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smmatmg eptiles1 n 1Kb Gila. Demands of conventional fashion are about to exterminate the whole fam­ ily of lizards in the United States and to make deep inroads upon serpents «f: many kinds. •^Beginning with the dainty little chameleon, held by the tiny gilded chain that is the mark of his captivity, tip to the handbag made of the skin of the diamond back rattlesnake, and car­ ried at the wrist of the woman shop­ ping, it looks as if the reptilian family of the twentieth century is doomed. Bven to the scientist and the econo­ mist some of the representatives of these creeping and crawling things of fhe earth pass into oblivion without regret; to the masses, even, there are Others that will be missed because of their harmlessness, their vivid chang­ ing colors, and their disposition to live their lives in those waste places 2here so -few other things of life are i be found. ' The passing of the alligator from the rivers and swamps of the south Stems to be more surely and quickly certain than does the extinction of Others of the lizard tribe. Years ago he was the despised and feared of all the reptiles that came to the view of the negro in the southern swamps. iOie horrible water moccasin was noth­ ing to the southern darky as compared -$0 tie alligator, even though death from the snake might come the quick­ er and the reptile be lying ten to one la numbers among the logs and in the mud of the sluggish streams and hfcyous. The 'gator always was the armored evil one to the darky, but the southern white man, hunting in the same swampland for deer and bear found the eye of the alligator an ex­ cellent target for his rifle, and in the - tooth of the saurian a beautifully Adapted charger for measuring the gunpowder behind the ball in his muz- ^lie-loading gun. ' v' Thus through all the years the alll- Si-*" Hobaon'a Choice. • writer says: "This tale was told r. hy an old friend more taan forty years ago. He held a commission in her majesty's royal marines on the flag­ ship of the North American squadron. At was a hot day and the young lieu­ tenant, feeling thirsty, asked the Irish steward for some pale ale. 'Is it the , pints or the quarts that ye would like, norr?' asked the steward. 'Are there any pints?' asked my friend, inno- { «ently. 'There are not, sorr,' was the > f decisive answer of tbe steward." ' r>'." A Quandary. ' said a Fayette street ^fouth. "Yes, my boy." * . "Didn't somebody say once, 'The ; *'*' 'pood die young?' " "Yes, my boy." "And haven't you told me that if I |??.«*honor my father and mother my days -Will be long in the land'?" "Y-yefi, my boy." V. "Klhd o' keeps a feller guessin' what gator has been hated and hunted and despised; but after it was discovered that the hide of the creature was worthy of a place in the economy of civilization, and after the adaptability of its skin was shown in artistic hand­ bags, valises and suit cases, alligator hunting became a business and it has continued a business until already the alligator is becoming extinct. Nearly 3,000,000 skins of these creatures were taken in Florida between the years 1880 and 1894, and even now in some sections of the state a pot hunter may bring in a score of skins from a night's hunt But gradually these skins are be­ coming smaller and fewer. A skin that is two feet long must have come from an animal that was at least 15 years old, while one that is twelve feet long is supposed to have come from a saurian seventy-five years after it first broke the shell of the mother egg. It is believed now that the alli­ gator is one of the longest lived of all creatures, not excepting the ele­ phant, and it seems that the creature grows from the time of its hatching to the end of its life. A big alli­ gator for museum purposes may be worth $20; alive, for a menagerie, he may bring his captor double this amount of money. But for the skin of the ordinary 'gator the hunter gets about 75 cents. Recently baby alli­ gators have come into demand as curios, and in the taking of them, hunters have dug up the nests of the creatures and have put the eggs into incubators of hot sand, thus insuring the market supply, but making the fate of the saurian more certain. As soon as the alligator has broken the shell it is killed and mounted. In the rattlesnake of the several varieties the