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*AilSl8f IS Alii RIGHT. j wanted to go on. At least s*l thought, i „ <• %. Timn-hiiK ««mt T«t>» a ^ raa^e BP *?? mind to desert at the *.: porter About Arkansas Va'tey. nr<st opportunity. TllO Opportunity §y$£ Every one who comes to Kansn* Cllr !came at Fredericksburg, when my com- sk£itf from Kansas these days has his own ' PaT*y was like.y to be u-eful. A Fed- particular stock of stories to tell about I ? battery was tearing down the road *- the wonderful crops in that State. 1towar<* 118 when Stonewall Jackson rode sC',v * Among the Sunflower pilgrims who ]u" 1116 ftn<^ 8&id: 'Captain, keep Pv' landed in the city Saturday was Charley I Jour eye on those guns. The moment Barrett, the good-looking and talkative ' ,,ey are ""umbered charge them with 1 traveling passenger agent of the Mis- * 7ouI might.' ** if".' *°uri Pacific. He had spent four or five days in Southern Kansas and his i\ mouth was going at the rate of 500 - !•> I. revolutions a minute about crops, when . fj he was flagged by a Times man on Main ' < street. "Wheat!" he exclaimed. -"You never saw the Iilte! The farmers down in : ... Southern Kansas had to rent the public gjf?M roads to get room enough to stack the I wheat. Wasn't room enough in the fields to hold the stacks. I saw one---" "How is the fruit crop?" "Fruit! You never saw the like! * ? * • A p p l e s a s b i g a s c a n n o n b a l l s g r o w i n g r*;" ' in clusters as big as haystacks. I saw > one apple that 1 \ "Don't the trees break down." "Trees! You never saw the like! ,y i The farmers planted sorghum in the orchards and the stalks grew up like V\ telegraph poles and supported the limbs. '* I saw one stalk of the sorghum was * two feet * .s "How is the corn crop?" "Corn! You, never saw the like! - Down in the Neosho and Fall River and < T Arkansas bottoms the corn is & big as a III!? house. They use step-ladders to gather •f>, roasting ears." "Aren't stepladders pretty expens- K^y >' ive?" Here was the oppor tunitv I had been looking for. I at once determined to charge the battery and stay inside the Union lines when 1 got there. The moment came, and I led the charge, but trying all the time, to let the'Yanks' seel didu't want to hurt them, when, to my great surprise, the entire battery took to their heels, and, try my level best, I could not catch **p with them. I came back utterly crestfallen, but 'Stonewall' seized me by the hand and declared, that I was a Major from that moment. I had in- 4 ended to desert and had earned pr< motion. I never tried it again."--ifTe York Graphic, • o- ew ,* " ^ V'| N Hie Evils of Spaniving^ "While children are , .much more in­ dulged and considered in this age than ever before, they are all still the vic­ tims of a barbarous custom. I refer to the practice of whipping as punishment. Though it has long since been largely abolished in our own and other coun­ tries as a most inhuman mode of pun­ ishment, little children aye still beaten, cuffed, and by fond (?) parents in a most unconscionable manner. It is pretty generally conceeded that cuffing children on the head or ears, is fre­ quently fraught with the most serious results--many cases of Jdeafness and even brain disease hayipg arisen fiom this practice. Evils quite as grave, I am assured by a lady physician of ex­ tensive practice, result from the punish­ ment known as "spanking." Blows given with more or less severity and greater or less frequency, in the region of the spine, will, she contends, cause serious brain or spinal trouble, more­ over, the state of the brain and nervous system, have a great efleet on the dis­ position, and the shock which may pos­ sibly cure one fault, n^ay, by disorder ing and deranging the nervous system, produce faults of a much graver and more complicated nature.--Marie Mer­ rick, in Ladies' Home Journal. A. Cautious Mas. lift* restaurant. Man shoved b4ek his chair, and calling a waiter, said: "Didn't I order a porterhouse steak?' "lras, sab." "Then why didn't you bring itf "Ain't dat er porterhouse?" "Porterhouse, why, you naopy*headed rascal, a btill-d ig couldn't tear it Where's the proprietor?" , "In de office." \ "Tell him to come heret* '"W j "He's mighty busy, I reckon.* f v! f "Well, you go and tell him tftat 1 have important business with him, or; I'll cripple yon for life."' The proprietor soon appeared. "My dear sir," said the customer, "can you furnish me with a strong string?" "A what f tbe proprietor exclaim eel. "With a strong string," I said. "Whatdoytm want with a string?" "I want to tie one end of it to a fra ment of this steak. Dida't you read about the man who was choked to death with a tough beefsteak the other day I want to tie this one, so, in case I see"it is about to choke me to death, I can snatch it out. What, don't approve of the idea? You reastura-vt men do not believe in progress." -- Ai'kati&iiv Traveler. Didn't Owe Hima Cent. A gentleman who rode down the street with a South Side feed and com mission dealer the o»lvir day, was sur prised to hear him utter a low, chuck ling laugh as he paused to let a pedes trian have A chance for life on the crossing, says the St. Paul Globe. "See that man?" he asked; "theone with the light suit?" "Yes:; what about it?' "Nothing only he thinks he owe* me $4 or $5, and he