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tE, Editor and Pub. ILLINOIS TON'T WAIT. Li . to Myofa.aiML , i,-,. 11*1(3 to test. " '-1 ,v • • • fairoiHSB . J.fct b»«t- ISltet now drooping lomlf (tfce mountain side, J • had but ahone to-day i Ji d espied. .Av!' I to give to the LfWB Martha cry ;?hv i this wilderness, ibak may die. • -ny»i i'tMnyltM laments •• v. •<$* -,u j|i"want8 to allay; • ., t -.Ood'B poor from the taftWS* «oort i lor mercy one. day. ; . j , , \ tat another to bear tba btidw • v t irkaoiun load; J .extend t • a stricken Meal _Ju adctan life s road. _jfi» anything c-od to say Of A lhan. frmit till tie's laid u» rest; lyWlogy spoken when hesrt'a O* Mw®; k«npty thins at beat. Mfltilobe. *-• * tc* ¥ BOTKINE BATH. the morning of a Sultry July Fror. Botkine of tfle University ifornia was sitting on his front at Berkeley. He was delight- watching the effots of his pet to capture a very large angle- aod his enjoyment was en- by the fact that ftls beautiful an wife, who usually declined to interest herself in anything whrch even suspected of a connection With acieiices was seated beside him, jgimittft eager little pressures to his IBteiS and uttering a pleased exclama­ tion, in her pretty foreign accent, whenever the toad made an extra «fflf*rt The fact was that sh?. while cut- ttat proses, had been the one to 6ee the beginning of the contest, and Alt the proper pride of a discoverer, .pfce "toad had been s tting still, look- •lajf-aH if carved by a Japanese artist* tving no sign that it saw any- The worm gave a little wrig- 1t began to come out of the wLjd. quick as a flash, the ade a leap and seized the end 4>f the worm in its mouth. vr.'Then began a tug-of-war. livery time that the toad gave a pull, the drew ba£k. But the toad «ias not to be discouraged. It jerked sad jerked, until it fairly stood on its hind legs. Still, it could not dis­ lodge the worm. At this interesting point a train whistled. ••Why, Selma!" said the professor, fthere is the train already. 1 bad «quite forgotton that I must go to the ""̂ trlfco-day, Where is my hat?" wait, an instant, dear; just see this toad is doing," she an- holding him back. 1 need down and saw the toad leg about until the worm twice around it. then ve a hop, and out came in, was Mr. Smith's own on "Bacteria." Mie was the vanity of authors. He would at least, take this down to see if any passage* were marked, and might be lured Into the perusal, of some other books. Mrs. Hot-kin pinned on the wall ^some colored illustrations of various forms of bacteria, and then surveyed jtbe effect with the calm satisfaction of a general who foresees the success of his man>-uvers, the sighed re* gretfuily that she could *not bring herself to introduce into the room a few samples of the "germ culture" that her husband was carrying on, but she felt that she mast draw the Jine at living germa She smiled again. To be sure, Mr. Smith might think Jier hus­ band rather eccentfic in pursuing his Studies in this room, but he would jbertainly feel that he had found a congenial spirit in a man who could not tear himself away from his be­ loved bacteria even in his bath. She had done all she could. With this virtuous feeling she was able to go about her o cupations for the day, and in the afternoon even banish the thought of her expected guest enough to take a quiet nap. She was awakened by a knock at her door, and the maid handed her a card b*ai*?ng the seemingly innocent inscription, **Mr. Worthington Smith." V';-,J She was filled wftli i nervous fear, and her heart beat fast as she walked down the stairs. She lingered out­ side the drawing-roqni as long as she dared, and then, putting her trust in the bath-room, walked in and greeted her visitor with a smile of timid wel­ come: He did not look at all alarming. she was surprised to see that he was young, darkly handsome, and dressed with more regard to fashion than the scientific mind generally deigns to bestow. He saw her timid air and blonde beauty with evident admira­ tion. After the first polite common­ places, Mr. Smith smilingly observed! '•Prof., Botkine's recent researches hi}ve * been of such interest to scientific men that they must lay him open to a great deal of persecu­ tion from inquiring admirers, but had been too fascinating a fjgectacUrto the unwarry professor. »edcshei| into the house and back kissed his wife, and, with a bft}< glance at her rippling hair slue eyes, started off. tly he rushed back. dear,, ' he cried, <(I foijcot ryou that Mi! hmith, the Can- who wrote the paper on sria, will be here this afternoon to stay a day or two. He may come before I am back." She clasped her hands in mock des­ pair. "But what shall 1 do with him?" she wailed; -'you know lean dot talk science and pollvwogs!" fOb, don't be alarmed. He isn't ao verydrie i up. Just let him have a good soaking in a bath-tub. Then lie will come out perfectly human and bappy. He's an Englishman, you know," ami the professor, with a laughing glance at his little wife's rue ut expression, threw dignity and bis coat-tails to the winds as he madly ran down the street, "looking, like a great black bird of prey," as Mis. Botkine laagblngly remarked to Jhefself. iBut she grew sober as she thought boi» ruth'essly science and scientists «eemed to dog her unwilling foot- Her husband certainly loved IpB# tout he had a way of becoming Utterly absorbed in bis studies, and MMDi bursting into her reflections «ri!