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Would certainly result In an enfeebled and stunted population. Tlie woman heard wh^t he had to offer; and then said: "Well, young man, nil I have to tell ye is that the men o' this place are a deal bigger and stronger and hand­ somer nor you." ID you ever, give a man the* wrong medicine. Dr.- Mac- pberson?" .. .v;; *• " Macpherson shook his head. "I do not remember' doing so. But I once gave a man an overdose of a drug for a sleeping draught, which nearly killed him. It was his own fault, though, as you will see when I tell you the story. "It was when I was quite a young man. and soon after I started a practice of my own at Chelsea. I had taken a pretty large house there, as a doctor is bound to do if he wants to get on, and kept a couple of servants. On the night, however, when my adven­ ture happened, both the girls were away. So that when a violent ring came at the front door bell about mid­ night, when I was just thinking of turning in. I had to go and answer it myself. When I opened the door I found that it was as I expected.. A small boy, breathless with running, Informed me that I was required at once at an address he gave me in a street about half an hour's walk from my house. " 'What am I wanted for?' I asked, but the boy could not tell me. He had been passing the house, he said, when an old gentleman opened the door, gave him a half crown, and told him to run "as hard as he could for the nearest doctor. "I put on my overcoat and started, i carrying with me a few things on the I chance that they might be necessary, j Including a strong soporific which I j might have to use if I found my patient i In great pain winch I could not im- ! mediately relieve. "I had concluded that my services ! were made necessary by some accident, and used as much haste as possible, therefore, in getting to the address ,which the boy had given me. As I approached the house I was surprised to find it in complete darkness, and I could not help wondering whether I had been made the victim of a practical joke. I was prepare with an apology for my intrusion when I heard steps descending the stairs and coming along the hall in answer to my second ring. The door was opened by a genial-look­ ing old gentleman in a flowered dress­ ing gown, who carried a lamp in his hand, and whose first words set my mind at rest as far as my fears of a hoax were concerned. " 'Oh! you are the doctor, I sup­ pose?' he said. 'Will you walk iup- stairs, please?' "He was chatting all the while that he preceded me up the broad staircase in a voice that certainly did not show any anxiety. As he led the way into a room on the first floor at the back and placed the lamp on the table. I glanced around the place quickly, ex­ pecting to see some sign of the person I had come to attend. "The room was comfortably, almost handsomely, furnished as a sitting- room and contained a cheerful-looking fire, before which two armchairs were drawn up, with a small table between them, containing two glasses, a bottle of whisky and a siphon of soda water, besides a box of cigars. But there was no sign of a patient. " 'Take your great coat off and sit down,' gaid the old gentleman; 'you can put your things on the table. I suppose you will not object to a glass of Scotch and a cheroot? I can rec­ ommend the cheroots.' "He had seated himself in one of the armchairs as he spoke an*j^was filling the glasses. " 'Pardon me.' I said, in considerable astonishment, 'but had I not better see the patient before I do anything else?' "He looked up, as if surprised at my suggestion. "'Oh, I am the patient,' he said, placidly. "I started in greater surprise than ever, for he looked quite' a picture of health, and he smiled good-naturedly. " 'If you will sit down I will tell you what is the matter with rue,' he said as placidly as before. 'I do not like to see a man standing while I am sitting, aud if you do not take your coat off you will catch cold when you go out again. You doctors never use your knowledge to take care of yourselves. That is better'--as I obeyed wonderingly. " 'I am a victim of insomnia,' he went on, after I had taken the other arm­ chair; 'I suffer terribly. You cannot tell what it is to stay awake all night long while the rest of the world is asleep. Not a soul to speak to, the one living person in a city of dead. I think that it will send me mad some day.' , " 'Yes, it is a great affliction,' I said, shortly, not a>little chagrined that I had been summoned at thattimeof night to a consultation which could have been held at any time, 'but it can be cured in time with healthy living.' " 'But that does not help me to-niglit.' said my patient, pushing the box of < cigars toward me. , " 'You are suffering to-night?' I asked with my most professional air. " 'Yes, I am perfectly certain that I shall not sleep a wink. It would make ;'l took out the sopbrfie I had prepar­ ed before starting as I spoke, but the old gentleman shook his bead hopeless­ ly. .. - , • X 'It is riot the feast Use giving me drugs, doctor,' he said. 