don't owe me a cent," "Hew is that?" "He used to trade with me and on every order for food or oats he gave me '»e would be. 20 or 30 cents short, v_/ £ course that wan nothing, and he 'would pay me the next order.' But the next order he was short again, and soon. It was his little game to beat me. I sat up two nights, studied hard in the rule* and iinahy beat the game." "How?" ""Why, beftw-e delivering his , i order I- opened the sacks and took That fish cannot live in this strong , enough onls to cover his shortage and •solution of bitumen and salt is too obvi- SqUnre(i his recount. JSTow he has quit on* to nepfl nronf: W. ! tnuling ^ me ftn<1 ^ arQUnd 4the block for fear I will ask him to pay up. But he don't owe me a cent, and he is just us welcome to trade with e v e r . " f , . "JBtpensive! Well, I should say so; but that isn't the worst of it. The trouble is that the children climb up into the cornstalks to hunt eagles' nests, and sometimes fall out and kill tliem- Belves. Fourteen funerals in one county last week from that cause. I attended all of them. That is why I am so sad. And, mind yon, the corn is not more than half-grown. A man at Arkansas City has invented A machine, which he calls 'The Solar Corn Harvester and Child Protector.' It is inflated with gas like a balloon and floats over the corn tops, and the occupants reach down and cut off the ears of corn wi|h a cav­ alry sabre. Every Kansas farmer kasf a cavalry sabre, and " "Do they make much cider in Kan­ sas?" "Cider? You never saw the like! Oceans of it! Moat of the farmers in Crowley County have filled their cis­ terns with cider.« A proposition was made a few days ago to the water works - company of Arkansas City to supply the >• town with cider through the mains, but the company was compelled to decline , because they were afraid the cider would rust the pumps. They were sorry but they said they would have to con- tinue to furnish water, although it cost more." «The people most be happy over their big crops?" "Happy! You never saw the K'te! I • know men in the Arkansas Valley who j were too poor to flag a bread wagon, and now they have pie three times a day. One fellow that " But the reporter at this point had a pressing engagement elsewhere.--'Kan- «a« City Times. > Wonders of the Bead Sea. f > One of the most interesting lakes or inland seas in the world is the Dead Sea, which has no visible outlet. It is not mere fancy which 3has clothed the • Dead Sea in gloom. The desolate shores, with scarcely a green thing in , eight, and scattered crwer with black stones and ragged driftwood, form a fit- ting frame for the dark,sluggish waters, covered with a perpetual niist, and <• • breaking in slow, heavy, sepulchral- - «t> toned waves upon the beach. > It seems as if the smoke of the f • wicked cities was yet ascending up to !. - heaven, and as if the moan of their ' fearful sorrow would never leave the God-smitten val i er. It is a strange thing to see those . , waves, not dancing along and spark- ' ling in the sun, as other waves do, but •* moving with measured melancholy, and >.< sending to the ear, <as they break lau- Y guidly upon the rook, only doleful . sounds. This is no doubt -owing to ifhe great heaviness of the water, a fact well known, and which roe amply ^verified in ' the usual way, for, on attempting to . swim, we went floating .about like - empty casks. THE JAKES I often wonder how they would aiii at | tables in their own homes if they had _ _ _ , _ them, and how a woman would get M Vkmr Af,«r th» ftaoM BMd along with any comfort if such a EXPERIENCE OF Bors. of acidity sat opposite her at a which she had labored hard to mass dinner prepare manner. But if it were ever my fate to of that yellow-skinned, dys­ peptic crowd, one who has complaint in tH#» Northflnfd flank. The death of Bob Younger, one of the Northfield bank robbers, in the Min­ nesota penitentiary, recalls an incident in connection with the flight of the raiders after they had been chased out lliZll* wfre 7if° tWT nioa wbo i every wrinkle of his face and everv mo- nntil f»nnvinr>nr1 tJinfJ aW f berries, compound for him pies of choke oantnred on or cherries, give him cream of tartar with P t e-T which «weeteu his coffee and pulver- Tli w?6 40 flfc °1U h18 ! ized alum to salt his meat, and if there The two brothers parleved oyer j is ftny tnltll ia the precept that 'like ere was no safe hiding ; cnres like* I would drive the sourness out of him!" And she brushed the crumbs off the opposite side of the table with a look and vehemence that indi- Bnytnsr Clothes la Botler. A man went into a Broadway cloth­ ing-store the other day and asked to »se a pair of trousers. He went into a closet to try them on. Calling out to She Forgot Her Bouquet. There is a distressing story that Queen Victoria was at one moment, or perhaps at two, in a bad temper at her granddaughter's wedding. The cere- m another pair. marry one of that yellow-skinned, dys- i £^%iTT ^ ̂ 5°^ . the last pair being just what he cated that she meant just what she said. -- Vtica Observer. be worse. horse. the situation. place in Minnesota. Frank said to Jesse: "There is no reason why we should both be captured. You can make your escape. - Put a bullet in my heart, and cover me with some leaves. Thet go your way." There was something more than filial between these boys. They were sworn friends, and had resolved in the begin- ing that where one went the other should follow, even to the death. Jesse heard the cool proposition of Frank. > tv • t j- , . . . , ^ "I am going to get ioto Mmouri." he ! £???. be™?,_b?r.'