanwhile, Syren, at a window of tfaebreattast room, ghrngged her white skoaldwi, «id wondered when that ileourt was going. She had importance to oommuni- mamma. Mrs. Yane came in. " • ^ , , ^ are you not practicing, my ft"'.-. *Mamma,1 have something to tell ;dosliutthe door. Allen is in love gfissFay!" i governess? Preposterous!" NBtfle pitchers have lopg.jaaia, and fools speak the truth, be gave Cecile a book on jr, last week; afcd when she c&ild to walk, Allen joins and goes sauntering streets with them, right in "% faces I* ftl. he's Angelique's brother,"said Jane, casting about for some ex- *4tkim few this threatening aspect, s but Moing very pale. * i J|1 , •That is no reason he shotud pay OOQV^ to her governess, T*Kere i» no •Daason-in trying to stave it off, mamma v-he is dead in love with her. I sns- '^eeteil it when he brought her out here. >3kt»d she is handsome. Now what are *»yg«ii)gto do?" Miss Yme, in Jber perfect jgirl-of-the- jmrtod costume was very pr^tjy, »>iuo of her eyes were rather too jja'6 lie exactly agreeable as slie, Ilieui wide upon her mother^a&Ming^thil •question. They suggested, sotnehonr* «ui unscrupulous nature, . deep selfish ae-cruel ambition. "There is no use making a fuss about tl>e girl. Though I could klil her! and that's, the truth!" in a burst of passion "Hush! hush! There is Angel on the piazza. I don't see," sinking into a ch:tir, for she had been standing, "how tliia has come about. I thought Allen--" "He never cared a straw for me--in tint way. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make hif^drink. Mot that I would leave any stone un­ turned to get Allen, but it's of no use, with that Cecile Fay's beautiful" eves and magnificent hair under his nose every day!" Svren paused. Mrs. Vane did not think to declare that Cecile's hair was •ed. She looked desponding, exces- dvely worried. "Of course something can be done," at last **1 don't know--not much hope," re­ sponded Syren, sulkily; and continued, *1 never shall have another such a etiance as Senator Elsingburg, and the Magnolias." . , "No," musingly. 3>own below the grounds on a hillock overlooking the river, sat Cecile Fay, There was no one in the world to whom abd wished any harm--no . one, you would have thought, looking at that delicate face, that could have wished Iter anv. If not perfectly beautiful, sh»? had, as Svren Yane said, beautiful eyes *od hair clustering upon her shoulders of that rare tint loved by painters, g fgolden-hued. She cared nothing for Mr. Elsing- '• burg's wealth and position, lika'to " lHH*«th from Heaven had come his love fC/;3W« her life. It seemed almost too jpeat a happiness to be true, and she Miked for nothing more on earth, t. As she sat there--tbe child Angelique / playing at her feet with flowers and uses--Mrs. Vane, wearing a shade kand whiteshawl.leisurely approached Her shadow feil? Cecile looked lupi-^ •rose. • ' "Yes, better not sit on the grass, my dear; it raineid yesterday. I am going down to the river; come with me. Come, Angel!" They went down the green, sun- flecked, sloping path. The water shoo!* with a silver glojr, i A » * . Drawn up on the bank was a tin ehallop, with oars. TUe child dancii ^:wOvtake m* toicaw. Mm Fayf- sfii^- erWhl : / *Doc? Miss Fay row. Angel?" ,j "A littic," re<j»onded Cecile. *1 j would like to go out a little way, if w» liiiight take the boat." : "'Certainly; it is Mr. Elsingburg's." IJrs.. Yane saw how Cecile's cheek flashed. Perhaps it was the exertion ol pushing the boat into the water. "Will you come?" she asked1 Mrs. Vane. J "Not yet; let me see you go over to . the island and back first;" as the child j took her seat beside Cecile, and the lat- , ter dexterously lifted tho oars. ! So quickly Cecile pushed off she did not notice that the boat leaked. Nor j did she observe it, the bottom of the shallop being oovered with autumn- { yellow fallen leaves, until the child ; complained that there was water upon her feet. i "I do hot see any water, Angel* "But the leaves are all afloat! There is water under them!" exolaimed th* child. They were already midstream.' ? ̂ "I can row over and ccme back--su'en a short way," thought Cecile. "Put your little feet up on the seat, dear." So they went on, the diamond-bright water drioping from the oar-blades-- sucking, dark, cold and treacherous un­ der the bed of golden leaves. They touched the island--Belle Isle it was called-- and Cecile turned the boat. They were an eighth of a mile from the shore they had left, perhaps. Mrs. Vane stood on the green slope, in her white shawl, watching. Not another human figure was to be seen. East and west the water lay shining among its emerald slopes aud overhanging trees; there was no sound but the merry voice of little Angel. Dear little Angel, it was so nearly her last "good time." The bright dripping oar3 rose and fell. Slower, she is rowing dower," murmured Mrs. Vane. "The boat is growing heavy," And she measured the distance sharply with her narrowing eyes. "The child! but then, there is my child. She shall not be balked by that puny thing." What a weight the boat lias grown to those slender arms! It settled, swayed --the