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fgxm4 V , . f c • 1 ^ , ^ k S \ CLUB. Sutnrear UeMm, IIECTTBE HO. 1. ^hen tie meeting bad bew duly Brother Gardner announced thifc the Honorable Sealpilns&s John- 8on,better known as "The Black Mag- a®t of Tennessee," was in tbe ante- Utoom. He had been three months *rorkitig his way up from Tennessee to Speak beforo the club, and, so far as Mil At d« iliisnoss emulate* de consan­ guinity of de concordance." After the terrific applause had sub- aided and the dust settled down Brother Gardner arose and said: "I--1 can't 'zactly make it all out, but I guess he hit the mark pnrty close. Lotus go hum.'*--Detroit. Free Press, Betting on a Mountain Lion. The recent attempt of Texas men to get up a light between two bulldogs and a puma reminds me of a queer t>ro- ceeding in our did mining camp in liad been observed during the two days j Nevada. There were plenty of xuoun- fce had been in town, he was a quiet, j tain lioas prowling arouud in those laodeat man, with a very slim appetite j days, and one off day we built a dead- for a great orator. The subject of his ! in hopes to make a capture. The addreiss was: "How did dis yere world j "fall" was a heavy log, which was in- eit yere?" and there were grounds for j tended to break the liou'a bxck, but one Relieving that it would prove both in-{"Bight a varmint was caught in such a tjtructive and interesting. I way that he was simply held down and When the honorable was brought in ! n°t a bit injured. He was full-grown •,-ljy the committee it was seen that he ! aud as savage as a meat axe, and we kid the build and demeanor of a great J bad an awful time getting him down to philosopher. He toed in a bit as lie camp and caged up. We calculated on talked, but he wan very perpendicular selling liimtfor a good, round sum. but in his carriage, and there was no que-.- S after about a week along came a mau tpon but what he felt right at home in j with the meanest-looking cur dog at the presence of an audience. He was f his heels you erer saw. The animal out at the elbows, and there was an off- j was gannt, wild-eyed, homely, and oolor patch on one knee, but there is 110 j awkward, and he didn't weigh over law 111 this country to compel a philoso- j twelve pounds at the most. The man pher to wear store clothes. He moved j heard about our lion, and after looking With easy grace to the platform, put a ; him over he said: small lump of rock bait in hia mouth and quietly began: 'te • * My frens, is dar one among you who •Ter stopped to think dat dis world was not always yere! Probably not. You hev gone fussin' around widout thought or care whether dis globe on which we hev de honor to reside is one thousand or one millyun v'ars old. [Sensation. J Did you eber sot down on de back steps in de twilight an' ax yerself how dis world cum to bo yere ^nyhow ? How was it made? How long did it take? How did de makin'begin? No, none of ye hev. Ye hev put in yer time shoo tin' craps, playin' policy, spottin' off hen-houses an' sleepin' in de shade, an* ye are a pack of pore, ignorant crit- , tors in consekence. [Signs of -indigna­ tion throughout the hall.] i. "My frens," continued the speaker, "wlmt occupied dis yere world took its place ?,; doubt believe ter--a Others plain, melons befo' de of ve no y of wa- wliales. is a vast water- round. [Yum! 3-uni!] HHPHn mistaken. It was simply gocetoess -- emptiness -- nuffin- ness--apace. It was de same emptiness dat you see when you look skyward. [Smiles of incredulity.] De space at present occupied by <li« world could hev once bin bought for au' ole dun-cuil'd mewl wid his teef gone, an' it would Itev bin a dear bargain at dat De reasou it wasn't sold was bekase dar •was nobody yere to buy it-- 110b dy to git up a boom. [Sighs of regret.] _ The speaker here paused to take a wp of water and renew his rock-salt, and then haid: "How did dis world git a start? Some of you may hev wondered about |t, but it is mo' likely dat you has dun let it go, an' paid no 'teushun to de matter. In de fust place de Lawd had to find de space. You can't build a cabin till vuu git de snace to bniid <>n. [Sensation.] Dar had to be a space to .put de world in. De atmosphere had to be shoved aside to make a big hole, an' when de hole was dar de world com­ menced to make. You hev read dat eberything was created in six days. Mighty long day a dose were. I has ^-4iggwed on- it a good many times, an' - I'ze teliin' ye dat it took thousauds of v'ars. [Agitation.] Dar was a power­ ful lot o' periods to go frew wid befo' thiugs cum out ship-shape. Dar was de chaotic period--a time when ebery- thiner was wrong hide up an' inside out. Flame i was a-rollin' -- de oceans a-heavin', mountains risin' up to sink away agiu, an' dar was no teliin' who would cum out on top. Dat period lasted'for ten thousand y'ars, an' it was .'