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VAN SLYKE, Editor ni Publisher. HBNRY, ILLINOIS. TBJE MAN WITH A CORN. r,.. BT J. HALXAS." ?V$ „ ' Vf Yon KM him in the highway . s. «,,' <•*, <• Yon see him in the byway f * : ATOU eee hiiu any plauo that you inaj- (fb; •i You can tell him when yon meet him, §V 1 , By the way hit) friend* all trout, lino,--- ^ ; -The man who has a eoru ujwn his toft. J'V'S When you meet birn in 8 crowd, • You can hear him lmller 1 >ud, • '"look out there now, don't xtep npon aytWt* , W your foot should chance to atrika Mm, *• .** , It would not be much unlike hitn *g, ^,'To throw you to the middle of the street. /, _ When he travels dovrn the road T'J-'/J, You would think he had a load, , HE treads BO very soft and very alow; • < ;j . He wivlks as though on eggs, , , f ' ? A s t h o u g h h i a ahoea were full of poifj,'1*?" •' .. , • ,„t,The man who has a corn upon hia to* * ; ' SPankee Blade. • pernor - "Very well--that is--a little," the an­ swered composedly. "Tm I daresay with that jack-a-napes, Eye-glass, in close attendance, while I sjent a miser­ able afternoon." "Really I Yon seemed exceedingly comfortable when last I saw you! What disturbed your slumbers!" "How did you know I was sleeping?" *1--well--that is I forgot my fan and came back this way" she answered hes­ itatingly. "Where was Eye-glass that he al­ lowed it?" sarcastically. "As I do not watch his movements I am unable to say," coldly. "I'll not stand this a moment long- tremble. "You shall not encourage where the W; Si, •. •' :W-' , WHAT THE HAMMOCK HEARD , ; OARA M. HOWAHDl. Only a hammock, 'tis true, and a flloth one at that, but I have seen some­ thing of life and its vicissitudes in my day; many a scrap of family history, many a bit of romance could I relate, for no one thought a hammock had 4ars to hear, or eyes to see what was going on around, consequently talked freely in my presence. I have listened to the innocent Sat,tie of the children, the laughter d love-making of the young people, the gossip of matrons, and to learned dissertations from wise men. Surely must learn something from these versations! was a gay company gathered at •old farm-house that summer--the mmer when I was first swung under the tree in the yard; previously I had lain, neglected and forgotten, on the dusty counter of. the village store: Blue-eyes saw me one day, and pounced upon me, as "the very thing for a hammock;" and a hammock I speedily became, under her nimble fingers, assisted by a pair of stronger hands whose owner bent his tall head over the work until the brown and gtiden locks mingled. Once he threw my folds about her, holding her prisoner for a moment, while be gazed in those lovely eyes with a look which made them droop, •ad their owner struggled to be free. Soon the task was completed and I was •Wung by strong new ropes, ' and pro­ vided with gay pillows. The sticks were not so strong, how­ ever, for Hercules, the owner of the brown head, being the iirst to try their Strength, was precipitated to the ground •mid the laughter of Blue-eyes and her companions; she soon met her punish­ ment, for, the damage being repaired, •he was seized in a pair of strong arms, deposited unceremoniously among the pillows, and swung until she begged for mercy. Ah, this was life indeed! to sway gently in the summer wind, and listen toithe song of birds overhead, while the trees whispered softly together in the balmy breeze of morn or eve, stood si­ lent and drooping at noon, or groaned feed in the fury of the summer t. those golden summer days; filled Sowing* with * joy and gladness, oie perfect than the last, will I ever see their like again! How brief they were! How soon that merry com­ pany were scattered--to meet, perhaps Haver again this side of the grave. I There were picnics up the river, boat rides by the light of the moon, tisliiug excursions, tramps to the woods for berries, croquet and tennis parties, everything that youth could desire to fill the hours with enjoyment. . Blue-eyes was the life of these gatherings, and the young men vied with each other in showing her atten­ tions, causing the other young ladies much vexation of spirit; but she was so sweet-tempered and lovable, and so anxious to please that they forgave her, ^ Mid she became prime favorite. I had abundant opportunity for ol^ •erving these tilings, as I usually ac­ companied the party for the benefit of an invalid, a fair young girl upon whose fcce death had already set his impress, plainly Keen in the hectic flush of the cheek, and the hollow cough which Sicked her frail form. : i To an ordinary observer Blue-eye's "treatment of her admirers was such as tp give encouragement to none, but I knew Hercules was the one she favored by an indefinable something in her manner toward him. He made no is preference for her, being veil tli heaven of beatitude smiled on him, and sulkiag . ^J&ther was in favor. I Especially was this the case when be small young man with the eye-glass B^pro ached her. f If black looks could have annihilated, (Eye-glass would have given up the fchost speedily; but the little man cou­ nted himself with basking in the light * er smiles when they were directed ard himself, and returning Her- es' black looks when they were not. ^ ose two glared at each other like 'd beasts sometimes, and I trembled for Eve-glass' safety, for Hercules could liave shaken the life out of him with '^perfect ease; his