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w • v , - . « . ' ..'4# »ww»P -• "IfAipu I Blfcbard's Rherautlc Syrup. There Is certainly something remarba*^* fa this preparation, as it Is meeting with a s4 «VccesK never attained by any other medU- |r \ «ine. It never i ails if used as directed. For over twenty years I have been a (treat • *" aofferer from the effects of a diseased ] 1 , .stomach, and for three years past have been -unable to do business. Two years ago my ' ' } ease ww> pronounced incurable. I visited different w ater cures and climates. . -all to no purpose. Last June I began tak- 5,\ . Snsr Hibbiird'H Rheumatic Syrup (prepared ifc"?Kby Itheumat.c Syrup Co.. Juckson, Mich.). If, -and at once began to feel better. I have ff . used thirteen bdttles and nm a well man. v - F.DW»itr> BAKEB. 2,:r»./.'Master Mechanic and Blacksmith, 202 „ ; " Jaekson street. Jackson. Mich. Trivial Causes for Divert*, ft The present fatal facility of divorce is undoubtedly menacing the home, disin­ tegrating the family, and endangering the welfare of society, says Mary A. LiT- ermore, in the North American Review. For divorce is granted to-day for the most 'trivial causes; it can be obtained by col- jt luftion, fraud, and with absolute secrecy, M non-residents receiving no notice of the snit brought against tbem in nnother J State, and f ometimes finding themselves 'divorced before they bad even suspected * ifthat such a measure was in contemplation. The causes justifying the State in de­ creeing the smideiing of the marriage tie ^should be reduced to & minimum; there .should be an entire absence of the pres- ? j «nt indecent haste in granting divorces, bnt, instead, the most deliberation; every divorce ease should be made public; and my own predilection is in favor of grant- , ing "total divorce" only by the verdict of - a jury trial. If these precautions were % observed, they would immediately dimin- ish the frifjhifol number of divorces. Whenever it shall be established that the " ; divorce is prima facie evidence of the guilt of one of the Wedded parties, and , the utmost publicity is given to the pro­ ceedings, that ^ may judge for it- JS /«elF, the integrity of the family will be maintained, and not injured, by divorce. 81iaic«ii Oat of Gear. By malarial diaease, the human machinery can­ not half perform its office. Digestion, secre­ tion, evacuation are disordered, the blood be­ comes watery,, the nerves feeble, the counte­ nance ghastly, sleep disturbed, and appetite capricious. Terribla is this diaease, fell its con­ sequences. There is, however, a known anti- \ dote to the miasmatic poison, and a certain ' safeguard against it. • In malarious regions of onr South and West, in South America, Guate­ mala and on the Isthmus of Panama, as well as ' In transmarine countries where the scourge ex- i JatB, this inimitable preventive and remedy, Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, has, during the last i thirty-five years, been constantly widening tha ; area of its usefulness, and demonstrating its sovereign value. Liver complaint, dyspepsia, constlx'ntion. kidney trouble, rheumatism, and > debility are all remedied by iu HIGHLY AUISEJ. Too Wg a Foal to it« E*.t LMM ata fclM Community. The injustice of the magistrate's court is one of the stumbling blocks in the path leading to a higher and more intellectual form t>f human liberty. The justice of the peace is not willing sleep. He is like the careless engine^* who, while driving at the highest speed, fails to supply the needed * wood and water. He caunct help being a dys­ peptic. i. Another cause, which generally acta with all* the others, i» a lack Of active, exhilarating ont-door exercise , ^ | and jroareatiou. Such exercise and rec- enough to accept the statements made I realion are absolutely essential. We by innocent culoiedgentleman who, un-j only add that it is vastly easier to pre- „. -- "" vent dyspepsia than to cure it.--Youth's fortunately, are arraigned before his court. The other day Brocky Alf, whom we all know to lie honest and eminently respectable, was clutched by the pitiless hand of legalized kidnap and wu» taken before Justice Graley. "Brocky Alf," said the magistrate, "the warrant which was sworn out for your arrest says that you stole a Cilf." Alf laughed. "Dis do beat anything I neber seed in my life,"» said he. "Neber seed de like, er haw, haw. Ef Companion. AH Audience of OtMy Once, during a long vacation, T. W. Robertson aud H. J. Byron were in London together, and mournfully won­ dering what was to happen next. There was a room in the Gallery of Illustra­ tion "to let." Now Byron and Robert­ son had written and played an enter­ tainment with "varying success" (alwavs varying.) It was so constructed that er pusson had er tole ine dat white than | while Byron .was on the stage in the wnz er foolin me, I wouldn t er b lebed i first part, Robertson was money-taker, Size a Great Thine:. A fat fellow came tumbling out of a restaurant, and, immediately following, there came a muscu'ar man, who gave the fat fellow a kick th;»t landed him sprawi- * " ' ing ou the outer edge of the sidewalk. The fnt fellow scrambled to his feet, and, brushing himself, remarked: "I'll tell you what it is, size is a great thing. If I didn't happen to be as big as I am that fellow would have kicked me into the street."