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The Miitf You Have Always Bought Bears tl Signature H/MS# ermf /sm/tomrs Sl££P/HC CMrfdK |N* DE shack wanted y e z t u h h e a v e clinkers, he did, huh? Well, I s'pose yez tole where fell he got off, didn't goo belt'll roost here 'til de snow flickers." "Soy, how's de brakies down dat way? De last time me an* de Honyak wus dere, de ccranle elevated us from the inside of a empty inter a cactus garden, four hundred and eighty-wan mileB from grub. We walks de ties fer tree weeks. Den we hits Alberquerque an* I near had tuh beat, a carpet tuh git grub. De ole gurrul would uv had me woikin' only she grubs me foist. befoalr she brings out de woik tools. Den I digs." "Dere's nuttin' like dat, dere, dese days. Dey leaves de ptes an' eats out in de opun an' de bo wot can't freeze to wan meal an hour don't git no soft woids from dis lulu." That animated, brilliant and engrossing reper­ toire was only one of several thousand of the same variety, which comprised hobo reminiscences told by members of the great army of the unwashed which assembled in convention not many "months ago at Clifford, 111., for the National Hobo re­ union. Small tramps, fat tramps, tall tramps, short tramps, red-headed ones, blondes, colored tramps, low-down tramps, tramps with high personal re­ gard for their vocations, and others who were sneaky and might be caught working, were it not for the watchfulness of their brothers, all assem­ bled in solemn conclave to worship their goddess, Rest. These sons of rest--but they were not all sons, there were several daughters of rest--all paid their respects to the cause for which they are fighting In their own tactless* way.' They, for the nine­ teenth time, swore loyalty to the association's mot­ to: "Work, washing and worry are weapons of the devil and he who would knowingly or intentionally invite the descent of his platonic majesty in that manner, he it is who 1b no true Son of Rest." Slothful Sam, President Weary Willie, Ragged Rufus, Tattered Tom, Reeking Reignald, Dinky Dan, the best dressed "bo" in the association; Handout Hank, Pieface Peter, Loping Louie, Walk­ ing Walter, Frayed Francis, Mirthful Mike, Tin-Can Teddy, and all the rest of the Influential brethren of the Fraternal Order of the Unwashed, were there. The attendance was as large as usual. There were some missing, of course. Roll call revealed the fact that Secretary Sighing Sinkers was un­ avoidably detained by friends among the authori­ ties at the Desplaines street police station in Chi­ cago. He was booked as a "vag," much to the un­ washed chagrin of President Weary Willie, who in the course of his opening address remarked that it was "De woist coise dat wuz ever put fbrt' on dis •usietie, tuh t'ink dat one uv de most necessary poissons of de order should be cumpelled tuh miss dis intellergen* meetin'." All the old officers of the association were re­ elected, the minutes of the meeting being inscribed upOn the brain qf President Weary Willie until Sec­ retary Sinkers should be released from his sojourn in Chicago. The members of the association, the most easily satisfied crowd on earth, then ad­ journed. This action consisted of the chief execu­ tive dropping into a sound sleep. Others did the same. , The following day the annual games of the or- ganizatlon were given. There were several inno­ vations, hitherto not introduced. The long distance snooting contest drew out several hundred entries and it required three days before the judges were able to render a decision. Wakeful Waffles was returned victor eventually, but up to the time of writing he was still snoozing noisily, utterly ignor­ ant of the honor which hl& happy faculty had thrust upon him. The handsomest hobo contest waar, captured by Dinky Dan, who fo a little address to the slumber­ ing contestants in the long-distance sleeping con­ test, declared that in the absence of any prize, the honor alone gave him plenty of Eatisfactlen. of the riots there last August. The af­ fair which resulted in the death of Nelson, who was 18 years old, occurred on the afternoon of August 15. Klein, who was a private in Company A of the First, had been stationed at the was Nelson, boarded the train at