.' a. good thing we wasn't around, j ("Hear!" "Hear!"] "De nex' period was de passle period ^ --a time when eberything was passled out accordin' to common sense. De oceans war giben boundaries--de ribers war' giben beds--de mountains war' distributed around to give moas' ebery- body some side-hill, an' dar was a gin- eral pickin' ober and sortin'out to make a good appearance. Dis period lasted about 10,000 y'ars, an' you didn't lose nuffin' by bein' out of town. De nex' period is known as de Cool in' off period. Eberything had bin red hot fur 20,001) , y'ars, an' it took a heap o' time before 5 dey got cool 'nuff to handle. When dev did we had a surface composed of water an' sich. Fur thousands of y'ars dar wasn't 'nuff sile fur a grasshopper to scratch in, nor 'nuff grass to make a gfeen streak on a white pair o' panto." [Yells of delight] "My frens," continued the speaker as he emptied the water pitcher, "dar' war' odder periods--de ice period, de drift period, de dirt period, de grass period--und finally all was ready an' waitin' fur de man period. De world had been created an' was all right. Birds were flyin' around, chickens roosted so low dat you could reach up an' pick 'em (applause) an' de boss an' ox an' cow stood waitin* to be milked. It was a beautiful scene. I can shut my eyes an' see it. If yd% could hev been right dar' at dat time you would hev busted yourselves on 'possom an' yams (awful whoops). De iattest kind o' pullets--de biggest sort o' 'possoms-- de heaviest yams au' de moas* gigantic watermellvons--all right dar' beggiu' of you to eat 'em up widout costin' a cent." Here the applause was so uproarious .that the speaker bad to pause for sev­ eral minutes. During this excitemcnt Elder Toots struck Antimony Johnson in the stomach with his knee, and Brother Johnson lay apparently lifeless for four Water bury minutes. "Den man an7 woman war' created," said the orator when' his voice cmid once more be heard, "an' thing: gone along bang-up eber since, I has bin pained an' grieved to ha'r dat sartin cull'd men hev contended dat de black man was bo'u fust. In fact, dat Adam was jist about my size a' complexun. [Applause.] Gem'len, doan' yon be­ lieve it. It hain't so. If it was so we'd be walkin' into barber shops kept by white men an' lavin' ourselves back fur a shave. We wouldn't hev dis fussy ha'r. We wouldn't be so literal in de size of de fut an' de length of de heel. > "We could pass a smoked ham hangin' in front of a grocery in de night widout *toppia' to look if de grocer war' in, [Awful sensation.] ^ "My frens, wid dese few homogenous disqitaiiiieations I bid you good night, as de lionr has grown late, an' I believe "Boys, here seems to be an opportun­ ity. I think my dog can lick your lion infide of live minutes!" You could have heard us laugh and yell a mile away, but the man pre-i served a very serious face and added: "Anybody kin holler, but monev talks. Gentlemen, I'll bet a hundred even up that my dog licks your lion! We jumped on to him awfully *~ under that pioposition, c«Tere& to make it $200 w faster. After the stak about fixing for the A POPPING ii d<§« .t. their number suggested c« She was a busy woman, getting ready j figure to the park and "maki to go away for tho summer, and time i or murder " "The idea was si was precious, but she must buy before the poor agonized forara she went, a pair of new corsets, "P. D., fronfthe chun size 22. She stepped into a large dry goods establishment on Washington street, and went to the corset counter. The ladies who were there to sell was from the church stepaaad borne the surrounding darkness with t)iat made a nervous old lady who' standing on the street comer shiver . 1., , » ,, , exclaim to her aged compani a 1 bosy> but Qne ®°n-1 "Ijandv t look at those boy« «tamen eluded to stop gossiping long enough to that poor man " ask what she wanted. I - * "A pair of corsets, please, P. D., Onwanl and l'pwtir<I. size 22," humbly answered the little One hundred years have elapsed woman, glad at last that her presence since the first and last census taken in had become known. I the United States. It is interesting and The saleslady languidly turned over i pertinent to glance at the interim. The the stock in iutervals of her continued gossip, and at last produced s#$* D. pair. "Yes, but that's size 23." £ "Well, we haven't got any 22 down here. Here, boy, go upstairs and get some P. D. corsets, sizes 21, 22 and 23, several cf each." The busy woman, after waiting for the boy until she nearly fell off the stool through weariness, went ovet'to first census--that of 1700--showed a total population in the thirteen States and the Territories on each side of the Ohio River, of 3.921,326. In the Northwest Territory the population was so small that no return was made. The great Central States of tl^e Virion had not even been explored. The census of the present year will show a popula­ tion approximating 70,000,000. The commercial progress of the th froi that it. Atf were si clothing door shw the bustle counter, the shirt counter country has been equally rapid. It has and the sack counter to while the time • step with the vast increase in pop- away, and by and by returned to the njation and the amazing growth of the a natural a circus tent enclose