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I The bewildering complexity of a simple greeting That's Life Andy Juniper Guest Contributor 19 | Thursday, November 20, 2014 | OAKVILLE BEAVER | www.insideHALTON.com 'm at a loss. I don't know how to greet anyone anymore. I've become so awkward and unsure of myself in the social mine eld that is a suitable salutation, I go through entire days wishing I were a hermit and hoping that I won't run into anyone I know. Then again, maybe it's not me. Maybe the once simple act of greeting people has suddenly become incredibly complex. Who knew that your basic meet-and-greet could have more machinations than a championship chess match? Not me, that's for sure. `Back in the good old days' Once upon a time -- and here, allow me to employ the handy refrain, "back in the good old days" -- greetings were simple things. You ran into an acquaintance on the street, met a friend at a party, or passed your mom in the hallway at home, and you simply swept the hair out of your eyes and said: "Hey." Then you just moved on with your life. Sure, you were a teenager at the time, and your parents were forever all over you about getting a haircut and greeting people properly: "Look them in the eye, then offer up a handshake so rm it's likely to break some of the smaller bones in their hands." But even if you advanced beyond the pithy of huggy-huggy friends and in-laws, I've become a bit of a hugger. Question is: does the person I'm greeting really want to be enveloped by the full chiseled awesomeness of me? Hmm. How about a peck on the cheek? Wait: one cheek or two? Do you really kiss, lips to cheek, or just air kiss? How about high ves all around? Perhaps just rub noses? Bite each other's ankles? Or, do you devolve the entire species and engage in the abhorrent `bro hug' -- that is, the ubiquitous combination of a handshake see Society on p.20 "Hey," and you did in fact greet someone with a bone-crushing handshake, it would still be simpler than today's world in which greeting options are as in nite as the opportunities to make a complete fool out of yourself -- by choosing an option that is inappropriate. And not reciprocated. An array of greetings I mean, do you shake hands? Or is handshaking out of fashion, particularly during this cold and u season? Maybe st bump? Wave? Salute? Flap your arms like a chicken? Administer noogies? Or do you take the unsuspecting person you're greeting in your arms in a big old bear hug? Hey, I grew up steeped in British reserve, in a family of resolute non-huggers. Seriously, if you wanted to hug a Juniper, you had to put a ring on it. Admittedly, over time, under the in uence You get just one funeral. Make it the one you want. You are unique. Your life is unlike any other. By pre-planning your final arrangements now, you can choose the options that reflect how you want to be remembered. What's more, you can save thousands of dollars and protect family from uncertainty about your wishes. Take the first step: Ask us about your FREE Planning Kit! 905-257-1100 Look for us on Facebook glenoaks.ca Glen Oaks Funeral Home & Cemetery by Arbor Memorial Arbor Memorial Inc. Plannin g Kit! Family Owned. Proudly Canadian. FREE 3164 Ninth Line (403 & Dundas St.), Miss./Oakville, ON $ WIN a Visit dorvalcrossing.com to Enter. Gift Card to your favourite Dorval Crossing store 250 Here come the Holidays Over 60 Shops & Services located at the QEW & Dorval Drive It's that very merry time of year again! There are gifts to buy, feasts to prepare and lots of fun to be had! Visit dorvalcrossing.com for more information PROUDLY MANAGED BY