& remarks which sounded * posi- ghoulish. He "had appeared oai f yesterday in her own private * sanctum carrying a "horrid snake" toy the tail, and, although he had not yet reached the pitch of Prof. Agassiz •--Who Was said to have consigned in- Caateerpents, for safe-keeping over fliftht* to his wife's boots--she did mot know where his enthusiasm •tnigfe. t lead. "I'm half afraid to go to sleep," *he had roguishly said to hiih one aright. "I'm afraid that your deep­ est interest even in pe is only scientific, and I believe you are capable <*l «utt ng me open to see what queer •thing there is in my heart that I love *auch a tookish old bear with." "Now here was this Canadian com­ ing! And how was she to be properly interested in his old I acteria and not disgrace her husband by betraying her ignorance on the subject?" she asked herself. Manifestly, he most take ft hath, everything possible must be dona to make that bath-room attractive, so that he should stay there as long as possible. Hie went upstairs, and with her own dimpled bauds got tflown a new cake of perfumed soap. ;Sbe eyed it critically. Perhaps his 'Severe scientific mind would be dls- iftustecl with such effeminate luxury. JBerhaps--who knew?--he might dis­ cover even in it the presence of bac­ teria. Hhe bad heard it said that a man with a theo;y finds examples of Its truth in everything about him. Btever mind! She would place be-1 ftiae it a eake Of white castile and one of tar soap, Then, whatever his ! taatev he must be pleased. She put the alcohol and the cologne bottle within easy reach, got out smooth rough towels, and a bath-blanket; that the shower-baih work d: 'with a sigh of relief, went waatuiiltwl some dectdtdlr 51 before her, (• frktm hiw i Vkmr #im To» rait of Fisrht To gull.#* Qwlet Spirit. ! ' • It wai a curious circumstance, And i^SHBwf'in the smoking-car "Oh, not at ail!" she answered, rather incoherently; 'w, rather, I should say, he likes to be persecuted-- that is" iwith some contusion) "he will be delighted to find yon here when he returns. He was so sorry that he had to go to town for a few hours. In the meantime, I hope that you will let me look after you." Mr. Smith thought that he should like nothing better, but contented himself with remarking: "Thank you, very much. Perhaps you would be so kind as to explain to me a few things I should like to kn w about Prot Botkine's theories on bacteria" He was surprised to see a deep flush and a look of distress come ov ?r her face, and, before she could answer, he hastened to add: "But I fear that 1 am trespassing on your tim& Pray, do not let me incommode yon. I have some uncut pamphlets in my satchel here, and will look them over as I wait," and he looked down em­ barrassed. . , A furtive feeling crept for a mo­ ment into her eyes. Then she thought that she could not be guilty of such inbospitalitv#as leaving her guest to shift for himself forced itself upon her. But here he was plunging into science the very first thing and turning shy besides. Oh, she must send him on to that bath! it seemed rather awkward, bnt she nerved her­ self to the effort. "No, Mr. Smith," she said, gayly, "lam sure that I could not tell you anything on the subject, and 1 can not think of leaving you hers alone. You must let me make you comfort­ able. 1 know that after your jour­ ney you would like a bath." He looked amazed and then embar­ rassed. "Thank you, very much, Mrs. Bot­ kine," he stammered, >*butIdo not care at all for a bath. I shall do very well here, and -" "Jfo, no." she said, nervously; ,iI know that you are only afraid that there is no hot water on such a warm day, aud you do not wish to give trouole." He put out his hand and tried to interrupt her, but she shook her head and went on rapidly: "It is all ready. Everything is in, the bath-room, and I will ring for James to show you up." He looked thunderstruck at her in­ sistence. "nut, I assure you, Mrs. Botkfne " he exclaimed, "it is not at ail worth while. I " "Not a word, if yon please, Mr. Smith. You will really annoy me |f you refuse." She thought to herself that he lit­ tle knew how more than annoyed she was at the thought of his possible questions. As the man-servant ap­ peared, be said: "James, take this gentleman's satchel to the