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.<• Ntft an' Insult. "T . I MaJ>t Lomax, of the United States : jyrmy, visiting in Canada-soon after the [war of 1812, was entertained in Quebec !by the officers of "one of the royal reg*i- j meats. After dinner, speeches and (toasts being1 in order, one of the Brit­ ish officers, having'imbibed too gener-' (ously of the champagne, gave as a toast: "The 'president of the United States, dead or alive.'-' The toast was accepted with laughter. Maj. Lopaax rose to respond, saying: "Permit me to give as my toast: 'The prince . re-_ " genC cTruhTc or sober.'" The British officer sprang instantly to his feet, and in angry tones demanded: "Sir, do you intend that remark as an insult?" To which Maj. Lomax calmly replied: MjNo, sir; as the reply to one." Wanted the Cow Most. A sensation was created at Carlisle, Pa., the other night at the home of Henry Uundorf, where a wedding was to have taken place. The bride-to-be Henry Dundorf, where a wedding was Joseph Derr, a farmer residing at Plain- field, Was the recalcitant groom. The guests had arrived and the wedding dinner was in preparation at the Dun­ dorf home,1 but the groom did not ar­ rive, and the bride began shedding tears. . Then the groom appeared and in a busi­ ness like Way informed the girl and her father that the marriage,would have to be postponed., as the money, he had saved toward, defraying Wedding ex­ penses he ilow intended to xise in the 'purchase of a cow, Derr then left the house. , ' - " "Excuse Mistakes." • A good-natured mistress lately acted as. amanuensis for a negro maid who, could neither read nor write. The* servant had not enough intelligence to guess that the lady who wielded the pen for her was well known in the world of letters, and made what is pro- vincially called "a pretty penny" by !her use of the quill now called into requisition to inscribe from dictatioii several letters to southern friends of the dictator. To her scribe's intense amusement each epistle concluded*with the petition: "Please excuse all mis- tflkpB." £ SAVE Coal, Shorts, Middlings, Bran, Oil Meal, Oats, Ground Feed. You have got to Use them. Get my prices on quantities, from a bag-full to a |oar load, be* fare' buying elsewhere. W. A. CRISTY, WEST MaBENR Y, ILL G ISTT ._ v ... ^'(VC WOOD, It.*-' RIPANS TA BI LES J ELGIN, ILL. LAST CHANCE To buy a Barrel of Apples for $2,25, as we shall ADVANCE PRICES To $2,50 on Jan. 13, 1896. •;' v Jan, io, & ii, '96. This will be just the time to re­ plenish your winter stock of Cloth­ ing, and you will find many Desirable Articles • , S * .1 At very low prices on these dates. J. W. CRISTY, & SON, Ringwood, 111. A. Bagsla's SALOON AND EISTAURffl McHENRY, ILLINOIS, Wholesale and Retail Agent ttor SCULITZ Milwatlee Brewina Co.'s Beer, THE BEST MADE. In any quantity from a Snitz Glass to ICO barrels. Orders by mall promptly attended ALSO, ALWAYS" O^HAMD Fin© Kentucky Liquors, French*Bitters, choice Ales* Wines, Cigars, Etc. I buy none but the best and sell at reasonable prices. Call and see me and I will us use you well. ANTONY- ENGELN. McHenry, 111., 1894. I. SCHEME NEAJt THE DEPOTi WEST MoHENRY, ILL. Saloon and Restaurant, will at *11 times beep tfaa beet brands of Wines, Liquors an5 Cigars v to be foand In the m&rket. PABST'S Ifillwaukes L&get lest At Wholesale and Retell . B«er In Large or Small Kegs or Bottles al- ray« on hand, cheaper than any other, quail. y ooooRlersd, Ovd«a by mall promptly attended to. GOOD STAMPING FOR HOR&FQ, JMTOaU aodisee as. Robert 80 hiessie. JULIA A. STORY, DEALER IN DRUGS and MEDICINES. A FULL LINE OF CHEMICALS, DYE STUFFS, Paints, Oils and Colors CONSTANTLY ON HAND. FDLL LINE OF PATENT/ MEDICINES, TOILET ARTICLES, Stationery and Druggists' Sundries. Physicians' Prescriptions (carefully compounded by a u r ) Registered Pnainmciat. Your Patronage Is respectfully solicited. ***•<----J-['L1A A. STORY One \D00r Went of Riverside Bouse, AIcEenry, III *F. L. McOMBER, -- DEALEIUN « HARDWARE, ST0YE6, RANGES, ETC. WEST McHEMK'S , ILL. PRICES. * THAT THAT THAT THAT a That there are sham closing out sales, which advertise wonders and do not fulfill them. - , The firm' who" advertise . the most bargains usually have the fewest to show. 1 Shoddy goods arc dear at any price. Our stock has always been up to the highest standard of quality and style, at prices in every instance under all competition. Disease commonly comes on with Blight symptoms, which when neglectecl increase iu extent and gradually grow dangerous i , •>' „ If you suffer from Headache, Dye- QTBATJC H AT3TTT "EG .