looks often indicated ;|fie would greatly enjoy the process. One day there was a picnic planned fejwith which Hercules refused to have i anything to do, saying he hated picnics, ' land sulked about under the trees pre i tending to read, but really watching, from behind his book, the movements that puppy in this shameful manner!" "I do not understand- you! What have 1 done, and what right have you to dictate my line of conduct?" indig­ nantly. "You do understand me, and you know well why I came here; you know also that you have treated me shabbily thte whole time, and all for that puppy! there isn't enough of his whole Anat­ omy to mage a decent grease spot!" "He is at least a gentleman 1" " Which means that I am not, I sup­ pose!" "You can infer that such was my meaning if you likel" with a little break in her voice Which caused Hercules to cry hastily, "Forgive me, Blue-eyes I my love for you make1) me desperate!" and he stole an arm about her whifper- ing sweet nothings in her ear till she promised forgivness. I saw him hold her hands at parting and as their lips met they whispered, "Don't tell anyone yet, dearest; let us keep the secret a while longer!" Next day as Blue-eyes and her friend Lara were talking together, I heard Lara say, "Be careful, Blue-eyes! do not lose your heart, for he is the worst flirt in town!" Blue-eyes blushed and was silent. Those stolen meetings occurred nearly every evening, apparently by chance, and there was often a brown head beside the golden one upon my pillow, or sometimes the golden one was transferred to a white-shirt front, or a black coat-sleeve;" invariably there were the same words at parting, "Do not tell them yet, trust me yet longer," and Blue-eyes went to the house, while her lover lingered to finish his cigar. The days grew into weeks, each filled with perfect happiness to two, at least, of the party. All things must have an end, however, and soon the day came when the merry party said good bye to the old farm-house and departed, leav­ ing this pleasant spot reluctantly, and carrying a host of pleasant memories with them. Hercules and Blue-eves had evidently been quarreling again, for they purted coldly, only the anguish in the azure eyes' telling how keenly she felt the parting. After he had gone she flung herself among my pillows and sobbed until the first pangs of parting were over. Lara tried to comfort her and gain her confi­ dence, but Blue-eyes' only answer was, "Please don't, Lara; don't you see how miserable I am?" Lara at length departed and Blue- eyes was alone. I saw very little of her during the day, but at dusk when the pale moon was peeping at me •.hrough the trees, she came out, and nestling her head down among my pillows,, cried softly, and kissed the spot where the brown head had lain; whis­ pering as she did so. "You will not tell tales, you dear old hammock! and now he has forgotten me no one shall ever know." For a long time she seemed sad, and depressed, never singing at her work, or laughing gayly as before. One day there came a letter which brightened her wonderfully; then came another, until she became quite herself again. I was removed to the hall upstairs; when winter came; although I found smaller opportunity of seeing the "ups" and "downs" and "ins" and "outs" of life, still I saw Blue-eyes every day and she always passed me with a smile antf blush that told me she had not for­ gotten. & Eye-glass came often, in those days, but met with small encouragement; growing desperate, at last, he urged his suit, but Blue-eyes gave him no hope. Growing angry at this he told 1 - - he knew her secret, adding with „«it lieat, "You shall never marry him while I live!" "Never! I sweai it!" Blue-eyes dismissed' him with a fact as white as marble; he left hex presence, muttering "You shall rue tbii. day! now mark my words!" One day Dr. , who had knowxs Blue-eves from childhood, called, and seeing how pale she was, asked why she looked so sad; she answered him with a burst of tears. Soothing her gently, as one would a child, he told her he had loved her always, and begged her to brighten his lonely life, and let him take care of her. Recovering from her surprise, she told him she could never be his wife. There were tears in . his honest eyes as he Dancing l*»rtle». The average ball in Port-au-Prince, a genuine society affair, has some inter­ esting characteristics. You are ex­ pected to arive about 6 o'clook in the evening, and to Btay until daybreak. Your host, not your hostess, is the con­ spicuous personage. She is nobody and nowhere in particular -that is, accord­ ing to*Hayti'a code, says a correspond­ ent of the Philadelphia American. Your host has selected a few of his gentlemen friends to assist liitn in re­ ceiving They meet the guests upon their arrival, and escort the ladies to , v .the dressing room, and, waiting for er! he burst out, while I felt his"frrrnr" "tlhem, take them down the grand *alon, women, young and o!d, are gently, and bade of Blue-eyes who was playing croquet 5<l, ( t *A.f'" with his small rival. jft *J|; ' When the party were nearly ready to f, 'wt stard Blue-eyes came out, probably with iQteil&on urgiQc Hercules to ac- jjlV , company them, but finding him fast '~i" ' as'eeP she slipped back, to the house **. , v without waking him; I felt a tear plash yt ^fSgupon my pillow close to the brown head as she bent above him for a moment. *: As the invalid was not of the party I :l was