child saw Cecile's look of terror, screamed. For the tiny hole in the boat's bottom had suddenly widened. The water came rushing in--engulfed them. The two fell into eacii other's arras as the shallop went down be:ieatli their feet, submerging them in the gliding stream. Mrs. Yane on the bank stood still,and looked all about. • She saw no one coming. The circles about those two floating heads were growing larger. * Hark! was that a shi.ut ? : ' -I* No. Yes! Another. A horse galloped to the spot. A man--she saw the face of Allen Elsingburg--flung himself off, and almost simultaneously into the water. Then Mrs. Yane began to scream: "O help! help! My dear Cecile and my darling niece are drowning. O help! help! he!p!" A carriage whirled to the spot, and she shrieked more dismally than ever. In fact, she went into very genuine hys­ terics. For there was that ia Mr. Elsing- burg's face as he daehed past her, which made her tremble. She felt that he saw--understood. She saw the two half-drowned, drip­ ping figures drawn out--then rushed away home and hid herself in her cham­ ber. But she heard tbe bustle of the others codfing home; of the master of the Magnolias giving orders; of the servants' eager obedience. By-and-by she heard Allen Elsingburg's step on the stairs. B e opened tbe door--spoke as to ft disol edient child: "I want to speak to you." She came out. "I have no wish," he said, sternly, that a would-be murderous should sleep beneath my roof to-night. Here are tickets for yourself and Syren. You will, if you please, take to-night's boat for the Limes." She answered not a word. So the enemy was overcome and ban­ ished. And as soon as Cecile Fay was convalescent from that terrible exper­ ience--whereby death bad reached her within a hair's breadth--she became the happy wife of Senator Elsingburg; aud to-day is both a happy woman aud an admired queen of Washington society, WtE ARfZOXA JKICK Eli. and the mule the colonel received drubbing which will last him a life A Negro Who Has Handled Billions. Few if any persons in this country have handled more money, and checks, bonds, and other representatives of money than "Uncle" Henry Logan, the messenger of the Register of the Treas­ ury. He. is a colored man, past 70, as punctual as the hands of a clock, and as trustworthy as a burglar-proof safe. His principal function is to" carry checks, warrants, etc., to and from the Regis­ ters office, where they have to bo signed. He has been doing this for twenty-five year.?, with scarcely a day's absence during all that time. He has handled a large part of the bonds and currency issued by the government, and the warrants that have been drawn upon the Treasury. The aggregate in dollars, if it could be figured out, would be high into the billions. Ex­ press companies are 'paid a fixed sum per mile for every thousand dollars they transport for the government, and if "Uncle Henry" had been paid at the same rate he would now be rolling in wealth. He receives a salary of $720 a year, and on this modest income he has been able to buy a home and raise' a large family. Uncle Henry held his place all through Mr. Cleveland's administra­ tion, and bids fair to remain until the infirmities of age compel his retire­ ment. His black face and white hair are in striking contrast. His pleasant, grandfatherly ways make him a general favorite in the department. He says he hasn't any politics.--Cleveland Leader. Expnvlciio.m With Hum in *• ? taira. IVeefctraOt .the following from th# fast issue of the Arizona Kivker: WE ARK LEFT--For the past four weeks our friends have been eagerly pressing us to take the nomination for Mayor on the people's ticket. We do not crave office, and are a very busy man, but the pressure beoame so great we had to give in. Last Tuesday evening the city caucus was held, and instead of being nomi­ nated for Mayor we received only three votes out of upwards of sixty cast. Our friend* were mistaken when they in­ sisted that we were wanted. Instead of being the unanimous choice of the patri­ otic people, we had the pleasure of see­ ing Jerry Baxter, the meanest man in town given the nomination. Oh, well, that's human nature right through, and ah editor fool enough to go into politics deserves to be driven headfirst into the tan-bark as we were, We have a word to say, however, The Kicker will not only bolt every candi­ date on the ticket, but we guarantee to have nine-tenths of the nominees in prison before they are a month older. Veni cum granis! which is Latin for Baying: Don't monkey with a news­ paper man. A. BASE FALSEHOOD--We havelascer tained that it wa3 Col. Kehoe who started the story that we had the pro­ prietor of the Red Star saloon lynched by a mob last week in order tcr avoid paying him a liquor bill of $18. We encountered the colonel in Davis' livery barn yesterday, grabbed him by the throat and baoked him against the heels of a stage mule, and between us th< >bi: time. He acknowledged that he was a liar, slanderer and thief, and that his course towards us was actuated by per­ sonal spite. At that very moment he had on our secand-best undershirt, our Sunday necktie, aud the pantalo6ns