--Arkartsaw Traveler. m:n-: V Seal Skin Sicques, $1.00 Each! This is a great oiler. Just imauine the army of ladles mat wiii i/Obiege iiie t-Jorw until the last sacque Is gone--il the iiarg.iiti is ever offered, iiut how much more won­ derful an opportunity is that presented to every suffering woman by the proprietors of Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription. This remedy is a guaranteed cure for all those distressing ailments peculiar to the weaker sex. It is guaranteed that if it does not effect a cure money will be refunded. It is carefully compounded by an eX|HMieneod and skillful physician, and adapted to woman's delicate organization. It is purely vegetable in its composition and | erfoctly harmless in its effects in any condition of the system, and is sold under a pottitie« iiuarantee of satisfaction in every case, or money paid for it refunded. FOE Constipation of Sick Headache, use Dr. Pierce's i diets; Purely Vegetable. One a dose. OLIVER OUTCAIIT, an old roldier re­ siding at Cincinnati, had what he consid­ ered a great stroke of luck last week. Though some mistnke Oliver was sub­ poenaed as a witness in the ballot-box investigation, it being intended to snm- mon Judge Miller Outcalt instead. The result has been thnt Oliver has been spending a nice vacation in the city of beautiful distances, the Government pay­ ing his expenses there. Interested People. Advertising a patent mediplne in the peculiar way in which the proprietor of Kemp's Balsam for Coughs ana Colds does. It is indeed wonderful. Ho authorizes all druggists to give those who call for it a sample bottle Free, that they may try it be- lore purchasing. The Large Bottles are BOc and $1. We certainly would advise a trial. It may save you from consumption. THE whole cost of the nrreit Forth bridge is estimated at $10,000,000. It has been calculated that the chief struts of the bridge wonld stand a thrust of more than forty-eight thousand tons before •bowing signs of giving away. "PENNY wise and pound foolish" are those who think, it economy to use cheap suda atnd tosiu soaps. instead of the good old Dobblus' Electric Soap; tor sale by all gro­ cers. 'iry it. lie sure, buy genuine. AUNT MAKY FXJAREI I Y, of Jonesboro, He., aged 111, has solved the servant girl problem. She refuses to have help and does her own work. THE peanut, shelled, has been intro­ duced at dinner parties instead of roasted almonds. > CUBES PERMANENTLY F R O S T - B I T E S . • XVoct-Bitten Sore Feet. Stockton, C*l, April, 1889. After rubblnsr liis feet with St. Jacobs Oil, in the evening before going to bed, vay son was cored of chilblains. ™ Mr*. LEONE GLASEB. AT DnrGGisrs ANT> IMUUIK ! CHMIES A. VORFI P" CO.. BaWmam. «. tnat | CHRONIC COUGH Nowsj For it you <1o not it may become con- ) •UmptilO. F">r GltlHHHiptlOH, SorofMl*, j Ckueml Itritilltff ami ll'iufiutf i Uiero is nuitiiutf like ) SCOTT'S Of Pure Cod Liver Oil and HYPOPHOSPHITES or And 0<xlib It Is almost M Iialatnblft as milk. Far oilier so-culled Emulslutia. Scott's Emulsion are poor lmi'.u.tlons. i.,nmiiii.,.!ii,'.gJg|i!!JlOi him, er haw, liaw. "What's the matter?" demanded the justice. "Are you crazy ?" "Nor, sah, but I's mighty nigh tickled into the grabe. One foot on de aige now, er haw, haw, haw. It am sich er good joke dat Ts willin' ter furgib de white pusson, but he got me, oh, yas, he got me, er haw, haw. Heah de way it wuz, judge: I wuz comin' laung de road, an' seed & powerful fine calf ober in de lot. Alius wuz er great 'mirer o' fine cattle, so I stopped an' looked ober de fence. Den dat white man come up an', er haw, haw. Oh, jedge, I's so tickled dat I kain't tell de joke." "Mr. Constable," said the justice, "I reckon you'd better take him to jail and letrliim stay there until his fit of laugh­ ing wears away." "Hole on, jedge; jes' wait er minit," interposed the prisoner. "I'll try, sail, ter quiet myse'f, tell I ken gin yer de facks in dis mighty 'srodinarv case. Wall, I wuz lookin' at de line calf er 'inirin' o' bis shape when dat white man come er laung, er haw, haw! I won't no mo', jedge, ef I ken be'p it, but when all de eberdence is dun in I bet yesse'f kain't he'p frum open' yer fine lookin' mouf. 'Whnt yer doin'?' says de white man. 'Oh,' I's, jea' cr lookin' at di-* beaut'ful bend <>' cattle.' 'Whut will yer gin me fur liim?' says he. 'Bless yer soul,I would buy him in er minit,but I ain't got de assets au' liabilities,' s'[. 'Ain't yer name Brocky Alf?' he axed. 