guest chamber and show him to the bath-room " Mr. > mltb endeavored to hang back and s&y something, but Mrs. Botkine smilingly waved her hand to­ ward the stairs and walked into an­ other room. She bad looked alter­ nately vexed and triumphant As he followed James Mr. Smith remarked to himself that before this experience he would have vowed that she was too pretty to te eccentric. He bad no wish to bathe, but, fear­ ing to vex her, meekly proceeded to perform his ablutions. bhe, meantime, was vastly relieved. She smiled to hepself at the thought cf how unwilling he had seemed to give the siighest trouole. "1 suppose he thought we Ameri­ cans never had any decent facilities for a bath." s'.e reflected. Then: "He really is remarkably good-look­ ing, for a scientist. If I had not known what he was, I should have thought he was just a nice young fel­ low and rashly tried to get on with him. Oh. if George had not told me :. ., , in time"' She shuddered as she i -Stairs to impress the cook that- thought ot ber escape "the entire afternoon there must ** suppose he will be dried-up-look- ing before long. He is a whited- sepulchre kind of man now. I could not see the slightest sign of baldness ih him, but his seething intellect is bound to cook his hair off in a few Mrs. Botkine,"he to thank ton for your ki make my atflerit." • *Tlrby, IL. GiuiuU---" she began, but he wa^ed big ft*pd apologetically and continued: "I am very sorry not to have found Professor Botkfne tnt perhaps 1 can come again. There is Just time fors me to catch the 5 o'clock train." It was her turn to he astonished. She opened her lips to ape»k, but he went on, nervously: ; ,'f "Pray forgive my leaving you so abruptly. Thank you very much. Good afternoon," and, bowing pro­ foundly, he was goneu For a moment she felt stunned ISien a flood of questions poured through tier mind. Was the man in­ sane? Or what had she done to of­ fend him? What would her husband say? What was there in science to turn an apparently "nice" young man into such a distraught savage? "Ah! recommend me to a plain, commonplace man who hail not bacilli on the brain!" she sighed. , The rest of the day seemed endless, but at last she descried Professor Botkine, and with him a rather desio- cated and "dug-up" looking man. "Oh, dear!" she moaned; "there is another scientist, I know to look at him. What will he do, I wonder? Dissect my cat, or say that he can not dine with us because he never eats anything but bacteria?" •'Here we are at last," said the Professor; '-I found our friend on the: train. He hid mistaken the train and gone to Alameda. Mr. Smith, let me present you to Mrs. Botkine" She welcomed her guest cordially, but the minute she was alone with her husband, she seized him by the lapels of his coat. "What jok • have you been playing on me?" she demanded; "who is this Mr. bmith?" The professor looked astonished. "Why, my dear, there is no loke. This is the Mr. Smith that I told you I was expecting this afternoon. What is the matter?" "Matter!" she cried; "who is the Mr. Smith that came here this after­ noon w.th a satchel, and asked about your theories?" "Why, we m:t him at th3 station.' He had a few specimens to show me. He is the son of my friend, Commo­ dore Smith of San Francisco. He had just run over for a sho t call." "A short call!" she echoed again; "what will he think of me? I sent him upsta rs to take that bath!"--• San Francisco Argonaut.. to "Ii ti&MM but never such thundering Ott«a Armour's folk." M OSMETHING IN THE EYE, Methods t>y Which Foreign PwrtlclM Caa Be Got Bid Of. Never needlessly expose the~<eyes to ONE MILLION LOBSTERS YEARLY The Prodaet of a farm Lying Off the Coast - of Malno. There is a lobster farm--or pound, as it is called--twelve acres in extent at South port, Me. The Boston Globe M « - • IVb OUUbiiUlft JJJtSa JLIie DOSt/OXl foreign particles, but when necessary : deBCril)e8 this pound, the most suc- wear plain glasses or goggles. When - exerimenting with chemicals always turn the mouth of the tube or bottle away from the face and eyes. When­ ever an eye is injured severely place- the patient immediately in a dark room and under the care ot a skilled physician, whose directions must be implicitely followed. The foreign bodies may be solids, as sand, cinders, hair, dirt, etc, lime, acids or alka­ lies. Don't rub the eyes, avoid sud­ den glares of light, never look dircct- ly at the sun. To remove the solid particles from under the lids it is sufficient to pull the lid away from the. eye and to wipe the body with a piece of moist paper or the corner of a handker­ chief; if it is under the upper lid grasp the lid firmly between the thumb and finger, lift It {rom th4 eyeball and draw it down over the lower lid and then allow it to slide slowly back to its natural position. The foreign body will be scraped on the lashes. The