-oepia or Indigestion..... TAKE iMvUlB If you are Billious, Constipated, or WT-13 A Hf ?? Hi'A fSTTV TS0 have a Disordered Liver..% TAKE : JjM&'&lfi} A£k& W MS W If your Complexion is Sallow, or n Ufic'toM you Suffer distress after eating, TAKE JLB U iiliw For Offensive Breath and all Dis- orders of thr Stomach TAKE RiPAHS • IABULES Ripans Tabulea act gently but promptly on the liver; stomach and intestines; cleanse the system effectually ; eure dyspepsia, habitual constipation, offensive breath and, headache. One Tabuie taken at the first indication of in­ digestion. billiousness, dizziness, distress atter eating or depression of spirits, will surely and" quickly remove the whole, difficulty. • .:/• .v1;- Ripans Tabules are prepared from a prescription widely used by the best physicians, and are presented in the form „ most approved by modern science, „ If given a fair trial Ripans Tabules are an infallible cure; they contain nothing injurious and are economical, :-; One ' Gives Relief.1': -: A box will be sent, postage paid, on recipt of 50 cts by RIPANS CHEMICAL CO, 10 Spruce S1„ New York. Loaal druggists everywhere will supply the Tabules if requested to do so. They are Easy to Take, Quick to Act and Save many a Doctor's Bill. • • OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO For the Year 1896 Our aim will be to outdo all previous efforts in Bargain Giving. P. S.--During January we must reduce the following stocks as much as possible, previous to invoicing: Dress Goods, Flannels, Blankets, Cloaks, Children's wool Dresses, Corsets, Undcwear, Boots and Shoes, Hardware, House-furnishing goods, This sale everybody looks forward to as a money saver. THEO. F. SWAN, GREAT DEPARTMENT STORE ILL, 0 JOHN FVANSON'S STORE. The best known reasons in meroantile life for quick clearance sales is the iminediate -need of cash, or too many goods on hand. Such are the conditions here, hence we offer during this month $10,000 worth of tlie cleanest and best General Merchandise to be found under any roof in this County. At wholesale prices, and for cash only. Sale begins Friday ana will continue until further notice. JOHN EYAISQN & CO. JACOB JUSTEN, FURNITURE, McHenry, Illinois. The Stove for you to buy is a PENINSULAR! Every one warranted, and sold at a Small Profit. The Largest and Finest line of Stoves in the Market F. L. McOMBER, West McHenry- UNDERTAKING, EMBALMING. We carry a full and complete stock of all kinds of $ FURNITURE! | KITCHEN, PARLOR, .... BEDROOM and DINING ROOM ( FURNITURE. We have a line line of goods and would.be pleased to show them to you. Call and see our line' before buying and we will do as well by you as anyone. - We solicit your trade. V '<1 . 5. WE CARRY A FULL STOCK OF Caskets, Coffins, Burial Robes, Etc., Etc. We guarantee first-class work in every respect. • -- 1 JACOB JTUSIMN* MoHonry, 111., Dec., 1895. ----" v - -- • mm 0 WHOLESALE AND RETAIL AGEN T FOR T>T. DB. JFLobinso"2 db Co.'s '1LF Formerly callcd Dot's Ale. 'AIuT. One of the finest and most healthful drinks in the market. I keep the same on tap or sell by the Keg, Half Barrel or Barrel. Farmers wishing a up the system, should try a keg of 'Alf and 'Alf. A. ENGLEN. McHenry, 111., Dec. 3d, 1895. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NJ, JUSTErfV WEST SIDE m Store. ^ [ Our line is as complete as ever and contains a large number of new designs in different woods. Book Cases, Library Cases, Desks, Chamber Suits, Lounges, Couches, y^p.cL PARLOR SUITS, From the cheapest to the best. Largest stock in the county at THE LOWEST PRICES. UNDERTAKING. Best of outfits 011 the most reasonable terms. "IS"® ftf, w"WWW West McHenry, 111. TO BREAD MAKERS, i|» " #'*»» l*s$m IBS ST i i«atSuM £?3EST! Si ilfe "ECONOMX IS WEAIiCH" Another car of the Famous Pillsbury Flour just received, Wash­ burn's Best also. Leads all others. A dollar for a fact; and .the fact is, that Washburn's Best Flour will give you the Very best satis­ faction, will give you the very best bread that can be produced. Everlastingly depended on ; every pound' guaranteed. If you have never used either of these,brands of flour, wo would be glad to re­ ceive your order for a trial sackj if found not as represented your money refunded. - : Leave your orders at the Mill -for Graham Flour, guaranted pure Buckwheat Flour, Granulated Corn Meal, Rye Flour, and we will do the-rest, rain or shine. Your patronage solicited. T. J. WALSH.