The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

It V .-ft 2 v ** 4* * «*;• ,--•<• >i» * - .„, ^ .:~T*# {?*->< • - -. i '-'A* * »!~ V', * * *v j-'TS® 4vMSf«tp*.^ of UnfitncM Fable of Freddie v ,.- ,v i. and the Bow-Wows ' ffi :7/ : S| GEORGE ABE '~r r . 49, Ball Syndle«t«.)--WHO fcrtto*. o vs'-'i- NCB upon a Time there was a Modern Product named Freddie. He had been seeing Life in all of it's Phases--the Sun- I shine and the Storm, the Smiles and ",ci w', "ithe Tears, the Tranquility of Peace %<*); 'and the Scourges of War--ever since the Year of his Birth, 1915, so that in ^ H 1832 he was permitted to look back S over a varied Career of 17 Years, r . ^ checking up the miraculous Changes v '+ which had been wrought by the In- \.^ traduction of the Oxford Bags, the ^anc« known as the Charleston and , Chocolate-covered Ice Cream, to say J1 nothing of noting with Regret the Appearance of many Influences which threatened to disintegrate Civilization. It was Last Year that Freddie be- "i? gan to shave and become Misanthropic. Perhaps he had quaffed too freely from the Golden Bowl of Pleasure. -." - ; More than likely he had, even as many . another Man of the World, become •nrfeited with artificial Pleasures and *ras beginning to discover the Hollowness of tlie whole Ball of Wax. Having run the Gamut of Pleasure • and followed every Primrose Path ridding to a Movie Show or a Candy Store, it is no Wonder that he became Bated with Empty Enjoyments and was disposed to adopt a Cynical Attitude. If the lifted Eye-Brow an<£ the cold Smile lurking at one Corner of the j Mouth, when the Subject of Woman jwas brought up, seemed subtle Indi- ^rr-, cations that he held Pessimistic Views in regard to the much-discussed Sex, it must be remembered that he had drunk the Pleasures of a Dancing VAcademy to the very Dregs and had ""jWhiled away the Hours with every Type of Vamp under the High School -•Age. Before blaming Freddie for being so Bloray, one should charitably coni8ider that he was a Man who, in •taking his Fling, had been played •upon by the Fates and had endured and suffered. Not long ago he crawled out one jMorning and sat on the edge of the |Pad, brooding over the Decadence of !the whole Social Organization. There had been many Changes since the remote and glorious Days of 1930 and Freddie, surveying them, in the cold Light of Experience was compelled to admit that doggone ifrew of them had been to the Good. « Jewelry Strictly Banned. , For, instance, there was his Shirt -Why hadn't some one taken some Action or done something in regard to • Shirts in general? The Prince of Wales had made it practically impossible for • any Fellow who was up to Snuff and a real Dinger to wear anything except a Blue Shirt with Soft Collar attached. At first these Blues had : been O. K. Full of Snap. Peppy, yon understand. They looked Great in con- ; junction with any kind of College Diagonal or Knitted Effect In the Cravat Line. Regular old Yale and Harvard Stuff. Then, when the Prince had every . Hot Dog in the World sporting a Robin's Egg Blue with a discouraged .. Collar, what does he do but pull out , for Matabeleland, Rhodesia and the Argentine, leaving all the Chaps flat? They had waited Week after Week for a Genius to rise up and reveal some »uch Inspiration as an up-and-down | Striped Collar keeping Company with a clay-colored Shirt and a Butterfly Bow of rich gangrenous Shade, but evidently no Sartorial Hero had the Courage to dispute a Supreme Authority. No wonder Freddie had to sigh . deeply as he sized up the hateful Garment, which was made of the material . Used in lining Suit Cases. After that he permitted himself to give way to melancholy Reflections on the Matter of Stick Pins. He knew .. that he could not wear one without becoming a Social Pariah but he . asked himself why these pleasing lit-- tie Ornaments had been taken away from the Man of Fashion. He had • some approximate Pearls and a ruby, red Set with Twinklers and often he longed to flash them on the World and make It a happier Place of Residence, but he had the Dope on what Men are wearing. this Year and he bad studied all of the Sock and Clothing Ads and he knew that America's Junior Aristocracy must ever carry a JPained Expression but avoid Jewelry. Within a Few Minutes he was