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`T The tragic love story of Roadkill and Jackeroo That's Life Andy Juniper Guest Contributor 7 | Thursday, September 15, 2016 | OAKVILLE BEAVER | www.insideHALTON.com was The Bard, William Shakespeare, who famously asked: "What's in a name?" Well Bill, apparently there's a lot in a name, everything from regret and remorse to fate and destiny. Oh, and as for Shakespeare's further contention, as presented in the play Romeo and Juliet -- you know, "that which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet" -- recent studies beg to differ. Ah, but I digress. Let's go back to all the regret and remorse. According to a survey by a British parenting website, nearly 20 per cent of Brit mothers suffer from so-called `namer's remorse', wishing at some point in their offspring's evolution they had named him/her something altogether different. Typically, something less common, bolder, more daring. Well, maybe not way-out-there, celebritybaby-names daring -- monikers that ridiculously range from Apple and Audio Science to Pilot Inspektor and Moxie CrimeFighter (sadly, I'm not making these up) -- but, daring nonetheless. Alas, the degree to which the women feel regret and remorse over their little commonly named nose-miners, is not too extreme. While nine per cent have seriously contemplated changing the names, only two per cent actually have. So, are baby names really all that important to a child's future? Isn't a rose still a rose no matter what it's named? Ah, no. According to this crazy little thing we like to call `science', that rose you love (for its beauty, its fragrance) may well not hold the same allure if named, say, dogbreath, or fungus. Not to put (more) undue pressure on prospective parents, but the name you give your child is hugely important, to the point where it may well shape his or her destiny. Albert Mehrabian, a University of California professor, has been studying names and their potential impact for years. He's even developed a system to determine a name's `attractiveness', and effectiveness. "People treat you differently depending on how attractive or unattractive your name is," Mehrabian claims. Rightly or wrongly, "people make intui- tive judgements based on names." In other words, some names set people up for success, while others act like `kick me' signs that will be worn on the backs of some sad souls for life. Which may well explain (although I doubt it) why there are companies out there who help parents name their babies for fees that can hit as high as $30,000 (not a typo). Ah, baby branding. Bottom line: names are important. Don't call your kid Booger, or Gazebo, or Peanut Butter Cup. Unless you want a Booger, a Ga- zebo, or a Peanut Butter Cup. My guess is the Bard knew all this and he spent days, weeks, months before nally naming his characters, Romeo and Juliet. And I imagine he knew full well neither they, nor the play named after them, would reach the levels of fame and success they eventually reached if named, say: Roadkill and Jackeroo. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@gmail.com, found on Facebook www. facebook.com, or followed on Twitter at www. twitter.com/thesportjesters. Pipes & Taps Pub First Golf Tournament Sept. 26 at Glen Abbey 8:30am Shot-gun start · $200 Buffet to follow at the pub Oak Park Blvd. Trafalgar Rd Call to Reserve 231 Oak Park Blvd, Oakville Dundas St. Oak Park Blvd OLD MAN WINTER WILL GIVE YOUR FURNACE A BEATING THIS YEAR. UPGRADE TODAY. Last year he took a bit of a nap. But the forecast calls for Old Man Winter to return this year, which will hit older heating systems hard. 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