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Why, Mr. Albee, should we continue to work towards send ing humans to Mars? Because the effort might boost the econ omy, hasten new technologies, help determine whether life exists beyond Earth, lift the human spirit? No, Mr. Albee continue to work | ing humans to Ma though we cannot This question was put to Arden Albee, dean of graduate studies at the California Institute of Technology and.the Jet Propulsion Laboratory‘s chief scientist for NASA‘s unmanned Mars Observer misâ€" sion. The idea for this column arose not only from the fumes, but also from an Associated Press story that told how sendâ€" ing humans to Mars will cost hundreds of billions of dollars, then questioned: "So why do it when so many people are homeless and starving on Earth?" Consequently, as I write, I‘m higher than a kite. High enough to believe I can get away with writing a column so daring, portions of it are about sâ€"eâ€"x, and one particular paragraph actually contains the word "penis" no less than three times. Count ‘em. lame it on the fumes. Today‘s dispatch, all about human beings "dinking" with things, is being written in a house that is being professionally painted and is, thus, filled with fumes. Column fodder from afar, and in fumes 1991 Fully, ful is the tor conditior 1991 4 Door, a cond. Warran! Stk. #U §: $ CHEVROLET e OLDSMOBILE e GEO 547 Trafalgar Road (Q.E.W. at Trafalgar) 844â€"2320 r. Albee theorized to work towards s ns to Mars, even rs, even afford such send Pup During imposex â€" which sciâ€" entists believe is caused in this Q Female snails in the toxic sewer that is British Columbia‘s coastal waters have been turnâ€" ing into males: a rather grotesque phenomenon known as "imposex". WHERE DID You 6ET THAT SHIRTZ Bingo. Beautiful. The quote of the year. From a rocket sciâ€" entist, no less. And speaking of dinking with things... work because, "I don‘t think we can stand to have it (Mars) sitâ€" ting out there without dinking with it. That‘s what humans are like." These 100â€"million daily sexâ€" capades, apparently none of According to the WHO, sexâ€" ual intercourse occurs more than 100â€"million times daily on our overâ€"aroused planet (and here you can insert your own gutâ€"busting Peter North joke). Q And what would a disâ€" patch on dinking about be withâ€" out some staggering statistics issued by the World Health Organization (WHO)? All of which would be absoâ€" lutely sideâ€"splittingly funny if it weren‘t true. instance by tinâ€"based contamiâ€" nants in the water (not, as Freudians might assume, "wish fulfillment of snail penis envy") â€" the female snail actuâ€" ally grows a penis, her ovaries turn into testicles, and she loses the ability to release eggs because, as one report noted, her penis gets in the way. A day on the ski slopes. A cross country lope. A snow mobile joumney. An ice fishing expedition. These winter :Eorts have one thing in common â€" skin exposure to highly reflected sunlight. This winter make sure you bundle up and protect your skin, especially your face, with a sunscreen that has a sun protection factor (SPF) of 15 or higher. ‘UKI SWIF Bc ons S CUTLA e, tilt, V6, auto, ‘puc ‘one ‘gA 4M Y LN Ssd 34ZV 189 A d LNOHVIH e ce w#71IM"~ C osng §3 In the words of Dr. Richard Sharpe, a reproductive biologist at the University of Edinburgh, "I think there is cause for conâ€" cern. If there is something in our environment having an Studies show the average sperm count in healthy males has dropped by more than 50% in the past 50 years â€" from 133â€" million sperm per millilitre in the 1940‘s to 60â€"million sperm per millilitre in the 1990‘s. Experts speculate that it is polâ€" lutants that are damaging sperm production. And while we‘re busy overâ€" populating and generally dinkâ€" ing about with our planet, we are also busy polluting (just ask a poor sexually uncertain snail). which occurred in North‘s Toronto apartment, result in nearly oneâ€"million conceptions and 350,000 sexually transmitâ€" ted diseases... OAKVILLE‘$ LARGEST AT OAKVILLE‘S LARGEST DEALER o a* d 1nOuvand LN i s__o@ Now, about the sex of those sorry snails, and the strength of the sad sperm... Okay, so I must accept the blame for the column. That was the game plan until our painter doth protested, sayâ€" ing that because of modern techno]ogy, today‘s paints creâ€" ate "no fuss, no muss, no mess, no fumes." Q Here at home, my wife and I, are busy dinking with things because that‘s what humans are like. So we‘re dinkâ€" ing with our decor, in particular â€" we‘re painting. Did I say I was blaming this whole column on the fumes? €661 ‘g Arenuey ‘A Bingo. Beautiful. I mean, if it declines another 50% in the next 50 years... effect that is drastic enough to decrease sperm count by 50%, we should know what this facâ€" tor is." ind by Steve Nease