skin of the diamon# back is most valuable, and likewise this species grows to greater lengths. In the desert regions of the great south- The Kiss I Did Not Get. She save consent and bent her heath- I thought her strangely kind-- With pouted lips, "Just one," she said. And then--she changed her mind-- A woman's privilege. Ah, 'twas sad To relinquish it! And yet The sweetest kiss I ever had Was the kiss I did not get. Then how she laughed--the dainty sprite-- And smoothed my scowling brow, I played a churlish part that night; I scarce forgive her now. And yet 'twas better far, I'm sure. Than if our lips had met; For in remembrance will endure The kiss I did not get. So in life: the aims we miss Will shine forever bright. And leave a fragrance like the kiss I failed to get that night. Ah, years may come atld years may go. But ne'er shall I forget The sweetest kiss I'll ever know-- The kiss L did not get. west they grow to enormous lengths. San Antonio, Tex., has long been a market for the skin of the rattlesnake, and hides seven feet long and nine Inches wide at the widest part have been brought in there. Purses and curios arc made of these skins in the main, but from the larger skins hand­ bags are made, finished in the luster- less hues of the snake as it was in life. The python of South America and other snakes of the constrictor family are sought for their hides un­ til their kinds also are threatened with extinction. Various members of the tortoise family have been victims of fashion and wealth for years. Nothing in the cleverest imitations of the shell has ever approached tbe perfections of the tortoise shell comb in its various shapes and styles, and as for terrapin served upon the table, it holds its own with the rarest of wines and the cost­ liest of other delicacies of the world. Aside from the suffering of the saur- lans because of their valuable skins, and shell, and teeth, the table of the pioneer in many sections of the Unit­ ed States and its possessions makes demand upon certain species. In Death Valley, in California, one of the most repulsive looking of the lizard tribe is considered a delicacy of first rank. This is the chuckwalla, a chunky crea­ ture of mottled black, weighing about a pound, and feeding wholly upon the vegetable creations of the scanty soil in which it makes a home. The iguana is the other edible lizard and many of them are found In the Philippines, as well as in Cuba and In South America. It is a most revolting creature in form and color, and it fre­ quently is found measuring three feet in length. Its delicacy of flavor and its unexceptional diet, however, have long made it an unquestioned luxury for the table of the pioneer. The horned toad of the southwest is passing. Really he is of the lizard family, and has the characteristics of the lizard family in that he takes on the general monotonous shade of the soil upon which he lives. If he be found in the black earth of Texas his general tone will be black; if in the yellow sand he will have a yellow tone. But he is at all times harmless and silent, and though denied trans­ portation in the United States mall* he may be found in the breeches pock­ ets of thousands of school boys in the great southwest country. The lizard family is going, steadily and surely, without the consideration that was shown the bird when fashion fixed upon him as one of its martyrs. Superstitious fear of saurian and of reptile will hasten their going, in spite of the fact that few saurians are men­ aces to man and in the fajge of the fact that the rattlesnake, the water moc­ casin, and the copperhead are the only poisonous snakes in North America. Wiping Out Accounts. Dr. Morris Bailey of Titus ville, Penn., lately celebrated his eighty- fifth birthday, and especially marked the day by erasing from his books ac­ counts extending over half a century and aggregating about $42,000. He still has some $10,000 "hard to collect" accounts, and may some day settle these in the same way. But paying patients have supplied him with a com­ petency. Indian Baskets. Collectors of Indian baskets agree in conceding the greatest beauty in form and design to ue products of certain parts of California. to go, don't it, mamma?' American. -Baltimore p, •. , Prepare for the Fray. Sg-;" • The zest with which the women are P^Bottqjr.ln for golfing, tennis, bowling f £. . fin4 other forms of athletics affords room for fear that while the coming . man, 'tis said, will be a bald-headed * And toothless physical phantom, the -coming woman will have nerves of >|3teel, muscles of iron. Let the male ?i-* ' biped beware; let him forswear the V ,$offin-naiI cigarette and enervating birch beer, ere it be everlastingly too ^Y?':^ate.