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enrg fllaiutlcaiw I. VAN SLYKE, EMtr an4 ^ubllahtr. trade Signs. man in .very ™y-'lowed «iat you ! The varioujj ̂ whioh w M d could eock a pistol at me and skeer me ftlonR the busine*s street8 af oar • • HcHENRY, ILLINOIS rmmm ire 5fITST MC'KR MEET AC.AIN, f BY FBANCIS 8. StCITH. must ne'er xnnet again-- ; In the future 1 '11 slum him; •Vy heart aches with pain * When my eye rests upon him. ... 1 remember tix> well , How his voice used to thrill m»-- Ct now under its spell, , The sweet music would kill me, t must go far from here --To dispel my vain yearning, I > CV>r the lire of despair «, « In my bosom ir burning, v^fepcimet him last night. j «, 1 And with one glance he fled me, i ;, i^8 though he had reason : y To loathe and to dread me. :«ow dark my te-morrow t 'How muchto be dreadoil! Row I loathe in my sorrow The man 1 have wedded! ' *b hope 'tis denied me-- j.Stv^I'll smile again never; ,! tPpr memory will chide me Forever and eve* I • W«W York Weekly. A DUEL BY OP1E P. RKAD. Jasper' Spillers and Mort Pryor were %nnotraced as candidates for Sheriff of backwoods county of North Carolina, - JSacli man was known as a good fellow, fend both were lecognized as men of ,.;%bility. Jasper could jump farther :. 4han any man in the county, but as an «ffset, Mort could beat him running. Mort could split more rails in a day than any man in the community, but fras decidedly inferior to Jasper when •it came to covering corn with a hoe. <l£ort was an acknowledged champion •*s a fodder-puller, but Jasper could . beat him cradling grain. Upon the •whole they were so nearly matched that the race, it could be seen, would be a close one, and even men of nerve were •Unable to decide as to which one they •should bet on, knowing that a few votes either way would decide the matter. One day during a shower of rain the two candidates happened to meet tinder an old shed near the roadside. "How »ir you gettin' along Avith yo' canvass, Hort ?" Jasper asked, when he had lied his horse and run in oat of the Cain. t "Fnstrate. Think I've knocked down %ro votes to-day." *1 reckon you'll need all you can Itnock down every day 'twixt now and ;'4|he election, and I ruther think that it •ill stand yoa in hand to git as long a ^»ole as you can find." "Oh, I've got a putfy long one al- «eady, and, by the way, I don't think . you'd better nse no ordinary stick-- Veckon you'll hafter fling rocks might'ly At the high ones, even if you have a Jiole forty foot long." •"Well," said Jasper it is hard to tell •"iftueh one will come out at the big ^•Bnd of the ho'n, but there's one fact •l&oat this canvass that ought not to l>e •Overlooked, and that is this: There 'Hever was a better humored canvass in county." . 'You are right, Jasper," Mort an­ swered. "and I wanter say right now, 'that it will be a mighty long time be- •fore I make it otherwise. We air • showing tlx® community that men of ""worth can run agin each other without fallin' out." - "Tliat'a so. Mort, but do yoa know it sorter workin' agin us?" " Why, no, and I don't see how it Kjin." "I do. It's this way: You know that there ain't no community in the •world where br«very is more admired ';than it is right here; and the truth of the matter is, the folks have tuck it into their heads thut nuther one of us '"•will -fight. I heard it whispered around "at Cahey Fork this mornin' that there is danger of another man comin' out end beatin' us both. They say that a tnan that won't fight ain't fitted to be ••sheriff. Now when you come to think it, nobody don't know whuther we Will fight or not. I never had a chance to show whuther 1 am game or not, and I never heard of you havin' a fight" "I never had no occasion to fight," paid Mort. "1 would fight, though, if a •feller was to shove me." "Yes, but the folks don't know it. ®d hate might'ly for some dark hoss to <Qome in and beat us, just on account of the folks thinkin' that we won't fight. Say, Mort, I have been thinkin' of a •clieme." "Out with it, then." ""Well, my scheme is this: There is 4B°in' to be a log-rollin' over at Feather- •tones's next Saturday, and there will lie some of the best men in the county there. I thought it would be a good 4dee for UB to meet there and pretend to ffit in a quarrel, and then one of us •challenge the other. We will have our pistols loaded with notbin' but powder Sn' will stand off about ten steps and let drive at each other. We'll fire two or three times as fast as we can, and by that time the people will be satisfied that we will fight and will stop us. TThen, you see, it would be impossible for anybody to step in and beat us out of the office." "Yes, but there cant but one of us be •-elected." "I know that, and I thought we might ^T&x it up this way: If I am elected I '•will give you the chief deputyship and •will not run for re-election, but will work for you, and if you are elected, why, you do the same by me." "I don't think that is a bad plan, Jas- 'per." "It is a fustrate plan, Mort. Sup- : pose we do it." "All right, I am agreeable." A number of men, having tugged at mighty nigh to death. Jasper--Who 'lowed I said that? Mort--Never mind, I heard it. Jasper--Wall, now, the man that told you is a liar. Understand? Mort--You'd better not tell him •<>• Jasper--I'd tell him or anybody else so, and more than that, I'll tell you right to yo' teeth that if you believe it you believe a lie, and" still farther, I think you would ruther believe a lie than the truth. Old Man Featherstone--Come, now, boys, don't