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rg mmiwltt VAN SLTfll. Editor and PNMisher CHENBY, - <• LUK WLi, BY FRANCIS >Wt«t tlM tempest comos the oaJm; :• After tb« woe the hoalinff Wlta ; .^After th*> shower the brjijhi Hunntain<| i> ieldi u After h*.»d toil the ; y mine; After the planting tbe tender shoot;' Vg;iAft»r the growing the harvest fruit; 4c '|'<fAtter mad folly reflection deep; %i i -After long watching the blessed aleep.. <t , fcir' ISO runs tho mixture of sobbing ami aMNf * ?L\' •» chokers this life an burrr tUongf * f. ISO runs the record < f good and of ill-- ,' tio tnna the story of weakness and will, af: ^'JBat when 'tis viowed in philosophy 'a light. ' JL^ '%ffi16 grand sum is perfect--the average Tight; ^ * end comes at last, and our joy® and our t" iAro ended alike in eternal repose. ii' , *~N«w York Weekly. woman of resource, and she sat down with her head between her hands to oonsider what she should do. An MM struck her. She wonld empty oat the hair dye and substitute some­ thing else in its place. She remem­ bered that she had in the cupboard, in her own room, a large pint bottle of blue ink. Scarcely stopping to think she stole cut of the room, and brought it back with her. Her nex1 proceeding was to empty the l>ott;e of hair dye out of the window, and fill it instead with blue ink. "There," said she, when this was ac­ complished. "I don't believe Mr. Jen AN OPEN SESAME. AnM«M far Ugliness Jioit OflkpM<v» A veritable serag of a man, keen, angular, diminutive, wa# the first to jump oft a Fifth avenue 'bus And enter the Windsor HoteL He had no chest to speak of; his feature* were thin as a razor blade, perky; a growth of coarse, black beard concealed the outlirea of face and mouth, and his eyebrows were ! strikingly ili-tavored individual Gustav Dare could not have imagined. Neatly dressed though, in a suit of sjtiperfine broadcloth, linen of dazzling white* kins will improve his appearance much j ness, and at his neck a loosely tied bow ------ of pale blue silk, hold in place by a „„._L her f*.ee almost buried ytw tilftwlUlion across her knees, she kMllo-eren hear the jingle of tt^eoin thatii dropped into the tin cup b«0r4 liar. Alone in the fctroet, with­ out the slightest prospect of a friendly nod or* kindly greeting, she plays-- "Home, Sweet Home." One a»ks himself how'ehe live*, and when he figure-* it ont that during the day fifty people would be likely to give of the nature of stubble. A more her chilis, averaging not less than ten i* , Sa? V' .i BACHELOR'S TRIALS. ,1 Tale «r Lore ami Hair*%|V CriS.V; BY CAROLINK r. PKKSTOJi. ' . Paul Jenkins would have been a , Jhftppy man but for a single circum­ stance. The circumstauce was the per- Verse determination of his hair to turn csgray, when he would decidedly have w?|>r«f«rred to have it regain its original i^olor, a glossy black. This it was that ; ifcmbittered his existence, in spite of bis jjjjfood health, good income and pros* §>erity iu other respects. This it was, pe Mr. Jenkins conjectured, which titood in the way of acceptance by 80- {hronia Jones, with whom he fancied imself wildly in love. Mr. Jenkins felt that he had not ar- by the use ef this." Her conscience reproached her some- what with what she had done, but she felt that desperate emergencies required desperate remedies, as this certainly was. Mr. Jenkins, meanwhile, had oon- cluded not to make immediate use of his hair dye, but to defer it till the next Thursday evening, when he had re­ ceived au invitation to attend a party at the houB«t of Squire Jones, the father of his beloved Sophronia. He felt that the unexpected youthiulness of his appearance 011 that occasion would be decidedly in his favor. As might naturally be expected he longed to have the time come, but time will not hasten his flight, even for im­ patient lovers. He is much more likely to retard it. Immediately after tea on Thursday afternoon Mr. Jenkins went up to his room, locked the door, took his bottle of hair dye from the drawer, and proceeded to use it. He had only a faint candle to assist him in his task, and this prevented his discovering the deception which had been practiced upon him. In fact, in the dim light, the mixturo looked dark and he sup- g --. --7- : 1 posed it was all right. After rubbing fived at an age which justified his gray 1 in whttt he supposed would be sufficient only just passed his | for the first application, and I may re-flairs. He had _ _ fcrtieth birthday. However, it was a j mark that upon this point he certainly family peculiarity, and he must submit j did not exhibit any remarkable economy, W • •. to it with the best grace that he could '; muster. i"-' But all at once light dawned on his gloomy dissatisfaction. On one of his quarterly visits to the city, for the pur­ pose of receiving his bank dividends, liis attention was called to a placard < Upon a wall, wherein the merits of Hig- jginbo tarn's celebrated hair-dye were \ «et forth in large capitals. " * "That will be just the thing for me," - -thought our friend Paul. "I don't think it's at all out of the way to call in «rt to the assistance of Nature, when STature don't do as well by you as she •night be reasonably expected to. ^there's no reason why such a good- looking young fellow as lam--n (I toeg tbe reader to observe that gentle­ men are much more subject to vanity than ladies although I know that some prejudiced persons hold a different ojMiiion.) "There's no reason why such * good-looking fellow as I am," con­ tinued Mr, Jenkins, "shou'd wear the livery of old age." Mr. Paul Jenkins accordingly de- . «ded to procure a bottle of the mix­ 's '•lire. Proceeding to the store where it