'I have satur­ ated my system with them and they have no effect upon me." "Then may I ask" why you have sent for me?" I asked, feeling very much like losing my temper. " 'Well, it is like this, doctor,' he said, placidly. 'I can't sit up all night by myself. I feel as though I should go mad if I do. I must have somebody to talk to.' " 'And you mean to tell me ' I began hotly, and paused for want of words to express my indignation. "My patient took advantage of the pause to proceed in his gentle, half- apologetic manner: " 'I assure you, doctor, that I looked upon it qiiite as a business matter. I do not look upon a physician as a philanthrophist, but as a business man, whose chief inducement after all is to make money. May I ask what your usual fee is?' " 'My usual fee is seven and six pence,' I said, severely. I was a mod­ est beginner in those days. 'But when I am called out in the night ' " 'You make it higher, of course,' put in my patient impertubably; 'shall we say ten shillings?' "I nodded. " 'And may I ask how long your visit usually takes?" " 'It varies from five minutes to an hour.' "The man performed a short calcula­ tion on his fingers. " "Then we may call your average visit thirtv-tw > and 1 half minutes,' he said quietly. 'Well, I am quite prepared to pay you ten shillings for every thirty- two and a half minutes that you remain with me. You came in at exactly 12:20. Allow me to.pay you up till seven min- I utes to 1.' He gravely handed me half a sovereign as he spoke, and went on: 'If you prefer it I have not the least objection to your giving me medical advice all the time you are here, al­ though that is quite immaterial to me, so long as you talk about something, and keep me from the loneliness that I dread. Do take a cigar and help your­ self to the whisky.' "His tone was so business-like and matter-of-fact that is was impossible to quarrel with him. Besides, his evi­ dent dread of being alone, which so many victims of insomnia hare, ap­ pealed to my sympathies. I was not successful enough then to disregard the chance of gaining a rich and eccen­ tric patient the very class who make the profession worth practicing, from a pecuniary point of view. I made no demur, therefore, but determined to stay at least until I had given him di­ rections for curing his want of sleep by systematic exercise and plain living, . and I lighted one oT his cheroots, which were, indeed, excellent "At the end of half an hour I rose to j go. But my strange patient pleaded with me so earnestly to accept another fee and stay half an hour more that I scarcely had the heart to leave him. A fresh idea occurred to me. " 'I will stay on one condition,' I said; !that you lie down and let me try to get you to sleep.' I felt that if I could succeed in doing so I should have done something to justify my visit and should be able to get back to my own bed without any danger of offending a possible remunerative patient "He agreed instantly, and drew up a comfortable-looking couch to the fire in place of his chair. " 'Now, if I will do my level best to sleep, will you promise not to leave me till I am off?' he said, aud, feeling pretty confident of my powers, I rather unwisely consented. "I began by reading aloud to him in a soft, monotonous tone, whicn I have generally found effective, and at the end of half an hour was congratulating myself on my success, when the old gentleman jumped up wide awake, and fishing in his pocket, produced another half sovereign. •- 'I must not forget your fee,' he said as he lay back again at full length on the couch. 'Please go on. It is very soothing.' I \Vas getting desperately sleepy my- will help you&I saM, filling It up; 'try drinking It straight off.' "It appeared to me to take effect very quick!}', bu£ I did not flatter myself on the point until my fee became due. when, finding that my patient did not stic, I rose "softly, put on my hat snd coat, and, turning down the lamp, felt my way downstairs in'the dark, and let myself out,of the house. 1 "As I walked home I told myself that I had secured a desirable patient, and already given him some reason to have faith in my powers. The four half-sovereigns jingled pleasantly in my pocket, and I had still time left to get a good sleep before it was necessary to begin the day's work. But rest was not for me yet awhile. As I opened my Own door with a latchkey a slrf^le glance at the hall was sufficient to put another complex­ ion' on the case, and I strode rapidly through the house, to find that.it hail been ransacked from top to bottom, "My old friend with the insomnia was simply the accomplice of a gang of burglars, who had taken this means of keeping me but of the way while his friends removed the greater part of my portable property. It seemed.to me as if they must have taken it away in a furniture van. . V "I hurried off at once to the neighbor­ ing police station, and the inspector ih charge looked serious. v - '." 