talk that way. We all thought you was goin' to git along so well in this canvass, and I am mighty sorry to hear you talk like that. Mort--Anybody can get along with me as long as he acts half way right, but when a man comes a rubbin' my fur the wrong way jest for his own fun and won't quit even when he sees that it hurts me, why, I won't stand it. Mort--Now, look here, Mr. Tender­ ness, I want to tell you that I don't pro­ pose to put up with you much longer. I have stood you for a good while and it is about time that there was a let up. Hear me ? Jasper--I ain't very deaf. And now as to the putting up part, w'y you need- enter put up with me five minutes longer. You may take yo' 4>wn choice in the matter--put up with me or not put up, jest as you see fit. Mort--'Wall, now, when I stop puffin' up with you something will happen to make you ricolleck it.* I'm a quiet sorter feller, me, but wjjten amfm keeps on a shoviu", w'y the lamb of me dozes off to sleep and the tiger part suddenly wakes up with its mouth open. Jasper--I knowed that sort of a feller once. He had the lamb part and the | tiger part jest like you've got, and one day the lamb part dozed off to sleep and the tiger part woke up With its mouth open, and shortly afterwards the lamb part was back jumpin' through the low ground, a blatin' every jump and- with mighty nigh all the wool scorched offen him; and the tiger part --well, that evenin' some fellers saw something layin' side the road. T^ey went up and examined it and what do you think they found? I'll tell you: They found some broken claws and a streaked hide that was so full of slashes ! and gashes that it wouldn't have held j wheat straw. Them broken claws and that hide once belonged to the tiger part." Featherstone--Come, now, boys, yo» have bantered enough. I have see I many a banterin' match start out in fua and wind up with somebody gittin' hur L The difference betwixt fools and wis a men is this: Wise men know when lu quit and fools don't; so now, boys, jeil act like wise men. It is jest as easy ID be wise as it is to be foolish, with tfc a great advantage that you never have nothin' to regret when you have been wise. Come, men, let's git back over thar and pile up them logs. I want to git 'em fired befo' another rain comes. Mort--Jest wait awhile, gentlemen. This feller here has said things that I won't stand. He has slandered me be­ fore some of the voters of this county-- has lied about me on numbers of oc­ casions, and now he's got to answer for it. Jasper--If you say that I have slan­ dered you before voters or anybody else, you are a liar. Mort--That settles it. If you have an ounce oi pluck, step off there about ten steps and we will have it out. The scene was now one of intense ex­ citement. Old Featherstone and several other friends attempted to pre­ vent trouble, but seeing that afightwas bound to come, stepped back and told the candidates to fight as brave men should. Ten steps were counted off, and it was agreed that the candidates should fire at the drop of a hat. A young fellow named Danvers--keen to the "sport," took off his hat and hold­ ing it up, said: "If anybody shoots befo' this hat falls it won't be good for him. It has been a long time since we had any fun in this here community, and I reckon I am a lee tie more honest than the rest of the fellers when I say that I am glad to see that all the spunk ain't dead yit Look out. now!" The hat struck the ground. Two pistol shots were blended into one re­ port. Both men fell dead. Each one had attempted to play a villianous trick. --Arkanvaw Traveler. Easily Accounted 1'«r. "Young Naturalist" writes: "Do you think the dog is losing his sagacity? If not, how do you account for the fact that we have fewer narratives and in­ cidents of wonderful display* of human intelligence on the part of dog* nowa­ days than formerly ?" Oh, it isn't the fault of the dog, at all; he's just as bright and intelligent as ever he was; more intelligent, we should say, as he is better trained and taught. But people don't lie so recklessly about such matters as they formerly did. The railway has reformed the country in that respect. It used to be that a man could tell a stoiy that would make an iron lamp-post cringe about a dog his uncle owned out in Ochiltree County, and he was safe; because nobody could get there in a lifetime. But now a man can jump on a train and go anywhere in a week, and find out all about everything in two days after he gets there. So even people who are naturally truthful have to restrain their imaginations be­ cause there is no safe place to locate the dog if you make him too remarkable. You notice that most of our remarkable dogs and snakes, etc:, are located in the most inacessible places. The snake editor of this paper, for instance, who cities came into use long before the streets themselves were named, or the houses were distinguished by numbers. At a a time when people generally were un­ able to read, these riule but striking ap­ peals to the eye had their use. In the rivalry of business enterprise they easily became more or less an obstruc­ tion to travel. That the shop-keepers of London might retain the privilege of displaying their well-known symbols of trade, Charles I. gave, ty letters patent, express permission to the citi­ zens "to expose and hang in and over the streets, and ways, and alleys of the said city and subuibs of the same, signs and posts of signs, affixed to their houses and shops, for the better finding out such citizens' dwellings, shops, arts