our lio for a c forked V fint ol as to Tar around seven miles Jv tbe use of iankets we got him chained him to a stake in the centre of this sink. My! but wasn't he ripping mad! He rolled over and over--he stood on end--he howled and screamed, and none of us would have gone within reach of him for a thousand dollars. The fight was set for Sunday, and there were 400 men there. At 9 $clock in the morning everything was ready, and the master of ceremonies an­ nounced : £ "Gentlemen, the bet is that this 'ere dog licks that 'ere lion in live miuits." The owner of the dog advanced with the canine under his arm. and the liou screamed. The clog was flung at him, and then, wonderful to relate, the lion gave him one look and turr.ed tail. The dog ran him five times "arouud that rink, biting at his heels, and then, scared half to dea'.h, the big beast twisted his liead out of the collar, broke through the crowd, and dusted for the cedars. The dog run hini out of sight, and then came back as if nothing had happened. "Gentlemen, the dog.wins!" shouted the referee, and the stakes were handed over. We offered the man a hundred dol­ lars to explain how it was done, but he replied: "Icouldu't do it for a thousand, 'cause I don't know. All I know is that everything gets out of his way." And not one of us could ever feel satisfied as to jvliy. that, raging old JLiou. turned coward the Avay he did.--2Tf 5T. Sun. Tftn When Mr. Dinklemau returned from a business trip the other morning he found Jakey with tears streaming down his cheeks. "Vot^is de matter, my son?" he asked. "All morning some examples I have been trying, und I can't got dem light I gif up de shob," and he arose sadly. "Oh," said his father impatiently, "try dem again. Get dem right." "I can't." . "Can't!" almost shrieked Dinklemau. "My poy, dere is no such word as can't Ve can do everydings. Try dem again, und remember above all dot dere is no such word like can't" The old gentleman came into the store next morning smiliug like a man with a sure tip, and when he opened las mouth he said, "Shakev, dis is do time for our regular monthly bankrupt sale. The signs are out by de door now und de men are putting dem up. Get ready for a big rush of customers. I go upstairs now to change my clothes." When he had gone Jakey went out to take a look at the big sign which was to take up almost the entire width of the building. It read: * corset counter* "Has the boy come back yet?" "No, he has not" "When is rlie likely to return?" (meekly.) "When he is TMdjV* (toploft- lcally.)' . . .. \\ . , The afternoon wore away. The boy at last re:uriH <iith lour pair of corsets which he deposited on the counter, re­ marking that there was not any size 22 airs, and the saledaiy looked at ^sy woman With a glance in which h was strangely mingled ence. gasped tbe would-be customer, I wish I had kuown that a half an hour ago. i need not then have wasted all this time." Slowly, oh, so slowly, the dignified saleslady turned to the conntef, opened a box and disclosed a "P. D., size 22." "Wliv, did the boy bring that?" "No." "Did you have it here all the time?" "Yes." "But why did you not give it to me when you knew I was iu such a hurry ?" "We don't serve onr customers with electricity,*' remarked the saleslady as, with a crushing manner and aspect and tone sheturned away. She condescended, however, after a while, to come back and deliver the package and the change, after which she resumed her sadly interrupted gossip, while the busy woman made rapid transit out of the store.--Boston Herald. Great Bankrupt Sale! : •89,r03 worth of goo 1 s to be disposed of! We can't, give you a suit of clothes for : nothing and send thom home for you I : Stop in and see what we can do for you 1 ; "Veil," mused Jakey, when he had read the sign, "dot sign is wrongi Vadder says dere is no such vord as can't, so I mark out dot vord," and, like a diligent son, he straightway went and did it. The next moment the crowd began to flock into the store. Old Dinkleman rushed down stairs,^liis eyes sparkling satisfaction, "Ah, dot's business," he wlrispered to Jakey as he passed him. Then the trouble began. No pne was willing to pay for the suits. "Why, you're an old fraud," said one man. "You advertise to give clothes away for nothing and then send them home, and you don't do any such thing." "Dat.'s von lie," yelled the old man. "I don't advertise like dot." "Yes you da!" shrieked the mob. "Go over and look at the sign your­ self." Out he went. It was the truth. He made himself right with the crowd by treating them to Ludlow street cigars, has 1 Then he turned to Jakey: "Veil, vot dot is? Who monkey by dot sign ?" he asked. "Vadder, I cannot tell a He," an­ swered Jakey, whose name should have been George, "I done it with my little brnsli. You said dere is no vord like can't, so I mark it oat."