Illinois News Index

McHenry Plaindealer (McHenry, IL), 26 Feb 1890, p. 7

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? Beating- a Circa i Adrertising Affent. The weekly paper on which I learned i mJ trad© was situated in a town which no circus poiug West ever skipped. We Used to conat on those circns ads. as reg- nlarlv as we did on the holidays, and for years and yearH we were without a break. Thejr Hrere c BII, or' conrse, outside of the ; dozen free tickets which the agent left, sad the money pulled the publisher through a tight plnce more than once. Oor object man, of coarse, to get as high * Tata «s possible, nnd to get a high rule we had to boom the circnl it ion. It held : steady at about 4 aid for the first three or four yetrs it was snlfic'em to tell nn agent that we printed "about a thousand copies." A ter that, however, there was one chap wbo gave us trouble. He was an agent for old D<tn Rice, and he para- ; lyzed us by askiug to see the pile of pa- ptr we had wet down for the outside r pages. While he didn't get to see it, he knocked our regular $"40 ad. down to $30, and he had no sooner gone than we began to plan to beat him next season. Abiut the time be was expected we got an extra bundle of paper, fixed it with the landlord of the hotel to notify ns, I and the idea was to wet down enough to show a full thousand copies. We were daily expecting a call, when an old tramp i printer slouched into the office one morn­ ing and asked for a job. We were just getting ready to work off the outside p -ges, and as he said he was used to a " Washington" he was offered a quarter to i pail the edition. I was at the roller, and I soon si^w that he krew bis business. He could "fly" an I "point" his sheets : with surprising dexterity, i nd he brought the lever around w tli a "chuck" which made things shake. In two hours he reached the bottom shtet and turned to the publisher vith: "Is this all?" "Yes, that's all." , "I make the pile four bandied and fifty." * "It's about four hundred and eighty. Here's your quarter, and perhaps I'll let ; yon set np an auction bill this after- ; noon." When afterpoon came in walked the circus agent, looking as Jim Dandy as I yon please. We took one look at him and fainted. He was the identical chap • who had done the press-work of the morn- • ing. When we recovered consciou ne«s ' he was holding oat bis blistered hands • and saving: "I'll till out a contract at $18 anl leave . six tickets. Sorry for von, g< ntlemen, i but perhaps you can pet rid of that extra bundle of paper by discounting liberally j on the price. I'm working this little r -cket all along the line, and it's curious •• how fast the circuintion of the papers . below tive hundred." Two Mean Men. '< «. A Saw of a very selfish turft of Mind THE ARIZONA KICKER. •wail drinking a glass of beer in a railway refreshment-bar. when a very import «nt business called him ftway for some min­ utes. TosiVdhis half-emptied glass of beer agxinst intruders, he put a piece of paper undir it, wfth the following legend: "In this beer I have spit!" ' Coming back, oar hero was very mach horrified to real the poscripttMn: "So have I!"--Pick-Me-Up. THE Vulcan, a torpedo depot ship, in­ tended to eany small torpedo boats through seas too heavy for them to the point where their services are needed, and also to form a general floating repair shop fortorpedo boat-* in time of war, a vessel tbat n*vnl experts decire to be the most important nd ition that has been made to the British navy for a long time, has proved, even before her trial, to be too weakly built, and will have to be strength­ ened before she goes to sea. A FRENCHWOMAN has got np a contest in whioh a prize is to be awarded to tbe , y woman who speaks the greatest number of words in an hour. There is a hitch in V 7 *proceedings, however^ She has bden unable to find anybody brave enough to ^ „ act a.s referee.. * >• > : -r , tl f v: s--uVi s «, Good and Honest." is thus praised: State of Ohio Treas­ ury Dept., Columbus, Ohio, Feb. 6,1S89. "I have used St. Ja­ cobs Oil in my family for years, and find it to %ethe medicine of medicines FOR GENERAL USE. It is a good, honest medicine and honest men wQl not hesitate to recommend it to suffering htnranlty." JOHN P. SLEMMONS. .. -.V: ' Bookkeeper* AT DUTTGOISTS ANT> DEALERS. RJ tMI CHARLES A. vonpj PR CO.. Baltimera. Hfl. A ' V: • & ;o\ g|rn* Bmral Mew Specimen* ®f ITn(«a Bdtto- rml Kutwiirtm We extract the following from the last issue of tbe Arizona Kicker. IT HIT THE NAIL.--In our last issue we called attention to the fact that we had started a representative of the Kicker around tlie world. That rep- le entative is Apache .Tim, a full blooded Indian. He is the first and only red skin who has ever started out on such a tour, and probably the meauest and dirtiest. He is not to see how quick he can make the trip, but how long he can be about it We gave him $5 to lay in a supply of tobacco and -whisky, and he trill beat his way' on trains and steamboats. Our offer of a prize of a coyote akin jacket to the person who guesses nearest the time made by Jim has already brought in 1,2^0 guesses, ranging from 100 days to 120 years, and our enter­ prise is the talk of the whole West. We don't wonder that our lopped eared contemporary down the street is trying* to raise money to buy a box of rough- on-old-mossbacks. The only editorial ehterprise he has ever shown in thi« town was in riding out two miles to meet a circus and seeking an interview •with the Dodo, whom he suspected was his father in disguise. IT'S A GO.