that we never wear except ou holidays, aud was in debt to us for mauy other favors. As to the lynching, we suggested it because Tim O'Niel, the victim, had fallen into the habit of killiug a man about seven times a week, and there was every reason to believe that the coro­ ner was standing in with him on the fees. We should have suggested stretching the coroner's neck a little at the same time, but as he brought us in a club of thirteen subscribers we didn't think it would look exactly right. HAVE GOT A FEW--A correspondent inquires if The Kicker has any libel suits on hand, as the result of its inde­ pendent and outspoken course. Well, yes it has a few--about four dozen, we believe, but we are not worrying any. They have all been instituted by sec­ ond class ducks, who haven't any char­ acter to l>e damaged, and the whole batch will probably be thrown out of court in a lump some day. In the be­ ginning of our career a libel suit used to give us the colic for three nights, and we'd wake up from a tronbled sleep to find our cheeks yfet with tears, but we soon got sunburned. "Indeed, we rather prefer to see them come, it looks like business. MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE PROFESSOR-- Ever since we took possession Of our office on Sioux avenue certain people have taken a malicious delight in throw­ ing rocks at the doors and windows at midnight. We put up with it the first six months because we were afraid, aud tbe next six because we liked to see people enjoy themselves. Then we warned the public to let, up or somebody would get hurt. Last Wednesday night a rock weighing three pounds came through our window, and barely missed our head as we lay sleeping on our cot. As we got to the door with a shot-gun, some one could be seen making off over the commons towards Elkins'saloon. We drew on him and pulled trigger, and something uttered a yell. Yesterday the body of Prof. Jenkins was found in the sagebush about two miles from town, and it was plain that he died of a dose of buckshot in the back, Just as likely as not lie was the chap We fired at in the darkness. We didn't owe him any particular grudge, and we didn't know that he did us. and we are willing to foot half the burial expenses at a venture. A BASE COWARD--The item in the Chicago press of recent date, that we had been fatally wounded by a judge for publishing a slander was not exactly correct. In the first place, the indi­ vidual was a cowboy named Rose. In the next place the article was true,, and in the third place, after he had firod five shots at us without touching-a hair, we knocked him silly with a squash which we picked up in front of Sny­ der's grocery; Then we stood on him for about half an hour, and when he went out of town, our brindled dog was ehasing himjp a speed of twenty miles an hour.--Detroit Free Prssts. shelf. Four hours, more and feather* , Be on ligntf* had commenced to shoot out «>d IB« HJWI are going tc do anything,,do it skull to became gristly. At the 264th promptly. hour the eyes appeared, and'afew hours The longer you wait and think about later the ribs were perfect. At the it, and dread it, the worse it will bie. She Was Unusually Discreet. • 'A little Maine girl recently visited New York and went to the theater two or three times. On her return home she was reluctant to go to church on Sunday and made the remark that "she liked those meetings best where the curtains rose." Her father, who was a leading church member, cau­ tioned her against making that remark when the callers were present. Short­ ly aftet the minister was shown in and the little girl entertained him awhile alop®- When her father entered the roQto ;she said, "Papa, I've told thio minister all about my visit to New York, but I didn't say anything about , the meetings where the curtains roa^ * and ain't a going to, either.*' ^ Tltfi Mir tie rogue was just about as discreot as bar pa was when he told her to I keep mum. Why mumness?--Mocklami From Egg to Chick. A French scientist who removed the shell on either side of an egg without injuring the membrane in patches about the size of the diameter of a pea and snugly fitted the opening with bits of glass gives tbe following report of the wonderful experiment: I placed the egg with the glass bull's eye in an incubator, run by clock work and re­ volving once each hour,so that I had the pleasure of looking through aud watch­ ing the change upon the inside at the end of each sixty minutes. No changes were noticeable until after the end of the twelfth hour, when some of the lineaments of the bead and body of the chick made their appearances. The heart appeared to beat at the end of the twenty-fourth hour, and, in forty-eight hours, two vessels of blood were dis­ tinguished, the pulsations being quite visible. At the fiftieth hour an auricle of the heart appeared, much resembling a lace, or noose folded down upon it self. At the end of seventy hours we distinguished wings aud two bubbles lor the brain, one for the bill and two others for the forepart of the head. The liver appeared at the end of the fifth day. At the end of 131 hours the first voluntary motion was