--Bill Barlow's Budget. ^ Abandon Cotton Growing. PS some sections of Texas cotton f^y .growing is being abandoned because of U^V. the boll weevil pest, and the land is fev'; ; toeing turned to other crops, while in some cases Texas cotton growers are ffiji -moving to Oklahoma and Indian Terri- tory, where the boll .weevil has not yet §§?;•••> 'reached. 1 Diamonds in United 8tates. The value of the diamonds in the United States is estimated to be $500,- 000,000. Of this amount $170,0od,000 ~ worth are owned by residents of New Secretaries to the Sultan. The Sultan of Turkey employs fif­ teen secretaries, whose duty it is to translate foreign books for his delec­ tation. Queer. It is a crazy world. It permits a man to be proud of his ancestry, his talent, his industry, his achievements, or his wife. But when he likes the fit of his nose or the breadth of his shoul­ ders this same world immediately con­ victs him of vanity and sneers at him forever after. Wonders of German Gastronomy. A New York contemporary an­ nounces in "scare head lines" that the "Emperor Breakfasts on the Kear- sarge." It is dreadful to think of the presence of a superimposed turret in the imperial stomach.--Philadelphia North American. Women Drunkards Outnumber Men. The first "blacklist of habitual drunkards," published in London, under the new licensing act, shows three times as many women as men. American Dried Fruits. So popular and widely appreciated have American dried fruits become in Germany that they mly be said now to control the markets. Step in Advance. The wagons of the London fire com­ pany are to be supplied with bells so that the firemen will no longer be compelled to utter cries to clear thq, streets. ley Wants That Baffle Efforts sff Dar­ ing Explorers. v' How near the North Pole has man gone? The record stands: Fridtjof Nansen, 272 miles; the Duke of Ab- ruzzi, 250 miles; Robert B. Peary, 343 miles. Nearly 300 years ago, in 1607, ftend- riK Hudson, the discoverer of HudBon river and Hudson bay, approached to within 620 miles of the pole. In a word, the history of polar ex­ ploration is the history of an advance from 80 latitude to 80.23 north to lati­ tude 86.33 north. 4 . Peary, who has Just announced h!s Intention to start on another explo­ ration, first saw the Arctic in the jsummer of 1886. He went no farther Inorth than Disko bay, on the west coast of Greenland, latitude 70 north. ]He started north again in 1891, and in July, 1892, penetrated as far as Inde­ pendence bay and Peary channel, which lie about on the 83d parallel. For the third time, he started out in 1898, and in April, 1902, he turned back at latitude 84.17. What stopped him? What stopped the Duke of Abruzzi? What stopped Nansen? What may stop Peary when he dashes north again? In a word, what may stop any man trying to reach the pole? Ice--sharp valleys and steep hills of ice--ice with almost human energy-- Ice bears, as one of the adventurers has described them, which leap and utter hoarse cries and give hugs from which there can be no release--ice fiends, as Nansen once spoke of them, that are always growling and threat­ ening, and that creep in upon you at night to crush you, and that lay snares to trap the man who relaxes his vigilance one minute of the twen­ ty-four hours. Two-Handled 8tone 8ledges. Thirteen hundred stone sledge-ham­ mers have been taken out of tunnels made by prehistoric men in the iron mines at Leslie, Ariz. They are made of black hematite and have no other finish than a groove about the middle of each, showing where formerly they were bound by the withes to wooden handles. Greenstone and jasper used by the aborigines for war axes were not hard enough to chip away the hematite and expose the pockets of red oxide of iron which the savage used as a paint. The form of some of these hammers shows th^t they were fitted with two handles, so that the operator could hold one in each hand. Mosquito a Back NumDer. The idea so largely prevalent that the