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Men, only slightly more enamâ€" oured with the institution of marâ€" mage, said things like "terrible misâ€" take", "all the women I meet are islobs" and "my wife is a pig" which raises the question â€" where oh where Joes Tom Amnold find the time to fill Qut all these survey questionnaires? + _ But seriously, there are good marâ€" mages in this world and don‘t for a inute think there are not. There are ill marriages which as they say, are in Heaven. It‘s just that in this y and age I believe Heaven should ave a comprehensive recall proâ€" ram for those marriages being 1 down here with serious lifeâ€" ning defects. _ I myself was married once and the end, my wife was thoroughâ€" convinced our marriage was made Detroit on the Friday afternoon of holiday weekend. Many women characterized marâ€" nage as "legalized slavery" and "an institution of bondage." C*mon now, seriously. If marriage is really an act Of slavery or bondage with Kandâ€" cuffs and shackles â€" how come Madonna is still single? Huh? n the past month, both an I American and a Canadian surâ€" vey on the subject of marriage have produced statistical evidence that most women don‘t want to get married. The report also produced a consensus of complaints that men are slobs who just want someone to take care of them. Hey! Hey! Hey! Wait one Wainfleet minute here â€" I‘d be the first to admit I have on occaâ€" sion drooled on myself and some of my shirts have so many mustard stains they appear to be fashionably tieâ€"died but someone to take care of me!?! You start badâ€"mouthing my Mom and you got a fight on your hands for sure! First guy who said ‘I do‘ should be found and exposed # o who really wants to go to S Florida anyways? I mean let‘s be honest ... Florida is like Scarborough with palm trees : Now, Scarborough does have the inimitable Havâ€"Aâ€"Nap motel and the iMlustrious, popular motels where people can be mowed down for not Ordering a table full of draft. And there is a sort of warped appeal to the many tattooâ€"piercing supply shops nestled lovingly in between the disâ€" gount stores on every block. I wouldn‘t say people enter into he relationship of marriage with nreal expectations, but have you C °® # l Watch for Details on our October Income Tax Course For More Information Call: â€"â€" (418) 881â€"8008 Ext. 102 © M Who needs Florida when we‘ve got Scarborough fl o who really wants to go to â€" conditioned malls. Ah, Scarborough. _ ing to shoot you just for having the oranemeeeeenem [ e now the state with tha Ki ntumee cits . i 5 h thing v Department is dedicated to devastating effects of fire; WHEREAS planning ahead and practicing can greatly enhance our ability to escape from fire. The value of escape planning at home, at work, and wherever we are is wellâ€"documented. Every fire escape plan should include a meeting place outside where everyone can be accounted for and await the Fire Department. Once safely out, we must always resist any temptation to reâ€"enter a burning building because no property is work risking a life; AND WHEREAS Fire Fighters are trained and equipped to rescue people trapped inside burning buildings, it is important to teach children that "Get Out, Stay Out" is the fire safe response; AND WHEREAS those members of the oined by other concerned citizens of this Town of Oak usiness, schools, service clubs and organizations in fforts; ntario Association of Fire Chiefs, Ontario fficers Association, Canadian Association rofessional Fire Fighters Association, O ighters Association, Municipal Fire Service rotection Association, and the Office of the I AND WHEREAS the local efforts of the fire service are 'upported by the activities of the Canadian Association of Fire Chiefs, Entario Association of Fire Chiefs, Ontario Municipal Fire Prevention en o oo d .n e P 1. t " T p NOW THEREFORE, I, Ann Mulvale, Mayor of the own of Oakville DO HEREBY PROCLAIM the week of October 3rd to h, 1993 as FIRE PREVENTION WEEK. This week commemorates great Chicago Fire of 1871, which killed 250 persons, left 100,000 meless and destroyed more than 17,400 buildings. I call upon the ople of this Town to participate in fire prevention