_ed said, "and you are going with me. You ! can't ait in your saddle, but you ride with me . if you can i stick. If you've got to die." Frank, you had better die where lean take care of your body." "I'll try it," was the reply of the bushwhacker, who waa almost too feeble to speak. They had been traveling by night It was dark when Jesse made the propsi- *tion and a storm was in the sky. Frank was picked up and thrown across the saddle the same as a hunter would throw a dead deer. Jesse mounted back of the saddle, took no the reins, plunged his spurs into the flanks of a good Minnesota horse, which jumped into the prairie. They outrode the gathering storm. All night they traveled, Jesse halting at intervals to see if his brother was alive. Scarcely a word was spoken. At day­ break they sought; a hiding place, and Frank pillowed his head on his coat. ' The horse was jaded and could not be relied upon to make another journey. The James boys were never without money. Their many escapes were due to this fact There were times when hard piessed they abandoned their horses and crept into a city on the way, where by lightning changes they escaped suspicion and staid at hotels as, "distin­ guished foreigners" until pursuers were ont of the way, when they would pur­ chase fresh horses and pursue their journey in a canter. . While Frank was resting the first day after his night trip Jesse: went into the vicinity, bought a horse, and procured food and medicine for Frank. At night­ fall he went to the hiding place, found his brother not much improved, admin­ istered to his wants, again lifted him into the saddle, and resumed his journey. & There was one incident, eonneeted and place before her lord in a tempting t ^hey dilnt qnite 8ui*he j beSan *«n minutes late, and the -- - 1 " ! w a s h a n d e d i n a n o t h e r p a i r . F i v e \ Q u e e n n o m o r e l i k e s b e i n g k e p t w a i t - ing than did Louis XIV. The reason for the delay was simple enough. The Princess Louise of Wales drove away from Marlborough House in such a hurry that she forgot her bouquet. It w as thought worth while to send an equerry on horseback from Bucking­ ham Palace to Marlborough House to bring the missing flowers. And as the Princess was arranging her veil the necklace which she wore burst and scattered over the floor. The links had to be found and put together. At the end came one of those awk­ ward pauses so frequent in royal cere-J monials, due simply to want of re­ hearsal. Nobody knew who should go out first. The bride and bridegroom waited for the Queen, but the Queen thought it their business to lead the way, and finally the Prince of Wales, never at fault in a social Emergency, told Lord Fife to go on, and on they went. Last of all, it appears that Lord Fife, a shy man, did not salute in the usual way the mother of his bride. Probably it did not occur to him that, even in these circumstances and by virtue of his new relation, he had be­ come privileged to kiss the Princess of Wales. At any rate, he did not do it, and the Queen noticed the omission and was vexed, and one of the house­ hold who does not like the marriage said, "If he had been a German prince he would have done it as a of course." The Man Who Wouldn't 'Kilo Belew." During the war between England and wanted. He kept them on, handing the clerk the price as he passed out. It was learned &oon after that he had kept on all the trousers that had been handed in to him. The fellow was ar­ rested, and he deserved to be, as his performance was a miserable plagiar­ ism of the work of a real genius who once operated in Butler, Pa. It was before Butler was as large a town as it is now. A man named Ep­ stein started a clothing-store there in a small way. The people had been in the habit of having their garments made at home, and Mr. Epstein's store was something of an experiment. TTia stock accordingly was not extensive. One day a stranger walked in and curing the war between England and [ said he wanted to buy a suit. He was America m 1812, two searaea belonging j one of Epstein's first customers, and ^ 0^^ S tl©6o OH .Liftk6 Erie, were *, Jl0 yftg ar»Tinno fn rttnlm tVks* fTV.* tried for the crime of desertion and shot, j Strang tained Isle, Canada. Their names were James Bird and Edward Bankin. A few years I ago a gale uprooted a tree growing over their graves, and the roots dragged to the surface the two skeletons. he was anxious to make the sale. The or retired to a small room cur- off in one corner to try on the clothes. He was hard to fit. Epstein kept handing him in drawers, under­ shirts, pants, coats, vests and collars and cuffs until the entire stock was in the little room. The man was ungain- ship, the Lawrence, without leave, lu order to visit his sweetheart, but with no intention of deserting, for he returned of his own accord. Brought up for ex­ ecution, he fell but a few moments be- i fore his pardon arrived. ! Much sympathy was elicited by his I sad fate, and poets sought to immortalize | in verse the memory of his heroism