New Jersey mosquito is the great­ est pest that afflicts humanity evident­ ly is erroneous. Witness this descrip­ tion of tho "Midge," from an English periodical: "We describe this fear­ fully venomous insect with fear and trembling, for should a true and par­ ticular account of the virulent little beast get to the ears of say half a dozen of them, and they discover who was their historian, we might meet with an excruciating death. In size the "Midge" is nothing formidable, and looks, wh$n not under the lens, like a tiny bit of black thread about one-thirtieth of an inch long; and yet the diminutive speck, which will crumble to nothing under the slightest pressure of the finger, can raise a mound of inflamed flerJi the size of a baseball, lasting for a period of one week to three months, or longer, leav­ ing the slenderest ankle with no more elegance in it than there Is in a Ger- Thoughtful Charles. The other day a small boy, aged 4, was alternately beating a rug with all his might and looking up at the sky with rapt attention. "What are you doing, Charles?" his mother said. "Oh, I'm just sending up some dust to God so he can'make some new people!"-- Argonaut. : Mild Resistance. Magistrate--Did I understand you to say the prisoner offered resistance when you attempted to place him un­ der arrest? Policeman--None worth mentioning, your honor. Only a couple of dollars. Home of Musical Fish. Lake Batticaloa, Ceylon, has probable unique distinction of home of musical fish. the GreatTiSIr for Kansas. Twenty-five nests of bumblebees were plowed up in one ten-acre lot in Atchison county. If some farmer should announce that his corn crop had been ruined at night by a herd of elephants it would be taken wunout a grain of salt. This is a great year for Kansas.--Topeka State Journal. Small Submarine Boat. A submarine boat to hold twelve persons; driven by a gas motor, has been tried at St. Petersburg with far vorable results. Camels In War. Since the beginning of the'War in Somallland about 16,000 camels hart bee* -MSZim The Midge. sausage. Talk about the mos­ quito! Talk about the viper! Why, the "Midge" could insert its venom as easily through the steel-clad leg piece of an ancient knight as it could through the open-work stocking of one of England's fair daughters! Indeed, if a viper possessed but half the amount of poison in proportion to its size as the "Midge," it would be^eud- den death to approach within a mile of it. ACGJJ9A3& M EASURfcMBNJS £>F ,;iv w-. • ; *• But the Depth of the Atmospheric Envelope of the Earth Is Unknown --Little Probability "P^.^^ver Will Be Learned. We have found that an earthquake in Japan is able to register itself in England. This actually happened in the case of the disaster in north Japan four or five years ago, when 30,000 people lost their lives. A tremor of this kind could not pass unless the earth had a rigidity ap­ proaching that of steel, and observa­ tions of tides and the attractions ex­ ercised upon us by the sun and moon have made it pretty certain that our world is just about as hard and solid as so much steel. This does away with the liquid Interior theory and makes it fairly cer­ tain that the earth is solid all through. With perhaps occasional accumulations of fluid rock here and there in parts twhere, for some reason .or other, the pressure is not so great as it is in others. It also npsets the old theory of vol­ canoes, and the'modem idea with re­ gard to these mountains of death and destruction 1b that water trom the sur­ face finds its way through a few miles below the surface, and then, being suddenly turned into steam, causes an explosion, or series of explosions, like boiler bursting$?On a gigantic scale. Every school ooy knows that the shape of the earth is an'oblate spher­ oid--that is to say, that it is flattened a little like an orange at the two poles. The polar diameter of the earth is actually twenty-seven miles less than its diameter at the equator. But it is as yet not absolutely ascer­ tained whether the flattening is simi­ lar at both poles. Another rather startling fact which has recently been demonstrated is that the equator is not a perfect circle. If you could drop a plumb line from Ireland through to New Zealand it would be somewhat longer than an­ other which cut the earth at right angles to it. The difference has not yet been