activities at home, ork and school, and to heed the message: "GET OUT, STAY OUT:! But then Florida has all those air ~COMMENT UR FIRE SAFE RESPONSE." ~>~ TOWN OF OAKMILLE 345â€"s6s01 FIRE PREVENTION WEEK October 3rd to 9th, 1993 AND WHEREAS the PROCLA MA TION "WINSERILEL Oe en Nee coms eetenn d a cermnscmmencs mss wants to go to ys? I mean let‘s Florida is like AS the fire service of the Oakville Fire the safety of life and property from the ens of this Town of Oakville, as well as women, how! at Deeter a out you own? Ok The ailing state of the condition of marriage is not the fault of the woman. It‘s the man. One man. The first married man. The man who said: "So the deal is from this day forward I can never again date Think about it. Women wear white at the wedding, the color of purity and goodness. Men wear black, a selection from Satan‘s own closet. Coincidence? I don‘t think so. ever noticed the incredible similarity between the words marriage and mirage? Coincidence? I don‘t think S0 Now, it is true, Florida does have the sun and the trees. But clearly it also has about a million nuts all willâ€" conditioned malls. Ah, Scarborough. Ah, Florida. How to choose? Such a weighty decision it would be if someone said you have to spend a couple of hours in either Scarborough or Florida. What a choice. Just what would you do? Go with Scarborough with its strip malls and triggerâ€"happy populace and Florida, with its strip malls and trigâ€" gerâ€"happy populace. ciation of Fire Fighters, Ontario tion, Oakville Professional Fire Service Instructors, National Fire of the Fire Marshal: organizations in their fire safety ead and praciicing can greatly The value of escape planning at is wellâ€"documented. Every fire Ann Mulvale, MAYOR, TOWN OF OAKVILLE ne with All the world‘s fire service are again C buddie THE cCO of garbage each week for the rest of the ycz'u.. & * Reduce 30% of your household waste! Backyard compost. * Use your blue box! Fill it with all your recyclables, not just some of them! IF WE ALL MAKE WASTE REDUCTION A PRIORITY, WE CAN ACHIEVE A CLEANER, HEALTHIER ENVIRONMENT â€" SOONER! * Take your lunch to work and avoid throwâ€"away packaging. * Use a ceramic mug for coffee, not paper cups. * Leave your grass clippings on the lawn. * Use both sides of photocopy and writing paper. *Conduct a household waste audit in an attempt to change wasteful habits into less wasteful ones. § 3 * Challenge yourself and your family to only put out one bag Message from the T * Avoid overâ€"packaged items when shopping. * Buy larger sizes or in bulk. * Use reâ€"usable shopping bags. * Refuse unnecessary bags for your purchase. * Donate old items to charities instead of throwing them out. * Have a garage sale. * Buy quality merchandise so things will last longer. *®Share tools with your neighbours. For example weed trmmers, ladders, wheelbarrows, power tools, etc * Repair broken items rather than buying new. * Remove your name from mailing lists. Part of the problem of marriage is people marry total strangers. Remember, everybody else in your Smarties commercial either. "So you get the career, you manâ€" age the money, your drunken brothâ€" erâ€"inâ€"law lives on our couch while your mother tells us both how to run our lives and you‘ll give me a few bucks every week for groceries as a reward for carrying three pudgy human beings around in my stomach for 27 months? When we get to Niagara Falls can we get one of those rooms with the heartâ€"shaped tub and the mirrors on the ceiling?" ing to shoot you just for having the misfortune to visit it. After the ninth tourist was killed in a year, the tourism people in Florida are having a whale of a time, trying to convince people that all is well in the Sunshine State and that renting a car or pulling off a road does not mean certain death. Some vacation, to be sure. Now, I know I‘m somewhat in the minority here â€" don‘t some two milâ€" lion sunâ€"starved Canadians load up their vans and make the gruelling PUD WASTE REDUCTION TIPS For WASTE REDUCTION WEEK â€" Oct. 4 to Oct. 10. wn of Oakville THE OAKVILLE BEAVER brothâ€" while to run a few OAKVI itizens Waste Management Advisory Committee immediate family is tied to you by flesh and