and love, and one song in particular was : sung generally in the country about the lakes by the grandmothers of people ' who are living to-day. It was set to do!eful music. It told about the decla- » ration of war against England and of the j call for volunteers to defend the lake3. ! Among the first to respond was the un- ' fortunate Bir.l, who flew to arms at 1 once. His parting from the loved one3^ at home is pathetically described: •Olio tweet kiss he stole from Mary, Presse.1 his mother's hitud once iuor«^ Oared his father's parting blessing, Ere he marc bed for Erie's shore." The Battle of Lake Erie is graphi­ cally described, Bird taking a scarcely less conspicuous part than Commodore Perry himself. In fact, they didn't 6ee Oliver Hazard more than Bird did, % ... •Whore is Biril? the bottle rages, „s 1B ho in the strife or no? : IJO, behold, a bull bus struck hbtt, ' »s' .?• See tiio crimson current flow. " "Oo Imlow!' cries gallant Perry, "No," snld Bird,'I-will not go; , ;: ^ Let the British fire npon me, I wall never go below!" fire of pleasantry about his ill shape j and what a dreadful nuisance he was i to storekeepers. Still,, he always paid j cash, he said, and bought a great many j clothes, so the storekeepers kindly | humored him. When he had all of j Merchant Epstein's stock on hiB mis­ erable back he said: ! _ "This five-dollar suit that I have on is the best fit of all except the coat. I : like the looks of the coat you have on, and if you give me that instead of the one that belongs to the suit we'll call it a bargain and Til just keep on' the 1 duds." | Epstein handed in his own coat, the | stranger put it on over the rest of the ; stock and walked out, leaving the mer­ chant in his shirt-sleeves, with noth­ ing in the wide world to show for his l*e clothing em]x>rium but a counter­ feit five-dollar bill that the man placed in his hand as he went out.--Xew Xork try in the BUT, easiest to use and cheapest. Banted? for Catarrh. By druggists. HAVE YON tried 'Tanaill'f Puooli P ous to need proof; ;bnt to say that'birds •cannot fly over it and live, is one of the exaggerations of travelers, who perhaps were not, like ourselves, so fortunate as to see a flock of dueks reposing on *1" water in apparently good health. And yet this was «ll the life we did The whole valley was one seething caldron, under more thana tropical sun. God-forsaken and man-forsaken, green thing grows within it, and it re­ tains to this day as striking a monument of God's fearful judgments a3 when the fire from Heaven devoured mighty Days. cities of the the onoe plain.--Golden, He Was Permitted to Testify. A bright little darkey 9 years of age convulsed the court loungers at Inde­ pendence with laughter yesterday and captured Judge Slov«er .at the same time with an innocent remark. He had been subpoenaed as a witness in a divorce case by the plaintiff and the attorney for the defense objected to him being . "placed on the stand on account of his iSpge and inability to (Understand the feature of an oath. , /' Judge Slover took the matter in hand : ^and his investigation resulted as fol- < ,$ows: , ; »• "Do you understand the nature <*f an #ath?w V ' "No, sah." -*Do you attend Sonday-schodl .and Church ?" ^ "Yes, sah." "What would , fihoKld tell a lie ? • v "Dey would get me." "Who would get me?" • * '« \ ; ' "De lawyers would." The*cli!d had been told of the future ; #bode«f those w ho distorted the truth jmd the .idea that lawyers were in eharge affairs followed as a eonse^ti^ence. f«dge Stover permitted feitu to IttHfr f»--Kansas City Time*. Brand to Be a Failure. "Mr. Slasher," inquired the managing editor, "howdid yon like the play at the no j Thespian last night ?" "It's a beautiful play," said the dra­ matic critic enthusiastically. "It is full of lofty sentiment and«levated thought In fact, there is not an impure idea, suggestion, or situation in the whole production from first to last" " How long is the play "to run ?" "The engagement is for three months.* "Mr. Sharp," casually suggested the managing editor to the business man­ ager half an hour later, "it will be well, perhaps, for you to collect all advertis­ ing bills promptly every week from the proprietor of the Thespian. He's going t« lose like thunder on the play he's renning now."-- Chicago Tribune.' •j.%$ How He fcJot lite Promotion, vf At the iwoms of the Southern Society p other owning I heard a &outhera Brigsder tell a good story of how h« eame to be a rebel commander. Said Ike: "lam an Englishman bred and born, and when the war broke out I didn't care a straw on which side I fought, though I %ocied I wanted to be III the midst cf the fighting. Finally I got iu with * a lot o: Southerners and f as elected C^pt^iaof * company, bat soon saw I tr»i V <|w *rrong side if £ He Hedged. "Isn't it glorious weather he said to the man on his lett on the street car plfctform. fcI will look into the matter and see," was the quiet reply. "Say, your liver is out of order," oon- tinued the other. "Take some blue mass at once." "That was a rather queer conversa­ tion " observed a passenger who had overneard it, after the liver-ailing man had got off. "Ok, l had to hedge," replied the other. "After I had spoken of tho weathsr I recognized him as a lawyer. He wa? going to write an opinion acid send urn a bill. I'm a doctor and so l gave liiiu .medical advice as an offset" --Itelroit Free Press. Amenities of Matrlntosy. A yor.ng woman of this city fa married to a gentleman who is many years her senior. They have become wellonough acquainted to say unpleasant things to each othei. The other morning at breakfast he suggested a foreign txtiix. "Bat we mustn't visit Egypt* "Why net?" "I'm afraid you'd go to s^eopin pub­ lic Home time." "Well, suppose I did?