ascertained with abso­ lute accuracy. We are accustomed to talk of sea level as an invariable quantity. It is positively startling to find how very far from level the sea is. Not, of course, merely from the passing in­ fluence of tides and winds, but there are great and permanent elevations in the sea--positive mountains, in fact. It is calculated that in the Bay of Bengal the water lies at a level ex­ ceeding that of the Indian ocean by fully 300 feet, and that of the Pacific ocean along the coast of South Ameri­ ca may be heaped up as much as 2,000 feet higher than the water in the opposite Atlantic. Thesis water mountains depend upon the attraction - of great mountain massed, the Bay of Bengal upon the Himalayas and the South Pacific upon the American Andes. The height of our highest mountains has been measured to within an inch or two, and we have accurate informa­ tion on the subject of the great depths of the sea. But we do not yet know with any certainty how deep is the atmospheric envelope of the earth. At one time twenty-seven miles was given as the limit. This was increased 'to forty, and soon even this estimate .Was extended to 100. Our only means of measurement is by the meteors, which spring into an incandescent blaze through friction when they strike our atmosphere. As' man cannot live at a much greater height than five miles, it may be that we shall never learn exactly how thick is the atmospheric ocean at the bottom of which we crawl.--New York Sun. Gates Ventures an Old One. John W. Gates sat in the Waldorf cafe one night recently, and, exhaust­ ing new ones, handed out this antique gem: "I once knew a conductor whose run was out of Chicago for 209 miles east­ ward. He was noted for the regal manner in which, when off duty, he spent dollars where other railroad men modestly laid out dimes. "One day I caught his train at a small station, and, sitting in a coach, watched him pass through, collecting tickets and cash fares, the latter be­ ing most frequent. Thinking I would hunt him up and have a talk, I went to the next car a little later. "He sat in one end, throwing silver and gold pieces up in the air, catching them again as they fell. " 'What on earth are you doing?' 1 asked with interest. "He tossed and dexterously caught a five-dollar gold piece before he MI- swered. "'All that sticks on the bell cord belongs to the Lake Shore,' he-an* swered, 'and the rest is mine!'"-- New York Telegraph. Swimming in Skirts. To settle the question whether skirts were an impediment to swimmers two young lady visitors, well known in Vi­ enna society circles, dived into the lake at Geneva in complete summer toilets, with the exception of hat and boots. Passere-by, believing that the young ladies intended committing sui­ cide, put out in boats to their assist­ ance. The ladies, however, refused all offers of aid, and with difficulty swam to the shore, a distance of 100 yards. A carriage was la waiting, which rap* idly conveyed them to their hotel. Clock 500 Years Old. Samuel Yant of Uhrlchsville, Ohio., has the oldest clock in eastern Ohio, or perhaps the entire state. It has been In the Yant family 137 years, and was built in 1385, so its age is 518 years. It was brought from Germany to America in 1768, seven years be­ fore the revolutionary w*r. :'••• - Volcanic Eruptions. There are about 350 volcanoes on this earth that have had eruptions in modern times. Bully Patent Lock. A Philadelphia traveling man was on a business trip through Alabama, ana one night found himself stranded In a wretched little town with only one slipshod, miserable hotel. His "room" for the night was the end of a hall, with a sheet hung up to screen him from view. In the middle of the night he woke up with his head hanging out over one end of Ws cot and his feet over the other, whtte a violent draught was blowing the hanging sheet in all direc­ tions. He called for the housekeeper^ "What do you want with the house­ keeper?" came a voice from some­ where in the darkness. "I want a paper of pins to look my door with." . Uncle Sam's Resource*. Th«re is in the United States Treas­ ury cash and bonds to the amount, In round figures of $1,080,000,000. •m m Reptiles Are Deaf. Most reptiles are noticeably deaf, ex­ cept caymans and crocadlis^ir tha boo seems absolutely so. Trilling Incident That Upse) Mr. Hlg- gins' Patience. "Summer