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~ I' A >v-- •: T'*1 ,** WOT g. STAOntea*/ ^ ' '"-I it ttfJiomroer at the l«iMf6li, •• Jj- ft ,, •' tbedats wpnt by on win(f« : *5-•?•«• * Wajiled the fcnhtl.-Ues of ^JKHJCII. T 1 JnalookM ai.utterahlc n.ing*. - .f •* p*;§.v••••. t'-i 'f • §:f ; 31 thought that Phe was a eoqu«t-- ; P , •': •; Hho fancied mo a tlirt; ,• ' in mnt ioiig dalliance we met. fc?;*u"! • And both wdre somewhat butt. ••• •' 81 . •nfmon o'pr. we lnft the «tha», Wilt w ary awl afraid -- aF»rhap« to meet *R»ii no mora, A»d so much left unpaid 1 V, : ironfiht me a note to-day** A lA ife ^.Tl'wo deftly written lines -^ '^put tu the border routul it lay v " » A score of amatory sijffts, . *• >•>%>•? ftjtv» -A qswtiim that meant much, I wean-* fft' A crv of deep rev'ret. • £, * M*•* "Ah »rieI Alt me! It caiffht have beenf "Why cannot it be yet?" |f|t - Sut two short lines with tear drop# wat-- S-,:. ?•<•• What an ewer can 1 send? C , ^It shall be yet! Pi-miss r«gret, '5fS' My sweet. "my more than mend I" Wm ZOE'S VALENTINE. ? «IV HELEN WHITNEY tl.AKKK. help quaking every time Oousin Zoe looked at me. She did not say anything about the va'entine that night, for I took Rood care not to give her a chance. Bat the next morning, just as I was starting to school, she pounced out of the parlor, with her sweeping-cap and gloves on, and said: -All right, Bab**1/ And I said: ' * • "AH right." - I hoped, away down in my heart, that it was all right, and I thought it was I'm inro. Anyway, I had done the best I cm id t? make it right But I couldu't get rid of a guilty feel­ ing all day. Even at recess, when Snay and the other girls were playing "King Will­ iam." and "Oats, pens, beans and barley grows," I sat at my desk with my head on my arm, thinking how wicked I had been to lose Cousin Z >e"s valentine and then tell a story ab >ut it^ But that night, when supper was over, and I was studying my history lesson, Zoe came in with a big band­ box full of the prettiest silk scraps, and emptied them out on my lap. And then I broke down and oom * Idon'fc eee what Cousin^Zoe wanted menee(i to cry, and told her the whole feo send a va'entine for, anynow! storv She's awful old. Most nineteen, I -guess. "When I get as old as that, I'm «srtatn I won't care about sending val- «Dtio«s.| ° But she did, and she asked me to post it on my way to school. I had a good mind to refuse because she wouldn't let me see the valentine she got the day before. T thought it real mean of - her, when I showed ber all mine. But I gat to •aee it, anyway, for Cousin Zoe seiit me *o get a ball of bliie Geriuantown ^sepher out of her drap er the same day, -and there was thfe valentine right ber «ide it. 1 8iip(K)se I hadn't ought to, 4mt t couldu't help taking just one peep at it; and then I knew why she wouldn't show it to me, for it was a <nmic one -- the very coinicalist one J «ver saw. It was a picture of a big, stout woman, with a long, red nose. Cousin Zoe's nose is a little long, and she is sort of stout, too. I know she hates to be stout, for she wears her •dresses just as tight! Bui I didn't tell her I looked at the •valentine. 1 knew she felt mortified about it. And she said if I wouM post tius valentine for her, and not ted a single soul about it, she'd give me a whole bandbox full of silk scraps for any crazy-quilt. C was iva! glad to get them, for I was afraid Su-y Dawe would finish her qtrilt before I did. Her sister jDassy is a dressmaker, and so she gets lots of eerape. , So I said I'd take it, and i tucked it ciiiWter my arm and started. But when I got tcr the postoffice, it wasn't there-- the valentine, I mean--and I went Imek three blocks to loook for it, but j story. "1 won't take one of jfour pieces," I said, *"if I never finish my silk quilt." And Cousin Zoe! I'll never forget how she looked. But at that very min­ ute the door-bell rang, and she hurried away to oj en it. I didn't learn much of my history that night, though I sat un later than common studying it. But when I had put away my books and gone up stairs to go to bed, Cousin Zoe came in and kissed me, and sh looked so bright and happy I couldn't help asking what had happened. And her cheeks got as red as if she was ashamed of something; but she said: "Nothing has happened, only Joe Hazard has been here, and--and it's all right, Bab. Ana I'm so thankful you didn't send the one I gave you. for it was that comic one I got the other day. I thought hte had sent it to me, and I was going to send it back - again. But he hadn't f-ent it, after all, and-- and we are both thankful to you for what you did." "Oh, Zoe. did you tell him?" I cried. "Why, of course! I couldn't let him think I sent it, when I didn't," she ex­ plained. "But it's it's all right, Bab. and he told me to thank you for him." I didn't see why he should thank me, and I couldn't imagine what Cousin Zoe meant by looking so happy, and saying it was all right. But I was glad it wa?, and my heart felt lighter than it had for two days. ,W'en I went to school the next morning and took out my atlas to study my geography lesson, I found the valentine that I thought I had lost. And then I remembered that I had put it there after I started, so it wouldn't j get crumpled and had forgotten all •eoaldu t find it, and I came near being J about it. I hadn't used the atlas the Jafce to school on account of it. , dav