* - "Yott'tl be ^ --h'athmgiin * * T After Buch gallant conduct as the above, it seems hard to be shot as a de­ serter, simply because he forgot or neglected to ask leave to go and see his sweetheart. The flag-ship Lawrence, from which with this flight which has never been deserted» la? rank in Erie harbor pribted. It was told bv Jesse James I for years\ T1 <^,te an, industry himself after he had gotten back to I on in bringing up fragments Missouri, and was told to one of his few °f * to manufaSture into walking-sticks friends, who repeated it to the writer so,uv®nirs-. It was but recently that - - ' the last survivor of the Buttle of Lake Erie died. In 1830, when a statue of Commodore Perry was unveiled at Cleveland with imposing ceremonies, there were a considerable number of the survivors present. The orator of the day was Bancroft, the American his­ torian, who is still living.--T&sm Hift- ings. It may be relied upon, for whatever else may be set down against the James boys they were not given to braggadocio, nor were they given to falsehood when communicating with their friends. It was late in tlio afternoon, and they had reached a settlement on the south­ ern border of I wa.- The northern boundary of their own Slate was almost in sight. They had not been able to pur­ chase a fresh horse, and they became alarmed. Frank's condition was im­ proved. As usual he was put into a hiding place and Jesse, as Was the custom, went out to reconuoiter and get a good horse. In his rambles he came to a country church where a revival was in progress. He walked into the church and took his seat The old exhortev called for the wicked to come forward and flee from the wrath. This seemed to be directed to Jesse James and he heeded the call. In the religious ex- Wanted a Soft Snap Yesterday, says the Pittsburgh Times, a man, slightly under the in­ fluence of liquor, approached the guard standing at the door of the recruiting station of the United States army.Peun avenue, and addressing the soldier,said, "Is this the place to eulist in the army?" "Yes," replied the uniformed gentle­ man. « k "I believe I would like to enlist and go to the Allegheuy arsenal at Law- IForW. T» Those Interested!! citement--incident always to a country ! 277!^ Pl'6!ty P .revival--no one appeared to notice the : ^ Li™ » soldiers have a pretty ts.:,' nSvrt I ̂̂ ^ki„ghin1,eU?g,.e.M. > ,he god j ie j work! and drown your sorrow in the latter to the bandit to accompany him ! qU^ Ufe offthe,eol^r.or are you out Of home. Jesse in the meantime had ex- e^oy^ent and are disheartened ?" pressed a desire to enter the vineyard - *elth«r the«e said the applicant as a --J J. ..." I for army honors. "I have been old man who had charge of the meeting, and the result was an invitation by the missionary, and it was arranged that he was to begin his work that night by addressing the saints and sinners at the old school-house. After supper the new missionary stepped out of the house, saying he wanted a little time for re­ flection. When tho parson got ready to go to the school-house he went to the barn for his horse. It was gone. So j was the newly fledged eonvert-misRion- ary. Whether there was any service [ that night at the school-house in the j woods is not known. But the parson's j horse carried two men--a sick and a I well one--across the Iowa border that night, over into the land of the bush­ whacker. They crossed streams, sometimes, that were swollen by rains, swimming their horse. When they had been iu Missouri a few days Frank was left in huu.sei of a friend, and Jesse, abandon­ ing his "easy couches by night" trav­ eled by dail. He reached Kansas City, and while the story of the exploit in Minnesota was still fresh in the news­ papers, this daring devil, whose ner, wken he was not on a raid, was a hard­ working man all my life, and now I want to take a rest, and I know of no softer snap than to be a soldier." "Well, now, just listen omiTmoment and I will explain the matter to you. In the first place, the chance are ten to one that if you enlist you will re­ gret it within three months, and then wish you were back in Pittsburgh. There is no way of getting back until your time has expired, and if you de­ sert and come back you will be retaken, court martialed and sentenced to under­ go imprisonment at hard labor for five years. None but those of long service can get an opportunity to come to Pitts­ burgh and be stationed at the arsenal or recruiting stations. You would be sent We^t and be compelled to do sentinel duty at the camp and be out in all kinds of weather, with no beer or whisky to drive ont tho frost and dampness." i " Well," said the applicant with sur- 1 prise, "if that is the case, I don't be­ lieve that 1 want to become a soldier. I am very much obliged to you for your ®afta*! information. I shall go back to my «» the guest of a ' *.nw?