observed. Q At the end of 188 hours tbe lungs and stomach had become visible, and four hours later the intestines, the loins and the upper mandible could be distin­ guished. The slimy matter of the brain began to take form and become more compact at the beginning of the seventh day. At the 190th hour the bill first opened and ft*sh began to appear on the breast. At the 194th the sternum ap­ peared. At the 210lh hour the ribs had begun to put out from the back; tiie .bill was quite visible, as was also the gall bladder. At the beginning of the 236th hour the bill had become green, and it is evident that the chiok could xklamre moved laid It bfeen taken from the 331st hour the spleen drew up to the stomach and the lungs to the chest. When the incubator had turned the egg 335 times the bill was frequently opening and closing, as if the chick was gasping for breath. When 451 lidurs had elapsed we heard the first cry of the little imprisoned biped. From that time forward he grew rapidly and came out a full-fledged chick at the proper time. The Pie's Place in History. Secretary Rusk is fond of pie. He loves pie as William the Conqueror loved the tall deer. Unlike the Nor­ man, lie does not want to prevent any­ body else satisfying the taste that dom­ inates him. On the contrary, he would like to see pie on every table in tho land, however humble. There are those who say that pie three times a day is responsible for the dyspepsia of New England; but the more rational belief is that pie is somehow involved with the greatness of Ne*y England, and is part of that common glory which glide our history and irradiates the path of our future. While it I is by no means fixed beyond controversy, there is vet reasonable ground for the belief that the Pilgrims brought over pie with them in the Mayflower. Cer­ tainly there were mighty pasties of venison, and also of fruit, baked in Merry England not long before they went to Holland. The Indians never knew pie, and the Indiaus who were strong and warlike when the Pilgrims landed are now a weak and vanishing race, whereas the descendants of the Pilgrims possess the land. This coin­ cidence will not be lost to thoughtful minds. . Pie and precedence go togeth­ er. The men who faced the British at Concord, the men who toiled all night at Bunker Hill and fought all the next day, were pie-eaters. Massachusetts was the great pie- eating State, and .Massachusetts fur­ nished mqre men than any other State to the Continental Army. There are several allusions to pie in Washington's correspondence. He notes on one occa­ sion that his oook had fallen upon the discovery that apples could be made into pie. It is not a fair presumption that this secret was imparted to him by some New England soldier? Wash­ ington's life guard was largely made up of New Englanders, and was first com­ manded by a New Englander. He loved pie, and he felt himself safe when encircled by the swords of 100 pie-eat­ ers. New Englanders have, developed the West and have carried the flag and the pie to the Pacific. What was sec­ tional has become national; pie and pro­ gress and patriotism are convertible terms. Secretary Rusk does well to encourage pie, strictly as an adminis­ trative measure, for wheat and meat, and fruit and berries, all great products of the field aud the orchard, by the al­ chemy of the kitchen are converted into pie. The Secretary of Agriculture could do no less than indorse pie, but we believe his indorsement is rather due to the pardonable pride of the patriot than the cold forethought of the administrator. When the wise Secre­ tary was Governor of Wisconsin he put down tbe anarchists with an iron hand. They rose against law, property, and morality. Not one of those men had ever eaten pie.--Boston Transcript. t ' Bradded His Boss. The late reunion of the 1st Maine Cavalry veterans called up iqany tales that were current in the early days of the war, when that gallant troop of horsemen left the State where they first skinned their eyes and went down to Virginia for glory and $13 a month. Tho first colonel of that many-battled regiment was bluff John Goddard, an iron-sided old lumberman, who re­ signed soon after going to the front and came home to die. Before the war. he used to take gangs of men into the woods every winter for tho purpose of gotting limbers to be rafted down the Penobscot to the mills when spring should break up the ice bridged that spanned all the streams. Late one fall in the "fifties," a tall, lank Yankee came into Col. Goddard's office and asked for employment as a teamster. "Do you know feo# to drive oxen?" asked Goddard. "I rather reckon I do," was the bash­ ful response.