before, because we only have map- I felt so worried about it, too, that I questions twice a weak. xnissed my spelling lesson, and got kept I took the va'entine home and gave in all recess. I told Susy Dawe about jt to Cousin Zoe, and she burnt it up. it at dinner-time. Of course. Cousin She has got two new silk dresses Vroe wouldn't mind Susy knowing it Only she didn't want grandma and Un- •cle Dave and brother Bobbie to know, <-becMse they'd be sure to tease her. And Susy asked right away who the "vafctotine was to. -Jo Hazard," I told h^ ^ And then she said. 1 "*Why don't you buy another and him, Bab?" (My name is Barftara, gbody. calls me Bab.) "He bat what it's the same one," ;h! I hadn't thought of by ~Ways was smarter than ; me. So I asked her if she would go to • the stove with me to buy one, and she • saifi she would. Hhe store was right around the cor­ ner on Prairie avenue, so we had time enough to go before school began again. *Wa* ,it a pretty one or a c^mic?" ahe asked, as we hurried along. 3o Hazard aid Cousin Zoe used to be great friends, and he was always com­ ing to our house, and taking her to singing-school or sleigh riding and other places. But something happened ---I never knew what it was. But I bow Cousia Z e and Jo had some sort •of falling out, and he stopped coming. And Zoe felt bad about it, too. I <eouM see that plain as the nose on my faee--and that's a pretty plain one, •overyb'xiv says. But I don't care. I'd aatiaer he smart than prettv any dar. And so I told Susy that I thought it •aaast have been a pretty one. _ "It's likely Cousin Zoe wants to make "•p with him," I said, "by sending him * real pretty valentine." For I always judge other people by •Myself, Mix! I know that's the way I would So if I wanted to make friends «with anybody. And so Susy and I picked out the! "WBiy prettiest valentine (that didn't cost too much) iu the whole store. But there "were such lots and lots of 'em, it was •lard work to choose. -* Snsy wanted me to take one with silk lately, and she gave me the scraps from both of them, and Jo Hazard gave me a pretty work-box with a silver thimble, "to pay for his valentine," he said, and to use in making my crazy-quilt Last night, when I came home from school, I found grandma and Cousin Zoe had tacked down a new carpet in the parlor, and were putting np some curtains to the windows. I asked grandma what they we^e fix­ ing up so nice for, but she only an­ swered that school-girls musn't ask questions. But I think I can guess what it's for. Jo Hazard comes here oftener than he ever dik, and Zoe wears a brand- new gold ring on her finger. And be­ sides, I saw her reading a recipe for wedding cake, the other day. Shop Girls Baying Lottery'Tickets. Two working girls stood leaning over the desk of the rear of a fruit store on Woodward avenue. "What number did you dream of last night ?" inquired the older of her com­ panion in a whisper. "I forgot exactly, but it began with three and ended with - three," replied the other in a voice as low. The first girl's brow knitted. "Well, let us look at the tickets," she said finally. The clerk produced a nftmber of lottery tickets. "How mean!" she ejaculated disap- poictedlv, after a hurried examina­ tion. "There isn't one that begins and ends in three. Are you sure it wasn't some other number?" The other pursed her lips emphatic­ ally and slowly shook her head. "Well, here is 332. That's got two threes, and two comes pretty near it an v way." There was some little hesitation, and then the girl addressed pulled out modest little jjocketbook and extracted therefrom three nickels, one quarter T,,CU T? ! aud a ten cent piece. Her com pan im fruge all .round it and a tiny little ()ut myste,ious p0cket ;,ne8.,d?' ^"^mgoid, abrmt ber dreS8 a ditfgy ha!{ }dollttr. The e'erk nonchalantly passed over the ticket and the coins changed hands. WitEftS ABE TOUR STAMPS? mm BLLED 'With a vetae under it that said: 'Look in the and you will see The dourest one aa earth to me." iBat 1 didn't exactly li*e that, and, be- aades, I had found a prettier one. It was bordered with a wreath of for- •get-me-nots, and in the centre was a •Iver dove, holding out a leaf, and on the leaf was written: "Forgive and forget." I thought that would be very appro­ priate. And Susy thought so, too. 8a I bought it, and a big envelope to ipat it iu; ai.d, _before I sealed it up, I As the two girls passed out of the j store 1 he younger maid turned to her ] sister, with an appealing look in her mi id, blue eyes. "For pity's sake don't breathe a word to mother!" the exclaimed.