--Last night we forwarded a request to the Governor to be allowed to raise a cavalry company here to be known as "The Kicker Legion," and to be appointed Colonel of the same. There is no doubt but that this request will be swallowed like a hot buckwheat cake, and that in Jess than two months the streets of this town, will echo the thun­ der of charging squadrons. We pro­ pose to donate the weekly services of six mules, in case our request is com­ plied with, and we promise the boys in advance that we shall lead them on to glory and death whenever it is conven­ ient to do so. How are you "Colonel"--a real live Colonel with a commission in his pocket and a bosom full of patriotism and glory! No wonder the old shellback down the street sits and gazes into vacancy by the hour. He has lost his grip in this town, and he sees the hand­ writing on the wall. No advance will be made in our advertising rates on this account. All advertisements intended for the week's issue' must be in bji Tues­ day noon. Now LET HIM HOWL.--When the old chattel mortgaged, bankrupted, poverty-stricken concern down tbe avenue which claims to be a newspaper bought an old power press over in Tombstone City on tick and had it hauled over here by a twelve mule team, he expected the American continent to tip up at an angle of 45 degrees. "He was the first to display Enterprise--it was the first power press in town--he would show the people what real newspaper enterprise was," and so forth and so on. That press, as* everybody knows, has proved a flat failure, except to kill off two half-breeds who talked into its bowels under the idea that it •WAS A. phonograph, and as for any im­ provements in the typographical ap­ pearance or interest of our contempor­ ary it isn't there. Nothing but a drunken riot and a case of absolute "pi" could do that. We haven't been crowing around any, but we have been at work all tlie same. We now take pleasure in announcing to our readers that, beginning next week, we shall not only ink the forms of the Kicker with a regular glue and mo­ lasses roller procured in Denver at a great e&peuse and as a particular favor, but we shall place a jar of beans in our window and offer 100years' subscription to this paper to the person making the nearest guess as to the exact number. Three months will be allowed for send­ ing in the guesses. And as if this were not enough to , make the aforesaid cross-eyed, lame- jointed. buck-kneed, one-storied hyena who adds the word "editor" to his name wish he had never been born, we shall offer a prize of four gallons of whisky to the half-breed who can wear a shirt the longest, and take our whole office force tip in a balloon as soon as the •.vehicle, already contracted for, can arrive here. Now let our cotemporarv how} with his cracked voice and gnash his old enags together! We have only just be­ gun with him. Hp talk of editorial en­ terprise! He prate of giving subscrib­ ers double the value of their money! Why, we can think of more schemes in live minutes than could be crowded into his cranium in two thousand years! We've been a little saving of late, but now that this socalled "publisher" has seen fit to blow his bugle horn about enterprise we'll go down into our sock ; [find spend our last dime to drive him Into a rabbit hole and plug up the en­ trance.--Detroit Free Press. tltsn ii no rest for the sole of his feet, •ft3 if he had to do it over again he would not be born at all, for "the day of death is better than the day of one'-1 bin!tft-~Philadelphi& Times. A Little Too Warm. f : " An old gentleman, who taught a country school in New Hampshire fifty years ago, sometimes relates an amus­ ing, but not very agreeable experience which came to him in that long-age time. Hot water is a good thing tc warm one's feet, but, generally speak­ ing, it is far more agreeable when in the bottle than when out of it. He had been invited to spend the night at the home of one of his pupils. It was in midwinter and very cold, and during the evening he happened to say that he suffered greatly from cold feet. He was shown to an icy-cold bed­ room, but in a few moments after he had eraw ed between the frosty sheets there came a rap at his door, and his kind-hearted host, a thoughtful old farmer, ctftne into the room, a candle in one hand and a great brown jug in the other. "Here," he sStid, as he approached the bed, "it's cold enough to freeze a brass image; if you suffer with cold feet you'd better have something to keep 'em warm to-night, an' I've brought you a jug ol hot water to do it with," So saying, he put down liis candle, raised the bed coverings at the foot, and slipped the hot jug in between the sheets and against the young man'e chilled feet. "Oh> thank you," said the gratified guest, "that, is very comfortable indeed, and I--I--Oh! Gracious! take it away! Murder!" The guest rolled from tho bed to the floor, dragging the jug after him, where it broke into many pieces, while