* "Suppose I was a ytike of oxen," said Goddard, getting down on 'all fours" on the office floor, 'and suppose I would not haul, let me see what you would do to make me come up under the yoke." Tho Yankee objected at first but wheu l-e was told that his winter's work depended upon the trial, he took the long-bradded oaken ox goad and began to flourish it over the kneeling God­ dard's head. "Hish, Bright; get up there. Golden. Come here, Star; gee off, Lira," he yelled in turn, but never a move did Goddard make. Finally, getting weary, the teamster inserted the steel brad into Goddard's trousers at a place which is usually concealed by the coat-tails, and burying it fully two inches in the fiedi, yelling as he did so: ** " you, John Goddard, take thaf The coming cavalry colonel got up in a hurry and the Yankee was hired at his own price, proving the best team­ ster in the gang. When tbe cavalry regiment was or­ ganized the humorous teamster went to the front as a private, and when he fell fighting under Grant he had a set of lieutenant's epaulettes on his shoul­ ders. Be on hand. Life is a great deal pleasanter to the man who promptly does what he is required to do. Don't keep your friends waiting. You have no right to waste the time of other people. If you are one-half hour be­ hind time iu fulfilling an engagement, vou may cause a dozen other parties to break engagements, and untold per­ plexities and delays may come out of jnst that little shortcoming of yours which you look upon as such a trifling thing. To an active, energetic, wide-awake person there is nothing more trying and annoying than to be made to wait. Brace up and make an effort, you. shiftless, indolent, always-behind-hand {oiks, and see if you can not come tc tima If you have agreed to be at a certain place at a certain time, be there unless you are sick or dead. In either case you might be excused, but not other­ wise. If you are a man, don't keep your wife waiting dinner for you, unless there is some good and sufficient cause--and generallv there is not. Waiting a din­ ner spoils not only the dinner, but the temper of the woman who is man­ aging it. If you are a woman, and your hus­ band says he will be round at 4 o'clock to take you to drive, be ready for him. Have your bonnet and gloves on. Don't keep him dancing on the sidewalk for half an hour clinging to a fidgety hor.se, while you leisurely get on your wrajyt, and look at your back hair m a hand­ glass, and hunt up your gloves and pour parasol, and wonder whether you lad better take an extra shawl or not. Have all these things attended to and decided on before the time he has fixed. A little system, and a good deal of determination, will help' you to be prompt. And after you once get in the habit of it you will like it. It is refreshing to do business with a party who is always on time, and who, you know, will be on time. He begets courage and confidence in everybody with whom he comes in contact. He is a power in society. He is a blessing to the world. Wheu he dies, he will be missed. Teach the children early to be prompt. Teach them to respect a promise. Bring them up to tell the truth and stick to it. A broken engage­ ment is a lie. Sometimes it is worse than a lie, and may cause a great many more unpleasant complications than a lie. Be careful in making agreements, but wheu you have once agreed, stick to the terms of the agreement. And if yon follow tmt the prompt, punctual, persevering method of doing everything when it xieeds to be done, there are ninety-nine chances out of a hundred that you will be successful in life; and if you are not, you will have the delightful consciousness of knowing that you have deserved success, and you will not be continually beset by the remorseful thought that if you had only come to time--if you had only been on hand--you would have achieved success instead of failure.--Kate in New York Weekly. ^ Queer Salutations. ' " A race known as the Kalmucks resort to a salute very similar to that of tbe Esxuimaux. They, too, rub noses, but before they reach the same spot they sink on. their knees and creep together, wb£n the salutation culminates in an energetic contact of the olfactory or­ gans. In Siam a man throws himself on tbe ground and waits to see whether he will be raised and welcomed or kicked away, the choice of r eception being usually made according to the personal cleanliness of the self-abased saluter. The savages of the Pacific rub each other's noses to show their friendship, varying the peculiar salutation by rub­ bing their faces against the hands ot feet of those for whom they wish to show respect and affection. A Moorish gentleman rides at his friends at a gallop, fires a pistol and fancies he has done everything in the line of oourtesy that can be expected of him. s The Turk crosses his bands upon his breast aud makes a profound obeisance, thus manifesting his regard without coaming into personal contact with its object. The Arabs bug and kiss each other, making simultaneously a host of in­ quiries about each others health and prospects. In some of the South Sea IslanHs the natives spit on their hands and rub the face of the complimented person. The Australian natives practice the singular oustom, when meeting, of stick­ ing out their tongues at each other. Russians consider it the proper thing to press tlieir lips to the foreheads ol the ladies they know intimately. A striking salutation in the South Sea Islands is to fling a jar of watei over the head of one's familiar friend. The Burmese pretend to smell of a person's faoe, pronounce it sweet, and ask for a smell. A Japanese removes his