Was to be procured, he went in and in- quired in a low tone for Higgiobotam's celebrated hair-dye. While the clerk was wrapping up the bottle, lie assured 4he delighted customer that it was de «idediy the best thing of the kind in the market, and would make hi a look . at least ten years younger. "Sophronia Jones shall be mine," said Jenkins exultingly, as he pushed bottle into his overcoat pocket and his way to the railroad station, anxious to be at home in test the wonderful cBects of ^celebrated hair dye. The ride over and the village reached, Mr. Jenkins rapidly took liis way to the residence of • Mrs. Selina Wiggin, where he boarded. JHe seemed in unusual spirits, which led Mrs. Wiggin to imagine that the banks had paid a larger dividend than mual, but bow little could she guess that the little bottle which she could aee protruding front his pocket was the aole canse of his gocd spirits. If she liad known that by the help of this he expected to win the hand of Sophronia Jones her own spirit^ would have been "visibly affected, since she would have been very sorry to lose so profitable and desirable a boarder as Mr. Jenkins had proved to be for the last ten years, aiming all of which he had been an in­ mate of her establishment. There had t»een a time indeed when ; iribe had hoped that he would become something nearer than a boarder, but that hope Mrs. Wiggin had about given *ip, finding that he had never seemed 40 notice the glances of affection which «he threw over to him across the table. Her chief desire now was to keep him unmarried and so retain him as a boarder, since,.-if married, he wonld without much doul>t go to keeping y. Jkouse, and Mrs. Wiggin would lose a %y Wery important part of her income. ' Mrs. Wiggin did not fail to observe k the bottle which her boarder had 'I' brought home with him. She felt a ^ atrong curiosity to learn its contents, J, *nd decided at the very next oppor- {.unity that offered to do so. That op- iwrtunity was not long in coming. JEvery morning Mrs. Wiggin sent her s , servant in to get Mr. Jenkins' room to T..*, lights. But on the morning succeed- "lag his return from the city, she con- -eluded to take this duty upon herself, r "in order that she might thereby have a !?>•;"/ -chauce to find out the mystery which puzzled her. 1^; "Bridget," she said, as the latter was «bout to go up stairs on her morning * -errand, "you have more than usual to V | 'jUdo to-day. You can stay here and I ,< A; :fwill clear up Mr, Jenkins' room this f'V;" 'Swnorning." v.;. /V "Share, ma'am, and you are very ,V« "^Jkind," said Bridget, a little surprised this extraordinary and unexpected kindness on the part of her employer. .5w "I don't want you to do too much, Maaad Mrs. Wiggin. "I am not one of £' *Hhose people that are willing to work *% itheir 'help' to death." When Mrs. Wiggin entered the room •of her lodger, her first proceeding was to lock the door--probably in order 'that none of the dust might get out of the room into the entry. Having done 1 • ' *' • this, she laid down her broom, put on ^iier glasses, and began to look carefully Mr. Jenkins leisurely proceeded to dress himself in his most becoming attire. His toilet was somewhat protracted, and I should be afraid to tell you how many minutes he expended in adjusting his cravat. But the fact was that oui hero had made up his mind to make this evening the declaration which he had long contemplated, provided he could find a favorable opportunity. But there is an end to all things, and so there was an end to Mr. Jenkins' toilet. About 8 o'clock lje came down stairs, and merely opened the sitting- room door to say: *1 am going out to a party this even­ ing, Mrs. Wiggin, and shan't l>e at home very early. You need not sit no for me as you know I have a pass key." Mrs. Wiggin could scarcely keep her countenance while her lodger was speaking, for she saw at once that he had fallen into the trap she had laid for him, and in consequence that both his hair and whiskers had become a de­ cided blu& "I guess," she laughed to herself, "that Sophronia won't fancy that acolor any better than the other." Quite unconscious of what had be­ fallen him, Mr. Jenkins proceeded to the party. Going up to the gentlemen's room, he took of his hat and coat and went down to the parlors where most of the company had already assembled. Somehow he seemed to attract a great deal of attention, but this he expected, and very naturally attributed it to what he considered the very decided improve­ ment which had taken place in, his ap­ pearance. "No doubt," he thought, proudly, "they scarcely recognize me, I look so much younger than before." And he glanced around theroom with a look of complacent self-satisfaction. Bnt there was one thing that puzzled him not a little. The expression of every face that looked at him seemed to be struggling with laughter. Now what there was to laugh at in his appearance was more than he could divine. , To dye the hair was quite a common thing, and not at all amusing. He looked towards Sophronia, but she, too. had a smile upon her face. He flattered himself, however, that it was from a different cause. No doubt she was happy to see him looking so well. He would go up and speak with her. "It is a beautiful evening, Sophro-- Miss Jone3," he said, stammering in some confusion. "Very," said she, lasting down her eyes and toying with the fan which she carried. "I need not ask if you are well, for I have seldom seen you looking better,** j he continued in a tone of gallantry, re- ' covering his self-command as he ob­ served her evident embarrassment. "Thank you," said Sophronia, still looking down. * Pau l looked hastily about him. He