'It seems to me like the work of a gang that we have been hearing of for sometime, but that we can't get hold o f . ' h e s a i d . • ""Well. I think I can take you to a house where you will find one of the gang,' I said,.and told him briefly of my patient. "The policeman smiled a superior smile. " 'He is one of the gang, without doubt, as well as the lad who brought his message, but you won't find him at the house now. You will find that he has taken the room furnished for a day or two, and vanished the instant you left the place.' " 'I have no doubt thai: was the plan,' I said, 'but I happened to give the gentleman a dose which, if he isn't as used to drugs as he pretended, will keep him asleep for a week.' " "'And did you find him?' "Yes, exactly as I left him. I had some trouble bringing him around. As we thought he was a notorious crimi­ nal, and his arrest led to that of the whole gang, and--what was of more importance to me--the recovery of my furniture. It has often made me smile to think of my little sleeping draught effecting what the whole police force of the metropolis had been trying to do for months. I call it a triumph of med­ icine."--Chicago Chronicle. LOVE, LIGHT AND LUCK. A Millionaire Senator Who Has Three Strong; Points of Belief. Senator John P. Jones, of Nevada, is a firm believer in luck. He told me a little while ago, says a writer in the New York Telegram, that he deserved no credit at all for being a millionaii'e. "I am one of the comparatively few who were bom under a lucky star,!' he said. "Without luck as an aid I would never have been beard of. That's the ease of most successful men, you will find, whether cbey will admit it or not. I have always found that luck was just ahead. I once wandered away from my party in the mountains and the in­ tense cold threatened to finish me be­ fore I joined it again. I got under the friendly side of a bowlder to escape the icy blasts that came roaring down the mountain aud about the first thing I saw there was one solitary match. I gathered some brushwood, struck the match and it went out A little dis­ heartened, I proceeded on my way, and hadn't gone twenty paces before I saw another match, but it was a wet one. I dried it on my hair and struck it It sputtered, burned, flickered, danced, winked and finally blazed and in ten minutes I Avas cooking before a roar ing fire. My comrades saw the smoke and in a little while joined me. Ever since that time I have always found a match just ahead. It is worse than folly for a man to become discouraged. Life is only a question of hanging on Luck h^d as much to do with Xapo'e: n's success tus ability. It surely was not ability that made him, when 22, meet when lie was on his way to the river to commit suicide, in the dead of night a friend who gave him a belt full of money. That friend, and not Napoleon changed the map of Europe and has given hundreds of thousands of print ers. binders, writers, actors, scene painters, soldiers and sailors a livin Even Shakspeare was lucky--to have been such a favorite of nature as to re ceive the most royal gift she ever be stowed upon mortal man--a brain of rubies. Thet three L's are the greatest thing in tiie world--Light,, Love and Luck." FATE OF THE MIGH WHEEL. The Old Ordinary Bicycle Is Practi" cully Worthless. ; • The "oiflSordinary" is no .more. With rusty tires and broken ribs.its battered carcass lies on the waste pile; It was Cruelly crushed under the juggernaut of fashion, its lease of life taken away from if and its commercial value re­ duced from $1550 to 73 cents. For the Bum of an ordinary quarter of a dollar three times over you can buy one of the graceful, stately and formerly fashion­ able bicycles with the high front wheel. Every bike lias its day and the "old or­ dinary" has passed out of vogue. Its history is interesting as an illustration* of the remarkable development of the Business of manufacturing wheels. The first "ordinary" bicycle was made In England in 18(57. The first built in America was constructed by Col. Albert A. Pope aud an employe named Atwell in the latter's shop on Lincoln street, Boston. It had a 54-inch front wheel and the backbone was or gaspipe. The wheels were of wood, with spokes % of an inch in diameter. The machine was completed in August; 1S77. "It weighed 113 pounds and cost the seem­ ingly enormous sum of $337. V Col. Pope's first machine was exceed­ ingly crude, but the "old ordinary",in its perfected form was a very graceful