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A kiss is still a kiss, but is a pat still a By Joan Ryan San Francisco Examiner Men are hard to figure out. In everyday interaction, they're physically undemonstrative to­ ward each other. They don't hug or kiss or even touch as women do. The most intimate contact between most male friends is a s l ap on t he back . and a handshake. Yet, put them on the playing field and the social taboos fall away. A pat on the rear, a ges­ tu re no rma l ly r e se rved fo r spouses, lovers and small chil­ dren, becomes the acceptable, perhaps the most popular, ex­ pression of encouragement and congratulations. This is especially true in the "big three" -- football, basket­ ball and baseball -- the sports of real men, the kind of men who subsist on rare steak and domes­ tic beer and who wear no gold chains thinner than nautical rope. Dr. Joyce Brothers, never one to dodge even the most ludicrous of inquiries, says the inherent machismo of these sports is the very reason men feel free to break the rules of intimacy. "Men worry a great deal about masculinity. Womenwpn the oth­ er hand, don't worry about femi­ ninity," Brothers said. "Men are very concerned about attitudes and behavior that might label them as sissy or ho­ mosexual. They're afraid to reach out and touch another man. But on the playing field, when they've proven beyond a doubt how masculine they are by hitting a home run or by knock- brought closer together by a common goal. An intimate ges­ ture such as a pat on the behind is merely an expression of camq- An arm around the shoulder or a pat is an intimacy men don't allow themselves in everyday life... You don't see nuclear physicists patting each other on the butt. ing someone down, they allow themselves the freedom of show­ ing their emotions. An arm around the shoulder or a pat on the tush is an intimacy men don't allow themselves in everyday life." Some sports psychologists see it differently. They compare ath­ letes to soldiers in battle who are raderie. It is an emotional re­ sponse to competing in a team sport, not a conquering of male insecurities. But enough of the experts. Let's go to the athletes. Randy Cross, a veteran guard for the San Francisco 49ers, calls fanny-patting a reflex action but is quick to add that "I'm not real big on it." Cross says he's not a fanny patter because, first, he's not terribly demonstrative, and second, "You get kidded about it -- especially in San Francisco." Cross agrees, however, that Joyce Brothers might be right about the masculinity thing. "You don't see nuclear physi­ cists slapping each other on the butt." The more you examine alter­ natives, the more fanny-patting makes sense. Handshakes and high-fives require that the per­ son you want to congratulate ac­ knowledge your intention to con­ gratulate him, then share in the physical expression of it. Few things are more embarrassing than swinging your arm up for a high-five and having the other guy run past you. There you are alone on the field with your arm sticking straight up in the air. You quickly scratch your neck or adjust your helmet and pray the ABC cameras were zoomed in on some other fool. Then there's the handshake. The first problem is that there are two kinds: The traditional horizontal pump and the modern upright clasp. If one player chooses one kind and his team­ mate chooses the other, you have two guys awkwardly greying and slapping hands. The mood and the moment are lost. Of course, there could be a simple explanation for players patting each other on the tush. It takes too long to take off their helmets and kiss. Tribulations of a *Fridge' Tuesday, August 13,1985 By A1 Browning Scripps Howard News Service Refrigerator Perry might be the only pro football player who has to be driven across town to be weighed. Where do the Chicago Bears find scales that can handle such a mass of humanity? Did you read what the defensive coordinator thinks of the former Clemson middle guard? Called him a wasted draft choice. How can the coach think that? Refrigerator might be good for foot- The Boys of Fall --* Johnsburg High School officially kicked off its 19854)6 school year Monday with the advent of football practice. Above, new Skyhawk head coach Mike Roberts makes a point during the afternoon session: Upper right, JHS assistant Bill Hurckes shouts his way through a drill, while Roberts, below right, watches a handful of Skyhawks run through a maze of ropes. Johnsburg will open its season Saturday, Aug. 31 against Richmond-Burton. 16-fnch League race tightens By Herald News Service McHENRY - With the regular season quickly coming to an end, there is a strong possibility a play­ off game will be required to deter­ mine the champion of the McHenry Men's 16-inch Softball League. Two teams -- Raymond's Bowl- Huff's Decorating and Palace Bowl- Dean Concrete -- have just one loss apiece heading into the final two weeks of the season. Palace topped Raymond's in the two team's final meeting to knot the standings. If necessary, a playoff duel will be played Thursday, Aug. 22 at 7 p.m. Still up in the air is the league batting champion. Teammates Jim Knox and Terry Hovseth of Ray­ mond's are dead even with .647 marks, while Joe Ubrig of Decker Construction is third at .615. Jim Kreher of H&M Machinery Movers is the only other hitter above .600. Knox holds a commanding lead in doubles with 13, four more than Palace's Tony Aiello. Four players are tied at four in triples: Knox, Palace's