saw thr.t no oue was near, and deter­ mined to seize this Opportunity to de­ cide his fate. "Sophronia," ie said, "you may think me precipitate, bnt you must ex­ cuse it when you consider my feelings. X love you ardently--devotedly. Will you be mine?" "I have one objection," she said slowly. "I know it, the color of my hair. But don't yon see how much it is (im­ proved ?" I see a change--but, but I can't think blue an improvement." Blue!" shrieked Mr. Jenkins, rush­ ing to the mirror. One glance was enough. He rushed for his hat, and left the house with frantic speed. Arriving at his board- ing-place he seized the unlucky bottle, dashed it to pieces on the brick hearth and seriously contemplated having his head shaved. But Time, the great re­ storer, together with frequent sham­ pooing, removed the fatal hue, and he at length recovered his peace of mind. And as all stories should end well, I have to relate that Sophronia at last relented and now writes her name Jen- kius, much to the dissatisfaction of :Mxs. Wiggin. i$V !¥V- bout her. First she scanned the tnantelpiece, next the bureau, and „ finally she took the liberty of opening ./• ,. the ui»per bureau drawer. Here Bbe , found what she sought. Before her, ^ wrapped in the same paper, was the ^mysterious bottle. Hastily unrolling it 'iff ehe learned the tatal truth. It was hair dye! Why do I say fatal truth ? I will tell you. Mrs. Wiggin at once concluded "what was indeed the truth, that this looked towards matrimony. She knew ihow much the use of the hair dye would / -improve his appearance, and feared that - it would make him irreisstible to So- v !phronia Jones. But what was she to do? Was she : ; to stand auietly by and suffer this to ; i "take place ? No. He raid, A chap who was ugly with beer boarded a Woodward Avenue car the other day, and when the conductor came aroundhe growled: "I don't pay no fare!" "I know it," was tho calm reply. ^Oh, youdo! How did you know Because we never charge Pontiao Asylum patients anything, poor fellows. Move over in the shade and let me get you a fan." "I'll be hanged if you do!" exclaimed the man, and he fished up ' a nickel for his fare and rode for a fult mile in the sun.--Detroit Free Press. Too many have no idea of the sub­ jection of their temper to the influence of religion; and yet. what is charged if tbe temper is not? If a mania passion­ ate, malicious, resentful, sullen, moody, or morose after his conversion as before Mrs. Wiggin w«w a 5 it. what is he converted from or to? in pin, the head of which the' fluttering ends concealed from my view. "His movements were incredibly, swift and active. Before the half of the detail of his apj>earance had caught my eye he was at the desk, pen in hand, registering. The clerk eyed him with It suspicion and dislike he made no at­ tempt to concea'. A quick glance at the list, the new guest was about to be skied, when the autocrat, pen iu hand, paused, started baok' and suddenly be­ came as obsequious as he had previously been impertinent. "You will show the gentfeman to parlor No. 4 on the first floor," he said to the bell-boy, looking very deferen­ tially to the scarecrow. " What should occasion so sudden a change of demeanor I could not then guess. Half an hour later, at dinner time, the newcomer darted quickly from the elevator shaft, elbowing his way through the groups of men standing conversing in the office and entered the dining-room. A long Irock coat that clung closely to his shrunken limbs seemed to add a touch of pomposity to the grotesquene3s of his figure. I fol­ lowed. "The head waiter, omnipotent, im­ perious, magnificent, pencil in hand, stepped forward, threw a hasty, con­ temptuous glance at the scraggy, nervous little individual, and hastened to lead off towards a table far off in a disagreeable corner,, On his way there he turned, and, in surveying the ex­ panse of tables covered with snowy linen, shining silver and glassware* glittering in the glow of the incandes­ cent electric light, his eyes once more sought the new guest That instant he stopped, his jaw fell, his confident look vanished, gave way to an air of extreme servility, an expression of almost abject respect. Then he placed him at a cen­ tre table where he was one of a party of ladies in light silks and sparkling jewels, and men in evening dress. "A repetition here of tbe preceding scene. Such indignation as their faces expressed, angry glance* were darted towards tbe head waiter, who took no notice of the storm his action had raised. Then one of the ladies, whose gaze had been fixed on the intruder's tie. nudged her companion and drew attention to something. I presumed it was in con­ nection with the bow whose loose ends still hnng over the lapel of his coat. The eyes of the others followed aud then the scowls gave way to expres­ sions oi respectful admiration. Ten minutes later this strange, ugly, repul­ sive little creature was chatting gaily with his neighbor, a gentleman of very high social standing who is noted for extreme dignity and impregnabilitv*of reserve. At dessert the entire party were laughing together. The stranger had blended into their talk as com­ pletely as though he originally belonged to them. His remarks were listened to in respectful silence, and by the manner his small, sharp, black eyes snapped and sparkled he was evidently telling appreciative auditors what he regarded as a good story. Emerging from the dining-room, one of the ladies, a society belle, too, leaned on his arm. "I asked myself what talisman he possessed, this grotesque, repellant, strange creature, to so rapidly counter­ act the effects of his singular appear­ ance? What antidote had he for