° ,n^ stone. Good-by. If JO,, prominent man in Kansas City, who wiiiua a few hou^s a'ter the arrival of find me back here again kick me out, will you?" the his guest notified Mrs. Samuels, mother of the James boys, over from her home across the river and was soon in the company of her favorite boy.^ Frank recovered and went to Pettis County, Missouri, where he re­ mained until he was strong enough to go upon the road again." Is it any wonder that raen with so much nerve, aided always with money and protected by people who claimed to be good citizens, should have eluded the vigilance of the authorities as long those James boys did? What the Waiter Girl Says. *1 have come to the conclusion," said one of the rather pretty, black-eyed waiter girls at a popular restaurant tho j other day, "that with many men the eat­ ing of their necessary meals is the most solemn, dull and harrowing business of their lives. They come in here with faces as long as the proverbial fence rail, look over the bill of fare as if it were a death warrant, select what they deem the most suited to their tastes, and order it with an air that would befit a man ordering his grave clothes, eat it with a silence and morosenesg that makes one shudder, and walk oat t|ie door with downcast eyes and surly Looks, speaking to nobody sod re lying only in the briefest mono-yjiab >f < > »ken With these words he left, but came , i back again atd asked the guard to come wno eame oufc an<j jiave A Nothing damp­ ens the ardor of applicants for military honors more than to describe the reali­ ties of soldier life. Faets About Indians* Indian agencies are sixty-one hi number. The number of houses oocupied by Indians is 21,232. The^stimated number of Tn^iW in Alaska is 30,0DJ. The number of Indians living on and cultivating lands is 9,612. The total Indian population of the United States is 247,761, The number of Indian church mem­ bers in the United States is 28,663. There are ten Indi n training schools in different parts of the Union. The number of Indians in the United States who wear citizens' dress is 81.621. The number of Indians in the United States who can read English is 23,595. The number of Indians ::i the United States who c*n read I diua language is 10,027.--8L Paul Globe. A KIN live• bv believing something, not bv deb* . 1 «fti>at X niaqy thvi - HASTINGS, Mich.. April 22. 1839. Bhftumatio Syrup Co., Jackson, Mich: OBNTS--This Is to certify that I had been troubled witli rheumatism in all its forms for the past twelve years, and was confined to my bed at various periods from three to six months at a tima, «nd I could got about only bv the aid of crutobes. T employed several first-class physicians of this city, none of whom effected a cure or gave tem­ porary relief even. About two years ago I was induced to try Hibbard's jiheumatic Syrup, and, after taking a few bottles I experience a relief, and now consider myself cured. I unheal- tatingly reeommond this medicine for rheumatism. I know what it has done for me. what physicians eould not do. i. e., cured me of rheumatism. AiliS. II. J. KBXVZBUK Ask your drueglst for it I certify to the above statement. FBED L. HEATH, Druggist. Two Kinds of Wrists. Chicago paragraphers have two kinds of wrists--a serious wrist and a humor wrist. At least that is what we glean from the following anecdote by Carl Pretzel, in the Sunday National: "I do not feel the pulsations in your wrists," said Dr. H. H. Cook to the funny man, who was quite ill. "That is not strange," he replied. "It is strange, indeed," said the doctor; "as you are not dangerously ill. there should be some signs of life in your pulse." "Not at all, sir. Try the other one this is my humor-wrist." Herculean Strength Continually on tlxe strain, or overtaxed at I"*"- vals. is far less dtttirable th&u ordinary vi£or perpetuated by rational diet and exercise, and abstention from excess. Professional pugilists and athletes rarely attain extreme old. age. As ordinary vigor may be retained by a wise regard for eanitary living, and for tbe protection against disease which timely and jndiclona medication affords, so also it way be lost through prolonged sedentary labor, uninter rupted mental strain, and foolish eating and drinking,the chief and moat immediate Boquenoe of all four being dyspepsia. For this condition thus, or in any way induced, and for Its off. Baling, a failure ot muscular and nerve power, Hosteiter's Ktomaeli Bitters is the priinest and most genial of remedies. Not only indigestion but loss of flesh, appetite aud sleep are remedied by it. Incipient malaria aud rheumaUxm are banished, and kidney, bowel and liver ooiu- plaint removed by It. The Pioche Trick. "A great many people say that they can not understand how Dave Neagle could have put out his hand to push Terry back and shot him so quickly," said an old resident of Pioche. "They think that he could not have bad j time enough to put his right hand j back for his pistol afterward. Now, • the fact may be that Neagle did not | shoot with his right hand at all. He j may have used what we call the j 'Pioche trick,' because it was first | tried in that camp more than twenty 1 years ago. | "To work the Pioche trick a man has | to carry his gun in his left-hand pock* : et or in his left-hand side pocket. Many j used to