'Dat"a whut it is', I 'plied. " 'YesseT* been doin' some mighty good work fur do Djimoerat party, aiu't yer?" "'Yas, sah, dat I lia>.' " 'Ah,' de white man 'plied, 'dat's whut I've lieam, so now I wants yer ter . take dis calf ez er preser.t frum me.' --. "Wall, jedge, I hopped ober dat fence an' tuclc dat calf too quick, but law bless yer, I liadn't (mo' den got it home 'fore dar wnz er man wid er harrassin' piece o' paper wliut he got outen er judge's office. Now, sah, on de part o' dat white man de whole thing wuz er monstrous fine joke, an* I lias been er and during Robertson's performance, and prior to their appearance in a duo­ logue, which wound up the bill of fare. Byr#n took his place in the pay-box, a proceeding he stated "to be wholly un­ necessary, for reasons quite obvious." Robertson's idea wu to take this room and establish their entertainment as a permanent thing. Byron gave his as­ sent with a sickly smile of doubt, and after much worry and trouble, an ar­ rangement. was made that they could hire the room, a kind friend paying the first week's rent in advance, and help­ ing with the printing and with all the expenses incurred--when the eventful opening night arrived "they hadn't a farthing in the world." The perform­ ance was advertised to commence at 8 o'clock, an announcement received with much apathy on the part of the public, for at ten minutes to the time adver­ tised not a soul had been seen. At last a gentleman tendered a sov­ ereign for a front seat. "Are there any seat* *left?" inquired the patron. "Oh, yes," replied Robertson, "both right and left I will bring you the change in a minute, sir." The gentleman entered, stared around, and sat down. The hall was empty! Byron had been peeping through the curtains, anxious and nerv­ ous, aud when he saw the apparition iu the stalls he sent for Robertson, who had changed th& sovereign, returned eighteen shillings (less the price of the seat,) and brought Byron some stout to nerve him for his task. Bvron--Where aro the critic^? . R ibertson--Oh, they're always ,late. Byron (dubiously)--OU! • Robertson--Better commence and get it over. Byron--Tom, I think thij is going to by a failure. Robertson retired to the pay-box. The pianist having finished the over* ture, the curtain rang up. Bvron entered, dressed in • the evening dress which he had to share with Robertson, and began to explain "The Origin of G1BLS IS A TUG OF WAIL It V«a All About a Cushion, and W*» On« of the Liveliest Ever Srea. In order to keep pace with the pro- gressive spirit of the times the two higher classes of the Women's Medical College, Twenty-first street and North College avenue, on Thursday indulged in a regular college fight. The dispute arose over the ownership of a beautiful green cushion which a dignified senior captured from a less dignified junior, and intended to use for her own special comfort At 3 o'clock on the eventful day this young lady entered the lecture room carrying the cushion on her shoulder. Arriving at her place she threw it upon the bench, and sitting on it, said to her companion: "Oh,.my, but that is com fortable." A few minutes later the members of the junior e.ass assembled in their department, and the possessm of the cushion missed her comfortable seat and informed her classmates, who, with one voice said: " We'll have Jfchat cushion." The owner of the * cwhion, SolLowed by her comrade^, walked up to the senior, who by this time was enjoying the soft seat, *nnd demanded her pro pertv. On receiving a negative answer to her request the plucky junior grabbed hold of the cushion and pulled it from under the senior. In au instant there was a regular tug of war. The mem bers of each class came to the assistance of their comrades. Each division held onto the cushion, pulling and wrestling, and finally both came to blows. The room was one animated mob of young and comely women struggling for supremacy and the possession of the coveted trophy. When the janitor entered, whether intentionally or not, he engaged in the strife, aud soon be­ came thoroughly mixed np in Ihe fight. It was hard to tell which faction was the strongest. The wildest excitement pre­ vailed, when the professor, accompanied by some gentlemen, entered the lecture room. The professor shouted for order, but without avail. He then took a hand in the fight and captured the cushion, which he bore off in triumph to his desk. As soon as he eoald make himself heard the lecturer administered a short reproof to the angry maidens and finally succeeded in restoring peace. Tired and tattered, the young ladies then pro­ ceeded to their usual places, leaving on the floor several locks of hair and other evidences of the battle. When quiet had been completely re­ stored the owner of the much coveted cushion quietly stepped down to the desk of the professor aud returned to her place with the prize which she, not figuratively, but literally, sat upon.~ Philadelphia Time.--. waitin' some time fur him ter come an' j Man," looking fixedly at the wrotched git me outen dis fix^but liedoau 'peer to ; individual in the front seat. ' : V:-- . be comin' bery fas'. Do yon know the man's name?" the justice asked. "Nor, sah, I neber seed him befo'." "You knoWUapt. Henderson, don't yon?" "Oh, yas, sah, mighty well."