and occupations, without impedi­ ment, molestation or interruption of his heirs or successors." As education spread, and as architec­ tural effects began to be prized, the old method, and, so far as we know, the original one, of indicating the "arts and occupations" went out of fashion. The traditional mortar and pestle, the gild­ ed boot, the magnified horse-shoe, the painted effigy of the Indian chief, and the triple-pronged tooth did not har­ monize with the fluted columns and foliated capitals. There was ground for hope that all such barbaric symbols would disappear. But the increasing pressure of compe­ tition in business has driven mon back again upon the custom of illiterate ages. In shop windows and at shop doors the Indian with his tomahawk or with a bundle of cigars startles the passer-by into the idea of trade, the bear with his pole suggests to the lady who approaches the comfort of furs, and so on through all tiie needs of life and the desires of the heart. It is a curious circumstance that the law of copy-right has been made to ap- • ply to some of these designs for fright­ ening a timid public into the proper sentiment toward trade, just as this applies to trade-marks. Twenty-five years ago a case of this kind was tried in the Canadian Court of Chancery. It seems that an artist of local celeb­ rity in one of the cities of the Dominion had been employed by a trader of the town to carve in wood the figure of a lion, and to paint it the tawny color of that animal. The work of art was placed by the entrance to a dry goods shop. A rival trader saw at once how well calculated this was to arrest the train of shoppers. He therefore applied to the artist for a lion to lie in wait at, liis own. door. A copy of the animaf already executed in the interest of trade was forthcoming. And now the matter got into the courts. An ocder was asked for to en­ join the junior lion from enticing pur­ chasers to his owner's shop. Photo­ graphs of the pair were taken, and were offered in evidence. The court was convinced, upon close examination, that "one, from the sorrowful expres­ sion of its countenance, seemed more resigned to its position than the other." If either animal was to be re­ moved, humanity prompted that the less resigned be relieved, and a decree was issued accordingly. ~ ( was engaged away batek in Stanley heavy logs for several hours, had gone j Huntley's time, was secured in the first into the woods to rest, and were sitting | place as geographical editor, and it was -under a spreading tree, when some one later on that it occurred to the manager remarked: "Yantler comes Jasper Spillers. If old Mort don't look out Jas will git ahead of him. He 11 oa (looking in an­ other direction,) hanged if yander don't come Mort, too." The two candidates reached the spreading tree about the same time, greeted each other pleasantly, and then sitting down, joined in the conversa­ tion. Mort--How air you runnin', Jasper? Jasper--Like askeered rabbit, as the 'feller 'lowed when the snake tuck after him. Mort--Have to run faster than that or I'll tramp on yo' heels. Jasper--Wall, now, when you git to trampin' on my heels you'll find your • own feet flyin' mighty peart, I can tell ; you. I have been liearin' a good deal • of yo' braggin' lately and I jest want to tell you that if this was a boastin' match you would take the blue ribbin. Mort-- I don't know about that. I hear that when you was over at White- man's mill the other day you 'lowed that you would not only beat me, but ought to, as you air the best to ntilize his intimate knowledge of remote places in the compilation of in­ teresting facts aud storise in natural history. Don't you notice that every | year the Smithsonian Institute 6ends the curator away to all manner of wild, unheard of places that nobody else ever heard of, to gather up a lot of new material? And whenever the scientific men want to observe the transit of Venus, or an equatorial eclipse of the sun, or anything of that sort, they never stay at home, as the rest of us do, and take in the scene through a piece of smoked glass; no, they go away from home some nine or ten thousand miles, with no end of things that a layman doesn't know how to look through. Then when they come home, my! my! The things they have seen! Dear, Dear! H'm. Am I a scientist ? Well, j in some things I am; I have a little smattering of science, yes. I know how to make up a report so's to make vour hair curl.--R. J. Burdette. COME to think of it, how can you ex- poet the poor to be contented when the rich never are?| Cultivating Diseases. Probably the most curious green­ house in the world is supported at Washington by the United States Gov­ ernment. It is a hospital for diseased plants, but differs from ordinary hospit­ als in that the injuries and disorders from which the patients suffer have been purposely inflicted upon them by the doctors in order that the nature of the complaints may be studied, and methods of curing them discovered. The Department of Agriculture has agents in many parts of the country whose business is to travel about and collect specimens of diseased plants. These plants are promptly sent to Washington with full particulars of the injuries done, and the extent of the depredations. Prof. Galloway, who has chai'ge of this department, upon receiving a leaf or a twig exhibiting morbid symptoms, sets at work to dis­ cover what sort of a fungus is respon­ sible for the mischief. Nearly all disorders of plants are caused by parasites, of which