--Npw , York Mercury. Our Literary Lioncuen. Penman--By the way, old man, who's that pretty little girl iu blue talking to Prof. Winterby? Quills--That's the author of the new book on the "Philosophy of the Un­ known. Penman--And who's. the old maid in spectacles? Quills--What! Don't you know her ? Why, she wrote the novel that every- Tho Naval Fight of the Fntare. Each vessel, says Lieut Bradley A. Fiske, in the May Forum, will "clear for action as soon as the other is dis­ cerned. perhaps five miles away. Each will piobablv slow down at first, in order to gain time for preparation, and especially for getting the steam pres­ sure up to the highest point. Forced draft will at once be started, and the subdued roar of the air driveu through the furnaces, to accelerate combustiou, and the whir of the dynamos will be added to the clang of the gunbreach blocks, as they are swung open to admit the projectile to the breach, the hum of the ammunition- hoists ruising powder and shell to the decks, and the quiet, firm orders of authority. On deck the gatling guns and revolv­ ing cannon aud the rapid-tire guns in the tops are got noiselessly into readi- . ness; the Captain takes his place iu the armored conning tower with the chief quartermaster and his aid; the executive officer assumes charge of the battery, and remains near at hand to take the Captain's pi ace in case of hia death or disability; the range finders are got in position, and the officer in charge be­ gins to repetrt from time to time the distance of the enemy, now drawing closer. Probably not a shot will be fired until this distance is reduced to 2,000 yards, and probably both ships will " keep pointed 10ward each other until that time. Bujk now what will the contest­ ants do? /It has been held that both will advance steadily toward each other --each commander hoping that some false move on the part of his adversary will enable him to rush forward, dis­ charge his bow torpedo at 508 yards, and perhaps follow it up with his ram and end the fight at once--until they have approached so close, say 500 yards, that niether dare to swerve lest he him­ self be rammed; so that the ships will at length collide eud on, aud may both Bink! The various inventions of the past few years--rapid-firing guns, high ex­ plosives, torpedoes, submarine boats, dynamite guns, and range finders; the increased power and perfection of steam and electric machinery; the improve­ ments in powder and in steel for pro­ jectiles and for armor--have not revo­ lutionized naval science so much they have broadened it The pies of strategy remain the same* and so does the necessity for the seaman's skill. Engineers construct, inveutors invent, exi eriaient are tried, sham bat­ tles are fought, and heated discussions agitate the naval mind; but the only thing that can determine the real con­ dition of modern naval warfare' is a modern naval war. Sympathy Tlirowu Away. It is seldom that the New York street nrchin fails to get amusement out of anything where he sees the chance. Some youngsters saw an opportunity recently iu the union of the following elements: A pair of trousers, an old jacket and vest, a hat and some straw. The straw was put inr the other ele­ ments, and the whole, when completed, made a very fair specime-i of the genus "tramp." The boys carried the figure around to a neighboring church, and placed it in a position which was skill- i fully intended to give the impression to cities. At the birth of the nation the manufacturing interests were of little imi>crtance; but since then there has been an amazing expansion in every de­ partment, of iudustry. Bailroad development has kept pace with the iucrease of population and ex­ pansion of commerce. The first line constructed in the United States wan the Quincy llailroad, in 1826. The second was the Mauch Chunk Railroad, in Pennsylvania, iu 1827. The rapid growth of the railroad system of the with country 'since that time presents a striking evidence of the activity and enterprise of the people and the civil progress of the nation. The number of .miles of railroad now in operation is about 125,000. " The first line of telegraph was erected in 184-4, between Washington and Balti­ more, From this small beginning a vast system of telegraphic lines has been constructed, by means of which all the great centers of trade and popu­ lation in the world have been brought into instantaneous communication. The entire country is in the full swing of progressive developement and it is destined to accomplish still more wonderful results md achieve still greater triumphs in the future. Testing Stiver l>ollarx. From every fresh lot of silver dollars made a few are sent to the government assayer at Washington for testing. Weighing is but a matter of scales, but it is decreed that the dollar, for in­ stance, must be exactly nine-tenths sil* ver, the remaining tenth being copper, and a variation of not more than one and one-lialf grains in the quantity of the noble metal is allowed. First, the silver dollar has to bo rolled out thin in a machine, because when the coin is made the silver iii it has a tendency to go toward the middle, so that the metal on the outside is not so fine as within. But the aesayer must discover the average fineness of the piece in order to