! "Well, didn't you know that Capt. Henderson owned the let where jrou found the calf?" ' "Yas, sah, b'lebe I did." "Then wliy did you think that the calf was the ) roperty of the man who came along and *aid that you might have it?" * "Huh?" "You heard what I Paid." "Yas, sah, suthin' 'bout er calf, yas, sah--erbout er line calf." "What made you take the calf, even though some one told you' that you could have it. knowing as you did that it was Cant. Henderson's lot ?" "Who, me?" "Yes, yon." "Look heah, jedge, let ns wabe dis calf erside an' look fur er while at de work what I'se been doin' for de Dimo- crat party." "Have you worked very hard tar the D e m o c r a t i c p a r t y ? ® -- ^ "Powerful, sah." " Well," continued the judge, "I am a Republican--" \ "Oh, Lawd!" groanel the negro. "Oh, Lawd, come on heah, constable, an' take me ter jail. I'se too big er fool ter be let loose on de enrmunity." --Ark&nsaw Traveler. How to Prevent Dyspepsia. We do not suppose that any thor­ oughly well man ever raided this ques­ tion in his own behalf. To "such a one digestion is a process of which he is never conscious. The stomach digests just as the heart beats, or the lungs heave, It is a powerful organ, and will stand a great amount of abuse. But if a mother should ask the ques­ tion in the interest of her children, we should reply in general terms, that the prevention of dyspepsia lay in the avoid­ ance of its causes. These are many. We can indicate only some of the more common of thein. 11 The most common is, perhatm, over-eating. A physician lately said: "Most persons eat four-limes as much as they should." The proportion seems very large, but an emiuent British physician of a former generation said almost the same thing, --that one-fourth of what We eat goes to sustain life, while three-fourths go to imperil it. Another physician wittily remarked that most peopledig their own graves with their teeth. The foundation of the habit of over­ eating is apt to be laid in childhood and youth, since the stomach then seems able to bear almost auything. There wonld be little danger of eating too much, if the food were always plain and simple; in that case the natural appetite would be a safe and sufficient guide. The trouble is that the natural appetite is too often spoiled by cakes, pies, con­ diments and highly seasoned food. 2. Another source of dyspepsia is emotional waste of nervous force. The nerve force is to the physical system what steam is to the machine. In the normal condition of things, it is renewed as fast as it is used. But nature makes no provision for the im­ mense amount expended by excessive care, by fuss and worry, by "hurry and drive, by explosions of passion and by the undue excitements of pleasure. All these sire like a great leakage of steam. The stomach is the first and largest sharer in the loss. 3. Another source is overwork of the brain. Brainwork is specially exhaust­ ive of nerve-lorce, and the exhaustion is greatly increased by the fact that high intellectual activity gathers to itself a most delightful momentum, making a few hours of high-pressure work more productive than days of plodding. Moreover, a brain-worker generally icts physical exercise and curtails ...A: In the begiuning there was only one man," here Byron paused. "Yes," eaid the 'front seat,' "and I'm the d----d fool," and hurrying ont to Robertson, demanded, his money back, saying he had come to see " The Chi­ nese." Robertson assured the infuriated one that Byron was a Chinaman, but to no purpose, and finally had to return one shilling and eightpence, having spent fourpence of the two shillings in stout for Byron, remarking that "they only charged fourpence on s.uch occasions."-- 'iiemoir of T. W. Robertson. . j. He Wanted an Equal Showing. "The best story I've heard lately is one on anew mau that had ouly served a few weeks," remarked one of the ser­ geants. "He was noted for his speed in run­ ning, and was a muscular cuss, so that he delighted the superior officers when on parade. "One night a colored man broke into a house on his beat, and the alarm was raised. He ran toward the scene and arrived soon enough to see the robber. Instead of shooting at him he blew his gong and set out after the fleeing col­ ored man on a dead run. , "They had it for several hundred yards, and he began to gain on the col­ ored man, who was slackening his speed. Suddenly the man on the next beat, who hod run to his assistance, and who WOK following as fast as he oould, saw his comradc sit down. Run­ ning to where he was he exclaimed: " 'What's the matter? Are you hurt?'" " 'No--hugh---hugli--Fve just--hugh --hugh--stopped to--hiigh -- hugh -- pull off my shoes'" he answered, gasp­ ing for breath, as he jerked his shoes off. "'Why, wliaton earth do you want your shoes off for?'" " 'Why--htigh--hugh- -yon