so ill- favored a countenance, for ugliness so offensive ? As he passed me I caught a swift gleam of light that apparently Bbot from his Hhirt front. Theie, hold­ ing the loose tie in place, was uh enor­ mous diamond of a lustre so amazingly brilliant that the eye unconsciously reverted to it and dwelt on its wondrous purity. Such a stone I had never seen before. Glowing with a living light, its facets seemed each to give out a separate ray, sparkling like sunlight on f dew. This was the talisman. The stone must have been worth fully a hundred thousand dollars. "Some hours later this curiosity and his diamond returned to the office smoking a very large Havana cigar. * A friend of mine who travels extensively pointing him out as Jacob Frankfort, an immensely wealthy St. Louis pawn­ broker." Uses of Fmninine Photographs. Wothen should always know the standing of the photographe* to whom they entrust the negatives of th^ir por­ traits. They should consider well his character and manner of doing business before permitting him to make a picture of them. The negative once in his pos­ session (if he is M> disposed) he has the means of causing them great mortifica­ tion by using it for base purposes. The head of some prominent woman is cut from her picture and pasted on the figure of some notorious woman in undesirable costume or position. This can be done so neatly as to defy detec­ tion. A few touches of India ink will conceal the places of joining, aud it re­ quires a magnifying glass to discover them. The picture is then copied, and persons as unprincipled as the operator are ready to buy and show them, as the picture of Mrs. , or Miss as the case may be. These transactions are carried on apart from the ordinary work, andt are not exposed for sale to the general public; but the places where, they are sold are known to the pur­ chasers of such vile frauds. One of the worst features of the case is the impos­ sibility of knowing how many of the^e counterfeits are afloat iu the com­ munity. The fear of detection has pre­ vented this transaction from being done to any great extent; but it has been done, and, as they are issued without the name or address of the publisher, it is almost impossible to trace them to their source.--A. Bogardus, in Ladies' Home Journal. How Urn Otbnr Uair Llvoa. How true it is, the remark that one- half the world doesn't know how the other half lives. Take, for example, the woman who plays the orguinette on the street corner. An old sunbonnet is pulled well down over her shrunken and shriveled features--for the feminine instinct which shuns a revelation of un- loveliness lingers all through life, and outlasts hunger and humiliation. And the tune she plays is "Home, Sweet Home." From time to time the rhythm halts where notes have been worn away by use, and the memorv-laden melody seems to be broken every now and then a sob. cents each, he concludes that at $5 per diem shb ought to have a ^even-room house in a good neighborhood with hot and cold Water and pie for dinner when­ ever she wants it.--New York Press. '• A Hoy of Hi« Uwi, One day as I sat in the -Union depot at Cleveland, waiting to go East, a big biotTfariner-tooting taftfl took a seat beside me, and wo were talking about this and that when a mite of a boy, rag­ ged artd dirty, and looking as if half starved, catne along ^ndusked for alms. He'knew it was against orders, and he kept one eye on the policeman as he moved around. Each of us gave him something, and he went over to a man who -was reading a paper. He received no response to his request aud repeated it, when the brute lowered his paper and gave the lad a cruel box on. the ear. The boy cried out and came running back to us, and the next moment tbe big man crossed tbe space between the benches and loomed up before the man with the paper like a mountain. His face was white with anger, and he trembled all over as he demanded: "Did you strike that child?" "The little beggar annoyed me," was the reply. ' "Look there!" thundered the big man as he-turned and pointed to the lad. "You've struck a poor, wee child, rag­ ged, hungry, and heart-sick! See his tears! I came over here calculating to pick you up and break you in two over the bench, but I'm going to leave you to that God who watches over the poor and helpless and down ridden. For every tear that child has shed Heaven will demand a drop of your blood! You are a thing, not a man--a creeping, crawling contemptible thing!" The other rose up, eyes flashing and lips compressed, and it was evident that he meant to resent tbe words. Just then, however, the lad, still dig­ ging the tears out of his eyes with his fists, came forward and took the big man by the hand and said: "Don't light. Come away. Mother is awful sick." The big man returned to his seat, too full to say a Word for a moment, and during this interval the stranger sat down, got up iigain, lifted up his grip and replaced it, and finally walked over and stood before us and *aid: "To say that I'm ashamed and hu­ miliated does'not half express it. Here, child, take thi3." And he left'a $20 bill in the lad's hand and walked from the depot with hurried step, while the big man drew a long breath and said: "I guess it was too hard on him after all. I guess be believesin God and has got a boy of his own. Come, sonny, I'll go with you to see about that sick mother."