wheel, which ran easily and afforded a great deal of pleasure while iu vogue. Its fault was its utter impracticability. It was too high, too difficult to mount and this danger of taking ' headers" was too great to allow it to be of service to business men or permit any such growth in public favor as the safety wheels have enjoyed. As a result inventors were constantly scratching their heads to devise a bet­ ter form of wheel. Somebody thought of the advantage of speed to be gained by sending a chain first o^r a large wheel and then over a smaller one that urnished the power, and the safety was the result The first modern safety wheel was made in England in 1SS4. A few of them was sent to America a couple of ears later and then the importation became more frequent. There was a prejudice against the type for a time, but that wore away in 18S8 and 1889, and the following year witnessed the downfall of the "ordinary," and the as­ cension in permanent, popular favor of the "safety." I asked several local dealers what had been the fate of the "old ordinary." Said the head of a Fifth avenue firm: Most of the old wheels are still held by their old riders. Many have given them to their coachmen and servants and some of the wheels are stored away in an old corner of the home. Their value at present is almost nil. The ubber in the tires might be worth 5 cents a pound and the whole machine, if sold as junk, would probably not bring more than 75 cents. "Formerly a high-wheeler brought from $135 to $150. It would be mpos- sible to use them, or even part of them, in the manufacture of the new ma­ chine, as the designs are entirely differ­ ent "The manufacturers were fortunate in getting rid of most of their stock be­ fore the safety rage set in for good. But, us usual, the middle man got the worst of it. and some of the dealers have quite supply on hand yet. Of course, there were not as many riders then as there are now, and consequently not so many wheels left over."--Pittsburg Dispatch. Order in Court. The judge of a Western court, in or­ der to secure a safer and more civilized ondition of affairs in the court room, asked the twelve jurymen and the ten attorneys present to place their pistols in a pile in the corner of the room, but there seemed to be some hesitancy in complying with the request, and the judge insisted. If your honor will put his down first," suggested the foreman of the jury, "I guess the balance of us will foller suit." "Certainly, gents," replied his honor, and laid his guu down iu the corner. In a few minutes all the others had done the same, excepting the sheriff and his deputy, who were not included, and twenty-three pistols were reposin peacefully on the floor. "Now, gents," said his honor, sud­ denly whipping out a gun. "the first man that goes near that pile gits it iu the neck." In an instant every man's hand went to his other hip pocket, and as his honor dived behind the desk twenty-two bul­ lets went through the window back of where he had been sitting, and twenty- two men were waiting for him to stick his head up, but he did nothing so rash. "Put up them guns," lie"yelled; "put up them guns, or I'll fine every d one of you for contempt of court."-- New York Sun. His Speciality. Pertjjaps ,to be admired for mistaken virtues is harder to bear with patience than not to be" admired at all. There is a story of an artist whose clouds were very highly approved by the public until they learned that the strokes were intended to represent a cascade. Another instance, of mistaken appre­ ciation is told of the painter Constable. He was one day leaving the Royal Academy where he had been busy with his colleagues of the Hanging Commit^ tee in arranging the pictures for fh& exhibition, and at the door he met Sam, the porter, who had been helping with the mechan|cal part of the work. They had just beeu moving into place one of Constable's own landscapes, painted in his characteristic manner, and full of the spots of light which he was accustomed to iutroduce into his pictures. "Well, Mr. Constable, sir," said Sam, that's a picture of yoUrs, sir! Wonder­ ful, sir!" - J - ' ' 'Glad you approve of it, Sam," said the artist, feeling in'his pocket for a shilling wherewith to encourage Sam's t a s t e . . . • , -'Wonderful, sir!" repeated the man, I never see snow painted so natural in all my life!" . : ! \ Meals in Java.' Breakfast proper is served from seven to nine o'clock, but the Dutch have no idea of breakfast and it is a very in­ ferior meal in the hotels, at any rate, consisting merely of bread and butter, both bad, slices of cold meat left from the previous night's dinner, and eggs. The chief meal of the day is tiffin, which is composed of a dish peculiar to Java--the rice-table, or "rye-tafel," This is a thing to wonder at. It com­ mences with a soup-plateful of boiled