sandals, crosses bis hands, and cries out "spare me." Germans consider it an act ol polite­ ness to kiss a lady's hand. In Germany baoters kiss each other every time they meet. It is common in Arabia Petrre to put cheek to cheek. The Chinaman dismounts whbn a great man is passing by. The Hindoo prostrates himself in the dust before superiors. Battle Between fparrvwa aai a R«i.7 A novel battle was fought recently ing|; a corner of the Brooklyn navy yard, J >ays the New York Star. The combat- j READ* for ft ants were a number of sparrows and a woman. g BORE om LESS AftUSfM. A dead poet--The port Laura start--The hysterical Hit the of die large dock rat. The rat was quietly feeding on a piece of bread, which bad been washed ashore by the tide, when an inquisitive sparrow discovered him. The sparrow did not dare attack the rat alone, but perched on a pole directly above the rodent aud set up a loud chattering, which was immediately answered by another sparrow, that was quickly fol­ lowed by more until the writer counted iwenty-two of the birds. Having gathered their forces the lit­ tle army began a systematic attack on the enemy. All this time the rat paid little or no attention to the birds, being busily engaged in eating. At first thu little robbers formed a circle around the rat. At that moment the rat stopped eating, and looking up discovered that be was surrounded by the enemy. But. being confident of his strength and ability to rout the birds at any mo­ ment, he returned to his feast. One of the sparrows flew arotuid the rat seve­ ral times, and making a dash pecked him upon the back. The rodent turned quickly, leaving 'for a moment bread unprotected,* which one birds seized, attempting to fly, away with it, but the bread was too heavy for the bird to carry. As the rat attacked one bird the others attacked him from the rear. Finally the birds were pnt to flight, and onc« more the rat was in possession of the the coveted crust. He did not attempt to finish his meal, but watched closely the birds that had retired some distance to hold a council of war. The council did not last long, for presently they flew at the rat from all fides, until he was finally compelled to seek shelter under a log, 'leaving the bread to the visitors. The rat was loath to yield to the birds so easily, and as one of them came near, his hiding place he rushed out and killed it. The onslaught' was so sudden that the birds were taken by surprise, but on seeing the body tif their dead com­ panion they made a rush at the rat re­ gardless of danger . The battle raged fiercely, at first largely in favor of the rat, but the lat­ ter was finally compelled to seek shel­ ter by taking to the water, and swim­ ming to the opposite shore, about forty feet away. As soon as the rat took to the watpr the birds flew above him, compelling Him to remain under the water more than half the time, which wfts fast ex­ hausting him. When the rat emerged from the water he was very weak from the long swim aud fell on easy victim to the birds, that soon had both his eyes picked out and nearly all the fur off his back. Not being able to see, the poor rat staggered about in abelpless man­ ner, and could do nothing to protect himself. At last he laid down and died. Being satisfied that their enemy was dead, the birds flew away, forgetting the bread that had been the cause of the fight in which one of their number a^d the rat had died. "t," ' • V' . j man * * < Wil- * * >-• The Earth Keen from a Balloon. The sensation a man experiences when making an ascent in a balloon is very peculiar, says a well-known aero­ naut. The earth appears to be falling away, especially from just' where the ascent was made. A few days ago I made an ascent from St. Charles, Mo., aud was soon able to see St. Louis and & Bcore of other smaller cities. The smoke from the manufactories looked very odd, but the principal buildings in St. Louis were remarkably distinct even when I had gone up 4,000 feet and-over. Of course at that altitude it is impos­ sible to detect movements on the earth's surface with the naked eye, but with tbe aid of a telescope this can be done. The fastest train seems to be going at a snail's pace, and a running horse seems to make very poor progress. Rivers look like little &treaks of silver when the balloon is very high up. Tho steady fall in temperature is not un­ pleasant, and there is no feeling of gid­ diness after a little practice. PATER FAMILIES was shocked when his daughter invited him to join her in "a little old crow," and when she said that she meant little old croquet he didn't feel much better, because he hfttes to hear girl* use slang^ isMf- > . The Sweetest Proposal. "The Sweetest proposal ever dreamed of," said Eli Perkins, "I think is from Austin Dobson." "May I call you Panla?" he asked modestly. "Yes," she said, faintly. "Dear Paula--may I call you that?" "I fcuppose so." "Do you know Ilove TOtt?" • "Yes." ' ' "And shall I love you idwayiftj "If you wish to." * " And will you love mef , . Paula did not reply. "Will you, Paula?" he repeated. "You may love me," she said agtiin. "But dou't you love me in return?" "I love you to love