--N. Y Sun. l*'ur Ku|p, The most superb of fur rugs is made from the skin of the lion. , When the lion is five years old his maine has at­ tained its full growth, and he is then ready to be sacrificed at the altar oi civilization. Next in beauty comes, the tiger. The graceful, cat-like head, and sleek, glossy skin» make a truly effective rug --indeed, mauy prefer it to the lion skin. The bears, and especially the grizzlies,t are very popular. The white polar bear is arranged in a very realis­ tic manner, with his great mouth open and formidable claws projecting grimly from the soft fur. All these animals are displayed with one-quarter, one-half and full heads-- that is, raised and stntfed in those shapes. The last style is tbe hand­ somest, of course, and the most desir­ able rugs are the animal shapes with the head arranged as in life. However, there are many other rich rugs made of the skins in obiong shape, and these are in many cases, to be preferred, for one of the heads placed by a door or in the center of a room, is likely to prove a general stumbling block. Very effective rugs are made of the white Iceland sheep; the hair is long and fluffy and perfectly white. Black sheep-skin rup.-, are also seen, some be­ ing made of the genuine black Iceland sheep, while others are dyed. Bugs oi brown bear-skin bordered with black, or black bear edged with gray wolf, oi white bear trimmed with black, and ol bear-skin wlioily of one color are much liked, and their- long hair gives a room a wonderful air of comfort. The skin of the axis deer is of a tawny brown color showing white spots, and is not lone-haired, but very smooth; it is bordered iu colored wool seal, makings rug that is especially suitable for a bathroom, since neither of the pelts is affected by water. Stanley'* Lore A Stanley had a matrimonial affair oi which he himself told. I think it was in '67 or '68, savs a correspondent --any way, it was about the time of his affair in Asia Mino^^that he stopped for a few weeks on one of the Ionian Inlands. He met there a beautiful Greek girl, to whom he took a fancy. He couldn't speak her language, nor she his; but, with the aid of an interpreter, he asked for and obtained her hand. The girl's family was of the best, and when the wedding day came great preparations for the bridal' event were made Stanley took his stand beside his bride that was to be, and everything was in readiness for the ceremony--at least, so he thought. It happened, though, that it was customary iti the islands for the prospective husband to hand over to the father of his fiancee, prior to the marriage, a sum of money in propor tion to the beauty, rank and accomplish­ ments of his expected bride, as a sort of recompense to her father for the loss ol his daughter and the cost of bringing her up. Stanley knew nothing of this expectation, and of course, made no move to hand over. Finally the hard but business-like father beckoned the interpreter and quietly tola him to re­ mind Stanley that he was overlooking an important feature ot the marriage proceedings. The interpreter com­ plied. When he had made his message clear to Stanley, the destined explorei of world-wide fame pushed aside his affianced bride, to tbe amazement ol the gathered throng, drew the interpre­ ter by the arm to the presence of the puzzled father, and in his most indig­ nant fashion ordered the interpreter tc convey to his not-to-be-father-in-law the message: "Sir, I came here to marry, not to buy your daughter. b* THE ARIZONA KICKER. Western K»terj»rl»« Continue* to LsML We extract the following items from the last issue of the Arizona Kicker: A QUEKB PROCEEDING.--The other night some of the boys came around and routed us out of bed at midnight to go over and see 'em hang Pete Smith. Pete is the chap who killed Col. Wil­ liams in a saloon row last fall, and who lias had a shot at several other eminent citizens, including ourself. For the last two weeks he has been running the town, and his refusal to take a hint re­ sulted in his being waited on by the vigilanoe committee ^ We reached the grounds to find Pete standing on a barrel with a rope around his neck. He knew his time had came, and was ready to die game,but no sooner did he learn of our presence in the crowd than he began to protest and ob­ ject and demand that we be run into the scrub. We called his attention to the fact that he had two shots at us at close range, and that we were the only party on the ground who could dish up his obituary in good English, but the ungrateful rough kept on kicking and would not even argue the case. A man in this country can't have everything he wants, no matter how big a bluffer he is, and when it was seen how unreasonable Pete was the boys went ahead with the hanging just the same, and Mr. Smith, won't sail around our streets with a gun on each hip for many moons to come. We've seen some queer things out here, but tbe idea of a man like Pete Smith ob­ jecting to a man like us seeing him drop off a barrel rather caps the climax. We are charitable enough to believe he was a little off. \ A CANARD.--The story in certain ChicSgo papers that the editor of the Kicker runs a faro room in connection with the newspaper bears the ear-marks cf our jealous-pated contemporary. There isn't a word of truth in it. It was suggested by Col. Kane about a month ago that we give up a portion of our office space during the evening to a poker club of which we are president, ana we cheerfully adopted the sugges­ tion, and a game is on every night from 7 to 11, but poker isn't faro--not by a long shot. Our enemies will gain noth­ ing by circulating such absurd stories about our character. HE STRUCK A SNAG.