operation may be repeated several times. Or lift the lid -fiom the eyeball, allow the tears to accumulate beneath the lid and forcibly blow the nose. Or place in the eye a few grains of flaxseed, which, forming a mucilage, will promptly bring relief. Or place across the upper lip the point of a pencil or bodkin and turn the lid back over it; in this way the foreign particle s brought into distinct view and ca i be readily wiped away. Lime ahd Roman cement are vpry destructive to t^e eyes if permitted to remain aoy considerable time. Wash the eyes immediately with water containing vinegar or lemoo juice. For acids in the eye wash with water containing a little ammonia or baking-soda. For alkalies wash with wster con taining vinegar or lemon tuice.-- Hygienic Doctor. 6y of hot water in the boiler, jnly a happy thought struck went into ber husband's brought out every book on that she could find, i ranged on a shelf at the le bath-tub. Standing out Ibejond the other*, as if bat years. bald. Stnit @ii George is a wee bit delightful that Mr. thom my ignorance!" Filling Nail-Holes. Carpenters and paintdts ha>e fre­ quent occasions to fill nail-holes and other defects in the woodwork of houses. Putty is the substance relied upon to do this work, but there are objections to its use. The Scientific American recommends a substitute. The following method of filling up old nail-holes in wood is not only simple, but is said to be effectual. Take fine sawdust and mix into a thick pa*te with glue, pound It into • the hole! and \fhen dry it will make the wood as good as new. One coarespondent saj(« he has fof- • lowed this for thirty years with un­ varying success in repairing bellows, which is the most severe test known. Often by frequent attachment of new leather to old bellows frames the wood becomes so perforated that there Is no space to drive the nails, ; and even if there was the remaining holes would allow the air to escape. A treatment with glue and sawdust paste invarJahly does the Work, while lead, putty, and other remedjfa^l* ways faiL Apples and Plums. In the sixteenth < entury there was a curious enactment in England whereby street-hawkers were for­ bidden to sell plums and apples, for the reason that servants and appren- , tices were unable to resist the sight i of them, and were consequently j tempted to steal their employers' money in order to enjoy the ceetiy I delicacA cessful on the coast, whence 1,000,000 lobsters are shipped each year. The pound is formed by building a solid dam across m tide-water' cove. This dam does not quite rise to high water mark, but across the top is placed a fence of iron rods, preventing the lobsters from escaping. In the spring and fall business is most brisk. When the fishermen bring the lobsters to the pound, the "fish," as they are c&lled, are hoisted to the dam, meas­ ured, and those which are more than ten and one-half inches long, . the legal limit, are thrown in. If a lot- ster is clever his life in the pound may be long and full of joy. If he is stupid he will be fished out with a drag seine and packed in a barrel, With a piece of ice for a pillow, and sent to Boston. The seine is made of stout twine and is weighted at the bottom with a heavy chain. Along the top is a row of corks, which sus­ tain the weight of the seine while the chain drags on the bottom of the pound. A single cast of this seine will bring up lobsters enough to ' fill eleven barrels. The chain as it sweeps along the bottom stirs up the lobsters, which immediately shoot backward into tihe slack twine. In taking them out the men wear heavy mittens, though even then they are often nipped. In the pound the lob­ sters are fed on salt herring, men rowing about in skiffs and pitching the herring overboard. This Is called "feeding the chickens," and it takes about six barrels to make a light luncheon for the flock. There are said to be a number of old, harcl shells in the Southport farm which for years ha ve evaded the casts of the drag. Two of enormous siz£ have become quite tame and crawl about in the shallow water. The age of the lobster is a debated question. *The small marketable specimens are generally supposed to be from 4 to ti years old, but some lobsters are be­ lieved to live to the greeu old age of 25 years. to gatcn on at the same moment On the right-hand side sat a man with a cowboy's hat on, woolen shirt, red necktie, pants in his bootlegs, and a general air of toughnes? Op­ posite him Vat another mats similarly j attired, but with the addition of a grizzly bear's claw for a scarf-pin, pjae'had'JbMjgi. with ^s for over,an hour --tWe fast had just boarded the trail*., , ; These two men at once bpgan to size efcch other lip. and sneer and lo6k sarcastic. Finally the man on the right meanly observed: . ,, . j «'I reckon your bag of Injun scalp9 is in the baggage car, eh?" "Yes, but