--Detroit Tribune. I>ucky He Has iu Debt. "1 always laugh," related an old resident to the Milwaukee Wisconsin ZL--tr- * 17 ' j it «. T i 1 "when I remember an experience I had p«t in one of Zoe.s caid* that I hap-; wlien a iX)y. i Hved ^ the countrv pened to Lave in my p .cket, so he would and oue day another ^ and my8e"lf ! had occasion to go to town. He owed me in tf Any Oimflai Thrr* or Fo«r Millions of Th«m lying Aroirail be Can Flad » Market for Them. Has any one 1,000,000 stamps, 6* 500,000, or 100,000? The man who has long been wanted by people who have saved up stamps and who have jeal­ ously guarded them for years has been found. He actually buys cancelled stamps by the million or the hundred thousand. The cheerful news is given f >r the benefit of those who have cried out fur . ia formation from time to time. But the man who buys them does not expect to see them redeemed, nor is ho trying to relieve the sufferings of tho.se who have carefully hoarded the "little greeu uus," the three cent stamp and the five cent stamp, and the stamp of all kinds. But the seekers of wealth by stamp-selling are not likely to acquire great fortunes in this way. If they have only collected a few thou- saud, or even 100,000 they would better become discouraged and give it up, for the wholesale market price of cancelled postage stamps (unless for some reason they are extrinsicallv more valuable) is $100 a million. And* that is $10 a hundred thousand. "Why do I buy postage stamps?" said G. B. Caiman, of No. , 299 Pearl street, to a Tribune, reporter. *Wl»y, to sell them, of course." . > ; "Who wants them?" "If people did not want them, I cer­ tainly should not buy them." "Give one instance, of a reasonable demand for them." " Well, there is a big cigaretjte com­ pany which has a cancelled stamp On a picture which is given away with every box of cigarettes. The company uses millions of them." "Another." "A certain publication gives a stamp book for so many coupons, the coupons going with the papers." "What kinds of stamps do vou buv?" "All kinds." "But who wants common, green two cent stamps? They are not rare." "Well, they are less common in West­ ern Bulgaria than in New York City. I buy stamps in all parts of Europe and bring them to America, and I ship American stamps to all parts of Europe." "How many stamps do you buy a year?" "I bought over 50,000,000 last year. For fifteen years I have averaged about 20,000,000 a year." » " What becomes of them ?" "Think of all the shops where stamps are sold. A great many people make collections, and the stamps are all gathered for them in this way." "What do you pay for stamps?" "One hundred dollars for a million of any kind. I don't care what they are, I will take them. Bnt I pay a great deal more for rare ctaes, of course. Sometimes people find old stamps which have been lying around for years. Frequently they are valuable." "•Suppose you were to get an order to-day for 50,000,000 could you fill it?" "Yes." "Would you buy as many?" "Yes." "How do you handle them?" "Those packing cases are full of them. You see the stamps are as­ sorted and put in envelopes and boxed for shipment." It would not pay, would it, to count 1,000,000 two cent stamps; how do vou manage that?" 'We can estimate them almost pre­ cisely by weight." So cancelled stamps really have a market value." "If they did not, as I said before, I should not buy them. Bring round a million or two in boxes or bales, and bee for yourself. There are few things in these days that are allowed to go to waste." And he picked up a package of foreign stamps and gave them to the reporter as a nest-egg.--New York Tribune. simply showed that . our market was lower than the ruling prices there. These Western hides shipped are at pre-ent unknown in Eur6pe, ,and the parties making the venture are doing it on speculation alone, and are taking their chances of its coming to a success­ ful issue.--Boston Advertiser. Recalling a Nailic. It requires more of an effort to re­ member something ftnee forgotten than it does to learn something new. Many a man has tossed on his bed at night trying to remember a name of no im­ portance whatever. This is the way it usually comes about--"Let me see. It was the spring of '57, I believe. An old fellow named--named--what was his name? I'll think of it after awhile. Strange I can't think of that name! It was at the end of my tongue a minute ago. Pshaw! Well, no matter." He proceeds with his story, but he is not satisfied. Thte name would add noth­ ing to the story, but tho narrator does not like to be beaten that way, and at night, while every one else is asleep, he "flops" over and over, trying to think of the name. He begius at A, and Klowly sounds the letters of the alphabet, but receives no <-lue to the whereabouts of the absconding cognomen. He gives it up a dozen times, and resolves to have hothing more to do with it, but the first thing he knows he is hard at work again. He doze/*, but awakes and re­ sumes his search. He gets up, goes to the water-bucket and just as he raises the dipper to his lips, the name pops into his head. "Humph!" he grunts, "why didn't I think of it at first? Old man Catswell! Catswell, Catswell! I knew it began with a C." He knew no such thing. "Catswell I Well, I'll de­ clare!" He goes back to bed and re­ peats the name over and over again. The next morning the very first thing he does is to refer to the story again, but, harrassing circumstance, the name again eludes him. He knows that it be­ gins with an S. He remembers it finally and is surprised that he forgot it begau with a C. In the reduction of flesh, the Banting system cannot rival this process. It is said that when a Russian is trying to recall the name of a friend, he shuts himself in a room and permits no one to see him until he lias passed through the terrible trial. One of the Russian generals whose awful name figured conspicuously in a recent war, once tried to recall the un­ compromising name of a relative. ^He wem into a closet. Whea he went in he was a fat man. When he came out he was offered a position in a sid v show to do the light work that is generally assigned to the living skeleton.