carry two guns, one on each ' side. Now he starts to have a quarrel with a man or to interfere between two men. He pushes one of the men back • with his right hand and says: ' Oh, ' don't do that,' or 'Stop,' or anything else. He* looks the man in the face as he talks to him, and the man, seeing his right hand empty, feels safe. If he pushed him with the left hand the man might look to see what he was do­ ing with the right. As he throws the right hand across the man's breast and says ' Stop,' ha slides his gun out with the left, and, keeping it under cover of the right hand, gets it against the man's body and tires. I " The victim drops, and as he falls one or two more shots can be got in. It is one of the safest ways to shoot a man at close range, because as he does not see the weapon he can not grab it and disarm the shooter. Of course, I do not say that Neagle did shoot that way, because I did not see him, but I think he knew .of the trick, having lived over in Pioche and being familiar with the use of pistols as a man had to be in those days. One thing is pretty cer­ tain ; if he pushed Terry back with his right hand he did not shoot with that hand, lor Dave Neagle had too much sense to fool with Terry in such a way as that. You seo he knew Terry, hav­ ing taken the knife away from him when they had that fight in the United States Ciicuit Court, and Terry knew him, for he was looking at him while Naegle was twisting his hand." Tonr Life in Danger. Take time by the forelock ere that rasp. Isg. haeky cough of yours carries wo« where so many Consumptives have pre. ceded you; lose no time, but procure a Dot* tie of the rationai remedy for Lung and Bronchial diseases, Scott's A'AMUMOM oj Vod liter Oil with Jtypophonphites. It will our# jrou. Sold by all Druggist*. Don't Waste Tonr Ifc% ; And money experimenting with doubtful remedies, whei Dr. Pierce's Golden Medi­ cal Dicovery is so positively certain in its curative action as to warrant irs manufact­ urers in supplying it to the public, as they are doin;» through drupgists, under a duly executed certificate of guarantee that it will accomplish all it is recommended to do, or money paid for it will be promptly re­ turned. It cures torpid liver, or bilious- ness, indigestion, or dyspepsia, all humors, or blood tains, from whatever cause aris­ ing. skin and scalp diseases, scrofulous af­ fections (not Excepting consumption, or lung scrofula). if taken in time and given a fair triaL • _ THOUSANDS of cures follow the use of $>r. Sage's Catarrh Remedy. 50 coOti* :• ;}; A Coffin Full of Opium. Eecent Singapore papers report an extraordinary case of smuggling at Sourabava, in Java. A Chinese pas­ senger having died aboard a junk which was anchored in the roadstead, the health officer of the port went off, and, after viewing the body, gave the necessary permit for burial. "The master of the junk then came on shore and ordered a large coffin of the usual Chinese kind. During the early honrs of the morning the crew, with the cof­ fin, landed, and the funeral procession passed along the streets amid the burn­ ing of sacrificial papers, beating of gongs, and other customary demonstra­ tions of sorrow. One of the crew walked in front carrying the burial permit. After the funeral the party went back to the junk, which immedi­ ately put out to sea. Later in the day natives found an empty coffin in the road close by the Chinese cemetery which not only smelt strongly of opium but had small particles of the drug ad­ hering to its sides. The custom-house authorities hunted up the maker of the coffin, who identified it as the one sup­ plied to the master of the junk, and the dead body of the Chinaman was washed ashore soon afterward, showing that the corpse had been thrown over­ board and the burial permit used to smuggle on shore a large coffin full Of opium."--Philadelphia Ledger. A LAN D ALE, the brilliant dramatic critic of the Evening World, has just published "An Eerie He and She," a Hew novel written in his usual crisp and flowing style. Decidedly our dramatic critics seem to be going in for novel writing. Leander Richardson ctfme out a short time ago with "Lord Dunmersey," a powerful book, and Lew Rosen, with Grisotte," achieved a phenomenal success. .. SOLD BY Drsggists and Dealers. JtHE CHARLES A. VCKEIER CO.. BaRimewJIML lift A DAY. -wantcil. Medicated i || E|It'iCitycn-*8c»t;,rr,i.c»!d».S;c, Hainp.fc* H iy 25c. Cat.Free. E. E. Brewster, Hoilr, 1 HnMi. The only < and easy care. Be. 3. 8t«l>hr*n*. T#hMinn. fflM UKNTION THIS PAPCK M» «>m» a UIWI f Win e irc 3! nr*jfFoiewi 1 J irerenry fails. Oarmadg eraed; Co.. Oruefo*, Neb. M.i.NT.ON THIS PAPKK wn» nitii. m .«<• S251 iPAlW MKOICAL CO., Richmond, Vft.' . YnIIHC MPI Wanted to LesraTi IU one R5 LTI Situation* fTH-niehed. . -n*e. Address ViLBXTiKr, BROW., JskphviI] MENTION THIS FAI'KB on VKITIK* T» HOME STUDY .BTINTWH hand, etc., thoroughly t«<irht i>v n.nil free. BBYAXT S BITBIHKSS COLI-KM, B X THIS PA I* i Sore relief . rTice35«8.a! mail. Stow '"Tkistown, *ai« «knu« MONTH AND BOARD A MO Buffalo. ' 'A ' CATON*SS®ffi!.