ascertain just how much silver there is altogether in it, and he does this in a very curious way. He passes the thin strip of metal into which the dollar hois been rolled through a little contrivance operated joy a crank that is turned by the hand. The strip conies out punched as full of holes as it can be, while hundreds of small circular disks about the size of a gold quarter fall out of the holes thus made into a tiuy box b«£f»w. JSext the disks are taken out of the drawer and mixed up; a few of them are taken from the lot and they, representing the aver­ age of silver, are subjected to chemical analvsis. Could Well .4ffitrd to Pay. Gns de Smitli--Have there been no cases of poisoning by ice cream this sea­ son ? City Editor--Not that I know ©f. Gus de Smith--Well, if you see any such case3 please republish them iu your local coiumn with a few editorial comments stating that the victims died in great agony. You see I am very popular with the young ladies, and a few impressive warnings of that kind in your paper would save meljyj much money during the season that I ooiild afford to pay you an occasional five t|ol lars in actual cash. *4Te in m Flat. J\ DM von ever try it? If uut, you have missed a wonderful opportunity to devel­ op Joi«ingenuity. We ar» nine In fami- ud have juat moved out of apart- ta- On the ineoncl story dt a very house. I think tbe architect who the building must have done it eye. Its whols width accom- tha width of an apartment of ize, BO, instead of the rooms oft' from one another in their venient fashion, they had cession in Indian file from ^ntfon to the coal-house. If ;e kitchen yon had to RO in in order to get to the u couldn't wander about ould only go through i©d-room closets, they hat when tilled with possible lo keep the !n passinc, one had an in­ voluntary vlew.of one's entire wardrobe-- such portion of it as was not lying on sofas or chairs. ' For want of space we dressed all overl'he flat, and any enter­ prising man, by simply walking through it in the dead of ni«ht, could have fallen over enough wearing apparel to have set him up in the clothing business. There was some inconvenience in tbis predominance of dressing-rooms, es­ pecially if any one called in the daytime before our toilets were complete or m the night time after any of us had retired. We never heard the outside front door bell ring but its sound smote us with terror. One of the most painful results of lnrge families living in small flats is the folding bed. rJ hey lean against the wall, trying to look like a bookcase or a cabinet orpan, but I can alwavs tell them. When I see a piece of furniture looming up like a monument factory, with a kind of a nothing-in-particular air about it, then I know it is a bed in disguise. Our parlor was situsted abont midway down the line of rooms BO as to connect with the front stairs. Two of us girls bad a folding bed in there. We used to arrange vases and photograph holders upon it during the daytime in our endeavors to conceal its identity. Every other room except tbe dining-room and culinary de­ partment was the Btation for a bed, and when we had compauv to stay all night we used to spread canvas cots in the back hall. I ueeu to hum a sweet little song about "O! put me in my little cot, moth­ er!" but, since affording accommodations for my visiting relatives by spending a few nights out in the back hall on a bier, with a tent roof for H tick, I have re­ frained from petitioning my mother to do any such thing. Owing to the marriage of several of my sisters and the raising of the salaries of several of mv brothers, we have fallen into the position Where it seems incumbent upon us to live in the style which our income demands, and wo have concluded to rent an entire house. From my long experience in flats I know that the ringing of a doorbell will always strike terror to my soul, and that I shall never entertain company without glancing uneasily at the sofa to see if any article of personal wear is reposing there. A Tried Remedy for BlIlouanenH. Those who Buffer from disorder or inaetirm of the liver will never get the upper hand of the unruly organ so long as they use such lrratioual remedies »a blue pills, calomel, aud podophyl- Un. But from the tried and popular medicine, Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, they may expect relief with a certainty of obtaining it. The in­ fluence of the Bitters upon tho great biliary gland is direct, powerful und Bpeedily felt. The relief afforded ia not spasmodic, but complete and permanent. The sallowness of tho skin, funed appearance of the tongue, indigestion, costivenuss, headache, nauHea, pains through the right aide and shoulder, in fact every ac­ companiment of the obstinate complaint,are en­ tirely and promptly removed by a course of this inestimable medicine, in behalf of which testi­ mony is constantly emanating from ever quar­ ter, and from all classes of society. SOTjOMON LEVINE hns brought suit against Health Inspector Max Levy, of Brooklyn, to recover $100 which he al­ leges is due him as a marriage