rice which is handed round in large bowls and served with a wooden ladle. From ten to twenty dishes, all put on the tab le at once, are then handed round, and some of each put into the rice, or on a small plate beside the soup plate. These dishes include fish, fowl, meat of various kinds, curried eggs, fried bananas, shrimp fritters, omelette and curry, finishing up with chutneys of all softs, served in a large round dish divided into many compart­ ments. This remarkable concoction of many viands is then thoroughly mixed up1 and eaten with a spoon or fork, as one prefers. It really is not half bad, after you get used to the queer con­ glomeration. It is follow-ed by beef­ steak, almost raw\ and fried potatoes, and this is succeeded by dessert. BATTERED WRECKS IN LONDON- Pathetic Comments from Lips Whose Owners Have Been Unfortunate. The "Donna," in Lbndop, haB been called "the table..,d'hote of the unem­ ployed." It has been enabled! to go on through another! hard winter, selling to any man who can produce a ha'penny a bowl of soup or a slice of nourishing "batter puddiug. Last year at a time of terrible distress among the poor, free tickets were issued, and a large piece of bread was added gratis to each din­ ner, so long as the supply held out. "I do be very thankful for this lump o' bread," said one man. "How long will this extra bread go on?" asked a weak old creature. "A month, do you say? Ah, I hope it may, and then another may take my pla^e; I shan't be here." •" •1 v; -' V' At the Ni&ht Refuge one old man on crutches was helped inside the door before his more stalwart companions. "I'm on the rocks," said he. "It's five years since I've done any regular work. I might be Cain, for all the friends I have;; though I take it he was better off in some ways, having wife, children and possessions, while I've none." '} "And what would you do with 'em here?" asked a gruff voipe. The old man's lips trembled. "They're all gone to a better land," said he, "but, mate, I'm lonely, lonely!" The gruff voiced man laid a hand on his shoulder. "We're in the same boat, and stuck on the same rocks, I take it," he replied. "My missus died four years ago, and I buried my heart when I buried her and the little 'un with her. As I give her the last kiss, I felt froze as cold as her, and I came home--it wasn't home any longer--and sold off every stick; and I've tramped it since. I'm just a breathiu' bit o' marble." "God help us all," groaned another man; "to think that, in this free and Christian land, we should have no­ where to put our heads to-night! It strikes me there's a fresh dividing of pillows needed; some with so many and others with none. It don't seem hard­ ly fair!"--Longman's Magazine. Yankee Enterprise. Among the letters which followed Emperor William to Sweden on the oc­ casion of his recent trip along the pic­ turesque coast and fjords of that coun­ try was a document bearing an Ameri­ can postmark. It was addressed to his majesty by a New York manufacturing firm. It seems that the writers had read in some American newspaper of a new lamp which had been tried in the presence of the Emperor at Berlin and had given the utmost satisfaction. In the letter they stated that they were ignorant of the name and address of the manufacturers or inventor of the lamp and that, as they knew %t had been experimented with before his majesty, they concluded to ask him to be good enough to furnish them with the name and address of tht^ Berlin house in question, and at the same time to forward an inclosed letter. The Emperor is reported to have been much amused by this bit of Yankee en­ terprise, and personally transmitted the letter to the Berlin firm.--Chicago Rec­ ord. Oil the Farm Machinery. Farm machinery lasts longer, does better work and runs lighter by being kept well oiled. To "oil well" does not mean to pour on great quantities of oil, the most of which runs out of the box- ing and down upon the ground or upon the paint, disfiguring the machine and collecting dust. To "oil well" is to save oil and yet keep the bearings well lub­ ricated. Fertilisers. Barnyard manure is not a complete fertilizer, especially when not saved and handled under the best possible self, and more than ever anxious to sue- j conditions. It should be kept under ceed and get .away. cover and turned now and then, or^ if " 'T^jtis won't do,' he said quite an*; not prepared for this, should be scat- iously 'If I go to sleep how on earth tered over the fields as soon as made. shall I know what I owe you?' " 'You can trost that to me,' I said, shortly, and continued the reading again, with what seemed like complete success, till at 2 o'clock my patient jumped up as lively as ever to present me wlth my-fourth fee. "The want of success made me des­ perate, and I was already regretting deeply the promise which prevented me leaving the old gentleman to his fate, and getting home, when another thought suggested itself to me. "The sleeping draught which he had The stirring up will be done pretty thbr oughly by the hogs if a little corn is hid in it. me! feel suicidal to go to bed and try. j refused was lying on the table before That is why I sent for a doctor, but I [ roe. He admitted having taken large am sorry you have had to come so far.' 