left behind, and Hercules finished % his nap in peace; but on waking tum- ? bled about, tossing my pillows right si- and left, and making my rope3 crack nnder his two hundred avoirdupois; he ** tried to read, but soon gave it up and < lit a cigar; having finished this he disap kissed her her adieu. She was watcfimg fthe post again, with feverish expectancy, and grew paler every day, ao I kfetgy those pre­ cious letters has ceased. Spring came, and grew into summer.. I was swung under the trees, as-. of yore, hut saw little company. Blue- eyes came to me sometimes, but she looked so sad, and cried so, I wished she would not come. One evening, late in summer, she came hurriedly out, und sitting down, drew from her pocket a letter, which she opened with trembling fingers; as she did so there fell from it a pic­ ture, which chanced to fall upon the very spot the brown head had so often pressed. Blue-eve3, glancing at it, uttered a shriek, and fell forward, aa white as death, and as still; the face was that of Hercule*, and beside him another--a •vounS girl in bridal dress. Poor child! How I. longed to wind my strong ropes about his neck and throttle him! Those words of Eye-glass' came back to me, "You shall never marry him, never!" I hung there for weeks, the prey of wind and rain, neglected, and forgotten. One day my mistresM came, with tottering steps and a face I would scarce seated around the room and left to themselves, the gentlemen congregat­ ing out on the galleries until a dance is called, when partners are chosen and the wallflowers are brought forward. But the dance over, there is no pleasant gossiping between the sexes--ao sitting on the stairs and all that, but the ladies are straightway led back to their seats again and left to meditate or chatter among themselves. Two bullets have been set up for the occasion, one for the gentlemen--our on the gallery, as a rule--where drinks and cigars are served, the other near the salon, for the ladies, supplied with light sweet wines and confections. A ball is rather stupid for a woman, unless she has plenty of partners. Even the display of fancy hosiery that Haymarket belles delight in palls upon the yawn­ ing wearers after a time. Sitting there, between the dances, they stretch out their slippered feet, and the effect of these bright stockings is some compen­ sation for the ennui they must endure that the men, so merry outside, may enjoy their ball. The 'horseback- parties up in the mountains are a marked feature of Hayti's better social life. The caval­ cade starts off at daybreak, or perhaps even earlier; the objective point some mountain cabin, where the contents of the hampers will be spread, and possibly beds provided for.a night or two. Through the heat of the day, from 9 until 4, the party will loll about in the dense shade, eating fruit, singing and playing cards, the delicious mountain air making it hard for a stanger to believe that lie is in the tropics, and to wonder why a sanitarium is not built upon these in­ vigorating heights. The Haytian gentleman who would express the utmost courtesy to a stranger iu Port-au-Prince invites him to use his bath, the highest distinction be can offer.and one most gratefully ap­ preciated if the stranger is staying at the hotel of the capital. Every Hay­ tian' with any claims whatever to re­ spectability even, has a bath, a large swimming bath, as a rule, through which the clear, cold mountain stream is running, and in which he dives many times a day. The»e swim­ ming baths are latticed pavilions,stand­ ing near the villas, their basins some ten or more feet square or circular, with broad steps leading down to them. They are usually about three feet deep, but sometimes deeper, and are furnished with every convenience for bathing., An Awful Calmity. A number of Eentuckians that were engaged in working on the county road, had sat down in the shade to rest, when a man came along and asked the way to Dorch's mill. "Wall," said the road overseer, "ef you go down this 'er way (pointing) fur enough, and then go down that er way fur enough (again pointing) you will git thar all right." "Yes, but how far wilt be fap enongh?" "Oh, about two sights an' a half.* ' . "How far do you call a sight?" "As fur down the road as you con see." "But I can't see very far down this way. A hill shuts oft .the view." "Yes, but yon can see as far as you kin, kaint you?" . • "Oh, yes." ."Wall, then that's a sight." "So it's about two sights and a half from here?" : r "That's whut I 'lowed." . 3 "How much.is half a sightf* "As fur as you kin see chopped in half." "Ah, you mean that when I get to the last sight, I will find the mill just half way of the distance I can see?" "That's whut I 'lowed." "You have a very peculiar way of ex­ pressing it, but I suppose it's all right."