--Ar­ te ansaw Traveler. Rip Van Wiukle and the Farmer. "In his autobiography Joseph Jeffer­ son recalls many ludicrous iucidents of his stage experience," said a Southern admirer of the actor at the Hoffman House yesterday, "but among them all I have seen no allusion to something that happened in Atlanta, Ga., on the night of Jefferson's first appearance there as Rip Van Winkle. De u ive's Opera House was packed from foot­ lights to ventilators by an audience that came from all parts of the State. A Typographical Blonder. The last time Patti visited Kansas City, says the Kansas City Journal, she created a little scene in a hotel lobby, when a densely ignorant porter seized several traveling bags belonging to Scalchi, to convey them to her room, and left Patti's impedimenta on the floor. The diva screamed with rage, and when the unfortunate servant meekly protested that he was unaware of Patti's importance, having nevfcr heard of her before, she seriously en­ dangered her beautiful voice. This incident is brought to mind by a more recent one, which is quite as apt an illustration of the intense profes­ sional jealously which possesses this great singer, who acknowledges no rival, and which, in greater or less de­ gree, torments so many of the actors and singers of the day, The railroad company which provided the special train to convey the Italian Opera Company from Chicago to New Orleans had prepared a handsome souvenir time table, a photo-engraved card. l)earing on its title page an excel­ lent likeness of the diva, and on the in­ side pages, along with other matter, the names of the operatic stars. When those time tables were printed they were presented to Mr. Maurice Grau by a railroad official, who natur­ ally expected a few words of praise and thanks, but this is what Mr. Grau said, trembling the while with excitement: "My dear sir, take them away; on ho account must the madam see one of them. Why, my dear sir, the madam's name should be in letters twice as big as that of the siguor." Witless railroad official, ignorant printer! The name of Patti and Sig- nor Tamaguo were printed in type of same size! But one course was open to the railroad man. He had a new edi­ tion printed, with Patti's name in There wasn't squatting room in the | larger type, and presented the old edi- aisles nor standing room in the lobby. I never saw an audience so attentive. They drank in the play through their eyes and ears as if they had been athirst for months. And I reckon they had-- for something in the dramatic line. "Southerners are very emotional, you know, and there>was much weeping in the house during the scene where Rip and his wife have their little set-to which ends in his being, driven out of the back door into the dark night and the storm. ' The lightning lightened tion to Signor Tamagno to send home to his friends. Will Carleton's First Poem. What may really be called my first poetic effort was written at 10 years of age, and was a letter in rhyme. My older sister was at boarding school; she had written for some of the papers and magazines both in prose and poetry and I thought I would show her that she had not carried away with her all the and 'the"*thunder thundered "and" the I a^|a^8 the family. I heard of a countrvmen'in the audience stood unto neighboring _ young man who could 4m sure it was from her. And then I got the lady we bought it •of to direct u to Mr. Jo Hazard, be- •«auf« I al ways ruu the words down ~hill wheu I'm ditecting an envelope. f)Aud then we dmp.jed it in a Ietter- and ran to school just as the first -bell was. ringing, I didn't feet quite right about it, though, and T kept out of Cousin Zoe's jmy as much as I could when I got j The" water" was~q"n"ite'deep ^nd "he WM ' . . .. . , ! in considerable danger. I worked with •I baa half a miad to^ tell her what 11 might and main for fifteen or twenty me fifty cents, and he was to pay when we reached town, where he tended to get change tor $1. In going to town we had to cross a creek. It was early in winter, and the ice was ; strong enough to hold me, but lie was a great deal heavier, and in following me he broke through. He began at once to yell and scramble for dear life. fefldd ue. but then I was afraid she would be angry, and not give me the qpult-pioces. So I made up my mind j loot to nay.anything about it. | . Cousin. Z >e was in the kitchen, help- ' fcg grandma get supper, when I got Jbome, aud I slipped into the parlor and Went to poulticing my music lesson till & was ready. I believe I wowld have stayed away -from, my supper if I had dared. But I knew that wou'du't d>. Grandma woald l*j sure I was i»iok, and give me a Aoee of tnedioine and some gruel--and I hate grael almost as bad as I do medi- So £ went to supper, «ed ate quite a ^p6d deal, con»idering my conncienoe; but it ' * J-oouldalfc j;ae<K. watch it. Just as Iiip opened the door there was a blinding flash, followed by a deafening roll and rumble, and he turned back for an instant in a last silent appeal to his wife. That look was too much for a lank farmer in the balcony. Springing np in his seat, high abov^ the sea of heads around him, he shouted with all his voice: "Don't go, Rip, don't go!" "Jefferson must have heard, that yell and the blubbering that followed it, for he seemed to pause again before he plunged into the howling darkness. The farmer took on terribly, attracting