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www.insideHALTON.com | OAKVILLE BEAVER | Friday, May 15, 2015 | 12 Clint Malarchuk could have been a suicide statistic continued from p. 11 Ontario Hockey League (OHL). Initiated following the suicide of Terry Trafford of the Saginaw Spirit last year, the CMHA program works with OHL teams to teach players about suicide awareness. Parents, team staff and billets also receive training about recognizing signs. "When I played junior hockey , I wish I had someone, somewhere to open up to," Malarchuk said. "That was a long time ago and we've come a long way." Interviewed days after his injury in Buffalo, Malarchuk was eager to get back in the net. "The longer you wait, the tougher it is mentally ," he said. It took a long time, but Malarchuk would discover just how wrong he was. · · · · In 2008, Malarchuk was working as a goalie coach for the Columbus Blue Jackets. The treatment he had received and the medication he was taking had been very effective. It allowed him to return to school to become a horse dentist between coaching jobs. "Things had been pretty good for 10 or 12 years, but I could feel things starting to slip," he said. "Usually , I chalked it up to a bad day and just thought I'd shake it off." Malarchuk had not been to see a doctor for some time and his medication was no longer having the same effect. He started drinking again to chase away the old feelings. Then in February , Richard Zednik of the Florida Panthers had his throat cut by a teammate's skate. The fact that it happened in Buffalo only added to the eerie similarities. Reporters immediately began calling Malarchuk for his thoughts. It brought back memories of his own injury. His drinking spiralled, he picked fights, he became convinced his wife was cheating on him. It continued to build until one day Joanie returned to their ranch in Nevada. She found him sitting behind the tack shed with a gun beside him. They began to argue, then Malarchuk grabbed the gun, lifted it to his chin and pulled the trigger. · · · · Malarchuk's book, The Crazy Game, begins with the sentence, `I didn't write a note.' He didn't plan to commit suicide that day. And even if he did, he doubts he could have articulated why. "People in that state, there's so much confusion and pain, it's hard to explain in detail," he said. "Living with mental illness, it's hard to explain to someone who hasn't had that pain." At the time, Malarchuk blamed his wife. "I'm so ashamed of that," he said. But a conversation with another former NHLer, Jesse Wallin, who witnessed his father's suicide, helped him reconcile that. Wallin told him it wasn't his dad who killed himself, it was the sickness. "That made me feel better," Malarchuk said. "It wasn't Clint who shot himself, it was the illness. In my right mind, I would not do that; I would not say that. It's a good message when you're dealing with someone with a mental illness." Though the incident was reported as an accident, Joanie later told police it was in fact a suicide attempt so that Malarchuk could get the help he needed. He went to a rehab facility in San Francisco for six months. He spent the first two months resisting treatment, before realizing he had been carrying 19 years worth of trauma from his accident. Once treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder began, he started to improve. "I got well. They got me on the right medication. They got me dried out. They got me well," he said. "Today , I'm doing great. Honestly , I'm happy. I'm healthy and strong, but most of all I'm happy. Having been to that place where I was so unhappy and so confused and so angry and so miserable, for me to say I'm happy is big. And to know there's help and people can get better." · · · · Suicide notes often raise as many questions as they answer. In a way , The Crazy Game is Malarchuk's note. Written with a clear mind, it lays it all out there. It's a description of what he felt, why he acted the way he did and what led him to pull the trigger that day. Except Malarchuk survived. He could have easily become a statistic. Doctors recommend the kyBoot "kyBoots help you keep balance and activate your muscles, from your toes to your back: they are helpful in the treatment of pain in the heels and forefeet, and are a method of choice to support the treatment of pain in the Achilles tendon and back." - Dr. Markus Müller, specialist in orthopaedic surgery, foot surgery practitioner, Lucerne SAVE $10 KyBoots will help you with.... · Back Pain · Improving circulation · Knee pain · Strengthening muscles · Foot conditions · Improving posture Enjoy a FREE Kyboot walking test, at the Medicine Shoppe on Lakeshore Rd. East Pharmacist/Owner Richard Price 267 Lakeshore Rd. E., Oakville Mon.-Fri. 10-6, Sat. 9-1 A Trusted name in Oakville for over 20 years! www.kybun.com 905.842.2770