* "Sadol." "How many days duriflg the year d you have to work the road?'"5 "Owin' to how much rain we've had. Sometimes we don't tech it fur a whole year, an' then agin we hatter hit it putty often. Fellers grumble might'ly too, when they do hatter tech it. They 'l>ear to think that all the work they do on the road is flung away; an' it is mighty nigh the way so fur its they air contained, fur we all ride hoss back when we wanter go anywhar, an' it's only the outsiders that travels on wheels. Don't be snatched," he added as the man started to ride away. "Yes, must be moving; have business with old man Dorch and am anxious to see him." " Wait a minit an' we'll have a little licker. Sent my Bon Tom over to the still house with a jug jest now, an' it * putty nigh time he war a gettiu back." Just then a young fellow dashed up on a horse, and calling the overseer, cried: "Say, Mr. Denson, jest now as Tom war oomin' back frum the still house, the hoss flung him an' the folks do 'low that he has broke his neck." "Laws a massy!"' exclaimed the over­ seer, "jest lissen to that. Tom dun flung, an' I bet a dollar that jug is busted all to flinders. Never did have so much trouble in my life. Never needed licker more than I do' right now, an' I bet that jug is busted. 'Pear like times gits harder an' harder on a honest man every day of the world."-- Arkamaw Traveler. ----t & - F;ared in the direction of the house and have known, so changed it was and was left alone. How quiet it was! no untying my ropes, with trembling fin- IM; sound but the twitter of birds and the hum of bees to break the stillness. At dusk the picnic party returned, too tired for their usual evening amuse­ ments, and soon retired. Blue eyes came out to me for a moment's solitude, however, but was not allowed to enjoy it long, for tjje odor of a cigar floated upon the air followed by Hercules' tall form. He seated Mtsself beside Blue-eyes and pulled away in silence for some mo­ ments, then throwing away the cigar, . . trembling gers, carried me tenderly to my old place in the hall, where X have lain ever since. _. Only when the children come troop- ipg out to "Grandma's," from town, am I' ever swung under the trees I. love so well. They tease "Auntie Blue-eyes" for a swing in the "pretty hammo'ek," and she humors them, sometimes swinging with them, but with a look on her face I. tremble to see, although I am only a hammock. A Wonderful Clock.;' i i. W. W. Bradley, formerly of Water- bury and whose parents and relatives live here, now master mechanic. of the Dueber Watch Case Company of Can­ ton, Ohio, together with Electrician W. N. Parker has invented an electri­ cal, self-winding and synchroning clock, which is thus described in the Sunday Herald of that place: "This clock has been so designed that it has but five wheels, and is run without springs. As a time keeper, it is almost perfect, showing a variation of only four seconds in fifty-five, days, which leaves it without a rival as a time­ keeper. Sealed up it will for two years register true time, the synchronizer rectifying the few seconds* variation^. Another admirable feature, and one that will count in service, ia'the' automatic the operator at the observatory, or wher­ ever tto &iiater clock is located, to have fall COBWOI of all clocks connected by wire to the master clock. Attention from way-station operator is not re­ quired, and no meddling can effect the synchronizer. Clocks can be synchron­ ized at an^ hour or half hour desired from the observatory, and while the telegraph wires are doing full service. In obviating the defects in other ap­ pliances for a like purpose, the gentle­ men deserve great credit iu making it a practical device for home use, as well as railroad, city and factory time. The gentlemen have had large offers for their invention, but they will not determine on the disposal of it until all their patent applications have been al­ lowed in Europe as well as in this county.*-- Hartford Pout. : ^ Out of Town. /f A crippled child was taken otit of the slums in Philadelphia one Bummer to a farm-house among the hills, where she remained for a fortnight. It was her first visit to the country. The next summer the farmer's wife went to the city to find the child, and to bring hev home with her. But want and foul air had conquered. She was dying. "I wish I could go," she said, with eager eves. "Are the fields green this year ? And are the trees growing the same way still?" _ ' A poor shop-girl, with some of her companions, was taken* by*'a good woman to the seashore for the first time. Her friend, seeing her standing alone on the beach, went up to her and found her weeping. "Excuse me, ma'am," she said, "but I'm not used to these swell things." Do Ave realize that there are in this free, bountiful country people so poor that the sea and fields and all good things seem to them to belong only to the "swell" rich? Children's Relief and Fresh Aii Funds are doing much more in oui cities to give to the overworked poor in their garrets and alleys a glimpse of the country during the summer, but there are still countless thousands who are left behind. Cannot some of the families who read Thie Companion, and to whom sea and woods and fields are familiar things, give to some otner child stifling among the hot bricks of the city, a sight of them this summer ?--Youth's Companion. Rotation. "Julius Csesar was a consul. Napo­ leon the First was a consul, and I am a consul." This is the way a certain man ex­ pressed his feelings on receiving from the State Department at Washington papers stamped with the official seal and announcing his appointment a; United States Consul t|t a little place on the Mediterranean. Within three or four years it was with quite different feelings that he opened another official envelope from the State Department. A new president liud been elected, and the letter contaiued the information that a new consul would soon appear to take possession ol the seal, press, flag, coat-of-arms, the Bevised Statutes, the Statutes at Large, Wheatons Digest, v>d other property belonging to the United States." An anecdote illustrating that it is an understood thing by men of all parties that once in four years officers who are in are to be turned (out and iresh men put in their places,--the ab.