the attention and sympathy of the whole house. He refused to be com­ forted and finally got up and left the place, crying like a baby. I learned afterward who the booby was. He had ridden horseback through the raiu for ninety miles to see that performance," write letters in rhyme, and so I thought I would undertake the same feat. I did up everything at the farm and in the vicinity in choice doggerel, and mailed it to her. A precious young goose she must have thought me. I represented her favorite horse as about to die of melancholy, because she was not there to ride him, told her the trees and flowers were all perishing beoause she was not present to smile* upon them, and killed off two worthy and healthy neighbors because their names happened to rhyme with some word of a mortuary character. The whole let­ ter was wildly sepulchral in its nature, and half amused aud half scared the young lady. I remember that it closed with these pathetic lines: '"I must end my letter And bjrlug it to n close; Terhapa it will be better To make the next in prose.' minutes and finally succeeded in. pull­ ing him out. " 'By Jove,' I exclaimed, as I puffed and panted after ray exertion, "it was a pretty tough job getting you out of that creek.' " 'Yes, gol darn it,' he replied, 'and you wouldn't have done it if I hadn't owed you fifty cents.' * A JEBSEY writer believes that flies buzzing around the human countenance produce hay fever. This is a theory not to be sneezed at -- Louisville Courier-journa». HONESTY IS doubtless the best policy, " " seems to have expired long American 11 ides Going Abroad. The lo tf paint to which the price of hides has been forced through the de­ pression which has existed of late seems to have tempted sellers to try and find a new market for their merchandise. During the past few weeks about 80,000 to 100,000 dry Western hides have b6en shipped to Europe in order to try that market. How this new departure will turn out is at present entirely problem­ atical, but if European tanners can use our hides to advantage it will open up a new field and tend to give a tonjo of steadiness to this market that has not been felt for a long time. The recent shipment of African hides to Europe from this market, while anew feature in itself, was not of that importance to the trade here that this later shipment will be if it proves successful in opening^np a new market. African hides are well- known in Europe, where they have a l general market price, and the fact that shipment* sylMtfist.: £• . Jrorn tWs *idp The eagerness with which she con­ sented to this proposition made me fear that poetry was not exactly my best card. But she was a dear, sweet girl, and upon her return home she petted and encouraged my poor little rhymes much more than they deserved. The grief of my boyhood was her death, a few years afterward. She would have made her mark iu, literature, and I hope is to-day writing songs in Heaven. -- Will Carleton, in Ladies' Home Journal. Where His Equals Were Found. "Prisoner," said the Judge to a very disreputable cilizeu who was brought in by the bailiff, "you are to have the privilege of being tried by a jury of your peers." "Does that mean my equals, Judge? "Yes, sir." "Don't do it, Judge. Ye can't get 'em nowheres without sendin' back the van to the jail for another load of prisoners. t e r c h d n t T t a v f y r . ' ' Oels a rtose «t His Own Medicine. Mr. StnbbV son was engaged in breaking up a piece of new land with a team of unruly oxen. Junior Stubbs becoming vexed at the ill usage he was deceiving from the plow hand e, set up inch a vociferation of protracted oath; as astonished the Rev. James Brown, who expected to see a bolt banish poor Stubbs into eternity. Feeling it his duty to chastise uncall d for wicked­ ness, he stopped and lectured the infu­ riated youth for some time, warning him of the punishment that awaited such blasphemy. "Why, sir, I'll bet my head that suov cattle, such plowiug^ would make minister swear." "I think not, my young friend," said he. "I am a minister and it would not make me swear." "I'll bet my dinner, on, it," was the sanguine urchin's reply, "and take the bet if you dare, sir." "To make a bet would be equally wrong, but I'll go one bout and prove to yon that your swearing is useless." The boy con Rented, at the same time applying his whip heartily to the oxen while turning them into the furrow. The parson took a firm hold of the handles and started the team. Rip- tear--slap--jerk--went the plow, giving him an occasional rap in the side or on the shins. The oxen feeling the smart of the ca ligation, were all but unman­ ageable, "We, back! gee, haw! Going along, Diamond," exclaimed the preacher, be­ coming excited. "The like of this I never did fee--geef, Buck; haw, Dia­ mond; g' laug." Slap went the plow tail against his side, knocking him some ten feet. The boy stopped the team. The minister gasped out: "I never saw the like; no man ever did, it beats all," etc. Thus he continued, until his bout was accomplished, when he triumph­ antly said to the lad: ' "There, I've gone a bout without swearing." "Yes," replied the boy, "butnot with­ out lying."