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www.insideHALTON.com | OAKVILLE BEAVER | Thursday, November 19, 2015 | 14 Something's gone awry and starting to smell a rat That's M Life y car stinks. My garage stinks. My house stinks. To the point that I'm contemplating air fresheners -- something that would be safe to spray right up my nose. Like so many stories, this yarn begins with a bag of dog kibble: lean, low-fat kibble because our old guy's got a bit of a weight problem. Which is to say, he's fat, although my wife defends his girth, insisting: "He's not fat. That's his build." True, he's built like a fat dog. Anyway, I bought tubby a new bag of kibble, which I was set to pour into a handy storage container. Well, I cut the corner of the bag, em- Andy Juniper Guest Contributor ployed the `guns' -- the term I use when referring to my rather intimidating arm muscles -- hoisted the bag and began transferring kibble to container. As I poured, my rst thought was, "Some- thing is rotten in the state of Denmark." An odd thought, but I'm inclined to think/ quote Shakespeare at odd times (honestly, who isn't?). To the best of my knowledge the situation had nothing to do with Denmark, but there was indeed a rotten air emanating from that bag. Well, the more I poured -- as kibble rained down into that container -- the stronger the smell became. To the degree that I was forced to stop pouring, drop the bag and dry heave. Repeatedly. It was at that de ning moment that I noticed something sticking out from the kibble in the container. A stick, I thought. And then I began thinking that maybe I was the winner of some slick marketing campaign: nd the stick, win a prize. Naturally, I reached in and snatched the coveted stick up out of the kibble. The thing is, the stick was attached to a rat. A large dead, fetid rat. My rst thought -- after releasing the tail and dropping the rat back into its cof n of kibble, after sterilizing my hands, and quelling the dry heaves pogo-ing up my throat -- was those slick marketing types had crossed the line if they thought a campaign of ` nd the dead rat in the kibble' would ever translate into more sales of said dog food. My second thought was to take a photograph. Now, I'm not talking sel e here. At no time was I inclined to take a picture of the dead rat and me together -- me, giving the thumbs up; rat, trying to look composed, in the middle of decomposing. Rather, just a photograph to prove this was no tall (rat) tale. Then I poured the rat back into the bag and put the bag into the garage. At which point both house and garage reeked. Then I called my kibble guy, who got an earful when he asked: "How's it going?" Well, he insisted he needed to see the rat. So, I put the kibble bag in my trunk and drove to the kibble guy, whose store is about an hour away, stopping intermittently to jump out of the car and dry heave. Upon my arrival, kibble guy poured the contents of the bag out into a bucket and exclaimed: "That's a dead rat." Yes that is. Hey, I got an exchange bag of kibble. Free dog biscuits. And I got coupons for more kibble from the manufacturer who assured me that this was indeed a rare rat occurrence, oh, and that one day I would probably come to nd this whole episode funny. Ah, not as long as the stench lingers. Not as long as I continue contemplating shooting an air freshener right up my nose. Not as long as I continue to dry heave. Nope. Not so funny. Not yet. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@gmail.com, found on Facebook www. facebook.com, or followed on Twitter at www. twitter.com/thesportjesters. FOREVER r e m m u S Swimsuits & Beachwear & Wednesday, November 25th from 6-9 PM Tropicana Tropics 1.75 L selected varieties 2 kg bag Lantic Sugar Tropicana Juice 355 mL selected varieties Unico Tuna 198 g in oil Flyer prices effective from Friday, November 20 to Thursday, November 26, 2015 iza 3 ENJOY · 20% OFF Swimsuits, beachwear and more! · Free gift with every swimsuit purchase · Light Refreshments to join us for an evening of shopping and so much more! · Meet Andrea Marczenko of Your Perfect Skin · First 25 customers will receive a Wellness Gift Bag valued at $350.00 · Live Demonstration of Venus Freeze THIRD LINE T Qu 403 Oakville Amtrak 3 nw all R Tra Rd falga Michael's NoFrills Van Spall's NoFrills 125 Cross 1395 Abbeywood Avenue Drive al Traf Av e be th hl ee n Co rn wa ll an d El Rd R gar d ABBEYWOOD DR. Le ig 403 Co r r OAkVille NORTH SERVICE RD. W. 389 Brant Street, Unit 4, Burlington · 905.333.8300 d