Kankakee. According to Klein, the four cursed him. He ordered them to obeyed. Nelson, according to Klein's story, continued to curse him and then threatened him. Klein made a move­ ment with his bayonet and Nelson was wounded, Klein's story being that he did not intend to hurt the man. Nelson's friends, on the contrary, in­ sist that Nelson had his back to Klein and was about to jump off the car when Klein wantonly drove his bayo­ net through his back. Rtt>pt of Old DrSAMUEL flTTt/fER Stsd - sflxSemta • ftot kril* Smtts - .. Anise Seed ' Horm Seed - Fi!»wr > SMPfi smm-s \Y3:- --Tr* * ji# EWS NOTES ACCOUNT8 OP HAPPENINQ8 ILLINOI8 FOR A WEEK. mminamn For Infants an WOMAN COW Victim, After Ride on Horns, Attacked by Beast--Mrs. William McKen- zie of Tapiorville Is Seri­ ously Injured. M ION. ALCOHOL-3 PER ( AYege fable Preparation for As - simulat ing the Food and Regula­ ting the Stomachs and Bowels of Taylorville.--Carried for several yards on the horns of an infuriated cow she attempted to milk, was the thrilling experience of Mrs. William McKenzie. In the fall from her peril­ ous seat she suffered fractures to her arms and was then gored by the beast, receiving dangerous internal injuries. The animal was preparing for an­ other attack when neighbors came to the rescue. ILmRDWNlAR f / fiivwJe&r/omByjD. Infants .**Children & Promotes Digestion,Cheerful- nessandRest Contains neither Opium .Morphine nor Mineral Not Narc otic PRIVATE KLEIN INDICTED. Kankakee Grand Jury Acts on of Earl Nelson. Death THE Pfm/tm CMM/W IS I K A perfect Remedy forConstipa lion, Sour Stomach,Diarrhaea Worms .Convulsions .Fever fsh- ness and LOSS OF SLEEP Fac Simile Signature of *"VNY- re. At6 months old 35Dosri-j5CE!«rrs Guaranteed under the Foods* Exact Copy of Wrapper. For Over Thirty Years CUSTOM THE CKNTAUN GOMMNV, HIW TOW1 OFFT« It was decidedly ap­ propriate that Handout Hank should" corral the laurels in the handout roping contest. The pies, which proved the articles *of war and also the prizes, were placed on a ledge on the outside of a house loaned for the purpose. Hank, instead of struggling with his fellowB on the outside, stole a pitchfork, went inside the house and speared the pies, one by one, from the second story window. Then to rub in the defeat inflicted early-rising farmer near Clifford determined for 7te0/$£C7V/fi£km WC///M£V/0£*C£ of hoboes took place on the third day of the convention and it was watched by hundreds of townspeo­ ple. The hobo association of a near-by district gave an excursion, and a feast, after which the members disbanded to their regular territories, most of them going into winter quarters. The reader will wonder where the wayfarers slept while they were engaged in carrying out their convention plans. Others wondered, too, but one upon the rest of the convention, he sat on the sill of the open window and slowly munched the pastry delicacies, to the discomfiture of several hundred upturned hungry faces. Several weeks before the session was called to order Slothful Sam appeared as an advance guard of the army of the unwashed and prepared a set. of rules, which were turned over to the meeting, but were turned down by unanimous vote, the members fearing they might inflict punishment up- himself when he fouund the committee upon the extermination of water snoring in the key of A in a manger early one morning. Others took to re­ clining benches in the parks, some utilised fence corners, while the more listless of the order satis­ fied themselves with such luxuries of sleep as were furnished underneath front porches. All in all, it must be said that the convention was a great success, more enthusiasm attending the meeting than ever before. There was more on themselves by voting for the propose# regula- grub, less allusion to soap and water and lots ot tions. Following were Sam's proposals: That one month's growth of beard be made the maximum. That special refrigerator cars be provided for tan)cs- That questionable touring anecdotes be punished according to the veracity ot the tales. That any member guilty of work be made to toil and ]rash daily. That hoboes found guilty of aiding in perpetuat­ ing the ancient tin can joke be shunned by their fellows. That members apprehended with