* "What! do you mean to say I have lied?" "Yes, sir, because a great many have seen the same land, and some worse." "But you must never tell any one they tell lies--you should whistle--re­ member that." . After admonishing the youth soundly on swearing, he made him promise to be at church the next Sabbath where he was to preach. When Sabbath came, the boy, agreeable to his promise, went and took a front seat iu the gallery. During the sermon the divine observed that of all the bird creation the bite of the goose was the most severe. A shrill whistle was given by the boy. The minister's attention was drawn to the gallery, where he saw his hopeful youth. Again he repeated the same sentence, and agaiu the boy gave a shrill whistle which echoed throughout ihe church. As soon as the services ended the minister attacked him for improper con­ duct in church. "Didn't you tell me to whistle when­ ever I heard anyone tell a lie?" replied the boy. '•Did I tell a lie to-day?" "Yes, sir, you said a goose was the most severe of any of the feathered tribe." "Well, didI lie then?" "Yes, sir." "How?" "Beoause, sir, the gander ean bite just as hard as the goose, if not harder." , The parson left for dinner. Variety in Domestic Life. The evenings of great numbers of families are monotonous humdrum. They involve the assemblage of the same people, the same surroundings, the same paterfamiiiasyawning over his paper and the same querulous mamma overladen with family cares. Fresh people with fresh thoughts, fresh at­ mosphere; anything to stir up and agi­ tate the pool of domestic stagnation, are sadly needed and sadly scarce. There needs to be also a constant succession of fresh people to bring about these re­ sults. The world is full of men and women, and in a better regulated life it would be the business, after the day's work was done, to entertain each other and give each other fresh life. As it is now, hundreds if not thousands of our house­ holds are little better than ceils for the incarceration of each family. Thou­ sands are thus worn out prematurely from utter lack of domestic recreation. There might be wrin$ti over the graves of hundreds of thousands, "Bored to death by the stagnation of domestic life." There i% no other agency which so well presents the monotony and hum­ drum of domestic life alluded to, as good, instructive books and good news­ papers. And there®"is no pleasure or profit so cheap, when one considers its trifling money cost. CerenioiuoDs. Frenchmen are noted for their punc­ tiliousness, but they have no monopoly of that virtue. A nice sense of pro­ priety occasionally crops out iu quite un­ expected quarters. "Pat," said the superintendent of one of our New England manufactories, "go down to the firm's office and wash the windows." Pat presently appeared in au outer room with his bucket ahd sponges. "An' I was tould to wash the windys in the firm's office," he said to one of the clerks. "All right, that's it right in there," answered the clerk, pointing to the door. "But they're in there," said Pat. "Oh, never mind, go right in." But Pat still hesitated. "Faith," said he, "an' would vo plazc be after goin' in an' inthroducing me?" Must lie New. Old Lady--I'd like to git a pair o* (hoes, young man. Polite Clerk--Yes, ma'am. Some- hing pretty nice, ma'am? Old ljady--I want 'em good 'n' stout. Polite Clerk--Well, ma'am, here's a strong shoe, an excellent strong shoe. It lias beeu worn a great deal this win­ ter Old Lady--Man alive, I don't want no shoes that's been worn this winter nor any other winter; I want a bran' new pair!"---Puck. Another Frauil .Exposed. Waiter Girl--You better get your board in advance from that man what says he's a United States detective. Land ady--He looks honest. 4 " He's no detective; he'd never sus­ pect anybody of anything. He ate his mince pie wi'hout looking under the Sen or Much Money. A New York gentleman, engaged in business enterprises of enormous mag­ nitude, said to a newspaper writer the other day: • The tendency ia to overestimate the wealth of most men here reputed to lie very rich, but there is another tendency not so oonspicnous, and that is the dis­ position to underestimate the riches of some of the very i ich men. I suppose, in regard to men engaged in active business, the proper way to estimate their wealth is as they do in England, by their permanent incomes. There they say a man has so mauy thousand pounds a year. Here we say a man is worth so much money. Now, a man who up to his ears in business can never tell how.much he is worth. His proper, y might, if clo.-ed out at a forced sa'e, fetch many thousand dollars lesf than it would if he continued to handle it. I have seen, in the papers, certain men set down for millionaires who, ] have every reason to know, if they died and their incomes stooped, would have an estate which would not yield $250,- 900. The millionaires in this city are fewer, proportionately, in number--1 mean the single millionaires--than are the hundred millionaires. The richest men we have in New York possess" more wealth than they are given credit for. I saw some time ago a statement that John D. Rockefeller, of the Standard Oil Company, was the richest man in America, and probably in the woi\d, and I have seen, within la day or two, a statement which makes estimate of Rockefeller's wealth at $90,000,000. The first assertion is nearer correct than the last. There are several men New York who possess more than $90,000,000. Both of the Vanderbilts have property, kmost of which is in clean-cut, gilt-edge securities, placed in immense vaults in their safe