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www.insideHALTON.com · OAKVILLE BEAVER Friday, February 17, 2012 · 32 Change to pardon system `something undeniably good' Continued from page 31 a column for the Montreal Gazette in which he called Theoren Fleury "an enabler" of Graham James for not coming forward sooner. By association, he was putting the same label on Gilhooly. "I'm not going to lie, one of the major things I deal with to this day in therapy is the fact that I'm to blame for what happened to those who came after ...," Gilhooly says. That doesn't mean he agrees with Hickey, though. "A victim has to do what's right for a victim. If a victim is ready to come forward immediately, that's great. If a victim is ready to come forward 20 years from now, then 20 years from now is when the victim should come forward. It doesn't mean that the victim has in any way enabled (a) criminal." · · · · Perhaps the most difficult setbacks Gilhooly has had to deal with came from an unexpected source -- the Canadian legal system. Gilhooly wasn't the only one curious of what had become of James. Following the reporting of the pardon, the CBC and The Globe and Mail, acting on a tip, tracked down James living in Guadalajara, Mexico. It wasn't the first time James had been able to leave Canada, though. He had been banned from coaching in Canada, but within two years of his release from prison he was found coaching minor hockey in Spain. "It's not like Graham decided he was going to enroll himself in a self-help recovery program or dedicate himself to getting over the impulses he feels," Gilhooly said. "He chose to surround himself with minors playing the game of hockey." That's why Gilhooly was shocked when, after Winnipeg police laid the three new charges, James was awarded bail. "Only in Canada can a previously-convicted serial pedophile come back and get bail," Gilhooly said. "It's a miscarriage of justice of the highest order." Perhaps the toughest pill to swallow was still to come. The Crown asked Gilhooly for pictures of him as a teenager for identification purposes. Gilhooly said it was a very difficult thing to do, knowing that the pictures would be forwarded to James. According to Gilhooly, when presented with the pictures, the convicted hockey coach denied ever having known him. Gilhooly is certain he knows why. Though he was not named in the story about the pardon, there was enough information provided about him, including the fact that he is a lawyer, that Gilhooly alleges James would have known that he was the source. "He knows that the Crown doesn't like to force people to testify in situations of child abuse. He knows that he was going to be able to score points by coming back voluntarily and trying to look like the good guy," he said. "Unfortunately, (bail) gave him the leverage to sit out there and say what he was willing to plead guilty to and what he wasn't willing to plead guilty to." When the Crown struck a deal in December 2011, James pled guilty to the charges levied by Fleury and the other unnamed player. However, the charges brought forward by Gilhooly were stayed. Essentially, the Crown will not proceed unless further evidence proving the case beyond a reasonable doubt comes forward. Gilhooly says, "Truly, it never happens." Colleen McDuff, Supervising Senior Crown ­ Domestic Violence Unit, said she could not comment on any aspect of the case while it is still before the courts. According to Gilhooly, the decision was made for a number of reasons -- saving witnesses, who may have also been victims, to testify against their wishes; getting a timely con- ERIC RIEHL / OAKVILLE BEAVER CHANGING THE SYSTEM: Greg Gilhooly realizes Graham James might never receive additional jail time, but he says he takes comfort in the fact that pardon laws will soon be changed. viction; the likelihood of a third charge significantly impacting the sentence; and the cost of a trial. And though, he worked with the Crown in coming to the decision, Gilhooly said it is still difficult knowing that his allegations won't be heard in court. "The lawyer in me understands why the Crown won't take this to trial. The victim in me is incredibly disappointed," Gilhooly said. "But I've come to grips with that because whether there's a guilty verdict or not... the notion that I would ever get some sort of third party vindication was probably some kind of mistaken hope. In the end, I'm going to have to deal with what happened. Nothing changes who he is...I'm going to have to fix me." Though his name was originally protected by a publication ban, Gilhooly decided to have it lifted following the plea agreement because "I wanted (James) to know that he no longer has any power over me. I would have no problem with my name coming forward and letting him know that I'm not afraid of him anymore." That is also why when James' sentence is handed down on Wednesday in Winnipeg, Gilhooly, after much internal debate, will join Kennedy in the courtroom. · · · · Gilhooly's claims will forever be referred to as `alleged' "It's a word I know I will hear for the rest of my life," Gilhooly said. Though James will not have to answer to Gilhooly's allegations in court, he knows he is not alone. Gilhooly believes there are others who have yet to come forward. He fully understands why they haven't and says they should only do so when ready. Gilhooly believes James does not feel remorse for what he has done. Even if James apologizes, Gilhooly feels it would just be an attempt to manipulate the situation in hopes of receiving a lighter sentence. As for Wednesday's sentencing, both Kennedy and Gilhooly say they are preparing for the worst. No further jail time for James remains a real possibility. Gilhooly's hope, though, is the sentence will match the severity of the crime and the impact it has had on its victims. "I truly mean it when I say Graham will never get justice. What I'm hoping for is for Graham to get real time, hard time in a federal penitentiary where he has to live in fear every night of who he is and what he did," he said. "And I know I'm supposed to forgive, but I'm speaking from the heart when I say that. I want him to experience a glimmer of what it was like to be me." If the punishment does not fit the crime, Gilhooly said he can still take comfort in that laws will soon be changed to prevent someone like James from ever receiving a pardon again. "If the pardon laws hadn't been changed, and my charges had been stayed, and nothing good had come of me coming forward, I know I would be more disappointed than I am now," he said. "The important thing in terms of my recovery is it is my recovery. And it's not to be ever validated by something external. By the same token, the change in the pardon system is something undeniably good. And so I do feel proud about that." · · · · No matter what penalty James is handed, once again there will be no fairy tale ending. No matter how severe, it will not undo the damage that James has inflicted on the lives of his victims. As much as Gilhooly is hoping for a severe punishment, he refuses to allow himself to be hopeful. He has already seen the man he describes as "a serial pedophile" pardoned and granted bail. But there's also hope that this time the skate will fit, that James' sentencing will in some way close a chapter and allow his victims to move forward in the process of healing. "The nightmares are still there but they're not as frequent," Gilhooly said. "(It) will always be a part of who I am, but I now understand that I have the ability to write the story of the rest of my life." -- Herb Garbutt can be followed on Twitter at @Herbgarbutt