blood whereas your husâ€" band is a lonely guy with a stupid smile who picked you up on a slow night in a bar called Koo Koo Bananas. This is why I think brothers and sisters should be able to marry. (Please, like marriage itself, this statement was made solely for the sake or argument. Do not try this at home. In Canada, bloodâ€"relatives are forbidden to marry, a law, which you‘ll recall, when passed, caused riots in the streets of New Brunswick). Doesn‘t it sound like jolly fun â€" to pack the kids up and drive the long drive to the sunny south only to find yourself robbed or murdered in what hoursâ€"long drive to Florida every winter? NOW THEREFORE, I, Ann Mulvale, Mayor of the Town of Oakville DO HEREBY PROCLAIM October 4 to October 10, 1993, as the ninth annual WASTE REDUCTION WEEK in the Town of Oakville and urge all residents to continue the support they have already shown for waste reduction in the coming years. AND WHEREAS the only way to change the negative impact of all this waste on the environment is to change the way we think about solid waste, to reduce the amount we generate, to reuse as much of it as possible for other purposes, to recycle whatever is recyclable and to compost food scraps, grass clippings, leaves and other yard wastes: AND WHEREAS the people of our municipality participate in recycling and composting programs; AND WHEREAS nine years ago, the first annual Recycling and Waste Reduction Week was designated by Ontario‘s Minister of the Environment to draw public attention to the need to reduce the amount of household garbage generated by the residents of this province; WHEREAS the Town of Oakville in the Regional Municipality of Halton recognizes that reduction, reuse, recycling and composting contributes positively toward resource and energy conservation, waste reduction and economic development; Think about this â€" never again would you be tormented by a brothâ€" erâ€"inâ€"law. All the weird and annoyâ€" ing little creeps in the family would now be your very own offspring. And then there would be no such thing as divorce. When you get to the point where you can‘t stand each other, you don‘t split up, you just demand your own room. And if the fighting continues, there would be no need for lawyers, Mom would step in. She‘d listen to both sides, offer a little homespun advice and then haul off and whack one of you. Canadians are willing â€" indeed we fall over ourselves in our zest â€" to make the drive down to a place with the highest violent crime rate in the entire country. All for what? To shop at malls shake some mouse‘s hand a Disneyworld and then be killed? Just think of it, now. The highest violent crime tate in the States and where a robbery occurs every 10 minutes, 45 seconds. And yet, we is now the state with the highest vio lent crime rate in the States. WASTE REDUCTION WEEK October 4th to October 10th, 1993 PROCLAMATION at ‘Dokvit‘s Award Winning Community Nguspaper® I lived in a "safe" pocket where dinner conversations weren‘t focused on exactly what kind of home securiâ€" ty system to purchase. It has changed Clearly, you just can‘t die of boreâ€" dom anymore in suburbia these days. Aren‘t we lucky, now, my aren‘t we lucky? Scarborough is truly a scary place to be these days. I lived there for many years when it wasn‘t quite the oasis it is now. â€"just ask anyone who has to lock'up their homes these days. And before all those brave souls in Scarborough who were outraged by the recent advertisement by the Shaw Festival (which I personally thought to be a scream) get all out of sorts by this latest stab at their town, I ought to know what I‘m talking about. This is what we Canadians all strive towards? Surely, we could get just as much cultural mileage from driving the 40 kilometres to Scarborough, with its strip malls, discount outlets and roadâ€" houses. Throw in a side trip to a seedy bar with table dancing and you have had one fabulous vacation. Surely, if we indeed crave exciteâ€" ment, we can confuse it to our own country. COUuLONT YA HAVE GOTME A . â€"â€" RUPEECR MAYOR, TOWN OF OAKVILLE. Ann Mulvale, CHAMTABLE CORPORATION For goodness sake is brought to you H&R BLOCK * SOMETHINZ! LA VIL by Steve Nease §3