visited by another great Sorrow. Schooled. he was, by Contact with a Hard World, he forgot himself for the Moment and almost made a Display of temper. It was while he was apply- ; Jhg the Goo which is supposed to lay •he Hair straight Rack, the same as •n a Bird Dog, and give it" the gloss •f Patent Leather. "I wish to the Dickens," he exclaimed, "that some one would get *p a Gleamola that would do the Work!" Before him, stark and threatening, fjpomed the Ordeal of Breakfast. Would •jt Melon or Grapefruit and, in •ither Case, what Assurance did he lave that it would be served cold •nd ripe? On the Morning of the Day which jbeld so mnch Tribulation for Our Bero, the Toast was too thick and Scorched on one side and the Coffee fcad a funny Taste. The Pioneers who <Htme out and built th«» Cabins 0id not suffer all the Hardships, We'll tleU the bleeding World! A Tough Existence. .« It was during Freddie's Run-la wfth tiafactory Food and sfear.&ervfea that he made certain caustic References to Modern Journalism. He said the Papers were getting punk. This candid Criticism was evoked by the Fact that he could not find under MSo<fal Happenings" any Reference to the slick Party he had attended the Night before. Jnst when he was beginning to edge out Into the Sunshine he ran plump into a Cloud of Gloom and was in the Depths once more. It seemed that the Boaehead at the Garage had failed to fill the Car. If Freddie chafed under the Delay and spoke sharply to the Menial, it must be taken into Consideration that he had trained his Relatives to anticipate his wishes, consequently it irked hirii to be stood up like a Wet Umbrella. Especially when the Cigarettes didn't seem right Not' enough imported Tobacco in them. Life was turning out to be a bitter Experiment but he tried to bear up. Of course, he was ashamed to drive past Gertrude's House in a Last Year's Car. Why, he asked., had he been cursed with a Dad who was not only Tight but also Tyrannical? What was the Big IdeA of all this Mooching about getting Home by 2 a. m.T As he loafed along the Country Lane, accompanied by a hardened Roue who would be 19 In January, he was doing barely 55 miles an Hour, when a Constable with Bad Manners flagged him and slipped him a Summons. * fie wondered if Conditions were any worse in Soviet Russia. While he was at Luncheon he said he could remember the Times when Pie a La Mode was dandy. The new Release at the Picture House was the same old Junk. He said they bad a lot of Mutts oat In Hollywood. He walked out of the Dancing Dump after a fretful Two Hours, because the Jazz was all over Three Weeks Old. His Parents couldnt get a Word out of him at Dinner. They had green Olives on the Table, knowing all the Time that he preferred Ripe ones, stuffed. It began to look like a Conspiracy. At the Party that Evening he had to admit, In the Presence of several care-worn Veterans attending the Prep School, that Girls were not nearly as Nifty as they were away back in 1929. MORAL! It. is called the Rising Generation because you can get a Rise any Minute. Bermudians Will Buy Portrait of Founder The Bermuda Historicai society has enfered Into negotiations for the purchase of the portrait of the founder of the Bermuda colony. Sir George Somers and his wife, now In a private collection In England, according to the Bermudian, the pictorial magazine of Bermuda. The Islands were long known as the Somers Islands, partly in his honor and partly in description of the climate, while the first capital of the Bermudas, St George's, preserves his Christian name and commemorates the patron saints of England. Sir George Somers was one of the Ellzabethean sea-dogs who made England's name feared on the seas at the close of the Sixteenth century. He made three voyages to the West Indies, on the third of which, en route to the starving settlement In Virginia, he was shipwrecked on one x>f the coral reefs of Bermuda. Here he built two ships of the native cedar, and continued his voyage, but •returned from Jamestown later in the same year for provisions. He died of a fevjer In Bermuda soon after his second landing on the islands, but his companions continued to England. It was probably from one of the sailors of this vessel that Shakespeare heard descriptions of the islands which he made the setting of "The Tempest" obuntai Good Christmas •r EDWARD S AN FORD MARTIN, ia Miaaauri Farmor. THOUGH doubtan doubt and acoffars scoff. And Peac* on earth acems itiH far fl0| Thoufh learned doctor* think they know The gospel storiea arc not to; - Though greedy man ia greedy stfll And com petition chokes good-will. While rich teen sigh and poor m«o*foat,~ , Dear me! wa can't spare Christmas jrati e ' Time may do better--maybe not; Meanwhile let's keep the day we've got I On Bethlehem's birth and Bethbfcam's sti# Whate'er our speculation* are. Where'er (or us may run the lina WWf human merges with diviiflt » We're dull indeed if we can't Mat-' What Christmas feelings ought tt k.'. And dull again if wa can doubt It's worth our while to bring thea #t "Glory to God; good-will to men!" Come! Feel it, show it, give it than! Come to us, Christmas, good old day. Soften us, cheer ua, say your say To hearts which thrift, too eager, keeps In bonds, while fellow-feeling sleeps. Good Christinas, whom our childrso lave, . " We love you, too! Lift us above Our cares, our fears, our small deffcnMl Open our hands and stir the fires. Of helpful fellowship within us, \ And back to lova and kindness wfc M! 3 r*\i Guests W fc\J Fiddler Crab's FfcMliaf EJrcept as bait for the fisherman, there Is no known excuse for the existence of the fiddler crab, which abounds In the mud flats of the south Atlantic coast. He frequents the deserted portions of beaches, and colonizes under the- barnacled wharves, drilling the wet sands with thousands of tiny twisting tunnels. At the mouth of his home he stands, poised, tense. And all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, the ungainly claw moves Jerkily up and down. It at once becomes apparent why he is known as a fiddler. It is as if he were drawing an unseen bow across an invisible violin. Whatever it is that is responsible for the fiddling activities seems to influence all the crabs in the vicinity, and it would seem as If they were part of one great Orchestra. Some of the shore natives insist that this is an exchange of signals among them. Y*nthful State* William Pitt was premier of Eng land when he was only twenty-four and Charles James Fox was recognized as the greatest debater In parliament when he was about the same age, having made his entrance in that body at the age of nineteen. John Young Brown of Kentucky was elected to congress when he was twen ty-four, and too young to take his seat under the provisions of the Constitution. He was elected to the Thirty sixth congress, but couldn't take his seat until the second session. This same Brown was again elected to the Fortieth congress, but his seat was de clared vacant on account of a dis loyal act Again he was elected to the f or ty-third and Forty-fourth congresses and later was governor of Kentucky. *, « £•*:'?•' ?. .t* - , - ••...?! v*?: OLLY," said Jerry Blaine to his sister, "will yon do me a little favor?"" "Possibly," drawled Molly. -What Is itr . "Well," began Jerry, "I want to give a little party on Christmas eve." "Christmas eve! That's not a good night for a party, Jerry. People have a habit of being frightfully busy about their own affaira," "Christmas eve It must be," insisted Jerry stubbornly. "All right Christmas eve it shall be, old obstinate. And 1 suppose the favor you're asking is my help on that most inconvenient of nights." <, "Rather your presence, Molly. AS a matter of fact, the guests to be are all unmarried. "Why not have it here at tbe house?" "Molly," said Jerry solemnly. "1 already have that party planned down to the very last bonbon and the only place I can picture It Is In the old home." v "How many/'<::0m:'asking, Jerry?" ,•• .. "Seven," came the prompt reply. "Besides you, Peter and myself. A comfortable dinner party." Jerry drove from his sister's straight back to the big square house that^, had been left jointly to Molly and himself. Today he strode through the long living room to a small study where he picked up a tiny snapshot from his desk and addressed It tenderly. "Phyllis sweetheart," he murmured, "here's hoping my wild schemes wont go wrong!" Molly hustled through the preparations for her own three youngsters, who had been put to' bed unduly early, and flew Into her party clothes. Peter was Inclined to grumble over the whole