boarders, eh?" said Mr. Higgins, with an ugly smile. "No, you bet we ain't got no more summer boarders! I never wanted 'em noway, but 'Mandy she said it'd be pin money for her. Waal, ye know, I Jest kinder smiled when that air Mrs. Smith told 'Mandy she'd have to have clean sheets every day; and I must say I sorter laughed in my sleeve when that Dutch woman announced she'd have to have coffee five times a day, an' 'Mandy had ter make it fer her, too. An' then the time that Smith young an smashed half o* 'Mandy's dinner set I told her it wuz a jedgment, 'spite 3* the fact that I didn't half like it tnselL But, by Judas!" cried Mr. Higgins, getting mad on the spot at the mere recollection, "day 'fore yes­ terday, when I found that snide little Brown kid--the one his father calls the Boy Inventor--when I found that cussed little brat had unscrewed every nut an' bolt on my bran-new mowin* machine, to se^Hf he couldn't make a steam launch outer the pieces, then them boarders went, an' they went gosh-all-flred quick, too!"--Comfort. "CALLED" ON STRAIGHT FLUSH. And Qsn. Gobin Had No Use for Such a Poker Player. Gen. Gobin, the commander of the Pennsylvania National Guard, showed hiS contempt for poor poker playing in a striking manner during the recent •coal strike, when he was at Wilkes- barre in charge of the state's military forces, i One night a poker game was on be­ tween several Philadelphia newspaper men, one of whom was a young fellow on whom they wished to play a joke. Finally, in a spirit of fun, "stacked" hands were dealt, so that three of the players, among whom was the young fellow, got straight flushes of equal vajue. After the betting passed around twice, the young fellow "called," and then, when he saw the cards, anxious­ ly questioned as to which flush won on color. The next morning the young fellow went to see the General for some news, but the story of the poker game had got there before him. When the young fellow's name was sent in he heard Gen Gobin roar from inside: 'Put the fool out! I never will even receive a man who knows so lit­ tle that he will call on a straight flush!"--New York Times. ' BOTH IN ROUGH STATE. Contributor/s Poem ancf Editor's Cheek on a Par. "Here is a poem which you may publish in your paper," said a young man as he entered the^editorial door. "I dashed it off rapidly in an idle mo­ ment, and you will find it in its rough state, as it were. You can make such corrections as you think necessary." "Ah, much obliged." said the editor. "I ^rill give you a check for it at once." "You are very kind," said the con­ tributor. "I shall be delighted." "There you are/' said the editor, handing him' a check. "Many thanks," exclaimed the young man. "I will bring yon some other poems." When he got to the door he sudden­ ly paused; then he came back. "Excuse me," he said, "but you for­ got to fill up the check. You have not written the date, nor the amount, nor Dave you signed your name." "Oh," said the editor, "that is all right. You see, I have given you the check in its rough state, as it were. You can make such corrections as yon think necessary." Green Gravea. ' The jrreen graves In the sun Without lie one by one; Nothing disturbs them, lightly ltM The lime tree's shadow, butterflies Alight a momeut, then away. ' I would I lay As still as they. Those ^reen graves In the sun. The quiet ones below Once felt life's quickening go Through pulse and heart and brain; To Time's unalterlng strain Danced blithe or stumbling? trod As we above the sod, Sad or content I wonder went Those quiet ones below? The lime tree shadows pass Over the lonff graves* grass: I \miah I knew if drea>ninga creep About the sleepers' long-slept slMlp, Or silent laughter for perplexed Live men and women, since unveXt Placid as they We too shall stay-- V Just green graves in the sun. He Knew His Business. At an English rent-audit dinner the squire noticed that a new tenant of his, sitting in the place of honor on his right hand, was taking nothing to drink, so he said, "Well, Johnson, this won't do. You are drinking nothing," etc. Johnson replied, "No, squire, I never drinks nothing with my meals." "How's that?" asked the squire; "are you a teetotaler, or suffering from rheumatism or anything, and acting tinder doctor's orders?" "No, squire, tain't that. It's this way: If you take a