his host said: "Thar, now! I was a little skerry o! that cork when I put it in there, but my wife said there wa'n't no danger of it coming out; but I reckon it hez. Hurt ye much ? Sorry I was so keer- loss. Guess yer feeJt be'n't cold now, be they?" Wliy He Is Unhappy. A tall, erect man of 45 years strolled along Chestnut street, Philadelphia, .the oilier day, writes a correspondent, idly looking at the passers-by who thronged the; thoroughfare. He wore a derby hat, a dark top-coat and carried a stick of the most approved pattern. His clothing was cut in the latest style and his heavy Vandyke beard pro­ claimed him to be a mau of fashion. For convenience he may be called Mr. Clinton, and he lives iu New York. Mr. Clinton Was left an orphan with $60,000 income when he was 14 years old. Since then he has been every­ where and has seen everything. He has made two trips around" the world, has hunted silver-tips in the great divide, and, has killed tigers in the jungles. He has been on a Polar ex­ pedition, and has tramped through por­ tions of South America. Mr. Clinton is at home in Siberia, and would not be lost in Hong Kong's crooked streets. Yet, as he said last evening, he is the most miserable man on earth. He never married because so many girls lay in wait for his money, thus, making him very suspicious. He doesn't know what to do or how to kill time. He is by no means unknown as an ethnologist, and is an authority on certain gases. He is musical and fond of pictures and books. But everything bores him. Just now he is especially melancholy. Last summer one of his cousins w^p taken seriously ill, and a nurse from Philadelphia was called into requisi­ tion. The nurse is a magnificent speci­ men of womanhood, tall,lithe, and agile, possessing eyes and teeth and hair that perfectly charmed young Mr. Clinton, who had been all over the world. Her manners and conversation captivated him. He fell in love, proposed--and was rejected. Since July he has been "getting miserabler and miserabler," so he says, and has proposed twice more to the nurse. ill i «v.v; > IJ i i frf iai ' 5. •vrv ONE ENJOYS Both the method and results when Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant and refreshing to the taete, and acts gently yet promptly on the Kidneys, Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys­ tem effectually, dispels colds, head­ aches and fevers and cures habitual constipation. Syrup of Figs is the only remedy of Its kind ever pro­ duced, pleasing to the taete ana ac­ ceptable to the stomach, prompt in its action and truly beneficial in its effects, prepared only from the most healthy and agreeable substances, its many excellent qualities com­ mend it to all and have made It tlie most popular remedy known. Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50c and fl bottles by all leading drug­ gists. Any reliable druggist who may not have it on hand will pro* care it promptly for any one who wishes to try it Do not accept any substitute. CALIFORNIA F/G $VMP COL SAM FRAH0ISC0, CAL lommie, xr. new pmk. u.r. PATENTS.CLAAIHB. • 1» 91 \Jf IU O Send for Circular*. FAT*!!* O'tfAEBBiA, Atty.at Luw,Waaliiugton, D.C. Bnrdette's Sermon on Life. Man born of women is of few days and no teeth, and indeed it would be money in his pocket sometimes if he had less of either. As for his teeth he had convulsions when he cut them, and as the last one comes through, lo! the den­ tist is twisting the first one out, and the .last end of the man's jaw is worse than The Boers Sleep In Their G'lothea. In the Cape Colony and Orange Free State one day's routine exactly resem­ bles another. The family rise at dawn, and after devotions and a cup of coffee the flecks are unkraaled, and in charge of Hottentot or Kaffir boys are dis­ patched to their pasture on the veldt, or mountain, until evening. If the Boer is a wine grower, the work of the vineyard is directed, and tobacco and fruit crops are looked after, and other matters put in train for the day. At 8 o'clock breakfast is eaten, and at midday dinner. Then follows a siesta, and at sunset the horse, cattle, sheep, and goats are to put into kraal for the night. Then comes the evening meal and family devotions, and at 8 o'clock, or at least 9, all are asleep. Smoking is vigorously indulged in during the whole of the day, but this is not an expensive luxury, as Boer to­ bacco costs little or nothing to produce, and is sold at a retail price of from twopence to sixpence per pound. Large quantities of coffee are consumed, and, Esr&sx KSare' 'avo,ite roof-plate built to hold blackberry seeds. Stone bruises line his j athw&y The Bible is the only book which is generally read, at least, the family to manhood; his father boxes his ears at! , , - , • l.ome, the bi(? boja cuff him in-tt* taDDflra warn i« gggunn. iy mail. Stowell&OOB xlvituwn, HWi « TO 1»TK8T1KERI. 1LIRIES Dllf) To efficient SoHcitore. with 41 without experience, by 1LIFE INSURANCE COMPANY. AddresB Box ;»7G, Chicago. IU. If yon want yoor pension without aeUv, put yoor claim in tbe bands BC&TEB, Attorney, s PENSIONS of JTOMRPH II. IXCJKT] playground and the teacher whips him in the school room. He buyeth North­ western at 110, when he hath sold short 96, and his neighbors unloadeth upon him Iron mountain at 63$, and it straightway breaketh down to 52^. He riseth up early and sitteth up late that he may till his barns and storehouses, and lo! his children's lawyers divide tbe spoils among them and say: "Ha! ha!" fie growleth and is sore distressed be­ cause it raineth, and he beateth upon his breast, and sayeth," My crop is lost !