my guns are yerel" promptly responded the other. "What's the use of guns onless ye know how to shoot?" , "What's the use of gab if you don't back it up?" : They were now hot and ready fpr more, and it soon came. "Out on our ranch we size slch fellers as you up for fish bait," said the right-hand man. | "is that so? Wall, out On our i>anch we don't wait to size up chaps like you. We knows 'em a mile away fr>r duffers." ; "Take that back!" • j ; "Never!" ' 7<»v. They both sprang of course, we rushed forward to stop the fight. Near by was a man who had been trying to get to sleep/to cure a headache. He sprang up, peeled off his coat, threw down his hat and shouted at the two terrors: "Both of you sit down!" as if death wasn't five feet away. 'They dropped back on the seat like bags of sand, and he stood over them and demanded of the one on the right: ' * "Where do you camp when you're, at home?" . •'In Ohio," tfks the meek '•And you?" ••In Ind ana." "I guess that's right That's about the way I sized you up. Just a word to you. Shut right up, Don't peep another peep about b'ars, Injuns, or ranches or shootin'. You have made me tired and if there's any more of it I'll drop both of you off this car into the ditch!" He went back to his seat to nurse his headache, and the two terrois sat s > quietly for the next hour that some of us wandered if they had been scared to death. Later on one of them fondly caressed his b'ar-ciaws and the other read a dime novel, and they were* at peace With alI the world.--Detroit Free Press. A Greedy Cormorant. If the house builder were content with a dwelling adjusted to his in­ come--a compact muse In which ex­ penses could be kept well in hand-- of ttlleortr rAjnlHnnr f»pm HvJr?" b®yoB(! h,i° saescf j nilsrht b? avoided. A big house is one of the greediest cormorants which can light upon a little income, writes Edward Sanford Martin. A house will have things, though its occ)HMtntg go with­ out It develops antffeal thirsts for paint And wall paper, at least, if not for marble and wood carving. The plutnbidg in it must be kept in order on pain of death. Whatever price is put on coal, it has to be heated in winter, and if it is rural or suburban, the grass about it must be cut even though funerals in the family have to be put off for the mowing. Some­ thing is always out of order. The master of a house too big for him must spend his leisure in acquiring and putting into practice fag ends of the arts of the plumber, the bell- hanger, the locksmith, the gas-fitter, and the carpenjber. Presently he will know how to no everything that can be done in a house, except to enjoy himself. He will learn about taxes and water rates, and how such abomi­ nations as sewers or new pavements are always liable to accrue at his ex­ pense. As for the mistress,*she will be a slave to carpets and curtains, wall paper, painters, and women who come in by the day to clean. When nature undertakes to provide a house it fits the occupant Animals, which build by instinct, build only what they need, but man's building in­ stinct, if it gets a chance to spread itself at all. Is boandless, just as all his instincts ar& Saved the Setter^ ^He jumped that high," said l>r. W. H. Daly, holding his band as high as the upper corner of his beard, "with the snake banging to his 'ear. I cnt the piece out where the fangs had stuck, and all the time of the operation the snake stood his ground, coiled up in the grass within a few feet and, sounding his rattle vicious­ ly, as though he was indignant at us for interfering with his business. Die?, No. We bad to haul him six miles to an Indian haying camp to get any whisky and then we didn't get it 1 gave a quarter of a tea- spoonful of aqua ammonia every hour in a glass of water and he is as good a setter dog now as ever he was." The doctor has just returned from a hunting trip on the Yankton Indian leservation, and was narrating some of his interesting experiences to a friend as he walked along Smithfield street. "Who composed the party?" he was asked. "Gen. Miles and Gen. Barlow, and Frederic Remington, the artist and a few others, most of them regular army officers," "Do you want that snake story believed?" asked his friend after a few moments' consideration. "Believed? Why, man, it's as ti<ue as gosDel. Of course I expect it to be believed.". "Then when you tell it again either leave out the regular army or else leave Qut that part about having to go six miles for whisky.