«ird system of the "spoils,"--is told by Mr. Horts- mann in his "Consular Reminiscences." After the exciting election of 1876, which resulted in the inauguration as President of Mr. Hayes, Governor Hen­ dricks, who had been Mr. Tilden's as­ sociate on the Democratic ticket, made it trip to Europe. He visited Munich, and Mr. Horts- mann, then Our con&ul at that point, showed him the "sights* of the city. The conversation happened to turn on the recent election, and Mr. Hendricks jokingly said: • "Oh, well, the thing's over now; at any rate, if I had'been elected, you see, t wouldn't have had the pleasure of be­ ing in Munich no,w, and going round with you." "No," replied the consul, "and if you had been elected I suppose 1 should not have been here to be showing you around."--Youth's Companion. Thriving Condition of the H*ndadomA«< Mault Business. As one of our most prominent young burglars was walking out of court the other morning, just having secured an acquittal by a prompt and business-like "divvy" on his latest job, a well-dressed but auxious looking stranger touched his arm and beckoned him iuto a door­ way. "You are 'Teddy, the Ferret,' aren't you?" asked the gentleman; "the man who was tried to-day for safe-breaking, eh?" "Well, wot of it?" replied the house­ breaker. . . "Why, just this--you'll excuse my speaking so low--but the fact is I've come all the way from Philadelphia to look up some reliable party in your line of business." "Exactly--you are a bank cashier down there." "How do you know that?"stammered the gentleman, much amazed. "And your cash and accounts are to be gone over by the directors next meetiug, and as you can't realize on yonr stocks, you want me to gag you some night next week, shoot your hat full of holes, find the vault combination in your inside breast pocket and go through the safe in the regular way.' "Great Scott, man! How did you find that out ?" "Why, it's the regular thing, you know. Got three orders to tend to ahead of yours now. Lemme see-- can't do anything for you next week, but might give you Thursday night of the week after. How'll that suit you ?" The cashier thought he could make that do; and, having put up the usual retainer, he strolled down to Wall Street to see how his Lake Shore shorts were panning out.--Merchant Sraveler. .f- No Place for Tuoncln. | A Scotchman, who had been em­ ployed nearly, all his life in the build­ ing of railways in the Highlands of Scotland, came to the United States in his last years and settled in a new sec­ tion on the plains of the far West. Soon after his arrival a project came up in his new home for the construction of a railroad through the district, and the Scotchman was applied to as a man of experience in such matters. "Hoot, mon!" said lie to the spokes­ man of the scheme; "ye canna.bui)d a r'alway across this kentrv!" "Why not, Mr. Ferguson?" "Why not?" he repeated witli an air of settling the whole matter; "why not? And dinna ye see the ken try's as flat as a flure, arid you have naw place what­ ever to run jour toojmels through ?"-- Ban Francisco Argqwiut,, .; ŝstthatcan be foo&d ofaay living thing ars the remsifisof sea-weed and of the olob-mssses that grow in wet 'places. Soon, however, animals ap­ peared, and the layers of Silurian rock are found in some places to be entirely composed of the shells of animals. Sometimes these shells are very small, but some are larger than those of any. animal now in existence. Nor is it by any means certain that small animals were created first. Little and big seem to have existed together. We find the shells of animals so * mall as to be in­ visible, except under the microscope, side by side with shells four fefet broad. The framework of the tiniest creature which helped to make up these layers of rock is extremely beautiful. The little coral animals commenced their busy career during this age,build­ ing lime-stone reefs and making the beautiful chain coral which can still be seen on the lime-stone reefs in the Western States. Another kind of ani­ mal, related to the coral polyp, and called a "crinoid," -must have greatly added to the beauty of the Silurian seas. We find its remains in the shape of atmriously carved, six-sided body. From each of five sides a lily-like arm was sent out, and the animal was fast­ ened to the rock by a stem running from the center to the sixth side. Prof. Agassiz called them "stone lilies." Other layers of rock are composed wholly of the remains of queer animals called "trilobites." They belong to the same family as our lobsters, and varied in size from one-sixtli of an inch to two feet in length. There were two great depressions running lengthwise in their bodies, which divided them into three lobes. They had also the same ring­ like divisions running around the body as are seen in lobsters. They swam on their backs, and had the power of rolling themselves into a ball. Prob­ ably this was done to defend themselves against some foe. Many were caught in this position when the mud was changing into rock, and kept for us to see. In other layers of rock are found fossils of different animals of the lob­ ster kind. Nothing like these animals is found now. So many mollusks--that is, soft ani­ mals with hard shells,like the oysters-- them swam in the waters, that this age is sometimes called the "Age of Mol­ lusks." They were of all sizes and shapes and there were millions of them. There'was one, belonging to the same family as our nautilus, which was four feet across. Another resembled a nau­ tilus unrolled. It was from ton to fif­ teen feet long, and measured a foot in breadth. The remains of fishes are found, for the first time in some of the upper lay­ ers belonging to this period. In Wales, in the land of the Silures, they claim to have found one layer composed entirely of fish-bones.