broker for having negotiated the union of Dr. Levy and Miss Lillian Marks, tbe daughter of a New lork merchant, nud who has a large fortune in her own right. They were married iu the Lexington Avenue Oper.i House, in New York, on May 8. Dr. Levy* states thst he offered Levine $7 to bring about an introduction which should result in a marriage, but that Le­ vine refused this, and the negotiation between them ended there and was never resumed. Levine claims that his services were worth $100, and that it was under* stood He should receive that sum. "Hiss ClartJm^V the young »««, "it becomes nee99|Rta: me to speak to yo& upon a RubiCet itffech deeply concerns us both. I wiilfintifpk you to recall to mind the last evening:I was here. We parted, if you Mil fMember, upon the steps. As I prveedeft slowly across the lawn the full mom Came from behind a cloud and enveloped me in & flood of mellow glory. Suddenly, Miss Clara, it seemed to me without a note of waning, I was overwhelmed--*--* "One moment. Mr. Smithers," inter­ rupted the beantiful girl, ;>s she stuck in an extra hairpin and turned down the gas three-quarters of an inch. Then draw­ ing her chair still closer, she Indicated by a wave of the hand that he could pro­ ceed. "I was abont to observe, Miss Clara," continued the ?oong man, "tbat I was overwhelmed by the onslaught at your father's dog Grip, who ate up three weeks of my salary in half a minute, and unless yonr pa antes up for that suit there is going to be war." "Say no more, Mr. Smithers," replied the young lady, rising slowly and pain­ fully from the JenneBs-Miller position that she had assumed but a (moment be­ fore and pointing to the door. "Go. I will have pa send you a check for f9 by the first mail."--Clothier and Furnisher. The Abbo's Strong; Wine. An amusing story comes to hand from a Village not fur from the town of Beaune,. in the sunny province of Hurgundy. The favorite pastor of.the parish was a round, jovial-fneed little Abbe, who enjoyed a good frlass of wine: and so. as a snrprise, the villagers, who were mostly small vin- taee owners, agreed to give him a pleas­ ant surprise by filling a wine tun that was lying empty in his back yard and pre­ senting it to him on his birthday. Each mnn was to bring his share of wine, snd pour it into the cask quietly at night. The next morning the cask WQB decora­ ted with wreaths and flowers. All the friends assembled, and the leader pre­ sented the full decorated cask of red wine, good, sound Burgundv, though of no special bmnd, to the delighted Abbe. Glasses were brought, and with cries of "Vive M'sieu l'Abbe!" all stood ronnd to drink his health; his old housekeeper turned the tap and drew out the first piiss; but, miracle of miracles, the wine had become pure white water! Each cunning peasant had thought his share of water would not be noticed among the other wine, but their unanimity bad worked a miracle by no means acceptable to "M'sieu l'Abbe."--Court Journal. T1H» "Mother's Friend" Not ouly shortens labor and lessens pain attending it but greatly diminishes the danger to life of both mother nnd child used a few months be! ore conllnemen Write to The Bradfleld Regulator Co.. A4 lanta. Cut., tor further particulars, bold b; all druggists. THEY have a curious custom at the burial of unmarried women in Brazil. The coffin, hearse, and the livery of the driver must be bright scarlet, the four white horses drawing the hearse must be covered with scarlet nets and scarlet plumes must deck tho horses' heads. AXT man that puts an article in reach of orertcorked women to lighten her labor Is certainly a henejactor. Cragin & Co. surely come under this hmtd in making Bobbins' Electric fcoup so cheap that all can use it. "WHAT causes you to borrow trouble so much, Jim*" *The inability to bor­ row anything else."--Boston Courier. deluded catarrh in told that it you believe is--no matter how bad or of' _ long standing. It has been don#! for thousands--by Dr. Sage's Ca^ tarrh Remedy. Other so-eaU«d£' remedies may palliate for a tsats$» this cures for all time. By its: •***" soothing, cleansing and _ properties, it conquers th© wora& cases. Its makers offer, in goe^K faith, a reward of $500 for a case? . ofi catarrh which they cannot caret- They are able to pay it. Are yoat able to take it? The symptoms "of catarrh are^ headache, obstruction of nose, dish ; charges falling into throat, some- ? times profuse, watery, and acrid, at, others, thick, tenacious, mucous^ purulent, bloody, putrid and sive; eye# weak, ringing in earsJ ' deafness; offensive breath; smell and taste impaired, and general' debility. Only a few of thesatK> symptoms likely to be present aft once. Thousands of cases terms* nate in Consumption and end in th* - grave, without ever having man& ^ rested all these symptoms. Div Sage's Remedy cures the worst 50 cents, by druggists. Tho Soft Glow of Tht (•Acq Ladle* Who UM Hi!S SM1. I'L41*S FMSKtt'TSB V* UI. Ciruill*' showiti* who oatitWaentriEE. oewfnl.Otherwise no «•. ittaw, in., a erv tTm< AMR TJUS PAPER. WASTING away, growing thinner every day. Poor child. You need Dr. Bull's Worm Destroyers, and you would soon grow fat and hearty. Mamma, get ber some. "WHAT kind of a vessel is an ooean grey hound?" *A bark, most likely." Botiton Cour' Courier. FOB a disordered PmiA liver try BEECHAH'S A Difficult Task. Editor--Mr. Scribbler, I wish you would get up a little department head­ ed "Children's Sayings" and fill it full of the brightest little mots yon can pick up. Mr. Scribbler--Very sorry, sir, but my children are all away on a visit and-- "Then collect the bright things you hear said by other people's children." "I--I never hear other iieopl^a children say anything worth printing.