me." "Won't you say anything more «*< plicit?" "I would rather not." They were married and happy within three months. ANT system of instruction which does not teach a lad to thiuk falls very far short of the best results of education^ aud leaves him without the most vital element of success. WHAT faith curists n istUeirlaiSb. V >1 .v • | A Kigfet Police Reporter's "Sceepw» There are many difficulties to ovei- come by a night police reporter before he can add the honor of another "scoop" to his list. They are "hustlers"--these newspaper men of the night^Sffil, while the .utmost friendliness exists among them, each one is mightily suspicious of the others when it comes to a ques­ tion of news. A chance word over the wire, the peculiar actions of a cabby, or the slightest unusual act of one of the reporters serves to give the "tip" that something is up. Then begins the bunt for the item, and often strategy is re­ sorted to. It's a ease of everybody against one. The other night young S had a "scoop." It was his first one, and the fact thait a mighty secret was concealed about his person was as plain to the older boys as though he had shouted it from the housetops. Then began the search. Every police station in the city was visited. Scores of drug stores and all night restaurants were searched, but in vain.. It was nearly midnight when the last of the boys returned. Young S was just preparing to write up his copy. The other boys watolied him quietly^ There be was "knocking their eyes out" right in their presence and they were powerless. S had reached the bottom of bis first page and Was about to begin his second when one of tbe boys sang out: "Say, S , give me some of that pa- paper." " "Certainly,"' was the reply, and the young man with the scoop tore off a portion of the pad and handed it over. That settled his "scoop." One of the older reporters noticed that S wrote a heavy band, and to get hold of the second sheet of the paper meant the discovery of the secret, for on it in plain, indented characters was given the introduction or nucleus of the story. S-1 will tear off the bottom of his pad in tbe future when any one asks lor eopy paper."--Chicago Tribune. New Use for a Nail Kef?: While roughing it among the moun­ tains, keeping house in a log cottage where chairs were "lew and far be­ tween," we discovered how useful the nail keg, left by the builders, could be made, says the Youth's Companion. A plush sofa cushion, placed on the top of a keg, turned it into" a very comfort­ able seat. The keg is covered with blue denim, or Kentucky jeans, laid on in box plaites and tacked at the top and bottom. A double plaiting at the bot­ tom bides where the first is fasteued down, and the top is finished with a fringe made of nope- Handles of rope are fastened on at either side. The top is also furnished with a rope handle so that it may easily be removed, for the inside of the keg is nicely painted, to be used as a receptacle for sewing mate­ rials. The cushion is made of blue 'denim, bordered with dark blue plush, and is finished with a rope cord and tassels. A very pretty seat of this kind can be made by simply covering the keg with figured oretqnne, using it for the cushion as well, and dispensing with the fringe. A Possible Case. ' ̂ First Actor--The chanoes are we will be required to appear only at matinee performances in the near future, you think, eh? Second Actor-r-It woks as if such an arrangement were not among the im­ possibilities. I understand a rival manager has petitioned for an injunc­ tion to restrain the company from play­ ing 'After Dark.' IT'S odd that the word "Trust* should its$ll b& enough to excite suspicia®. WHF.S a man gets drunk ha generally proceeds home in "full" speed. "HAVE you the time?" said the major • to the colonel. "If you mean the time : T to take a drink, I hasten to reply that I K.Vfl " t ;?A. FIRST Boy--What makes that wagon f( / groan so? Seoond boy (who has had ' * experience)--I guess it's filled with ,. 7 iy green apples, BEFORE the Ball.--Mrs. Wickwire-- V ?», How do you like the waist of my new / • dress? Mr. Wickwire--I don't know. r Have you got it on ? -N*.' WAKER--Say, Meeks, how did you •** ever pluck up courage enough to pf§s ? pose to your wife ? Meeks (whose wife wears the trousers)--Why, I didn't. A NEGLECTED Resort. -- Humber-- IT Were you living on Faraway Beach dur­ ing your vacation? Grumsly--No; it ^ was living on me. I was the' only vis­ itor.--Grip. i * THE old man in the play is forever - • < talking about "twenty long years ago," £ \ 5" just as though there were long and short years, that could be picked out according as the notion seizes you. LADS (putting her head out of car win­ dow)--Conductor, is smoking allowed in this car? Conductor (courteously)-- If the gentlemen inside don't object, madame, you may smoker as much as you please. HENIH-itsoif--Why is it that Dolan enters tbe saloon by the back door, Williamson? He used to be a and walk right in the front door. liamson--That was before he signed the pledge, "MY friends are responsible for my si; being here," said the prisoner bitterly. ? " "How was that?" asked the sympathetic visitor. "I was sentenced to be hanged, bnt they got the governor to commute f my sentence to life imprisonment." ' PETERSON--Why are you always kiss- • ing that girl's photograph? Dudly-- Well, you see'a fellow has to do some- " " V thing when he is engaged, and one of s " the advantages of kissing the photo- i _ , '• ' graph is that the paint don't come off. MCFINGLE--They say that Widow ' ^ Browu is a terrible talker. McFangle . ' ̂ --Yes. Why, when her husband died >t] she bad the last word. "What do you ; mean? They didn't quarrel on his r death bed?" "No; but she said good­ bye last." 