soap upon their persons be given capital punishment That rewards of merit be devised for those who promised to work, secured a meal upon that basis, and then deserted. That a system of chalk signals be arranged to designate homes where the lady of the house is generous. That the war on savage dogs be carried on with the extermination of all canines in view. That brakemen be made honorary members of the order. That those brakemen who have distinguished themselves in the aid of members be awarded re­ wards of merit. That thorough tests, mental and physical, be pro­ vided for taking in new members. That beer be made the official drink of the order. That water be shunned with customary regular­ ity. President Weary Willie pointed that these rules showed the deep thought of Slothful Sam. The president ruled that a man guilty of thinking should be watched, for he might work. So fearful lest there should be a joker concealed somewhere within the resolutions, the convention turned them down flat. "Even wid dese t'ings aside," soliloquized Weary, "it needs woik ter keep dem resolushuns on de members' min's an' woik is de most hated uv de order's enemies." So that ended Slothful Sam's great coup. He said he thought he had a great idea, but he had not sleep for the tourists. THE WARPED 8ENSE OP HUMOR. It is a big thing to be born with a sense of humor. It will force smooth sailing on life's rough­ est seas, and will make even drudgery bearable. The woman who cannot see a joke, even at her own expense, is to be pitied--and so are her fun- loving friends. There is nothing harder on both sides than a humor ism that falls fiat. - The good people who are interested in the de­ crease of divorce should have a law passed that the serious minded and the joker may not wed. It means ructions ere the orange blossoms fade. A man not long ago was bewailing a broken en­ gagement A friend who knew them both said: "It is the Lord taking a hand to save you from a lifetime of misery. Georgia couldn't see fun if it were labeled JOKE, and you couldn't help jok­ ing though it meant a separation from those you loved best." But it is one thing to have a sense of humor and another to have a warped sense of humor. There is no one more maddening than the person who roars at our mishaps and thinks it "so funny** to mortify his friends. You can afford to laugh--if you feel like it-- when you fall in a crowded ballroom or lose your false puffs in church-; but you have no friendship so tender that will warrant a smile when a friend does the same.. It is the woman with the misplaced sense of humor who tells embarrassing anecdotes about fam­ ily makeshifts, or who repeats as a gjpod Joke to a common friend something you have said about her but never intended her to hear. One of these misplaced humorists is the husband who thinks it funny to ask a guest to have certain dishes, and when she accepts to tell her "We are just out of it" Have you never been covered with embarrass­ ment by having such a man ask you to say grace at his dinner table and shriek with laughter at your figured that in nursing his plans he haiil infringed e®OIIt8 out of it? upon one of the most sacred traditions of his Then there are humorists who, when you tell a brothers. good story, think it "smart" to receive it with Narrow Escape in Runaway. Brighton.--Mr. and Mrs. Franklin of Brighton and their little child had a narrow escape when the horse Franklin was driving took fright at a train and ran away. Mrs. Franklin was hurled against a rail fence, but was only slightly injured. The child was tossed completely over the fence. Methodifcts Meet at Versailles. Versailles.