--Oh the 1st (lay of April we started Indian Dick out of town to sea how quick he could make a journey around the world. To tell the honest truth, we hadn't over a ton of confidence in Dick, but he had so much ambition that we gave him a dollar aud a half and told him to draw on us for some more when he reached Yokohama. The other day we heard of him up at Overton's ranch, only twenty miles awav, and that he had been there ever since the 3d of April. It seemed that he was doing bravely on his trip uutil he struck Overton's, where an Eastern genius is making some sort of whisky out of cactus roots. The first taste of that liquor nailed Dick right to the spot, and he hasn't moved ten rods since. Under these circumstances all bets are declared off', and all guesses havfe been turned loose in the back yard to shift for themselves. * DRAWING THK LINK.--Maj. Atwood, of Tombstone, came down the other day to ask a great favor of us. He wanted us to give him one of the bodies of our private graveyard as a starter in establishing ote of his own. While the Major has been our friend from first to last, and while he always had A dollar for us in the old days when we were hard up, we must draw the line somewhere. He can have our shirt, our rabbit's foot, our dream book our fine comb, but friendship ceases when he approaches the graveyard which we have been at so much pains -and ex­ pense to fit up and $ make * feature of this section of the country. DON'T STOP HIM.--Last week we en­ gaged a new arrival from the'East to act as local editor of the Kicker. He assured us that his name was Barlow and that he was a close follower in the footsteps of Horace Greiley. After twenty-four hours trial he got tight, stole our Sunday boots, gobbled a mule and lit out towards sundown. Don't stop him on our account. The owner of the mnle may want to see him, but we don't. Those boots cost us $12, bnt if Mr. Barlow will only keep away we shall consider it a good bargain. He is about the twentieth discipie of Greeley, Bennett or Baymond we have tried in the last year, and we are tired--very tired.--Detroit Free Press. Soithan««nJthat H«nrv M. St*nl<« ! READ^ TO ASAUME HLH DUTIES has wedded Miss Dorothy Pennant. I (luimau ia formi,ial,le onl CARE may kill a cat, but it will new a bicycla. Taking an Esquimau Pilot. The Esquimau pilot is of his boat not a thing apart So closely is he identi­ fied with it when on duty that his caiak becomes really a part of himself, or rather of his outer garment, to which it is attached. After an Esquimau has placed his caiak in the water and has seated himself therein (an operation, by the way, which many Europeans have tried and failed to accomplish), he se­ curely fastens the edge of his capadek (an outer carment) to the wooden ring which forms the periphery of the cock­ pit, thus making a perfect seal, and preventing the swamping of the boat by heavy seas. The boats used by the Esquimaux are about seventeen feet in length and two feet in width. They have no keel, being half an octagon in shape. The prows are fitted with whalebone to pro­ tect from floating ice. The paddles used are made of drift-wood, and are sometimes ornamented with bono tops. Without his paddles tbe Esquimau in his caiak is helpless. Notwithstanding an almost constant life upon the water, but few ol them can swim. The rapid­ ity with which an Esqnimau will pro­ pel his boat through the water is almost incredible, it being not unusual for them to attain a speed of ten miles an hour. Frequently, when at full speed, they will, for a small consideration, make with their boats three complete revolutions in the water, and continue their course without perceptibly de­ creasing their momentum. At the firing of a gun from a ship re­ quiring a pilot they may be F6en pad­ dling toward the vessel, always in pairs or threes. When the vessel is "brought to," the pilot selected paddles to the leeward at a point between the fore and main mast. Two sailors then take the bight of a roue; this is lowered into the water, and the pilot propels his caiak over the submerged loop. An­ other loop is lowered over the stern, and a third, or steadying rope, is low­ ered to the pilot. The boat is then hoisted to the rail of the vessel, where j the pilot is stripped of his caiak, and is ' " • '- The Es- only above his loins. The cramped position be occu­ pies in his boat makes him bow-legged, and wl • Mm f f s m - wa'st he is easily placed hora dn combat. H« is remarkably huperstitious, but among his fellows has a reputation for honesty, Which unfortunately resembtes that charity which begins" at but extends no further than Jiorne. Going Home. His olothes were plain but quite re­ spectable. Trouble rather than weight of years had turned his hair gray. He looked as if ill health had* thrown him on his bock when his family most needed the money of his labor. Just now there was a cloud of anxiety on the worn face as he bent over the baby car­ riage, and anyone would say that the time was not far off when the cloud would break in grief if that hacking lit­ tle cough had any meaning. The child w.a? Very young, but disease had laid a pitiless hand upon it and the wasted body was quite small enough for the carriage bought for its infancy. The tiny face was woefully pinched and pal­ lid. The hands were like the claws of a bird for thinness, aud they were lift- mg and moving wearily with pain. "I want to go home, papa. When will we go home?" People looked around startled, and listened almost in awe to this strange, querulous, strident voice. There was something weird in it. It was the voice of a much older person. One would have thought that the mind of the child had leaped into power and intelligence away beyond its years, and that the shadow of some great grief or some dread remorse had fallen upon it and darkened everything to come as it had everything that had passed. "Very soon, now, dearie; very soon, now." Where was the mother? And why Was she not here?. Gone home before, perhaps. But the father was here with the fatlier-love, and something of the mother's divine love also if that love means anything that softens this man's hard tones to so much tenderness and gnides his hand with snch gentle care when he seeks to ease the body of 'the sick child. "Now we're going." The boat swung away from the ferry dock. The child's eyes brightened, and then fixed in a glaze of wonder on the blue sky and the merry company oi ripples on the river. As "they neared the other shore the child spoke again but very faintly. "Are we near home, pap*?