* uecause it raineth not. The late rains blight his wheat and the frost biteth his peaches. If it be so that thesunshineth, even among the nineties, he sayeth, "Woe is me, for I perish!" and even if the northwest wind sigheth down in forty-two below, he crieth, "Would I were dead!" If he wears sackcloth and blue jean, men say, "he is a tramp,"' and if he goeth forth shaven and clad in purple and fine linen, all the people' cry "Shoot the dude!" He carrveth insurance for twenty-tive years, until lie hath paic* and then the "Nachtmaal," or Sacrament. The Boer seldom changes his cloth­ ing for his night's rest,, and his ablu­ tions are scanty enough; bnt theso habits have descended to him from his forefathers, who, from the manifold dangers and night alarms of the wilder­ ness, were formerly compelled to sleep in their clothes, so as to be able to go out at a moment's notice when danger threatened their flocks or themselves. Making Pearls to Order. Whether the pearl has gone oat ol fashion because of the facility with which artificial ones have been made is a matter that may be accepted as in a great measure true, for the pearl is one of the most beautiful of gems. In ad­ dition to the efforts, successful, too, to- fW*ard making artificial pearls, efforU have also been made from time to time to force tHe oyster itself to produce th« pearls by introducing foreign kubstance; within the shells, which have not been Whom th* Indhms I.«w|n|dt oa fts ttn'Evtl Spirit: r ? > An old-time resident of Denver a day or two since related an incident of the original "Buffalo Bill" Cody, father of the present famous showman, which has never been in print.- Old man Cody was a prominent figure ou the plains in an early day, being the owner of an exteusive trading post on the Arkansas, in the vicinity of old Fort Lamed. Late in the *50*8 he received informa­ tion that the Indians proposed to clean out his ranch, which was an extensive adobe building, surrounded by a stock­ ade. He did not pay much attention to it, but the same news continued to reach him, and was at last confirmed by the arrival of a large band of Cheyenne aud Arapahoes and Kiowas, who camped on the opj>osite side of a deep arrovo from the trading post, across which the mili­ tary authorities had erected a bridge for the passage of supply trains. ' The savages pretended to be very friendly, and wanted to trade, swapping furs aud skins for ammunition, but their real object was to burn the post and carry away Cody's scalp as a trophy --a fact of which the old frontiersman was well informed through the spies whom he had among them. The place was well armed, but not sufficiently manned to resist the attack of so formidable a band of redskins, and Old Bill cast about to see what he could do to protect himself. In the stock-yard of the fort was an old howitzer, which had been abandoned by some of the plains military expedi­ tions, and this lip carried up to the top of tho post* and placed it so that it would sweep tlie bridge. He had plenty of powder, but no other ammuni­ tion tit to load it with, and so he charged the gun with old mule shoes,'nails, bits of iron, and similar truck. The cannon loaded, he awaited de­ velopments. Early one morning he noticed an unusual movement in tho camp of his pretended friends, and soon, fully armed with w ar-paint on, the savages made a dash toward the- fort. Cody was at his howitzer, match in hand. The painted devils crowded the long bi^| narrow bridge, and just as the! foremost reached the nearest bank lies discharged his gun at the clear range of the bridge. There was a wild howl of disap­ pointed rage, a vision of dead Indians tumbling in the arroyo, of legs and arms and heads lying around loose without claimants, and fleeing and frightened savages escaping from the fatal bridge. Cod v's single shot had saved his post, and he was always thereafter left in peaceful possession of his ranch. Just what struck them on the bridge the Indians never knew, and the survivors of the fatal charge always entertained the firm belief that "Buffalo Bill" was in league with the evil spirit, and. as such, a person to whom it was safe to give a wide berth.--Denver News. ' nanamakers Storjwy Postmaster General Wanamalcer told his Bible class a very pretty and pa­ thetic little anecdote at Bethany Sun­ day school. "A young and neatly-dressed little woman," he said, "came to. my office in Washington and said that her husband : had been drinking to excess, and had left home forever. She told a very creditable story, and w6und up bv ask­ ing me if I wouldn't give her a'place.