deposit companies which will yield considera­ bly over $911,000,000 if turned into cash. I think Jay Gould';* wealth is under­ estimated and that he has to-dav nearer $100,000,000 than the $60,000,000 with which he is credited. The income from his property and from the Vander­ bilts is an enormous sum of money and goes on compounding at a prodigious rate. But none of them has an income that will compare with John D. Rocke­ feller's, and the property of no man iu this country, and I think no where in the world, shows such steady an enor­ mous accretions of Avealth as his. "Russell Sage's wealth is underesti­ mated, q,nd so is that of William Rocke­ feller and John D. Bostwick, of the Standard Oil Confpanv, who are al&c allied in seme great railroad interests and antagonistic in others. When yon see figures set down against the name) of those men who are known to be enor­ mously rich, such as I have mentioned, and three or four others, you may feel sure that an underestimate has been given, and on the other hand, these men who are credited with five and four and three millions apiece, • are likely to possess not half of those sums." Beauty and Wit. In enumerating instances of where frauds have been perpetrated on rail­ road companies a Chicago paper men­ tions the following: Oue handsome widow wrung a ver­ dict from Ihe, Wabash Company that marked her a genius. Ben Williams, a farmer, was run over and killed at a railroad crossing under circumstances which left the blame on the company. He was nearly twenty miles from home at the time, in an adjoining county from that in which he lived. Immediately after the accident the handsome, tear- stained widow appeared in the county where the accident occurred, declared herself Ben Williams' widow and de­ manded $10,000. Her lawyer pressed the suit vigorously, and after such de­ lay as seemed proper the case came on for trial. Williams' death, the respon­ sibility, her relationships-all were proved in an afternoon, and the attorneys singularly enough, let the case go to the jury without argument. In an hour those twelve men came and dried the sweet woman's eve3 with a verdict for $8,000. The company's attorney offered her $5,000 or a chance to fight an ap­ peal, and she took the former, convert­ ing it at once into good, hard cash, with which she walked out of town and into "parts unknown" which have never since yielded her up. It transpired later that Williams' relatives, sober people, had concluded to sue the rail­ road company after a fitting time had elapsed from his death, and that in the meantime they entertained a lovely young woman from the East, a can- vassor for certain art publications. She beguiled Ben's widow to wait a year before beginning proceedings, put on mourning herself and went up to the adjoining county seat, where none of the parties were personally known, and brought that suit, won it and pocketed the monev before a hint was carried to the Williams farm house. The real widow afterward brought suit, and, al­ though perfectly honest, found her hardest battle was to confront the charge of complicity with the stranger in the former suit. Her case is still in .court--not became it is without merit, but because the records iu the general office say the affair is settled. But the attorney who effected the compromise with the first charmer is not at present attending to the Wabash's legal affairs in his county. They have found a more deliberate and less susceptible lawyer. These ca*es could be added to without limit, every railroad company in the country having been victimized over and over again. Is it any wonder they have fallen into the habit of opposing all claims with an appearance of stub­ bornness and an effort for delay ? How to Make Other* Happy. There are some people who are out of sorts at every baud's turn for no legiti­ mate reason; because the sun has gone under a cloud, because they slept badly or ate too heartily; but the companion­ able person make3 the best of every situation. Take the companionable young woman, for instance. She is not fidgety or fussy, and her prejudices are not, as with some, her chief chai-acter- istics. Whea she arrives, she brings another atmosphere with her, and com­ mon things, seen with her eyes, become wonderful. She is a person of ideas, and bestows them with prodigality; she u not so often a wit as the occasion of wit in others. Sh* makes every one nappy who comes within her influence. An Honest Conductor. Harvard Graduate--The Boston horse railroad companies have at last found a conductor that is honest. Delighted Parent--And who is he? Harvard Graduate--The electrical conductor. Delighted Parent--There y<»u »re wrong, my son; I heat of hist knocking down everj- day. The young man decides to take an- WISE AffD tfKflSK. r-:: Katv words are like bald heads eau never dye. a THE yachtsman ought to be tk6* oughlv familiar with sheetrmnsic. THK "witching time of night" ia the hour in which you can't tell w'ich from t'other. THERE is usually a good deal of bach talk when two women get together to discuss the bustle. IN this age of sharp rivalry the man who permits his wita to go wool gath­ ering is very liable -o get worsted. No WONDER the amateur biologist |f perplexed by the anatomy of the (^li­ ter. He cannot make head or tail of it. SHE- -Will you promise to get up in the morning and build the fire after wc are