there are fifty thousand known kinds, and it is not easy to tell off hand, in any given case, just which one is the destroyer. Often this must be determined by a re­ sort to the germ incnbator. Suppose the professor has received a leaf affected by some mysterious disease, burning it brown. His experienced eye at once detects the presence of a fun­ gus. He breaks off a bit of the leaf, and chops it up in distilled water. When the water is filled with the germs, he takes a drop and lets it fall into a tube which already contains a small quantity of a gelatinous sub­ stance called "agar," derived from a Japanese fish. This substance has pre­ viously been rid of all germs by boiling, and the tube is now tightly corked up again to prevent the ingress of other germs. The fungus germs find this agar most nutritious food, and at once begin to feed and multiply. If there is only one to begin with, it soon divides into two, and so on until, it may be within a few hour?, there are billions. To be certain that these fnngi caused the disease of the plant in question, the Professor fishes a few of them out on the end of a platinum needle, and rubs them on a healthy leaf of the same sort in his green-house. If the disease is reproduced in the plant thus inoculated, he has found the enemy. That is the first important step; it only remains to discover something that will kill the parasite without injury to the infected plant. Within the four years during which Prof. Galloway has been in charge of this department of vegetable pathology, much has been done. Twelve of the fifty kinds of dangerous fungi that at­ tack the grape have been treated with success, and a cure has been discovered for the fire-rot, which turns the limbs of pear-trees black and dead so quickly. The germ of the potato rot, too, has been t identified, and means found of fighting it cheaply and effectively. The same may be said of more than a dozen other vegetable disea«es. the South. Til hang at the same time as my colored brothers.--New York Weekly. Bl» Clvtrka Had Muitio. One of New York's dry goods mer­ chants, who has a flourishing business on Sixth Avenue, gave the clerks in his employ a lesson in business methods the other day which they will not soon forget. On approaching his store shortly after 9 o'clock in the morning in question, he found his entire staff of assistants on the sidewalk enjoying the questionable melody of an itinerant musician across the way. Without ap­ pearing to notice his subordinates, the merchant crossed over to the musician and said: "How much will you charge to come into my store and play until 13 o'clock?" "One dollar," was the response. - "All right," said the merchant. *You may come in and begin at once." He led the bewildered player into the back office, where he set him to work. The merchant's face was wreathed in smiles all that forenoon, while the clerks hardly knew what to make of the eccentric reprimand they had received. Their discomfiture was added to every time a customer came in by their em­ ployer remarking, with his blandest smile,-- ' » "You see, we have music here to-day. It is for the benefit of my clerks. They are all very fond of music--remarkably fond of it.5* J -. literal Obedience. An old English gentleman who had risen from the ranks, and, after making his fortune as a charter-master, had re­ tired, fell ill, and summoned a doctor. The doctor was a great imitator of Abernethy, and cultivated an aspect of uncouth honesty. "I shall give no medicine," he said. "You're blowing yourself out with beer; give it up. Drink port. Walk or ride, but don't hang about the house in this idle way. No more beer--drink port. I'll call acain in a month." And away went the doctor. At the appointed time he returned. The patient was much better, and grateful, but grumbled at the expense to which his cure had put him. I cawn't stand it. Look thee--it's downright rewination--nothin' less. Yo'll j^id me in the work-us if things go on i' this way." The doctor cried: "Nonsense? A wealthy man like you! How much do you drink?" The old man answered, in perfect simplicity of heart: "About the saam as I used to drink o' beer--two or three gallin a day." MIRAGES. The Prince and the fetonlrjr. The following incident is related in a private letter in illustration of the steadfastness of the British soldier. When at Gibraltar, Prince Henry climbed the hill, and on approaching the summit at a certain point found himself stopped by a sentinel. "No road this way!" Prince Henry told the man he only wanted to go to the brow of the preci­ pice, so as to see the water on tiie other side. "NM n ̂thoroughfare!" replied the sentinel. "But I am commander of the Irene," said Prince Henry. "All the same; no thoroughfare!' in­ sisted the soldier. But I am a Prussian prince," con­ tinued the commander of the Irene. No thoroughfare [" obdurately replied the sentinel, aud Prince Henry aban­ doned the undertaking. A Cactus Story. Here is on? of W. F. Parish's cactus stories: A San Bernardino youhg man sent to a friend some of the cactuses, natives of the hot, dry soil of a California desert. Some months afterwards he received from his friend a letter, say­ ing : 'I have taken the greatest care of that thorny thing you sent, and kept it constantly watered, but it has died.' Contempt was visible on that desert man's countenance when lie read these words, and he wrote: 'Put the cactus in a pot, put the pot in a stove oven, and shut the door; never let the fire go out, day o/ night, and you will keep up pretty near the same temperature as we have here, where it grows."