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DEARABBY By Abigail Van Buren f oman has nothing to gain from affair By Abigail Van Buren 0 INS by Universal Pr«u Syndicate DEAR ABBY: A very dear friend of mine is having an affair with a married man. She divorced her husband of 14 years to be free for "Joe." Joe lived with my friend for a few months, then moved back home because his children "needed" him. Joe goes to my friend's place three or four mornings a week for coffee and sex. The rest of the time he is with his wife. Joe has given my friend some expensive gifts and takes her on some business trips, which is all she lives for. She's beautiful and smart and has everything going for her. I've tried to tell her she's wasting her time, but she says she loves Joe and he's worth waiting for. I know you get lots of letters from women who are waiting for married men to leave their wives. Can you send me a few dozen? If I show them to my friend, she may see the light. Thanks. __ ______ ALL TALKED OUT IN DALLAS DEAR TALKED OUT: A thousand letters wouldn't convince your friend. She's in love. And love is a mental condition; it doesn't respond to logic. A woman in love cannot learn from the experiences of others because she perceives her love as unique--unlike any other. Occasionally a married man will divorce his wife and marry the other woman. So what does the other woman get? A man who cheats on his wife. DEAR ABBY: Please proclaim a day in the near future for people everywhere to check their cupboards and refrigerators for plates, platters, trays, bowls, dishes--for whatever doesn't belong to them. In appreciation of so­ meone's thoughtfulness, I do think we should promptly return the dishes to whomever they belong. In case some of us don't know any better, you tell 'em, Abby! DINAH, WHO WILL FEEL MUCH FINER WHEN FOLKS IN CAROLINA RETURN MY CHINA DEAR DINAH: All right, I'm telling 'em. Now if only they can remember where they got 'em. DEAR ABBY: I hired a self-employed contractor to install a swimming pool in our backyard. He arrived on the Job with two helpers. One was his son who had brought along his child, about 3 or 4 years old. Neither the contractor nor his son knew where the little boy was or what he was doing half the time, and they spent a lot of time looking for him. Meanwhile 1 was paying (40 an hour for services that I did not receive. I couldn't even go shopping because I was asked not to lock up the house because the child needed access to the bathroom frequently. A friend of mine had a similar experience. She called a plumber who arrived with a small child, who proceeded to take the house apart while the plumber was busy under her kitchen sink. These men would not be able to take children with them tf they worked in a factory or office, so why do they take them en jobs at homes? (The plumber's excuse: "I want to give my wife a break.") Abby, what would you have done in my place? TIMID IN LOUISIANA DEAR TIMID: As soon as the contractor arrived with the child, I'd have told him to please take the child home and leave him there. He had no business bringing the boy in the first place--it was unfair to the child and unfair to you, but he had nothing to lose by trying. Moral: The timid will be taken advantage of unless they learn to speak up. (Getting married? Send tor Abby's new, updated, expanded booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send your name and address clearlyyprlnted with a check or money order for $2.50 and a long, stamped (39 cents) self-addressed envelope to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 38923, Hollywood, Calif. 90038.) Greek system thrives at Illinois universities * UPI photo With more than 50 fraternities and 20 sororities, the University of Illinois supports the largest greek system in the nation. Left to right, Susan McKiernan of Lake Forest, Joy Markiewizc of Mt Prospect and Michelle Dennison of Bloomington are all members of the Kappa Alpha Theta sorority chapter at the U of I; their chapter has one of the larger houses at the university with more than 160 members. Wheelchair-bound girl joins campus sorority By John Yaeger United Press International CHAMPAIGN, 111. - Confined to a wheelchair since the age of 9, Amy Grishkat enrolled at the University of Illinois because of its reputation for being accessible to the disabled. The Hamburg, N.Y., native also discovered the U of I boasts the nation's largest Greek system, with 70-plus fraternities and sororities. This fall Grishkat became pledged a sorority, apparently the first dis­ abled student at the U of I to do so. "It Just looked really fun and in­ teresting," said Grishkat, 18. "I'm ... an outgoing person." Grishkat was one of more than 1,000 women who pledged a sorority this fall. Anywhere from 550 to 800 men are expected to go through fra­ ternity fall rush this month. Mem­ bership numbers, with nearly 7,000 students belonging to either a frater­ nity or sorority, have never been better, officials say. The most recent recruits, more so than students of several years ago, see Greek life as a way to further their careers and get better grades, advisers say. , But almost everyone admits the initial attraction is the parties. "That's a big part of it," said J.D. Sinnock, president of the Alpha Tau Omega chapter. "Fraternities lend themselves very well^to the social end of it." A walk along Armory Avenue in GREEKS - Page 12B By United Press International No other school in the state has as many fraternities or sororities as the University of Illinois, but most others report the Greek system is thriving, or at least not losing ground. At Northwestern in Evanston, Greek advisers believe a more con­ servative lifestyle is responsible for an increase in membership. "We think it's right in line with more conservative lives and attitudes. It's women wanting to be part of a group," said Julie Kies, sororities director. Northwestern, along the shores of f Like