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O Brave new world has canine computers and apps for apes That's Life Andy Juniper Guest Contributor 7 | Thursday, May 30, 2013 | OAKVILLE BEAVER | www.insideHALTON.com rangutans are now using iPads -- and yes, there really are apps for apes. To boot, British scientists are developing computers for dogs. For anyone who has ever seen Planet of the Apes, this could obviously spell trouble. For anyone who owns a dog, this could be the end of the world as we know it. According to Orangutan Outreach, an organization committed to saving the endangered apes, these incredibly intelligent creatures, "require mental stimulation to keep from growing bored and depressed." Solution: iPads, which offer, "unlimited enrichment opportunities." And here's the kicker: the orangutans actually understand the technology on some level and are using the Apple products in sanctuaries around the globe, including our own Toronto Zoo. Apes apparently have "the innate ability to work with touch-screen technology." As for the wild and wired future, Outreach believes that "with proper guidance orangutans will be able to use their devices just like humans do. They will have access to music, musical instruments, cognitive games, art, painting, drawing, photos and videos." Wow, what's next? Ape Facebook? Orangutan Twitter? And if all that isn't mind-boggling enough, according to The Daily Telegraph, computers are being developed for dogs that will allow clever canines (now there's an oxymoron) to work, play and even communicate with their owners. Yikes. Scientists believe the dogs of tomorrow may well be able to operate touch-screen computers. Imagine a dog that could not only help care for a disabled person -- sounding an alarm to summon emergency services, turning on lights or appliances, answering the phone and such -- but could also care for itself. Seriously, imagine a dog, connected to a computer that could look after its own needs by planting a paw on a color-coded bar on a computer screen: green to open a door to be let out, red for food, orange for treats, and purple for the color of his or her owners' faces when they come home to nd 50 pounds of kibble consumed, half-eaten treats all over the furniture and 100 neighborhood hounds partying in the family room. Who let the dogs in? OK, I'm skeptical when it comes to the hound part of this story. As a guy who's been around dogs all his life, I can say that every dog I've ever observed would de nitely use this technology for evil. Take our hound, Zoey. If this adorable (but none-too-bright) pup could ever be taught to use the technology -- and that's a huge if -- it would use it not for the betterment of the world, but solely for the betterment of Zoey. To score more food. To escape the house and run around outside, free and unleashed. To nally catch one of those squirrels he's always forever failing to catch. As for dogs actually communicating with humans, well that's just redundant. Dogs already have communication perfected. If Zoey's hungry, thirsty, tired, or wants out, everyone in the house knows it. And if he's peeved about something, he just goes to his bed and gives everyone the stink eye. No need for a modern computer for communication. The old-fashioned stink eye speaks volumes. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@gmail.com, found on Facebook www. facebook.com, or followed on Twitter at www.twitter.com/thesportjesters. Interlocking Tumblestone, Retaining Walls, Garden Installation, Sodding & Excavating, plus more Call for FREE Estimate (905) 827-8158 · www.rogerslandscaping.org PRE-SEASON FIBERGLASS POOL SALE!!!! 12' X23' ROMAN POOL $ YOUR CHOICE INSTALLED* 24,995 12' X23' KIDNEY POOL MANY MORE SIZES AND SHAPES AVAILABLE FREE INSTALLATION ABOVE GROUND POOL/SWIM SPA SALE ABOVE GROUND POOLS 15' ROUND $2299 · 18' ROUND $2499 12' X 20' OVAL $3499 15' X 25' OVAL $3999 INSTALLED* 2012 MODEL HOT TUBS CLEARANCE FROM $1,999 SWIM SPAS FROM $15,999 INSTALLED* FACTORY DIRECT VINYL LINER SALE REPLACE YOUR OLD LINER AND 12'X24' 14'X28' 16'X32' 18'X36' 20'X40' SAVE BIG!! $ $ Visit Our Showroom! 504 IROQUOIS SHORE RD UNIT #1, OAKVILLE, ONTARIO L6H 3K4 999 1099 $ 1299 $ 1499 $ 1799 905.815.5252 *Restrictions apply chek in-store for details.