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August 17, 1994 . aby, Think It Over is a brilliant B invention by San Diego engiâ€" # neer Richard Jumain. This anatomically correct doll that «cries, screams, and pees without warnâ€" ing, has social agencies in the United States ordering at a rate that far exceeds production. The doll‘s erratic babyâ€"like outâ€" ‘bursts can only be turned off by a key. The idea is to have teenage girls who think it would be really neat to have a baby, carry this little bundle of mayâ€" hem around for a month or so, sleep in the same room with it, and be ready at any moment to rush over with the key to restore peace and quiet. The doll even has a monitor to register rough shaking or slapping. Hubby‘s a real doll | Hart family finally goes to the dogs And that‘s why I‘m suing Jumain for $3â€"million because he produced a baby without any pain whatsoever, and I, on the other hand...no, that would be ridiculous. I‘m suing Richard for intelâ€" lectual theft. After a month, the young women are asked â€" now do you really want a baby? The answer is almost always... I‘ll think it over. My doll is a 6â€"foot tall, anatomicalâ€" ly correct male that performs all funcâ€" tions of a human being except he can‘t cry. He never cries. My doll has a bit of a paunch, thinning hair, and has a sixâ€" pack strapped to the inside of the right foot so that when he sits down in front of the television set, the beer is right there on the floor where he can reach it. You see, I‘ve had this same basic idea for years. My doll is larger than Richard‘s by about 200 pounds, but otherwise, the concept is the same. He walks and talks, but consumers are warned that putting gum in his mouth can cause one of these functions to fail. He wears loose underwear with cigarette burn holes, and he can make a scary noise like a foghorn, except you can never see his lips move. A single woman, hoping someday to get married, carries Hubby around the house for one month. She pushes him out of bed in the morning, makes his meals, does his dishes, refills his sixâ€"pack, hands him the remote control, puts a pillow behind his head while he sleeps in front of the television, and My doll can write his name in the snow. My doll‘s name is Hubby, Think It Over. ~COMMENT Everything Must Go! N I NEWES T AROSOUES. eventually gets him into bed where he performs his finest function â€" loud snoring. At any time, night or day, she must run to him when she hears the hairâ€"trigâ€" ger, electronic chip alarm ( a belch), and using a special key, stop whatever male malfunction that is occurring at the time. At the end of one month, the woman does an easy twoâ€"step marriage evaluation. First, she honestly answers the question: Do I really want to get married? Then, she sends a certified cheque to Michigan to get on Dr. Jack Kevorkian‘s waiting list. I would have had Hubby, Think It Over on the market this week, but then major league baseball went on strike and now I have to add a "rant and rave" feature. Also, due the baseball strike, Hubby, Think It Over now cries. He cries almost every day. As a companion product, I now have Honey, Think It Over in developâ€" ment. The real problem I‘m having is that this female doll overuses the cereâ€" bral mechanism and is always blurting out questions like: "Do you still love me?", "You used to love me, but I don‘t think you love me anymore, do you?" No matter how much I reduce the frequency, out comes: "I don‘t think I know you anymore," and "What are you thinking about right now?" When I finally perfect Hubby and Honey, I‘m actually going to give them away, free of charge. Then, I‘m going to sell the keys that shut them off for $10,000 each. I‘ve put them in the same room, Hubby and Honey and though the male doll is simply not designed to respond to the female‘s questions, it‘s fascinatâ€" ing to watch. Honey will say: Can‘t you at least try to communicate?" and Hubby will squirm, sweat, take a swig or two from the sixâ€"pack, then he‘ll purse his lips and "Phhhaaaaargh!" Did you hear that? Now doesn‘t that sound like a foghom to you? Baby, Hubby, Honey â€" let‘s seriousâ€" ly think it all over. ore than anything, I supâ€" ‘"I pose, I remember the look .. on the face of the owner of this most remarkable dog. For isn‘t it true, that dog lovers are a breed apart from others, willing to talk at length in glowing terms of all their own dog‘s particular habits â€" be it the way it barks or wags its tail. And dog owners â€" like this one with an adoring look of pride on his face â€" love to talk about dogs. My own aunt â€" a dog lover supreme â€" tells of how she can spell the word cheese to their dog and watch as he makes his way over to the fridge for some old cheddar. I kid you not. But anyway, I think this dog even beat my aunt‘s unusual one. The beauâ€" tiful Labrador Retriever came toward us, having the time of her life running into the lake and fetching old branchâ€" There are no Council or Committee meetings until September 6, 1994 due to summer scheduling. 