Michigan, has 19 sororities and 26 fraternities. "they are growing gradually, but not by leaps and bounds. Our system is pretty stable," said Bruce Arnold, Kies' counterpart for fraternities. ".Younger students are coming back to a more traditional approach. Fra­ ternities haven't changed, the coun- has swung back (to their At Northwestern, like other schools, black and white students tend not to join the same fraternities and sororities -- although that is changing very slowly. "Women Join sororities because they are looking for a sense of home, and (black women) look for that home base among other black stu­ dents," Kies said. Kies and Arnold said there was an effort by the seven black clubs the university's white clubs to together on some activities. "There have been some attempts of white groups and black groups to become more communicative," Ar­ nold said. "But it's not the kind of thing that produces great changes very quickly." At Northern Illinois in DeKalb, Greeks are marketing themselves better on campus, said adviser Pat­ rick Naessens. The campus supports 15 fraternities and 10 sororities with a total membership of nearly 1,700. At Western Illinois University in Macomb, about 1,200 students be­ long to one of 19 fraternities or 11 sororities. "We're running a little bit ahead" at I l l inois State , sa id , Mike Schermer, the director of student life. Fraternities and sororities are new to the Bloomington-Normal school, arriving Just 16 years ago after ISU made the switch from a teachers' college to a general university. Schermer said fraternity and so­ rority membership has grown about 7 percent each year for the last three years. About 2,000 students belong to-the 19 fraternities and 14 sororities. Eastern Illinois in Charleston has 11 fraternities and eight sororities, with a total membership of about 1,350 -- up from 1,130 five years ago. Southern Illinois in Carbondale sup­ ports 13 sororities and eight fraterni­ ties with a total membership of only 600 students out of 23,000 on campus. Loneliness: curse of senior citizens ByBurtGarnett - Scrtpps Howard News Service Old people often suffer from loneliness. What some do not realize is that they get greater attention the older they get. Many do not use this condition to their advantage. They do of course discuss with one another their common problems - with hearing, seeing, teeth, legs, blood pressure and the hi#i cost of haircuts. Conversation, of course, is good. What is needed is something that makes for companionship. Since people who suffer from loneliness are single, and removed from agreeable relatives and neighbors, the loner can only overcome his difficulty by going to live where other old people live. Century Bound 1 know that some Oldsters feel that they want to escape from other old people and find what they want among young folks. That kind of fellow probably needs no help. But those who really do need help usually are shy and can use a helping hand. Sometimes incidents, or perhaps accidents, come in handy. Here is one that happened to me: I was staying at a hotel where a lot of other oldsters are living. I left the coffee shop and started across the lobby when my legs failed me and I fell down. I didn't do it intentionally, my legs just gave way and down 1 went. I managed somehow not to get hurt, but my goodness! People -- especially women -- came running and helped me to my feet and expressed great concern. They were extremely gracious and we became acquainted. A very good place for such a thing to happen is in the right kind of retirement hotel. So if you're lonely and in my age bracket, seek out a good decently run hotel with affordable rates for rooms and meals. Make friends with the proprietor and staff. You will not have to practice falling down. That's one thing that age lets you do naturally. (Burt Vamett, 98, is a retired newspaperman living in Key West, Fla. He writes a weekly column about trying to live to be 100 years old.) Watching cars whizz by LOOKING FOR SOMETHING? CHECK THE CLASSIFIEDS! | *>!!< moq itiU'iii HOOD CANAL BRIDGE, Wash. (UPI) -- Toll booth attendants on the Hood Canal Bridge have little to do but read books and drink coffee -- by court order. A federal judge halted the state's collection of the $2 bridge fee, but the toll takers are still being paid to occupy the booths on thespanwfeile cars whizz by on tfieir way tod$# Olympic Peninsula. "We have plenty of books and hot coffee and a clicker to click when the cars go by," said Tom Rice, who has collected tolls and tended the bridge since it opened in 1961. The only duties for the toll booth attendants are to keep traffic mov­ ing and make sure motorists see the "no toll" signs that have been erected. "We're just waving them on or they would sit ̂ and wait," Rice said. - Hie 15 bridge employees will be laid off Sept. 20 unless an appeals court overturnsihe court ruling, c/ ht)!5.'?biift1cP Tudgef^ick ^anne^ ordered the state last week to stop collecting the toll because the bridge was rebuilt with federal funds and insurance money after damage from a storm. NEW EXPANDED MENU We've kept all your favorites and added your requests...including a great selection for the kids. ALL NEW LUNGH MENU A splendid variety from luncheon entrees and fresh seafood to burgers, deli-style specialty sandwiches and salads. All reasonably priced with September's style...beautiful room, highest quality food and excellent service. 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Lillet Lee. manager, and the trauel consultants of EASY TRAVEL, Of Woodstock FILM SCHEDULE 5:00 PM Paquet Cruises 3:30 PM Holland America Cruise 6:00 PM Costa Cruises 6:30 PM Princess Cruises 7:00 PM American Hawaii Cruises 7:30 PM Royal Caribbean Lines 8:00 PM Carnival Cruises 8:30 PM Regency Cruises 9:00 PM Norwegian Caribbean Lines 9:30 PM Grand Prize Drawing \ *' ' . • -'V • ' V ' •• • • : . :: Page 2 NORTHWEST HERALD Section B Wednesday, September 18,1985 • " Advice 4