* "You'll soon be there." "I am so glad." Poor blighted, tired little one. may well be glad--not for this you are going to to-day, where you will know no rest from your sufferings, bnt for the other which you left some three or four years ago for the rugged road ol life that you were not strong enough to travel on.--Thomas F. Watson, iii De­ troit Free Press. You home A Queen's Old Clothes. It is not generally supposed that any society woman in New York arrays her­ self in auvbody's old clothes, but a few of them have done so, and been proud enough of the fact to tell about it, though it does not seem to have reached the ears of those gifted and imaginative writers for some of the papers whose vivid descriptions of the petticoats and night-gowns of society leaders whom they do not hesitate to specify would seem to indicate a remarkable intimaoy in the boudoirs of those ladies. But there are women of abundant wealth and refined taste who wear second-hand clothes, though they do not go down to Bleecker street to buy the gorgeous satins and cottony velvet» which hang at the doors of the old clothes shops in such tempting magnificence. • No, the possession of castoffs implioe a voyage across the sea, and stamps tbe owner at once^as a woman of means and opportunities. For they are the once or twice worn tenets of royalty, and are only to be obtained l>y the fortunate few who can get in to the annual sale of costumes of Queeu Margherita of Italy. And it by no means follows that be­ cause they are second-hand they are cheap. The modern kings and queens appear to have degenerated from the lavishness of splendor attributed to old- time sovereigns and to have a thrifty satisfaction in turning an honest penny. Queen Margherita is a beautiful wo­ man, and is said to bo oue of the best dressed in Europe. The exigencies oi court life, with its brilliant pageants and ceremonials, require a great many splendid toilets in the course of tho year, as the same one can only figure at two or three of the«e grand functions. Nor can it be supposed that any pretty woman neglects to live up to her oppor­ tunities and to fulfill the3e require­ ments. So at the end of the year the accumulation of scarcely worn fine gowns is sold to the highest bidders by a court chamberlain or some other royal functionary with much pomp and circumstance. * Happy is the American woman with money in her purse who gets into one of these exclusive auctions; but oh! thrice and four times happy, as Mr. Virgil remarks, is the woman who brings home with her, as did the wife of a rich New Yorker lately, a sumptuous gown of green velvet, with a train royal length and strange, unique metallic em­ broideries, calculated to make every woman who saw her in it mentally in­ quire: "Wherein the world did she get that gown ?"--New York Press. Modern Literary Ciiances. 1'he aspirant for literary honors With pecuniary remuneration should remem­ ber that the most famous names in the literary guild earned their money for the most yart in other than literary ways. Bryant was an editor and pub­ lisher. Longfellow and Holmes and Lowell were Harvard Professors. Em­ erson and Bayard Taylor were lecturers, and Taylor was also a Tribune editor. Curtis and Stoddard depend upon edi­ torial salaries; Stedman is a broker, and Halleck was John Jacob Astor's private secretary. And one might go further with this list. Whittier began as an editor, and only in middle life attempted to lean upon literature a!°ne for a sup­ port, which his early savings and simple habits made possible. It was always Longfellow's advice to young men who wished to be liter ary to have first, and mainly, a vocation independent of t.he finer muse. If a young writer thinks he possesses genius he may, of course, experiment with it; but it will serve his purse and peace of mind better to secure some source of labor and income that is more philistine and worldly, and ride his Pegasus only at inspired intervals. For it is a fact, in spite of the occa­ sional big figures that are given as the results of literary work, pure and simple, that the men who prosper or have prospered by that alone, are only, at any one time, a few dozen in number among our sixty-five millions of people. --Ladies' Home Journal. IF a man is on his way to the woods to commit suicide, and a bull suddenly gives chase, the chances are that he will run for his life. . t'. atv.J* •>...» .>wJfl PURASANT PARAGRAPH*. '+' - (Culled from our Exchange^ 1 "Has your girl a keen sense of thalf! ridioalona ?" "Yes. she laughs all time I am with her." "BuT^frs. Brown, there •» fliesfel baked in this cake!" " Oh, if you please, ma'am, the most of what you see are raisins." , • THKRE is a Baptist clergyman LA? Texas whom they osll the Great Dipper,!^ because he officiates at so many, emersions. "PAPA," exclaimed Johnny, struggling^ with a very copious brand of influenza^ "if the nose is an organ why don't have stops?" TEACHER (at Sunday-school)--Betty, what have we to do first before we ean J*-r- expect forgiveness for our sins? Betty, " --We have to sin first. GREEK is said to be the best Jan- » guage for poetry. This probably come*/'- f from the fact that most poetry is Greek"" 4 to the average reader. rjV SOCIAL Pastels.