1225 TRAFALGAR ROAD + OAKVILLE, ONTARIO + L6H 2L1 THE TOWN OF OAKVILLE CEMETERIES P.O. BOX 310 OAKVILLE, ONTARIO L6J 5A6 (905) 338â€"4236 THE OAKVILLE BEAVER es. Time and time again, she would bound into the water joyfully and scamper on back, tail wagging furiousâ€" ly. She was wonderful to watch as the sun set on a warm evening by the lake. The owner, beaming with pride, made his way along the beach until he reached us. Knowing full well he had an adoring, dogâ€"loving audience, he then told us to watch closely. He got a large boulder from the beach and tossed it in, telling Annie to get it. Astoundingly, she tipped her head and dove down, her rump floatâ€" HOME COMPOSTING PROGRAM % e _ THE CORPORATION OF THE TOWN OF OAKVILLE A sample of each unit is on display at THE OAKVILLE MUNICIPAL OFFICES, THE PUBLIC WORKS DEPARTMENT, THE OAKVILLE CENTRAL LIBRARY, THE GLEN ABBEY BRANCH LIBRARY, THE WHITE OAKS BRANCH LIBRARY, AND THE WOODSIDE BRANCH LIBRARY. 1. This APPLICATION FORM MUST BE ACCOMPANIED by a CHEQUE or MONEY ORDER made PAYABLE to the TOWN OF OAKVILLE in the amount shown opposite the composter of your choice. (All taxes includ ed in price). 2. Mail, or drop off your completed form before AUGUST 26, 1994 to: COMPOSTING PROGRAM THE TOWN OF OAKVILLE, DEPARTMENT OF PUBLIC WORKS P.O. BOX 310, OAKVILLE, ONTARIO L6J 5A6 3. Purchasers must be residents of Oakville, living in dwellings where composting is feasible, and agree to + participate in follow up studies to evaluate the composting program. 4. The composter received must be used solely at the address on this application. They are not for resale. 5. The TOWN OF OAKVILLE and the ONTARIO MINISTRY OF THE ENVIRONMENT AND ENERGY accept no liability arising from the use and operation of composters provided through this program. Full instrucâ€" tions accompany each composter. I hereby acknowledge having read the conditions of purchase. | certify that the information given is corâ€" rect and I will comply and abide with the conditions of purchase. | hereby acknowledge and agree in the event that I fail to meet the conditions of purchase, my purchase cost for the designated composter on the application form will be refunded on return of the composer. This year there is a choice of composters being offered as well as a limited number of composters availâ€" able. Requests will be filled on a first come first served basis. Applicants will be NOTIFIED BY MAIL when their composters are available for pick up. Name: _ Address: Phone: (Home) TO BE COMPLETED BY APPLICANT AS WELL (For Office Use Only) (PLEASE PRINT) (PLEASE PRINT) KHome Composting Application 00 ing above for some time. Then, with a dramatic dash of her head, she‘d throw the boulder onto the beach and waited, expectantly for the praise. The owner‘s face lit up, and he‘d smile broadly at us, pride written all over his face. As if to say, so there; didn‘t think she‘d do it, did you? "Annie‘s been stone diving for years," he said. ‘"She loves it." In fact, he said, sitting down as if he could talk about Annie for hours, she‘s been teaching all the other dogs along the beach since their boats docked last week. The beach was filled with all sorts of dogs trying to dive into the water to fetch stones. But none did it as elegantly as Annie â€" the queen of the stone divers. For ourselves, we have now joined the ranks of dog owners and can speak, at length, of our own nineâ€" For more information, contact BO ANGEVAARE PURCHASING DEPARTMENT TOWN OF OAKVILLE 845â€"6601, ext. 3077 PLEASE INDICATE WHICH UNIT YOU WOULD LIKE TO PURCHASE: (PRICE INCLUDES TAXES) To receive information on this program, call us at Vacant Lot â€" services available Southwest corner â€" Rebecca Forsythe Zoned C3R â€" Commercial â€" Residential Asking $125,000 or write: Town oF OAKVILLE Parks anp RecrReation DEPARTMENT P.O. Box 310 OaAkKviLLEe, OntaARIO L6J 5A6 Application Number: Name: Address: Postal Code: PLaANT a Living MemoRIAL For Your Lovep OnNnEes Postal Code: ____(Work) . NUMBER â€" «on orrice use onLy) (905) 338â€"4236 weekâ€"old puppy. Theo came back with us from her farm home from the cottage and has now made herself very much at home. Like any proper dog, she is running circles around us. Our house, once again, is chaotic. And as we go here and there, other dog owners stop and begin to tell us of their own dog. It seems anywhere you go, people are only too willing to stop and talk dogs. Maybe, it‘s just that we dog owners are nuts or something but there is something heartwarming that so many people enjoy their dogs so much. It‘s kind of nice, somehow. But then, of course, there really is nothing like a dog. Just ask Theo â€" now methodically chewing up the paper listing the 12 Training Tips the vet handed us. Maybe, she‘d be better at stone diving. (For Office Use Only) 00