--St. Nicholas. vT',-?-. • ' How the Baby Was Saved. The anniversary of a great snowslide on Mount Davidson in 18t57 moves the Virginia City Enterprise to recount a story connected with another slide of eight years later, in which two men were killed, and a woman* and a baby were for a time buried under the snow. The woman was protected oy some part of her wrecked house, and was no sooner dug out than she began to call for her child, of whom nothing was to be seen. Soon some one said, "I hear a baby's voice." Everybody listened, and sev­ eral asserted that they could hear a faint cry. They agreed that it seemed to come from above--up on the side of the mountain. Nothing was to be seen in that direc­ tion but a compact mass of »now, but in a few minutes men were scattered over the slope near where the demol­ ished dwellings were supposed to have stood. The faint cries of a child were still heard at intervals, and after what seemed a long time the spot from which they proceeded was fixed upon with reasonable certainty, and digging was begun. The snow was so compact that it was difficult to remove it with shovels, but the men dared not use their picks, not knowing how near the surface the baby might be. f All the while the crowd of bystanders and laborers was growing larger, and the cries were becoming more distinct. At last, when about four feet of snow had been dug through, the top of a cptitting-stove was reached. The voice was then heard so plainly that several persons cried ouftogether, "It is in the stover "The child is in the stove!" As Booii as possible one of the men thrust down his hand, but the oven door was shut, and the same proved to be true on the other side. The mystery was not solved till the worker^ got down to the floor of the house. Then it was found that the baby was under the stove, whence it was hauled out safe and sound. Doubtless it had been crawling about the floor at the moment the avalanche came, and with the first rush of the snow was pushed under the stove, which, fortunately, stood on blocks sev­ eral inches in height. Shaking Hmiilit. The custom of hand-shaking is sup­ posed to date back to the time of Henry II. If so, it has stood its ground longer than, most fashions are ab'.e to do, though the exact form lias undergone considerable change, and has been sadly shorn of its courtlv grace and ceremony, in the interval, the form of salute was a work of art, a thing that had to be studied in the school-room, and prac­ tised with the dancing master daily; but nowadays anybody can greaet friend without previous training. This is how it is done. Two gentlemen meet, they grab one another by the hand, "How are you, old boy?" "Old boy," instead of answering the question repeats it to bis friend, and there is an end of it. Both have asked questions, but neither has answered, and with a final wriggle of the hand they go on their way. Per­ haps some day, in the dim and distant future, a new form of salute will come into fashion, but until then we shall go on being pulverized and squeezed, and suffer agonies on account of our rings; for with all its pains and inconveniences, we should none of us care tp meet the hearty loving grip of our true, good friends. ' The Guileless Peddler. "Madam, I have not called for the purpose of trying to sell you anything, but to inquire if there is a man named Jones living in this vicinity," says the peddler, respectfully. "Mr. Jones lives next door," replies the lady of the house. "Thanks. He baa a boj about twelve, has he not?" "He has," t "I think he is the man I am looking for. I was directed a few moments ago by a friend of his to call upon him. I am making my last trip as a traveling vender of merchandise, and have closed out all my juvenile ware3 except this shall offer to Mr. Jones at so* a figure that But pardon me. I had no &tentM>a of detaining you. Thanks for your kindness, madam. Good- day." "Hold on! What is that drum worth?" "It is really worth $5, but 1 had de­ cided to offer it to Mr. Jonei at the nominal figure of 75 cents." "I'll take it." ' 1 Assessed Value of Wives. A recent opinion rendered by the Virginia Court of Appeals shows that the law recognizes a graded valuation of wives. The complainant had sued for damages for the loss of his wife, who had been accidentally killed .through the negligcnce of the defen­ dants. On the trial evidence tending to show that the deceased had been a superior wife was offered, and, pre­ sumably influenced by this, the jury gave the complainant a verdict for $6,000. The defendants objected to proof as to the character of thi wife, and carried the issue to the highest court of the State. That tribunal holds tfyat such evi­ dence was perfectly proper as means of estimating the damage suffered by the husband. *If the character and eonduct of the wife," says the Court, "be such that her death will cause "but little sorrow, suf­ fering, and mental anguish $o the.hus­ band, then the fair and just proportion of the damages to be awarded by the jury will be measured accordingly. But if on the contrary," the Court adds, "the wife be loving, tender and dutiful to her husband, thrifty, industrious, economical and prudent--as the evi­ dence in this case proved Mrs. McCon- nell to be--then her price is far above rubies, and the loss of such a wife, of such a helpmeet, of Buch influence, of such a blessed and potent ministry and companionship, is a proper element of damages to be considered by the jury in fixing the solatium to be awarded to the husband for tearing her from his heart and home."