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Clifl Ward A journalist's mail can be interesting Besides the multi-million dollar salary and great public respect you command, half the fun of being a journalist is getting mail. Each day I get a stack of press releases, political messages, junk mail and the occasional hate letter. I was fortunate to receive this month's NFD Journal, a magazine published in Tupelo, Miss. NFD stands fur National Federation for Decency, a group which keeps us folks in Mid-America up on the heathenistic idolaters and devil worshippers in Hollywood and New York. It's a filthy job, etcetera, etcetera. Hiis month's issue contained healdines like "Toyota Pornographer of the Month," "i0-20 Pushes Premarital Sex," "TV-Big Brother in your Living Room," "60 Minutes Uses God's Name in Vain" plus numerous articles on various television series where fundamentalists were depicted as doddering idiots. After a bit of handwringing, NFD lists the sponsors of the program and invites you to write to their chairn^n to protest. Filthy, devil-worshipping companies like Pepsi, AT&T, and Nissan Motors are destroying our children by sponsoring such filthy programs as "The Dukes of Hazard," "Matt Houston" and "Maggie Briggs." About the same time I received the NFD Journal, I received another tract from an allegedly fundamental group called the Alamo Church from Alma, Ark. Their leader is Tony Alamo and his gripe is the Roman Catholic Church, an institution I happen to belong to. The Alamo "Church" (some experts have identified it as a cult) is circulating a pamphlet called "The Pope's Secrets," which would be laughable but for the fact that some im­ pressionable morons out there will read this thing and believe it. According to Alamo, the Jesuits, under direct orders from Rome, planned and carried out the assassinations of both Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy. JFK, himself a Roman Catholic, you may recall, was killed because he said he would follow the Constitution rather than church law, the Alamo tract says. I find this assassination claim hard to believe. I graduated from a Jesuit university, and not once in my four years there did I ever see a Jesuit commit an assassination. I never even saw them sitting around after Mass planning one. However, if they did do these things and didn't tell me about it, I think I deserve some tuition money back for getting an incomplete education. Did you know the Vatican controls die Internal Revenue Service and the Mafia and that it sponsors every major terrorist group in the world? That's what the Alamo church says. The terrorist line is that the more people think about the insane tragedy of terrorism the less they will be aware of the pope assuming world control. Clever, these Catholics. Remember the Reverepd Jim Jones? For years, I thought he was just a megalomaniacal screwball cult leader who had all his followers commit mass suicide after some of his more excitable brethren killed a California congressman. Not so, says Alamo. In fact, the pamphlet says Jones, "a Roman Catholic Jesuit deacon posing as a Christian, was * sacrificed (not with poisoned Kool Aid), murdered along with his flock by the Vatican to make the world look narrowly and suspiciously upon innocent Christian retreats." Jonestown an innocent Christian retreat? That's like calling Auschwitz a resort area. Hie problem with groups like the National Federation for Decency is groups like the Alamo Church. No matter how noble the self-righteous NFD thinks its cause is, their mission is besmirched by groups like the Alamo, which claim to be fundamentalist. Groups like the Alamo make me look all the more suspiciously at groups like the NFD. I know the Alamo Church is populated by loonies and I'm not so sure about the NFD. I can't see getting so excited about what's on television and I don't think the NFD should either. Granted, they are probably genuinely concerned about their pristine little brats being warped by the boob tube, but if your faith in God is strong enough, I don't think "Three's Company" is going to start you on the road to damnation. Besides, I don't think TV shows produced by fundamental religious groups are so great either. I've never been able to stomach more than five minutes of the big-time TV preachers like Jerry Falwell shamelessly pumping the video congregation for bucks. x So I think the National Federation for Decency should do what I do when I find something on the idiot box that I don't like. I change channels. When I run out of channels, I turn it off. 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New FOID applications, which have been available since May 1, reflect the changes in the law. Each application carries the warning that false statements made by the ap­ plicant * may result in prosecution for perjury. The Department of Law Enforcement will continue to accept the outdated application forms until June 30. r PACSTTPLAINDEALER - WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20,1 s p u r g e o n s McHENRY MARKET PLACE We're pleased to announce that Pat Schuott has joined our Hair Styling staff. Give Pat a warm welcome Just call 385-4520 and ask to make an appointment 6 Stylists To Serve You Open Daily 8 to 8, Sat. 8 to 5 Featuring Everyday $6°° Haircut Price WE USE AND RECOMMEND HELENE CURTIS PRODUCTS H McHenry _ - s.n.r I87'» lamdealer McHenry Herald (USPS 335-200) Established 1875 3812 West Elm Street Phone 815-385-0170 McHenry, Illinois 60050 Published Every Wednesday & Friday at McHenry. Illinois Second Class Postage PAID at McHenry. 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