* --Good Xeivx. as princi I has satisfied you of d^qundness of ; b dj i< talking about-"Geraldine, or ? °J ihr l^\fnr j the Confessions of a Y6ung OirL»-yonrselve*. Animadvert on ije dia- phrag 111 doorin* your hours of leisure, j ^ L i Doan accept things as yon find them, 1 ATLAS held up the world. It is not but iaquar of yourselves why de thus- j stated how much he got out of the job. Not Much of a Job. "Why, lielloa, Hill," said am an stop­ ping au acquaintance on the Btreet. " What are you doing "Nothing at all." "Have you beeu out of Wttfe .fVfr since I saw you ?** "Yes." "What, haven't worked at all "Let me see. Oh, yes, I took the census of St. Loui-<. but that didn't amount to anything." -- Arkansaw Traveler. t Pat'* Wetting. The proprietor of a sliooting-box in the west of Ireland, having been driven home in a regular downpour, and per­ ceiving that his Jehu was almost in rags, sympathetically said: "Pat, my poor fellow, you must be wet through aud (hrough!" "Faith, then, no, your honor," repled Pat. "I'm wet only to the skin; but, please goodness, I'll be wet inside as soon as your honor can get out the spirits!"--Xew York Ledger. llie Voting idea. Fannied mamma is a great hand to borrow of her next door neighbor. One day Fannie went into the neighbor's for a visit, but found them all ready to go away to stay a week. "Is '00 all doin' at once?" •, "Yes, baby and all." vf • "Why," she said, in an aggrieved' tone, "how tan 00'? My mamma will want to bor' "tings."--Detroit Free Frens. ~ ^ WMIKBVK. Aomin, Little Dot--Oli, mamma, iho organ grinder's monkey is at the window, an' he has a litle round box in his hand. Mamma--Well, my pet, what do yon think he wants ? Little Dot (after a glance at the organ-grinder)--I dese he wants to bor­ row some soap.--New York Weekly. "How do you reckon families aver- ago in this country V" asked a woman of the census jgttaM^or. "Five and a or less forcibly understood by those whaj email frac{|^^^^HN as the reply. "I «_ xii Uee; and i vthe small frao- The urchins kept it op until one of I tion over E. A. ROOD, Toledo, Ohio, says: "Hall's Ca­ tarrh Cure cured my wife at catarrh fifteen years a«o, and she has had no re(urn of it. It's a sure cure." hold by Druggists, 75a THE greatest marvel in telegraphy is said to be ihe synchronous multiplex, an instrument bv meaus of which six mes­ sages can be transmitted upon one wire, either all from one station or in oppo site directions. A C HANO E of climb it--Putting stairs in the elevator shaft.--Mrrehant Traveler. "WXEBE dirt gathers, waste rules." Great saying results from the use of SAPOLIO. 11 1* 80^ ca^e o' 8courin|f boup used for all cleaning purposes except tho laundry. BEST, easiest to use and cheapest. Piso's Remedy for Catarrh. By druggists. 60c. Physiciansrecommcnd "Tansill's Punch."* Habit. The only rertaMi and easy cure. Dr. J. STEPHEN*. Lfhanon. Ohio, TR.:* LIIR.* CMIH PAJ'TIK WMAN WFTMM IO IVTIINMU, UKKMAN & MONEV, Washington. I). C. l'ATENT. I'KNslO.N, Cl.AIM AMD L.AN1) ATTOBNKYS. H. 1). Money; IO yeara member of CougresK A. A. Freeman, 8 years Ass't U. !S. Atfy Oen. LADIES ON FINE CKOCHE T LACE. Steady, profitable work. Send Ham- . Pie of Work. Aildre»>H('nncHyn I,ACK toANUFAfrriiijiu Co., 12t W. 87tli at.. New York Citv. NEW LAW. JM0.000 soldiers, widows and relatives entitled. Blanks an'1 lustm, <ion luee. OPIUM _ U F WANTED l E N i l Q N S rApply at ouce. BUnfci Att'ya, WaHliiiiKiou, 1)»C« Summer Weakness Lose of Appetite, Sick Headacher%>^#i.i' Quickly Cured Hood's Sarsapajilla KIDPER'8 PA8nilE8.f£!'S.^™t- PMIISL l|ENSIONw™bi"i£",,,E.,£ ; B 3 y rain war, 1 ad j'»> vL ia1, u: ;* c Liiiiia, atty giucft. peniiionsand time " W M . F I T C H & C O . , 108 Corcoran Building, Washington. D.C, ' PENSION ATTORNEYS of over 14fiyem' experience. Successfullyprosectrtfc " ~ ^ * all kinds In chortest ooasibaw NLKSS SUCCESSFUL,. ~ PENSION BILL. r rmi to ai» 'Idiers and bailor* of that tHlfd from ' icninK a sup- itliont rtKaru tocanaeaf! aud Minor CluIdrM alaor >erieure Ket«reDcM lai charge if iiusucceMCOU blanks, and full 1»4 IcAt l.ZSTi K « COW Co.). 