*--Vickr» Magazine. Mrs. VanderlMlt's ImpioliigBe<L Mrs. Willie K. Yanderbilt is said to have tbe most imposing bed in New York. It revives the ancient style of posts and canopies, and it stands en­ throned as it were on a raised platform two steps high in the center of the room, which has four windows looking out, two on Fifth Avenue and two on 52d Street. The bedstead is of rose­ wood and the canopy used to be lined with an enormous plate glass mirror so that the sleeper could see her face and figure as long as she kept awake, but this vulgar thing has been removed and is now replaced by the more conven­ tional panel of old-rose satin.--Chatter. Discouraging^ "Oh, Edward, I'm so disappointed I could cry," wailed the young wife. "What's the matter, darling? Don't be discouraged. We all have things go contrary at times." "It 's so aggravating. I started out to make an apple pie, and I think I must have changed off to a cheese cake. But as it now looks more like a bag pudding than either, I've hai my trou­ ble and expense for nothing." "That's all right, dear. It won't go to waste. We'll simply use the com­ pound for rat poison and start again." Philadelphia Times. Time to FauMs She--Well, you men have a great advantage over women, for if nature gives you a mean or ugly mouth, she also gives you a mustache to cover it, while we go through life with mouth uncovered. He--But the old law of compensation steps right in and evens things up; if a fellow's got bow-legs, now-- She--Mr. Slapjacks!- Chatter. A Fair Price. Miss Beauty (at church fair)--Don't you want some pen-wipers, Mr. jSach ? Mr. Bach--Naw--at a dollar apiece, I presume ? Miss Beauty--Oh, no. The minister said we must not charge more than we thought the things were worth. These The Color Line. Condemned Prisoner (down Sonth)-- See here, what does this mean ? Iam told that two niggers are to be hung at j were made by that horrid Miss Pert, the same time as I am. Sheriff--Yes, on the same gallows, at the same moment. Prisoner--Now, see here; I don't want to die alongside of a couple of niggers. Can't you hang me sepa­ rately ? Sheriff--Well, the best I could do would be to swing you off quietly the day before, and then give out that you'd committed suicide. Prisoner--The day before! . Humi Come to reflect, I think it's about time this race prejudice was obliterated in and I think they are worth about ten for a cent.--New York Weekly. THE best helper in trouble, the best guide to' the erring, is not one who is utterly unnerved by the distress which his sympathy causes him. Like the skillful surgeon, his head must be clear and his hand steady if he is to probe to the seat of the trouble and administer efficient relief. A CYNICAL ^-oniau pays most men are like colds, verV easily caught but very difficult to gefwid of. lit flMttni PKantom of L»ke«i lUvers and Hills. In the old times, Iwhen everything unexplainable was pronounced super­ natural, it is easily understood why the mirage was regarded with awe as well as wonder. Yet the phenomenon is as simple in its origin as the rainbow. A mirage may occur at any place where the denser stratum of air is placed above the lighter stratum, thus refracting the rays of light, the com­ mon surface of the two stratums acting as a mirror. In looming mirages distant objects show an extravagant iucrease in vertical hight without alteration in breadth. Distant hummocks of ice are thus mag­ nified into immense towers and pin­ nacles, and a ship is sometimes abnor­ mally drawn out until it appears twelve or thirteen times as high as it is long. Rocks are seen drawn up ten or twelve times their proper hight. Houses, as well as human beings and animals, ap­ pear in like exaggerated shape. Another form of mirage is when«a ship, or some other object near ffie water, seems greatly elongated, and a second inverted image meets it from above. Sometimes the proper image of the object is elevated far above the lake or sea, while the second image strangely appears inverted beneath it, the whole surrounded by a sheet of sky which is mirrored and repeated within it. In 1822, in the artic region, Capt. Score3by recognized,by its inverted im­ age in the air, his father's ship, the Fame, which afterward proved to be seventeen miles beyond the visible horizon of his observation. Mirages are very frequeut on deserts or the large sandy plains which abound in the southwestern States and Terri­ tories. Many a panting wagon train has pushed on in joyous haste at the sight of a green grove or limpid lake, only to be cruelly disappointed at the fading away of the vision. Is it any wonder that the natives and the Indians regard the phenomenon as the work of evil and tantalizing spirits? Lake Ontario is famous for beautiful and wonderful mirages, during which the opposite (Canadian) shore of the lake is plainly visible. Not long ago a perfect mirage was witnessed from Os­ wego, in the afternoon. It extended from a point nearly opposite Oswego City to Cape Vincent, at points on the Jefferson County shore. A vessel has been seen sailing along the horizon with the hull uppermost, visible at Lake Bluff. Accompanying the appearauce of the ship was that oi mountains and lulls, as though the Ca­ nadian shore was coming into view. A puff of wind apparently caused the whole phantasmagoria to melt away as if by magic. In Syracuse, a distant city, a remark­ able mirage was witnessed by man;? persons. It lasted two hours, and wai best observed