'Well, It is lucky that I have brought some drugs with me,' I said, , opening my brief bag" before me. 'I will give you a sleeping draught for to­ night, but you must give up drugs "and live healthy and take plenty, of exercise and diet yourself if you really want a Quantities of every known drug, but this was a very strong one, and might affect him more than he expected, if t could get him to take it He had re­ fused so pointblank before that I did not ask his consent, "but slipped It quietly into a-glass while I was read­ ing. \ \ " 'Perhaps a aother glass o£ whisky "The thief whp broke into my shop last night" said the false-hair iner chant, '^reminded me very much of a firecracker." "How was that?" asked his friend. -"He went off with a bang, sighed the hair merchant--Harper's Bazar. .• " Patient--How can I reduce my weight? Doctor--You should have something to do. Something to keep your mind busy, to worry you even. Pa tient--By the way, you might send your last mouth's bill in.--Philadelphia. Re.c lord. ' Men are sometimes unable to get bread -and meat, but they can always get whisky and cigarettes. Most people just drag along until it is time, fee them to die. Geologists Under Fire. Three famous British geologists were making a survey of the south coast of the Isle of Wight, and had oc­ casion to . cross a farm. The owner rushed out, and with much angry speech and many flourishes of a spade, ordered them to withdraw. They sought to explain who they were; that their business was official; that they were doing no harm. The farmer would not listen. The land was his; If they didn't move off, he would make an end of them. The next day, when they again tried to cross the farm, its owner was even more Violent. He had armed himself with something more dangerous than a spade, and the_ men of science were at last compelled to bring him to rea­ son by having him summoned before a magistrate. That was an extreme example of the adventures, dangerous, disagree­ able or comical, which continually be­ fall men who study nature out-of-' doors. One member of the staff of the Brit­ ish Geological Survey declares that he lias many a time received and posted letters entrusted to him by persons who Insisted upon taking him for a mail- carrier. Some members have fpund themselves under surveillai.'ce by the oollce as suspicious ..characters, and others have been denounced as insane. One such geologist "tfiis greeted by an old lady as the "sanitary Upector, No, no, lie told her; that was an honor that did not belong to, him; but as he glanced about and saw the ftUby con­ dition of the place, lie ventured to add that it would not be a bad idea if that official were to come along. ' Such ac­ cumulations of unclean things were dangerous to health, he- added, and It Isn't English. Americans who affect the so-called English pronunciation of the letter "a" in words like "ask," "pass," and "last," are so much inclined, especially iu Bos­ ton, to overdo the matter that it is well to reprint the testimony of a Baltimore traveler who took pains while in Eng land this summer to observe critically the usage of cultivated speakers there on this point. He found in effect that their "a" was a cross between the "a of "ah" and the "a" of "at." He list­ ened carefully to the orthoepy of Lord Chief Justice Russell, Lord Rosebery and Lord Salisbury and to that of the eminent churchmen, and fouud that nowhere "was there any such broad and deep pronunciation of words, and especially the letter 'a,' as we generally consider to be the English method." Their pronunciation was almost iden tieal with that "of good speakers in Baltimore and New York. 'I/iza. A plain, old-fashioned name, unheard by - me for many years, But still I see it has the power to ope a fount of tears; It calls up, too, tlie youthful days among "• the hazy hills. ' v Of mornihgs thrilled by mocking.birds, of • nights by whippoorwills; And somehow even now I think, as often long ago, » No days have been as sweet as then, when I was 'Lisyi's beau. • I'm told her married life was hard and changed her much at last; Bat how she's slumbering, wfell up there, where all her yesirs were passed. Forgotten are all wrongs to her ia that . unending sleep-- .» ' * ' The look unkind, the cold neglect, th* words that made her weep; But now and then I find myself a-wishiag 'she could know . ' • ^ One heart is still as trite as then, when X