1*. O. Box 71S* ban he honorably part. Wid death. De Interested au iiartK ot t Write at once ktructloDB. A fUneoessore to Tlio Disability Kill is a law. soldiers disabled ala the war are entitled. Dejieua %nt vrldovi'H and pmi now dependent whose non* ft "d trom elSaetB of ar service are included. It you; l-tiaftnrclalro * lly and Kuoceasl'ully prosr- •ruted. address Late Commissioner of P Thousands UNTITLED under the NEW AOT. Writ - immediately tor BLANK > for ai>j)tica- CO.,WuHliitiKt<>ii. D.C. LE The ntronoett and purest mode. Will make the It Perfumed HABT> SOAP in tvfeiity iuuteg without boiUntj. It ta b«st for disinfecting alulul olosets, drains, 'washing bottittL*, barrels, paints, etc. PENNA. SALT MANUF'G. Gen. Apt*., Phila., Pa. 8 Fwrrx UOUBAJDD'S O CRE AM, OK MAOJ.CAX. BEAl l '•etiiu. <1 :*kn tood the test •****» u4 it harttitat »ur* tthfwep- trly made. ACMBI cottatofeU dmtUr L- A. MAVRTTM? l*<iv tbe ?ou Jndla* vfll wm hem, t GouraadH Ownij* „ „ _ , v ^ ofa>) tlMiSkltt I For M!< by all Drugfirt# »cd Floev 4*oe4» T th* U. 5., Can«ui»«. and Eni-op*. FEED. T. HOPKINS, 1'rop'r, 8? (hut Jones St. H. ijjT ELECTRIC PATENTED Auc. 16, 1887, 3 PENSIONS passers-by of a feliow-being in agony. Then they liitl to watch developments, says the New Ybrk Times. A ladvand gentlemau passed the church, "Oh, look at that )«>or fellow. John! He seems to be ill," remarked the lady. The small boys didn't say anything, but kept their eyes on "John." "John," who was a courtly cavalier ox the olden days, benevolently went upandtouched the figure, Baviug, "What's the matter with you, my man ?" He did not wait to get an answer, but left suddenly, and his departure was punctuated by various cat calls and scoffing remarks. Many persons passed the figure, and many, overcome by emotions of pity, went up and spoke words of kind en­ couragement to it. patted it on the shoulder, shook it, and theu went away quickly, accompanied by cries of "Git de ambulance fur de man, boss! Call der cop! He's McGinty's brother, boss!" and various other expressions of Amer­ icanized Anglo-Saxon that were more montb by harmless hcrl i remedies. No staj-viug, no _ ^ 'inconvenience. Confiuenfr * 6c. for circulars and tcHtinvniaU, Address, DU. O. W. F. SNYDER, £43 St., l&kafo, Ul» thi« pappr when yon write. O L D C L J k M s Settled nudes' Sfliff "iljMr. Soldiers. Widows. Parents send for iilnnk ;n>- plicntiona and Information. Patrick O'Farrell, reunion Agent, Wanblnarton. I». C\ n C I J O i n M O ^ P E N S I Q N B i l l W End I UIlM Js Pissed, ers and Fathcrx ate en-•titled to CIS a mo. Fee 110 H lien you {ret your money, luiallks free. JOSKPH II. 1(1 ATKK, Atlt, nnskUgloa. 11. C. PENSIONS NEW LAW . _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ W o l i l i e r s . S a i l o r s . IBIIVIVIIW WKIOIVS »ud Chil­dren. No Ultttcul'ty in proving claim. No fee till you get IMliitloD. Advi.-e ami nlnnkw tree. Write btating case. J. C. IMiitAlOJUY, At'ty at I aw, WASHINGTON, D. C. NEW PENSION LAW. TMOI S.VSDS NOW KN'TIIXED WHO H.4VC NOT KEKN KNTITI.FI>. Addre.K8 for torms lor applleation and tall informiitioii * WM. W. DUDLEY, T.ATK COMMISSIONKK OF I'KNSIONS. Attorney at Law. WushiuictOll, 1>.C. (Mention thin 1'aper.) S-Stt'i.K CT-BW ^T.PxiEoraECTR,g DR. OWEN'S Also an Eleotrio TruM and Salt Scad 8e. iwatai* rorntn llluifi tijlfc.Hi tyou In plaits tealcd IfiVtatiom OWtN EU0TRI0 BELT * 306 North Broadwa 823 Broadway. N i &OXK* or tht* Q.U.IN'U Ama We have many y kIT* fiicti IX. B. DYC*E A CO. Chic**o, 111. Sl.OO. Sold by l)ruKri««. Sn, 31-90 KRDMLYKYTTO uti»- C. N. U T*THEN WRITING TO AjDVEKTlSKRS, "*w ^Tertfaf^5. OPTO " Both the method and results whan Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant and refreshing to the teste, and acta gently yet promptly on the Kidneyi, Liver and Bowels, cleanses the sys­ tem effectually, dispels colds, head* aches and fevers and cures habitual constipation. Syrup of Figs is the only remedy of its kind ever pro­ duced, pleasing to the taste and ao- piSO M KEMEDY FOlt CATAKiUL--Best. Easiest to DM. -L Cheapest. Kelief Is immediate. A cure is wrtaiw VQT Cold in the Head it has no equai Ointment, of wWcli^a small particle is applied to the raall. nostrils. Price, 50c. Sold by drugpists or sent by mai Address, E. T. HAZKLIINK, WI Warren. Fi ,-s-r ceptable to the stomach, prompt in its action and truly beneficial in its effects, prepared only from the most healthy and agreeable substances, its many excellent qualities com­ mend it to all and have made & the most popular remedy known. Syrup or Figs is for sale in 50o and f 1 bottles by all leading drug­ gists. Any reliable druggist who may not have it on hand will pro­ cure it promptly for any one who wishes to try it. Do not accept any substitute. CALIFORNIA F1S SYfiUP CO. 9M nuunoao, CAL. \ lemmu. *r. mew tout, ».r. k. * 1 . we like Sa<pojro.-They washe themselves TO m&ke>he world £righher. SAPOLIO is the |%lectTic:Iljghh ofhouse-clea,nin^ rMk~ THE OLD RUT '"MP' fe- and old methods are not the easiest by far. Many people travel AMI because they have not tried the better way. It is a relief from a sort of slavery to break away from old-fashioned methods and adopt the labor-saving and strength-sparing inventions of modern times. Get out of old ruts and into new mys by wing a cake ol SAPOLIO ia JW house-cleaning. 'V; V; •- 5 rT XV.,. .J J - . -j-? ~ ^ w ) ... .. .C, >'jS .< A '•S9i