business but Molly bore with him good-naturedly and carried him off in plenty of time. Jerry flung wide the door at their ring. Molly entering, stopped short "How perfectly lovely!" s]ie cried. "I've been so busy with shopping, Jerry, that I've hardly seen you to a&k what luck you have had with your guests.",, Jerry drew down the corners of his mouth. "You were right" he said, "as always. Six absolutely could hot see their way to come." "That leaves--" began Molly. "You an-' I'eter, yours truly, and-- Phyllis Rowe. You know she has no .family at all." Whatever comments his sister was about to make were not uttered, for at that moment the doorbell rang, and there stood Phyllis, a lovely vision In furs. Molly, looking from Jerry to his pretty guest, was struck witfi a Burden thought. The two of them made a handsome pair. After a truly typical Christmas feast .Terry managed an aside with The Man of the Hour* The Safe Sid* ' *TOe first thing a lion tamer has to If in," says a circus owner, "is to keep on the right side of the animals." We ourselves Instinctively choose the l--Lofidon Punch. Too True An article In a magazine says that BMt Insects are man's friends. Bat so many friends hot* yo«l--Pathfinder Magazine. Map Always ChaagiBg Towns and villages appear 41 ff» appear so rapidly in the United States that the federal government is obliged to issue a brand new official map of the country every tw Iter's Weekly. Early Match** A century ago, tbe original pboros matches were sold in boxes of Vala trifle over one cent a match. ••I Love Vou, Phyllis, and Want You for My Wlf*." his sister as Peter was discussing • recent play with Phyllis. "Molly," he said persuasively, "coax Peter Into the study and see If you can't stay th^re for a little. Run the radio, poke over my treasures, anything." Then he turned to Phyllis. "Come," he invited, "let's sit by the fire and tell secrets: I'll tell mine first 1" be promised. "I love you, Phyllis," he said at last, "and I want you for my wife. 1 have Imagined you again and again sitting here In Just this way beside me. Have 1 any chance, dear?" Phyllis did hot, Speak for a moment and Jerry's heart sank like a plummet Then, softly, there stole from tbe study the sweet strains of "Silent night holy night." Phyllis lifted her pansy eyes to Jerry's and laid her slender band on the arm of his chair where it was instantly grasped. Every chance in the world," S|jc/whi8pered. Later, Molly took Jerry to task. "1 believe," she said accusingly, "yoo asked those people on Christmas eve Just hoping they wouldn't come." Her brother looked sheepish. Then, "Right you are," he admitted. "1 got an acceptance from Phyllis first, however. and gambled on the others being too busy." "You're a fraud f said Molly. - • "Merry Christmas I" said Jerrys (C by MeClnre Newspaper 8yndlcata.) (WNU Service) C«l*bratioa Mad* NotaM* • Fourth of'July celebration, held 100 years ago in a Boston church, witnessed the first singing of "America," and the famous missionary hymn, "Tbe Monitiif Light is Breaking." Efatl of Atmoaphr* If It were possible to reach the moon, an adult weighing 175 ponnds on earth would weigh only 29 pounds there. Rhinoceros Protected Only two herds of the nearly extinct white rhinoceros are known to exist one in Sudan and one in Zululand. Both herds are protected by the govtrxnents of these territories* V - Harmoay Every thought that is not In harmony with the law of love most sure ly be expiated with much suffering by (he thinker.--C. B. Newcombe. ;v. for Legislative Job Orangeburg, S. C.--There are politfrlftna and politicians, but Bob Conmiddle- aged farmer who will represent Orangeburg county in the n«ct legislature, holds a distinction all his own in this part of the country. Discarding all, , accepted campaign precedents, he* meticulously avoided bragging about his qualifications for office, and instead boasted of his unfitness. Be never let an opportunity paw# without telling his aadlences of his msny faults. "I do not pay my taxes," he.Kould often say, "and I am not gdng to pay until I am forced to. I am lazy, I have a very limited education, I have a very bad disposition, and I am a business failure and can prove It." He also said he stood for economy in state and county government Connor led a field of 17 candidates. His campaign expenses amounted to $22, inclusive of a $15 entrance fee He is the first legislative candidate In this section ever to put his case before the voters without paying for the usual announcement. in the newspapers or printing campaign cafdSy Find Aztecs May Lived in United States " .Columbia, Mo.