married--Yes, dear, 1 will--except in winter. POSTAGE Stamp--I've just been re­ ceiving a terrible licking. Envelope- Well, stick close to me and we'll gel' through all right "COME and see us again. John," said the police captain to the Chinaman joat bailed out. "Yes, dome and see at giain, in a plig's eye," retorted John. KNEW when to leave--la your cat in telligent? ., "I should 6ayso! She heard me tell the cool- to have rabbit stew for lunch, and she hasn't been sent since." • •/ - SQUIRE GRUKF--Hey, hey. boy*! what's this? Bobby--I hit Tommy, and be hit me back. Tommy--'Taint so, sir; I didn't hit his back; X just punched his nose! SHE--You are such a solitary inan, Mr. Sibly, I should think you would get lonesome. He--Oh, no; I enjoy being by myself, e She--(thoughtfully,) --I don't see how ycu can. "I SUPPOSE you are ready to substan­ tiate any statement your paper makes?** said an angry looking caller to the editor. "Oh, yes. We have the com­ positors prove everything that is set up." • MAXTDE--Oh, Elsie! Why, I her not seeu you for years! What have y« • been doing with yourself? Elsie--I have been getting married! Maude--Get- married for love? Elsie--Yes, for love --of money. "How OLD are yon, Bridget?" asked a lady of her Irish maid-of-all-work. "Shure, mem," replied Bridget, "I wn. j'tst tin months older than me brother Tim, and if he lives till next Octobei I'll be twinty-four." No USE talkin' to me 'bout layin' up money for a rainy day," said Unolc Ebo, addressing an attentive group; "nc use talkin' dat way to a man wid sich luck as I always hab. Why, Gre%t Scott! if I was to lay up money for a rainy day, we'd hab a drought for forty 'ears No, sah; .you don't ketch me io dat sort o' trap." HOW JOHNNY LOST THE PRIZE. His family and friends were there, His uncles, cousins. auntH ; And all were sure that for the prise Their Johnny hud beet chance. Twas Johnny's turn to speak big piece; He said with ouatretched htrade: "Under a spreading blacksmith tree The village ches.nut stands. --Puch. EDITOR--Mr. Funniman, this is a very amusing thing, but we can't print it. The public won't appreciate it. funniman--All right Let me change the hero's name from McFolleigh tc McGinty. Editor--(reading it over again)--Al<! that's something like. It's got the trne ring. I knew there was something the matter with it JOHN--Clara, I've got an important question to ask you. Clara--I know what it is. You want me to be your wife. I dreamed it. Well, take me. John (rather nonplused)--Yon dreamed it? C--Yes, I dreamed last night that you asked me what I am asking you, and that you took me in your arms and kissed me after I said you What could John do? THE commercial traveler of a Broad­ way house, while in Tennessee, ap- ^ proaclied a stranger as the train was about to start and said: "Are you go­ ing on this train?" "I am." "Have you any baggage ?" "No." "Well, my friend, you can [do me a favor, and it won't cost you anything. You eee, I have two rousing big trunks, and they always make me pay extra for one of them. You can get one checked cm your ticket and we'll eucher them. See? "Yes, I pee, but I haven't any ticket." "But I thought you were go­ ing on this train?" "So I am. I'm III# conductor." Thank Yon. Two men, sitting near each other on a Clark street grip car coming down Clark street, Chicago, the other morn­ ing, were as unlike as any two men liv­ ing in the same social atmosphere could well be. One was dignified and solemn, the other aspired to be funny. The funny fellow commented on everything, speaking to no one in particular, but addressing himself to every one who might hear. After awhile the dignified man, drawing himself up, said: "You spit on me then, sir." "Thank you," the fuuny man replied, "What do you mean by thank you?" thj> dignified man asked. "Oh, I like to be told of my faults and peculiarities so that I may correct them. If you hadn't told me that I spit on yon I might never have known it" The passengers laughed uproariously and the funny fellow was delighted. A few minutes elapsed and tlieu the digni­ fied man made another remark. "Sir," said he, "you have spit on me again." "Thank vou kindly," the fnnny man replied. "Oh, I'm trying to distinguish myself by evidences of good breeding and every time a foible i< called to my notice, w'hy I am just that much farther ahead on the road of improvement The dignified man struek him in the mouth. • "You have knocked out my teetn-T howled the funny fellow. "Thank you," said the dignified man as he swung himself from the oar. Af' kantsaw Traveler. K« Spooks in New Tort. Haunted houses have very little re­ spect paid to tliem in this city, and it is dollars to doughnuts that the e isnt one to be found iu the citv to-day. writes a New Yorker. Property is too valuable hereabouts for the oceupancy * of intangible specters. In the country a haunted house can hold its head np proudly for years, but in prosaic New York dollars freighten the spooks away. It is astonishing how great an interest is being taken at present all ... over the country in spiritualism. Go \9here one will seances are well at­ tended. There will be found too, aft these meetings, men and women who, have won recognition from the world as thinkers. True, a great deal of fraud is practiced under the name of spiritual­ ism by designing people, but the gen- eralidiftfeia a hwmtifiil «yi » ' z f ' i