see the fellow--hugh--hugh--might turn on me, and I don't want litm--hugh--hugh to have no advantage. He's--hugh-- barefooted.'" A' Trifle Inexact. "Oil, no, I guess not," said a man emphatically, as he seated himself com­ fortably in a University avenue car. "I don't beleive I'll follow all the instruc­ tions of the streat railway company by a jug full." "What's the matter now inquired a companion who had entered with him, and was engaged in tobogganing a con- pie of nickels into a fare box. "Why, sir, if a man followed the or­ ders of this company he would never enter one of its cars. Onoe in, para­ doxically, he wotxld never leave it." " How so ?" "Just read that sign; it says, 'Passen­ gers are forbidden to enter or leave this car while iu motion." Now, how in the name of Lindlev Murray can a passenger do otherwise than get a move on him­ self, get in motion while leaving or en­ tering a street-car? The sign is one of the grossest illustrations of barbarous syntax I have seen in many a mile trav­ eled: The pronoun 'it' is wanting. It should read: 'Passengers are forbidden to enter or leave this car while it is in motion.' 'It' and 'is' are two short words, and it would cost but little to paint them in. As it is the sign is beastly grammar."--St Paul Pioneer Press. The Very Polite Child. "How do you do, Jacob?" said a lady to a lad in tliis city the other day. "I'm well, I thank you," said the bov.' "How do all your folks do?" asked the ladv. "They're all well. I thank you, except dad," replied the boy. " What's the matter with your father V asked the lady. "He's dead, thank you," replied the boy; "how do you do and all your family?" A TWeT Canght with a Threal. » It is horn within °ome human beings to Ateal. They do not all steal at tides of great Value, but little things, which, though costing but a trifle, c inse annoy­ ance. A person of this sort has been stealing a paper that was left each morn­ ing at the office door of a professional- entleman in Bangor, the pilferer, who ad rooms in the sitme building, but up another flight, taking it before he put in an appear tnce. .It would be missed about twice a week, and for a time the paper boy was blamed, but 1 iter the thief volunteered the information that the of­ fice boy b. another professional mm In the same building t iok the papers and sold them. In order to find out the loser gave a week to the business of investi­ gation. making it a point to reach his of­ fice nbont half an hour ahead of the de­ livery. Quietly enteriua: he mada a ba'.t of an old paper, fold ng it after the man­ ner of the newsboy, punched a hole through, run in niul made fast the end bt a spool of thread, and 1 y in wait. When his paper was dropped at his door he qntetly took it in, substituting the ba t, leading the thread under the door. ThS third morning the spool began to unwind, and, opening the door, ha saw the over­ head party leading the threal upstairs. The latter heard the noise, stopped, turned round, while the professional gen­ tleman b?gan to haul iu the thread. When all the slack had been taken uo a gentle tug announced the connection; the paper was dropped, pulled down-stains, aud--the parties hare not spoken, since. --Leteititon Journal. . i , • H*» never been more prevalent or more prostrating than now. The winter baa been mild and unbealth- fnl. influenza epidemic and fevers have visited nearly all our homes, leaving about everybody in a weak, tired-out, languid oondiUon. The usefulness of Hood's S.irvapariUa is thus made greater than ever, for it is absolutely uneQua'ed as a building-up, tttvntfthenin* medicine. Try it and you will rpaiise its le. Ui-erative power*. Hood's Sarsaparllla "Hood's S&rttapariUa has renewed my grip. I am 65 years of *ge and was all run • own and discour­ aged. I have taken Hood's Hareaparilla and on looking myself over find that I am much better, in fact quite a chap. Of course the medicine will not discount my yeari. but it comes nearer to it than anything tlae." ' CHAIUSS I. LOM, awirtttq, Maaa. . ~ . ; The Ladies Delighted. The pleasant effect and the perfect safety with which ladles mav use the liquid frutt laxative, Sytupof Figs, under all conditions make it their favorite remedy. It is pleas­ ing to the eve ana to the taste, gentle, yet effectual in acting on the kidneys, liver and bowels. Got What She Called For. Mrs. Desptre--I thihk you are the worst husband that ever lived. Mr. Despare--Well, I think you onght to be satisfied with me. "Why so?" "Because yon used to tell me Uwt you wanted me awful bad." $100 Reward--$100. 