--Representatives from over 40 Methodist churches in the Quincy district met here. Sermons were preached by Revs. Wolworth and Miller of Quincy and Rev. S. Chap­ man of Pittsfleld. Much time was de­ voted to pastoral conferences and dis­ trict stewards' sessions. india's Precious Metals. It is estimated that $1,500,000,000 In gold, and perhaps as much in silver, is hidden away in the Hindu stocking Vast quantities of the precious metals are known to be kept in the form of personal ornaments. From time Imme­ morial India has Men a reservoir into which the precious metals have flowed from all quarters of tho globe^fily to disappear from statiswJIl "Could the idle wealth be drawn upon, the effect on the industrial and commercial life of the country would be very great It Is, therefore, a matter of concern to try to turn India's dormant capital to active use. It may be impossible to do it. The Oriental mind views every­ thing in a way Incomprehensible to westerners. But If only a tithe of the concealed hoards of India were vital­ ized a new aspect might be given to the conditions of life in England's great eastern empire. CARTERS ITTLE IVER PILLS Big Illinois Factory Resumes. Mount Vernon.--The plant of the Mount Vernon Car Manufacturing Company resumed operations after a shutdown of several months. The company has enough work ahead to keep the works going all winter. Nor­ mally about 800 men were employed. Missing Woman Writes, $•. Alton.--Chief of Police Maxwell re­ ceived word from Jerseyville that Douglas Reddish, whose wife ran away from home, had received a letter from his wife postmarked Granite City. The woman dropped the letter there to •ay farewell to her husband. Nutting Trip Is Fatal. Peoria--William Bowe, aged 54 years, one of the best-known restau­ rant keepers in central Illinois, died. In stepping from a wagon after a nut­ ting trip, he broke his ankle. This contributed materially to a quick de­ cline, resulting in death. How's This? We oiler One Hundred Dollars Reward lor any •an ol Catarrh that cannot be cured by Ball's Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY A CO.. Toledo, O. We. the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney lor the last IS years, and believe him perfectly hon­ orable In all business transactions and financially able to carry out any obligations made by his flrsa. WAU>INO,.KINNAN & MARVIN. Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O. Hall's Catarrh Cure Is taken Internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. Testimonials sent free. Price 75 cento p«r bottle. Sold by all Druwtlata. Tate Hall's Family Pills for eonstlpaUon. Ii»aglnary Holidays. I know a man who cannot afford to travel, and yet has a delightful way of deceiving himself. He learns about the cost of traveling, the proper cloth­ ing to he worn, gets a time table, and arranges excursions for himself to various places, and then reads about them in books of travel. To the man w!th imagination it is a captivating occupation.--Hearth and Home. Farmers Fight for Free Hair Cut. Medora.--A hair cut and a shave are the unusual inducements offered by I. E. Day, a local barber, as a prize for the best three ears of corn exhibited in his place of business. The contest waxed warm among farmers of the Medora vicinity. Boys Blamed Mr $25,COO Fire. Elgin.--Fire, .^ffich is blamed upon 11 inmates of the St. Charles School for Boys, wiped out an entire block of buildings at Geneva. The damage is estimated at $25,000. The fire started in the yards of the Frank B. Larence Lumber Company. A very simple and efficient Stock Tonic or Stock Food may be prepared at home at small cost by using ten pounds of wheat bran or other ground food, two and one-half pounds of oil meal and two and one-fourth pounds of Compound RoC. Compound RoC may be had at any drug store, and should not cost to exceed one dollar for two and one-fourth pounds. CARTERS Positively cored bf these Little Pills. They also relieve Dls> tress from Dyspepsia, In­ digestion cud Too Hearty Eating-. A perfect edy for Dizziness, Nas» sea, Drowsiness, Bti Taste In the Mouth, Coa*» e<l Tongue, Pain in tltv Side, TORPIB ITVE*. etrulate the Bowels. Purely Wrgetablftr SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE. ITTLE IVER PILLS. Genuine Must Bear Fac-Simile Signature *2 REFUSE SUBSTITUTES* The Road to Weaith M any people traverse it, but tew &.:z# -to i e«:< the desired haven. Their mont» tra+is tmi to bring thtrn there in time. The mail whose money! is making 6% is making money one kvitiitrJ Htr cent, (aster than his i% neighbor, and, if he earHal 12% on his funds, he is making money tkrtt Au»* tired f*r .r*f. .'after. A man walking, and an e»» press speeding, about represents the differenced Let a company with ample assets, large prove* earning power, unexcelled opportunities, gaidttrf , by reliable, energetic, experienced bu&inMa •»•#- Snow yon how to double «a4 treble tbe present eirnia| p o w e r o l yoir noatr. An inquiry commits yon to no expensi iiiac -- you under no obligation--a postal request links SV together. Will you write? To day--Nowl to Pitt«burg-Salt Lake Oil Conpuy j KayatMM BoiMfaw. PtMaiMr«.PW LIVE STOCK AND MISCELLANEOUS Electrotypes IN GREAT VARIETY FOIL. SALE o*T THE - LOWEST PRICKS BY A.N.KELLOGGNEWSPAPEB CO. 73 W. Adams St., Cbic*f*o Upward by Degrees. For man must be disappointed with the lesser things of life before he can comprehend the full value of the great­ est.