from University Hill, looking northwest over Onondaga Lake. Lake Ontario was plainly visible, and stretching out at an angle of twenty- five degrees of the horizon it looked1 like an ocean. Portions of Rochester^, and: sections of the country lying south of it, have been seen out in the lake six. and ten miles distant, as though the-city were standing erect in the air. Trains of moving cars and other objects were clearly defined, the aerial phenomena continuing for nearly an hour,. The Life of a Funny LectureN The lecture platform (alack that it should be so) is become- a booth in "Vanity Fair." and they that stand therein have wares to sell. And there be some of us standing in the market place who morn that tbe passer-by may lament unto us; some of us there be who pipe that the light of hear"; may dance. And others still are there, good as the best of those who toil, and stand idle even unto the eleventh hour because no man hath hired them. But alike are thev all in the market place. The lecture business is a "business." The lecturer invests--comparatively speak­ ing--much in it. He causes to be made a lithograph of himself which resembles him, "as the mist resembles rain" or a silver dollar resembles the Goddess of Liberty. He compiles a book of "press notices," so uniformly aud extrava­ gantly laudatory that we might fear he stood in danger of the woe pronounced upon us when all men shall speak well of us, did we not suspect that the press notices undergo a rigid civil-service ex­ amination, and that only the fittest for the business survive the ordeal of natural selection. He salaries an adr vauce agent, or nestles under the wing oi a lecture bureau. He provides for himself many changes of raiment, ex' ra sandles, and scrip for his purse; He pays ful railway fares; often he travels hundreds of miles between engage­ ments; he eats when he has oppor­ tunity and there is aught to eat;.lie goes to bed when the committee is too sleepy to sit up in his room any longer; he passes sleepless nights on freight trains, he endures, because he must, the mad­ dening roar, aud racket, and rusk, and jar of railway trains, day after day, months in succession; he lives without companionship; there is no time to read; he hears no lectures save his own, and of them perhaps he grows a-wearv. He attends no concerts, no theater, he sees little of his friends, less of his family.-- Robert J. Burdette, in the Forum. The Ue»rse-l)rlTer'» I*anie. An old gentleman who was relating to me some time ago reminiscences of his youthful days gave me this story, whose outlines may appear familiar to our "old settlers." There used to be seen around Bangor in former days a sidewalk capitalist, of somewhat the same turn of mind as our illustrious contemporary, "Dan" Thompson. He went by the euphonious name of "Jabe" Pond, and for many years had been supported by the .town. But he always chose his own s eeping places. Jabe disappeared one evening when the chill of autumn was keen and was not seen during the next two days. A hearse, the only one in town, was to be used early in the morning at a funeral in the country. It was necessary for the driver to begin his drive during the night. He went to the stable, hitched up his horses and drove away with the hearse. He had gotten well out of town and was ascending a hill when he heard something slipping in the hearse. A moment later there came a loud howl and the driver looking back beheld a form in a winding sheet, wildly waving its arms. Terrified and panic-stricken, the driver leaped from his seat and fled up the hill. Pond--for it was old Jabe --gathered up the reins, got on the seat and drove back to town. He unhitched the horse3, backed the hearse into its usual place, re-arranged the winding clothes and calmly resumed his inter­ rupted slumbers. He had found a lodging-house which suited him per­ fectly, and was not going to give it up for a funeral. --Bangor News. A MAO RIDE. How tli« Pafmenger* on a Wild Ki|ia* Were Saved by an Oiled Track. "Talk about fast time," said a rail- read man on the Missouri Pacifie train the otner day to his companion, "but I have never heard of a trip that would beat one I made myself some years ago, nor of any half so exciting. I formerly lived at Garret, Ind., the terminus of the central division of the Chicago di­ vision of the Baltimore & Ohio Rail­ road. I had little to do and made the railroad yards my loafing headquarters. At that time tbe 'Bi!ly-0' had an ar­ rangement with the Wabash to trans­ fer all New York freight at Auburn Junction, nine miles distant, to the east of us. This was done by the old switch engine, the 042, which made two trips to tbe junction daily. WTeil, one day I climbed aboard a box-car when the en­ gine left with a few cars of merchan­ dise to transfer. There were six' of us in the party--four yardmen, another fellow and myself. We had a jolly time going down; made the transfer, and were to come back 'light,' that is, with nothing but the engine. We had all crowded on the tender ; the signal was given, and Gent Potter, the engi­ neer, threw himself forward, pulled at the throttle-valve, and the engine jumped forward as if shot by a catapult. We did not think much of this at the time, as Gent was a fine engineer and handled the engine to suit his fancy. The tender rocked as if on hinges. We went tearing over the railroad crossings and frogs in a man­ ner that was frightful. Some­ thing must be wrong, we thought, as Gent was placing our lives in jeop­ ardy. Climbing over the