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www.insideHALTON.com | OAKVILLE BEAVER | Thursday, September 8, 2016 | 20 `Sir Spills A Lot' experiments with steaming hot coffee That's I Life t's past Labour Day. I hope you're not wearing white, and I hope you're not wearing your morning coffee -- especially if you're still wearing white. Ah, coffee spillage. Staining your clothing. Undermining your chipper mood. Torpedo-ing your day. And typically occurring at the most inappropriate times, on your most vulnerable items of clothing. Like, for instance, when you're about to go out on a hot date with the woman of your dreams, or you're about to go see your boss about that promotion and raise you've been dreaming about, so you don your crispest, most blindingly white shirt... and proceed to dribble coffee down your chin and onto that shirt that used to be blindingly white, but is now more tie-dyed mocha. Been there, done that. I mean, my rapper nickname is Sir Spills A Lot. Seriously, if I Andy Juniper Guest Contributor had a penny for every time I slopped my java, I'd have enough cash to buy an entire coffee shop. But it's not just me. According to a recent Huf ngton Post article, it's a universal problem (except in doubtlessly cranky countries where coffee is generally not consumed). Alas, there is a solution. Based on science. And it's called `the claw'. Leaky Basement? Call Us! · Crack k Injection nje Repair Specialist · Wise Dry Interior Drain Systems · Lifetime Fully Transferrable Warranty · Masonry/Parging Repairs R0063759717 Indeed, in a study conducted to determine why coffee in a mug tends to "splash aggressively and against the cup and ultimately spills," whereas wine in a glass "moves in calms waves," the study's author, Jiwan Han, used complicated formulas and graphs and other science stuff to determine the problem is not the mugs we use, or our innate clumsiness, so much as the way we tend to carry coffee. Instead of carrying the coffee by the mug's handle, or with a hand wrapped around the mug, we should be bending a wrist, making a claw with our ngers, and grabbing the coffee cup from above, by the rim of the mug. Han calls this the "claw-hand model." Now, I won't bore you with all the science -- and not solely because I don't understand a word of it -- but Han found walking backwards is also effective in preventing the morning java from lapping up over the cup and onto your clothes. Backwards. For the sake of this column, and the betterment of mankind, I tried walking back- ward while carrying a hot cup of wake-meup. Without going into the gory details, let's just say I tripped over the dog, ended up wearing the coffee from head to toe, and at once invented shocking new swear words by simply combining them with old reliable swear words. As for the claw? It kind of works. I started using this method a few weeks ago and I spilled way less coffee on my clothes. Granted, one time I formed the claw, absentmindedly reached for the coffee, and found my claw completely immersed in the boiling beverage. Sorry, Mr. Han, but honestly speaking: I'd rather wear coffee-stained white clothing long after Labour Day than have my ngers immersed up to the second knuckles in steaming hot coffee. -- Andy Juniper can be contacted at ajjuniper@gmail.com, found on Facebook www.facebook.com, or followed on Twitter at www.twitter.com/thesportjesters. Follow the Oakville Beaver editorial staff on Twitter: @OakvilleBeaver, @NewsHooked (John Bkila), @DavidLea6, @JuliaLeReporter, @HerbGarbutt (Oakville Beaver sports), @PostBeaverSport (Kevin Nagel, Oakville Beaver/Burlington Post) @Halton_Photog (Oakville Beaver photography department) Call Us... 905-510-9739 Professional, Cost E ective Solutions for Wet wayne@wisecracks.com Basements w w w. H a l t o n Wi s e C ra c k s. co m DEALS YOU LOVE Need a Doctor? GET LEGAL WITH Medical Marijuana NOW! NO FEE L RA NO REFERE D S REQUIR G PATIENT FOR LESS EPTIN NOW ACC Get the help you need, now in your area WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Medical Marijuana Start saving at WagJag.com Phone: 1-800-730-8210 email: doctors@bodystream.ca · website: www.bodystream.ca