--Lord Lytton. Instant Relief for All Eyes, that are irritated from dust, heat, sun or wind, PETTITVS EYE SALVE, '25c. All druggists or Howard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y# It's a pity some people cant marry for brains instead of money. i y i !«*r aall iir^wir Nine-Mile Baptists Meet. Duquoln.--The sixty-third meeting of the Nine-Mile Baptist association, one of the oldest of the kind in the state of Illinois, was held at Nashville. Before members were allowed to enter the field in which the convention was 'held, a thorough in­ spection was made of the man's credentials. Bona fide proof of membership was necessary. Traces of prosperity about the hobo's person relegated him to the position of a rank outsider. Special arrange­ ments were made with railroad companies for the transportation of such undesirables. ~ The meetings, as a rule, were held In Rlverview park, Clifford, but occasionally committees met wherever there was standing room. A grand parade forced guffaws, and others who willfully refuse to laugh at the point. Laugh all you can, but have a sense of fitness in your laughing. To joke over the bumps in your own life will do much to smooth them; to find hu­ mor in the mishaps of your friends is soon to find yourself friendless. No matter how keen your sense of humor, use discretion in sharing a joke with a friend. Humor is like lightning. It rarely strikes twice In the same way. , FAT MAN WAS EXCUSED Sift Woman Left Him in Unpleasant Frame of Mind. After the fat man had struggled and jammed and twisted past the woman in the end seajt of the summer car and sat down with a banc-it was seen that his face was red ana his feelings were 'iiurt. lie held on to himself for a Mock and tbtft said: "Madam, when I started to board this car it was under the impression that you were a lady." "Yes, sir," she replied. "I believed that you would move along and give me room." "^Yes, sir." "I bel'evcd that you, as a lady, would much prefer moving along to having me climb over your feet In the way I tu compaUad ta" "Yes, Bir." "But, madam, you did not move-- not an inch." "No, sir, I didn't." "On the contrary, you sat tight. You even grasped the stanchion in your hand, as if to prevent me from ousting you." "Yes, sir." , "Then, madam--then, In considera­ tion of the above Tncontestlble and In­ controvertible facts, I am obliged to observe that to the best of my Jtnowl- •dse and belief you art no lady." "No, sir," was the sweet reply.. "If you had been, you would have hitched along." "Yes, sir. Yes, sir. If I had been a lady, I should have hitched alone into the pool of molasses that came from somebody's broken bottle, and should have been stuck fast to the seat, as you are now. I am no lady, and you are a gentleman, and I get off here and I excuse you, sir, and hope you won't tear up the seat gettin# out."--Rochester Democrat and Chi-on lele. Girl Killed by Train. Vandalia.--Nellie Parkinson, aged 16, was run down and killed by a train on the Illinois Central road at Farina. The body was cut in twain. Habitual May top Butler Gets Sentence. Jerseyville.--The jury in the case of Charles Butler of Berdan, Greene county, after being out an hour, re­ turned a verdict of guilty and fixed his sentence at 30 years' imprisonment at the southern Illinois penitentiary at Chester. Two Killed in Cave-In. Redbud --While Ernest Busche and August Winkleman, road commission­ ers, were digging a trench for a bridge near here, they were crushed to death by the ground caving in on them. Lincoln Pastor Quits. Lincoln --Rfev. L. C. Trent, for eight years pastor of the First Baptist church here, has notified the congrega­ tion of his acceptance of the pastorate of the First Baptist church at Ke- wanee. He was extended a call to Kewanee. Granite Bulgarians Happy. Granite City.