4!m readers of this paper will be pleased to learn that there is at least one dreaded disease that aclenoe has been able to cure iu all its stages, and that is Catarrh. Hall's Catarrh Cure is the only positive cure now known to the medical fraternity. Catarrh being a constitu­ tional disease, requires a constitutional treat­ ment. Hall'n Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting direct ly upon the blood and imicua sur­ faces of the" svstoiu. thereby destroying tha foundation of the disease, and giving the palient strength by building up the constitution and assisting nature in dtiiug its work. The propri­ etors have so much faith in its curative powers that tliey offer One Hundred Dollars for case that it fails to cure, bend for list mon'ais. Address F. J. CHENF-Y & CO., Toledo, O. jtt-Sold by Druggists, 7ac. Feeling "Laht spring 1 was completely fagged out. My strength left me and I felt sick and miserable all the time, so that I could hardly attend to my business. Itook one bottle of Hood's Barsaparilla and itemed me. There is notliinic like it." It. 0. BEGOLC, Editor Knterprise. Belleville, Mich. Hood's Sarsaparllla void by all druggist*, ft; six for $5; Prepaffedooly by €. I. HOGl) & CO„ Lowell, Mass. . IOO Doses One"Dollar' The marked t*neBt which people in rnn Aarrim weakened state of health derive from Hood'n Sara* pari 11 a conclusively proves the claim that medicine "makes the weak strong." It does not aet like a stimulant, impartlna fictitious strength trMB which there must follow a reaction of greater weak- ness than before, but poasesdiac just thints mcuts which tha system needs and readily seizes. Hood's Sarsaparllla Builds up in a perfectly Datura! way, all the ened part J. act* upon the Mood as a pnritier s|hi vittlizer, and assists to healthy action Uun^ioo# taut orsans. the kidnevs and liver. ^ "My daughter received much benefit from the m of Hood's Sareaiiarilla as an excellent toaie aflor n protracted attack of bronchial pneumonia.** iUt!¥ F. H. tBiiHi Sc* Hartford, Conn. That Feeling ^ Ely's Cream Balm WILL CURE CATARRH r I'rico 50 Cents. j Apply Balm into each nostril. ELY BUGS.. 56 Warren St., X. Y. PXTARtfS iff FEVER "Itake Heed's Sarsaparilla, aad 2ad it the best medicine for the blood I ever tried. Large quaati-* ties of it are sold in this vicinity. As a blood medi­ cine and spring tonic, it standn ahead of all others." H. N. PHILLIPS, Editor Sentinel-Advertiser. HMftf v'f*: Valley. B. I. . ; : >' Hood's Sarsaparllla Sold by all druggists. $1: six for 93. Prepared UrC.l.HOOI> ft CO.. Lowell. Uass. if ] IOO Doses One Dollar PENSIOnS Send for Circulan^"' ; Fasif-a O'FAERF.M . Atty.at Law,Washington,D.C. Wfint®a to Learn Telegraphy. Mtuatiousfiiruisbed. Circular* ,F.ST1>'E Pros., JanesviUe. Wis. MENTION THIS fAKIK A^t«IIII----. for anr of testl- Translating the Kill or Fare. Erastns Gurley was in town yester­ day aud, as nstlal, proceeded to make liis presence felt. He arrived abont 10 a. m.. and, for a change, dropped into a cafe for dinner. The obsequious waiter had just flicked a bit of lint from Mr. Gurlev's eoat collar, when Mr. Gurley opened out on liim: uYe*," he sakU > glancing -at the menu, "you may bring me some eggs blushing like Aurora." "Beg pardon, sir," explained < this waiter, "it's not on the bill." "Isn't, eh? What's this > aeufa a l'anrore ?" ' * >! -• ? "O, yes," teplied the young man, blusliiug and shifting somewhat tin- easily. "And I feel just like having some breeches in the Myal fashion, with vel- vet nauce.*- The,waiter turned red, white and blue. "Got him again," chuckled Mr. Gur­ ley. " Well, I suppose you call it cu­ lottes a la rovale, sauce veloute." "O, that! Yes, sir; yes, sir;" and the waiter briskly rattled the cutlery around Mr. Gurlev's plate «s though he would fain drown Mr. Gurley's voice. "Be sure you bring a stew of good Christians," . "Now you are joking." mildly expos­ tulated the waiter, with a sickly smile. "Not a bit of it, man. She here, ou your bill. Compote de bons Chretiens." "O--ah--ugh," gulped the waiter. "And don't forget the fountains. of love." • • ;1; •. • • "The--ah--I beg pardon.* "Right here on your mend>-ptii^' d'artiour." "Well, well," and the' accompanying grin was ghastly, "And a mouthful of ladies." "Eh?" ' "Bouche de dames--quick, lielp--a glass of water--dash it in his face!" But Mr. Gurley was too late. The waiter was in a dead swoom, almost a cataleptic lit, from which he never re­ covered until along in the aiternoon. As Mr. Gurley went out he inquired of the cashier if the waiters there under­ stood French. "Only by ear," answered the light­ ing change artiste, "which ear, I couldn't inform you.1'--St. Paid Pio­ neer Press, She Wanted Stnall Change. She was a sweet-faced, demure little woman, and as she sat in the ladies' waiting-room of the PennKylvania-Rail­ road, in Jersey City, more than one man had his eyes on her and wondered who she was. By and by a young man iu a check suit and carrying a great deal of cheek took a circuit around and sat down beside her. IJe bad scarcely dropped into the seat before she gave him a sweet smile and inquired if he would please do her a great favor. "A'u! with all the pleasure ia fcjbe world!" he made haste to reply. "I want some small change, _ and if you will be so.kind as to take this bill and--" 1 "Certainly--certainly--most happy to do so." he said as he received it and started for the ticket office. He handed it in without looking at it. and asked for change, but the ticket man shoved it back with the remark: , .r "Wonder how many more fools she will strike before her train goes?" • "What do you mean?" "Look at that bill." It was a $5 Confederate note, and an the young man stood staring at iff wilji blinking eyes the ticket man added: , , t "You are the lift!