was 'Liza's beau. --Memphis Commercial-Appeal. Want Two Smokestacks; A steamship ticket ageut on the east side whose busiuess. is chiefly with 'olish and Russian Hebrews who are about to return to their homes tells of peculiarity of his customers. No one of them wants to travel on a vessel hav- only oue smokestack. Somehow these people have au idea that a ship is not safe, handsome, Comfortable and speedy unless she lias two or three stacks. Their passage costs them only 20, and they are not solicitous about baths or the decorations of their quar­ ters, but on the point of a single fun­ nel they are as firm as a rock. A great many passenger steamships have only one stack. Some new ones in which the steerage accommodations are espe­ cially roomy and well ventilated have no more, and the returning Poles insist they will not travel on them. The ticket agents feel no compunction about assuring their customers that the ship on which they are going to sail has three "rocliers" (smokers), as the He­ brews call them, and even point to a big picture of her on the wall, which serves as the likeness of any vessel which may be talked of. When the man and his family arrive at the pier on the day of sailing there is liiiely to be trouble when lie discov­ ers that his ship has only one miserable smokestack. Sometimes the people refuse point blank to go on board, and say they will wait for a steamer with three "smokers." An effective subter­ fuge has been invented for such cases. Solemn assurances is given that the ship has three or even four smoke­ stacks, but that all but one were taken down so that the ship could pass under the i.->rooklyn bridge. As soon as she got out to sea the additional stacks would be put in place and she would speed proudly on her way. The igno­ rant east-sider doesn't know that ves sels passing to sea from the Hudson River never get witnin two miles of the bridge, and takes his family on board. What he says and does when he learns that lie has been deceived does not bother the ship's officers particularly. New York Tribune- Sympathy. I had not thought this time a year ago That shrined to-day \vithin my heart would be Such treasures as thy friendship givetb me; My skies are bluer in thy light, and so All beauty,, truth, all gracious thing* that grow, I see with clearer vision, knowing thee;. Thy golden being seemeth as the key To ways wherein I long had yearned to go. And as to me thy joys such gladness bring, So does thy sorrow7 wring my heart with pain! 0 dearest heart, I find no voice to sing! Thy grief is mine, and till it pass again, 1 bow my head like silent birds that wing 'Round a bruised blossom burdened by the rain. --Evaleen Stein, in Mid-Continent Maga­ zine. He Found His Forte. A young man from a..rural village who was somewhat of a scapegrace around his native heath, recently came to the city and got a job as a street cat conductor. After lie had been at work for a few weeks he went home to spend a day. He told all kind of stories of his sterling worth in the city. Here's one that tickled his father: "The other day I was coming down Main street with car jammed with people. When I got near the center of the business section, a well-dressed man stepped out to get off the car. As he did so he said I hoi lered the names of streets the plainest of any conductor he ever rode with. He invited me to come and see him at his place of business. I went there the next day, aud he gave me a box of ten- cent cigars." VI knew that boy would make his mark if he once got into the city!" ex- clainied the old man.--Buffalo Courier. How to Quiet Violent Horses. According -to a recent discovery, it has been found that it is quite enough to touch the nostrils of a horse, simply passing the fingers along the sides of his nose, to stop the activ>ty of his heart and respiration, and to stop con­ sciousness in a treasure. It la well known noft- that most of those men who succeed in quieting violent horses put their fingers to that part, and some­ times inside the nares. Merely touch­ ing these: parts may produce the same effect;.pressing hard lias more effect Visitor--Life must be very monotoi.