coal, we found the cab full of steam, and Gent and the firemen hanging at the side of the engine. " 'Jump, boys,'said they, 'jump, for God's sake! The throttle-valve is pulled clear out, and the engine is run­ ning wild.' "To jump would have been instant death. As one of the boys said after­ ward, the telegraph poles looked like a fine tooth-comb. The mile posts flew by with unseemly rapidity. The yard foreman claimed that a mile was cov­ ered in thirty-eight seconds, aud not one would doubt his word. St. Joe was in sight. Would the track be clear? Only three miles to Garrett, witlints net-work of tracks, switches and spurs! The steam-guage regis­ tered ninety pounds. There were no hopes of the engiue dying out in five or six minutes. With presence of mind the foreman dashed off a few words: " 'Engine wild. Telegraph Garrett to clear track.' "This he dropped as we gassed St. Joe and the operator, clear to compre­ hend tbe situation, sent it to the dis­ patcher on the east end, without a 'call,' as we learned afterward. There was Garrett in sight, with its tall chimneys belching forth smoke; there were the yards filled with freight cars and en­ gines. As we got closer we could see men hurrying hithei' and thither. The other yard engine was rushing madly to the west end of the yard. The main track was clear. We passed the depot like a pursued! victim. Pale faces watched u» in our mad flight. We passed the railroad shops and hundreds eame running to see the eause of the commotion. The engine was in a quiver; the bell was ringing wildly with each sway of the engine; the escaping steam whistled as if demented,, and fires blazed from the hot boxes. Then we saw something that made us think we were- doomed. The switch to the coal chute wae open,, and the long ascent could only end in our destruc­ tion. We looked again,saw men working on the track, and then we knew we were saved. What were they doing? Why, 61ess my soul,, friend, those fellows were oiling the track up the chute. We struck the ascent and slid up about 100 feet and then the old 642 stood still and the wheels flew around; sparks came from beneath them like from an emery wheel. Gradually the- engine slid down, the wheels still in the for­ ward motion, and thus the engine died out. We all suffered a severe shock to our nervous system, but had it not been for the presence of mind of the Master Mechanic, who ordered the oil i poured on the chute track, I might not have been here to-day." "And) how fast did you go?" " Weil, the first six miles were made in less thau five minutes; the last three were made in much slower time as the steam was exhausting itself rapidly.-- Si. Louis Globe-Democrat. Ihtt Columbian KxpwItlMi. The- Columbian Exposition, or World's Fair, to be held in Chicago, in 1893, should represent the condition of horticulture in this country in general and in detail, and the allied sciences of botany and entomology should present a complete ser, of specimens of at least all speeies of native plants and insects which have any horticultural interest. It is time to inquire how such collec­ tions can be formed and how exhibited. These problems are somewhat compli­ cated by the facts that many of the specimens, especially fruits and flowers, are of a perishable nature, and that they are in a perfect or presentable con­ dition at different times, according to their seasons of maturity and the portion of the country where raised. This division should embrace a very complete herbarium of American plants, in which shall be gathered specimens of wood sections of all the trees of the continent and the islands of the west­ ern world; dried specimens of all the plants as far as practicable, and espe­ cially all grasses, and forage, food and economic plants. Scientific societies, and governments should be solicited to make this department as complete as possible. Horticulturists and botanists should work hand in hand to make a comprehensive exhibit. The allied science of entomology must be expected in this connection to make a display of at least the useful aud the injurious in­ sects. The display of fruit and cut flowers will probably be held at various set times to accommodate the season and the various localities. Through what agencies are all these contribu­ tions to be made, and what means will be necessary to secure them? Evi­ dently, horticultural and fruit-growers' societies in all parts of the country will be expected to make preparations to supply the products of all kinds of gardening skill, and, besides, botanical, entomological and microscopical socie­ ties must be invited to supply from their collections. We shall naturally look to the Agricultural Department at Wash­ ington to supply in large quantities both insect and herbarium specimens. To arrange the details of the horticultural exhibits, as here roughly indicated, will require the best talent educated in this special line, and probably some persons connected with the Agricultural Depart­ ment and the Smithsonian Institute will be particularly available for advice and active work in this connection. -- Vick's Magazine. Jl. i i AND NONSENO. RF [Called from our Exoh&nges.] 