--Pittsburgh Dls. patch. - , Author's Copy. Notwithstanding the lapse of time, Sir Walter Scott still occupies a com­ manding position among our novel­ ists In early life he wrote alegible hand, though being Aclerk foredoomed his father's aonl to oross. Who pens a stanza when he should engross, His stanzas displayed more character than his cbirography. Toward the close of his career, when the great mind 'became obscured, his manu­ script was crabbed, blurred, and al­ tered so as to be almost unreadable. Fenimore Cooper appears to have written his numerous novels with a burnt stick. Nathaniel Hawthorne's handwriting was irregular and indis­ tinct Dickens says he never copied, always sending the original draft of his works to the printer. The printer, however, would have been better pleased if Dickens had copied, for his manuscript is written in a galloping, slapdash style, frequently blurred and altered, arid very difficult for the compositor to set up. W. M. Thackeray's manuscript is entirely the reverse. It is free from blots and erasures, the writing is clear, regular, and nearly upright, the words well apart--in short, a pleasure to read.--Chamber's Journal. What Impressed Hl^ Here's a good story at the expense of Armour, the big tinned-meat man of Chicagu Mayor Gilroy of New York, while on a visit to Chicago, went Over Armour's tplace. While standing with the manager at a window overlooking a great yard,, be saw a herd of oxen driven in. A few minutes later there was a great rattie and crash; which turned out to be the result of hundreds of tins fall- in down a chute, ; "What's in those tins?" hr asked the manager. •* ^ *"Ob," was the reply, "they contain all that's left of those bullocks you just saw driven by!" "Indeed." said tne Mayor. "That is simply marvelous! 1 make a note of it." And producing a note-book he rap­ idly scribbled down something, while the manager winks at an assistant worKing at a neighboring desk. When the New Yorker got back to ^ h s hotel that evening he was inter­ viewed b> a Chicago pressman who, among other .uestions said: "I believe you have b$en to Ar­ mour's place to-day; what do you ^think of it?" "Well," said the Mayor slowly, "I was much impressed with Armour's concern, see--here is a note I made Of the occurrence that struck me particularly;" and producing his note- .book be turned to the entry that he had made at Armour's and |handed it The'Show All Over. The task of singing before Royal# is one that upsets the composure of the most self-possessed performers. The Queen Is a kindly and attentive auditor, but she often interrupts the entertainment by, requesting informa­ tion ooncerning methods that seem bizarre and inaitistic to her old- fashioned notions. During a per­ formance at Windsor of one of Sir Arthur Sullivan's operas, she sum­ moned Mr. D'Oyly Carte to her side, and ask him sharply:-- "Why does this young person shake at the end?" referring to the reitera­ tion of two notes, an embellishment frequently used by certain singers. "By your leave, your Majesty, was the reply, •'Bhe Is not shaking at the end alone, but all over."--London Tit Bits. ; • ^rn . . in the Desert . When Mr. David Lindsay returnefl from his expedition across a part of the Australian desert some time ago, he said the whole of that almost waterless country was inhabited by natives who get their w^ter-supply by draining the roots of the mgllee-tree, which yield'quantities of pure water. This tree, absorbing moisture from the air, retains it, in considerable quantities in its roots, and thus makes it possible to live in an arid reg on, which would otherwise be un inhabitable. DR. CAUTER, the great shot says: "Hit an orange in the eenter and it will vanish frcm sight" People have often noticed that the orange vanishes pretty rapidly when at­ tacked on the circumference. A fkssimest, walking with h» wife and niieetlng a whole school of girls said sorrowfully: "Heavens and earth! The poor men! Wfeat a crowd of future mother-in-laws. prominent pe positions. As , fact we find in an EngMUr, ^ somewhat amusing aneedote of Mr. Chamberlain, who »represent# a Birmingham constituency in the Hous« of fVimmnnn in 'RHHoh. p&rijiMiimtt- It- that when Mr. Chamberlain was made a Cabinet Minister he got hundreds of requests for his autograph. For a time be Answered each one in an autograph note, but the labor involved became so great that finally he had a printed form prepared running: "Your re­ quest of such a date complied with." Then when an autograph request came in he simply signed this form and let it go at that. One day a tali, raw-boned' War­ wickshire man walked into his office. "Morning," said he. "Good morning," said Mr. Cham­ berlain, looking up. "I came for that place you promised me," said the countryman after an awkward pause. "Place? I promised you no place," said Mr. Chamberlain. "Yes, you did," insisted the coun­ tryman, stoutly. "I've gOt your promise in your own handwriting." With that he handed out one of the autograph replies--*.?Your request of- such a date." "But, man alive," said Mr. Cham­ berlain, "that was in response to a request from you for my autograph." "No, 'twasn't," said the man. "I never asked for no autograph, 1 want a place; that's what I wrote for." Mr. Chamberlain had the man's letter hunted up, and. sure enough be found that It was a formal appli­ cation for a place. "Here," said the perplexed Minu­ ter emptying into his big hands all the money he had in his pocket "I can't give you a place; 1 haven't any to give. '* And with that the man had to be content.