*; I asked her if she loved her husband,' and she said 'yes,' with a sob, big tears beginning to steal down her .cheeks, she said she had but one child, a little girl, whom she fairly worshipped. "Her story touched me deeply, and I asked her if she wouldn't like to have her husband back again./ 'Oh! yes, she replied, 'but he would never come back.' She didn't know where he was. I promised to do what I could for her, and she went away... "I made it a pdpnt to find the hus­ band. When this 'was done, and we stood face to face, I asked him if he didn't want to go back to his home, to stop drinking and become a man again. He answered with sobs, that his wife would never forgive him, and there was no use to trv. \Do you love your wife?' said I. " 'Yes, sir. I do,'-he said, 'but I have acted so badly that I cannot go home, because I know my wife loves me no more.' u 'She does, my friend,' I assured him, 'I have seen your wife, and she would be overjoyed to have you come back. You have trudged through many weary hours of sorrow, and have brought it all, upon yourself.' I told him to go to his wife and be happy again. To make a long story short, he did go back, and now two hearts that were once scattered and sad beat &£aio as ou4."--Fliiladelphia Inquirer. To Those Interested. ' HASTINGS. Mich.. April 22,1831 Bheumati$ fcyrup Co.. Jackson. Mich: 0*NTS--This is to ee tify that I had been troubled with rheumatism in all its forms for the past twwlvo years, and was confined to my boi at various perio ls from three to six months at a Tim und f could get about only bv the aid of crutcnes. I employed several first-class physicians of this citv. bone of whom effected a cure or gave tem­ porary relief even. About two years ago I was induced uf try Hiobard's Rheumatic Srtup, and. after taking a few bottles I experienced relief, and now tynsider myself cured. I unhesi­ tatingly recommend this medicine for rheumatism^ I know what it has done for mo. what physicians could not do. L •„ cured me of rheumatism. / ' . . MRS. H. J. SKxriXLD. Ask your druggist for it. leortify to the above statement. FRED L. HKATH. Druggist, y Fer Pertnrbed Literary Spirits. The fact is, whether authors believe it or not, the editor is more anxious to dis­ cover merit in a manuscript than is the author to have him. Novelty and fresh­ ness are to-day the/ruing elements in liter itare, and the editor is ever watchful for either in all the manuscripts which come under his eye. If authors would devote more time and «are to the compo­ sition of their manuscripts, and less to worr • ing what became of them after they reached the editorial desk, literature ana the re uling public would be the gainers. No author need ever invest her soul with anxiety that her manuscript is not read. In these davs of sbarp literary, competi­ tion, the keenest outlook is required of the editorial room, and a good manu-, script or a bright idea need not search long for a market. Well-told stories are not so plentiful that even the most un­ promising looking manuscript can aiford to be overlooked. An author can always feel sure of one point--that, if her man­ uscript is returned, there is some reason for it, and the cause is generally not very far off or obscure, if search is only made for it. Either the production lacks merit, or the wrong channel has been selected for the material. These are generally the two principal reasons. There is a world of common sense in the remark made by a famous author to a young writer who was loudly complaining of editorial in- appreciation: "Don't waste so much time blaming the editors; devote more to. seeing if any rests upon you--Ladiets' flogie Journal. ' An Honorable Seireat. Young Meredith (to Mrs. Youngwife, tenderly)--Ah, my dear Mrs. Yoangwife --Ele inor--I conld not love thee, dear, so m»ch, loved I not honor more. Mrs. Youhgwife (starting op in alarms --I am sure that is my husband's step on the walk. Yonngi Meredith--Great Scott! what shsll I do? Mrs. Young wife---Jump from the back window as qatckly as pos-ible. Young Meredith (who has jumped from the window and found stfety among the barns and cow-sheds at the other end of the lot, with a long breath)-- Tuank heaven! It was a narrow esc ipe, but my honor is saved!--Evanyelist. THF.RE is more Catarrh in this section of the country than all other diseases put together, 4nd until the last few y<ar* was supposed to be incurable. For a gi'Cat many yeara Doctors pronounced it a local* disease, and prescribed local remedies, and by constantly failing to cure with local treatment, pronounced it incurable. Science has proven catarrh to bo a constitutional disease, and therefore requires constitutional treatiuenf. Hall s Catarrh Cure, manufactured by l'\ .f. Cheney A Co., Toledo, Ohio, it) ti e only constitutional cure on the market. It hi taken internally in dos»H from 10 drops to a ttaapoon- ful. It acts UirtoMy upon the blood and niucns surface of the By stein. They offer one hundred dollars for any case it fails to cure. Send for circulars and testimonials. Address K. J. CHENKY &CO., Toledo, O. Sold by Drug- 75c. Cattd ef • If the proprietor of K.«a>p*» Balsam should publish a card of thaalw. containing ex­ pressions of gratitude which come to hi» daily from those who have been cured eC severe throat and lung troubles by theuae of Kemp's Balsam, it would fill a fair-sized • book. How much better to invite all to call | on any druggist and get a free sample bottle • that you may test ior yourself its power, i Large bottlos 50e and $1.