'V *Dl» her father kick?" missed, thank Heaven." IN Texas it is unlucky to find a horse- shoe, if a hor^e happens to be attached to it. . | You get no butter from cream until you work it. It is something that way with a free lunch route. THE gravedigger doesn't have to wait for the berries to get ripe. HfiB can go burying most any time. WIFE --What do you suppose baby thinking about ? Brute of a Husband- I 'spose he's thinking what to cry at to-night. Harry--Have yon a standing accourffc at Trustem's? Henry--No, it's a run­ ning one. Yonder comes Trusteu now. Good-by. FIBST MATE--Well, sir, ° things anfr' going smooth now, sir. Captain--Yet. That is because several of the sailoi* have been ironed. ' ' "IT'S pretty tough luok," complained the big trunk, "to find yourself com­ pletely strapped just when you are starting off on a long journey." To THE POINT.--He--(falling on his knees)--Ob, Mary, may I address you on the subject of marriage! She--You may if you can dress me after mar­ riage. i "I SAW the new picture of Johnson in the artist's studio." "Look like him?* "I can't say; it was just finished; it wasn't dry." "OI then it can't be like Johnson. "YOUR daughter is making rapid pro­ gress in Tape & Co.'s store, I hea»\* "Oh, yes. She went in as 'cash,'then she became a 'bundle girl' and now she's a 'saleslady.'" "You are weak," said a woman to her son, who was remonstrating against her marrying again. "Yes, mother, I am," he roplied, "I pm so weak that I can't go a step-father." BEOGS--1 wonder why Mrs. Jaggs won't let her husband employ a female typewriter operator? FOGGS--Don't you know ? She was his former type­ writer operator herself. CHICAGO Teacher--Yes, corned bee is one of our most famous exports Now, who can tell me what stands next to corned beef? Boston Little Boy (triumphantly)--Cabbage! WIFE--Miss Browne was here thin afternoon. Husband (a writer)--Did she stay long? Wife--Not very. She left rather hurriedly as soon as I began to read some of your poetry aloud. BESIDES other labors the women of Fiji have to do all the fishing. This is a fair equalization of labor. The women catch the fish and the men tell the stories. This gives eaeb a chance. A THOROUGHBREP. -- Mike--Whist, Pat, I've got a new goat. Pat (mis­ understanding)--Phat kind of a coat, Mike; swallow-tail? Mike---Oh! he got no tail at all, but he'll swallow anything." A MORNING CALL.--Mrs. Pattangill (to neighbor who just "dropped in")--• No, Elviry, I can't say--no, raily I can't--that I enjoy goin' to funerals* 'ceptin', of course, -when it's eae- of oa>y- own folks. CAUSE for Suspicion. "Say, Bob- betts, did you ever propose to my wife ?" " Why do you ask ?" "Oh, be­ cause, when I gave her your love, as you told me to in your letter, she said, 'Chestnuts.'" HE--Well, I suppose it's all settled; I am told Tom has. named his new boat for you. She--Yes, I believe it is settled. He--Do you know the name the boat bears ? She--Cora, of course. He--No, The Jilt. A MORNING paper discusses "What Girls Should Learn." Some of them ought to learn to osculate without making noi^e enough to bring the Gov­ ernor down-stairs to see if the hall- lamp had exploded. HOUSTON (of Idaho)--I've finally settled that $500 I've owed Hank Jones for so long. Mrs. Houston--I'm sc glad! But where did you get the money? Houston--Didn't have no money. I just shot Jones. MR. BROWN (to stranger who has saved him from drowning)--My dear, good friend, I'll never forget you as long as I live. Come up to my store and get some nice, clean, dry clothes. I'll let you have them as cheap as any­ body. The Origin of Visiting Cards. As is the case in many other instances, we owe the invention of visiting cards to tbe Chinese. So long ago as tbe period of the Tong dynasty (618-907) visiting cards were known to be in use in China, and that is also the date of the introduction of the "red silken cords" which figure so conspicuously on the engagement cards of that coun­ try. From ancient times to the present day the Chinese have observed the strictest ceremony with regard to the paying of visits. The cards which they use for this purpose are large and of a bright red color. When a Chinaman desires to marry, his parent# intimate that fact to a professional umatehr~s maker," who thereupon runs through a list of her visiting acquaintance and se­ lects one whom she considers a fitting bride for the young man; and then she calls upon the young woman's parents, armed with tiie bridegroom's card, on which are inscribed his ancestral name and the eight symbols which denote the day of his birth, if the answer is an acceptance of bis snit, the bride's card is sent in return; and should the oracles prophesy good concerning the union, the particulars of the engagement are written on two large cards, tied to­ gether with the red cords.--Toronto Times. . •'Coining Thro' the Kye." The Atlanta Journal has received the following inquiry: Did Burns mean a river called "Rye" or a field of grain of that name when he wrote his song of "Coming Thro' the Rye ?" Burns found this old song, replies the Journal, as he did the song of "Auld Lang Syne" and others, floating in the mind of the common people of Scotland, and gave to it the brilliance and grace of his own genius. The j>oem is founded upon a singular custom in connection with the crossing of the little river Rye. This is a shallow stream, crossed bv means of stepping stones. "If a laddie met a lassie coming through the Rye," and he kissed her, it was plainlv no­ body's business 'but theirs, and the custom permitted it The lassie in crossing was not in a position to resist such little passages of love, as she had to use her hands to hold up her skirts. Hence the lines iu the song: I>rags?led all her petMooatla Coming through the Bjr* Clearly it was a stream ihat was meant, as any reading of the poem and a little knowledge of Scotland will fhow.--Exchange.