--Granite City's Bul­ garian colony of 5,000 rejoiced in the whole-hearted fashion of the orient, over the news tbat the beloved hdme country had declared its independence. ly cwmome^' prejjxr personal foils vutklhe assistance e ottf truly Wati^c remedy. Syrup ojhgc and lA'uvr Senna, whicK enables one to |orm regular kabtt$ daily 50 that assistance lb nit' ture may be gradually dispensed with vtten ho longer ncetW as the best of remedies,wlu'ti repaired, arc to assist nature and not to tke natuyw oi functions, vhicn must depend ulti* toately upon propel nourishment, proper effort*,and right living generally. To get its hene|iiciat effects, ol»ay6 h&y th* genuine ' . . MANUFACTURED TY HIF CALIFORNIA "Fig Syrup Co. only SOLD BY ALL LEADING DRUGGISTS oaecize only, r#gu»a«- pmc 5<K (>« Bottle HYGIENIC TOWEi Sanitary and a Marveloasly Quick l)r> M A towel which is sure to receive Immediate aiHl ffiuA beany wek'ouie b) the user. Kroiii i»v« ry uotuu i •. ir«»- et'onomkiil us well us saoitarT, It is by loiiis Uw b«'st that hasevrr bei'n put tx-fure the putiUc. 'I'll# -Hvjfienic'* PUSM'SM'S every good quality that ispo»» slbf<> to b« put in a towel. It is of strung, maaiiiti* nvugh tenure, aaaulnjf good wear. It is|M>ri>u*,aati absorbs moisture quickly, drying Uie h- .i> w hardly any effort. It is.i rapid absorber of w;U. it reniainsentirely odorless. It ismade in four 15x30 lOe apiece. 18x40 I Co apiece. 20x44 SOe apl«t'«. KliJO 35c »pii(«t Bend for one or a pairforsampie. Money returned 10*'•. not satisfactory. Write direct:v to Mills as we a<0> the manufacturers. THK HfOIKXlt MIJJLfe York and Howard Streets, Philadelphia, Pa. SIl.YKKC.LANOK MINING t OMPANY a, dividend on its shares Juuuury, 1V)U}, »ad ever three months thereafter. This is t tie largest Mini Company on the('«a>l. IfavinKassetsof not KO.OUQ.UOU and u!so tuiTii:* fur sale nearly IMt best tninitiK properties from Mexico to Alaska. W| Dot only devoloptind shipourorc iniiiiotiruwiimietb but sell mines and mineral lands ii.rothers,. B»erf Dine bold is u ar^e atuountof money a$a dU lor our stockholders. Besides owntf ?Qof the rscteil mines fout'd in t he State of Washiruti. n. '1'bis coal-; puny lsineorpornted fnronlTll.UJ0.0C0. Kuliy [>;ii-iauti nonassessable. A siuiti I block of s'lui ressti II re:uains4lk 16 c entsu share, fck'iid orders at eruv and pet tu on tllft divnloru! January 1. SIlvorUiHiioeMining 1/OUH»UOT- 6)5 Marion Hidg.. Seattle, Wash, Agvnt4* American Hweiters A Sales Co., shares at wi|S be affiliated with the Silver Uhmce Mining Co., 1% the spring. To build two sitteUers. ReadersOff tiied in in column* Ao«w iMift I having what they ask (of, icfwh| subdbtnte* oi imitation*. TAFT or BRYAN LITHOGRAPHS Size SI x 'J8. Sample Copies in ;nu s. lO etafc Special prices in quantities to Agenss. THK ANOOSON &JTMO CO. 4ia iMt •«* st qwciww\% true i*«.t of tiwe 1*'"*^ farms from W to l*«J®r •re», raujfiup in pi ve# tr.no 340 to per acre. V?rite us kind of IM« •lid location you want. We can turuiah ' Cora Bait Land * LMB Caamr. JtataM*. I%" We Haves™ 10 POST CARDS*„'Xr«2 riutiful co'.ored views at National captto! etat; $. NOV KLTV CO.. IVpi. S Washington, D. Qf FA AC SI'KlMiKK & COMl'AX'V, Huou Wilcox Bldtf., Los Acgeies. California, faaiidl^ Svestments on the I'actno « oast. W rite tbom. «rn»i g what you are looking tor. Throat and Lungs o<«j; the protection agtunti cold and dimue that i* obtained liora Ptio »Cure. U you h»ye»coutfh vs t J,!, alight of acrioua, bejia uk - i»K ; vu« lod»y #od osotinue until sou ate well. Cure th« cough it i» when • few do«» c-i Pw»» Cure may be ail thai you Vfrilueed. Famoya fo* half acen- Pi<-»mill to taste. l c<* bota and haraiiul ingro&raii. At all dractta*', 25 eta. PATENTS WitM! K.<WM«,Wa»« i:i*loa, t>.f, Hook" f s*, H«l| eat reference*. f*au'l«r Business & Fiaaoce MPT fre«. la iliiM 4 H'l'i'i II* *aw»a M., VVO VOC want to b»y. se?l or eic fUf Write as wbaiyooaafeurwatit. Company. Stf Lun« Bttitaing, Kaasa« Uij, Ui>»eu v! Want J«b? ifaWcted *il» I TkijUfi1! F»| VatlT A. N. IO-A t***-4!! 'M