Phil Creden, Old Bridge's Dan McAuliffe and Novotny Sales- McHenry Truck Lines' Randy Vauk. In the home run category, seven players are tied with five each. They are: Raymond's Mark Mayer, Palace's Dan Miller, Tim Frantz and Frank Simmons, H&M's Jeff Cychner and Brad Hutter, and Decker's Brian Miller. In the RBI category, Miller holds a large lead over teammate Knox, 43-36. Anyone who wants to see 16-inch softball at its best should set aside Friday, Aug. 23, on their calendars. On that date, the two McHenry 16- inch leagues, (McHenry Men's League and McHenry Industrial League) will play an all-star game at 7 p.m. After that contest, the two league champions will square off. Between the two events, there will be a home-run hitting contest be­ tween league players. Beverages and munchies will be served, as always. That's Friday, Aug. 23. Aparacio impressed by Guillen By United Press International CARACAS, Venezuela -- Twenty- nine years ago, a young Venezuelan shortstop captured Rookie of the Year honors as well as the imagina­ tion of Chicago White Sox fans. That shortstop was Hall of Famer Luis Aparicio, who spent 18 years in the major leagues. In 1985, another young Venezuelan is seeking to fol­ low suit. Ozzie Guillen of the White Sox has impressed his famous countryman, who predicted five months ago that Guillen would be one of Venezuela's hottest new baseball stars. But even he is surprised by Guil­ len's current hitting streak that has raised the youngster's average some 50 points to .270 ottering Mon­ day night's games. "When your number of at-bats starts to get high, it's very difficult to raise your average," Aparicio, who lives in Venezuela, told the Caracas daily El Nacional. "Imag­ ine how Guillen was hitting in the last few weeks to increase his aver­ age by 50 points." Aparicio hit .266 with 142 hits, 69 runs and 56 RBI in his first year in the majors. In 99 games, Guillen is batting .270 with 86 hits, 47 runs and 22 RBI and is on a first-year pace comparable to Apancto's. "Besides his batting, in the field Guillen doesn't seem nervous or bothered by the pressure," Aparicio said. "He has committed wily eight errors, less than I did at that Aparicio, who saw Guillen play last season in the Venezuelan Win­ ter League, commented last March that the 23-year-old rookie was load­ ed with potential but might need a little more experience before he could establish himself. But Guillen surpassed expecta­ tions and his popularity is soaring in Venezuela, where baseball is the national sport, as well as in the United States. "I was Just up in the U.S. and (Chicago outfielder) Harold Baines asked me if I was the one who taught Guillen to play shortstop," Aparicio said. "But I said no, it wasn't me, it was my uncle Ernest who taught him." Aparicio comes from a baseball- playing family that includes his fa­ ther, Luis Sr., his uncle Ernest, and his son Luis, who has begun playing in Venezuela. ball. That is, as long as he does not sit on one. No doubt he will add humor in a grim business that in recent years has become almost as formal as state dinners at the White House. The story said Refrigerator lost 13 pounds during a morning practice and became so weak he could not report for afternoon duty. It said he is out of shape and will have a difficult time getting ready to play. A cool insider told me Refrigera­ tor is trying hard. The man who weighs more than 300 pounds is on a stringent fruit diet. He eats two apple trees for breakfast. He eats four peach trees for lunch. At din­ ner, he's prefers plum orchards. He washes down the fruit by suck­ ing in half of a pond. Then, he belches in a manner that has prompted civil Chicagoans to think A1 Capone is back in town. The toughest thing Refrigerator is facing on his diet is temptation. Illinois farmers know that. They have locked their cows and pigs in the barns and have secured the pro­ tective services of the National Guard. They have also placed warn­ ing signs along their fence rows: "No Trespassing. Appliances Will Be Unplugged." Remember that Refrigerator held out before signing a $1.4 million contract. That proves he is smarter than he is slim. It takes a lot of money to feed a man his size. Ru­ mor has it that he put six South Carolina all-you-can-eat restaurants out of business during his years as a Tiger. That led to one owner to put a six-chickens-per-customer limit on his $4 specials. That makes me wonder what his critical coach meant when he said Refrigerator must push himself to get into shape. How can a man be expected to push a man his size? Refrigerator has another prob­ lem. Clothes his size are not on everyday racks. A few buttons on white sheets solve the dress shirt problem. Christmas stockings are satisfactory socks. People made fun of his tie that looked like an American flag ... until they realized it was one. An interested observer once re­ marked that Perry's shoes looked like rowboats. The critic was em­ barrassed when he spotted the oars. Revelers got a kick out of Refrig­ erator showing up at a masquerade party wearing a large shipping box with "General Electric" on the side. Opposing players do not laugh. Chicago coaches don't find the situ­ ation very funny. Hopefully, they'll all remember what their mothers taught them. Don't slam the Refrigerator. White Sox shortstop Ozzie Guillen, shown here tagging out Milwaukee's Robin Yount Sunday, has had a stellar year thus far at shortstop. .. • / UPI photo liken the young Venezuelan to a Sox - Luis Aparacio.