(W, SIB FREDERICK ABEL recently de­ livered a lecture on smokeless powder at the Royal Institution in London. He said that the smokeless powder now be- iug manufactured in Europe? was a gel­ atinous substance shaped into threads nnd strips nnd£r pressure. It is made bv dissolving gun cotton or some similar material with camphor or other solvent, and forcing the compound, when prop­ erly prep red, through perforated dies. Hibbard's Rlienmatic and Liver Pills. These Pills are scientifically compounded, uniform in nction. No griping pain so com­ monly following the use of pills. They are adapted to both adults and children with perfect safety. We guarantee they have no equal in the cure of Sick Headache. Con­ stipation. Dyt-pepsia. Biliousness; and. as an appetizer, they excel any other prepara­ tion. A PHILADELPHIA bon vivant has kept a tubful of terrapin alive in his cellar all winter, so as to have them handy*. • THE British Museum is so little in touch with the mnititode that popular illustrated lectures are to be given oa it* treasures in art and antiquity. A N = w YORK lady recently had on her dinner table ISO orehids that coat f 1.90 each. Low-Pricnl Landi. Attention ot t ie reader is eaftad to the alvartisemeut of "New Homes* in another '*• column of this pxper. Th« M. Paul. Mlnue- % apolis and J- an-tol>a Railro id Oorm> my .'•«* * h a v e o b t a i n e d 5 0 . ' K W a « r « s o f n e w i a n I s o f . * 1 an excellent qua'ity, whi-h that company - ' ^3, r* offering to set!ler>* at reasonable turias. *A; \ \ By addressing J. B"'»kwalt"r. Land Com- f\ missioner-. j-t. Ian!. Minn., homi go •ker-' 1 will receive valunble information iu rtala- 1 <• ** Hon to these landa. '^%\i •.* 1 1 A CORRESPONDENT wants to knew |f ' Muldoon was ever thrown in the Epsom Down*.--Texas Siftinga. ALL who use Dobbins* Electric Soap: praise it as the best, cheapest nnd mot-1 economical family soap nutde; but if vou' Will try it once it will teil a still stronger tale ot its merits xtxeif. Jf lease try it. THB more people become wrapped up in themselves the colder they grow.-- Boston Pout. No SAFER REMEDY can be bad for Coughs : -1 and Colds, or any trouole 'of the Throat. than lirotcn'x Bronchial IVochet. Price ets. Sold only in boiet. "LI VE and let live" is not the motto ot the live electric wire.--Binghamton Re- publican. Honor*, Ala. ' "j The personally conducted excursions to this rapidly growing city have been so sue-, 4' •j cessful that the Chicago and Esstern Illi- , A nois Railroad (Evansvitle Route) will IQQ 5 ~~ -- . J,ie Old, Old Story. , A Itttlo cotiph : a feeling ill; . A headae.be oft; a daily ehill; V. «, '/ A slower \\n!k ; a quickened breath; " ; A frequent talk of coining death. ' •' / No strength lo rise from .lav today; . From loving eyes he fa-.len away. ;r; Now lifts no more the wearv head. The struggle's o'er ; the man is dead, r < |i Such is the latal progress ot consumption. How often is repeated the old. old story. Vet not half so often as it was before tho knowledge came to maukind that there was adtscove.y in modieal science by which the dread dise&so could be arrei-ted'in its early* si aires and the patient restored to health. This wonderful remedy is Dr. Piece*'* UoUeu Medical Discovery. THOUSANDS of cures follow the use of Dr. Sage's Catarrh Remedy. 5J cents. one on each of the lollowiag dates: Fen. 4, 11,18, and "iS. For copy of "Alabama as It Is* and further information, send to William Hill, Gen. Pass. Agent, Chicago, I1L j i SMOU the best--"Tansill's Ponefe" C!|V. ' * A SENSATIONAL piece of news appears in a Mobile paper. It is said that some two years ago Mrs. Fanny Coleman, a Northern lady, went to John Moulton's honse, in Baldwin County, for tbe benefit of 1 er health. Mr. Moulton found that h i s l o u d e r h a d a l n r ^ e s u m o f m o n e y w i t h her and some valuable securities. With the assistance of a female neighbor he locked Mrs. Co'eman up and kept her a prisoner until a few days ano, when the authorities interfered. This is a bare out­ line of the supposed facts in the case. If there is any truth in the story it beats the average dime novel. BRONCHITIS i« cured by frequent small doaea-Ml I'too'a Cure lor Coasumption. March April May 1 y' * 1 Are the best month* in which to pnrify your blood, «« for at no other MIOO does the system so much need the aid of a reliabta medicine like Hood's* Sarsaparilla as now. During the long, cold winter, the blood becomes thin and impure, the body be­ comes weak and tired, the appetite may be lost. Hood's Sarsaparilla is peculiarly adapted to purity •nd enrich the b'.ood, to create a good appetite and to overcome that tired feellsg. It has a larger sale than any other sarsaparilla or blood pnrlfer, and it i>icmu«iti in popuUr.t/ every year, for,if 1r>'th» Ideal . . ; - * Spring Medicine "Early last spring I was very much run down, had nervous headache, felt miserable and all that. 1 was very mueh benefited by Hood's Har-tapariila and recommend it to my friends." Mas. J. M. TAVIOR, it ill Kir lid Avenue, Cleveland, O. "Hood's Pttrsaparilla has cured me of aalt rheum, w hich I have had ton yearn. I do think it la a splen­ did medicine. I am year* ot .sue and my skin Is just as smooth and fair as a piece ot glass. I have six children, and when anything in the trouble with tlieui