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w w w . o a kv ill eb ea ve r.c o m O A KV IL LE B EA V ER Fr id ay , N ov em be r 1 9, 2 01 0 2 2 LivingOakville Beaver LIVING EDITOR: ANGELA BLACKBURN Phone: 905-337-5560 Fax: 905-337-5571 e-mail: ablackburn@oakvillebeaver.com Ursulas been lending an ear for 29 years By Angela Blackburn OAKVILLE BEAVER STAFF When you speak with Ursula Davidson, even for a few seconds,its tough to feel down. Maybe thats the key to her 29 yearsat the Oakville Distress Centre (ODC). For anyone who doesnt know her, the 80-year-old resident could also be known as the Listener. That is the number one job of the Distress Centre volunteer to listen. Not to give advice, never that, said Davidson, simply (or per- haps not so simply) just to lend an ear, an empathetic ear. In her favourite book by Taylor Caldwell, The Listener, the unknown listener is not seen. If you imagine that upon seeing Davidson, she would be the stereotyp- ical senior listening on the other end of the line at the Distress Centre, youre wrong. She is a vibrant, upbeat and busy woman. After 29 years as a volunteer on the phones of the Distress Centre, Ursula has hung up the receiver and is dialing up new adventures. You know, there comes a time in your life when its time to move on to other things, said Davidson, leaning forward in ernest and saying, You know, I have plans. Top of that list is not travel. When asked about that, almost immediately, Davidson opens her pocketbook and proudly displays a photo of Bobby, a 10-year-old Himalayan cat, from whom Davidson said she is not parted for long. Travel is not in her plans. What lays ahead, is what she assembled years ago... a seminar, she said, that is fashioned after her very favourite saying and a topic shed like to share primarily with seniors. What you think about, you bring about, said Davidson. Thats my very favourite saying. Davidson was born in Berlin, but followed her mother, with whom she was very close, to Canada. They settled first in Montreal and then Davidson and her late hus- band, Sam, moved to Oakville 40 years ago. The couple raised two sons, Sam and Gregory. Davidson was a guitar teacher who taught from home, but when her mom, Elizabeth, fell ill with lung cancer, Davidson said, My heart just wasnt in teaching anymore. After her moms death, Davidson said she was going through her moms belongings when she came across the book, The Listener. I read the book and it seemed as if my mother gave me a message, she said. She looked up the Oakville Distress Centre and signed up to volunteer. Training was intensive and shifts that are now three hours in length were four hours. Davidson also put in an additional shift each month than the requested three a month over her 29 years. Davidson was, to say the least, inspired by the book, which she said is about a man who built a beautiful building in memory of his late wife. Anyone with a problem could go to that building, sit in a very comfortable chair in front of a thick curtain and talk to the unknown listener behind the curtain. Its not known who the listener is, but in the end it is revealed, said Davidson, noting those who go in to speak to the Listener, leave feeling much better. If you can sense that sense of relief in the voice of a caller to the Distress Centre as theyre sign- ing off, a volunteer has done well on the line, said Davidson. People need a listener. You know, there are a lot of lonely people, a lot, said Davidson who describes the ODC as primarily a listening service. While the typical death call from someone committing suicide may scare many away from volunteering at the centre, Davidson admitted those are the tough calls, but they are fairly rare. At one time or another, everyone needs a listener, said Davidson, noting a volunteers job is to listen. Most people have a good friend, relative, mother or father, but everybody needs a listener at one time or another, said Davidson, and sometimes people have no one. Sometimes people have an ongoing problem and even though they call once a day or once a week with the exact same problem, the volunteers job is to listen. Even when a solution is right in front of your eyes, it may be escaping someone who is distraught and while a volunteer may try to steer the caller toward finding their own answer, they must never give advice, said Davidson. Listening and not giving advice are like a mantra to Davidson who has the rules ingrained in her after 29 years on the phones. However, even Davidson said she still recalls her most mem- orable call. It was not a death call, nor one in which she was able to really help someone. Instead, it was a faux pas on her own behalf for which she said she would have fired herself. Lucky for her and all the callers she spoke with over her 29 years, the centres director Sandy Beveridge was understanding. Davidson still splutters and fusses, and then laughs, as she relates her very first call from a young man who kept her on the phone for almost an hour a sex caller. Volunteers are not permitted to listen to sex callers, said Davidson, adding, I did not recognize it. Really and truly, I would have fired myself right there and then, but Sandy was very understanding. While it is sometimes difficult, Davidson said she never thought of quitting. It was part of her life and she said, When you work for the Distress Centre and you know the people that call you, need a listener, that alone makes you feel better. Admitting she has always had good listeners around her her husband and sons and those she loves have their health, Davidson said that makes her happy. When faced with an unpleasant fact of life, Davidson said she does two things. If I can change it, Id stand on my head to change it, she said. If it cannot be changed, she said she does something else, like clean the house, goes for a walk, anything to take her mind off it. Its questionable as to whether her positive attitude has been her secret in 29 years of volunteer- ing with the Oakville Distress Centre or its a talent shes perfected because of it. Davidson herself reflects back on a seminar she took about controlling the mind to achieve pos- itive outcomes that she and a girlfriend took on a lark years ago. No matter which, Davidson will be saluted for her 29 years early next month as she officially retires. According to Oakville Distress Centre staff Kassandra Sawatzky, executive director and office and volunteer co-ordinator Brenda Buchanan people call the Distress Line for a variety of rea- sons including loneliness, divorce, bereavement, substance abuse, mental and physical health issues, depression or feelings of suicide. Callers need to feel safe with the voice on the other end of the line. People call looking for someone to listen without judgment, understand their point of view and give them support and encouragement to help them work through their feelings. Ursula considers herself to be a listener and it is her ability to listen with empathy and without judgment that has made her one of our most valued and special volunteers. Kassandra Sawatzky, executive director, Oakville Distress Centre See People page 23