- ous to you. Convict--Yes. sometimes. Visitor--When does it seem most tire­ some to you? Convict--Just now, fo! instance--Philadelphia Record. Curiosities in Cotton. A hank or cut of cotton always con­ sists of 840 yards. Thomas Houlds- wortli & Co., of England, produced by their machinery cottou yarn or cotton thread so fine that out of one pound A-eiglit of cotton were spun 10,000 hanks, or a thread of 4,770 miles irj length. Of course, the thread was too fine to be of any practical value. It demonstrated only the perfection of the machinery. No material admits of such fine spinning as does cotton. Messrs. Houldsworth spun out of one pound of sea island cottfh a thread 1,000 miles in length that was quite strong enou for use. With linen yaru a hank or cut consists of 300 yards. Red Clover. Robin, atilt on! the nppl«--treeT~.. J Singing your love to the waking world, What is the sweetest thing you see From the quivering bough with the dew impearled? Do you love the golden daisies best. Or the roses glowing vMth splendid fire? What do you tell your mate in the nest Of the flowers that bloom for your heart's desire? Robin, winging across the dell, That the rippling wind goes swaying over, As you dip and rise to the long sea-swell Of the waves that pass o'er the blush- red clover, I think you say to your mate in her nest And she, I fancy, chirps back to you, That the lowliest blooms you both lovo best, While over your brood the sky is blue. Harper's Bazar. Wheat and Clover. On one side slept the clover, On one side sprang the wheat, And 1, like a lazy lover. Knew not which seemed more sweet.-* The red caps of the clover Or the green gowns of the wheat The red caps of the clover, They nodded in the heat, And as the wind went over With nimble, flying feet, It tossed the caps of clover And stirred the gowns of wheat. O rare red caps of clover, O dainty gowns of wheat, You teach a lazy locer How in his lady meet The sweetness of the clover, The promise of the wheat. --London Spectator. A Curious Tree. One of the most peculiar formations of trees stands a few miles to the south­ east of Zittau and within sight of the Saxo-Bohemian frontier. It is called the "Harp of Sommerau" on account of its shape. The tree has been standing for more \han 200 years, reaches a height of ISO feet and measures nearly 7 feet around the trunk at the base. It is the most popular attraction for tour­ ists and promenaders for miles around, and once a year, in the bunting season, a hunting breakfast Is given at the base by Baron Reibersdorf, to whose manor it belongs. '• , -- -- ----: Kt New Chain. " Among recent patents is one for a noyel chain gear in which each link is made of a separate piece of metal and complete in itself. The links are read­ ily connected or detached, so that a chain of any length can be put together in a very short time, or shortened to any requisite extent quite as easily. Oh. isn't she a gay, romantic girl When she sets out to pass away the summer? Though first she dreams of npthlhg but an earl, At last she Is contented with a drum­ mer. _' --Judge. Dukane--"So young Timber wheel has succumbed to Cupid and married the ugly Miss,Roxgalore." GanweU~ "You mean he has 3uccumbed to cupid­ ity."---Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph: The Major's Deer Hunt. Major Champion, in his book "On the Frontier," describes a deer hunt, in the course of which he found his dog astride the dead body of the deer, while an Indian stood a little way off, bow and arrow in hand. By sign he made the white man understand that he had wounded the deer, and the dog pulled it down. Then he cut up the deer, tied the l'orehalf of it up in the skin and placed it on oue side. The other half he laid at Major Champion's feet, de­ livering himself of a speech in the Ute language. The white man understood his meaning, but not a word of his ad­ dress. The Indian and the dog had killed the deer together, and the dog's owner was entitled to half the game. The major was equal to the emer­ gency. He rose and delivered in-full the classical declamation, "My name Is N'orval," with appropriate gestures, just as he had many times given it at school. Nothing could have been better. The Indian and the white man shook hands with effusion, and each with his share of the venison rode away. Stallions Fight. A thrilling struggle took place in the barns of W. A. VVadsworth of Geneseo lately. Two fine stallions, one an im­ ported thoroughbred named Devil-to- Pay, the other a large Percheron called Victor Hugo, were kept iu the stable. By some means the Percheron rubbed against the door of Devil-to-Pay's stall, loosening the latch. The'door swung open and the latter, with a shrill neigh, leaped out Into the open. This was the-r signal for a combat. The stallions fac- • ed each other, then circled around and finally came together like shots from a catapault, the thoroughbred snapping and biting, and then with lightning-like quicknesH would whirl and his heela would strike the sides of the Percheron, then away and make ready for a re­ newed attack. The Percheron was not so quick, but delivered his blows with Ills forefeet,-kicking with rapid succes­ sion. Tlio perspiration rolled down their sides nnd In some placed stained with blood where the Sharp hoofs or teeth had penetrated the hide. They were secured with much difficulty, and both animals were terribly injured by the combat--Exchange. After a young woman gets to be 30 she stops calling attention to her birth­ days by giving parties. ^