«r»iSSHsS -̂l*»«l IHmiy LwtTwjuy>»w. AMtmlli..hrtj.iili. im*. -l-VtaiataM. *1. OmtabM. ML«£»•», aMb ' MENTION THIS MFE* <•>• nm «• UIMMK To handle Ardtieereryekmr require*. Retail* HM-mmm ' . •• ust eatabliah Cbunty ipien Bent, e*pres*a*e prepaid on rec-int I8.7S. MOltKY Mi'(i. CU»„ Waakesltas Wife M- ioamoN THIS FATCK BASEBALL CHABWICra WMWL. SENT FREE THEODORE HOLUWD. P. 0. Bex tit. Phtlrta. ffc Gold Hunters9 Adventwhm W AU8TB&UA, far WM. H. TaoMxa; ttMiMft Patfeis, 40 tull-pafte Ulnxtratioiu. * -- ' o! Art Yen tor* imo Lanreat and bast Hooka ever w>ki for priee. eai|p *5• cents, postpaid. Addreaa Atj|«. T. Loxi> * Lakeside nidi, Chicago, 'i : A S T H M A PHMW'I Asthma S ReMef in TXN A Family Gathering1. i Have you a lather? Have jroa a moUte#? Have you a son or daugnier, sister or a brother who nas not yet taken Kemp's Bal­ sam tor the Throat and Lung.-!, the guaran­ teed remedy for the cure of Coughs, Colds, Asthma, Croup and all Throat uud Lung troubles? If so, why, when a sample bottle Is gladly given to you free by any druggist, and the large size eoata only 60c and $LUU? HARBISON, the "boy preacher," IS worth aboat $60,000. What a fortune he will have when he gets to be a man!-- Texas Siftinge. Hibbard's Rheumatic and Llrer Pills. These Pills are scientifically compounded, uniform in action. No griping pain so com­ monly following the usu of pilis. They aro adapted to both adults ami children with perlect safety. We guarantee they have no equal iu the cure of Side Headache, Con- atipution. Dy>pepsia. Biliousness; and. as an appetiser, they excel any other prepara­ tion. THKBE is a paper called Time and an­ other called Tiae, and they wait for no man. . THE Standard Lubricator Company is oil right. , WM. OlMlMR, lll.. writea: -IhkT , to alt an trot for Oaa* . . T. i'OVttAM. to alt tut an 1M years. 1 hope 1 invented the g haw everiara _ UOTB bleoaiiut 1 livM."8oldbjrau< •1 per box by a " Tn& pactaffej fa. This TinMe nte mti IS on The M Tttamtf Cnt When you dan to aar fMi Jones of Biaffhamtoa. TW-M- haiuton.M.z!Tao«Hi*t tMtS very beat FIVE-TON WAGONSGILES Beam Box, T.w»WA»m Bi ••• Tret price Ust» every IMM N« ptyt the frtlfttt* CLT,S r»T«miH CREAM BALMI IsufffredjfVom tmrrh 12 year*. droppingf into throat itere nauuat- inff. My new W#d 'al­ most dally. Since th fint day's me ofKly' Cream Balm have had no bleeding, the sore- nut is entirely gone. D. G. fiavidsoti.with the Boston Bndget, ****0O,"ra .1 BBOffflS^ HflfftVER I'UBE soap is white, adulterated with rosin. Brown soaps are Pertume is only Eut in to hide the presence of putrid fat. lobbinB* Electric Soap is pure, white and unscented. Ha* been sold since 1865. WHEV a man has a cataract, it is cruel to dam his eyea any further. W« are now making small-stse Bile Beans, enpecialty adapted for children sad women--very small aud easy to take. Price of either size 25e per bottle. For sale by all druggists, or mailed on receipt of price. J._F. SMITH SI Co.. St. Louis. Mo. Jr afflicteJ with Sore Eye*, use Dr. T-fimr Thompson's Eye Water. Druggiata sell it 25a Scrofula Humor little daughter's lite iraa aaved. aa we be­ lieve, bjr Hood's Saraaparilla. Before she vmix months old scrofula sores began to appear, and in a •hort time abe bad 7 running, sores. One physician advised the amputation of one of her flngera, to which we refuBed aaxent. We began giving her Hood's Sareapirilli. A marked improvement was noticed after she had taken only one bottle, and by a continued use of it lier recovery waa complete. And the is now, being seven years old. strong aad healthy." B. C. JOKES. Aiua, Lincoln Co., Me. Sarsaparilla iMwndtair READY RELIEF. THE 8REAT CONQUEROR OF MML For Spraiiw, BnUien, Rarfcache, Pate fee Um Chest or Sidea, Headitche, ToottiMfea, or' MMJT oUaer external i>aln, • few application* r nbM ou by l>»n<l act like manic, causing tbe rwtw to Ins'untly stop. I^or Congestions! Colds. Bronchitis, raea- monla. Inflammations, Sbeumatiiim. Neuaml- BUI Lumbaio, Sciatica, more tliwoaxii aai repeated appllcatlsna are neceaiary. All Internal Pains, Diarrbea, Colic, Nausea, fainting Spells Nervousness, SI legsneas are relieved Instantly, and •:lWm », Sleep qaicttr ®»re<l by taklns inwardly *iO to 60 luUf a tumbler oT water. 5Sc. a butUe. Att Druj^Klsts. DADWAY'S "PILLS, An excellent and mild Cathartic, i'uraiv Vegetable. The Safest and bent Medldee In the world for the Cure of all I)im>4sn of the LIVER, STOMACH OR BOWELS. Taken according to directions they «• restore health and renew vitality. Prlee 25 ct*. a Box. bold by all 0 CHICHESTER'S ENOLISH PENNYROYAL PILLS /••N sco caoea DIAMOND IMM. Baft) Md rcU«M*. l.a jl--. A uk DraniH Mamami Mrnd. te r*4, muliie bun. MM vitk rtbkna. Take M «tkw 11 (Ma LIRAMTWNIMK.HTTVNIHA)'* V Imtnw e--wterlMta. !<«< 4a • (nuia) tar vantovtert, ttminmaiate aaC "UtflMrfWr i* UUtr bj •atL JEmu CkkMtr ChMB'l Xadlna ^ Hood's Sold by an druggists. |1; six for $3. by C. 1. HOOD ft CO. Lowell. Masa. IOO Doses One Dollar C.N. U mm I pnaeribe an«l follr dorae Big O as the ' spec! Be for the certain of thia dliaaas. O. HTIKGRAHAH.M. AmsUrdais. We have sold S tar many years, aad a has " rea the seat el aatt»> Bold by r WUKN WHITING TO /VMVEJtTJ v v please ear yon eaw the a<wrtl la thEs paper. JOSEPH H. HUNTER, PISO'S REMEDY FOR CATAKRH ~-B<s>t Easiest to use. certain. Cheapest Relief is immediate. A cure is For Cold in the Head it has no equaL C ATA R R H It is an Ointment, of which a small particle is applied to tbe nostrils. Price, 60c. Sold by druggists or sent by mail. Address, £. T. HAULTUUB. Warn ; "l! . • *<'1