't 'V'..'v YOUNG Man--I have come to answer ; your advertisement for a "young man with plenty of push." What is. the po- ^ sition that is open? Blobson (pushing . .A-i, ".j*- a baby carriage)--My wife refuses to do > •».'/ ^ it, and I don't have time; sol shall have 1 2 tobire a substitute. VISITOR (at insane 'asylum)--Who is " ̂ ® that fine looking man making stars, - crosses and things out of letters? At-' ,v tendant--Oh, he was the editor of a • children's column iu some paper. One C week he lost the answers to tho pus-, zles. and tried to solve them himseil ' A GOOD anecdote is related of a well- r known vagabond, who was brought be­ fore a magistrate as a common vagrant. Having suddenly harpooned a good ... idea, he pulled from a capacious pocket :• of his tattered coat a loaf of bread and a half of a dried codfish, and holding them np, with a triumphant look and gesture to the magistrate exclaim*^ '• You dkmtke^'me ItiaVwaH--^1 a vagrant. Am t them wisible means o ^ ,j % support, I should like to know?" '• HOW IT WAS DONE. ,\.V Dfdytra never hear the story of th« p»ifiteraa* •he potter-- How they once became intoxicated simply upon water? -',c Tis a Tery touching story, and 'tia simple, M ' : you'll note; S<er they merely took a Jug ol liquor wltlithttn , in the boat. ;V Timing the Preachers. I know a man here who, before bejs, got famous and came to Washington,' lived in a little town in the West. Therewas but one church in the town, that Methodist, and they needed no ' other, for they were all of that simple . faith. My distinguished friend was a^j'. [ towftrd it. • ̂ • fV.lt! 'J* 5,. t. - 7 /••iyZgfsg I superintendent of the Sunday-school inf^*' those days. He went to Sunday-school • iu the morning and to church twice a day each Sabbath. When he came to the National Capital his duties occupied much of his time. Even Sundays be­ came not his own. From going to church twice a day he got to going but once. But even this took up more of his time than hecould spare. He timed the preacher at the church he had se-« lected to attend, and found that his ser­ mons were sixty-five minutes long. He decided on the spot that he would have to find a preacher who could have his say in less time. Then he began to look up such a man in the Methodist denomination. He timed the sermons in the various Methodist churches. The shortest he found was fifty minutes ' long. That would not do, so he de­ cided to try the Presbyterian churches. The shortest sermon be found there wasi ? forty-seven minutes. The Baptists wero next tried. There he got down to for­ ty-five miniates. In the Episcopal dio­ cese he found some sermons that weret short enough, but the- service took upsw, enough time to more than make tip ther difference. So he went around to tha - churches of about all denominations ex- cept the Catholic, until in a ©ongrega- # ts tionalist church he found administer whoj j uniformly occupied b«t thirty-five min- ' ; utea with his sermon. Whether he is^ '-T- asleep or awake now he can always tell- • - HVV* $ to the minute when the preacher's timep^^^ is up.-- Washington Gossip thd V Philadelphia Telegraph. S5 the ft if- Marriage by Surprise. An extraordinary occurrence place in one of the principal churches Madrid, in the parish of Santa Cruz. priest had nearly finished his mass, an was in the act of pronouncing the sacra-' mental words, "Ite, tnissa, est," whon: . , a young man, age 21, aud a beaulit'uf; . girl of 20 years, suddenly approach the altar rolling with three middle- men, and the young couple cried aloud: "We wish to be husband and wife, -c , Here are our three witnesses." V -* * Now, it seems under the canonical- ~ • laws regulating marriages in Spain, Ro- . .•••' man Catholics can thus claim to be con- , - 1 " -' sidered married by surprise, if they arar'^ skilful enough to do so just after ther ^ priest has uttered the benediction at ther^fe - ' close of the mass. Formerly this strat-i^ V ̂ 7 agem was, as in the present case re*'-' sorted to by young people whose par-* 7 ^ e n t s o p p o s e d t h e i r u n i o n . W h e n t h i a t 7 occurred in Santa Cruz a scene of con4. * fusion ensned. The priest retired tc* •• >x the sacristy, and sent for the police, who* conducted the offenders and the wit» * " nesses into the presence of tho munici* * ' ' "> pal judge. He declared the marriage .***" e* %i valid, much to the delight of the youu^ - • •• 'r* oouplo, and td the intense disgust of t.h# parents of both sides* I who had resisted union* .: . ... • . ,, .... ^ ^ ^ " Sa1" J"*"4, ' J-?* ,k,: . . X