the Hr<«t thins I so for is Hood's BarttapariUa." MIM.LIIXA CLARK, South Norwatk, Coun. Hood's Sarsaprilla is prepared from Sarsaparillr. - Dandelion. Mandrake. Dcck, Juniper Berries. anC - other well known vegetable remedies, in such a peculiar manner as t I derive the full medicinal : value of each. It will cure, when in the power ot ; medicine, scrofuK. salt rhenm, sores, boils, pim­ ples, all humors, dyspepsia, biliou-ness Rick head­ ache, indigestiou, general debility, catarrh, rheu­ matism, kidney and Uver complaints. It ove-comet ' that extreme tired feeling caused by change of cli. mate. Reason, or life, and imparta lift; aadatn&Mtt to the whole 6»t-IU. Blood Poison •Tor years at irregular intervals in all season*, t suffered tlie intolerable burning and itching of blood poisoning by ivy. It would break out on my legs, is my throat and eyes. Lad spring 1 t»t Hood's Sar- saparilla, an a blood purifier, with no thought etn­ as a special remedy for ivy poisoning, but it bar' effected a permane it and thorough cure." CALVI* T. SHfTK. WenU-orf h, N. H. "I had boils all over my neck and back, troubling me so much that I could not turn my head around •- nor stoop over. Hood'sSirsaparillactnsedmeintwp Wntka. I think it. Is Mia hut hlrwui nnriiiw ** Bmit READ, Kansas City, Mo. Hood's Sarsaparilla • ' Sold by all druggists, ft: six for $3. Prepared only by C. 1. HOOD A; CO- Apothecaries, l-owell. Mas*, j IOO Doses One Dollar li"V|<llli) >iiiii«>l| i I I Sold by all druggists. $1: six for 9&. Prepared oal* t*C.l.HOOD * CO_ Apothecaries. Lowell. Mass. (OO Doses One Dollar & i m % i Copyright, H OMESTUDY.&^r hand, etc.. thoroucrhly taught free. UKYANT'B BUSINESSCOLLEC .MKNTION THIS PAHKR «N> »« t^ena ymirown and a All Book Aiamia . - a id we wnl henSSou i » r v o i i n s o r 7.1-; Mil. Kit & CO., 1 IS Adams 8». i :u"> ll;. ,»«KSTS W AXWII. I ASTHMASMSEEfltKl I All to .uOrfrt. Dr. B. BCHIFFMAS, St. fa^Mlaa. | r~i EN S I O W«KagK!*& 3 yrs iu last war, IS adjudicating claims, MttgrsfeMSk- NEW HOWS! fioo.ooo Acres of New- Agricultural Lanife of •*- eelleut quality, just ot>t ined oy the HLhial, Ifta-' n*H|i»iis iuul Manitoba Ballwar, now toraate OU eany terms to tettier-i. Write to , ^ „ J. BtlOKWAtTER, Lan&CommiBsiener, 8T. PAUI„ SIMS. Kelief in r*H Kunnsa. Paraab. Sworaa, M. 1>. Mta- towa. Pa., write*; "I havehad Aathmafor Styeara; foaadao raUef «mtU i.tS3SW Sp^ •p. w.rtieb relwrrd n»» tmmo- altogether successful. In the South paid thrice over for all his gooitls, [Kensington Museum in" London th< lien lie lefteth his policy lapse <}ne "Writer has 6een several evidences oj Ely's Cream Bairn WILL CUKE C a t a r r h |pr^M^CeiiuJ --yunt fO*» FEWER®/!' Apply Balm ioto eaoa ooctril BUT BRO&a 5$ Warren V* IT* day, aud that same night fire destroyed his store. He buildeth him a hous$ in Jersey, and liis first born is devoured by mosquitoes; ne pitchetlr his tents in 2?ew York, and tramps devour his stib- staqce. He moveth to Kansas, and a cyclone carryeth his house away over to Missouri, while a prairie fire arid 10,- these attempts, as well as shells whicli came from China containing small im­ ages of Buddha. It i* said that these were originally molded in tin-foil and then placed between the shell and th« mantlo of the oyster. "The shells wer* then returned to their Datural beds, and after a time a layer of mother-of- 000,000 acres of grass-hoppers fight for^pearl coated tbese figures and attached his crop. He settleth himself in Ken-j them to the shell. In some iastaucei tucky, and is shot the next day lyp*a ; they are cut out and sold, and it is said gentleman, a colonel and a state^prfan, because, sah, he resemb'es, $ah, a man, sah, lie did not like, sah."J|§ferily, the Chinese priests claimed tbem to 1* evidences of their miraele-workin ̂ powers.--Denver New*. IT© Actors Feel Emotions on the Stage! For tbe effective simulation of grief, I much prefer sobs to tears. An audi­ ence can hear you sob, but it cannot al­ ways see you weep. I am occasionally carried away through the force of my imagination so that I am in keenest sympathy with the suffering Of the character portrayed, but as a general thing I am entirely mistress of myself. I emphatically deny the possibility of an actress actually experiencing the real emotions of the character por­ trayed. My judgment rebels against so rash a theory. In the fourth act of "La Tosca," for instance, I murder a man. Is it to be supposed for an in­ stant that I have the emotions of a murdSress? How can I? I never mur­ dered anyone. Yet I know it is per­ fectly possible, through the devices of stage art, to set clearly before an an- dienee a picture of the mingled re­ morse and terror which Overtake the woman who has done the deed. I do not mean io advocate mechanical act­ ing, but rather th§t the lactress should command her emotions, and not let them command her, else some absurd and embarrassing resnlts might follow. There are parts of "La Tosca" wher*v I ara so wrought upon by the dramatic situation that my hands shake, a'i/i I grow cold and rigid, but this is simply a reflex influence exerted by the scenes through which I am passing, wid it is rather physical than mental. I have come off the stage from this act numb and exhausted,'but not at ill depressed inspirits. If I had ever actually felt the emotions of that act I should not have been able to finish the play.