--Buffalo Saturday Tiding*. > A Slight Accident. The combination of a small boy Wttti almost any thing has iu it the possibili­ ties of amusement, and especially is this true of a certain class of lads who are always lively. One of this sort was recently seen riding in a Boston horse- car, twisting himself about upon the seat and distinguishing himself by the number of shapes into which he con­ trived to put himself in the shortest possible time. He had his fare in his hand, from time to time putting it down upon the seat or iuto his mouth- when he needed both of his hands in his gymnastics. He was just in the middle of an un­ usually lively attempt to pick up a bit of paper with his left hand twisted under his right leg, when the conductor came along for the fares. The small boy left off his struggle to get at the bit of paper, sat up in the seat, and be­ gan to gasp and choke in a manner really alarming. The conductor stood in evident doubt whether the boy was having a fit, when the little fellow managed to stammer ant: "You'll have to charge my fare to my father, Mr. X. Y., please. I've swal­ lowed my nickel."--Boston Courhf, *. Making a Reduction. "Strawberries, ma'am?" queried the huckster as she stood in the door of her house in Jersey Cityf according to the New York Sun. "How muchf ill® ei»ntioaslj '!&> quired. "Twelve cents a. quart, ma'am, or two quarts for 25 cents." "Oh! Well, I'll take two'quarts." "Exactly, ma'am." He measured out the berries, got his quarter, and drove off, while she dis­ appeared iu the house. She came out agaiu after a couple of minutes, how­ ever, looked up and down the street, and not being able to him anywhere she shook her fist in the direction he took and exclaimed: "I'll know him by the wart on his nose, and I'll get even with him if it takes a year!" A New England Old Maid. A writer in the Christian Union sketches with a sympathetic pen a typical New England old maid, grim and brusque of manner, but having a warm heart; a hard shell vsaint, he fe­ licitously calls her. Not long ago, he says, after the death of a proud aristo­ crat of the town, whom She had nursed faithfully, she said, "He allers used . to think the Lord's overcoat wouldn't make him a jacket. Guess now he knows better." Nor could Charity itself forbear a smile when one day iu the burying ground she first saw 'Memento Mori' cut on the family stone of a local citizen, and ex­ claimed: "I knowed all of Jem Smith's darters, but blessed if I knowed before one of them married any .Mr. Mori" nA Conaotaiitlou* Driver. "No, sir," said a herdic driver, "I never run over a man, not at least a drunken man. Why should I run down a prospective customer? With ladies it is different. I'd just as soon run over a lady as not. They never take a herdic. But the drunken man does. He comes to me and says, 'Take me home,'and I say, 'Where?' He can't tell me, but I search his pockets and find his card or an addressed en­ velope, and I take him home. If he has no money his wife gives it to me and thanks me besides. No, sir, I never run over a drunken man." Unpleasant Suggestion* i Augustus--I have resolved to name my filly Mary Jane Smith, after you, the idol of my heart. Mary Jane--No-you don't Augustus--Why"not? Isn't the filly fast enough? Mary Jane--Yes. But do you think I want my friends to read such items in the papers as: Mary Jane Smith was laid up with the glanders, Mary Jane Smith flew the tract at the quarter pele, Mary Jane Smith sold iu the pools at ten to eight against the field, Mary Jane Stnith acted badly jusUunder the wire? Not for me. please. What He Missed. Unole Silas Greening, visiting his niece in the city, was taken one day to Bee the chrysanthemum show. The old man is of a practical turn, and sel­ dom hesitates to speak his mind. "Well, uncle." said his niece, after their return home, "how did you like the exhibition ?" * "Wal, to tell ye the truth, Elviry, I didn't think much on't." "Why, what was the matter with it?" "Matter?" Why, tliere wa'n't BO much as a single punkiu in the whole show!" IT is wonderful what strength and boldness of purpose and energy of will come from the feeling that we are in the way of duty. ' • [Culled from our Exchanges.] A POROUS plaster has its draw hacks. FASHIOKABLE Penitence--sack coat and sashes. To REMOVE freckles--many the girl and take her to your home. "A PROSPEROUS butcher is always ab|# to meat his indebtedness. FORTUNE FOR CHAPPIE--"Did her father kick?" "Yes, but he missed, thank heaven." "WHAT do you think of it?" asked an old member of a Secret society of a newly initiated one. * "O, it's ail rite." IT was a Chicago girl who married at fifteen so that she could have her gold­ en wedding when it would do