--Aztec Indians may have once roamed in the Central part of the North American continent, two University of Missouri professors believe. Dr. James B. Berry and Doctor Jesse, anthropologists, expressed that opinion after they discovered pieces of sculpturing near the Lake of the Ozarks at a point thought to bte an old Indian camp. They found a sculptured stone head ata natural portage. The stone was of a different variety than is found in that region. The North American Indians, Doctor Berry said, were not so accomplished in primitive art as the Aztecs. Their "sculpturing, he said, was limited to utilitarian objects. Objects similar to the one found In Missouri have also been picked ujs In the lower Mississippi valley, he said. This Is believed to strengthen the theory that the Aztecs did not,always live in Mexico. Museum Gets Models of First Post Office Boxes Richmond, Va.--Models of the first post office boxes in history, those invented in Richmond more than a century apo by Wiliam Brown, employee of Dr. William Foushee, postnmstei here at that time, have been added to the new postal museum here by Post mastep Berkeley Williams. The "models were constructed by J. William Smith, who recently contributed a model of a stage coach of the ante-bellum days to the museum. The original' boxes were plain wooden affaira. with glass fronts. •X' Jury Decides Razzing of Policeman Is Legal Cincinnati-- The well-known "Bronz cheer," alias the "razzberry," aimed at ^ policeman, has been upheld by a Jury here. Deciding the "cheer" was no cause for arrest, the Jury awarded $300 damages to Ben Stein, who\was Jailed by Patrolman L. Van Coney. The legal definition of tljie "cheer" was left unsettled. TRAILS WE CROSS JBjf JAMES V. BROOKS V • <"• <*?>J .* "• @NC£ THE PRISON OF A GOVERNOR old j&il &i" Willi&msborg • Virginia, once held Governor fWitton, taken prisoner acr Bemsff by Cjeotg; "Cbgcrs Carle for interfering, with 1he wheels of New Worlddes%. Evidently ihosc early Americans vyenc a busy and determined lot", but Time has lor£ since released HamiHurt Yvhife' the old jail hangs on. ' ' - ' W A > <3 The Plaindealer makes a very fine, Christmas Gift m m m m m m m» m ^ mm n • i. r ' 11 i •-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- ^ -- ^ -- Central Garage Fred J. Smith, Prop. Johnsburg Chevrolet Sales. ~ General Automotive Repair Work Give us a call when in trouble -1 Expert Welding, and Cylinder Keboring . Day Phone 200-J Night Phone 640-J-2 if : TUtkdealers at BtflferV Special Offer for Limited Time To those who cannot afford to pay more, I 'am offeriag Glasses for Near Work, reading, sewing, etc., as low as S2.SJ0 , *,• t- - JNo humbug--fully guaranteed- $ #H! fe# fttmy summer home Sundays and Mondays 8^ day to test eyes. Entrance across from Joe Frett's home on Riverside Drive, McHenry. Phone 211-R DR. C. KELLER, Optometrist tad Opticiaip s ' \ J •J* : .Vs'" 'hi- W inter's warmth is like Summer's sun j* M , - if in a Crtts Heated Home •' -'i• ^ ... v ' •; j/ - * ' , REPUBLIC W' GAS BURNER • - r i i i I i n t o »nr <>|<| lurn.K t . the prospect of another winter'a fire tead> •-./ i i t i H t n l h . - i! - I a I 1 r ii i n ( t \\ 1) (i ii r - . STER, in a gas-heated home, is more comfortable than summer weather. For gas heat gives the delightful warmth of a balmy day without the varying temperatures of summer time. A blizzard or a sudden thaw are powerless to affect tl» even, thermostat-measured warmth that surges up from the gas furnace. The furnace tends itself--home heating is dismissed from your thought*. up the grates? Wouldn't you gladhr consign the whole nuisance to perditioar You can well afford gas home heating under present rates. Prove it! Obtain ft reliable estimate. Of course, there's aft obligation in asking for the facts. Why not reach for the phone right mm talk it over with the heating contractor Doo't you dread the first oold days wfth / nearest to you ? GAS **d ELECTRIC COMfftNYJ 0. K, COLLINS, District Manager . 4:% >