bucket full of water, you can't get no taters into it; but if you put the taters in first, it's wonderful what a lot of water you can get in after­ wards." ^ Cost of Refining Copper. Two students of Cornell university have discovered that by using higher temperature and electrical currents in the refining of copper the cost, which is now $5 a ton, can be reduced to one hart. About $80,000,000 worth of cop­ per is refined in this country annual­ ly, and $12,000,000 worth of silver and $4,000,000 worth of gold are recovered therefrom. Busy Time Ahead. tk« revival of the Molly Maguires in the anthracite fields of northern Pennsylvania will serve to give the blood and thunder play and story writers a new lease of existence and tho detectives plenty of work to do.-- Bdtton Herald. Standard Milk. According to the department of Ag­ riculture, standard milk is milk con­ taining not less than 3^4 per cent of milk fat and 8^4 per cent of solids not fat, and which has an- acidity equiva­ lent to not met* tfcae 2^ per <eMMt si lactic acid. HU110R OF TOE nor Not Flattered. *Tm going to put you in a bdok,fU. V, said the author. S-'l/S ^ "If you do," was the reply, 'Til giva - ^ you a picture for the second edition." ' "Will you, really?" , "You bet I will really. All you wl%^i| > have to do is to sit for your picturf ^ after I get through with you and you'll',! : ' have an illustration that will attract* attention." •" "And yet," said the author to hint; self, "people think this business is perfectly safe one. Little they knoiirV;rV: the excitement and dangers of it." .'S i i f K : , mm He--I've got me father's nose and mouth. She--Well, the old man wfis lucky to fet rid of tnem. How It Came to Pass. "Dad," said the rural youngster to his home returning parent, "what do you reckon has done took hap* pened?" * "How kin I tell?" "The Iightnin' an' thunder has kill yer two brindle cows an' five hogs!" "That's bad, my son; but I can't ba everywhere. Providence knowed I wup- away from home, an' took advantagf of my absence!" Wasn't Detected. , "I* used a sermon this morning," said the Rev. Dr. Fourthly, "that I preached many years ago, but, fortun­ ately, there was only one member qf the congregation present that heard It the first time." "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Deacon Ironside. And fortunately again--I may say providentially--the deacon slept through the whole of It," No Longer a Reformer. Former Resident (back at the oir home on a visit)--What has becomf , of Lustigo, who used to be such a loud howler against monopolists, corpora? tions and all that sort of thing? Old Citizen--He's here still, but he Isn't doing any howling now. He fouad a vein of coal in his land a few years ago. For Sympathy. "So Mrs. Fullagloom has married' again, lias she? Poor woman! She's such a constant sufferer that I didn't suppose she'd ever think of such a thing." "Well, she had to have somebody she could talk to about her neuralgia, didn't she?" The Way It Goes. He--I sold that article for $10 that I wrote on the evils of betting. She--What will you do with the money? He--I het it on our ball team. Then They Clinched. "Didn't think I could speak, did yon. eh?" said Bragg, exultantly, after his first attempt at post-prandial oratory. "Well, I confess I can't imagine any­ thing so marvelous that has happened for years." "Nothing like it in a century, eh?" "Oh, longer than that Not aince Balaam's time." No Longer Appropriate. His Physician--You are burning the candle at both ends. Rich but Irritable Patient--Any cheap, old-fashioned doctor could have told me that. When I pay you $50 for an opinion you ought to use a meta­ phor more in accordance with this age of gas and electricity. Getting Even. Young Bride (pouting)--Here wIk' ' . have only been married two day4 Clarence, and you're scolding me al­ ready." Husband--I know, my dear; but Just think how long I have been waiting for the chance. y No Advantage to Her. MAre you training your daughters la the household arts?" "No. What's the use? Jest as soo» as 1 got one of them trained so's shf"^-; oould help me some man would com#- > •along an* marry her. An' men arf.'- havia' Jt too easy these daya anyhow.4 : 7YTTT" Certainly. "I like a man," she remarked, says exactly what he thinks." r "About somebody $l§a, qJ « suggested her chuB% • ' ' ; . V ' / i » ' ̂