her some good. SCHOOL TEACHER (severely)--You are half an hour late this morning. Little Boy (who was "kept in" the day before) --Yes'm. It was late yesterday when I got home. WHEN a man has done a foolish thing he always looks around quickly to see it anybody saw him; when a woman Loes--but who ever knew a woman tp do a foolish tuing? THE difference between men's and women's ways is nowhere shown so plainly as in trouble. Where woman gives way to a flood of tears, man pro­ ceeds to put up a few dams. PASSENGER--Why is it most men want to get a seat inside the car, it only to ride a short way. Conductor--, I suppose it is because there are no seats on the outside of the car. SELF-SACRIFICE: Boy (to lady teacher)--Teacher, there's a gal over there a-winkin' at me! Teacher--Well, then, don't look t*t her! Boy--But if I don't look at heir, she'll wink at some­ body else! PAT (who js being lowered into a well)--Stop, will ye, Murphy? Oi want to coom up again. Murphv (still letting him down)--Phat for? *Pat-- Oi'll show ye. Af ye don't sthop lettin' me doon Oi'll cut ther rope! "ISN'T it funny that Johnson could steal a hundred thousand dollars from i firm and yet have his books so fixed that the firm couldn't discover the loss?" "Well, you know Johnson al~ ways was clever at ledger-demain. IN SCHOOL.-- Pupil, reciting --^When the old Romans felt their end approach­ ing, they wrapped themselves in their togas and awaited death. But suppose death did not come? Teacher--Then I suppose they unwrapped themselves. PATIENT--But, doctor, does it not take up your valuable time,. coming all the way from Hampstead to Chelsea? Doctor (cheerfully)---Not at all; you see I have a patient at Soland Square, so I can kill two birds wi <h one stone. AT THE DEPOT.--Flapper--I feel sorry for the poor immigrant over there. He wants to get a ticket for some place out west, but his English is so bad that no oae can understand him. Flipper-- It seems a pity that he can't Express himself, doesn't it? PARSON WIDEMOUF-- Deacon Slum- gullion, I whush yo'd make a p'int ter be at de chu'ch nex' Sund'y. I'se gwan gib yer suffln' l'om de ax ob de Postles. Deacon S.--Well, parson, ef yo'll ius' take de ax an' chop de sarmon in two, I reckon hit'll gree mo' wid de patience erde congregation. MRS. SLIMDIET (boarding-house keeper)--What have you in this pot, Bridget? Bridget (who is trying to cleai) the old lamp burners by boiling them)--Plaze, mum, tL-im's th'ould lamp tops. They waz no use at all at all. Mrs. Slimdiet--Well, don't forget to put in plenty of seasoning. AN old lady alighted from a oar and said, "AH!" in a tone of approbation, " how much more polite men are nowa­ days than they used to be. Why, I have always plenty of room in an omni­ bus, but when I was young I could never ride in one without being orowded. Such things never happen now." ^ "' k. Breaking in a Brake man. A conductor on one of the railroads running out of Boston, had recently an amusing experience in breaking in a new brakeman, an obtuse individual frow Way-back, who seemed to per­ versely understand the simplest instruc­ tion. T"w: "Now," said the oonductor, as the ain started, "remeinber that you are open the car door where you stand, ^ and call out the name of the stations as ^ we stop at them." ^ "But I don't know the name of acgr ora 'em." "Well, then, you can listen to me; I ^ will call the name of the station when ^ we stop, at the door at the other end of the car, and you can sing out the same at this end." r„i| "All right," said the new official, and ^ the conductor passed on. * \ Presently the train drew up, and the .f'-lfc latter, putting his head in the rear door, " $ shouted the name of the new town,-5- ^ "Frontviile, Frontville." " This was followed by the new brake- * ^ man's putting his head in at the other door of the car and shouting, in stento- JW rian tones,-- ^ 1 "Same at this ond; same lit this' ' . end." > . -Hf . r? v. - •. ' iM It Was an Officer. The late Cyp W7hitman, who had a { very peculiar voice, was a member of the 12th Mainfe in the Department of the Gulf. One day the regiment was out on dress parade when a short, stumpy officer with short legs and a broad expanse of abdomen came riding past. Cyp allowed his astonishment to r: # overcome his discretion. * ? , ^ "What is that?" he asked in his imitable voice. Instantly discipline was lost and laughter ruled supreme. Cyp was ar- i rested and taken to the guard-house >• " and finally before the regimental offi- f":s| cers, and was asked: ^ "Did you not know that military die- cipline forbids you to speak disrespect­ fully of an officer?" And again was heard tfeat drawl: .• "Was that an officer?" And now it was the officers* turn tb roar, and Cyp was dismissed without punishment or reprimand. It is added that the officer was Benjamin Franklin Butler.--Oxford, Me., Democrat ' Billy, William and Will. Haven't you always noticed that men who are called "Billy" are generally pretty good sort of fellows, open handed, generous, and light-hearted? If a man is called William, he is generally one who gets little enjoyment out of life. "Will" is usually heard when we are speaking to or of a fellow who is as steady as one of the pillars that uphold the Parthenon.--New York Truth. •j- •-M THE cares, which are the keys of riches, hang often so heavy at the rich man's girdle that they clr,g him with weary days and restless nighty when others sleep quietly. ,v/', i