* t>ne within two hours. She brought 'em along for just such an emergency, and the proper thing for you to do is to take a back seat and make yourself as small as pos­ sible until your train goes." The crushed young man did even liet- ter than that--he left the depot alto­ gether, aud-his demeanor was that of a man who intended to hunt up ;a pile driver and let the hammer fall upon him half a dozen times. • ^ • WAGNER has had no successor. The world was prepared for this sad event, however, as during tho production of all his works there wa% sever a hint of an air apparent. ? e American. THK poet who asserts that life is but a dream was never called upon to move a stove, or get a barrel of aider down the cellar stairs. Hibbnrd's Rheumatic and Liver Pills. These nils are scientifically compounded, uniform In uetion. No gripinp pain so com­ monly following the use of pills. Thry aro adapted to both adults and children with poiiect safety. We puariinteo they have no c«|Uiil in the cure of 4>'«cfc }{radacft?, Con- =!ipution. n.f>r»H»sia. Biliousness: and. a* an' appetizer, they excel any other prepara­ tion. He hoped to win her by his presents; but she said his presence wasn't desira­ ble, so he didn't send any. For Coughs and throat troubles use "Bftowu's BRONCHIAL TROCHES." -- They stop «n attaqk of my asthma cough very promptly.--V. fulclt, Aliuiuioiile, Otiio. j£% To core Biliousness. Sick Headache, Constipation, Malaria. Liver Complaints, take the safe and certain remedv, SMITH'S BILE BEANS TTse the SM ATX SIZE (40 little beans to tho bot­ tle?. 'i hey nro the most convenient; suit aliases. Price of elthei sire, 25 cent* per bottle. KISSING at "• 17, T0: Photo-fravare, IMOvlllVi panel sUe of this picture tor 4 eents (coppers or stamps). J. F. SMITH &CO.. Makers of "Bile Beans." St. Louis, Mo, mmwps free. Artdre-s ^ AI.ES IMWIBHKBMB3HMMS Sure relief | cTrrnr• KIDDER'S PA8TILL£SinccaSTaiL bbymail. StoweUAOo* •CVj PATENTS "Jiestown, Man. MENTION THIS PAPFR TO imtmii Ik'ATXe tm ajw. WaKliinjgton. D. C. Send tor circular. MENTION THIS PAPER «<» wmm»« TO itrnmui. We Kwarantee a food pivln* .. ul<n> •• J. position to erery gradnjile. American School of Tol^yrapUy, Miwllson, Wl®. "MENTION THIS PAPER WM«n *«m» to uiimiMt Habit. The only certain and easy cure. Dr. J. L. _ _ _ _ 1 Stephen*. l-i'Ha MKNTION THIS PAPER w»»* wmrrt** go wnnwu. OPIUM StophfMi*1. Tjt»hanon. Ohtfr. MKNTION THIS PAPER wmrrw TO tafituMa*. H A 11C CTIinV Bookkeepinc.BnwncssForms). URIC v I (It! I» Penmanship.Arit!»metic>hort- liand, etc.. thoroughly tamrht by mail. I 'irculM^ UnxtUfcaritlTr RADWAYi _ Jfree. 'BBT'ANT's BOSINESSCOLLEGE. Buffalo, J5.Y. ilfcvntts THIS PAI'KK «.«»* "Kmou «> ti-nrnf. Your Newsdealer for THE CHICAGO I.KIXiER, the BEMT STOB* PapxB iu the country. Head it. PRICE-LISTS OF RUG MACmNEST Patterns and Yarns, and Colored Pattern Book free. Agent* Wauled. K. BOSS £ CO.. Toledo, Ohio. ASK TBUE ns Magazine. a dye--Indigo.-- St. Louis THE best cough medicine is Pi«o's Care forConsumntloa. bold everywhere. 3fcj. A CHICAGO drngarist retailed over 100,C(X) "T«naill'u i'unch" an. Cigars iu four montua. lii Ain liini i 0JWceO")/C/a-S (C50 Cts> ] Instantly Stop Pain AH0SPEtDllY CURE All IRIOUS Sev d your own Mid a dresses ot All Hook Ajr^nta yon know ^ <vd we \vi 1 send you a FREK 11' J.S. ZEWiKIU CO.,-. IS Adams 8t..fiii«n«o. III. AOESTS WANT trentn yon know r, »ud you a FKEK J E M 1 N I ? P EN S S SuccessfulHy Prosecutes Claims- Late Principal Examiner U. S. Pension Bareau. ~ yTS iu last war. 15 adjudicating claims. attyaiBM* 'J'ht Oldest Medicine in t'te li'crW is firoimbty SK. ISAAC THoni'SOlN'S CELEBRATED EYE-WATER. This arucie is u eatvr.dly pictured pn.vsician's •crlpUou, ami has been in constant use for neai ceaturv. There tire few diseases to which mankind are subject more distressing than sore eyes, and none, perhaps, for which more remedies have been % *• trted without success For all external Inttammatior- -S, t, of the eves it Is sn infaliiWe-remedy. If the direc­ tions are followe<l it will never fall. Wepnrticularlr - % Invite the nttent'on of phvsfctan# »o its merits. For ,JK v : ilur i V oil dn:c^l-ts JfiHN I,. THOMPSON, POSS S j * CO.'. Taov, S" Y. Established 179.'. "SCf Hai COMK A representation of the engraving on onr wrappers.--RAUW'AS & CO. NEW YORK. •m, 1 ntr.iji 11 in ^ lit iii^ii^jV)i[|w ii;iir- III instil,jorii •' ,nrriH-^ i i w 1 uruu unucci I1L1I IIUIflLO. 