--Harper's Young Peop'e. • Racing with an Avalanche." Let Mr. Tuckett himself describe that thrilling race for life. 1 4*1 remember," he writes, "being struck with the idea that it seemed as though, sure of its prey, it wished to play with us for a while, at one moment letting us imagine that we had gained upon it, and were get­ ting beyond the line of its fire, and the next, with mere wantonness of vindictive power, suddenly rolling out on its right a vast volume of grinding blocks and whirling snow, as though to show that it could out­ flank us at any moment it choose. •'Nearer and nearer it came, its front like a mighty wave about to break. Now it has traversed the whole width of the glacier above ua; taking a somewhat diagonal direc­ tion; and now--run, oh! run, if ever you did, for here it comes straight at us, swift deadly and implacable! *iThe gext instant we saw no more; a wild confusion of whirling snow and fragments of ice--a frozen cloud--swept over us, entirely con­ cealing us from one another, and still wp were untouched--at least I knew that I was--and still we ran. Another half-second and the mist had passed, and there lay the body of the monster, whose head was still careering away at lightning speed far below us, motionless, rigid, and harmless." The danger was over, and the party examined the avalanche at their lei­ sure. It had a length of 3,^00 feet, an average breadth ot 800 feet and an average depth of five feet This is to say, its bulk was 611,'000 cubic yards, and its weight on a moderate computation, about 450,000 tons.-- McClure's Magazine: (Jetting the Best of ' " " Some years ago there was a number of army otticers staying at* a hotel In Washington. Among them were a Capt. Emer­ son and a Capt Jones. Emerson and Jones used to have a good deal of fun together at the table and elsewhere. One day at the dinner-table, when the dining-hall was well filled, Capt Jones finished his dinner first, got up, and walked almost to the dining-hall door, when Emerson called to him in a loud voice: "Hallo, Captain! See here; 1 want to speak to you a n*inute." The Captain turned and walked back to the table, and bent over him, ( when Emersoh whispered, "i wanted • gold.^I'm a sucker. to ask you how far you would have gone if I had not spoken to you?" The Captain never changed a mus­ cle, but straightened up, put his lin­ gers into his vest pocicet, and said, loud enough for everybody to hear him: "Capt Emerson, I don't know of any man in the world I would rather lend $5 to than you; but the fact is, I haven't a cent with me to-day," and he turned on his heel and walked away. Emerson was the color of half a dozen rainbows, but he had to stand it i • 1 ^ igfv -,w-. Snake and Dor. , 7 ' While Mr. L. T. Mercer IHfMtt- ton. Ga., was at work in the field his little pet dog bayed a large rattle­ snake near by. The dog kept bark­ ing and playing with his snakeship until he decided there was no harm in his newly-made acquaintance. Upon this decision the little creature rushed forward. The snake strucR the door fairly between the eyes and held to him until shot to pieces. When the rattler struck the dog the animal set up a howl for relief. Mr. Mercer seized his gun and hurried to the scene. On his arrival he found the dog in a very embarrassing posi­ tion, and shot the snake loose from his hold. After killing the reptile he picked up his dog and hurried to the house. There he drenched his little pet with alum water, and says that so thoroughly did the water Kill the poison that the animal suffered no pain, nor was the slightest swelling visible. v No Assimilation. There has been hopes that the ln- 3lan natiops would gradually become assimilated to the meth ds of Ameri­ can politics, but such expectations are now shown to have been ill- founded. The Governor of the Chick- • law nation has refused to accept M,- D00 in legal fees that bad been placed I to bis ored it--Pittsburgh Dispatch. !|im ifvas old whether he got rlcb Wbeu I«ewlstO<i (&&) Journal. there's a tale bangs thereby. < Y3!3' £=£, jfuavujaaiicr, Xarmcx . auu ui'SUtvt in North Jay for a good many yearn is more or less of a joker, and once he put up a job on the community. AWay back early in the '60$ Mr. Lelandhad a cuff with California life. After a more or less eventful experience lnthe mines he returned to the peaceful scenery of North Jay and settled down* -atooag his old neighbors. There's a brook that runs through North Jay, across a fertile farm, *nd in the bed of the brook is sand. Why shouldn-t there be gold there? One dtyr Mr. Leland waa down at the store and the conversation drift­ ed around to mining. "Seems as though, if 'twas worked right that a feller ought to find gold around somewhere else 'sides forny," said the man from down the river road. "Wal jest how do they wash for gold, anyway?" Inquired que of th^ ne ghbors. "Perhaps I can show yon jnst how. Did you ever have any idea that there was gold out In that brook ̂ 'sudden­ ly asked the returned Californian. ?, v ••No: why, do you think there jj^£- came the excited chorua - 4 •; >>?