--Mr. Bounds--How nicely that Miss Instyle carries her.; head. Miss Dukatts--She ought to* M carry it easily--it's so light. | CORRUPTING Influence.--The Min-J ister--Johnny, are you a good boy ?,, Johnny--No, but I was before your* little boy moved into the neighbor w,, hood. ft "I AM sober and steady. I was ten": years in my last place and five in ther'f!#j one before that." "But where was the* last place you worked ?" "In the State'® ; prison." "SAT, old fellow, are ton really a re­ lation of the celebrated Prof. Dirl?" - "Yes, but somewhat far removed."!* VH "How then?" "He is my brother, bnt,I ^ you see, there are ten sisters between ' * us." TOMMY--Paw, what is the difference between "impelled" and "compelled?" Mr. Figg--Why--er--it--I was im­ pelled to marry your mother, and now I am compelled to live with her. Quite'|4 3 a difference!" * He--Darling. She--Yes, dearest. He" --Do you know, darling, I believe I have forgotten your real name through calling you darling so continually. She Well, never mind, dearest, just keep on calling me darling. /£. §! PRETTY Miss--What is the latest in^ v : theater hats? Milliner--Bonnets, not"* * hats, are worn, and the bonnet consists' only of a few bunches of flowers. Pretty ̂ ^ Miss--Well, rig me up a few bunches^' ^ of sunflowers for to-night. BATCHELL (to happy father)--Con- ; i; gratulate you, old man, on the new ar-i/ t • rival. Whom does he look like?^ ~t*i Father (remembering the visitors' com-.?' , ments)--He looks like all the relatives;, on both sides of the family. $ SAID a little Brooklyn boy who was?;- watering the flowers in Lis mother's^ - , garden with his latest acquisition, a?- " • watering pot: "Now, God, you take$l .1 care of the rest of the ground, and ril,3yH" attend to this little patch!" : HAYSEED (taking his seat in photographer's chair)--Wait a minute. Don't you give nothing? Photographerfc'y'f What do you mean, sir? Hayseed--f:r-' I'd like to take gas or chloroform. I'm a blamed poor hand to stand sufferin'. IN Court.--"How did you come to the point of telling such a mass of lies ?" p . • "Why, you see, Your Honor, I had read-*?^, somewhere that the world likes to bef1 tr deceived, aud I said to myself, 'August, \; my boy, that is just the business torW- you.'" # CHICAGO Man (to guest)--Two bodies have been found ip^Chicago'; . Biver, I see. It is strangpAftfat so many." > > persons should be djfnvapd in that^&i* river. Guests-It stran^T I shouidf% not suppose frcpnr its appearanoe any one couldr sink in it. Won't leisure You If Yon Drink. The best class of life insurance com-^ pontes' prefet not to take risks on drink- ing men, a°d some of them absolutely decline to issue policies to then who habitually use alcoholic or malt liquors in the form of drams. Every applicant ^s is required to state whether he useapR'1',;-1- stimulants, and in what manner and'*? quantity. No objection is raised against the man who uses wine or beer in mo-aft deration at his meal, for physiologists tm generally teach that liquor and food, When taken together, are mutually help­ ful, or, more properly, that alcohol is. v. least injurious when used with food, . but when a man is in the habitof taking ^ even two or three drinks of liquor every > day at other times than with his food, the best companies will decline to issue him a policy, considering it only a ques­ tion of time when the habit will grow So as to necessitate an increase in the quantity consumed. AVhile not absolute prohibitionists, the companies draw the line at the glass of wine or beer at meal time. , ' • « Tom Oehll tree's Sign. "While in Jefferson, Tex., a few #Pfi» ago, I heard an anecdote about Tom Ochiltree," remarked M. F. Johnson. "It was when Tom, having been admit­ ted to the bar, was taken into partner­ ship with his father. The first thing he did after being formally installed was to request his father to get a sign. Ochiltree, Sr., ordered one, and in due course of time it came and was nailed' to the door. It bore the legend: " 'Ochiltree & Son.' "When Tom came into the offioe that day his father asked him how he liked the sign. Tom said he didn't like it at all. Whereupon the old man told him V to order another to suit himself. Tom did so, and when the old man returned ̂ from a trip a few days later he was. to use a mild phrase, somewhat astonished • to see hung over the door a new, flar- '"•sh­ ingly-lettered sign informing the publio - that within was the office of-- " 'Thomas Ochiltree & Father.' Chicago Post ••Little Dot," the lllBlaf Qaeei^ , 'y:; Mrs. F. J. Lake!, of Castle, Mont.,' has a remarkable history. She was born in a California mining camp, and was known all over the country as "Little Dot." Before learning to read she could assort the rock and pick out the good ore. Her first study was mineralogy, and, in fact, she would study nothing else. When a piece of new ore was found the first thing the miners did was to get "Little Dol's" opinion of its value. When a young woman she went to Eu- ^ r- rope for a course of study, but soon left h the seminary for the practical fields of $ „ Newcastle and other mining places. A few years afterward her father lost his mines and died, and "Little Dot" was's left to look out for herself. She moved to Castle, Mont., and has been there ever since. 7, - Until a few months ago she was the only woman in the State personally en- f1 i% gaged in miuing. She is an owner as well as a partner in three or four -v-tt mines. - -- THE matches that are made in heaven are safety matches.--New Orleans Si T' T W .rr wis