500,000 ACT€R of N>w Agricultttral L«nd< of ex- : oeilent tinallty. f»bt ined oy the St. Wlq- aiul Manitoba R»Hway, now for sal* istfliii to ttitUers* Vi'rite to J. BUOKWALTER, • Land CtimmiMiotitir, t>i. llisii. itelleftnTBK amtrris. Prru l>. swovaa, M. 1>. frttm",:'. tuwa.k'a.,writea: "1 i " ,5' M until 1 flc, which reiie diatvi IAL PA T.PO Fteu,r-w-~'wo- The Elkhart (arrlagt ffarnast Mfg. 6a. For 1G Y*ara have fo»»amfin •( ALK THV 1%, KRriuj; tb* proftt. anywhere for «• MlIn»lSoa tiuvlnie. r»y ekarare* I fno« aRtlariiclory. ^arr«»t<^4 IW tl FltKIL A4dre.fi F, PRATT, Klkhart, » •> Indiana. NORTHERN IlLOW PRICE RAIL PACIFIC I LOW PRICE RAILROAD URDS * FREE Government LANDtr| MILLIONS ol Acres ill Mlimesoia NttrtliDn- kola.JVlonUi"H,Idalit>,\Ya>hitiKtoi) ludU'exun-l Pn>'licat;onts wit'i mapsde*-cribimiTiFMi^ EST Afcricnltural.Hrwslng and ilmberf Is now opt.i to Settle™. SENT VJRKE. Aodres* " LwmI CanualwIonMvS » A ar uvw MAS. B. LAMBORN. ST. PAUL. MINN. WHAT THE TOWN WANTED. Citizen--So you think of locating here ? Physician--Yes. I thought some of practicing among yon. Citizen--See here, young man, there is a good opening bere#or a man ar ' stands his bis, but we donr want no practicing, or experimenting--aoctorxntfa what we want! Many times women call on their family physicians, suffering, as they imagine, one from dyspespia, another from heart dis­ ease, another from liver or kidney disease, another from nervous exhaustion or prostra­ tion, another with pain here or there, and in thin way they all present alike to themselves and their easy-going and indifferent or over- busy doctor, separate and distinct diseases, for which he prescribes his pills and po­ tions, assuming them to be such, when, in reality, they are all only symptoms caused by some womb disorder. The physician, ignorant of the cause of suffering, encour­ ages his " pra/Uce" until large bills are made. The suffering patient gets no better, but probably worse by reason of the delay, wrong treatment and consequent complica­ tions. A proper medicine, l^te Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription, directed to the canst would have entirely removed the disease, thereby dispelling all those distressing symp­ toms, and instituting comfort instead of pro­ longed misery. It's the only medicine for the peculiar weaknesses, irregularities and painful de­ rangements incident to women, sold by druggists, under a positive guarantee that it will give satisfaction in every case, or price ($1.00) paid for it will be promptly refunded. For a Book of 160 pages, on Woman: Her Diseases and their Seif-cure, (sealed in plain envelope,) send ten cents, in stamps, to WORLD'S DISPENSARY MEDICAL ASSOCIA­ TION, 663 Main Street, Buffalo, N. Y. SIOB: HEADACHE, Bilious Headache, Dizziness, Constipation, Indiges* tion, Bilious Attacks, and all derangements Of the stomach and bowels, are promptly relieved aud 'permanently cured bv the use of DR. PIERCE'S PELLETS. They are Purely Vegetable and Perfectly Harmless. FZXiXj, Uneqnaied! SM ALXJEST, ONE PELLET A DOSE ! retwfrt FREE ROOK ever Printed. I C!T? T7 T\ O ONE cent a OB l-il JO PA CKETr and uinvanls according: to rarity, 1 scarcity, or cost. Cheapest of any by oz. h tt>. IWOOOOeTtrjiS. Cnlafo- f/u«/ree. K. II. SUumn ay Bockfvrd 111. TBE VICTOR TYPBWlfBl l-ow-l'rk-pd ICri'fnjc EWMM the Market. r^IIVECX VLCHASI'I. Hm K H'cid'd of UlSworii* X.«Tluitmt<\ AGENTS \V ANTKT>.; Catalog (iOKMtLI.V Jt JKI - FRKV rrm.N<;n(„ CHi«-aso. II!.. •WAFFTCTBSTITS or BICYCLES TIICYCUS AKO SIHTIES rr YOTT WISH A I (iooii XEVOLfER worcbase one of tho <v'r- br»T<D SMITH ft •Hns. Th<- fili'-st j erer nianufaL'turfd nni the tint choice of aii Manu tie or imsxi ufactuml in calil vn- S_n- fjfeorcifwiljle actioB. Safety •»rsjf«*t jnodels. * • ami . ly best qa>t- It*'wrousiht ntevUf rvfiilly forworlt- inknshv^a i hey are lor fni dnraliflit v unH avcurnc:. en.Hlbv cheep nittllenhlc taM-irow Imltiillons whu-U tX*v{U>u »ndfor tho ^n»r;ne aiUt-le Ml aw not ONLV UT!I*EHABV, V-U£ THF* SMLLH & WESSON arv -.ill npoa• the rein withfiniu lisn\*\ an l uat*-s of and aiv pun fflu!ceil in#v**r> uetau. Iu- feint «|Kin Itsv.Htr the (rrnu.iit1 article, if your dealer c»nuot s«i|>"!v ymi in order s ntto address fw'inw will rt-nivc "r roiiii't and careful altt iition. Pweriptivecatal*i ptic«s f ruislnxl pliaition. SMITH & WESSON, untentloii tlii^rip r. Swi"mr»i«-I«l, HtM. • %|aJi cater CHIC E"? ESTER'S ENGLISH PEKSSVROYAL PSL13. Keil t'rifss lHuuiund Vnad. Thcnri-r rvi:a' 1c y*\\ for ror*. l>r«£el«l fortw: Dia­ mond llrvktcU iu n*4 iu« U B>»«IIR>BOA. TNKCBOVLHERW 3or jxarticuiars Urlllpf fiwr in t»tzrr, hy m«tl Apr. liiidwu Ni.. 1'kUac: I pre^crib# »nd folly •» i1i>rse Hit! (< as the onljr .•ip -o'fii' lor the certain car* <<f Hits disease. U. 11 INtiKAli.VM.X. D., Anhit'idam, N. T. V\- have soiil Big O tor yvan, and U h«* ven the twi o( **U»> fttoiion. _ D. a. DYCHE4 CO.. Chica*®, lit. fU.H> by l>ru«*t»U. DATA HriooSj fcytsw ChixLyJ 5.; Best Cough Medicine. Recommended by Physicians Cures where all else fails. Pleasant and agpreeabie to taste. Children take it without objection. By dru--; C. >. u UTHKN WRITING TO Tf please my Uita