•*:• ••Well, of course it's only guefs* work with me, neighbors, but some­ how or other 1 have had a sort of im­ pression that there is gold there. "I'll tell you what I'll do; I'll getdnf tools at the house and wash out a ftow- panfuls of gravel. It won't do any hurt and it will give you a chance to see how placer mining is carried on.1': Now, when Mr. Leland had re* turned from California bO brought back a few ounces of dust and nug­ gets. When he called at the house to secure his pan and shovel ho tucked a few tiny lumps of gold be­ neath his tongue; A very inspiring audience had * as­ sembled at the brookside. and they watched Leland with intense inter­ est as he delved in the sand. The first panful was washed carefully, but no yellow glitter appeared In th$ bottom ot the pan. "Here," said v«he examiner to . a N broad -shouldered neighbor,. **take this shovel and dig deeper in that gravel." • OPretty soon a dafk stratum ifcas struck and a few shovelfuls of this were thrown into the pan, ••When you find goldL it's apt be in the dark gravel," said Lo- land, and it sounded as though jhe was pretty sure that gold was in this particular dark gravel. 1 ' ^ Well, there was. t r - • As Leland spoke be slyly spit ihto the pan and continued to wa^h the gravel. At last there was only a titty residuum in the bottom of the pan and amid the breathless interest o? the crowd the miner scooped this out in his fingers. ' "Look at that bovs," said he with well-feigned enthusiasm. "What do yon call it if it isn't gold?" * ^ The tiny bits ?rere passed from hand to hand, were fondled and caressed, and you may b i sure that the prin­ cipal topic discussed al out the fire sides of North Jay that evening was the new found treasure in the sand of the brook. Leland carried, the hoax still fur­ ther. He at once attempted to buy the fafm through which the brook ran, but no, the owner couldn't be induced to sell at any figure. The neighbors often caught glimpses of th$ proprietor of this imaginary El Dorado hustling pans of gravel into the house in order that he might do a little amateur cradling at the kitchen sink. The fame of the North Jay gold- field became noised abroad. People commenced to come and look at the brook and paw among the pebble% The samples of ore were d&rried to Lewiston and shown to experts. These pronounced it gold fast euough, and were fired with tlu spectacle. One old miner in Lewiston, however, smelled something scorching. Asked he suspiciously, "What sort Of a fel­ low is this .Leland?" "He's one of the straightest men in town, that's sure." "Well, these Samples are gold fast enough, but if it isn't California Isn't the derned II /J varmint salting'er on you folks?" •'Don't see what object he'd Iftva in doing it." "Yes, that's all right--but you just go back and tell him what I said. Then you ask him whether it will be worth while for euq to come up and look that thing over fer a specula­ tion." •* ' The neighbor posted back. Leland smiled reassuringly, but with a curious twist in his faoO. "And I want to send him lust a word by return mail," concluded the eager emissary. "Exactly; well, tell him that hi'd better not come up just yet unlesa,he wants to buy a granite mountain." s a i d t h e e x - m i n e r q u i e t l y . f A ? A Fact. ^ 'J »* \ The head of one of the"government establishments gave orders that strict watch was to be kept over • a plot of grass near his bouse, and that nt one was to 1)6 permitted w uasS uvur it A policeman, new to the force and place, was put on guard. That same day the Goventofti * daughter, on ber way to return some visits, and unaware of the order given, took a short cut across the plot of grass. " "Hi there, get off that grass,"Im­ mediately .called out tb$. pqliceman on guard. ? The Governor's daughter in great indignation drew herself up and coat tinued on her way. p ' "Hi! do you bear me,'* shoifted the , man, "will you get off that gra&, or s must I make you?" "Bellow," said the lady, ••do you know to whom you are speaking? I am"--with dignity-- ••the Goveirnoi*0 daughter." Policeman (who suspects a trick:) "J. don't care who you are, whether the Governors daughter or his great- grandmother, but this 1 know, that my orders are thA no one is to cros» over tliis grass but the cow, so off you goes." ' * Tableau! bbJi-i $ m