-- Fanny Davenport in, The Washington Post. . -• °, .- v SOLOMON I%AACS--You v&tint°t6 fiftrijr one of my daughters? Veil, de youngest gets $10,000, de second youngest, $15,- 000, and de oldest gets £20,000. Ikey Silvers tone--Haven't got somedings rat" v«s very valuable--apont $50,009 ol$?' "TAKEN IN" " I used often to read the newspaper aloud to my wife," said Bert Robinson, " and once I was fairly ' taken in' by a patent medicine advertisement. Tho seductive paragraph began with a modest account of the sea- serpent, but ended bv setting forth the vir­ tues of Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discov­ ery, which, it was alleged, was a sure cure for all Bronchial, Throat and Lung troubles, and would even cure Consumption, if taken in time. The way I was token in was this: I had lung disease, and I bought a bottle of the remedy; I was a stranger to it, and it took me in--and cured me." Robinson's experience is identical with that of thou, sands of others. 8o true is this, that after witnessing, for many years, the marvelous cures of Bronchial. Throat and Lung affec­ tions wrought by this wonderful remedy, its manufacturers feel warranted in selling it «s they are doing, through druggists, under a positive guarantee that, if taken in time and given a fair trial, it will relieve or cure in every case, or money paid for it will be refunded. No other remedy for such mala- l|lies is sold under snch trying conditions; no wdinary remedy Conld sustain itself under such a plan of sale. For all chronic or lingering Coughs, "Weak Tilings, Knitting of Blood, Bronchitis, Short­ ness of Breath, Asthma, and kindred ail­ ments, it is a most potent remedy. While it cures these diseases it also cleanses tho blood, invigorates the liver, improves digestion, and builds up both flesh aud strength. Contains no alcohol to inebriate, no sugar or syrup to sour or ferment in the stomach ana inter- fere with diwstion. It is a concentrated, fluid, vegetal extract Dose small an<|K pleasant to taste. It stands alone in the fields of medicine, and is as peculiar in its won-,- derful curative effects as in its composition.^ Therefore, don't be fooled into taking some-?*' thinj* recommended as "just as good." Bear1; in mind, it's the only Liver, Blood and Lunss^ Remedy possessed of such transcendent!* curative properties as to warrant its manu-n^ facturers in selling it under a printed cer- 1 tificate of guarantee, which wraps every* ' bottle. WORLD'S DISPENSARY MEDICAL. ; ASSOCIATION, Proprietors, 663 Main Street, Buffalo, N, T. ii SICK HEADACHE. Bilious Hcadache, Dizziness, Constipation, Indiges­ tion, Bilious Attacks, and all derangements of the stomach and bowels, are promptly sfiieved and permanently cured by the use of DR. PIERCE'S PELLETS. They are Purely Vegetable and Perfectly Harmlew. As a lilVUH. T'TT.T. I'nequalcd! 8MALLBST, OKBAPSST, EASIEST TO TAKB. dUttely." Sold hy nit Drue- (hM. »i per boa, by BullTpMt TRIAL PACKAGE FREE. iMnw,l.roPBAH, para. GRATEFUL-COMPORTING. EPPS'S COCOA ̂ BREAKFAST. * "By »thon>«Kh knowledge of the r.atnrnlliw* ."'a wWchKqvern the operations of ilitrcstiou and uutri- «r*K- which may sav« us many ht>av"y dot-tors'Hlix. It IK Hy the i««l ioious use of such articios of diet that • ccnxtitution may !«• titp.<l\i iiiy lnttit umntilstrr-ns enough to resiiBt vwry tendency to disease. Hun or*af» of Btibtle maladies are floating around hp ivady to attack whoever tli»-r- » u we k point. \\» ir.r.v wospemany a fatal ̂ haft by keeping our elves well fortified with pure blood and a properly nourished OMUte."--Cii if S- rrn-f Gasflte. Msile simply witn boiling water or milk. RoU MttT in half i-onnd tins, by (trivera, labell^! thiut: MUCH EPFS1 & ( I)., HOUNTTH<I-athic London. Eiudiuid. I f : * ONE PELLET A DOSE ! PIHO'S KEMEOV* FOK ('ATAKICXX.--best, i^u-si U» u>c. It is an Ointment, of which a siaiill particle is applied to the nostrils. Price, 50o. Sold hy tlrujrirists or sent l>v nmil Address, E. T. IU'/KI INK. Warren, ra. MOTHERS' FRIENO MAKESGHILD BIRTH EASY MENTION THIS VAti.i. . •Inblt. The ouiy ivrtala iiud easy cure. 1'r. J. %>t«Dhens. LWianon. oliio. >*AiKK .HKn Mutiii* TO irfltrmw. WnntMl to l ean; 'I'eieKraHiT. situations furuinlied. (.'m-uiuru i^ENitXK ItKOS.. Wis. W. L. DOUGLAS $3 SHOE CENTLEM £M, BEST IN THE WORLD. OTEEB SPECIALTIES fo: QEBTLtMOl, LADIES, MISSES and B0T& None genuine unless name and priceai# stamped on btHiom. SoUl everywh-re. •A'St-nd address on post:U for vol liable iaformatien. W. L. hontlaa, Bnckton. MMISI I prwvUb* MMI fnlly *•» Bi« 6 a» tbe- specific lurtbevertaiuctiM' , -. : disease. G. H. K A H AM. M, A wsterJftin, N. Tt. Wo have swid W* O tsr Bmnv >e«rs. and it kM siven the best of Ml'Uk- f action. li.B.DYCHK*CtX. HI $1.90. IF^USCO BKFORB CONFINEMENT. SOOK TO "MOTHERS" MAiLcncFBB*. mUBNEfcO RGft IATIIR C«„ ATLAXTi, (LA. UOLU BY ALh DBCeQUTS. A U IM1 a'CAN BliCUKDD. • n IVIH A li-iai bv.tt.f MJ-.l t-ree to •*Vo n e aStieiMI. i«. TAKi nnu.. lt<K-be.tcr, S. V. Cur** Mf doaiy bf t •> 't mmm VITHKN WHITiXO TU A(>YKKTlS£Hft, I uii-asf MMT jfum miw ll» In Mum ~ Y * %Cf •( wi .

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